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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe vs Chaos _ I WANT TO BELIEVE

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All what Flea says plus real friends will understand the amount of stress you are under and forgive you for not calling
Hugs!!

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And in new ways Bean fails today. I just found an email from last Thursday with a question I needed to respond to by end of day Friday about an internship. I am going to try sending something now, but the number of ways I am beating myself up even harder.. (and this looked like a good lead too).

The email came in during the non-interview.


Cover letter never got done for grand boss thing. I just don't have time. And now I cant find the info about the other job with that company.

Its official.. I am failing hard. This has not fixed my mood from last night.

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Respond to that email now and tell them you're sorry for the delay but hope you can still be considered. You never know what will happen. 

 

I know you want to write your own application stuff, and that's totally okay. I freaked out on someone when I was complaining about them before and she offered to write the whole thing for me. That said, would it be helpful if you sent me your resume and the job description and I tried to write one for you as an example or just something you can tweak to your liking? I can get the hard part out of the way and you get final say over all of it. I won't be offended if you say no, just trying to think of options for you. 

 

Take some deep breaths. It was inevitable that things would explode at some point. You just have to get your bearings again to get back on track, one thing at a time. For what it's worth, I don't think you're failing. Blarg is being a dickhead. 

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Bean, you are not failing hard! You have millions of things on the plate and some fell out of it. It happens to everyone.
Reply now, probably they won't even notice it's delayed. I would even try not to mention the delay, probably they had no time to go through all (or any) of the applications, so yours will end up on the top as the last to arrive.
Let me know if you need help with anything, and cover letter doesn't need to be long, few sentences saying your studies, anything that could be relevant to the internship (exams, hobbies, ...), name dropping, your best qualities (e.g. Perseverant). if you write one sentence for every point above you have it. It does not need to be perfect, just done :)

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So the last 2 days I have hit the overwhelm and I can't do anything right stage. Not going to lie, its not fun. I just really feel like I have lost all control and I am letting people down, or not pulling my weight and I hate that.

Add to that, its easier to put things on hold, skip time with the Agents and Hubby when I at least have As to make up for it.

That hasn't been the case this last week or so. However, I am going to try and have a better day today. I am stressed out since I have this huge midterm that is 1/4 my grade this weekend in the class i just got basically a 50% on my quiz. This is also my first semester with 2 technical classes and I am not sure that is helping. And I know last week was chaotic even for me, but I am really starting to fall behind.

And I can't stop the biggest time sink which is looking for internships. I need to juggle things better. The one upside is after my midterm, I will be on spring break. And while I do have a homework assignment to do over break, it will be the only one I have to do. Maybe then I can get caught up a bit, maybe even ahead and finish the semester strong.

 

I will respond to everyone (Flea and Diadhuit) later today. Since my work spring break is next week as well, I am going to leave work early to come home and do homework. I figure coming here and playing catch up will be a good study break.

 

I am sorry for my meltdown the last 2 days. I hate being like this and I generally do handle it better. I know people hate it when I do this, so I need to stop. Thank you both for being here and I am sorry you had to read all of this.

I am going to stop there since this is a different rabbit hole.

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3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

I am sorry for my meltdown the last 2 days. I hate being like this and I generally do handle it better. I know people hate it when I do this, so I need to stop. Thank you both for being here and I am sorry you had to read all of this.

 

I cant respond to the whole post right now but I need to tell you this is your programming kicking in, and it’s crap. You don’t need to apologize for being human. You’re stressed out for a million different reasons and that’s okay. It’s also okay that you needed to vent and flail about it. That’s normal and it’s perfectly acceptable. No one here hates when you do this, because we’re your friends and we care about you. I know you’ve been told in the past that you’re not allowed to have feelings or express them, but that’s bullshit. You’re always allowed to tell us when you’re having a bad time. And we’ll be here to listen and help however we can. <3

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I am not sure if this will help you, but I always envy how much you can do, even if you tell yourself it's not enough or whatever, it's so impressive!!!
So I'm glad you show some of humanity, it makes me feel less a failure if I spend a sunday mostly in bed sleepy :)
We are here to celebrate your successes and remind you of them in your hard times. Count all the things you did today, you'll find out it's impressive!

