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Casbin

Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

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Alright, so I did sit down to question myself and see if I might be doing this for the wrong intention.

And I strongly belief that I am not.
I'm talking a lot of mindset but that's not what keeps bringing me back here.

I talk about it because, even if not always evident, it is connected with the habits I work on.
Change doesn't happen in the area we want it to, it happens were we need it.
So, if I work on my nutrition my mood might change, if I work on my mindset I suddenly gain weight.
This is why I am digging down into those things and I am not coming here so I can talk about it.

This is good enough for me and I will keep things as they come to me.

Regards
Casbin

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On 2/13/2019 at 3:05 PM, Casbin said:

Ok, this is probably going to be a rather long one.

 

If you are planning to read, I hope you are comfy, have some music.

 

 

 

Thank you, I love every bit of that blanket too, just everything there is involved and I'm happy for the compliment :angel:

Isn't it weird how good those spontanious moments feel, even if it's just a 5 Minute talk?

As of today, I've been sailing hard on the wind, the fun bit with leaning outside to hold things tight, as yesterday acted as a reagent I never expected.

 

 

 

And most of all, thank you for the encouragement to both of you!

But, besides so many other things today, I am freaking proud of me because that scolding to my overachieving side was big news.

 

You see I've had a lot of things on my mind that I really wanted to share and all of them share kind of a Theme that can be boiled down to a single world.

EMPOWERMENT - it's one of my favorite words because of the sheer width of possibilities that come along with it.

 

I tend to talk a lot about how things happen or how they feel.

That's because I strongly believe in the concept of "detect, understand, change" and more often then not my stumbles lead me back to the realisation that I didn't understand HOW things influenced me.

 

That little bit of anger yesterday, or possibly it came across as whining, was BIG news but I wasn't sure about it, yet.

Today I can confidently say, right there at that point I realised that I was leaning back towards "the dark side" and just went - nope.

See, I tend to get overwhelmed, like a lot, which then leads to ignoring my own needs and subsequently towards isolation to recuperate.

 

But not this time!

It's not that I was mad at the energy it took to do my Challenge things but that I fully considered to have fail without a little bit of extra effort.

And hurried the whole prep thing to a point were I'd have finished everything by today just so that I didn't need to admit to myself that I was worried sick about that stupid form thing because it was widely out of my sphere of influence (yes I said was).

 

So in the first part I realised that I was going overboard and admitted that it was a necessity and I hope I find a release afterwards.

And then suddenly, the realisation that IT WAS NOT NECESSARY to push myself beyond my limits while sick. DA FU##

But it might have been the other side playing tricks on me, just that today I can confidently say it wasn't! :)

 

I did turn of my alarm last night to give my body the sleep it demands.

And damn, I feel so much better!

Before I knew it I had already started to sort clothes and packed the access in my suitcase just out of habit.

I've moved a whole lot slower from one thing to another, as in no rush.

But looking back, I did all my Challenge goals but the fruits just because I wanted to.

And had the time to socialise, look around on the way and other such things.

It's just one word that changed, from "I have to..." to "I'd like to..." but it made a world of a difference.

 

So, while I did take a few breaks when my body wanted a rest, yes physically not mentally, I feel way better, fitter even calmer.

I had a walk,  picked up a good healthy breakfast I had nearly forgotten about, did some packing, played with my knitting project and checked in with myself occasionally.

 

And throughout the day most of my urgent worries made popping sounds and imploded.

A letter from my accident partners car insurance that they wired the money (I was still waiting for the bill to ask for a refund there).

I took another calm look at the things that still need to be prepared and confirmed that I can finish everything in 2 days even if fever strikes again.

Made up my mind that it's ok to take my car rather then the train on monday, the extra bucks aren't as bad as I had thought bc I would have had to drive back on 2 weekends anyway.

And it is going to give me a whole lot more freedom to do things on the weekends.

 

And (this is my favorite) the law offices apprentice called me back in the pm.

Whenever I see her, she is really indecisive. Fullout - ask her boss if she can copy this letter - indecisive.

