[Oromendur] Denouement

[oromendur]

denouement: The final part of a play, film, or narrative in which the strands of the plot are drawn together and matters are explained or resolved. (Mid 18th century: French dénouement, from dénouer 'unknot.')  ~OED

 

Greetings all! In the ongoing adventure that is my life, I recently wandered away from Nerd Fitness for a while, and now I'm going to make an attempt to wander back. Looking over my calendar since I last checked in with my fellow Adventurers, I see many things that seem important: Thanksgiving with friends in Colorado; hosting the same friends at my place the weekend they ran a half marathon (I joined in afterwards, for the celebratory overeating); visiting my family in Buffalo for Christmas; hosting friends from overseas for a few weeks over New Year's; helping a friend from the East Coast attend a medieval re-enactment event on the West Coast (which involved assistance in shopping for, pre-cooking, and preparing the Moroccan feast she created, as well as transporting her and all of our camping gear and my early music toys to and from said event); attending a wonderful turn-of-the-century Victorian dance ball; flying to Orlando for some Disney fun with my East Coast friend; and even hosting my 16-year-old niece on her very first independent travel experience.

 

All of that would be more than enough to explain my current state of confused exhaustion -- but that whole plotline actually doesn't include the most important event (and the climax of this particular volume in the ongoing saga of my life story): I FINISHED MY DISSERTATION.

 

You would think, with such a thunderously important occasion, that I could say when it was finished enough to celebrate, but I can't.

 

I emailed my completed first draft on 2 December, just squeaking in under the very hard and uncompromising get-it-done-or-your-life-is-over deadline. Based on committee feedback, most of which did not come until after Christmas, I emailed a revised draft on 25 January. I received official final draft approval on 5 February. It took another two weeks to schedule my oral dissertation defense. One friend calls this period "ABD: the final hoops" but I'm calling it kind of anticlimactic.

 

If my struggles to finish the wretched book last fall were equivalent to Frodo's journey through the Ephel Dúath, I get the feeling that what I'm going through now is basically the slow, steady, almost painfully extended denouement that eases Tolkien's readers out of his secondary world at the end of The Lord of the Rings. There are still some challenges ahead -- I do have this minor little talk I have to give in ten days, after all -- but, really, it's all just a way to resist the increasingly melancholy but sadly inevitable transition back into reality.

 

The weeks since I finally managed to wrangle my advisor into scheduling my defense have honestly proved to be much more depressing and difficult than I expected. I was so sure what I wanted was a break -- but now I feel like I'm stuck in a sort of Limbo where I can't move on but I can't do anything more either. I've been desultorily poking through job openings (applying for any of which feels like far too much work at this point, compared to a later time when I will legally be able to include three magic initials after my name). I've been desultorily poking at the outline of my defense talk (which, when I actually sit down to actually do it, will probably take me less than an hour to put together). I've been eating too much and drinking too much and making horribly bad decisions like staying up all night reading brain-candy fantasy or playing various iterations of The Witcher or just mindlessly trawling the internet for diversion or distraction. The house is so filthy it's nearly unlivable, I'm having major septic tank problems, the check engine light in the car is on, and the (very necessary and welcome but still annoying) unusual amount of rain we've had this spring has been dripping incessantly through my leaking roof and turned my untamable landscaping into a chest-high jungle of weeds and grasses and flowers. Every time I even try to imagine confronting any of this, I feel like I can't breathe.

 

It. Is. Enough.

 

I am rejoining the Rebellion. 

 

A single challenge may not be enough to completely arrest the freefall in which I find myself, but I can at least slow the descent.

