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ladyofthebog

LadyoftheBog is Faceless (Wo)man While Also Channeling Inara Serra

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“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
Pema Chödrön
Okay, wrote a whole post and it somehow disappeared. This is what I'll leave y'all with until I get a free moment!
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12 hours ago, ladyofthebog said:

i think i really rebel against the philosophy of the  self-improvement movement (probably could put it better than this) that relies upon the self as something that fundamentally needs to change. I'd much live a life that is about self awareness and self discovery than self improvement? I blather on about this a lot in all my challenges, I suppose.

 

If you something bothers you, change it but if you can't, accept it. I can train myself to not procrastinate as much or not to be so harsh on myself, but I should accept that I'm loud and opinionated and particular about my schedule, and that I ask a lot of questions. I can learn to say no and state my emotions more clearly, but I need to accept that I feel them too.

At least that's how I view it. 

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No insult with that image of the koala. Be grateful its not dropbear season. If that was a baby dropbear, that guy would have no leg left.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk

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On 3/5/2019 at 5:49 PM, Thom Stépan said:

No insult with that image of the koala. Be grateful its not dropbear season. If that was a baby dropbear, that guy would have no leg left.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk
 

googled dropbear and laughed out loud. EEIIIIIIII!!

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Week 4: Change, Change, Change

  So, yet another doozy of a week but, hey, that's life. My husband, has been pretty stressed out at work and is making the decision to leave academia for industry. He's been kind of straddling both worlds doing consulting work for tech companies over the past two years. In some ways, it feels empowering. I see us with our little pirate ship leaving the harbor, and on the other side, it's scary.

giphy.gif

Will he find work? Will we move (yes, probably). Where??? Will he enjoy it? UGH, CHANGE, the constant and greatest teacher but also terrifying.

 

I feel like I'm really living lately or, at least, confronting and challenging. I'm reading a great self-help book, Journey to the Dark Goddess. It's a Jungian interpretation of the dark goddess naratives (think Kore, Innnana Persephone, Psyche) and underworld mythos to understand personal confrontation with loss, yearning, and identity. @Thom Stépan I think you might like this particularly.

Some excerpts:

"To descend into the Underworld we have to give away one by one, all the things that hold us back from change... This means we have to trip off- or more painfully, be stripped of- all our guises, props and patterns that are so much a part of our lives we have almost come to think of them as ourselves."

 

"The Dark Goddess can also be understood as being a split off part of yourself; often the powerful, dangerous part. This aspect functions as an initiator into progressive layers of your depths or, more simply put, your soul. She is the hidden, ruthless part that brings transformation, whether we will or no; the one who propels us through the hardest things. Hers is the voice in the darkest hour and her unflinching honesty and strength can help us to keep going when things are tough. Her actions- however painfully perceived at the time- culminate not in your death but your life.'

 

"This personality has attracted- like a shell around the soul- all sorts of manifestations, likes dislikes, habits and relationships and jobs until we begin to think that is who we are."

 

"the deepest shadow is cast by the strongest light is not just a metaphor, it is literal truth. In darkness, in contrast, we look for birth, transformation, and new beginnings."

 

ANYWAY, life is full right now and scary and kind of thrilling. I keep on having a line from Romeo and Juliet (I was addicted to Shakespeare in HS and how whenever something happens I have ole' Bill ringing in my ears): "But he that hath the steerage of my course, Direct my sail. On, lusty gentleman." The rest of the passage is super dark and about fate (SOMETHING WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT! My views of fate have developed so much over the past years!!) which is kind of foreboding when I think about it but, there you have it.

 

So, fitness related: tracking food in myfitnesspal because, sigh, CONTROL and finding that I'm actually naturally hitting my macros though a little low on protein? Interesting! Been working out. About to go work out. Skipped yesterday because family stuff (my mom's best friend has the opening of his final show yesterday... heartbreaking and beautiful).

 

Thank you all for following along! Less waxing philosophical and more workout stuff in the future, pinky swear.

xxoo

Sophie

 

 

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On 3/5/2019 at 8:17 AM, Echoceanic said:

 

If you something bothers you, change it but if you can't, accept it. I can train myself to not procrastinate as much or not to be so harsh on myself, but I should accept that I'm loud and opinionated and particular about my schedule, and that I ask a lot of questions. I can learn to say no and state my emotions more clearly, but I need to accept that I feel them too.

At least that's how I view it. 

yeah, big difference between practices and identity? or really i think it's all about how one approaches stuff. like, i working out because i love this body vessel and want to celebrate it rather than working out because i want it to be something other than it is? i've been super fit and looked super fit in a conventionally accepted kind of way and still hated my body. now i'm cultivating something else and using self acceptance as my fertilizer (fuck, is it spring yet?!!!)

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20 hours ago, ladyofthebog said:

yeah, big difference between practices and identity? or really i think it's all about how one approaches stuff

 

The reason for the change is a lot more important I think. You can support yourself or bring yourself down.

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end of challenge: in which i devolve into a collection of random emotions/thoughts

 

this challenge has been full of emotions. i've been kind of a leaky sack of them. me looking off emotionally to demonstrate sack of emotions:

giphy.gif

* worked out today in the nighttime hours. glad i did it. always struggle with it.

* i cut out dairy at the beginning of this challenge and feel a bit less bloated but still struggling w/ what i suspect is some gut issues. i realize leaky gut is all the rage these days among health nuts but, having learned about it years ago in nursing school, i honestly do think it might be something i am experiencing? going to do more research on it and maybe incorporate my findings into the next challenge.

 

i'm home alone tonight. feeling like a bit poured out, if you will. going to hop into the bath and maybe read a book. i have a few going right now but nothing is really capturing me. i'm thinking about finally starting in search of lost time but don't know if i am in the proper emotional space for proust. i think i could handle it better when the sun comes out.

 husband has a job interview already for tech company in north carolina. i'd love to live in north carolina if it were closer to the west coast.

so anywho, as sack of emotions that i am, tonight, i'm going to sit with change. sit with discomfort.

 

thank you all for following along! i'm going to try to post more on battle log in the coming weeks.

sophie

 

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shiz, serious dearth of music in this challenge. so, here y'all are. discovered this band this week. quality kind of sucks but if you have spotify, they are on there and much better sound! diamond in the rough is kind of my philosophy of people in song:

love this one:

 

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Jung is a fascinating character. His influence on modern Paganism and Heathenry in particular, can not be understated.

I am more familiar with North European Gods and Goddesses. Many of them are quite dark relatively speaking. Hel the Goddess of death and the Underworld, Skadi the Goddess of the mountains, snow and vengeance. Freya Goddess of war, magic, death, beauty and sexuality.

Trips to the underworld are always fraught with danger. Only the bravest souls can make it and return. They are changed by their journey, and often gain skills that exceed the norm.

It is interesting to consider descending into the darkness as a means of removing the outer ego and thus bringing out our true inner light. Yet how often do we come across stories of people who after their lives have fallen apart rebuild and create an even better brighter life?

It is only in darkness that light can shine brightest.



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On 3/9/2019 at 12:39 AM, ladyofthebog said:

I'd love to live in north carolina if it were closer to the west coast.

If only we could rearrange the map to fit us. I'm so undecided on where I want to (eventually) retire.  Olympia, WA has many good reasons for me but I left my other place near Tacoma, WA to get away from the rain and get more sun. Also, I don't do as well with the cold as I used to.

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