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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe vs Chaos _ I WANT TO BELIEVE

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On 2/7/2019 at 9:18 PM, Wolfen said:

I second this. I never played it like this in my classroom. As a student, there was only one class I accepted this from: JROTC because I can see how in the military one person's mistake could cost an entire platoon their lives. But in a regular classroom, especially of kids so young, no freaking way.

 

Okay in JROTC, that would make sense, but an elementary school it just bothers me. But yeah, it has been one more thing to keep track of and try to fix. Which is a whole other set of issues.

 

On 2/7/2019 at 9:18 PM, Wolfen said:

I'm sorry things are going rough @Bean Sidhe. You know I'm always here for you.

 

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Thanks, this helps. I know you all are great at supporting. One of the reasons I love it here so much. Thanks for the support. I need to come over and see what you are up to.

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So I was going to do this later, but I am really trying to avoid going back to homework at this point. Brain fried is a real thing. Although I am MAKING myself get off and get more homework done before I can go visit people. I need still have too much homework to be playing on the internet

 

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Update for Friday.

 

Friday was a MESS at work. We had 2/3 the building without power, Heating guys in my area all day I had to work around and me getting handed work that ISN"T MINE to do. Ugh.

Homework wasn't really a thing, but I did get another possible hit on a lead for a internship. Please let me find something.

 

I did however get all my boxes. I am really rethinking how to do the boxes a bit so I can see where I am getting points and where I am not. (And suddenly my brain wants to play with my spreadsheet instead of homework. Focus brain). Anyway, I did have one "Is this progress" moment (well aside from the cats deciding about 9 pm when I play with them to go sit next to the toys and wait) where I was doing my knees to elbows thing and I did 40 of them. Generally about 20-30 I get tired and stop. Last night, I was ready to go.

 

I also need to go back to my One good thing. My depression is acting up (anxiety is still strangely under control) and it just feels like nothing is ever going to get better. SO time to focus on what is good.

 

One good thing: Staying home and not running errands after work. It was nice to just be home for the evening.

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57 minutes ago, BardicGarlic said:

Seems like a chaotic time, but you can handle this!!

 

Aside from the stroke with my Dad, this is almost my baseline normal anymore. This is why all my challenges have been against the chaos.

I am trying, but some days, its not as easy to keep fighting.

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So I admit I am not in the best headspace for this update, but I need to get it done so I can get my NF box checked.

 

Yesterday I got the spreadsheet fixed (so I have point totals for each category for the day).  I spent most of the day doing homework, but I did make a point to get up and walk around to keep my 250 steps an hour. But most of my day was sitting at my desk doing homework. I literally climbed into bed at 11:30, so let myself keep the point. I also ended up with a 2 hour nap on accident at my desk doing homework. Yes, I know I am burning the candle with a flamethrower, but not sure what else to do.
 

Strength - 4 out of 4

Flexibility - 6 out of 6

Life and chaos -   12 out of 10

Fight Chaos - Clean-   5 out of 4

Fight Chaos Purge-   4 out of 4

Walking -   2 out of 2

Fuel  -  10  out of 8

Total 42 out of 38

 

One good thing for the day: Hubby helping out and getting some of the jobs I put on the back burner taken care of.

 

Yesterday I felt a bit better about having things under control. today is not that day since I am tired of sitting and the pressure is a bit much right now. Here is to hoping for a better tomorrow or to finish off today with my boxes done.

 

(no good gif. All I keep finding is the X-files with the "If I quit now..." ) which is not where my head is

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HEYYYYYY.

 

HEY ERRBODYYYYY.

 

IT'S BEAN'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

giphy.gif   tenor.gif?itemid=3563290

 

Birthday-GIF-Image-Download-20.gif    Happy-Birthday-Gif-Ideas-with-Cat-Images 

 

 

 

Love you, Bean! <3 Here's to making this year the best one yet.

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5 hours ago, fleaball said:

HEYYYYYY.

 

HEY ERRBODYYYYY.

 

IT'S BEAN'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

 

 

 

Love you, Bean! <3 Here's to making this year the best one yet.

 

 

Thanks Flea. This put the biggest smile on my face. Thank you

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So quick update for Sunday.

I did homework most of the day. I still made a point to get up and walk to get my 7 hours with 250+ steps, but it was all homework and not much else. Also got into a funk after that when I did my practice exercises and was no where close. Guess who needs to study MORE... (which is when I posted yesterday and I was more than a bit defeated, especially since the lady is a week late posting our lecture and has been behind all semester.) On top of that, I got into a spin of trying to get all this done when we have company coming next weekend and an even busier week than normal.

