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Waanie

Waanie slowly builds up the mileage

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Welcome to my challenge :). After a long hiatus, I started a challenge here a few weeks ago to see what’s a good baseline to start building up from. I walked at least 25km per week, did yoga 4 times per week and tried to do something about my restless legs every evening through stretching and/or foam-rolling. Due to mental problems, I don’t have a lot of energy nowadays, although I do have plenty of time. I would like to get more fit again, both strength-wise and cardio-wise. Therefore, my goals for the next 4 weeks are the following:

  1. Walk or run 35km per week in total (which nets 5km/day)
    Outside time is good for my mental state, and while 35km per week is a bit of a challenge, it should be doable. A lot of this will be spent catching Pokemon ;). I would like to walk a new walking-route at least once a week as well, as there are so many routes nearby that make exploring the area easier.
    image.jpeg.8b451568027968ff08b858f4ad7592df.jpeg

  2. Do yoga 3 times per week
    This can be any style, and I will follow youtube videos for this. Anything more than 10 minutes is good. My entire lower body feels better when I do regular yoga, especially when I move around a lot.
    Image result for yoga cat

  3. Run away from zombies and do strength-training at least once a week each
    Just to get into the habit again, do a minimum amount of running and strength-training. The strength-training does not have to be anything organised, as long as I do at least 3 sets of a push-, pull-, legs- and core-exercise. In good weeks, I would like to train more than this, but I’d like my goals to be doable in bad weeks as well.
    image.jpeg.7517571c4ddd03d4f34e5577cb6cdb66.jpeg

  4. Play a set of scales on the clarinet at least 3 times per week
    I would like to improve my clarinet-skills, and I realise that my scales are lacking, both in precision and speed. They are a bit boring to play them over and over, but I do need them so often in orchestra-pieces that I must really spend more time on them. A set is a major-scale with its parallel minor scale-variations (natural, harmonic and melodic), and their triads.

 

Let’s go and beat those goals!

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Welcome back! 

 

I really like your challenge and how you've made it possible even on not so good days. I can't totally tell, are you using Zombies! Run too?

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31 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

Welcome back! 

 

I really like your challenge and how you've made it possible even on not so good days. I can't totally tell, are you using Zombies! Run too?

Thanks! And yes, I'm using Zombies! Run :). It builds up very slowly, so it is not a problem if I'm a bit lax and start with running once a week in the beginning. 

 

10 minutes ago, WolfDreamer said:

Welcome back @Waanie! Your goals look great (and fun)! Let me know if I can help in any way.

Thanks!

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Week 0, Monday

In the morning I got the groceries for the rest of the workweek, and DIY'ed a rail in the living room to hang up paintings. Drilling holes near the ceiling always turns up harder than I expected, so after the last one I was glad that we chose a system that makes drilling unnecessary if we want to change the paintings/posters on that wall. Needless to say, I did not do a lot of (other) exercise that day. A short walk and biking back and forth to orchestra practice was all I did in the afternoon and evening.

Walking/running: 3.9km (3.9/35)

Yoga: No (0/4)

Strength-training/running: No (0/1, 0/1)

Scales: No (0/4)

 

Week 0, Tuesday

The morning was filled with errands, but in the afternoon I did go outside for a long walk and later a short run. I also did some yin yoga to even it out. I liked this routine, it was a good stretch for my hips and back.

Walking/running: 11km (14.9/35)

Yoga: Yes (1/4)

Strength-training/running: Running w2d1 of Zombies! Run. (0/1, 1/1)

Scales: Yes, F major/D minor and Bb major/G minor (1/4)

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I like the way you post your updates, short and sweet, and accountable. I may steal this. :)

 

 

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2 minutes ago, J3NN said:

I like the way you post your updates, short and sweet, and accountable. I may steal this. :)

Thanks, it's good to hear that this is a good balance :). Steal away anything you like, as this is not entirely my own idea anyway ;). One of the things I like most about this forum is that there are so many people working on improving themselves and providing nice ideas, it really helps with figuring out a good way to set my goals and keep myself on track.

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Week 0, Wednesday

Relative low-energy day, which is probably caused by being the first day of my period. Choosing what yoga to do was hard, so I followed along the latest video of Yoga with Adriene. After a chocolate-chip cookie lunch, I managed to go for a walk, play clarinet and do strength-training, which is a win :). It is humbling to see that I really lost a lot of strength over the past years, and have to start from almost nothing. Furthermore, although I can still do a pull-up, it is so uneven that I need to start from leg-assisted pull-ups again to get my form in order :(.

