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Treva

ATLA: Treva vs the Fire Nation/Ozai

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LAST CHALLENGE OF MED SCHOOL!!!  Time to bring it all together and work on balancing school with training, life, and music.  Cue a bunch of Uncle Iroh Gifs about Finding Balance and Being a Good Human.

 

Related image

 

I am on my last rotation of medical school, and have some of my last playing gigs with this challenge, so I guess this is all a fitting conclusion.  Of note: I did match, and I matched to my #1 program, which I am REALLY EXCITED ABOUT GUYS. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I’m getting to stay (which I wanted).

 

I’ve got my base conditioning still under my belt, and I haven’t completely forgotten everything I’ve learned.  Probably in the best shape I’m going to be if I want to defeat the fire nation. Or, worst case scenario, post a bunch of Iroh Gifs about Tea


Image result for uncle iroh gifs

 

Firebending:

Image result for zuko redirects lightning gif

Music Practice 30 min daily

Daily Sword practice

Daily Yoga

 

Condition for battle:

Image result for zuko uncle iroh training gif

Strength training

Daily KB

Cardio

 

Physical Health:

Image result for mai atla fighting gif

Eat Healthy at any cost

Sleep 6-8 hours

Dessert Swap: less chocolate, find something else.

 

Uncle Iroh is The Ideal Mentor:

Image result for uncle iroh tea gif

HYDRATE.

Study for the final exam--daily if possible

Keep working on the Intern Survival Guide

Daily meditation

 

Guerilla warfare against the Fire Nation:

Spoiler

 

Go to graduation fair to make sure everything is set to go

Follow up with advising to make sure all graduation ducks are in a row

Email music bosses about change in rehearsal schedule

Set up for Fencing Lessons in the spring

Plan spring travel

Set up for Teaching Classes

Follow up with Financial Aid for Exit Interview  Go to Exit interview

Complete end of Med School Survey

Finish Crit Care course  course not active

Submit intern paperwork

Follow up on publication to ensure it will be published.

Submit taxes

Submit health forms    Get Vaccination forms as soon as available.

Follow up with additional hospital credentialing

Follow up with online courses

Do Final evals

Submit documents for housing

 

 

I’m using HabitBull to track my challenge (many thanks to @Toshimi who suggested it!  I really like it). okay, I splurged and got a premium account, because, well, I have no impulse control and couldn’t imagine myself trying to function on only 5 things.  I figure than it’s cheaper than a personal trainer or life coach.

 

Halfway Point: Conditions to survive Day of Black Sun: Greater than 50% of

Spoiler

 

Study Most Days: 75% completion  (no success)

Music Practice Most Days: 75% completion (3/30 84.6% success)

Meet Sleep Goals Most Days: 75% completion (3/30 86.7% success)

Eat Healthy: 75% completion (3/30 80% success)

1x/week Each Strength Day (3/30 100% success)

4x/week Cardio (3/30 100% success)

Daily KB

Daily Sword

Daily Yoga

Daily Meditation

Attend Graduation Fair

Submit paperwork

Follow up on publication

Follow up with advising

 

 

End of Challenge: Conditions to Defeat the Fire Nation and Fire Lord Ozai: Greater than 75% of

Spoiler

 

Music Practice Most Days: 75% completion

Meet Sleep Goals Almost Every Day: 85% completion

2x/week Each Strength Day  50%

5x/Week Cardio

Daily KB

Daily Sword

Daily Yoga

Daily Meditation  50%

Pass all courses: if not, find out what needs to be done in order to pass and ensure Graduation

Knock off all the other tasks on my list

 

 

 

Off we go!! 

 

And I may come back to post more uncle Iroh gifs...because...yeah I gotta.  

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Congratulations on getting into your #1 program!

 

Your goals look reasonable, for an over-busy med student level of reasonable. ;) I'm happy to see that you are giving yourself the flexibility of meeting some of them 75% of the time. Even that will be plenty challenging with the big things you have happening.

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On 3/17/2019 at 2:40 PM, Tzippi Longstockings said:

Novice waterbender here to follow, cheer you on, and remind you to hydrate!