 

I did get exercises and things, but no real "Hey I rocked this" Moments. Mostly just up at 5 to do Homework ,grocery store, homework, chores/goals, bed.

 

Strength - 4 out of 4

Flexibility - 6 out of 6

Life and chaos -   12 out of 10

Fight Chaos - Clean-   4 out of 4

Fight Chaos Purge-   4 out of 4

Walking -   2 out of 2

Fuel  -  12  out of 8

Total 44 out of 38

 

I am hoping if I keep working hard enough, I can do this. I need to do this. Giving up isn't really an option on school. But I so want to be done. I am a bit over the "Weekends are for sitting at my desk studying 14 + hours

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3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I am hoping if I keep working hard enough, I can do this. I need to do this. Giving up isn't really an option on school. But I so want to be done. I am a bit over the "Weekends are for sitting at my desk studying 14 + hours

You can do this! 

 

(Spoken by a man who spent 25 years in school... and now is still technically in one-- as a professor). 

 

You really can do this!!

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Oh wow,

 

first things first.

Happy Birthday Bean!

All the good things to you and yours, hopefully things will start to work smother in the forseeable future.

 

You got all your boxes, did a fuckton of your homework and put up with all the stuff.

Respect for all the willpower especially with working ahead for a (kinda) free weekend with visitors!

 

You ARE doing this and I am sure that you'll use the chance to grow even stronger through it.

 

Hope you can enjoy today and rest for a minute or so!

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The lunchroom and recess battle is over. Youngest Agent's friends mom got an email from that child's teacher that the kids would be returning to all classes at lunch together. Youngest Agent confirmed it when she got home.

I know this shouldn't feel like such a huge victory, but it really does. Youngest Agent is so happy and much more her normal self. Amazing what having and seeing good friends can do.

 

This may of been me when the friends mom texted. And yes, I really did dance through my labs for about 20 minutes

 

jensen-mj-dance-supernatural-21534880-48

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1 minute ago, Bean Sidhe said:

The lunchroom and recess battle is over. Youngest Agent's friends mom got an email from that child's teacher that the kids would be returning to all classes at lunch together. Youngest Agent confirmed it when she got home.

I know this shouldn't feel like such a huge victory, but it really does. Youngest Agent is so happy and much more her normal self. Amazing what having and seeing good friends can do.

 

This may of been me when the friends mom texted. And yes, I really did dance through my labs for about 20 minutes

 

jensen-mj-dance-supernatural-21534880-48

 

Fantastic!  One victory accomplished!  I'm so pleased for her and for you.  Getting that weight off of your mind is always great for the feelgoods

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8 hours ago, BardicGarlic said:

You can do this! 

 

(Spoken by a man who spent 25 years in school... and now is still technically in one-- as a professor). 

 

You really can do this!!

 

Thanks, I am back in school after a bit of a delay. I have been in long enough this time its no longer "yay school" but not long enough that I can count down to when I graduate.

Actually, I work in a Biology lab in the local Community college, so I never left the college mind frame of the semesters since I graduated high school. I don't want to add my high school years and my college years together. (actually, I can, its too scary and I suddenly feel old).

 

Right now, I am looking forward to not spending every free minute studying...

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6 hours ago, Casbin said:

Oh wow,

 

first things first.

Happy Birthday Bean!

All the good things to you and yours, hopefully things will start to work smother in the forseeable future.

 

Thank you, I keep hoping things will get easier.

 

 

6 hours ago, Casbin said:

You got all your boxes, did a fuckton of your homework and put up with all the stuff.

Respect for all the willpower especially with working ahead for a (kinda) free weekend with visitors!

 

See, I guess I don't see it as having gotten much done. It just is a "well, I sat in a chair."  But I am hoping I can spend time with people next weekend. We will have to see. I have 104 pages of reading to do plus a ton of other stuff. Blah. Time to buckle back down and get things done.

 

6 hours ago, Casbin said:

You ARE doing this and I am sure that you'll use the chance to grow even stronger through it.

 

Hope you can enjoy today and rest for a minute or so!

 

Actually, getting the lunch room victory is a bit of a lift. That is one less thing I have to struggle with and I didn't have to go above anyone's head.

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4 minutes ago, Dalish said:

 

Fantastic!  One victory accomplished!  I'm so pleased for her and for you.  Getting that weight off of your mind is always great for the feelgoods

 

Not going to lie, that felt good to get off my shoulders and even better to see Youngest Agent so happy. She even said she wants to go back to school now. At least I got to fix something.

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Yesterday went fairly well. There was the lunch room victory, and Youngest Agent was so much happier,  Also, Hubby brought home flowers for my birthday. He doesn't normally do that, so that was a very nice surprise.