 

There are some things that ABSOLUTELY have to happen in the next four weeks, and I'm going to publicly list them here. I think I'm going to use the last few chapters of The Return of the King as a loose grouping mechanism -- it will save me the effort of having to come up with something on my own, and thinking about them in this way will hopefully provide enough of an opportunity to sort myself out mentally that I can face the thought of sorting myself out physically in a later challenge  

 

 

Homeward Bound

 

"You’ve come back changed from your travels, and you look now like folk as can deal with troubles out of hand. I don’t doubt you’ll soon set all to rights." ~Barliman Butterbur

 

There is a great deal that wants setting to rights in my own little corner of the Shire.

 

Get the house livable again. I know what needs to be done -- the list is extensive and boring, so I won't dump it all in here. I will report on whatever small victories I can manage each week. The goal for the end of the challenge is to get myself into a position to possibly restart my Habitica baby-step cleaning habits. As an example of the monsters that need to be slain here, my current septic tank situation (see below for details) precludes doing laundry at home and a laundromat trip is, well, more than I have been able to face -- so by the official start of the challenge on Monday I would at least like to be able to sleep in my own bed again. (Yes, I'm afraid it is that bad.)

 

Move forward on the septic tank repair. Anyone following my earlier adventures might remember the fire cleanup that was beating me up so badly. The good news is, once the uncharacteristic monsoons began, the county stopped worrying, and now no one is likely to bug me about my yard again until sometime late this coming summer. Unfortunately my efforts in cleaning things up resulted in a huge and nearly impenetrable wall of brush directly in the path to my septic tank. That's very bad news indeed when the tank is overflowing into a smelly pool of disgustingness in the backyard... I must break down the brush, prune some trees, and clear a path large enough to get a digger of some sort in there to make a huge mess, for the purpose of figuring out why the [BLEEP] it's not draining. 

 

Get car in for service. Self-explanatory. Make appointment. Drive to dealership. Hand over money I don't have to cover [yet] a[NOTHER] large, unexpected, and unbudgeted expense. Easy, right? 

 

 

The Scouring of the Shire

 

"There’s got to be some fighting before this is settled, Mr. Frodo." ~Farmer Cotton

 

Although the Dark Lord has been toppled from his Dark Throne, some significant battles yet remain.

 

DISSERTATION DEFENSE. Monday 25 March. I don't expect much of an audience and I don't expect anything even remotely challenging to come out of this event, but things don't always go as expected. I must draft, practice, and deliver a half-hour talk on my dissertation topic. I can generally do this sort of thing with my eyes closed -- but I do still have to do it.

 

TAXES. Hundred thousand family gods this one is going to be painful this year. No ordinary income means no withdrawals and no refund -- but will the various retirement investment assets left over from my military days, some of which I had to move around and/or sell to live on this year, produce any unexpected tax burdens? Film at 11. (Or more likely at the last possible filing moment, but we'll see.)

 

 

The Grey Havens

 

"Use all the wits and knowledge you have of your own...and then use the gift to help your work and better it. And use it sparingly. There is not much here, and I expect every grain has a value." ~Frodo Baggins, to Samwise Gamgee

 

I need to remember the fact that these post-dissertation days are a gift, perhaps from the Lady herself. Now that the big horrible explosions of the fiery climax are over, I want to try and cultivate some things that used to bring me joy and peace.

 

Writer's Games entries. In an unguarded moment this past February I registered as a participant for the first portion of this year's Writer's Games. This six-week contest involves writing a short story in 72 hours each weekend; the topics are posted on Friday night, and the stories are due each Tuesday. Short fiction is about as far outside of my comfort zone as you could possibly take me  I'm viewing this whole experience more as training than a contest. It's a chance to play around, to invent and write and and goof off on the page without having to invest the large amounts of mental and emotional energy I'm used to paying for an interesting story. I very much want to submit entries to all five remaining events, so that will be my challenge.

 

Recover morning and evening routines. This is a stretch goal, but I'm going to leave it here anyway. I've managed to hold onto the Tai Chi each morning, but everything else has completely fallen off; if I manage a full morning routine (meditation, morning pages, Tai Chi) or a full evening routine (teeth, face, stretching) I will report on it here.

