Infinity Wakes

[Infinity.Creates]

I'm incredibly busy this term, but I'm actually in a pretty good place. I'm not too worried about time management or the food I'm eating or getting a ton of exercise in. They've all sort of slot in place, and it feels like being fully responsible for myself has eased the responsibility - in some backwards fashion. I have to buy all my own food, so I'm less likely to buy something that will tempt me. I'm not going to worry about writing, or drawing, or running, or korean, or music - not right now. These are distant desires - and if I work on the beginning of my day (when I know I'm most productive) the rest should begin to slot into place.

 

But this time round - I'm going to be focusing on the foundation of the day - my morning routine. My goals are to :

#1 Wake by 8am

#2 Journal

#3 Read my Bible

#4 Memorise the Bible verse

 

I will do this every morning (I can drop one a week just for flexibility).

If I succeed, I can buy the perfume I want. If I get less than half, I will drop £5 from my weekly budget. If I get something in the middle, I will go to Whistable with a friend and buy them an ice cream.

[LittleTurtle]

This is great!  And I love your grading system!  Good luck to you!   

[Infinity.Creates]

I've realised that I can always get up at 9 - but that's normally because my to-do list starts there. If I wake up later, I feel a buzzing anxiety that not enough is going to get done. However, at 8am, there's nothing propelling me out of bed. When I was in school, I used to wake at 6.30 - but it was really easy cause I just had to roll into the shower, and by the time that was done I was awake enough to not fall back asleep. However, just the fact that I have to journal isn't enough - my brain doesn't want to be that active when all it wants is warmth and sleep. I wonder how I can hack that ...

[Infinity.Creates]

On 2/11/2019 at 6:11 PM, LittleTurtle said:

This is great!  And I love your grading system!  Good luck to you!   

Thank you!

[Odango]

Love it and here for it!! (Learning Korean is on my list as well)

 

1 hour ago, Infinity.Creates said:

I've realised that I can always get up at 9 - but that's normally because my to-do list starts there. If I wake up later, I feel a buzzing anxiety that not enough is going to get done. However, at 8am, there's nothing propelling me out of bed. When I was in school, I used to wake at 6.30 - but it was really easy cause I just had to roll into the shower, and by the time that was done I was awake enough to not fall back asleep. However, just the fact that I have to journal isn't enough - my brain doesn't want to be that active when all it wants is warmth and sleep. I wonder how I can hack that ...

 

I totally relate to this!

I'd also rather wake up at 8:00 or 8:30, but being up with the sunrise ads a little extra purpose to waking up early (though it means being up earlier)

Personally, the first thing I do is wash my face (aka. abundantly splashing my face with cold water), it definitely helps with waking up   after that, meditation is also great at clearing my mind in a gentle(r) way.

 

I love your spiritual practice goal! It inspires me to try and add something to my morning as well! It seems it would fit especially well after meditating

[Infinity.Creates]

9 hours ago, Nol said:

Love it and here for it!! (Learning Korean is on my list as well)

 

I totally relate to this!

I'd also rather wake up at 8:00 or 8:30, but being up with the sunrise ads a little extra purpose to waking up early (though it means being up earlier)

Personally, the first thing I do is wash my face (aka. abundantly splashing my face with cold water), it definitely helps with waking up   after that, meditation is also great at clearing my mind in a gentle(r) way.

 

The Korean is so that when I go back to visit family, I'll be able to communicate fluently. Currently, my grammar is all over the place and I cannot write it. But those are lessons for future me.

 

Tbh, when I've tried that, the cold water just makes me want to get back into my warm bed, and meditation always makes me fall asleep if I'm sleepy  I might try showering every morning or other hacks, but I think the thing I need to fix is why I'm so tired. aka not going to bed early enough. I need about 8 1/2 hrs of sleep, and if I'm going to bed at 12/1 in the morning, I'm not going to hit that and I'm going to be groggy. The aim is to wake up anyway, and then hopefully get tired enough in the evening to fall asleep at the right time. My brain doesn't seem to have caught on just yet ....

[Odango]

That's awesome!

Having family that speaks another language is a pretty solid motivation to learn the language! And, at least, the Korean alphabet is pretty simple and straight-forward

Anyways, you said it's not for right now, so I'll stop with this topic.

 

I think everyone who tries to wake up earlier struggles with this having to go to bed early, but not being tired quite early enough, so end up not getting enough sleep pattern. (I def do.)

