Jump to content

Bean Sidhe vs Chaos _ I WANT TO BELIEVE


Recommended Posts

VagueFirmBrownbear-small.gif
So I haven’t given up. I don’t feel I am getting anywhere, but hey, I am still here and last challenge went pretty well.  Spoiler has basic background info.

Spoiler

I am a mom to 2 Agents of Chaos (Eldest and Youngest), and 3 fur agents (Agent Black (kitten 1.5 year old), Agent White (kitten 9 months) and Agent K9 (dog)). I am married and I work part time. I also go to college while being that mom that helps at the school and is the first one teachers call when they need something. I garden and could almost call it homestead somewhat with canning food to last the year.

This year has been rough, as was the one before. We had 2 deaths in a matter of a month, and many other curve balls thrown at us that have us all off balance. Emotions are high, and that does not help my anxiety or depression. I do better when I feel I have some control somewhere. Which is what most of my challenges are. They are about getting control where I can, my eating, my exercise/flexibility, and fighting the chaos in the house and in our lives.

Things are not easy sometimes (most of the time). I am trying to balance everything while still maybe finding some time for me in the process. I am learning to try and juggle all the things while still helping here at home. There is no "go to the gym" time with kids in activities 4 nights a week and my work and schoolwork. The semester has begun, and the chaos and time spent studying returned as well. We are still behind in things that should have happened before now and some days, I really just want to throw in the towel. But all I keep thinking is hopefully today is the day I don’t give up.

Long term goals: Return to a more balanced feeling, Get healthy, Have more energy, Have quality time with my family, get control of the chaos so It’s less chaos, and either avoid or learn to handle the rocks being thrown at me better.

So winter is very much here. While it will warm up at the beginning of the challenge, that doesn’t make the things coming up easier, but rather harder.  

The good news is, my dad is returning to work this week for the first time since his stroke. My birthday is in this challenge and we are in our new normal of what things will be with my parents. The family drama is still here and I am actually kinda of worried about how things will go with my birthday and them.

I am being reminded regularly that if I DON’T take care of myself, I could end up unable to care for my family. I see it almost daily in caring for my dad (and it’s not my dad showing me).  Add to that, tonight we were talking about old times and Eldest Agent’s friend seemed amazed that A) I was ever small once, B) I was ever young once and C) that I could honestly do some flexibility moves he can’t.

All of this being said means I need to get my act together and do my boxes. So much of me wants to do ALL THE THINGS right now and see improvement and see progress. But it isn’t there yet. So I keep trying. This challenge will be similar to the last 2, in the “Do X number of things from a category a day”. This has helped because some days I can do more, but most days I do at least SOMETHING. I increased the number of things I need to do in a couple of categories I added a thing or 2.

The plan is:

Strength (Do 4 of 9) – To have the physical strength to keep going

Balance ball crunches

Wall Sit (sec)

Side kicks

Leg lifts

 Reverse sit ups

sit ups

Knee to Elbows

Push ups

Balance Ball push ups

                Flexibility (do  6 of 11) – To have the flexibility to bend when the world wants me to break

Wrist Extension Stretch

Upward dog/Child pose

Meditating Groot

Lord of the dance Yoga (ankle above head)

Butterfly

Ballet/toe Touch

Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch

Warrior 1

Warrior 3 (Eagle bird thing)

Side stretch

Forward bend

 

Life and Family (do 10 of 13) – To remember what is important

Play with Cats

NF time

Do something for internship

Spend time with Agents

Check Seedlings

Plan

Be in bed by 11:30

Floss in morning

Floss before bed

Work on one thing off of Part B list Daily

One good thing

Water a plant

Homework time daily

Fighting Chaos – Clean these daily (Do 4 of 7) – To prevent some chaos by having things ready to be used

Pennisula/Island

Table / Half wall

Desk

Bathroom up

Bathroom down

Clean off door to basement

Clean off Dresser

 

Fighting Chaos – Purge or organize (do 4 of 8) – To finally control some of the physical chaos that contributes to the problem

Front room

Computer room

Basement

3 pages out of recipe binder

Clean off nightstands

Counter over dishwasher

File 1 thing a day

Purge 1 thing a day

 