 

 

Reading over all of this, it seems like a lot -- but it's nearly all something that I would be trying to do anyway, even if I hadn't clawed myself back onto the Nerd Fitness wagon. At least this way I'll have to sit down weekly and publicly evaluate my progress, which in my current state can't hurt and just might help  

 

Good luck to everyone in your own challenges!

[annyshay]

First follow! Now to go back and read...

 

Update: I feel you. Now that I have a job I'm in this weird lame duck period. Here's to getting some stuff done and enjoying the days that we have!

[Ann of Owlshire]

I'm so glad you've returned as well! I've been thinking about you and worrying a bit. (You were a bit down last time.) Congratulations on the progress you've made on your dissertation! That's a huge accomplishment!

 

But after such an accomplishment ends (or goes into this long limbo of ending*), it's not a surprise to me that you're finding yourself in a bit of a haze. You've got a good plan, and I'm here to cheer you on.

 

*I saw the movie Return of the King with my cousin, and I remember her being like "wait, the movie is still going?!" after Sauron's defeat, and I was like "believe me, this is nothing compared to the book...."

[squeakyvalkyrie]

Welcome back! How are things going?

[Sciread77]

Apparently I didn’t post! How did the defense go?

[WolfDreamer]

Welcome back @oromendur. Let me know if I can help in any way.

[oromendur]

[WEEK 1 UPDATE]

 

I guess it's time for my first update! (We're all just going to very politely not notice that it's halfway through Week 2, right? OK then.)

 

 

Homeward Bound

 

House: I did finally manage to get the bedding cleaned and my bed made, which has improved my sleep tremendously. For much too long I was just kind of crashing on the futon in my office in my clothes, and the sleep was just as awful as you'd expect. (The fact that I was routinely reading or gaming until 4 in the morning wasn't exactly helping things either.) That's all stopped now and I'm getting myself back on track. I think that counts as a big livability improvement. What else? I managed to get the counters and sink in the kitchen cleaned up. The floor is still a biohazard zone, but the likelihood of my doing anything about that without the threat of a visitor is fairly low right now. Oh yes -- I finally opened the box with my new bokashi bucket in it (said box has been an obstacle in my dining room for longer than I am going to admit) and I am now happily fermenting my food scraps. This does mean that I'm going to have to sort out a true compost solution eventually, but I figure I'll have at least two weeks after I fill the bucket to go dig a hole somewhere.

 

Septic tank repair: nothing. And I don't want to talk about it. You'd think the fact that I can barely use any running water would make this more of a priority -- every 2-3 days I can either a) run the dishwasher or b) take a shower), and laundry is out of the question -- but I have some world-champion levels of denial and displacement and distraction going on here. It's stupid. I mean, really, how hard is it to CUT UP SOME [BLEEP]ING BRUSH?? Ugh. Maybe this week.

 

Car: I took the wretched machine to the dealer. (I had them do the nearly-due routine maintenance while they were at it.) The check engine light code turned out to indicate an evap leak; the full diagnostic to find the leak was more than I could afford, but the lady told me it was safe to drive. That whole situation is now going to be put off until the credit cards cycle next month. So -- partial win? I did it, but it's not done. Story of my life (sigh)

 

 

The Scouring of the Shire

 

DEFENSE: DONE!! (I guess this is technically a Week 2 event, but let's just wrap everything into an update as of today, all right?) I procrastinated putting the talk and slides together until, um, like, Thursday. This meant that I couldn't go dancing on Saturday night as planned because I had a date with PowerPoint But everything went fine -- I'm quite a good public speaker, and honestly the bar is not really set all that high at my particular institution of higher learning. I managed to get 460 pages of Tolkien analysis into a 25-minute talk and then they more or less said I could go be a Doctor if I would just shut up already Now I'm just waiting for the Registrar to post my degree so I can actually start the real job applications. 

 

TAXES: Um, no. Next question, please.

