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Morag

Morag relearns all the basics and starts mostly from scratch - 5th Element

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I am barely here.

I am so stressed it's not even funny.

But I have to sort my shit out. Finances are frikkin important. And EVERYTHING else has been falling off to the side of the road too.

 

My list of shit that's REALLY IMPORTANT and FRIKKIN' URGENT keeps growing. If I knock even one thing as much as partially off of my plate, it spawns at least two more. And I am just spread too thin. Way too thin. And gaining weight and yeah...

Nutrition I barely keep together, I am not training myself, only teaching classes to people who are really old, I barely sleep, and I hardly keep up with all the many official bureaucratic places to sort EVERYTHING out. Plus two boys, one husband, bills and konmari-ing the apartment.

 

It's hubby's birthday this week, finally vacation time next week. It's so very overdue!

 

I think I will keep my challenge super simple this time around, as a kindness to myself:

1. Get to bed before 11pm.

2. Eat 1 fruit or veggie.

3. Drink water (mark one bottle in the morning, try to finish that bottle).

4. Be kind to yourself. Breaks. Rest.

5. Get shit done as fast as you can deal. Break it down and sort it out. Try getting it off your plate, permanently if you can.

 

I know I need to do some kind of "post here x times" thing too, but I don't know. I struggle with it. Maybe for now: make a tracking thing in my journal and sit with it around noon.

 

I miss you guys. I really need to sort my shit out. Just isn't funny any more.

 

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Wednesday.

 

I got so much done, you wouldn't believe it. I still need to get a few more things (mostly paperwork) sorted, and that's a hassle, but I am confident it will work out.

I have been surprised and delighted to find there are actually kind and helpful people in german bureaucracy, I met 2 (3?) in person and one on the phone just this week and last week alone. And it was wonderful to have people not be offended that I didn't know squat-all about a number of things, and they helped me out in their respective fields and were very kind and calm/patient/non-excited (Is that a thing? It should be a thing!).

 

Very nice.

 

Food: I ate a delicious casserole (containing cherry-tomatoes) a few meals this week, had left-over filled paprika for a few others, ate some grapes, a kiwi or two and a number of clementines.

 

Water: I marked one bottle so far all week... :-/

 

I also am invoking plague protocols lvl 1: stave off REALLY getting sick with loads and loads of tea, onion-honey, and REST.

 

Next week hubby and I are off work. Vacation Time. And away for gaming Thursday-Sunday, with the kids at my mum's house Wed-Sun. I hope everyone's health will hold up, so it can actually happen.

 

Life after that will be widely interesting: I have a 40h orientation internship to do (half-days monday through wednesday, then thu-fri off and full days sat-sun-mon-tue). Followed theoretically by school and classes and learning, and practical stuff, more interning, and finally a big exam and then I am qualified to work properly, in theory.

I have no idea how to get to those classes yet (by train, but is the transit included in the tuition-scholarship?). It collides MASSIVELY with the times I have been giving classes until now, I have no idea how to handle that, what to expect, how to get out of my classes without pissing anyone off about it all... I haven't even gotten the leaflet or sign-up thing yet.

 

Massive no-idea.

 

But it will work out somehow. Because I want it to, that's why.

 

For now that is enough. Talk more soon.

 

Sent from my phone via Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

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Sending you hugs!!!   I hear you about being too busy, but still needing to take care of me/you!  Sending you healthy vibes, peace and serenity too!  

 

 

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Sending you hugs!!!   I hear you about being too busy, but still needing to take care of me/you!  Sending you healthy vibes, peace and serenity too!  
 
 
Oh, dear Terra, THANK YOU!

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Your challenge is ideal for you, so dont stress about it.

Keep being kind to yourself. Make sure you look after yourself, enjoy your holiday.

Hugs from your Aussie friend.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk

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Your challenge is ideal for you, so dont stress about it.

Keep being kind to yourself. Make sure you look after yourself, enjoy your holiday.

Hugs from your Aussie friend.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk


Thank you, Thom, your words, both here and in the guildhall, mean so much to me.



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I am hanging in there. Life is messy.

I am going back and forth between utterly stunned elation and mindnumbing exhaustion. I am getting my life in order, at least it looks like it. I am getting state scholarship for the classes to become a non-nurse caregiver in elderly care. I got a spot as an intern. I still haven't gotten the mail with the paperwork to get into the school so I will call and try having them reserve a spot for me on Monday while we wait for snail mail to come along.

Small Kid has scarlet fever, medicated, and bored, feeling okay so far. My own respiratory infection is fine so far, lot's of rest, doing some knitting, rewatching the100 season 1.

I have paperwork to finish, for 2 official things, and I am aiming to get that done before enjoying my week off.

Home life is a mess, but I am doing the best I can, staying honest and communication. Keeping myself present and trying to keep aware of what I can and what I cannot control and it's hard. But I am still here. And I plan to keep it that way.