 

Workout:

Spoiler

 

3x4 BW squats

3x4 Leg-assisted pull ups

3x4 Pike push ups

3x4 Hanging knee raises

3x4 Knee push-ups (elbows in)

3x4 Inverted rows, legs bent

30s Plank

 

 

Walking/running: 5km (19.9/35)

Yoga: Yes (2/4)

Strength-training/running: Strength-training (see above) (1/1, 1/1)

Scales: Yes, A major/F# minor (2/4)

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On 3/16/2019 at 8:18 PM, annyshay said:

Looking good, Wannie!

Thanks!

 

This past week was very busy, mostly with an orchestra practice that took all day on Saturday. It was fun and we really progressed a lot in making better music, but a whole day is a lot! I was exhausted and overly sensitive to sound on Sunday, so all I could do was read terrible fantasy books (you know, those with handsome vampires/werewolves). Looking at the past and coming weeks, I think that my goals for this challenge are too challenging, and are causing me some stress because they're too much. I therefore decided to cut the yoga and music-practice both to 3 times per week, and see if that is more manageable.

 

Week 0 report:

Walking/running: 3.9/11/5/9.9/0/2.9/3.2km -> 35.9km/35km

Yoga: 0/1/1/1/0/0/0 -> 3/3

Strength-training: 0/0/1/0/1/0/0 -> 2/1

Running: 0/1/0/0/0/0/0 -> 1/1

Scales: 0/1/1/1/0/0/0 -> 3/3

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2 hours ago, Waanie said:

I think that my goals for this challenge are too challenging, and are causing me some stress because they're too much.

 

Good on you for recognizing this. It can be tough in health and fitness because the culture promotes so much "GO GO GO!" I applaud anyone who can recognize when she is overwhelmed and how to manage it.

 

You're off to a good start.

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21 minutes ago, WolfDreamer said:

 

Good on you for recognizing this. It can be tough in health and fitness because the culture promotes so much "GO GO GO!" I applaud anyone who can recognize when she is overwhelmed and how to manage it.

 

You're off to a good start.

Thanks! For me it is a delicate balance between doing nothing, and doing too much. Like so many, I have a tendency to overestimate my energy and will-power. While I could probably muscle through, it is good to realise that life will happen and acknowledging my limits is much healthier in the long run.

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Week 1, Monday

Walking/running: 6.1km (6.1km/35km)

Yoga: Yes! Rainbow yoga from Adriene, which was light and fun :) (1/3)

Strength-training: Nope (0/1)

Running: Nope (0/1)

Scales: Nope (0/3)

 

I was still very tired from orchestra practice on Saturday, so I'm glad I managed to get my walk and yoga in. It does feel good that I lowered my goals a bit, it looks like this week will not be a good one :(. I feel like that the people whom I asked to mediate at a conflict at work are turning against me one by one, which is really bad for my self-image. My boyfriend and counsellor assure me that I'm not the problem, but it is still very frustrating and damaging.

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On 3/19/2019 at 12:27 PM, annyshay said:

Sorry about the work drama. That sounds stressful.

Thanks. Needless to say, I'm not having a good week. I'm okay with not meeting my goals this week, although I will still try to achieve them. 

 

On the other hand, spring has arrived, which means time for dresses and happy cats:

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Week 1 report

So... this was not a good week. Mentally it was just terrible, so goal-wise it was also not as good as planned.

Walking/running: 32km/35km

Yoga: 4/3

Strength-training: 0/1 (However, I did go climbing on Saturday and pruned some trees on Sunday)

Running: 1/1

Scales: 2/3

 

My first priority now is to get my headspace in order again, away from the panic-attacks for no reason and towards calmness. In order to achieve this, there will be regular cat pictures and a daily morning-walk of around 5km. I also need to come here more often, since the positivity helps enormously ;)

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Um. That looks like a really strong showing to me, especially knowing that you were having headspace struggles. Don't be too hard on yourself!

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16 hours ago, annyshay said:

Um. That looks like a really strong showing to me, especially knowing that you were having headspace struggles. Don't be too hard on yourself!

Thank you for the reminder that I should be more kind for myself. I find it really hard to accept that I cannot do anymore what came easily a year ago, which leads to a negative spiral. 