 

 

The Grey Havens

 

Writers Games: Entries successfully submitted for the Practice Event, Event 1, and Event 2. My Practice Event entry was disqualified on a plot technicality, but it didn't matter because it didn't count anyway. I, um, sort of won Event 1. I didn't mean to -- I really was just responding to the prompt and having fun -- but the winner announcement left me stunned. (It also significantly lowered my estimate of the level of writing produced by this event; I'm good, but I'm honestly not that good. Anyway.) Event 2 was a much more challenging prompt (just reading mysteries makes me feel stupid, trying to write one was worse) so hopefully I won't do as well. It sounds silly, but I really didn't want any unconscious pressure for good performance in this thing. Unfortunately an early first-place showing has given me just that. I've decided to do my best to ignore it. The only thing I must do is submit three more stories. I will do that, because I said I would and because I need the external pressure to keep me writing, but I am NOT going to worry about the quality. Dammit.

 

Routines: no, not really. I have managed to recover some of the evening one -- I'm now flossing, brushing, and washing my face most nights -- but I was really only blowing that off occasionally anyway (usually when I was up stupid late reading or gaming). What I really need to do is add stretching to the list so I can make my back stop hurting. We'll see. Maybe this week.

 

 

Looking back at all of that, I guess I can check off as many wins as losses. It's just that the losses (septic tank, taxes) are so big that they're overwhelming the wins in my mind. What can I do to tackle this? What would be a good baby step? How about this: sometime in the next five days, I will get dressed and go outside with a set of loppers and cut AT LEAST ONE BRANCH. That's all. Just one. Hopefully I won't stop after one, of course, but I can if I want to, and I'll come post here in celebration even if I just do one.

 

Hope everyone else is hitting Week 2 strong!

[oromendur]

On 3/15/2019 at 5:52 PM, annyshay said:

Now that I have a job I'm in this weird lame duck period.

 

Yep, definitely feeling that. Congrats on the job though! Very exciting!

 

On 3/16/2019 at 3:04 AM, Ann of Vries said:

You've got a good plan, and I'm here to cheer you on.

 

Thanks! I'm so glad you're here. I love following your London adventures with the Enting

 

On 3/25/2019 at 10:32 AM, squeakyvalkyrie said:

Welcome back! How are things going?

 

Thanks! And welcome yourself, to the forums and to the Adventurers. Things are going, as they do... BTW I *LOVE* your username. My long-neglected but still-kicking SCA viking persona definitely approves 

 

21 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

Apparently I didn’t post! How did the defense go?

 

Sciread! Good to see you here! Defense went fine -- these things aren't contentious at all at my school. If you get there, you're going to pass. It was actually kind of fun.

 

27 minutes ago, WolfDreamer said:

Welcome back @oromendur. Let me know if I can help in any way.

 

Thanks, WolfenDreamer. It's good to be back, and great to have your positive presence here too. I love the Adventurers.

[squeakyvalkyrie]

9 minutes ago, oromendur said:

Thanks! And welcome yourself, to the forums and to the Adventurers. Things are going, as they do... BTW I *LOVE* your username. My long-neglected but still-kicking SCA viking persona definitely approves 

 

I'm Lady Eva Hundsdotter, Squeaky Toy of the West, Valkyrie of Efficiency, Kingdom of the West, Principality of the Mists. SCA has overtake my life. 

[Sciread77]

Re: Baby steps

 

I’m going through something similar with the house and bakery launch. When you have a big thing to take care of, Iike the septic tank, it’s best to find a time when you can focus on only that and then make it your number one goal until it is still done. As an example, we knocked out the cleaning and organization of one room at at time. We have one left. But if we do anything else, it gets in the way and it can drag out for far too long. 

[Ann of Owlshire]

Hurray for Dr. Oromendur! Congratulations on your Dissertation Defense! 

