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Curl Brogo

Brogo Stops Being an @$$hole.

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3 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

How did it go?

 

I got up at 4:12 am. I feel like I could have slept better, but pretty good overall.

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Tonight....

 

I might be teeing up for my seventh negroni right fucking now.

 

WTF is that?

 

I mean, functional alcholism.

 

I probably have a problem.

 

Have you been paying attention to how much I've been drinking this week?

 

But it's not just alcohol, it's Negronis. It's not alcoholism. It's Negroniism.

 

I'm an asshole. Like way bigger of an asshole than when I started this challlenge.

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8 minutes ago, Curl Brogo said:

 

Have you been paying attention to how much I've been drinking this week?

 

Yes.

 

Have you sat down and put some thoughts into why?

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26 minutes ago, Curl Brogo said:

Have you been paying attention to how much I've been drinking this week?

 

17 minutes ago, scalyfreak said:

Yes.


Indeed. I'm not judging you an asshole though, because I used to drink every day. Mostly because it was delicious and rewarding and since I wasn't drinking large amounts, no single day was a problem in itself. I will say I am never going back, though, because sleep. I was totally deluding myself about how much it was impacting my sleep. Anyway, it took a few tries to get the habit going, but now I drink once a week and I'm pretty happy with it. Anyway, I'm sure you'll cut down when and if you want to.

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Just now, Harriet said:

I'm not judging you an asshole though, because I used to drink every day.

 

I should have put this into my initial post. I am the last person who has a right to judge anyone for drinking often, and I am not judging you (=Brogo) in my previous post.

 

I'm asking what I wished someone asked me when I was so proud I was no longer eating my emotions every day, while failing to notice I was drinking a bottle of wine per day to make up for the lack of emotional eating.

 

On reflection, it's not very fair of me to assume someone else has my faults, so I withdraw my question. I have no right to question anyone, for many reasons.

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You're all enablers...

 

... As I finish that seventh Negroni...

 

Really tho, this is better for me that fast food. so....

 

 

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1 hour ago, scalyfreak said:

 

I should have put this into my initial post. I am the last person who has a right to judge anyone for drinking often, and I am not judging you (=Brogo) in my previous post.

 

I'm asking what I wished someone asked me when I was so proud I was no longer eating my emotions every day, while failing to notice I was drinking a bottle of wine per day to make up for the lack of emotional eating.

 

On reflection, it's not very fair of me to assume someone else has my faults, so I withdraw my question. I have no right to question anyone, for many reasons.


It's not judging to ask some gentle questions. Of course you can ask questions. It's helped me a lot when nerds have questioned me on some thoughts and behaviours that weren't in my best interests. But we ought not to throw stones. Not least because our screens would break. The internet doesn't transmit stones very well. It's a bad idea all around.

 

44 minutes ago, Curl Brogo said:

You're all enablers...


Damnit, we've been too soft-hearted. Scaly, where did we leave the cat o' nine tails? 

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On 3/12/2019 at 10:42 PM, Curl Brogo said:

Goal 1: Don't eat like an asshole
 

Assholes:

Eat the whole pizza in one sitting.

Go an entire day without eating any fruit or vegetables.

Drink more than 2 beers by themselves for no reason.

Never say no to a dessert/sweet.

Do not prepare meals and wind up getting fast food when they end up getting hungry even though there is healthy food in the goddamn fridge.

Do all of this shit in a single day sometimes.

 

It does seem to go against your goals.... :unsure:

 

Drinking in the evening becomes a habit, just like late night snacking, because (A) it’s nice, and (B) it passes the time in a pleasant way.  Often we are doing it just out of habit/boredom rather than because we really want a drink/snack.  If you want to break the habit then you might need to find something to do that occupies you in the evening so that you don’t automatically reach for a negroni. 

 

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6 hours ago, Guzzi said:

Drinking in the evening becomes a habit, just like late night snacking, because (A) it’s nice, and (B) it passes the time in a pleasant way.  Often we are doing it just out of habit/boredom rather than because we really want a drink/snack.

 

Yep, that's exactly what I did! :)

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tenor.gif?itemid=10686024

 

Also, there was a time I found myself drinking a lot at home on weeknights to avoid dealing with things I didn't want to do or feelings I didn't wanna feel. 

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There's a lot of honesty here. 

 

If you're not ready to make this change, don't make it. You need to be honest with yourself, though, whatever that truth may be.

 

As always, you've got people here that care for your well being, even if they've only ever known you on this forum. We'll be here.

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Making my morning after social media rounds to check the damages.

 

Phew. It's not as bad as I thought.

 

I appreciate the input, though at the time this discussion was occurring, there wasn't much getting in. Sorry I accused you of being enablers, although I was only joking and there's not much you can do from the other side of the interwebz to intervene so...

 

Okay...

 

I didn't make it to work until 8:30, surprise. I felt super tired all day. And a little bit nauseous. But I made it, and put in a sold 7.5 hours at least. I handled it like an adult.

