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thelostspaces

TheLostSpaces tries again, again, again.

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So I was on the fence about doing this because I haven't been finishing them, but my boyfriend broke things off today and I think forcing myself into some kind of structure may be important over the next few weeks. 

 

1. Gym 3-4x per week

my whole issue has been that when I stayed at his house, the gym was too far away. So... tada!

2. Meal prep again

and now I wont buy groceries and then not be home for days. Boom!

3. Ride for fun

He hates riding so we were just hanging out inside, mostly. So I need to get back at it!

4. No initiating contact 

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Sorry about your break -up, though it sounds like there are upsides. Glad you decided to have another challenge. You may not have finished them, but you did work on some of your goals, and so there is more improvement than if you hadn't set the goals

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Well, it was weak but gym 1/3 today. I squatted 210x1 but didnt trust the rack to go any higher. 

 

Haven't even bought groceries. Weather has been the literal worst for riding. 

 

Only communication was to get my stuff back Sunday and a weak "this fucking sucks" after he left (we did not talk). I have decided that I need to gather my thoughts and ask him to have a conversation, maybe by this weekend. 

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week 1:

 

gym: 2/3 kind of. The second day was definitely almost nothing.

 

meal prep: nope but grocery shopping is on my to-do list today

 

bikes: no, the weather was super dumb

 

no contact: I texted him Friday asking if we could talk. He responded Saturday saying it was a bad idea so I called him (hah). We talked for 3 hours. It was productive but still left a lot hanging for me. He is coming tonight to drop off the rest of my stuff, I want to say my final piece (partially an apology) and then leave all future communication up to him.

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week 2:

 

gym: I think I went on Sunday, but I dont remenber. However, I've come to the conclusion that it just isnt a priority for me and wont be renewing my membership next month.

>> updated goal: obtain annual pass for the indoor bike park down the street

 

meal prep: done. I did order takeout yesterday and stopped at gas stations once or twice though. 

 

bikes: no, the weather was super dumb. Was going to today, and it started raining... at 40 degrees that just isnt for me. Hopefully the indoor bike park membership helps this. 

 

no contact: he brought my stuff over Sunday night. I affirmatively told him that I thought we could be good if we worked on communication,  and that's what I want. I also said he could still call me if he finds himself overwhelmed. I got a bunch of "ok" responses which have left me pretty anxious, but I haven't reached out since. 

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Your thread makes me want to say "Oh, honey!" and give you a big hug. I'm so sorry you are going thought this. Do you have some good friends who can help you process? If you do, take advantage. If your friends want to help, let them. If you don't it's not a reflection on you (or even a judgement on your friends). Some people have a lot of empathy and are good at supporting others through emotional crises. Other people have a hard time providing emotional support, even though they are great in other ways.

 

It does sound like you might want to talk to someone about this and that your ex isn't super excited about being that person right now. Do you have any options for short-term therapy? Lots of schools and employers provide it, and it's confidential. It can be really helpful in working through a crisis like this.

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14 hours ago, Xena said:

Your thread makes me want to say "Oh, honey!" and give you a big hug. I'm so sorry you are going thought this. Do you have some good friends who can help you process? If you do, take advantage. If your friends want to help, let them. If you don't it's not a reflection on you (or even a judgement on your friends). Some people have a lot of empathy and are good at supporting others through emotional crises. Other people have a hard time providing emotional support, even though they are great in other ways.

 

It does sound like you might want to talk to someone about this and that your ex isn't super excited about being that person right now. Do you have any options for short-term therapy? Lots of schools and employers provide it, and it's confidential. It can be really helpful in working through a crisis like this.

 

I have quite a few friends who have been talking to me a bunch. My ex actually sat and talked for 3 hours last Saturday, but of course that was processing different things. 

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indeed, you sound like you are in a tough, tough spot.

I guess my only thought is to point out that it might Not be too healthy to try to "make up" with an ex.

 

I know Nothingabout any of the issues involved.

 

but not all people are in a pychologically healthy places when issues divide a relationship.  sometimes the better road is to brace up yourself and move on.  you mention friends and you always have friends on here- so if you need support, you have it!

 

regarding the gym; its always very, very hard to get a more strenious exercising, eating well, kind of lifestyle.  the fight of a life time.  and the sole focus of the rebellion.

sometimes the gym isn't a part of that.  but do take real thought of how to get there! its so worth the effort.

 

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2 hours ago, TGP said:

indeed, you sound like you are in a tough, tough spot.

I guess my only thought is to point out that it might Not be too healthy to try to "make up" with an ex.

 

I know Nothingabout any of the issues involved.