Walking  (Do  2 of 4)– To increase my ability to go the distance when needed

(stupid format issues)

Walk 10500 steps

Walk 15 minutes a day

7 hours with 250 steps

Walk to Mordor

 

 

 

 

 

Fuel (Do 8 of 12) – To ensure I have the nutrition and energy to keep going (more dumb format issues)

No eating after dinner

No stupid sugar

Track breakfast

Track Second breakfast

Track Elevensies

< 3 bottles of tea

Eat Yogurt Daily

Eat Bananas Daily

Eat dried Apricots

Eat Breakfast

Eat Lunch

120 oz of water

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Overall there is 64 possible points, and to get the correct amount for each goal, I need at least 38 pts a day. I am hoping for more each day. I still feel like accepting that this isn’t working and this is where I am going to be is a thing. But I am here and I am trying and that is all I can do. I may not have much to run on, but I am hoping that continuing where I am, trying to increase what I do will do something. As a result, I am going to believe that this will get me there. That maybe, just maybe I can do this

tenor.gif?itemid=5016443

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites

How did I become the first rebel to get up a challenge?? anyway, Part B list

Part B list or LIST OF DOOM depending on the day. Only till end of challenge

(Does not take into account regular activities for Agents. This list will probably grow during the challenge as I find/think of things that need done.)

 

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Change rank patch on scout shirt

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Fix reusable bag

o   Last Christmas shopping

o   Birthday food?

o   Birthday cake Youngest

o   Drop ship orders for Christmas

o   Mail extended family presents

o   Post new challenge

o   Write new challenge

o   Change signature link

o   Drop ship orders for family

o   Get tie for Youngest Sweat pants

o   Get to work on finding an internship

o   Ensure all Thank you notes are done correctly

o   Envelops for thank you notes

o   Mail Thank you notes

o   Order slow feed bowls for cats

o   Post for new challenge

o   Find out if I can watch Youngest Agents friend on day off school

o   Youngest Agent’s BELATED birthday party

o   Present for Niece

o   Meeting at school

o   Youngest Blood draw

o   Job fair for internship

o   Start looking at care for Agents spring break

o   Present for Nephews birthday

o   Start tomatoes

o   Start herbs

o   Check seeds starting list for other start dates


 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Huhu, I couldn't help myself and ended up doing a Challenge anyway.

Which also means I'll try and stop by here occasionally, too.

 

I love your Colourcoded Categories by the way.

Though I've been laughing when I realised that you are doing balanceball exercises too.

I still think that the PT was a demon in disguise when he designed my circuit with that thing.

 

By the way, the list of doom is getting shorter or am I imagining things?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following along again.

 

Thanks for the follow. I appreciate the support

 

18 hours ago, Casbin said:

Huhu, I couldn't help myself and ended up doing a Challenge anyway.

Which also means I'll try and stop by here occasionally, too.

 

I stopped by and checked out your challenge. Hopefully we both have a successful challenge this round.

 

18 hours ago, Casbin said:

I love your Colourcoded Categories by the way.

 

I got lazy and copied these straight from the spreadsheet. I color code it in the spread sheet to remember which ones go together.

 

18 hours ago, Casbin said:

Though I've been laughing when I realised that you are doing balanceball exercises too.

I still think that the PT was a demon in disguise when he designed my circuit with that thing.

 

Mine isn't a PT thing, but rather a few challenges back I was doing really good and added a few more exercises and I had the ball taking up space so I figured I should use it.

 

18 hours ago, Casbin said:

By the way, the list of doom is getting shorter or am I imagining things?

It is and it isn't. This is the list of stuff that HAS TO get done. Some of it is bleed over from last challenge, some of it is a quick peek at what is on the calendar now. I have already had to add to it since they finally decided to get me the info on about 4 things at one of the Agents school. So this is the list is constantly changing as things pop up.

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 1 (since I don't tend to do the off week thing).

 

The morning I went really well and I felt like I was starting to get things done.

 

Then I got home from work and Youngest Agent's school was dumb and is punishing the entire grade for a few bad eggs, whats more, she can't even see her best friends. Its heartbreaking since she use to LOVE school and now she doesn't want to go anymore because she can't even see her friends at lunch or recess. It was pretty bad and I had to get into "try and find out the full story" mode.  by the end of the night she was better, but this morning she is still not the same.

