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Treva

ATLA: Treva pounds it out in the Earth Kingdom

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Watchwords for this challenge are: Tough like Toph, and Rock on/Rock steady.

 

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I'm at a fitness level, weight, and body shape that I'm happy with.  I made great mental progress in the last few months and I even feel I may have grown a little as a person!  Now I want to take the next month from hell to cement it all together.  

 

FYI, Not sure how I’m going to put this together, but I’m sort of trying to run my challenges with my clinicals, so we start this challenge tomorrow and end at the beginning of march.  I’ll figure out Fire Nation stuff when I get there.

 

 

For my Earth Kingdom/Trained by Toph challenge, I want simple goals I can stick to no matter how bad it gets.

 

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Diet: Eat Healthy in Three Easy Steps

  1. Don’t eat junk food because sads

  2. Don’t let fear of buying lunch once a week keep me from eating healthy.

  3. Whatever you do, don’t drink the coffee.

 

Exercise: Prioritize.

  1. KB--always

  2. Strength training (ABC rotation)--if time

  3. Cardio--weekends and free time

 

Music: Prioritize

  1. Lead Rehearsals and have Bells Play in Church--Always

  2. Practice at home whatever you can--if time

  3. Read books--weekends and free time

 

Personal Development: Rules to Live By

  1. Whatever you do, don’t let panic or fear make the decision for you

  2. Say no.  Leave on your own schedule.  Be rude and get on with it.

  3. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than you are.  

 

giphy.gif

 

 

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4 hours ago, Treva said:

Whatever you do, don’t drink the coffee. 

I recognize all the words, but this makes absolutely no sense to me.  None what so ever.  Are you feeling ok?  Is this code? 

 

Otherwise - very clear goals and rules.  Regarding "be rude and get on with it" - I've been finding lately it's helpful to think in terms of setting expectations - both yours (which your challenge clearly does), and those of people around you.  You're getting people trained to expect to interact with you within your designated schedule or according to other needs.

 

It puts a spin of politeness on top of taking care of your own time. Things like "I'm so sorry, I can't meet right now.  I'd be happy to schedule time with you later though" have been incredibly helpful for me, along with then setting a time to talk/meet/whatever.  It's something I'm working with more and more, and again, it's been pretty darn helpful.

 

One of these days, I really need to finish Avatar, and then dive into the Legend of Kora. 

Edited by ChrisWithaStick
Of, dammit...OF, not OR
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I agree, nice goals.

 

@ChrisWithaStick has some good suggestions. Dumbledore has been struggling with the same issue. He is working on saying "This has been great, but I need to go. Would you like to get together again latter?". No one is going to be surprised when a doctor is busy and has to go do other things.

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On 2/3/2019 at 6:06 PM, Treva said:
  • Say no.  Leave on your own schedule.  Be rude and get on with it.

 

I need to do this more.

 

Good challenge!  And Toph! <3

 

On 2/3/2019 at 10:13 PM, ChrisWithaStick said:

 

Otherwise - very clear goals and rules.  Regarding "be rude and get on with it" - I've been finding lately it's helpful to think in terms of setting expectations - both yours (which your challenge clearly does), and those of people around you.  You're getting people trained to expect to interact with you within your designated schedule or according to other needs.

 

Thirding this suggestion.  Again, things I need to do more.

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On 2/3/2019 at 10:13 PM, ChrisWithaStick said:

I recognize all the words, but this makes absolutely no sense to me.  None what so ever.  Are you feeling ok?  Is this code? 

You know I love that this was your reaction.  It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.  Coffee has been upsetting my stomach lately, and it's been interfering with me getting a good night's rest.  I've been sticking to caffeinated tea for now, and aside from totally missing how to calculate something I didn't know I could calculate at work, I've been able to stay on the ball.  

 

On 2/3/2019 at 10:13 PM, ChrisWithaStick said:

Otherwise - very clear goals and rules.  Regarding "be rude and get on with it" - I've been finding lately it's helpful to think in terms of setting expectations - both yours (which your challenge clearly does), and those of people around you.  You're getting people trained to expect to interact with you within your designated schedule or according to other needs.

 

It puts a spin of politeness on top of taking care of your own time. Things like "I'm so sorry, I can't meet right now.  I'd be happy to schedule time with you later though" have been incredibly helpful for me, along with then setting a time to talk/meet/whatever.  It's something I'm working with more and more, and again, it's been pretty darn helpful.

THIS IS SO HELPFUL THANK YOU.  I may borrow that phrase, in an effort to be less rude.  

 

On 2/5/2019 at 12:38 PM, Mistr said:

 

 

@ChrisWithaStick has some good suggestions. Dumbledore has been struggling with the same issue. He is working on saying "This has been great, but I need to go. Would you like to get together again latter?". No one is going to be surprised when a doctor is busy and has to go do other things.