 

Also to steal your Iroh gifs and leave you a bunch of Sokka ones.

giphy (1).gif

YUSS I am here for all of this and VERY EXCITED to have a waterbender aboard.

 

On 3/18/2019 at 11:04 AM, Toshimi said:

Glad Habit bull is working out! 

It is so helpful!! 

 

On 3/18/2019 at 11:14 AM, Mistr said:

Congratulations on getting into your #1 program!

 

Your goals look reasonable, for an over-busy med student level of reasonable. ;) I'm happy to see that you are giving yourself the flexibility of meeting some of them 75% of the time. Even that will be plenty challenging with the big things you have happening.

 

Thank you!! I was thinking I needed to be less rigid about my own goals and that I might have better success if I gave myself more flexibility.  Life is not perfect, so maybe my challenges shouldn't be either.

 

On 3/18/2019 at 10:04 PM, Teirin said:

Congrats on getting matched with your wanted program!!!

THANK!!!

 

On 3/19/2019 at 12:10 PM, sarakingdom said:

Good lookin' challenge you've got there, fellow Hotman.

#alltheAvatarChallenges

 

So far we are off to an okay start.

 

Firebending:

Yoga and swordwork are going great.  It has been hard to find the mental wherewithal to practice when I'm doing the reorientation around my shifts (going from evenings to nights to days is brutal on my sleep schedule).

 

Condition for battle:

I like using habitbull to keep track of what kind of exercises I have done so far.  It helps when I can only do certain things each day, so by the end of the week I can see if I've met my fitness goals.

 

Physical health:

Aside from the fact that I still have a lot of desserts lying around from match day, I've been going the extra mile to really make healthy lunches for myself, and getting creative with what I do have lying around to keep it healthy.  I have also been whacking myself with melatonin to make sure I get plenty of sleep, whether my anxious brain wants to or not.  It's been very helpful for resetting when I have to change shifts.

 

Uncle Iroh Mentorship:

I have been meditating daily, which I think is good for me.  I haven't done anything for the intern survival guide aside from record things during my rotation, and I've been studying for my final exam on and off.  My classmates and I haven't been sure how to study for it, so I may revert to just reading the recommended chapters and doing my best.

 

Guerrilla Warfare:

I did submit my internship paperwork today, and I've been working on some of the other final evals.  I'm glad I prioritized these, because there are so many things to do!  The only personal challenges right now are balancing all my music gigs and fending off all the suggestions with what I should be doing with my life.  With the music gigs, I think one of them is turning out to be more of a bust than anticipated, and I will probably drop it.  With the suggestions (i.e., many people saying I should have done emergency medicine and should reapply), I can't tell if it's because the people giving suggestions just want more physicians in their field, or if I actually am a better fit for other things.  Additionally, there's a lot of "You'll never have this much free time again, so you need to Fulfill Your Travel Goals Right Now".  Between the two, and me 1) not knowing what I should do with my life and 2) not wanting to do international travel without having pipe organ touring set up, I'm not sure how to respond to other people.  It is doing the thing it usually does to me, which is making me unmotivated, withdrawn, and depressed.  

 

I've really wanted to use my two months to sleep, rest, and take the time for the people, activities, and hobbies I enjoy rather than focusing on a big vacation.  I've wanted to get myself in good shape for intern year, even though people say there's no amount of preparation that's supposed to be helpful.  Since doing the opposite tends to work well for me, I'm inclined to stick by my guns and ignore everyone.

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8 minutes ago, Treva said:

Firebending:

Yoga and swordwork are going great.  It has been hard to find the mental wherewithal to practice when I'm doing the reorientation around my shifts (going from evenings to nights to days is brutal on my sleep schedule).

 

You are working rotating shifts?!? Those are horrible. I can't imagine you learning anything other than to avoid this specialty at all costs.