 

I've actually been on to figuring out the why part for years. I'm not an alcoholic, I just overdo it sometimes, and sometimes too often. I'm just a stupid drunk asshole sometimes. If I was an alcoholic, I'd be drinking right now, but I don't even have the taste for it right now, nor can I rationalize drinking it.

 

I never drink when I'm down. I have a couple of times in the past, but I know better now. A rough day, I might invite a friend to grab a drink, moreso for the company. And when I'm down I tend not to overdo it because I guess I lack the energy.

 

Drinking for me is social and celebratory. Or sometimes just to enjoy the taste. I actually like the tastes of craft brews, good wine, bourbon, scotch, cocktails. I like sharing tasting notes with friends. And lately, I've been celebrating. What? I don't really know. I have been in a really good mood despite sucking at not being an asshole.

 

Now if there is an 800 lbs gorilla in the room with me, it could be that have a high functioning variation of a certain mood disorder. I did talk about this with a therapist a few years ago when I was dealing with depression and anxiety in grad school. But, those can be heavy diagnoses and require months or years of therapy to nail down. And if you're functioning and managing it, why bother with the stigma of the diagnosis or the cost of therapy?

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Not all alcoholics are drunk all the time. Some are binge drinkers. I don't know you, and I don't know if you are an alcoholic or not. I do believe a big part of you is worried you might be. Take that for what it's worth.

 

I will also say calling yourself an asshole is demonstratively ineffective. I suggest not bothering with doing so anymore.

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39 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Not all alcoholics are drunk all the time. Some are binge drinkers. I don't know you, and I don't know if you are an alcoholic or not. I do believe a big part of you is worried you might be. Take that for what it's worth.

 

I will also say calling yourself an asshole is demonstratively ineffective. I suggest not bothering with doing so anymore.

 

Thanks Tank. Great points.

 

I just took a quick alcoholism quiz (11 y/n questions) I'm at 3/11, so they say 'at mild risk.' Not a diagnosis but a good tool to make sure I'm asking myself the right questions.

 

I think that's a fair assessment. I'm not an alcoholic but I drink too much sometimes and it causes problems. I'm taking an indefinite break from drinking while focusing my energies on more constructive, productive, and healthy activities.

 

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3 hours ago, Curl Brogo said:

 

Now if there is an 800 lbs gorilla in the room with me, it could be that have a high functioning variation of a certain mood disorder. I did talk about this with a therapist a few years ago when I was dealing with depression and anxiety in grad school. But, those can be heavy diagnoses and require months or years of therapy to nail down. And if you're functioning and managing it, why bother with the stigma of the diagnosis or the cost of therapy?

 

It took my therapist a couple of months to figure me out. Take that for what it's worth and with a grain of salt, since therapy isn't exactly a generic thing that works the same way for everyone. In hindsight, I can see how my diagnosis might have ben obvious for a trained professional with the ability not to get lost in my own head of worrying too much about everything... :) 

 

It's only a stigma if you allow others to make it a stigma. Outside of this forum I have told three individuals about my diagnosis, and I plan to keep it that way unless something forces my hand. I am married to one of the three, and the other two have the same parents as I do. (They also have kids, so I thought they deserved to know in case it runs in the family.) No one at my job knows. No one else in my families, biological or through marriage, knows about it. No one in the organisation I volunteer with. Because it's none of their business, and I don't want to have to deal with explaining it, talking about it, answering questions about it. I don't talk a lot about my experiences with the US immigration system for the same reasons.

 

If you think seeing a therapist would help you, I highly recommend doing it. However, mental therapy is a lot like physical therapy in that they have the expertise and they provide you with the techniques and with guidance, but you are the one who has to actually do the work. I firmly believe that if I had tried therapy even a year sooner, it would not have helped nearly as much because I wasn't ready for it at that time. Today, I view the cost of therapy the way I view the cost of my gym membership, as an investment in my health and in my future self.

 

If you're not at that point, I do not recommend therapy, because it only works if you're fully invested in doing it. I also do not recommend trying to forcibly get to that point either. If you're meant to get there, self-reflection and efforts at self-improvement will get you there. And if you're not meant to get there, self-reflection and self-improvement will take you down a good path that goes towards the destination you need.

 

You've got this.

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1 hour ago, scalyfreak said:

If you're not at that point, I do not recommend therapy, because it only works if you're fully invested in doing it.

 

I agree with Scaly. I've also wasted a lot of time with my therapist by withholding -- I would tell her about less important things and not open up about the hard stuff that I wasn't even ready to admit to myself. So yeah, only do it if you want to and feel like you can put the work in willingly. And you don't necessarily need a diagnosis. I think some people find it's a relief and helps them to not blame themselves as much for things. But on the other hand a label can feel like it detracts from your power to define yourself and focus on your strengths. 
 

I also used to drink more than I intended sometimes, mostly at social events where I was socially anxious and wanted something to do with my hands/face. It took ages for me to get out of the habit simply because I didn't do it often, so there weren't many opportunities to practice. But I did eventually get enough practice and am pretty good at setting limits now. So it can be done. 