O.O  

Oh.  Right.  People do assume doctors are busy people.  I forget that.  I got so used to "make time for meeeeeeeeee" that I didn't realize most normal humans recognize that doctors are on call and stuff.

 

15 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Good challenge!  And Toph! <3

Thanks!!! Toph is an inspiration

 

 

Okay!  End of week 1!!!

giphy.gif

Diet:

Did not eat sads: 5/6

Healthy lunch: 6/6

No coffee: 6/6

 

Exercise: 

KB: 5/6

Strength: 4/6

Cardio: 3/6

 

Music:

Rehearsal: 1/1

Practice:  4/6

Read: 0/6

 

Personal

Don't panic: 4/6

Say no: 6/6

You are worth it: 6/6

 

Gestalt Grade: Pretty good

 

 

Relevant Emotional Regulation developments

2/4 In lecture on how to give presentations, teacher asks "how many of you would feel comfortable giving a lecture in front of ten thousand people"? and I'm like OF COURSE I am fine with this, I've fallen on my face on live television.  oh.  Wait.  Don't say that treva, your experience is not shared and no one will like you for being a smartass.

2/5 Entry reads: Really like crit care.  badness.  No.  Practicing so important.  YIKES

2/7-2/10 did not panic and text people when afraid they were mad at me.  Waited it out and sent short concise non-charged messages instead

This week's Learning Point: I get mad at myself for not knowing things, and try to compensate by saying more words.  Also, feeling overwhelmed by numbers is a thing that happens to me.  So much data, no idea how to analyze it.

 

I've planned today to do some practicing, go to the gym, and polish off meal prep tonight.

First week on Shock Trauma Crit Care: AMAZING.  I feel so at home.   This is medicine As Freakin Advertised, and What I Thought Being a Doctor was All About.  It's complicated and confusing and I have to know my bleep (which I do not but am working on, because I didn't know what precedex was until monday), and my boss is great and hilarious and my fellows are Genuinely My People and I have to Stop Being So Excited so I can Function and Not Be Annoying.

Also, my brain is finally no longer on fire.  Instead of having a section devoted to Constant Panic, it has been converted to screaming "F*** that noise" to anyone who told me not to go into critical care medicine.

tenor.gif

 

 

I know I need to see how the month goes, and if I can manage the schedule and be okay with everything.  I'm giving myself 7-9 months to decide if I want to go into this professionally, but personally I just want to never leave the unit.  I think the biggest challenge for me is having the right knowledge to recognize what's going on with my patients, and the confidence to tell my team what I think we should do. 

I'm afraid I'd be too dumb to go into critical care medicine.  My fellows assured me that the reason why I don't know the things they do is that people do residencies and fellowships to learn how to do the medicine.  I'm just mad at myself because I should be able to recognize a freaking metabolic alkalosis, but I didn't, because I'm an idiot.  But aside from not knowing drugs, and not freaking understanding electrolytes, or, you know, medicine, I guess I'm okay.  

 

Otherwise, accurate depiction of me on the unit:

source.gif

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On 2/10/2019 at 9:03 AM, Treva said:

Relevant Emotional Regulation developments

2/4 In lecture on how to give presentations, teacher asks "how many of you would feel comfortable giving a lecture in front of ten thousand people"? and I'm like OF COURSE I am fine with this, I've fallen on my face on live television.  oh.  Wait.  Don't say that treva, your experience is not shared and no one will like you for being a smartass.

 

Bonus points for recognizing a trap and avoiding it.

 

On 2/10/2019 at 9:03 AM, Treva said:

First week on Shock Trauma Crit Care: AMAZING.  I feel so at home.   This is medicine As Freakin Advertised, and What I Thought Being a Doctor was All About.  It's complicated and confusing and I have to know my bleep (which I do not but am working on, because I didn't know what precedex was until monday), and my boss is great and hilarious and my fellows are Genuinely My People and I have to Stop Being So Excited so I can Function and Not Be Annoying.

Also, my brain is finally no longer on fire.  Instead of having a section devoted to Constant Panic, it has been converted to screaming "F*** that noise" to anyone who told me not to go into critical care medicine.

 

I know I need to see how the month goes, and if I can manage the schedule and be okay with everything.  I'm giving myself 7-9 months to decide if I want to go into this professionally, but personally I just want to never leave the unit.  I think the biggest challenge for me is having the right knowledge to recognize what's going on with my patients, and the confidence to tell my team what I think we should do. 