We'll get there!

[Infinity.Creates]

On 2/13/2019 at 10:11 AM, Odango said:

That's awesome!

Having family that speaks another language is a pretty solid motivation to learn the language! And, at least, the Korean alphabet is pretty simple and straight-forward

Anyways, you said it's not for right now, so I'll stop with this topic.

1

Nah, it's always cool to talk about future goals, and I never mind talking about being Korean.

The thing is I only visit once every two years - so whilst my Korean naturally improves when I'm there, it tends to fade over that time. I can also read it fine - but I've always struggled with writing in any foreign language. 

I am still doing some sort of practise (aka watching a korean drama every now and then) but it's just frustrating to have a scattered grasp of a language I feel I should know better 

 

On 2/13/2019 at 10:11 AM, Odango said:

I think everyone who tries to wake up earlier struggles with this having to go to bed early, but not being tired quite early enough, so end up not getting enough sleep pattern. (I def do.)

We'll get there!

 

It'll happen!

[Odango]

I can imagine that writing in Hangul is considerably harder than reading it. It's great that you have the will to learn the language more, I hope I'll be around here when you're able to get into it more! It'll be great

And watching K-dramas is always good! I know my extremely basic knowledge of Korean is entirely thanks to them xD

(btw, any recommendations of good dramas at the moment?)

 

 

 

[Infinity.Creates]

20 hours ago, Odango said:

I can imagine that writing in Hangul is considerably harder than reading it. It's great that you have the will to learn the language more, I hope I'll be around here when you're able to get into it more! It'll be great

And watching K-dramas is always good! I know my extremely basic knowledge of Korean is entirely thanks to them xD

(btw, any recommendations of good dramas at the moment?)

 

 

Umm, I have a list I've been told to watch? 

I quite liked Fight for My Way for a fun thing and Mr Sunshine for a drama . I need to watch Chicago Typewriter and Signal. But first, all of Marvel Netflix .....

 

 

[Odango]

On 2/16/2019 at 3:02 PM, Infinity.Creates said:

 

Umm, I have a list I've been told to watch? 

I quite liked Fight for My Way for a fun thing and Mr Sunshine for a drama . I need to watch Chicago Typewriter and Signal. But first, all of Marvel Netflix .....

 

 

 

Haha!!

 

Thx for the recommendations

[Infinity.Creates]

19 hours ago, Odango said:

 

Haha!!

 

 

I've watched DDS1 and JJS1, and I'm halfway through DDS2. I';ve got to watch LC, IF, the Defenders, Punisher, JJS2, Luke Cage S2, IfS2 and then DDS3. 

SO MUCH!!

[Infinity.Creates]

Okay, so last week started strong, then fizzled halfway through cause my morning schedule got disrupted with weird mornings.

This morning and yesterday I stayed in bed for three hours - which is really rare and is a sign I'm not really in a good mental place. The morning routine is supposed to help this - but they seem to be directly competing with each other, and whichever one wins is dictated by my energy. I know that this is where discipline is supposed to come in - but that would be so much easier if this were already an established habit. 

Having daily to-dos is saving the rest of my day, whilst also stressing me out with everything that needs to get done before the end of Feb. 

School varsity is calming down and coming to an end, but that just means union elections are happening, and the stuff i have to do for that is so much more and also sort of unknown. And then there are job applications and I have essays due and I know I can handle it all I should be able to handle it all, but I just want to sleep.

A surprising thing from the antsy static that fills my body all the time is this urge to go for walks. I don't want to do anything, but if I get up, I don't want to work cause that involves sitting and staying still and working, so I've been walking more. It helps, a bit, I think, but it is also a method of procrastination. 

[Odango]

Hey girl! Firstly, I want to say that you're doing really well! Uni is hard, on so many levels.

 

 

On 2/18/2019 at 11:48 AM, Infinity.Creates said:

The morning routine is supposed to help this - but they seem to be directly competing with each other, and whichever one wins is dictated by my energy. I know that this is where discipline is supposed to come in - but that would be so much easier if this were already an established habit.

 

You seem like a high achieving, high functioning lady, so remember to take it easy on yourself, please

It's totally normal for your energy levels to come first. Discipline is just this joker we get to pull out once in a while, how much energy you have (mental and physical) is 99% of the game.