 

Also, here's a corgi being vacuumed. 


giphy.gif?cid=790b76115ca6c4cc6f65707a6b

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11 hours ago, Harriet said:

So yeah, only do it if you want to and feel like you can put the work in willingly. And you don't necessarily need a diagnosis. I think some people find it's a relief and helps them to not blame themselves as much for things. But on the other hand a label can feel like it detracts from your power to define yourself and focus on your strengths. 

 

This is a really excellent point. Psychology is a powerful double-edged sword. It's been demonstrated that some people who get x-rays on their spine as a generic test and are shown a previously asymptomatic anomaly automatically become more pain-sensitive (nocebo effect). Some people are unfazed. If you believe getting formal confirmation will help, go for it. No pressure either way. 

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I went to the brewery across the street last night. BUT, I didn't drink. I got food (they have the best grilled cheese ever) and just caught up with the neighbors.

 

Thinking about my mental health and drinking.

 

First, today, I'm cleaning this damn apartment.

 

I'll use the last week of this challenge to develop a more serious plan to manage my brain. And I'm going to look into treatment and management plans.

 

 

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From personal experience, sleep and alcohol are big factors. Lack of sleep combined with drinking alcohol, makes a lot of my mental issues resurface with a vengeance. The brain is easy to influence with diet and emotion.

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I spent 4 hours cleaning. Not all that needed to be done was accomplished but I made a big dent. The big thing I need to do is set up bookshelves so I can get all these damn books off the floor. Seriously, everywhere you turn in here, pile of books. Nerd. I'm gonna go to Lowe's and get some boards and cinder blocks and do one or two 8 feet wide, 3 shelves high deals underneath the windows in my bedroom and/or 'studio'. Now I've got space for at least one of those.

 

4 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

From personal experience, sleep and alcohol are big factors. Lack of sleep combined with drinking alcohol, makes a lot of my mental issues resurface with a vengeance. The brain is easy to influence with diet and emotion.

 

Yup. I'm pretty sure this recent bout is just built up from the night I went out with friends for cocktails (whereupon I was introduced to Negronis) a couple of weeks ago.

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On 4/2/2019 at 7:13 PM, Curl Brogo said:

Coming to Theatres:

Drink Hard, Sleep Harder

Starring: Bruce Willis and Curl Brogo

Directed by: Michael Bay

 

Image result for 21 GIFs Improved By Michael Bay-Style Explosions

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Eating goal: I ate a whole pizza today, and pretty much in one sitting. But, it was a small like 1300 calorie frozen pizza, and I took that into account when making other meal choices like the salad I just had for dinner. I also worked out while it cooked. Yesterday, I almost ordered pizza and/or Chinese, but decided not to once I saw the bill on each. I ate fish, veggies, and rice instead. Haven't had a drink since Wednesday. To prep for lunches this week, I bought one of those rotisserie chickens and a loaf of sourdough at the store. I shredded all the meat and skin on the chicken, so I have a bowl of that for some easy sandwiches or wraps all week (I also got tortillas). For breakfast there's plenty of the breadless breakfast sandwiches, and I've got a gallon jar with some double strength cold brew coffee sitting in the fridge so I can have a nice cold, refreshing and potent cafe au (soy)lait in the morning.

 

Exercise goal: I did dips and pullups. Dips were sets of 3, 5, 3, 3 and pullups were a negative followed by a couple of attempts to pull up from a dead hang. Not a lot but I feel it.

 

I have decided that I am going to start running again. Next challenge I'll probably start up the C25k program. No promises, but I might try to start it this week.

 

Work and finance goals: I did not get 50 hours these last two weeks. I will need to do this and keep it up to stay ahead financially. Probably not getting that PS4 anytime soon. I'm all caught up with my bills, I haven't used a credit card in months. I have everything set up on autopay, and as long as I keep the money coming by getting more than 45 hours I'll have an actual savings again soon. While I'm saving I have a couple projects that I can do to occupy my mind until I can get the PS4...

 

1) Get back into CNC programming: for work. I need to keep studying and improving how to take a blueprint and write code that tells the machines how to make it. I haven't done any of that since I finished my semester at school last Spring... a year ago. There hasn't been much time since I've been operating and learning to set up machines, but I can spend some time in the evening studying this.

 

2) Jazz guitar: playing the guitar always improves my mood. Or at least gives me a healthy outlet for brainy-feely stuff.

 

3) The Odin Project: Ruby on Rails Web Development, once I get the CNC programming back in my brain, I want to write my own apps to write code for me. The machine I'm learning to run is weird, and the programming and manufacturing software that most others use, doesn't work for it all that well. I'd have to learn to write code manually, which would suck (the codes are pretty verbose and repetitive). Brewing my own apps will give me an edge, and maybe I can develop a web based software that helps other programmers, and make some money off it.

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I like your food planning with the chicken. I especially like the tortilla part of the plan... a tortilla is my favorite way to re-purpose leftover food. Anything can become a burrito if you try hard enough.

 

And music is comfort food for the soul. Are you working on a particular song right now?

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7 hours ago, Curl Brogo said:

For breakfast there's plenty of the breadless breakfast sandwiches,

 

I’m intrigued, what are these breadless sandwiches you speak of?

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