But guess what, this exact person considered what this situation would mean to me and went over her bosses head.

Or I should say she left a note stating what I asked about and to call me back by tonight, which she knew would be ignored.

She picked up the phone and calles my insurances office and as she couldn't get a hold on that woman either asked in their institutes name to be called back.

Which happened today and suddenly she realised that the forms really had been forgotten and send them out!

 

Seriously this kind of behaviour happened a few times in different situations just in this week and I am SUPER grateful for it.

And even more so because in this particular case it was pretty much an existential thing.

Bet on it, for those people, I made very sure to give them the feedback. Bc for the last 5 years, I've scarcly seen it.

Let me tell you, even though I was the one in favor but I could HEAR them smile through the phone and it was damn satifying to know that I gave someone else a slightly better tune for their day.

 

I keep talking about all the things around the challenge but not the actual habits themselves...

On the other hand it is related as in drive and change those small things do to enrich routines and gradually my lifestyle too.

It might be time to have a good look at what I want to talk about in here.

 

See you tomorrow

(I'm a bit too lazy to choose a pic)

 

 

Nice man!!

 

empowerment, that is a good word.

 

Ive been enjoying the word “grit” and “perseverance”

 

Empowerment is nice in the fact that we can not only empower ourselves but other people by just being kind to them.

 

you sound like your a really kind person. There’s not a lot of those peeps around. I’m glad that your favorite word is Empowerment.^_^

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20 hours ago, Butternut said:

 

Nice man!!

 

empowerment, that is a good word.

 

Ive been enjoying the word “grit” and “perseverance”

 

Empowerment is nice in the fact that we can not only empower ourselves but other people by just being kind to them.

 

you sound like your a really kind person. There’s not a lot of those peeps around. I’m glad that your favorite word is Empowerment.^_^

 

:redface: Thank you, it feels good to hear that in a positive context every once in a while.

I want to believe that I am like that, kind, considerate, compassionate. They are values dear to me and I am learning to apply them towards myself too.

 

Besides, I am happy that you noticed the "empowering ourselfs" angle there, this is soooo useful and helped a lot over the last two days.

 

Grit and perseverance in the way you described over on your challenge are a great source of motivation.

It sounds so good out of your perspective. As in tools to push you forward, out of your current comfort zone, like a driving force.

Maybe I should pay a bit more attention when the next chance presents itself, I've always used those without thinking or stopping to consider but it's never too late.

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I have no clue what I want to say right now...

 

There will probably be some changes in the timing of my posts or my scheduling throughout the day.

Because, I completely forgot the thing I wanted to point out.

 

Kinda something Butternut put into motion with her post above and another thing related to the empowering ourselfs.

It's on the tip of my tongue but barely denying me to come back...

 

Anyway...

 

I did all my stuff on the last two days.

 

Yesterday with a 4 miles roundtrip through town and a good fit of exhaustion that nearly did me in.

Ohhhhh, now I see.

Right, I kinda tricked myself yesterday to get my last challenge goals done!

(Damn, there apparently is no translation for this phrase) I will take a bit of a detour to keep you in the loop.

 

We all know this little "voice" in the back of our head that keeps tempting us, right?

You know this little part of us that sneakily introduces thought like " Aw, it's good that one bit of chocolate won't hurt my eating habits", "I'm so tired, let's do the workout tomorrow morning"

This kind of stuff is what we call "innerer Schweinehund" or "Günther" bc there is a great audiobook on audible I am currently listening to which is just about him.

 

Now the idea of the author is to give a name to that voice (you guessed, like he called his Günther) for you to be able to start communicating with it.

Not that I'd run around having loud conversations with myself, I'd probably get neatly locked away in that case but the idea is interesting.

Because once you do that and use his or her own interest for your own good it will become another driving force rather then friction :)

 

That's how I motivated myself to walk an extra mile to pick up grapes as a treat for a job well done (and needed anyway).

And more importantly how I managed to get out of my comfy chair once exhaustion set in after all that walking to finish my life goal.