 

My dear, it wouldn't be a challenge if you rocked it all in week one. You're doing just fine, carry on

 

[annyshay]

^^^^ That. Congrats, Dr!!!

[oromendur]

[WEEK 2 UPDATE]

 

Late. Again. But it's not quite as late as the Week 1 update, right? Right.

 

 

Homeward Bound

 

House: Well, um, my bed is made, the kitchen sink and counters are clean, and I emptied and cleaned out the very-funky-smelling Nespresso machine today while I was waiting for my tea to steep. I have nothing else to report besides the fact the rest of the house has seen no change whatsoever from its typical natural disaster state.

 

Septic tank: no nothing I feel so [BLEEP]ing useless  I will try again this week.

 

Car: New month. If I can avoid spending any money until Friday, I'll be able to take it in again next week.

 

 

The Scouring of the Shire

 

DEFENSE: Completed last week. I celebrated a bit this past weekend; see below.

 

TAXES: No. did I mention I feel useless  This week. That hard 15 Apr deadline is barreling down on me at full speed.

 

 

The Grey Havens

 

Writers Games: Event 3 submitted. After winning Event 1, I didn't even place in Event 2, which should have pleased me because it took away the pressure to perform I was complaining about last week, but it didn't because although I talk a good game I'm actually weak-willed enough that I secretly wanted the dopamine hit of victory and felt cheated when I didn't get it. Stupid, irrational, AND arrogant: I've got quite the trifecta going. I complain when I win, and complain when I don't. There really is no making me happy, I'm afraid. Anyway. Guys, short fiction is REALLY REALLY HARD. I can barely clear my throat in 5,000 words, much less tell a whole story. Part of me wants to give up on the whole project because it's not making me feel good. At this point I will have an entry in the published anthology, so if I stop right now I will still have achieved perfect external success. But the whole point was the training and discipline that would come from writing something that didn't matter emotionally. Significant failure on the last item, I guess, but the first two are still important. I will write the last two stories, bad feelings or no bad feelings. Have I mentioned I'm a stubborn old jarhead who does stupid things for no reason?

 

Routines: sadly, no. I haven't lost too much (my evening supplements have started to slide, and my daily nutrition is honestly not good enough to compensate, so that's a problem) but I don't feel like I've many any real forward progress either. If I can find the motivation, I may spend an hour this afternoon chasing the spiders and dust bunnies out of my meditation space. Even if I don't manage the whole morning routine, maybe I can get at least one new item in before the end of the challenge.

 

 

Looking back, it doesn't feel like I accomplished much of anything at all this week. My brain twists me around pretty badly sometimes; I had some travel planning that needed to be done for my Alaska trip in June, but I lost TWO ENTIRE DAYS to a brain-lock of agonizing indecision that really didn't make any sense until I pegged it as a symptom of the general fear I have about making decisions right now. It's like the small things I was obsessing over, reading the same AirBnB descriptions over and over again and again and again, were substitutes for the enormous "What the hell am I going to do with my life" decision I'm going to have to make here soon. I know this to be true -- but that doesn't seem to help, not even a little bit. G.I. Joe lied to me, dammit 

 

I did do one fun thing to celebrate my doctorness: I enjoyed a short staycation down in Coronado. I had a certificate for a free weekend night in a hotel that was expiring on 1 Apr, so I booked myself into the superb Hotel Del Coronado on Saturday night. It's an incredible property in an incredible location, and the whole trip was a lovely reminder that San Diego in the springtime is one of the most beautiful places in the world.

 

Pictures: 

Spoiler

     

 

 

On Sunday morning I splurged on the hotel's signature brunch. I wasn't paying for the room, and I had intentionally eaten out of my freezer all week long so I could save my food budget for a single big celebratory blowout meal. Fancy champagne buffet brunches with superb and plentiful food are a thing I really love, and this one was about as fancy and champagney and superb as you can get. 