 

8 minutes ago, Treva said:

With the suggestions (i.e., many people saying I should have done emergency medicine and should reapply), I can't tell if it's because the people giving suggestions just want more physicians in their field, or if I actually am a better fit for other things.  Additionally, there's a lot of "You'll never have this much free time again, so you need to Fulfill Your Travel Goals Right Now".  Between the two, and me 1) not knowing what I should do with my life and 2) not wanting to do international travel without having pipe organ touring set up, I'm not sure how to respond to other people.  It is doing the thing it usually does to me, which is making me unmotivated, withdrawn, and depressed.  

 

I've really wanted to use my two months to sleep, rest, and take the time for the people, activities, and hobbies I enjoy rather than focusing on a big vacation.  I've wanted to get myself in good shape for intern year, even though people say there's no amount of preparation that's supposed to be helpful.  Since doing the opposite tends to work well for me, I'm inclined to stick by my guns and ignore everyone.

 

You got your first choice match, right? So why are these people second guessing both you and the selection committee?

 

Sure, you could be great at more than one type of medicine. You got along well on several of your rotations. That does not mean that they all get to be first choice. People are not respecting your autonomy. Not what you'd expect when they think you can make life-or-death decisions for your patients.

 

I hear a certain amount of envy in people suggesting you travel NOW. As if you will never get to take another long vacation again. Heck, if you are so inclined, you can set up a working sabbatical in another country later. Or plan a long vacation after your residency. Your idea of a vacation might involve hiking to a remote spot and camping far from the bustle of civilization. Just because they want to travel does not place any obligation on you. Stick to your guns about how you use your time.

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On 3/20/2019 at 10:18 PM, Teirin said:

Mistr always has the best advice :-)

THIS IS SO TRUE ermergerd

 

 

On 3/20/2019 at 4:30 PM, Mistr said:

 

You are working rotating shifts?!? Those are horrible. I can't imagine you learning anything other than to avoid this specialty at all costs.

Yes....the reason why my update isn't happening until tonight is because last week I went from evening to overnight, overnight, morning lecture, morning, morning, overnight.  So I matched...and then had a helluva work week.  As cool as the ER is, my body is refusing to adhere to this schedule.  It's just not into it.

 

On 3/20/2019 at 4:30 PM, Mistr said:

You got your first choice match, right? So why are these people second guessing both you and the selection committee?

 

Sure, you could be great at more than one type of medicine. You got along well on several of your rotations. That does not mean that they all get to be first choice. People are not respecting your autonomy. Not what you'd expect when they think you can make life-or-death decisions for your patients.

 

I hear a certain amount of envy in people suggesting you travel NOW. As if you will never get to take another long vacation again. Heck, if you are so inclined, you can set up a working sabbatical in another country later. Or plan a long vacation after your residency. Your idea of a vacation might involve hiking to a remote spot and camping far from the bustle of civilization. Just because they want to travel does not place any obligation on you. Stick to your guns about how you use your time.

You are, as usual, very right.  I think they are making the suggestions because you're right, I could be good at more than one kind of medicine.  and I do have things about me that would be good for ER work--I like procedures, complicated patients, and I'm not afraid to work with ugly situations.  It would be good to have respect for my own autonomy, although I think there's a certain level of "you're still a med student."  I am still embracing it, but knowing that you are right--I have to learn to make life or death decisions, or, rather I have to make decision at some point.  I am learning my indecisiveness comes from me making a decision, and always having someone behind me telling me why it's wrong, or why there is another one that is better. 

 

Re: vacations--those were my thoughts exactly.  There is always a way to get a vacation if I need one.  I can always take a break, especially if I find a way to pay off my loans quickly.  I was told if you live frugally as an attending for a few years, you can easily pay them of in three years or less.  Between you and my mom, I don't think I have any choice but to stick to my guns.  she's helping me plan a nice trip out west, where I can stay with people we know and visit places where I have friends.  I may even try to get a lesson with one of my old teachers who is still out there.

 

 

MONSTER UPDATE TIME

so I love habit bull, because without it I wouldn't have been able to keep track of anything.  GOODNESS I AM TIRED.  Heavens to betsy.  where are the eye creams.  Help.  I don't have enough fancy skincare samples to make my skin survive this.  There is some serious shop therapy going to happen at the end of this rotation.