 

but not all people are in a pychologically healthy places when issues divide a relationship.  sometimes the better road is to brace up yourself and move on.  you mention friends and you always have friends on here- so if you need support, you have it!

 

regarding the gym; its always very, very hard to get a more strenious exercising, eating well, kind of lifestyle.  the fight of a life time.  and the sole focus of the rebellion.

sometimes the gym isn't a part of that.  but do take real thought of how to get there! its so worth the effort.

 

 

I should give some background on my decision to quit the gym, hah! I dont take the decision lightly...

 

Last year I lost my job (and consequently, my apartment). I became a dog walker. It blew up and now I walk all day. A quick look at my Garmin connect says that my average daily steps over the last week have come just shy of 19k. 

 

I also enjoy mountain biking and hiking a lot, and frequently go on trips (although may be less frequent now, but I still do those things around home).

 

Between walking so much for work, leaving town, crashing in the woods, etc I just haven't been able to get to the gym consistently OR make any kind of progress. And the whole reason I was going was to increase my power lifts. 

 

So I've basically decided that at the end of the day / week, I want to do a hobby that I love AND can make progress in. Mountain biking has various ways to progress, and doesnt take 3-4 days a week to do so. In attempting to keep up with EVERYTHING I ultimately am falling short in everything.

 

Ohhh and breakups are tough and this sucks, but my year started out with as many huge stressful life changing things as you can count. I should be fine! But definitely in part because people have been listening to me process things. 

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4 hours ago, thelostspaces said:

my year started out with as many huge stressful life changing things as you can count. I should be fine!

 

Yes!  You go girl!

[I don't want to make an assumption about gender...it's sometimes hard to tell on the forums. In case I'm wrong, please take this in the intended spirit]

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yeah, much as the ranger brain HATES it, you can't do everything...

and ESPACIALLY

 

you can't Improve on everything!  instead you gotta buckle down figure out priorities and be determined to make just something Definitely better.

 

if it's Mountain biking, Go & Get your groove ON!

....

sometimes I think Mountain biking would be really, really cool for me.  I may graduate to it, when the hiking bug has run its course.

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ6Qt2SYGM69ZlP6ZnYSnr

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9 hours ago, TGP said:

yeah, much as the ranger brain HATES it, you can't do everything...

and ESPACIALLY

 

you can't Improve on everything!  instead you gotta buckle down figure out priorities and be determined to make just something Definitely better.

 

if it's Mountain biking, Go & Get your groove ON!

....

sometimes I think Mountain biking would be really, really cool for me.  I may graduate to it, when the hiking bug has run its course.

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ6Qt2SYGM69ZlP6ZnYSnr

 

It's super fun with a steep learning curve, for sure! I dont do it enough. 

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10 hours ago, Xena said:

Have you gotten some chances for riding lately?

 

I haven't. I'm contemplating joining an indoor bike park at this point. I even went away to ride, but the weather was 36 and misty (was supposed to be 45 and clear) and the main road ended up being a crazy fast highway. I did hike a bunch...

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late week 3:

 

meal prep: chicken is thawing. Need to run to the store tonight for veggies. 

 

bikes: nope. I hiked for fun (see comment above)

 

Indoor bike park pass: I had every intent to go last night but bailed. There is a class there on Thursday BUT I think the trails may actually be frozen so I want to try to ride outside instead. 

 

no contact: this is the only one I was successful in, although there were a few indirect things I would probably call slip ups (social media related). Have not spoken though.

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14 hours ago, thelostspaces said:

I even went away to ride, but the weather was 36 and misty (was supposed to be 45 and clear) and the main road ended up being a crazy fast highway. I did hike a bunch...

 

This sounds like legit effort! Sometimes Mother Nature wins.

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Week 4 / final:

 

meal prep: i didnt prep this week because I ended up surprise dogsitting and by the time the chicken thawed I didnt have time to cook it (uh, excuse)

challenge: i meal prepped one time in 4 weeks. That's pretty dismal. 

 

bikes: I commuted Thursday. I had planned on doing this anyway but ended up having a flat on my car. 

 

Indoor bike park pass: I'm nixing this very expensive idea because I like to ride outside. But a friend of mine convinced me not to let my last year of transition be a gauge for how the gym will go, and to give one more year a try. Have to renew in the next few days. 

 

no contact: didnt reach out. Definitely checking up on his stuff too regularly. 

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Good job finishing out the challenge!

 

The meal prepping....not the end of the world. You can always do better next time if this is important to you.

The bike park/gym...sounds like you made a reasonable decision and have a path forward.

No contact...be gentle with yourself. It's hard.

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