 

As a result, my study time was not as productive as it should have been. I still have one teacher that hasn't posted the lecture from last week, let alone this week. I get the instructor was put in a bad spot from the administration, but my patience is running out since I doubt she would except late assignments from us because out lives got weird.

 

Anyway, I got some homework done, even if it wasn't what my plan was. I got all my boxes for the day with 42 boxes out of 38. I was hoping to do a bit better but at least it was warm enough yesterday morning to walk to school so I got a small walk in, even if I didn't count it for my walk. The big hurdle will be doing the life and family stuff since 10/13 doesn't leave many to not do.

 

Here is hoping for a less busy day 2.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Then I got home from work and Youngest Agent's school was dumb and is punishing the entire grade for a few bad eggs, whats more, she can't even see her best friends. Its heartbreaking since she use to LOVE school and now she doesn't want to go anymore because she can't even see her friends at lunch or recess. It was pretty bad and I had to get into "try and find out the full story" mode.  by the end of the night she was better, but this morning she is still not the same.

 

There is no better way to sap motivation from your students who behave than by making them responsible for bearing the consequences of the poorly behaved students. Even worse, if this becomes a trend, the poorly behaved students realize they have power over everyone and can affect people by their own behavior. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Mine isn't a PT thing, but rather a few challenges back I was doing really good and added a few more exercises and I had the ball taking up space so I figured I should use it.

It is a great way to work up balance and core strength.

 

Meh, that school thing is kind of weird, sorry you had to put so much attention on their doing to pick up your youngest mood and mindset.

But you've hit the quota anyway and didn't count your walk for it!

 

And I still love that attention the agents is such a big part of your goals!

Besides 8/11 & 10/13 is quite challenging but I believe that you can do this long term.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

So yesterday went into the toliet and I am trying to NOT let it get to me.
 

I did great till I got home from work. Long story short, Youngest was in tears again about the lunch issue and is acting very not herself. Add that to Hubby had been on a jury for 2 days and had a case that messed with his mind. Needless to say, I was in "fix the people" mode most of the night. I didn't get any homework done, I just had to cuddle Youngest and make her better. She was happy again after I let her play this video game Stardew Valley that I play. The premise is that you can't handle corporate life anymore, and your grandfather gave you a farm next to this tiny town but with no real way to go much further. But it is all beat up and you have to fix up the farm and find a way to make a living out there while making the community stronger. She has always wanted to live on a farm and I think right now the idea of gardening and fishing and foraging all day sounds better than having to go to school. That helped, but this morning she woke up in a funk again.

 

Anyway, I only got 3 of the 7 boxes. I will admit I am not happy with that, but it is life. I even thought of doing the whole "I restarted since it is zero week" but that never gets anywhere good.

I am just tired of having everything be so hard. Why can't I have the less hard way for once. Oh and I need to email the principal back today. Not something I feel like doing.

  • Like 1
  • Sad 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Casbin said:

It is a great way to work up balance and core strength.

That is the theory if it. I figured It can't hurt to try it more.

 

15 hours ago, Casbin said:

Meh, that school thing is kind of weird, sorry you had to put so much attention on their doing to pick up your youngest mood and mindset.

But you've hit the quota anyway and didn't count your walk for it!

 

The school thing is a mess. And I am trying to not let it suck me in entirely, but the school thing is winning.

 

15 hours ago, Casbin said:

And I still love that attention the agents is such a big part of your goals!

Besides 8/11 & 10/13 is quite challenging but I believe that you can do this long term.

I am hoping I can. Here is to hoping I got this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

There is no better way to sap motivation from your students who behave than by making them responsible for bearing the consequences of the poorly behaved students. Even worse, if this becomes a trend, the poorly behaved students realize they have power over everyone and can affect people by their own behavior. 

 

This has been what has happened. At the beginning of the last school year, they brought in a new principal and the place is going down hill. The kids don't respect her since they know she won't do anything to a single person since she would have to figure out who that kid is. (all she tells me about Youngest Agent whenever she sees us is "Youngest Agent has the prettiest lunch in the whole school"  So of course I think she knows anything about my kid).