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On 3/5/2019 at 8:55 AM, fleaball said:

I cant respond to the whole post right now but I need to tell you this is your programming kicking in, and it’s crap. You don’t need to apologize for being human. You’re stressed out for a million different reasons and that’s okay. It’s also okay that you needed to vent and flail about it. That’s normal and it’s perfectly acceptable. No one here hates when you do this, because we’re your friends and we care about you. I know you’ve been told in the past that you’re not allowed to have feelings or express them, but that’s bullshit. You’re always allowed to tell us when you’re having a bad time. And we’ll be here to listen and help however we can. <3

This 100%

 

Hopefully, things are going better for you today!

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Okay, so replies are going to wait a bit more. I am playing here since I have a phone interview in about 30 minutes for a different internship. I am not sure how I feel about this one, but I will take it. Oh and it is for the place where I didn't see the email.

 

I totally just checked and my last real update was the 28th.. Oops. I have been doing the challenge, I just forgot to put it up here.

 

Short version (for 8 days)

 

I had a snack after dinner twice  and stupid sugar once in that time (I ate the last chocolate cupcake for Youngest's birthday).

 

I failed the challenge twice in that time. One day, (Sunday) I was so so overwhelmed with homework, it just didn't happen, and once I was done, I collapsed. I ended the day with 24/38 pts and missed 6/7 boxes.   The other day was Weds, and I wish I had such a good excuse. I was doing good, and was about to finish up and then I just kinda stopped. I told myself to go do it, but I just didn't. I finished the day with 36/38 pts and missed 3/7 boxes. I was one pt away from one of the boxes. I am not going to lie. I really am mad about that one.

 

The rest of the time, I did pretty well, all boxes achieved with a pt total in the range of 41-51.

However, I have been swamped with homework. I am also suffering some serious burnout. I am looking forward to my spring break to take some downtime. I am just so tired of trying to work on internship, momming, work, homework, activities. I think the fact we got another 2 inches of snow last night didn't help. Oh and I have homework due after spring break. Funny thing is the logging of food has been easier and I am actually losing some weight. I kinda wonder what it would be like if I was walking more than about 1/2 my step goal at a time. Of course walking means being able to leave my desk to go anywhere.

 

I need to do better, and yes, I know this is programming kicking in, but I feel bad, I have kinda dropped off the house stuff and Hubby has been a huge help the last 2 weeks. Hopefully next week I can pick some back up. Oh, and I should look at the upcoming challenge.  Also going to try and get ahead on homework over break.

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On 3/9/2019 at 12:14 PM, fleaball said:

How did the phone interview go?

 

I thought I completely blew the phone interview. My cell phone (which we were talking on) disconnected after about 3 minutes, then they called back and my computer dinged at me (that never happens) and my cell phone got an email and started going off. Ugh.

That being said, the lady contacted me at 4 on Monday and said I can do the in person interview and asked for days and time. I gave her my availability so I am hoping to hear back. She did say I could walk out of the next interview with a job.

The sad thing is, I am not sure I really want this. I have a few more questions (Like I wouldn't get paid, but I might get a stipend), and I think they are of the belief I can make applications in Java and I woudn't say that. Plus one of their things was "Could we extend your internship into fall and maybe spring" which is a maybe, but I dunno. So we will see. I am really hesitant to turn it down, I mean I have only had 2 contact me for interviews (sort of) and I really liked the other place better, but I have another month before I find out if they will need me.

 

Oh, and sorry this took so long, I spent the whole weekend getting ready for my midterm. It didn't go well, I didn't even finish the short answer (essay) one in the 20 minutes we were given for 5 questions. Not going to lie, that and getting a 7.5 out of 10 on the other half is not making me feel real good here.