More pictures: 

Spoiler

  

 

 

Kipling, Shakespeare, and gluttony -- I'm not sure life gets any better than this, brain weasels or no brain weasels

 

Right. Two more weeks. I have no writing requirements until the Event 4 story prompt comes out on Friday, so my goal between now and then is to be off the computer by 10 am each morning and to do SOMETHING to improve the state of my hobbit hole every day. Anything. Pick up one item. Take out the trash (it's been a week or so). Whatever. Something. Wish me luck!

[oromendur]

On 3/27/2019 at 11:15 AM, squeakyvalkyrie said:

I'm Lady Eva Hundsdotter, Squeaky Toy of the West, Valkyrie of Efficiency, Kingdom of the West, Principality of the Mists. SCA has overtake my life. 

 

<curtseys> THL Disa blatǫnn, late of the Barony of Calafia in the Kingdom of Caid, on a long and regrettable exile in Mundania that will hopefully come to an end sometime this summer. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, milady  

[oromendur]

On 3/27/2019 at 1:10 PM, Sciread77 said:

When you have a big thing to take care of, Iike the septic tank, it’s best to find a time when you can focus on only that and then make it your number one goal until it is still done.

 

Yeah, you're right. I know you're right. The problem is that I have a brutal mental block on this (which honestly feels exactly like the mental block I had on the fire cleanup last fall) that stops me from being even remotely sensible. I can deal with really insane levels of discomfort and inconvenience, so that old adage about 'too painful to stay than change' doesn't really work for me; I just get crazier and crazier and more and more unhappy, but I never seem to get to a breaking point until some sort of external force intervenes. Maybe I need to invite someone over to stay for a while...

[oromendur]

On 3/28/2019 at 1:59 AM, Ann of Vries said:

Hurray for Dr. Oromendur!

 

On 3/28/2019 at 4:40 AM, annyshay said:

Congrats, Dr!!!

 

Thanks! It is nice to be done. Now I need to tackle that whole life-changing decision thing... You guys are the best 

[Sciread77]

58 minutes ago, oromendur said:

 

Yeah, you're right. I know you're right. The problem is that I have a brutal mental block on this (which honestly feels exactly like the mental block I had on the fire cleanup last fall) that stops me from being even remotely sensible. I can deal with really insane levels of discomfort and inconvenience, so that old adage about 'too painful to stay than change' doesn't really work for me; I just get crazier and crazier and more and more unhappy, but I never seem to get to a breaking point until some sort of external force intervenes. Maybe I need to invite someone over to stay for a while...

 

It’s funny you mention that because one of the tricks we use for overcoming those is throwing a party or inviting house guests over. 

[WolfDreamer]

19 hours ago, oromendur said:

Kipling, Shakespeare, and gluttony

 

That sounds pretty amazing to me. 

[Ann of Owlshire]

20 hours ago, oromendur said:

Guys, short fiction is REALLY REALLY HARD.

 

Seriously. I have trouble with short stories as well. Despite that I really like their potential as a form.

 

20 hours ago, oromendur said:

do SOMETHING to improve the state of my hobbit hole every day. Anything. Pick up one item

 

Seriously, baby steps like this are what I need to do sometimes.

 

Okay, all the time >_>;

 

20 hours ago, oromendur said:

Now I need to tackle that whole life-changing decision thing

 

It'll come together. Just keep feeding ideas into the brain and let it stew. It sounds like you've got plenty of other tasks to keep your hands busy

[annyshay]

Hope you're doing well, Dr. Oromendur.

[oromendur]

[CHALLENGE WRAP-UP]

 

Well, the quicksand of Week 3 trapped me again (sigh). I didn't want to leave this all untied, so to speak, so here is a quick wrap-up even though I took a fairly spectacular header off the wagon this challenge. 