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, fleaball said:

It's always worth asking if you need to. Don't write it off as a possibility.

 

So far I haven't needed it and I am hoping to keep it that way. However, I need to do my homework today. However, I fully admit that I really really don't want to and am having a hard time making myself do it (see yesterday. I did 1/2 page).

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay, so yesterday was draining again. Mostly due to this dumb lunch thing. Me and another mom are kinda trying to start an email flood to the principal about it. The other mom is ready to go above her head, but we will see. Also Weds are the hard days where we are just running non stop between school, work, garden club and 2 more activities.

 

But I do have a few things I am kinda proud of.

A) So after I wrote this Wall of Text Email to the principal asking her to explain her reasoning for this (Its no longer a punishment, it is to allow for more time to eat for just one grade level??), I realized I was in a pretty bad funk. Except I had to do garden club in like 20 minutes. So I put my coat on and in the cold walked the longer way up to the school. So I got a real walk in and it felt good. The walk also helped me calm down and refocus so I wouldn't be grouchy at the kids.

 

B ) When I was able to finally sit down for homework, I really didn't want to and honestly, I wasn't sure I could. I was so drained and tired and I really didn't want to concentrate. I did manage to get some (not all) of what I needed to done, but it was better than nothing at all. I need to work harder today, but we will see there.

 

 C) About 930 I was finishing up my boxes when I realized I was about 1000 steps from my goal, so I picked up a cat toy and had the cats chase me through the house. I got them moving and myself and it was more fun than walking laps.

 

D) Due to the 2 above, I got all 4 pts in my walking section and I missed 1 pt (track Elevensies) out of everything on on my fuel section.

 

E) I picked up my phone and realized yesterday I have gone 905 days without a soda. I hadn't even looked at that widget in a bit, so that was a nice surprise to see.

 

Overall, I got 46 pts out of 38 and all my boxes done. (total available is 64). I would like to get better than that, but I am happy with that. I haven't made the walking goal in awhile. Now if I could get the exercise and stretches done more. But I did the stuff I needed to do. I need to remember anything over the 38 is just extra credit.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Dalish said:

Hopefully the school situation gets resolved sooner rather than later.  With how important socialisation is in childhood, it seems beyond absurd to me.  I'd be going over the principal's head too.

 

Big wins come from small successes!  Good job! :)  

Agreed. This principle doesn't seem the sort to see reason (Though I'd be happy to be wrong). I suspect the lunch thing is symptomatic of deeper issues.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

This schoolthing legidly is absurd. 

Sounds to me like the principal is second guessing her own decision about punishing the whole year for something individuals did bc she was too lazy to figure it out. 

Calling the same thing by a different title is a good way out. 

Hopefully you all will be able to get through and your agent will get back her motivation soon. 

 

And horay boxes! 

Look at you finishing strong and having the awereness not not let your mood spill on others. 

 

Out of curiosity, by how much did you miss the points for your boxes? 

Taking care of your life takes priority and knowing you, I suspect you might be hard on yourself for missing by a hair? 

 

Keep going, you got this! 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/5/2019 at 9:14 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

There is no better way to sap motivation from your students who behave than by making them responsible for bearing the consequences of the poorly behaved students. Even worse, if this becomes a trend, the poorly behaved students realize they have power over everyone and can affect people by their own behavior.

 

I second this. I never played it like this in my classroom. As a student, there was only one class I accepted this from: JROTC because I can see how in the military one person's mistake could cost an entire platoon their lives. But in a regular classroom, especially of kids so young, no freaking way.

 

I'm sorry things are going rough @Bean Sidhe. You know I'm always here for you.

 

giphy.gif

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

So responses tomorrow. I am running WAY WAY Behind today. (whole day was like this).

Yesterday did okay. I got all of one class finished and got a 10/10 on the quiz. (I didn't do so well on the last 2 so I was starting to panic a bit). Better news is that someone actually called me back and was excited to hear from me when I called to talk to them about an internship. I am going to fill out some stuff online tomorrow (then its my internship point on a weekend), but maybe I will get somewhere with this.