I'm afraid I'd be too dumb to go into critical care medicine.  My fellows assured me that the reason why I don't know the things they do is that people do residencies and fellowships to learn how to do the medicine.  I'm just mad at myself because I should be able to recognize a freaking metabolic alkalosis, but I didn't, because I'm an idiot.  But aside from not knowing drugs, and not freaking understanding electrolytes, or, you know, medicine, I guess I'm okay.  

 

How many times have you actually seen a human with metabolic alkalosis before?

 

You have to see it at least once to have any chance at all of recognizing it. Learning that such a condition exists is a completely different thing. Helpful, no doubt, but not sufficient. Your fellows are right. Learning these things is the whole point of doing rotations and residencies. You can take full advantage of your current status to ask ALL THE QUESTIONS. They expect you to not know anything. No one is going to think less of you for it. In fact, asking questions shows that you want to learn. Just pick the appropriate moment when they have the time to answer.

 

Yay for finding your people!

 

I suspect that the main criteria for critical care staff is not freaking out. Most people cannot handle the stress of dealing with other people in dire situations for hours on end. If you can do that, all the other stuff will come with practice.

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On 2/11/2019 at 2:33 PM, Mistr said:

 

How many times have you actually seen a human with metabolic alkalosis before?

 

You have to see it at least once to have any chance at all of recognizing it. Learning that such a condition exists is a completely different thing. Helpful, no doubt, but not sufficient. Your fellows are right. Learning these things is the whole point of doing rotations and residencies. You can take full advantage of your current status to ask ALL THE QUESTIONS. They expect you to not know anything. No one is going to think less of you for it. In fact, asking questions shows that you want to learn. Just pick the appropriate moment when they have the time to answer.

 

On 2/11/2019 at 7:59 PM, ChrisWithaStick said:

^^^^ What @Mistr wrote.  ^^^^ 

 

Mastering any complex applied science (or any applied subject, really) takes time, practice, and lots of study. 

 

 

On 2/13/2019 at 6:54 PM, Kishi said:

Thirding @Mistr.

 

On 2/14/2019 at 12:16 PM, RisenPhoenix said:

Seconding Chris and Kishi!

 

*sigh* thaaanks guys.  That's very generous of you and I appreciate it.  I probably haven't seen it much before, purely because...uh, well.  We don't routinely get people's pH levels, and it's really hard to tell if someone is acidotic or alkalotic without a pH level.  This is good advice.  I have started saying in quiet moments "hey, do you have time to answer this question?"  Which has been okay so far.  It is still hard to know when good moments are because the team is always so busy.  But I'm studying lots--I make up little cheat sheets to bring with me to work--and I'm reviewing my notes and old presentations.  You're right.  It's a lot of practice and work, and I forget that I'm still new and the youngest member on the team, so my plans are going to be the least complicated.

 

That said, my team is not happy I am leaving, because they have said this is the essence of how they feel about me re: getting tasks done.  

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I did things and was credit to team and got stuff done.  it was nice.  

 

YONKERS IT HAS BEEN A WEEK

Diet

Did not eat sads: 5/7

Healthy Lunch: 6/7

Don't drink the Coffee: 7/7

I think this one is the easiest to manage.  For Sads, I've been so engaged and busy at work that I don't really feel sad, or when bad things happen I just make sure I don't eat the junk food at home.  I found a fun healthy lunch that I like (Salad + Roast beef + blue cheese and cream cheese + craisins), and all the people at work have provided positive reinforcement of "YOU MADE THAT? It look so gourmet."  

Also all I have to do is brew my fancy tea in the morning and I feel great.  Also positively reinforced by both one of my attendings and one of my fellows also only drinking tea.

 

6k9TiHa.gif

 

Exercise:

KB: 4/7

Str: 4/7

Cardio: 4/7

So I realized either intentionally or unintentionally, I'm not doing any combat.  Which is weird.  I think before I was trying to force myself to do it to prove something to myself (Find a martial art!  Be a badass!  Make them know you are a badass!  No one will *bleep* with you if you have a freakin sword).  Now I want to do it because it is fun exercise.  Also sticking people with the pointy end.  I will let this one come naturally as the month goes on, and also FENCING SOON.

I also realized that I come home wiped out and no time for anything else if I do KB AND Strength training AND cardio all in one day.  I was late to doing things with my brother, and any time my work interferes with my family time is when I do a reset.  I might do the following thing:

Alpha Day: KB+10 pushups+1 set baby pull ups+swings+ 1 set ballet of choice+cardio

Beta Day: KB+ Strength Day (Traditional A, B, C)

Gamma Day: ALL THE THINGS

Alternating alpha and beta days, with the occasional gamma day thrown in for fun/when I'm off and have NO THINGS.

 

Music:

Rehearsal: 0/1 (not me, missing people)

Practice: 2/7

Read: 0/2

Not practicing because SO Much Gym Time.  Reassessing as above.