 

 

Homeward Bound

 

House: Bed-making and sink-cleaning have generally continued, and while I missed cleaning the Nespresso machine in Week 3 I caught up again with it in Week 4. These are small victories, worth small celebrations, but they are so small in the face of the vastness of the overall problem that it's hard for me to be happy about them. I absolutely MUST take the trash out this week, because I will be traveling and don't need anything developing sentience in my kitchen bin while I'm gone.

 

Septic tank: I'm to the point where I'm ignoring it and hoping it will go away. There is actually a small amount of evidence to support this course of action, and because it's less painful than admitting how truly useless I am, I will type out my rationalization here... So I think the main source of the problem was a leaking master bedroom toilet, which I finally gave up on forcing myself to fix and simply shut off about a month and a half ago. Previously, the septic tank would overflow and stay overflowed for days after any large influx of water. But each of the last few weeks has seen a small but steady increase in the draining rate. Not a large increase, mind you, and I still can't do much of anything, but now the dishwasher overflow only comes up half the depth of the hole I dug to expose the covers, and drains away almost immediately. Something has changed since I shut off the toilet. I'll be traveling soon, and I'm hoping that a month or so of no use whatsoever may improve the situation further.

 

Car: The brain-lock I suffered over planning my Alaska trip meant I procrastinated purchasing airfare too long, and the plane tickets cost me three hundred dollars more than they should have done. Since I also want to eat, the car will have to wait. I'm not driving it much right now anyway. It's just going to have to go make friends with the septic tank over there in the 'ignore' pile for now.

 

Grade: abject failure  

 

 

The Scouring of the Shire

 

DEFENSE: Done. Over. I now have no idea what I am going to do with my life, so of course I'm planning adventures instead of dealing with that fact...

 

TAXES: Done. It was a painful exercise, but it could have been worse. Despite an AGI several hundred dollars below the federal poverty guidelines, I still owed $7 in taxes -- but it was only $7, so this year's ugly financial dragon went down without too much of a fight.

 

Grade: success  

 

 

The Grey Havens

 

Writers Games: I submitted entries to all five events. This turned out to be a much more difficult and emotionally draining exercise than I expected. Still, if I evaluate it solely on its merits as high-stakes training in the craft of writing, I have to admit it was absolutely superb. Because the events arrived every week on an implacable timeline, and because there was only 72 hours between event announcement and deadline, I had to focus early, actually write, and -- most importantly -- FINISH WRITING and send my work off for evaluation. I've been a decent writer my whole life, and in the last ten years or so I think I've become a very good one, but good writing is like pretty paints: the colors might be pleasing, but if they don't get combined into something meaningful, it isn't really art. I took first place in Event 1 and fifth place in Event 4 (the final event results and the overall contest results won't be out until next weekend at the earliest, so I'm not sure of my overall standing, but it will certainly be better than I expected going in). Two of my stories will be published in the contest anthology. I have proven to myself that I can write short fiction if I have to (and I have also reinforced my belief that I really don't much care for the form). If you are a writer looking to improve your whole process from conception to completion, I can recommend this contest without reservations (beyond the caveat that you need to be emotionally prepared for it, because it's not an easy path to follow). I am glad it's over, though.

 

Routines: no, nothing new. I think the fact that I have not backslid any further -- Tai Chi happens every morning, and my evening ablutions only fell off once or twice the entire month -- can be seen as a minor success, but I failed at recovering anything else.

 

Grade: mixed 

 

 

Looking at it in total, I didn't really get any better, but I guess I also didn't get any worse, and the two critically important battles (defense, taxes) were fought and won. Considering that the stated goal of this challenge was merely to slow the freefall descent of my life, I have to grant (grudgingly but truthfully) that overall it has been a success.

 

Now to think about the next one...

 

 

"Well, well! it might be worse, and then again it might be a good deal better.... On we go!" ~Gandalf (The Hobbit)

[oromendur]

Catching up on all the responses that came in while I was trapped in quicksand... Seriously, folks, I really appreciate you all stopping by, especially because I suck so much at keeping up with any threads at all, even my own. You all are the best.