 

Firebending: 

Music--5/7

Daily sword--2/7

Daily yoga--4/7

Obvi, need more sword.  This will improve hopefully in the next two months, since mom and dad are supportive of me going back to fencing lessons.  I think.  The music practice has been going well; my bosses have been understanding about my stage fright, and have encouraged me to play more, not less.  This is very helpful, and I'm excited to put it into practice in the next two months.

 

Condition for Battle

Strength Ax2, Bx2, Cx1

Cardio 4/7

Daily KB 5/7

Technically I'm meeting all my goals for Day of Black Sun, so while there's room for improvement, I'm happy with this.  The other big progress marker I made this week was being able to jump up to do a commando pull up.  It made me feel like the biggest badass, and if you told me when I started nerdfitness I'd get to that point, I'd have smacked you silly.  

 

Physical health

Eat healthy: 6/7

Sleep 6-8 hours: 6/7  I actually did shockingly well given my schedule.  my body wasn't happy, but we survived.  Mostly on melatonin and caffeinated tea.  I still looked like death at the end of the week and my attendings were worried I was falling asleep on my feet.  I'm not sure most of them realized I had just matched and my body was still catching up to reality.

Dessert Swap:5/7  I have discovered putting marmelade on nonfat vanilla greek yogurt.  I cannot be stopped.  this was my brain after 24 hours awake with only a 2 hour nap and honestly, good heavens that brain forgets what cholangitis is but heckin heck can it cook.  

 

Uncle Iroh

Meditate: 3/7

Study for the final exam 1/7

Make the intern guide 0/7

Hydrate: 5/7

So this is clearly where the most work needs to be done.  I started the week off strong, and then fell off the wagon.  Time to get back on it again this week.  Intern survival guide stuff will happen probably closer towards intern year (end of may/june), so I may take that off of my challenge for this month.  

Religious stuff below the cut

Spoiler

Instead of going to the church that's closer with more convenient times (but is not as theologically/spiritually in line with me), I've been either attending, or listening to broadcasts of services from churches that have the community and religious approach closer to my own.  That has made an unexpectedly positive impact on my life.  I miss getting to sing and do the worship stuff I like to do, but it's been better to stick it out with the communities I know well and are in line with my goals, than to take the convenient thing.  I didn't realize I was doing the religious equivalent of convenient fast food, but now that I've quit it and gone for the wholesome sustainably sourced stuff, I can't go back. 

 

I might supplement meditation or the Uncle Iroh section of this challenge with listening to sermons or prior broadcasts from the places I like to go.  I feel like there's some space for me to do post-med-school emotional rehab.

 

One challenge I see in the future is after this week, I'm heading Home home for a while, where I don't have a gym membership.  I may talk to my parents about getting one, since I'll be there on and off for two months and don't want to lose these gainz. 

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Yay for surviving your ER rotation!

 

You have done a great job of meeting your goals with the constraints of a horrible schedule.

 

I hope you find a decent place to work out near your parent's house. Absolutely you want to keep making those gainz. The trip out west sounds like fun. I thought about doing the great western tour when I graduated. Still hasn't happened.

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On 3/26/2019 at 9:10 PM, Treva said:

Dessert Swap:5/7  I have discovered putting marmelade on nonfat vanilla greek yogurt.  I cannot be stopped.

 

0.o  Respect to your brain.  In general, and on this as well.  That is a fantastic idea. 

 

Excellent update :-)

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On 3/29/2019 at 5:28 PM, Mistr said:

Yay for surviving your ER rotation!

 

You have done a great job of meeting your goals with the constraints of a horrible schedule.

 

I hope you find a decent place to work out near your parent's house. Absolutely you want to keep making those gainz. The trip out west sounds like fun. I thought about doing the great western tour when I graduated. Still hasn't happened.

Thanks!! this has been a very bad schedule; I'm still catching up on sleep.  It's been a wild ride, and I am certainly tired.