 

Today is now about unbury myself from the last few weeks, Get my stuff in line and hopefully get some downtime and sleep this week while I am on break.  And probably come to terms with the midterm stuff. But all I keep thinking is "I Have never NOT finished a test, I knew the answers, I just couldn't type fast enough"

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I am sorry the end of your challenge got so crazy. I do not miss midterm time or trying to find a co-op (not quite the same as an internship but close enough). Both are very stressful things. That being said I still think you did amazing this challenge. Have a good break week, catch up on that sleep and get some breathing room. Also thank you for keeping up with my challenge thread, the support was very nice! 

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11 hours ago, Rookie said:

I am sorry the end of your challenge got so crazy. I do not miss midterm time or trying to find a co-op (not quite the same as an internship but close enough). Both are very stressful things. That being said I still think you did amazing this challenge. Have a good break week, catch up on that sleep and get some breathing room. Also thank you for keeping up with my challenge thread, the support was very nice! 

 

Thanks Rookie, I feel so bad I fell behind on replies to everyone at the end there. I do appreciate everyone who popped in to encourage or help.

 

I am hoping to use the break week as a catch up/get ahead. we will see. Sleep is on the agenda for sure.

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Challenge wrap up.


So much was going on in this challenge. I had some really awesome days and some really  not. I got some big things in motion But I also stumbled on some littler things.

 

Overall, I only missed 6 days of getting all my boxes, so that is 27 days out of 33 where I got all my boxes. It averages out to about 42.25/64 pts a day, which isn't too bad.

 

My highest day was 57. So here is to hoping this has put me in a forward progress. I am not 100% sure it has, or maybe it is the fact the weather is finally warming up and there was sunshine today, but we will see.

 

Here is to hoping for more good days.

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End of Challenge list of  doom

 

Part B list or LIST OF DOOM depending on the day. Only till end of challenge

(Does not take into account regular activities for Agents. This list will probably grow during the challenge as I find/think of things that need done.)

o   Post new challenge

o   Write new challenge

o   Change signature link

o   Email about field trip

o   Email Great Aunt a thank you note

o   Fix Spreadsheet now that it bugs me

o   Line up food with Grandparents for Party

o   Ensure all Thank you notes are done correctly

o   Envelops for thank you notes

o   Mail Thank you notes

o   Post for new challenge

o   Find out if I can watch Youngest Agents friend on day off school

o   Food for teacher appreciation

o   Prizes for games for Vday party

o   Extra prizes for vday games

o   Chosen Family spring date post

o   Youngest School Valentines party

o   Valentines day Agents

o   Field trip for youngests School

o   Figure out Plates/decorations for youngest’s party

o   Start tomatoes

o   Call eye glasses place about Glasses

o   Youngest Blood draw

o   Go to eyeglasses place about clip ons

o   Presents for Youngest Party

o   Watch Youngest Friend on day off of school

o   Sign up popcorn at youngest school

o   Drop books we have outgrown off at school

o   Job fair at hotel near work

o   Reschedule glasses drop off

o   Drop off and pick up glasses

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Birthday food?

o   Birthday cake Youngest

o   Goodie Bags Youngest Party

o   Bookmarks Youngest Party

o   Youngest Agent’s BELATED birthday party

o   Present for Niece

o   Present for Nephews birthday

o   Job fair for internship (other college)

o   Meeting at school – Date changed to 2/26

o   Job fair at work for Internship

o   Get Cat food out of garage

o   Car to shop

o   Cut back elderberries and magnolia

o   Pick up car

o   Order slow feed bowls for cats

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Determine Youngest Agents outfit for wedding

o   Chosen family Spring Date decision (by 3/1)

o   Restart death peppers

o   Get seed starter for death pepper

o  

 

 

 

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Change rank patch on scout shirt

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Fix reusable bag

o   Last Christmas shopping

o   Drop ship orders for Christmas

o   Mail extended family presents

o   Drop ship orders for family

o   Get tie for Youngest Sweat pants

o   Get to work on finding an internship

o   Clean off halfwall

o   Start looking at care for Agents spring break

o   Start herbs

o   Check seeds starting list for other start dates

o   Popcorn for event at school 3/14

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Hem 1 thing for scouts

o   Determine if Eldest Agent is going to wedding

o   RSVP wedding

o   Start looking at next challenge

o   Clear Youngests Flower garden

o  

 

o  

 

 

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On 3/11/2019 at 7:31 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

 

I thought I completely blew the phone interview. My cell phone (which we were talking on) disconnected after about 3 minutes, then they called back and my computer dinged at me (that never happens) and my cell phone got an email and started going off. Ugh.