Still no word from the principal at Youngest's school.  I think she is doing a "I responded once, I will not respond again."  If that is the case, we will see what the next PTO meeting holds and if that doesn't work, then to the district. I don't want to fight this fight right now. I am tired, I am worn down, and this is one more mess I don't need. But its for Youngest, so I am going to do it.

 

Challenge wise, I didn't do as great. I got hungry before bed and we don't keep snack food in the house (for this reason) so I ended up having some lasagna leftover from dinner the other night. Not the best choice, but oh well. I will say its nice to see really large chunks of green (which means I did something) in my spreadsheet.

 

I gave myself credit for a walk because I realized about 9, I was only about 2000 steps from goal, so I walked laps of the house to get to my goal. so that is 2 days I got all my points in the walking portion. However it got stupid cold again (high of 8 today) so no walking kids to school or anything to help get the steps up.

 

I ended yesterday with 45 pts for the day out of my 38, and all my boxes.  Friday through Sunday are my hardest challenge days since routine is different. Plus I am way behind on homework, so here is to hoping that I can still get all my boxes the next few days. Hoping to get replies up tomorrow on a study break (if I get a study break)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/7/2019 at 7:33 AM, Dalish said:

Hopefully the school situation gets resolved sooner rather than later.  With how important socialisation is in childhood, it seems beyond absurd to me.  I'd be going over the principal's head too.

 

I just want either Answers to my original questions OR her to admit the real motivation here. I doubt I get either, she is just stopped responding.

 

On 2/7/2019 at 7:33 AM, Dalish said:

Big wins come from small successes!  Good job! :)  

 

I am trying to focus on the little things. Maybe I will see some improvement.Right now, a nice "Hey look progress" would be welcome.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/7/2019 at 9:18 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Agreed. This principle doesn't seem the sort to see reason (Though I'd be happy to be wrong). I suspect the lunch thing is symptomatic of deeper issues.

 

I think its mostly the kids had a great principal before who KNEW their names (this lady still gets names wrong after midway through year 2). After talking to a few teachers who know me it sounds more like a "I made a decision too fast and didn't think it through, but I don't want to go back on it and admit it was bad."  And the kids pay for it.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/7/2019 at 11:35 AM, Casbin said:

This schoolthing legidly is absurd. 

Sounds to me like the principal is second guessing her own decision about punishing the whole year for something individuals did bc she was too lazy to figure it out. 

Calling the same thing by a different title is a good way out. 

Hopefully you all will be able to get through and your agent will get back her motivation soon. 

 

Thanks, I hope so too. All I can do right now is try to fight it, but part of me is getting demoralized too and I thought for the first time EVER that I just want to pull her out of that school now. Eldest Agent left that school and for 2 years all I wanted to do was put him back there. I have loved that school for so long for being so great, and its sad to see where it went.

 

On 2/7/2019 at 11:35 AM, Casbin said:

And horay boxes! 

Look at you finishing strong and having the awereness not not let your mood spill on others. 

 

Thanks. I know that me and a teacher and one mom and only 40 kids now (use to be 80) is not a good time to be in a funk. Plus, me  being almost in tears with that many kids won't go well. But we had fun and got peppers planted so that is a good thing.

 

On 2/7/2019 at 11:35 AM, Casbin said:

Out of curiosity, by how much did you miss the points for your boxes? 

Taking care of your life takes priority and knowing you, I suspect you might be hard on yourself for missing by a hair? 

 

I will say this question plus me trying to figure out where I am at in my boxes is causing me to find a flaw in my spread. I am having to count how many points I have in each section. So onto the list of doom is a way to figure that out. That being said, on Tuesday I had

Strength - 0 out of 4

Flexibility - 0 out of 6

Life and chaos -   10 out of 10 (got it)

Fight Chaos - Clean-   3 out of 4

Fight Chaos Purge-   2 out of 4

Walking -   2 out of 2 (got it)

Fuel  -  11  out of 8 (got it)

 

For 28 out of 38.

 

On 2/7/2019 at 11:35 AM, Casbin said:

Keep going, you got this! 

That is what I am trying to do. Thanks for the support.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...