 

I hope so too.  I'm going to talk to them tonight or tomorrow about what coming back home for a few months will look like.  I do need to do some planning, with the trip and with fencing classes.  I do want to go back; I think it would be fun for me to do, and if I get enough of the basics back, I can probably continue during intern year on my days off.

 

16 minutes ago, Teirin said:

 

0.o  Respect to your brain.  In general, and on this as well.  That is a fantastic idea. 

 

Excellent update :-)

This is what happens when my brain is tired and has been watching a lot of Lords and Ladles for survival.  

Many thanks

 

 

Also I just realized: This week ish marks the three year anniversary of my starting on nerdfitness.  Three whole years!!! 

Image result for toph gif what

 

I may actually have to start posting progress pictures. 

here are some new things I can do since one year ago.

1. Getting big chores done during the week so I don't get behind or have to use all my free time for them

2. use melatonin and relaxation techniques for better sleep hygiene

3. coerce myself into random acts of practicing to just get it done (in public or in private)

4. COMMANDO PULL UPS (from jumping up)

5. one legged squats

6. one legged balances on a bosu ball platform

7. found a way to embrace baroque music and instruments

8. learned to say no more often, and with a little bit more grace

9.  Stood up for myself on rounds, and speaking up more frequently to my residents

10. drove in the snow

11. more body positive days than body negative days

12. Found more ways to make healthy choices easier for myself.  

 

Image result for avatar swords gif

 

So early this week was a bit of a bust, given my shifts and how many papers I had to do.  I did end up taking Intern Survival Guide out of my challenge, because I think that's going to be an organic project that happens over several months.  With that out of the way, technically as long as I do cardio and ballet tomorrow (which I have plenty of time to do) I made Day of Black Sun goals so far for this challenge! 

Not only that, but my initial feedback for my last rotation was very positive, and I know I did well on the end of block test (we talked about it afterwards, so I have a good sense of how I did).  It was very very helpful to have  taken my Step 2 before this, and to have basically...well, be at the end of my school-based training.  I'm supposed to know some things, like, you know, how to do a primary survey, or that if there's no lung on the x-ray, it's probably a pneumothorax.

It is nice to be able to meet those goals, even though I've been really tired and not feeling well all the time.  I want to see if I can finish the rest of the tasks, but that's pretty exciting and gif worthy. 

A bonus was that I was finishing up my workout and doing my pull ups to almost failure when I recognized an old classmate who'd given me trouble in the past.  Definitely caught her staring at me cranking out some reps.  It was a pretty cool feeling to know I had gone from the friend she'd delegated as a cat among sailor scouts to one of the few girls at the gym who can do any sort of pull up. 

Image result for avatar swords gif

 

I'm also debating whether or not I need a gym.  The only equipment I'd go there for would be a chain belt, and the right handlebars for my pull ups. There's a regular pull up bar at home for me to do weighted hangs, pushups can be done anywhere, I've got my own kettlebells,  yoga blocks for platforms, and resistance bands for my ballet day.  

The belt is about as much money as the serum I just got for my face.  If I invest in my own, then I can almost gym anywhere, save for the right kind of pull up grips.

 

Related image

 

As always, thank you guys for being so supportive through this journey, which is continuing, for probably ever.  You are a great community of people, and I like reading your challenges and appreciate when you post on mine.  

Image result for uncle iroh while it is always best to believe in oneself gif

Thanks ya'll.

 

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My Med school professors: Pipe organ?  But you gave that up, right?

Me, back to back crushing both my last med school final and a high church shrine mass: I'm sorry I literally can't hear you over the sound of this instrument.  

Image result for zuko dragon gif

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23 hours ago, Teirin said:

*Awesome*.  Go you!

Thanks!

 

Starting off the new week right by getting myself to the gym this morning before traveling home.  Got through my S&S and arm day, with the assumption that all the traveling will help me meet my step goals, and that if I don't, getting this body the opportunity to rest will do as much for me as working off calories.

 

Since I'm finally away from school, I'm going to take a half-way-through but also everything-so-far look at my areas of health

Spoiler


Firebending:

Music practice going well.  I think my strategy of do what you can, when you can, regardless of what it is, worked out well

Sword: not as much, would help to have practice partners.