Homework is way bigger this week, so guess who has to get her work done.

 

Challenge wise, I did really well. I woke up yesterday and did my morning exercises for the first time in months. It was nice to have 3 of the 4 exercise points before breakfast. one other thing I noticed is that I had to rush yesterday morning to get Youngest Agent to school and then Eldest Agent had to be at school 30 minutes early. So I took him with me to drop Youngest off. I then jogged across the parking lot. I tend to park as far from the door as I can, and Youngest Agent walked in and I just jogged to the car and I wasn't even out of breathe. It wasn't a fast jog, but more than I normally would of done. So maybe improvement.

 

Steps were not great, but the whole "Its stupid cold and icing " isn't helping.

 

Strength - 5 out of 4

Flexibility - 6 out of 6

Life and chaos -   12 out of 10

Fight Chaos - Clean-   7 out of 4

Fight Chaos Purge-   6 out of 4

Walking -   2 out of 2

Fuel  -  12  out of 8

Total 49 out of 38

 

One good thing - Lunch room victory and flowers for my birthday.

 

I am now running super late getting ready this am. Anyone want to go make my lunch for me?

 

 

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On 2/10/2019 at 7:38 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

Strength - 4 out of 4

Flexibility - 6 out of 6

Life and chaos -   12 out of 10

Fight Chaos - Clean-   5 out of 4

Fight Chaos Purge-   4 out of 4

Walking -   2 out of 2

Fuel  -  10  out of 8

Total 42 out of 38

 

Dude, you keep this up and your going to smash this challenge! 

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22 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I am now running super late getting ready this am. Anyone want to go make my lunch for me?

 

Hopefully you did not need to starve ;)

 

Great victory to get the college thing sorted, one less bottleneck!

You got this, hopefully things played out fine with the family on your b-day.

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10 hours ago, Butternut said:

 

Dude, you keep this up and your going to smash this challenge! 

 

I hope so, I am also afraid it was "ooh new challenge, get it done" Moments and that reality sets in here soon. I am trying to avoid it, but yeah.

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31 minutes ago, Casbin said:

 

Hopefully you did not need to starve ;)

 

I managed to get about half my lunch made, so I had something, but I did get really hungry yesterday afternoon since I got off work early. That was a mistake since I did end up eating way more than I probably needed to. But, nothing to do about it now.

 

 

31 minutes ago, Casbin said:

You got this, hopefully things played out fine with the family on your b-day.

 

Things on Monday went well at home considering it was an activity night so I barely saw Eldest Agent and Hubby since they had a thing. But I had a good day.

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So yesterday was hit and miss.

Work was a mess. the new guy seems to not read my emails and is doing whatever he wants and I have to do the clean up. I am getting really annoyed to be honest especially with his tone.

 

I got home a bit early, and tried doing homework. Which went okay until I remembed I was suppose to go to PTO last night to talk about the lunch thing.  Principal tried telling me "You kid never looks unhappy.." That is because Youngest won't show you her feelings since she doesn't show them to many people unless she trusts them. She danced a bit and started blaming the kitchen staff for not moving faster.

 

Oh and on the way to PTO Youngest agent said she saw a stray cat walk into the garage. No one else saw it crawl in, but we haven't seen it leave. Kinda worried there is one out there that will start making my cats territorial, but we will see. Hubby put out food and if the food is missing, we have a visitor. I am really hoping we scared it and it ran away.

Whatever, it looks like its better, which is good, but I am so fed up with her. Also the PTO meeting that is suppose to be an hour is was more like 2 so homework was shot after the meeting. Plus I was starting to feel my anxiety getting wound up since the chapter I am reading is full of algorithms which are all in greek AND vary by like one or 2 variables or operators. I emailed the teacher last night and am hoping to hear back from her soon. She did say we have a closed book midterm and final, so trying to keep those algorithms straight will be hard. And my anxiety was probably up from talking to the principal.

 

Challenge wise, I was really worried I wasn't going ot get everything done. After the attempt to study nad things, I got into a headspace and couldn't even figure out where to start. Hubby got me calmed down with a day of my farming game. I didn manage to do enough to finish (stretches and exercises) but it was on my way to bed.

Also, yesterday I was able to do some exercises in the AM which felt good, I didn't do that today.

 

I am still not hitting goal with steps, but I have been doing the 7 out of 13 pretty easily (yesterday was 10 hours with more than 250 steps

 

Strength - 4 out of 4

Flexibility - 6 out of 6

Life and chaos -   12 out of 10

Fight Chaos - Clean-   6 out of 4

Fight Chaos Purge-   4 out of 4

Walking -   2 out of 2

Fuel  -  12  out of 8

Total 46 out of 38

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