 

On 4/2/2019 at 1:41 PM, Sciread77 said:

It’s funny you mention that because one of the tricks we use for overcoming those is throwing a party or inviting house guests over. 

 

This is going on my long-term list of plans to make after the next round of travel craziness. I'm kind of tied up until mid-June at this point, but I may try and convince my sister and her family to visit again during their summer holidays. We'll see.

 

On 4/3/2019 at 8:09 AM, WolfDreamer said:

That sounds pretty amazing to me. 

 

It was! I highly recommend reading Puck of Pook's Hill and A Midsummer Night's Dream in the space of a single cognitive session, one preferably enhanced by bottomless mimosas -- it's like a master class in the English concept of fairies

 

On 4/3/2019 at 9:37 AM, Ann of Vries said:

It'll come together. Just keep feeding ideas into the brain and let it stew. It sounds like you've got plenty of other tasks to keep your hands busy

 

I hope you're as right about the first part of this statement as you are about the second! I'm still stewing. I have to be patient, I think, and I have to get out of my hermit world and DO things instead of just thinking about them, before I will feel like I am in a position to make a decision from a place of strength.

 

On 4/13/2019 at 12:14 PM, annyshay said:

Hope you're doing well, Dr. Oromendur.

 

Thank you so much, Doctor Annyshay! I think I'm all right. I really am grateful for the checkup 

 

[Sciread77]

20 hours ago, oromendur said:

This is going on my long-term list of plans to make after the next round of travel craziness. I'm kind of tied up until mid-June at this point, but I may try and convince my sister and her family to visit again during their summer holidays. We'll see.

 

That sounds great. It’s less of a choice here sometimes, because we’re hosting the family for Easter and celebrating a certain little boy’s 4th birthday this weekend. But occasionally we do something to force us to get it all organized and picked up. It comes with the added reward of a party, and if you invite people that don’t wreck the place then you can relax in the quiet afterwards. 

[oromendur]

Sorry to necro-post on my own thread, but I wanted to close out the saga of the Writer’s Games competition, and I’d rather not clutter up my new thread with these ruminations.

 

Anyway. As reported earlier, I won Event 1, didn’t place in Event 2 or Event 3, and took fifth place in Event 4. In further news, it turned out that I placed second in Event 5. The way this contest is structured, each entry in each event earns a numerical score, and the winners of the individual events are those who earn the five highest scores in that event. At the end of the contest, all of an entrant’s earned numerical scores are added together, and the overall contest winners are determined by who has the highest cumulative numerical score. 

 

I, um, sort of won the overall contest 

 

To be perfectly honest, I’m not quite sure how I feel about it. On one hand, the validation is wonderful  I’m definitely thrilled to have some impartial external confirmation that I am reasonably close to as good a writer as I think I am. But on the other hand, such validation takes away a lot of my excuses. If I am good enough to win something like this (and apparently I am) then I can’t really blame the quality of my craft for the fact that the writing career I have been fantasizing about for years still eludes me. Of course my skill can be improved — it will bear improvement for the rest of my life — but this contest shows that my own assessment of my writing is correct, that it is well above a certain quality threshold. My problem clearly doesn’t lie in my writing. If I want to be a full-time writer, I have the capability. What don’t I have? The discipline to finish things, the courage to submit them, the persistence to continue submitting them after they are rejected, and the overall fortitude of character that would let me continue on an uncertain financial path after so many years in the grad school grind. 

 

I don’t think I want to face any of this just yet, but it’s certainly food for some uncomfortable thought in the weeks to come. I am really going to have to take some time and reassess this whole concept later in the summer.

 

For now, though, I’m consciously and explicitly setting aside any decision-making requirements and leaving my hobbit hole behind for some adventures in the big wide world, as detailed in my next challenge here: Hobbit walking-party

 

Here’s to that #adventurerlife!