Yoga: I'm getting better at this, I just need to be more intentional about taking the time to do it.

 

Conditioning for Battle:

S&S: I'm not doing it every day, but I'm doing it most days.  I could be better about it, I think I'm scared I'll lose grip of the bell and throw it through a wall!  

Strength Training: I love my strength training, so I don't miss it when I don't have to.  I think I'm ready to get back to two times a week strength training, as long as I can sleep

Cardio: I get lazy about this.  I think I just get through my strength training and S&S and am just too tired to do other things.

Overall, I think recovering and getting more sleep will help.  I don't think I'll have this much of a problem in the future, because I won't have to change around my shifts as badly.

 

Physical Health

Eat Healthy: I'm struggling with this right now.  I'm chronically tired, which makes me chronically hungry.  the last week in particular I noticed an uptick in salty/crunchy and sweet/ice cream cravings.  I caught it before I went down for the second bag of chips (the small ones, promise!), and grabbed cheese instead, but I'm realizing it could get out of control soon.  Going to be working on diet stuff this week

Sleep 6-8 hours: I am finally getting back to this, and also realizing that it doesn't matter how many hours I spend in bed, if it's not high quality sleep (between 9 PM and 8 AM), it may not do what I need it to do.

Dessert Swap: I'm glad I've been doing this, at least a little bit.  nonfat greek yogurt +/- marmalade has been my savior these last few weeks, and if I'm desperate my bar of 70% dark is always there fore me.  It's keeping me away from the Kodiak brownies and ice cream in the freezer, which I had previously been going for.

 

Uncle Iroh

Meditate: still not doing enough of this.  Not even close.  I think I just sit on the floor and fall asleep.

Studying: I am going to do a litle bit more with the intern survival guide once I'm with my supplies.  I've been a little tired...again.

Hydrate: doing LOTS of this.  Very proud of myself for all the hydrating.  

 

 

The short version: I am really tired, and so I have low will power, so it's hard to put in the effort to eat right, meditate, or do some of the more strenuous parts of my lifestyle.  Eating healthy is especially hard for me right now.  Mostly I'm just confused by having by scale gained five pounds over the last week, which I didn't think was happening.  I can do pull ups and one legged squats and all these things I could never do before, so I'm not sure why I either weigh the same as when I started working out a few years ago, or weigh more.  

In any case, I'm making up my lists of foods I can make for next year to help me get a variety while staying on plan, and a list of fitness equipment I might invest in to make sure I stay on target with my goals.

 

Image result for uncle iroh failure is an opportunity gif

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Wow okay guess who's been at home either asleep or eating for the past week?

Me.  Definitely me.  I did not account for needing to physically rest from All The School when I embarked on this challenge.  I am wondering if it might be wise to extend the challenge through the scheduled rest week.  

 

In other news, I am continuing to discover, and rediscover, the fact that, uh, well.  I'm not so nice to myself when I don't sleep.  I think I am a little kinder on my brainspace when I do.  

I still haven't set up for fencing lessons yet, mostly because I need to figure out if I have a means to get there, and if my roommate will practice with me if I get any better.  Moving apace on making sure I'm all set to graduate.

 

I have been thinking lots about my body image stupid stuff.  

Spoiler

I could sit around and punish my body to get it to look like something on a magazine, but I would be miserable, not thinking straight, and it would be less good.  Or, I could keep trying to embrace the stuff I got, and train based on the type I have.  I did previously think my body wasn't capable of upper body strength feats, like pull ups, but I'm starting to feel like that's a limit I can push.  

I keep forgetting that I am well within the limits of a healthy BMI, and that my diet is pretty good.  If I have a steady schedule and access I get to the gym 4-5x/week, which is probably pretty healthy.  I forget that as a med student, doing that and keeping up my music is a lot to handle.  My parents keep reminding me that getting any of that done is a big deal.