I have failed bedtime only one night this week.
I am still struggling with hydration.
I'm doing ok with fruit and veggies, it is a low-threashold goal, but I am good with that.
I haven't been moving enough, but anywhere I go to I take my bike, it cuts down on my overall step count, but it feels good, so I am taking it in stride.

With shit being so messed up, I do not have the luxury of signing a one-year contract with the gym. I haven't even tried them out. I don't even know if we will celebrate christmas 2019 in this apartment, with this family intact. I can't sign a 240€ one year contract. I know life is messy and you have to go and get what you want to have. Life will provide. I learned that with my internship and my scholarship, but I am paralized. I just can't. yet. Maybe I should get it done anyway. Start lifting heavy, get my act together, train myself, trust that home life will follow, fall in line like my scholarship. Maybe. I don't know. I am sorting through finances and bureaucracy, caring for the sick as best I can, including myself. In parts exchanging traditional snacks for veggies. And practicing being kind to myself. Taking breaks.

Priorities. Sometimes they SUCK. Don't they just?

I am glad I have you folks here. Yes, I know you can't physically help, but people I know and care about caring about if I am okay, that MATTERS. And yes, my kids care, but they depend on me, it's not the same as someone, who doesn't need to, caring. And yes, I have my mother and a few friends here, those care too, I know.@Casbin, don't fret.

Sometimes I just feel alone anyway, you know? even though I am massively blessed with wonderful people right here and out in the world, it doesn't make sense, sorry.


TL'DR Lots of whining about homelife being unstable. Got scholarahip for school and internship sorted, eating veggies and fruit, need more water, and need to finish official paperwork. Next week is vacation. So yay. Everyone sick-ish but care well in hand.


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6 hours ago, Morag said:

.@Casbin, don't fret

I don't, you won't make me buckle that easily...

 

6 hours ago, Morag said:

ometimes I just feel alone anyway, you know?

Jup, those times suck big. But breath, keep going, you will get out of those times, too.

 

No clue what else to say, you are doing a good job keeping yourself together.

And you are rocking the organisational part as well.

 

I'll be here as much as I can.

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I can relate to the feeling alone even with great people supporting you.

You are doing well. In the SuperDads support group I am a part of, we talk about fixing ourselves first, then fix the relationship. Sometimes our partners are sick of who we are, sometimes they are afraid to grow, sometimes they are just as lost and broken as we feel we are. If we work on making ourselves the best version of us we can be, it allows our partners to grow as well.

So yes, work at fixing yourself, go lift heavy if that is your goal. Rock that course and the internship. Be present at home and become your best self.

We will support you along the way. You are amazing. We believe in you.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk

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On 2/12/2019 at 6:23 AM, Morag said:

I think I will keep my challenge super simple this time around, as a kindness to myself:

1. Get to bed before 11pm.

2. Eat 1 fruit or veggie.

3. Drink water (mark one bottle in the morning, try to finish that bottle).

4. Be kind to yourself. Breaks. Rest.

5. Get shit done as fast as you can deal. Break it down and sort it out. Try getting it off your plate, permanently if you can.

 

This is not a "super simple challenge" This is a full blown challenge, especially when life is slapping you in the face!

 

On 2/12/2019 at 6:23 AM, Morag said:

If I knock even one thing as much as partially off of my plate, it spawns at least two more.

 

Believe me, it only seems this way, just keep knocking them out of the park, and sooner than later you will reap the benefits!

 

On 2/16/2019 at 11:34 AM, Morag said:
  • Got scholarahip for school and internship sorted
  • eating veggies and fruit

need more water and need to finish official paperwork

 

See what a little formatting can do! You kicked ass and left a little over to work on, seems solid to me!

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Hang in there my friend!  The guys had some great advice.  Take care of you and then take care of the other stuff/people.  Life isn't always sunshine and roses but you are strong and I know you will find a way through this cloudy bog that you are in today.  

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Hang in there my friend!  The guys had some great advice.  Take care of you and then take care of the other stuff/people.  Life isn't always sunshine and roses but you are strong and I know you will find a way through this cloudy bog that you are in today.  
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I put that pick on my phone as home screen and lock screen.

Thank you, Dear!

We are away. Pretty awesome place, people who love board games, card games and other games, rpgs, books, movies, stories of all kinds. Gamemaster, players, fans of various fandoms... ♡

Food is veggie heavy but not paleo or anything extreme. It tastes GREAT (so far).

We played until 1:30am Thu night. I slept like a dead woman, woke up with time to spare to shower and head to breakfast. I've played with various people, various games, fun was had.
Kids got to school fine (first time getting up and ready for school unsupervised, first time to do the City-Bus-from-my-Mum's-House-to-School-and-back-thing). They did the thing well, big boys!

Good stuff so far.

More soon.

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3 hours ago, Morag said:

I put that pick on my phone as home screen and lock screen.

Thank you, Dear!

You are welcome!  It was the loveliest picture of the light at the end of the tunnel that I could find.  :friendly_wink:

 

Enjoy your fun time playing games!!!  

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