 

Personal:

Don't panic: 4/7

Say No: 6/7

You are worth it: 5/7

Some of the biggest progress I made at work this week was when we had crises on the floor, I found ways I could help and things I could do.  After trialing my first 28 hr shift (for fun and education), I also came up with a new system for organizing (and saving) my to do lists and my handoffs.  The traditional note we have in the computer actually has too much information on it for me to find it useful for tracking what happens to my patient. 

tumblr_ltpbv6v47l1r1nmpao1_r1_500.gif

At the end of my long shift my presentations were a disaster; I even forgot what we had talked about the morning before!  Keeping my daily to do lists and the handoffs with the more concise version of labs and imaging on it made it much easier for me to follow, keep track of, and present my patients yesterday.  I didn't have to run my plans with my resident, and my attending actually listened to me and took my suggestions.  I still didn't get to make all the decisions on medications and drips, but I felt really confident in my presenting, and could tell the team about the experimental medications I had researched.  Instead of desperately trying to "find another paper" on a patient, I was using their problems to spur further learning and look for better ways to help them.  Twice now an attending has said "If you were here longer, we'd have you research that", and I've been able to come back with "Actually, I did some research this morning/earlier this week, and here's what I found."

 

In long term life goals, the crit care unit has also been one of the only places where we regularly cite large research studies on rounds, and discuss their validity with regards to our patients.  It's really refreshing to be on a team that heavily incorporates accurate, cutting-edge information so we can provide the best care to our patients.  I really love how busy, engaging, and challenging the work is.    

 

atla_tophwhoiam.gif

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On 2/17/2019 at 9:27 AM, Treva said:

That said, my team is not happy I am leaving, because they have said this is the essence of how they feel about me re: getting tasks done.  

tumblr_m9nerhrF2x1qb0pjao8_400.gif

I did things and was credit to team and got stuff done.  it was nice.  

 

Yay! That is great feedback. :D 

 

On 2/17/2019 at 9:27 AM, Treva said:

Some of the biggest progress I made at work this week was when we had crises on the floor, I found ways I could help and things I could do.  After trialing my first 28 hr shift (for fun and education), I also came up with a new system for organizing (and saving) my to do lists and my handoffs.  The traditional note we have in the computer actually has too much information on it for me to find it useful for tracking what happens to my patient. 

 

At the end of my long shift my presentations were a disaster; I even forgot what we had talked about the morning before!  Keeping my daily to do lists and the handoffs with the more concise version of labs and imaging on it made it much easier for me to follow, keep track of, and present my patients yesterday.  I didn't have to run my plans with my resident, and my attending actually listened to me and took my suggestions.  I still didn't get to make all the decisions on medications and drips, but I felt really confident in my presenting, and could tell the team about the experimental medications I had researched.  Instead of desperately trying to "find another paper" on a patient, I was using their problems to spur further learning and look for better ways to help them.  Twice now an attending has said "If you were here longer, we'd have you research that", and I've been able to come back with "Actually, I did some research this morning/earlier this week, and here's what I found."

 

In long term life goals, the crit care unit has also been one of the only places where we regularly cite large research studies on rounds, and discuss their validity with regards to our patients.  It's really refreshing to be on a team that heavily incorporates accurate, cutting-edge information so we can provide the best care to our patients.  I really love how busy, engaging, and challenging the work is.    

 

Go Treva! You demonstrated learning behavior in how you deal with 28 hour shifts and track information.

 

Now you know where to find your people. I hope you can get a residency with them or a similar team at another institution.

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On ‎2‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 10:27 AM, Treva said:

I think this one is the easiest to manage.  For Sads, I've been so engaged and busy at work that I don't really feel sad, or when bad things happen I just make sure I don't eat the junk food at home.  I found a fun healthy lunch that I like (Salad + Roast beef + blue cheese and cream cheese + craisins), and all the people at work have provided positive reinforcement of "YOU MADE THAT? It look so gourmet."  

 

I have to admit, that does sound really good.

 

On ‎2‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 10:27 AM, Treva said:

I also realized that I come home wiped out and no time for anything else if I do KB AND Strength training AND cardio all in one day.  I was late to doing things with my brother, and any time my work interferes with my family time is when I do a reset.  I might do the following thing:

Alpha Day: KB+10 pushups+1 set baby pull ups+swings+ 1 set ballet of choice+cardio

Beta Day: KB+ Strength Day (Traditional A, B, C)

Gamma Day: ALL THE THINGS

Alternating alpha and beta days, with the occasional gamma day thrown in for fun/when I'm off and have NO THINGS.

 

Good for you. It's wise to rebuild things from time to time as necessary. Hopefully the new routine lets you stay with your family and let you get the results you want. And fencing in the future!