Can I ask how old you are? (Simply because the younger we are, the harder we tend to be on ourselves, hehe! Also, I'm feeling a bit like an older sister right now xD)

 

On 2/18/2019 at 11:48 AM, Infinity.Creates said:

A surprising thing from the antsy static that fills my body all the time is this urge to go for walks. I don't want to do anything, but if I get up, I don't want to work cause that involves sitting and staying still and working, so I've been walking more. It helps, a bit, I think, but it is also a method of procrastination. 

 

Man I've been there!

I agree with the procrastination, it sounds like part of you doesn't want to do all those things you're "supposed to be doing"... (no judgement, we all do it! haha!)

 

Another cue to be extra kind and gentle with yourself?

I'm not suggesting you throw everything out the window and go on holiday. More like taking a mental break if you can, breathe in and be present and loving within yourself for a minute.

 

Sorry for all the unsolicited advice, I couldn't resist  Take care!

[Infinity.Creates]

On 2/20/2019 at 9:44 PM, Odango said:

Hey girl! Firstly, I want to say that you're doing really well! Uni is hard, on so many levels.

 

You seem like a high achieving, high functioning lady, so remember to take it easy on yourself, please

It's totally normal for your energy levels to come first. Discipline is just this joker we get to pull out once in a while, how much energy you have (mental and physical) is 99% of the game.

Can I ask how old you are? (Simply because the younger we are, the harder we tend to be on ourselves, hehe! Also, I'm feeling a bit like an older sister right now xD)

 

 

Man I've been there!

I agree with the procrastination, it sounds like part of you doesn't want to do all those things you're "supposed to be doing"... (no judgement, we all do it! haha!)

 

Another cue to be extra kind and gentle with yourself?

I'm not suggesting you throw everything out the window and go on holiday. More like taking a mental break if you can, breathe in and be present and loving within yourself for a minute.

 

Sorry for all the unsolicited advice, I couldn't resist  Take care!

1

 

I'm 20! 

And I'm fully aware that I am doing ... a lot. So many people don't go to any societies, never mind be on committee for one and attend another four. Whilst also juggling a degree. 

And possibly constant mild to moderate depression with mild executive dsyfunction

And I just got a job interview, so that'll be even more time, but more on that in another post ...

 

Honestly, having things to do make me do more things, but I also know that I'm the kind of person who would just work until they can't anymore. (I have a /slight/ past record of exhausting myself to illness - it was cause i don't like sleeping so i slept for four/five hours a night on average for four months....) 

 

But I do what I can, don't push the morning routine too early so I can sleep till eight, eat healthy cooked meals, walk 3k a day on average. I can do this morning routine as well, I just need to not lie in bed staring at the ceiling, or not spend an hour messing around on my phone before walking out the door. It's all currently manageable, and it's not a lot to add.

 

But you're right. Some kindness to myself would be good 

[Infinity.Creates]

Fun possible developments in my life -

I just sent off an app for two weeks work experience in radio with the BBC over the summer!!!!!!!! 

I know that my chances are so incredibly slim, but it's still a hope and it would be such an incredible opportunity.

 

I just got a job interview for part time web design with my university's union. This will be 15-20 hours a week for £10 an hour (decent pay for entry level) working on web design. Which such a cool thing that I only got into due to my work with the student media, and is super exciting. (moneyyyyyy)

 

The Head of Photography for the newspaper has dropped due to work pressures, leaving an opening. I don't want to fill it as is, but want to incorporate it into my own role as Head of Design to become Head of Design and Visualisation. That will involve taking up additional roles and responsibilities, managing a new department, and doing photography for a variety of events. However, it will also allow me to have more control and creativity over the visual aspects of every department and ensure cohesion and attention to detail.

 

However, those last two will be vast increases in time pressure, which is a lot. I could only do one, and I think that if I chose either I would probably still have to lessen the current burdens I have (eg dropping one or more of my current societies). I'm probs gonna go with the job if I get it, because that'll look better on my CV and will mean that I don't need to depend on my parents at all for any money from then on. But we shall see ......

 

(I also want to join another D&D game  and start writing regularly and ....... )

[Odango]

Hey girl!

How have you been?

There's so much exciting stuff happening for you this year! It's fantastic, and so much, haha! Well done on getting that job interview, hope it pans out

 

[Infinity.Creates]

So the job interview fell through because I had a sit down with myself and a very frank talk. I am struggling to keep on top, as is. Adding an extra 15-20 hours work into the mix is going to lead straight to burn out me. She already exists on the horizons, but thankfully I've arrived at a break period to put a pause and just clean up my room and my brain. Everything has been hurtling, so I'm taking a break tomorrow, and trying to get some cleaning and reorganising things done tonight. I still have to-dos, and whatever, but it's nice to not have any massively urgent deadlines. 