That being said, the lady contacted me at 4 on Monday and said I can do the in person interview and asked for days and time. I gave her my availability so I am hoping to hear back. She did say I could walk out of the next interview with a job.

The sad thing is, I am not sure I really want this. I have a few more questions (Like I wouldn't get paid, but I might get a stipend), and I think they are of the belief I can make applications in Java and I woudn't say that. Plus one of their things was "Could we extend your internship into fall and maybe spring" which is a maybe, but I dunno. So we will see. I am really hesitant to turn it down, I mean I have only had 2 contact me for interviews (sort of) and I really liked the other place better, but I have another month before I find out if they will need me.

I'm glad it went well!! Good job. And hey, if they offer you something just take it so you have it, and then if something better comes up you say "I'm really sorry but I can't do it anymore." Shit happens. 

 

Are you still working on the grandboss' lead? Do you need help with the cover letter?

 

On 3/11/2019 at 7:31 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

 

Oh, and sorry this took so long, I spent the whole weekend getting ready for my midterm. It didn't go well, I didn't even finish the short answer (essay) one in the 20 minutes we were given for 5 questions. Not going to lie, that and getting a 7.5 out of 10 on the other half is not making me feel real good here.

20 minutes for 5 questions?! That's basically nothing. It doesn't matter how fast you type, that's 4 minutes each to read the question, figure out what they want, and write your answer. Jesus. Maybe the prof will realize they fucked up and wind up curving. 

 

You don't need to apologize for prioritizing your schoolwork (or anything else) over some weirdo on the internet. <3

 

On 3/11/2019 at 7:31 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

Today is now about unbury myself from the last few weeks, Get my stuff in line and hopefully get some downtime and sleep this week while I am on break.  And probably come to terms with the midterm stuff. But all I keep thinking is "I Have never NOT finished a test, I knew the answers, I just couldn't type fast enough"

Get all the sleep! Your prof fucked up and I'm sure other people's grades will show it as well. Try not to dwell on it for now. Or at least punch Blarg in the face when he brings it up.

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9 hours ago, fleaball said:

I'm glad it went well!! Good job. And hey, if they offer you something just take it so you have it, and then if something better comes up you say "I'm really sorry but I can't do it anymore." Shit happens. 

 

This is kinda what I am leaning towards. I mean I have been working how hard on this, and I have only had 2 interviews. so better to have something than nothing.

 

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

Are you still working on the grandboss' lead? Do you need help with the cover letter?

 

I kinda am. I turned in the one application sans cover letter. I havent' gotten the other one done. I need to. Just been so swamped. Maybe that will be my one thing for today.

 

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

20 minutes for 5 questions?! That's basically nothing. It doesn't matter how fast you type, that's 4 minutes each to read the question, figure out what they want, and write your answer. Jesus. Maybe the prof will realize they fucked up and wind up curving. 

 

And they were technical questions. the lady was all "This is to prevent cheating" but when you give me a paragraph on what the database is suppose to contain, then I need to turn that into a database, it takes more than 4 minutes. The final will be proctored now. I am hoping she grades the midterm soon. while I am better about knowing it wasn't just me, I want to see how bad things went.

 

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

You don't need to apologize for prioritizing your schoolwork (or anything else) over some weirdo on the internet. <3

 

I know, and I wanted to be here, but homework sucks. And I am trying to work a bit ahead but I am also having a hard time convincing myself to work on it.

 

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

Get all the sleep! Your prof fucked up and I'm sure other people's grades will show it as well. Try not to dwell on it for now. Or at least punch Blarg in the face when he brings it up.

 

Thanks, She admits she messed it up, but she just said "extra credit later" which doesn't help.

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