 

On ‎2‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 10:27 AM, Treva said:

At the end of my long shift my presentations were a disaster; I even forgot what we had talked about the morning before!

 

After 28 hours awake? Yeah. I don't think anyone would do well presenting with complicated medical info. Presentation in general is complicated enough with full night's sleep!

 

On ‎2‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 10:27 AM, Treva said:

Keeping my daily to do lists and the handoffs with the more concise version of labs and imaging on it made it much easier for me to follow, keep track of, and present my patients yesterday.  I didn't have to run my plans with my resident, and my attending actually listened to me and took my suggestions.  I still didn't get to make all the decisions on medications and drips, but I felt really confident in my presenting, and could tell the team about the experimental medications I had researched.  Instead of desperately trying to "find another paper" on a patient, I was using their problems to spur further learning and look for better ways to help them.  Twice now an attending has said "If you were here longer, we'd have you research that", and I've been able to come back with "Actually, I did some research this morning/earlier this week, and here's what I found."

 

In long term life goals, the crit care unit has also been one of the only places where we regularly cite large research studies on rounds, and discuss their validity with regards to our patients.  It's really refreshing to be on a team that heavily incorporates accurate, cutting-edge information so we can provide the best care to our patients.  I really love how busy, engaging, and challenging the work is.

 

Yeah. This sounds like a good place to be. I guess you do have to keep going on your rotations and such, but it's always good to find an area of practice that you like. Hopefully you get to come back, unless an opportunity for the Dream Practice comes along.

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On 2/18/2019 at 3:54 PM, Mistr said:

 

Yay! That is great feedback. :D 

 

 

Go Treva! You demonstrated learning behavior in how you deal with 28 hour shifts and track information.

 

Now you know where to find your people. I hope you can get a residency with them or a similar team at another institution.

 

On 2/18/2019 at 5:50 PM, Kishi said:

 

Good for you. It's wise to rebuild things from time to time as necessary. Hopefully the new routine lets you stay with your family and let you get the results you want. And fencing in the future!

 

 

After 28 hours awake? Yeah. I don't think anyone would do well presenting with complicated medical info. Presentation in general is complicated enough with full night's sleep!

 

 

Yeah. This sounds like a good place to be. I guess you do have to keep going on your rotations and such, but it's always good to find an area of practice that you like. Hopefully you get to come back, unless an opportunity for the Dream Practice comes along.

 

Yeah 28 hours is a while, and I even got to sleep for 5 hours at night!  My resident was super generous and let me.  Presentations are hard, especially in the ICU, but I like to think I'm getting better at them.  

 

I guess the TL;DR about my feelings in the ICU is that I'm with the team that is not super my communication style?  We'll leave it at that.  While the social situation is suboptimal, the work is still interesting and I'm still making deductions.

 

Diet: 

Did not eat sads: 4/7  I did eat more sads this week because the team and the cases have been rougher.  It's to be expected; I'm on neurotrauma, and once you bonk your head real good, you don't really come back the same.  So that's been sad.

Healthy Lunch: 6/7   The only not healthy lunch was for mom's birthday, also to be expected.

Don't drink the coffee: 7/7   Not drinking the coffee and using a night light has continued to make things awesome.  I sleep so well now

LightheartedAncientBlackwidowspider-size

 

Exercise

KB: 5/7

Str:3/7

Cardio: 2/7

I am sort of estimating on these, because I don't remember exactly what or how I did things.  The new reduced method has been allowing me to get home 20-30 minutes earlier, which makes a huge difference in getting me to bed on time.  And bed on time is less groggy in the mornings, and less groggy Treva recognizes metabolic derangements much better.

 

Music: 

Rehearsal: 0/1 not me, choir again

Practice: 3/7 Estimating, because can't remember and didn't write it down.  However, writing down on stickies in my music what I want to do the next day/where I left off the night before?  SUPER helpful!!

Read: 0/2

 

Personal

Don't Panic: 5/7 Not as good because my team is less good, but there have been multiple Bad Cases this week, and one of them I cracked (my differential was Two Things, Please Check for this One Corroborating piece to confirm Thing A, and It Was Thing A), and the other I was one of the only two people on the team Not A Mess, and was able to help my fellow get the bleepshow worked up while everyone else was dealing with the Drama.

You are worth it: 3/7  This has been less good because I've been getting talked over at work.  It has fed into the "you are always the lowest on the totem pole, and will always know the least" complex I have going on.  There have been some wins at work for me academically, like recognizing That Thing A the computer didn't, and recognizing a Syndrome that nursing told me to buck off from.  I am finding ways to quietly assert myself, especially in those cases because I have seen them before and I know what I am doing.