 

This week started better, and there is finally someone at my job who is taking some initiative to make things more bearable for me. It is not someone in charge, but it at least helps that someone acknowledges that there are problems, and that things must change one way or the other.

 

Week 2, Monday & Tuesday

I started walking more or less the same route of an hour in the morning, so that at least I'm not inside all day. The sounds are slightly too much for me at the moment, but it is better than sitting inside all day (with the small pains that accompany sitting all day). I'm still close to panic-attacks much of the time, but at least I did manage to get up and cook both days, orchestra practice on Monday, and a short yoga flow and clarinet practice on Tuesday.

Walking/running: 5.4km/5.3km (10.7/35)

Yoga: Yes (1/4)

Strength-training/running: No (0/1, 0/1)

Scales: Yes, F, A and Bb major with their parallel minors (1/4)

 

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5 hours ago, Waanie said:

This week started better

 

That's good to hear, and good on you for making the best of what you can, pushing your boundaries just enough to grow but not give up. I'm proud of you.

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19 hours ago, WolfDreamer said:

 

That's good to hear, and good on you for making the best of what you can, pushing your boundaries just enough to grow but not give up. I'm proud of you.

Thanks! One of the big questions at the moment is where my boundaries lie, and how I can reduce the influence of my mood on it. If I just use discipline to do whatever needs done, I definitely go too far, so this is a delicate balance.

 

Week 2, Wednesday

Walking: 5.3km (16/35)

Yoga: Nope (1/3)

Running/Strength: A little bodyweight training (5/5/4 of BW squat, knee push-up, leg-assisted pull-up and hanging knee raises) (0/1,1/1)

Scales: Nope. (1/3)

 

Work-related rant:

Spoiler

Unfortunately, my managers don't understand that I need them to contact me in some way or other when I'm at home with a burnout for several months. I don't expect a post-card or flowers (which would be traditional), but a simple "how are you?" would already make a big difference. I tried to relay that through several people, but apparently it is either not understood or they don't care about me. As a graduate candidate with around 2 weeks - 3 months to go on my thesis (depends on when you ask which manager) and a big pay-out for the group when I finish, I would really expect them to at least treat me as a human being, and I do not even get that courtesy. I (probably) only have thesis-writing left, which is not the most enjoyable thing to do. I do not understand at all why they would not show even the most basic support, except if they don't care about me as a human being. They say to everyone they have good intentions, but I just don't see those.

 

Anyway, my mood fluctuates between "okay" and "why would I continue living" and anything in between, which is really tough. 

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37 minutes ago, Waanie said:

Anyway, my mood fluctuates between "okay" and "why would I continue living" and anything in between, which is really tough.

 

I'm sorry to hear this. Do you have anyone you can talk to about these feelings (other than the great people here on NF)? You may have mentioned before, but do you talk to a counselor or at least have a close friend who will let you share your struggles without judgement and even without trying to "fix" you or "help" you. Sometimes all we need is someone to let us vent those emotions, get them out of our brain for a while. But the "why would I continue living" feeling shouldn't be taken lightly.

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24 minutes ago, WolfDreamer said:

 

I'm sorry to hear this. Do you have anyone you can talk to about these feelings (other than the great people here on NF)? You may have mentioned before, but do you talk to a counselor or at least have a close friend who will let you share your struggles without judgement and even without trying to "fix" you or "help" you. Sometimes all we need is someone to let us vent those emotions, get them out of our brain for a while. But the "why would I continue living" feeling shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

I'm going to second this! Loudly!

 

I'm really sorry that you aren't in a good headspace and can understand how badly a downward spiral can go. We are here to support you, but we can't BE (physically) there and check on your well being. At the very least, do you have a friend or a loved one you can reach out to when you are at the point of questioning continuing living? Also, if you don't currently see someone for mental health reasons, please at least schedule a visit. Even if you only go in occasionally, being established with someone makes it easier to get appointments when things start to go downhill.

 

If you ever need to talk and don't want to do so publicly, I am only a PM away. 

 

Instead of worrying about goals, I think you need to focus on:

On 3/26/2019 at 8:17 AM, Waanie said:

My first priority now is to get my headspace in order again, away from the panic-attacks for no reason and towards calmness. In order to achieve this, there will be regular cat pictures and a daily morning-walk of around 5km.

 

Are there other things you can do in order to help your headspace? 

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