 

As for my habits - it's been a wild swing. This week I've been going to bed at 2 but waking up at 8. The week before I was going to bed at 10 and waking up at 10. My body doesn't seem to know what it currently wants, but 8am is not too difficult for me to wake up to on an average day. I basically need something to get me out of bed - whether that be the shower or an event. We'll see whether I can get out to go for a walk next round.

The Bible reading, memorising, and journal habits have completely fell through. This accompanies the chaos of the waking up. I get up because there's something I want to do - but then I'm not doing my habits. I'm going to experiment with doing them in the evenings next, and see if that won't also help me get to sleep at an average time.

 

I might be going to the beach tomorrow to do some photography with a friend, and then a little media internal awards ceremony. Today is for cleaning my room, maybe doing laundry, and just dusting everything off. Sunday is church, then the cycle of meetings and deadlines begins again on Monday. 

[Odango]

Wow! So great that you were able to slow things down, take a moment to think things through and prioritise your well-being, well done!

I hope you have a lovely, restful week-end!

 

 

[Infinity.Creates]

Where is that gif from??!!!! It is the most perfect thing!!!!!!! 

(Though it kinda looks like shes just bitten into an orange with the skin still on lol)

 

 

And thank you! \o/ I'm kinda sad at the loss of prospective money but it is for the best

[Odango]

That gif is from a google search that I don't remember exactly, something like "relaxing gif"...

(I saw it as a peach without the pit, hehe)

 

You made the right choice! You might be an overachiever, but you still gotta take care of yourself!

 

[Infinity.Creates]

Sleep. What a stupidly elusive and frustrating thing. What a blessing and a curse. I've never been good friends with it, but I need to be working alongside it, because otherwise it will hit me back. 

I've been in bed around 1.30pm for the past few days, which means that I am getting up around 9/10am, because I need the rest. However, this means any of the habits I am trying to accomplish also get sidelined. I don't do them in the evening, because I start my evening routine when I'm so tired that I will do the bare minimum before falling into bed. I don't do them in the morning because I only get up when I can start to feel time pressures, and then I'm in too much of a rush to sit down and breathe. And the late nights feed the late mornings which feeds the late nights. 

I wonder if setting an alarm and doing the habits in the evening will both make me do the habit, and also kickstart the evening routine so I go to bed earlier? I'll try it this week.

 

In more exciting news, its pancake day! Gonna have a feast with my friends, then I'm going to give up using a knife and fork and only use chopsticks (its a point I've been trying to make :P). I'm also wanting to drop something from my diet, but its not that bad. Maybe buying snacks of any kind?

[Infinity.Creates]

The challenge is ending, and it has been a rollercoaster in my life, if not in my challenges. They sort of fizzled by the second week, and with it came a host of different challenges. 

But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up, merely adapt and try again. I'll list those in a new challenge thread, but I wanted to end on a bit more introspection.

 

Purpose has always been something that has seemed rather .. elusive? It's common to be praised if you've had a strong dream since your childhood, because then you have the most time to work towards it. When you're really good at one thing, then it's easy to pursue, and easy to get praise. It's easy to focus your energies in one place. I've been amazingly blessed with the gift of learning, and with a freedom to do whatever I want. But as Sylvia Plath said in her poem The Fig Tree, too much choice is easily paralysing. I've begin finding a purpose in media and design here, but it still feels like I haven't scratched the itch. I've also been noticing, when I get up every morning (though this past week has been really bad due to depression and sleeping 10-14 hours a night), that if I don't have anything to get me out of bed, like a specific appointment, it's so easy to not even try.

 

I mean, for me, God is the one who makes the path and I just have to take the steps, relying on Their strength, but without knowing what the end goal is, it is so easy to stop walking for a little while. I don't actively know where I want to be in ten years, and though I trust in God to get me where I need to be, it is tiring. I think it's also tiring in that it means I want to take advantage of every opportunity, and struggle to say no to new things. My attention ends up divided in so many places, and I'm trying so hard in each of them, and I easily overwork myself. I don't know how to stop myself from doing that, or even if I need to. And instead just need to learn some moderation?