 

446c9e7f7e3f34440528004b0f5b65064e6e282c

Just Say No: 7/7 I told my attendings I was not coming in this weekend because I had these two extra days to take off (so I could work and surprise my mom for her bday).  

 

It has been a hit or miss week, especially with a new team.  I'm trying to be helpful, and sometimes it's hard to know what that looks like.  I still like the cases, I love the physiology (although my team is not big on it), and I'm trying to be patient with being seen as "just the med student."  This isn't a team that likes me to ask questions, so I may take the "just the med student" time to learn all the drugs really well, look up interactions, try to figure out rationales and treatment protocols.  That sort of thing.

 

 

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Good for you figuring out cases and keeping your composure in the face of Drama. It sounds like this rotation is a learning experience of the "I need to do this once and only once and after that it will be done" kind. Especially compared to your last rotation.

 

You can be undercover as "just the medical student" and observe many things about team dynamics and medical practice. Take notes and ask other people your questions later. You've got this.

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I wrote this up a few days ago and forgot to post this I am SO WITH IT.

 

 

On 2/25/2019 at 6:24 PM, Mistr said:

Good for you figuring out cases and keeping your composure in the face of Drama. It sounds like this rotation is a learning experience of the "I need to do this once and only once and after that it will be done" kind. Especially compared to your last rotation.

 

You can be undercover as "just the medical student" and observe many things about team dynamics and medical practice. Take notes and ask other people your questions later. You've got this.

 

So right after I wrote about being undercover I actually ended up speaking up on rounds because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have presented any patients (due to being talked over by my entire team).  After that, the team and I got on much better.  I have NO idea why, but I think they realized if I don't present, I don't get a grade, and if I don't get a grade, naturally I fail the rotation.

 

But once that was over, I got better at admitting I didn't know things, and my teammates got better at teaching me things without making me feel like I was an idiot.  I actually ended up enjoying it by the end, and I feel like I had to grow as a person in order to deal with this team.  I learned how to speak up, but also when to stay quiet, and how to negotiate my role as a junior member of the team.  That in itself was a valuable learning experience, and I'm glad I took the time and had the patience to shut up and figure it out.

 

 

So I actually might wrap up this challenge, since I've done it for four weeks and have started a new rotation today.  And that means new schedule, which means new types of goals and workouts.  Yonkers.

 

Diet: 

Did not eat sads: 3/7 Unfortunately this is sort of an estimate.  I'm assuming monday and at least one other day I didn't do great, but all the other days I stuck to my diet.  Saturday I did not.  Sunday wasn't a great day for eating, but I had light breakfast (protein bar+fruit smoothie) and almost no lunch on accident (beef jerky).  A bigger dinner with more carbs than usual was okay by me.

Healthy Lunch: 6/7   I alternated between my salad stuff, buying a salad at work, and some microwaveable foods I had.  

Don't drink the coffee: 7/7  This is the thing I do now, and it is nice.

 

Exercise

KB: 5/7: The 25lb bell does feel lighter now

Str:5/7: I'm getting closer to that pull up!  I can do a hands in front of me tactical pull up.  I can do more neutral grip/commando pullups, as google tells me the thing is that I am doing.  It's a lot easier than it used to be.

Cardio: 5/7: I shaved off a minute from my mile time from when I started running back in January from 10 to 9 minutes.  Still pretty bad (my best was an 8:30...in middle school), but I'm proud of myself for making the progress and for getting under 10 minutes without totally killing myself.  

I've been doing the reduced method, and I think it's really been helping.  I missed I think only two days, but I've been bad at keeping track on any kind of regular basis.  I'm in a conundrum, as right now the scale says I'm up 2-4 pounds, but all my clothes still fit just fine.  It could be a shark-week water weight that will right itself this week.  Alternatively, I'm not sure if this is the "loss-then-gain" I was warned about where I would lose weight as I lost fat, but gain some back as I put on muscle.  I have more muscle than I used to.

 

Music: 

Rehearsal: 1/1 We finally rehearsed, but I think I have to move us to a new model, because I just don't have the people available to do the rehearsals we need to do.

Practice: 5/7  I am doing this thing where I skip two days at the gym, and skip two days of practicing, but those are never the same two days.  It's allowed me to do some gamma days at the gym, as well as big long practice sessions at home.  I've made some strides I'm proud of.

Read: 0/2 Hahaha I have been reading and writing trash instead and this is terrible, gosh darn it Treva BE PRODUCTIVE

 

Personal

Don't Panic: 5/7  I did really well with this.  Aside from me having to stand my ground on Monday, and having some chaos on Saturday where I cleaned like a Monster to Get Out My Feelings, I stayed calm.  I'm trying to carry this learning pattern over to where I am right now.