He was veeery tempting and convincing there and even though I reminded myself that we commited to this and would have to tell you all about it, I gave in.

Here is the fun bit about it, I GAVE IN and that same lazy bum in me stood up and had me down the stairs before it registered with me conciously (bc I had been planning to go up to my appartment).

 

Now this sounds  seriously crazy, me talking to myself and all but please bear in mind it is an imagination, not some unvoluntary psychosis...

But TLDR it sounds dumb but is working for me (and a bit of childish fun tbh).

 

Today went quite contrary to that.

I finished all the stuff in one go and were home and done with everything before noon.

And I took a break in accordance bc I'm good to go, in a crisis call I could be on the road within two hours.

But somehow by the time the sun set I had absolutely no drive to sit and give a report.

It felt like those two days were weeks ago, maybe even in another life (subjective time can be awkward, this is probably a thing of input afterwards).

This is fresh and kinda uncomfortable, not just because I'm not used to having so much downtime, but because it might get in my way of keeping up the challenge.

As in starting to slack on writing my posts here and there and suddenly - Ups, the Challenge ended six weeks ago? How did that happen?

 

Not a danger yet but I believe in being prepared.

There are a few possibilities how to proceed but I'd like to try spreading out my goals throughout the day first.

No clue if that is even an option comes monday.

I'll wait and see how this will play out to be.

 

Still in a very upbeat mood today though more "Jazzvibe" rather then yesterdays "Rockabilly" good mood.

I'm looking forward to going on ahead, there are two more rather relaxed days and next week things will finally be put in motion.

This is going to be one fine adventure and I am determined to make the best of it for myself.

 

I'll be back tomorrow (hopefully with more focus)

Casbin

 

PS: I realised that there have been way more mistakes in my posts then I'd like. Hopefully I just need to get back into the habit, I'd rather not have to take the extra time and check if I typed the word I'd been thinking or just something which sounds similar.

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It's been one weird day.

Kinda in between on and with everything around.

 

But Challenge goals all checked.

 

Walk                           done

Veggies & fruits       done

packing                     done

Selfcare                    done

 

I do wonder if I've made things too easy for myself but the real Challenge starts here.

 

The dreaded 3rd week is coming up as I've started on 0 Week.

And a completely new environment and schedule comes monday.

 

I am excited, about what's to come but also slightly worried for myself and about some of the people I'll be leaving behind.

But this needs to happen and it will.

 

One more day ahead, then the adventure starts.

I hope you are well and your challenge goes strongly!

Casbin

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6 hours ago, Casbin said:

 

I am excited, about what's to come but also slightly worried for myself and about some of the people I'll be leaving behind.

But this needs to happen and it will.

 

One more day ahead, then the adventure starts.

I hope you are well and your challenge goes strongly!

Casbin

 

I wish you the best with the adventure ahead!

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Thanks, all went well. 

 

But updating will have to wait a bit longer. Bc sleep, you know? 

Tomorrow should be reasonably doable. 

 

Though, on hindsight all updates checked. 

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Good luck on Week 3. I know you can do it.

 

And it doesn't sound crazy to talk to yourself like that. I have done it before. I also named the "trolls" in my head, the voices that tell me where my faults and problems are. Grog tells me no one likes me and Blarg tells me I am never going to be good enough. Sometimes its easier to yell at Blarg and go "STOP IT TROLL" as opposed to telling me to lighten up on myself.

In retrospect, after reading your post, I think Blarg is on a rampage again. It would explain my current mood and a few more things.

I hope your doing better today and got some sleep last night

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On 2/18/2019 at 3:28 PM, Casbin said:

Thanks, all went well. 

 

But updating will have to wait a bit longer. Bc sleep, you know? 

Tomorrow should be reasonably doable. 

 

Though, on hindsight all updates checked. 

 

How’s your week going  Caspin?

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Caspin...

I was thinking about you today. I was thinking about how long haven’t been in the forum and I wondered if you haven’t been on either, we seem to stay on the same pattern with our challenges.

 

anyways, i hope all is well! 

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