20 seconds of courage

[Seaborn63]

Hi, 

 

This is my 20 seconds of courage because I hate posting about myself and I'm gonna share my Big Why.

 

New to NF, but ready to experience it and change my life for the better.

 

Level 1

"I know I am overweight and should slim down"

I've hit 300 lbs for the first time in my life.  I've always been a bigger guy, but when I saw that on the scale I felt ashamed.  Even though I'm kinda tall, 300 pounds is just too much.

 

Level 2

"I will be able to do all the fun activities I did growing up"

Growing up near some mountains I was always hiking, rafting, biking, camping, etc.  I miss doing that.  I'm currently way to out of shape to do that stuff, but I will be able too again.

 

Level 3

"I will talk to women unafraid of what they think of my weight"

Like I said, I've always been heavy.  Every time I start talking to a woman I get mega self-conscious about my size and then it just leads to a huge downward spiral of everything until I'm left broken and hating myself, yet again.

 

Holy crap that was freakin scary.

 

Here's to continuing to better myself 

[Elastigirl]

Hey there and welcome to the Rebellion!

[Guzzi]

2 hours ago, Seaborn63 said:

 

Level 3

"I will talk to women unafraid of what they think of my weight"

Like I said, I've always been heavy.  Every time I start talking to a woman I get mega self-conscious about my size and then it just leads to a huge downward spiral of everything until I'm left broken and hating myself, yet again.

 

This makes me really sad.  I understand it, even been there myself (just not, y’know, with the ladies), but it’s a horrible way to feel about yourself.  Just so you know, not everyone cares about what size someone is.  I met my bf when he was clinically obese, and I still found him attractive.  Wanting to get healthy and active are really worthy reasons to lose weight, and I hope that you enjoy all the rewards that will come. Just remember that losing weight isn’t a quick thing, and don’t get disheartened, it takes a long time to get there but it’s worth it in the end. 

 

Guzz

[Seaborn63]

On 1/31/2019 at 2:21 PM, Guzzi said:

 

This makes me really sad.  I understand it, even been there myself (just not, y’know, with the ladies), but it’s a horrible way to feel about yourself.  Just so you know, not everyone cares about what size someone is.  I met my bf when he was clinically obese, and I still found him attractive.  Wanting to get healthy and active are really worthy reasons to lose weight, and I hope that you enjoy all the rewards that will come. Just remember that losing weight isn’t a quick thing, and don’t get disheartened, it takes a long time to get there but it’s worth it in the end. 

 

Guzz

 

Thank you for your kind words.  I know that not everyone cares, but that is my weak spot and it ALWAYS comes up in my mind.  It's ruined relationships I have managed to start as well as prevent new ones from starting.  I just don't want to beat around the bush any more and acknowledge that it is my fear, and it is highly correctable.  I know because of my height and body type I'm going to weigh more than most people, and I'm comfortable with that, I just need to get it back to a healthy weight.  

[ladyofthebog]

yay! glad you are here  i echo what @Guzzi wrote so eloquently and would like to add that putting into words is the first steps out the door on your journey. to reference the inestimable gandolf, "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,” he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no telling where you might be swept off to.'” 

healthy and active is hot and really that comes in all shapes, sizes, and verbs. sounds lke you have the body type that many women love to squeeze on.  

[Seaborn63]

@ladyofthebog my dad has told me the same quote for most of my life.  It's on my whiteboard at work and in my house.  Thank you for that.  (I am the oversized-teddy-bear type too; thanks for making me smile with that)

[Defining]

Welcome to NF dude, you've already done the hardest part - setting intentions! From here on out, it's just a matter of toggling mechanisms to figure out what will work for you and your own goals. I know that some folks like to 'ease in' by using the 4week challenges for easy structure to follow, but don't hesitate to create your own path too!

 

A quick note: try not to let yourself feel 'ashamed' for long. Shame is a useful TEMPORARY signal for us to stop and examine our behaviour - sometimes that needs to be adjusted (eg. maybe I should have gone to the washroom to adjust my pantyhose ), and sometimes our brain throws out shame when it's not warranted (eg. I am a terrible club dancer, and always feel embarrassed to do it, but that's not a 'useful' signal of shame ). You've already taken the next step to improve your health, so it's no longer a productive emotion. I know we can't really control what we feel, but it's a good habit to practice positive self talk to combat negative emotions.

 

"I am moving more every day to improve my fitness"

"I am eating vegetables every day"

"I am talking to people in a calm and confident way"
"I working towards being able to go on hikes that I am excited about"

 

So on and so forth. Looking forward to seeing you 'round the boards!

[Guzzi]

On 2/13/2019 at 5:30 PM, Seaborn63 said:

 

Thank you for your kind words.  I know that not everyone cares, but that is my weak spot and it ALWAYS comes up in my mind.... 

 

Yeah, it was like that for me too.   I hid behind masculine clothing for years.  I can’t even count the number of times I have tried (and failed) to find something to wear for a night out that didn’t make me feel horrendous!  In the end I would just go out in jeans and a T-shirt because I felt too ashamed and vulnerable in anything else.  Even if we know on a conscious level that it shouldn’t matter, that tricksy voice inside our heads can still tell us that we’re not good enough.  

 

I hope you find your confidence as you lose weight.  One of the weird things that I found was that my confidence dipped even further once I got below a certain weight...  It’s like being fat was a kind of safety net, and once I started to get closer to a healthy weight I started to get more self conscious.  I just thought I’d share that, in case you feel the same.  Fore warned is fore armed and all that jazz. 

[Balthazar77]

Welcome to the Rebellion. I admire your courage and vulnerability you displayed in your intro post. You have the basis for a good mindset going. Level up those goals!! We're here for support.

[N0AiR]

I'm a big guy as well. I have always been big. I can relate to a lot of what you shared. I'm brand new and am finding a lot of hope and motivation reading other people's stories. Rock it!

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

[Ziggy the Wonderkid]

On 1/31/2019 at 8:58 AM, Seaborn63 said:

Level 2

"I will be able to do all the fun activities I did growing up"

Growing up near some mountains I was always hiking, rafting, biking, camping, etc.  I miss doing that.  I'm currently way to out of shape to do that stuff, but I will be able too again.

I know exactly how you feel. I've gotten too heavy and out of shape to do the things I love to do and I miss them. But here we both are taking the first of many steps back to what gives us joy.