You are worth it: 4/7 I did pretty well with this at work.  Aside from Monday, I felt really valued and like I was an important member of the team.  At home, I'm still on the interpersonal-relationships-value struggle bus.  I am still doing a lot of the housework (thank goodness for robots), and with the above confusion of Is this muscle or am I just fat, my self esteem hasn't been fabulous.  It's a lot of societal messaging about what traits, qualities, and abilities are valued in XX humans, and none of that makes me feel particularly good about myself.

Just Say No: 5/7 I did alright with this as well, I've been good about telling people I don't want to talk to or see that they need to give me space, I'm busy right now, and I will get back to them.

 

 

And, since I do think I need a new type of challenge for the next two weeks, Totals after 4 Weeks

 

Diet

Did not Eat Sads: 17/27  Did not do super great with this.  I think the sads were more team related, and it got worse when I went to worse teams.  I didn't help myself either by having a lot of chocolate in the house.  I've since put some of the bars in an emergency stash with my favorite books and lotions as a Care Box for when I'm having a really bad day.

Healthy Lunch: 24/27  One of my really good scores this month.  It's easy when I did the same thing, had a few extra options, and made sure it was ALWAYS a GODDAM SALAD

Don't Drink the Coffee: 27/27  Best score of the month.  I made a substitution, and it worked.

 

Exercise

KB: 19/27.  Not bad.  Having these at home really helped.

Str: 16/27  Okay, not great.  I realized some days I got sad, or was tired, made it hard to do my strength training

Cardio: 14/27  This I did one of the worst at, but I think the idea was to combine different things to try and keep my health up.  I should probably do more of this.

 

Music: 

Rehearsal : 2/4  No fault of my own.  This was it's own disaster in scheduling, which is just stressful for me.

Practice: 14/27  I lost my groove in the middle of the month when things got busy, and it took a minute to figure out how to do this again.  I want to work harder at getting any practicing in, even if it's just a little bit.

Read: 0/8  It was really hard to study music stuff this month.  I just didn't have the energy.

 

Personal

Don't Panic: 18/27  I am getting better at this!!  I think it depends on the people around me right now, and I need to make that not be the case.

You Are Worth It: 19/27  Also getting better at this!  The end of this week and some of my own feelings about myself have been setting me back.  It bothers me that I keep seeking external validation and acceptance for my existence and qualities, and I need my feelings to not be impacted by whether or not the people around me value me.  Maybe the first step in that process is knowing that I value myself, but accepting that it's still going to hurt when society and the people around me will tell me I don't matter.  

Just Say No: 23/27  So much better at this.  I had a bobble with getting rehearsals scheduled, because...rehearsal scheduling is hard.  

 

 

Changes for Next Time

Diet: Eating less sads is the number one goal.  Do Not Eat The Cortisol

Exercise: More cardio, whenever possible.  I've switched from treadmill to track running, which saves me the time of going down a level to find a machine, cleaning it, etc, and the fussing with speeds.  

Music: Finding more time to practice, especially when I'm tired!! and more time to read, whenever I can.  I'm cutting back rehearsals, which will hopefully give me more time and energy to devote to practicing.

Personal: Finding ways to make myself feel like I'm worth it, even when the people around me make it clear I am the opposite.  More of accepting that sometimes life isn't as fair as we'd like it to be.

 

Overall, it would be great if I had an app where I could put in my goals for the week based on the day, and be able at the end of the day just tick the boxes of things I did or did not do.  Do such apps exist? 

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1 hour ago, Treva said:

I learned how to speak up, but also when to stay quiet, and how to negotiate my role as a junior member of the team. 

1 hour ago, Treva said:

It's a lot of societal messaging about what traits, qualities, and abilities are valued in XX humans, and none of that makes me feel particularly good about myself.

Not sure if you're a podcast listener, but there are two episodes of one of my favorite podcasts that I think you might enjoy. 

 

They're from Harder To Kill Radio by Steph Gaudreau. The First is How to Find Value & Strength in your own voice and her episode from this week (it's not letting me link it directly but here's the sticher link to the podcast in general) on Beauty Redifined 

 

1 hour ago, Treva said:

Overall, it would be great if I had an app where I could put in my goals for the week based on the day, and be able at the end of the day just tick the boxes of things I did or did not do.  Do such apps exist? 

I found one at one point. I will see if I can find it again. it might be habitbull from my quick 2 second google... the logo doesn't look right but seems like every app i know is changing their logo right now. 

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21 hours ago, Treva said:

Did not eat sads: 3/7 Unfortunately this is sort of an estimate.  I'm assuming monday and at least one other day I didn't do great, but all the other days I stuck to my diet.  Saturday I did not.  Sunday wasn't a great day for eating, but I had light breakfast (protein bar+fruit smoothie) and almost no lunch on accident (beef jerky).  A bigger dinner with more carbs than usual was okay by me.

Healthy Lunch: 6/7   I alternated between my salad stuff, buying a salad at work, and some microwaveable foods I had.  

Don't drink the coffee: 7/7  This is the thing I do now, and it is nice.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

Diet

Did not Eat Sads: 17/27  Did not do super great with this.  I think the sads were more team related, and it got worse when I went to worse teams.  I didn't help myself either by having a lot of chocolate in the house.  I've since put some of the bars in an emergency stash with my favorite books and lotions as a Care Box for when I'm having a really bad day.

Healthy Lunch: 24/27  One of my really good scores this month.  It's easy when I did the same thing, had a few extra options, and made sure it was ALWAYS a GODDAM SALAD

Don't Drink the Coffee: 27/27  Best score of the month.  I made a substitution, and it worked.

 

Eh. It's a win overall, looks like. Sure, there were some emotional eating days, but it also looks like you stuck to your goals more often than not and even on the bad days you made better choices than you might have otherwise. It sure does seem like things went well from out here.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

KB: 5/7: The 25lb bell does feel lighter now

Str:5/7: I'm getting closer to that pull up!  I can do a hands in front of me tactical pull up.  I can do more neutral grip/commando pullups, as google tells me the thing is that I am doing.  It's a lot easier than it used to be.

Cardio: 5/7: I shaved off a minute from my mile time from when I started running back in January from 10 to 9 minutes.  Still pretty bad (my best was an 8:30...in middle school), but I'm proud of myself for making the progress and for getting under 10 minutes without totally killing myself.

 

21 hours ago, Treva said:

Exercise

KB: 19/27.  Not bad.  Having these at home really helped.

Str: 16/27  Okay, not great.  I realized some days I got sad, or was tired, made it hard to do my strength training

Cardio: 14/27  This I did one of the worst at, but I think the idea was to combine different things to try and keep my health up.  I should probably do more of this.

 

Could be better, could be worse. I definitely get not feeling like training, but if it helps, training can be a kind of emotional therapy. I know that when I'm not out on the mats, life just doesn't feel right, but when I get out there and get beat up and live through it, somehow life just looks and feels better. I'm not necessarily saying to train sad or angry - those aren't good either - but they can feed into your overall mental health and resilience, and this is a Very Good Thing.

 

Anyway, there's more to be said, but I'm out of time. I'll drop by later, but bottom line is that you didn't do less than good. And you're showing improvements all over the place. Most excellent!

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On 3/7/2019 at 6:38 PM, Toshimi said:

Not sure if you're a podcast listener, but there are two episodes of one of my favorite podcasts that I think you might enjoy. 

 

They're from Harder To Kill Radio by Steph Gaudreau. The First is How to Find Value & Strength in your own voice and her episode from this week (it's not letting me link it directly but here's the sticher link to the podcast in general) on Beauty Redifined 

I do like podcasts, and I can't wait to listen to these!  They sound like things I will benefit from hearing.

 

I have installed HabitBull and I'm excited to make it a part of my next challenge.  thank you for recommending it to me, it looks like the easy to use and customizable tracker I need.  Thank you so much!

 

On 3/8/2019 at 3:58 PM, Kishi said:

 

Eh. It's a win overall, looks like. Sure, there were some emotional eating days, but it also looks like you stuck to your goals more often than not and even on the bad days you made better choices than you might have otherwise. It sure does seem like things went well from out here.

That's true, I did more good than bad for the most part.  Never perfect, but what in life is?   I'm glad I was at least able to keep things under control when life got crazy.

 

On 3/8/2019 at 3:58 PM, Kishi said:

Could be better, could be worse. I definitely get not feeling like training, but if it helps, training can be a kind of emotional therapy. I know that when I'm not out on the mats, life just doesn't feel right, but when I get out there and get beat up and live through it, somehow life just looks and feels better. I'm not necessarily saying to train sad or angry - those aren't good either - but they can feed into your overall mental health and resilience, and this is a Very Good Thing.

 

Anyway, there's more to be said, but I'm out of time. I'll drop by later, but bottom line is that you didn't do less than good. And you're showing improvements all over the place. Most excellent!

Thank you for dropping in at all!  And you're right, training when I'm tired is really important.  I think finding my line between "tired and don't want to" and "tired and I REALLY need to sleep" is important for me.  I do like to train for the endorphins and for more happiness reasons, and maybe switching to running (a cardio I hate) probably didn't help.

 

Thank you for the support and for reinforcing that I did make improvements, and that there is some good and positive change happening!!

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On 3/16/2019 at 11:08 AM, Tzippi Longstockings said:

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Mud fight!

 

(Following)

 

 

YAAS!! I'm headed to fight the fire nation next!!

 

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