Post match fallout has also gotten more into what's my best versus what's the best, and best-ranked-doesn't-mean-best-training type of deal.  My best may be never getting below 22% body fat and never really being great at cardio, but I have other things I can be good at, and other limits I can push.  I may never be a cathedral organist, but I can be a really good one who still plays big spaces now and again.  I may never work at mass gen, but I can work other places that might make me happier.  I may never be the prettiest belle at the ball but I can still make a statement with my fashion if I want to.

 

Image result for uncle iroh gif

 

Spoiler WITHIN a spoiler for those who don't want more of my musings on emotions.

Spoiler

Additional fallout includes I am also in a place where I actually don't want to date anybody right now.  I kind of want to focus on myself a little bit without the distractions of school.  I've had a string of Not Great Dudes in my social sphere, and now that they're out I'd like to detox.  I also don't want to deal with all the BS that comes with dating.  I don't need a manchild to take care of, I don't need the drama of "why didn't you text me" after a long day with likely multiple codes, and after hearing many women I know complain about their husbands/s.o.'s/boyfriends, I don't feel particularly motivated to find one myself.  Maybe I'm focusing on the negative, but I'm not sure the positives I've heard about outweigh them.  Right now relationships feel very overrated, and the concept of another guy trying to get close to me makes me feel ill.  I'm tired of feeling used, and I have little interest in putting myself in a position where that could happen again.

So uh, romance as a thing that could actually happen to me is not a thing right now.  I'm open to that changing, I just needed to say it somewhere I wouldn't get told to go make an okcupid profile.

 

 

 

I've been doing some practicing (about to do more now), and I've been working on making sure I eat healthy stuff

 

Been falling down a bit on fitness, meditation, that sort of thing.  I did look at fitness equipment today at the store and realized I have most of the gear I need, and it would be cheaper to order the belt I'm interested in online.  I also found home is not going to be a good place to do my hangs or pull ups because the bar we have isn't high enough (har har har).  I will want to bring home my kettlebells, though, and I can get creative with those for more pull workouts.  I could...also...go to the park like an adult once it gets a little warmer.  Next week looks great for some outdoor training. 

 

Related image

 

On the not training note, I am really, really tired.  I've been falling asleep on random pieces of furniture and repeating myself.  BUT! I did splurge and get myself some assassins creed swag, because I love assassin's creed and you can't stop me okay I am part of the brotherhood until I die.  Yeah.  

 

One of my favorite uncle iroh moments for all yalls

Image result for uncle iroh gif

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23 hours ago, Treva said:

Wow okay guess who's been at home either asleep or eating for the past week?

Me.  Definitely me.  I did not account for needing to physically rest from All The School when I embarked on this challenge.  I am wondering if it might be wise to extend the challenge through the scheduled rest week.  

 

In other news, I am continuing to discover, and rediscover, the fact that, uh, well.  I'm not so nice to myself when I don't sleep.  I think I am a little kinder on my brainspace when I do.  

I still haven't set up for fencing lessons yet, mostly because I need to figure out if I have a means to get there, and if my roommate will practice with me if I get any better.  Moving apace on making sure I'm all set to graduate.

 

Yes. You've been driving yourself like a maniac for the last couple years. No surprise that you need a lot of sleep. Plus your last rotation was one long exercise in sleep deprivation. Just do the critical things for graduation and planning your trips. Your exercise goals can wait until the next challenge rolls around.

 

23 hours ago, Treva said:

I have been thinking lots about my body image stupid stuff.  

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I could sit around and punish my body to get it to look like something on a magazine, but I would be miserable, not thinking straight, and it would be less good.  Or, I could keep trying to embrace the stuff I got, and train based on the type I have.  I did previously think my body wasn't capable of upper body strength feats, like pull ups, but I'm starting to feel like that's a limit I can push.  

I keep forgetting that I am well within the limits of a healthy BMI, and that my diet is pretty good.  If I have a steady schedule and access I get to the gym 4-5x/week, which is probably pretty healthy.  I forget that as a med student, doing that and keeping up my music is a lot to handle.  My parents keep reminding me that getting any of that done is a big deal.

Post match fallout has also gotten more into what's my best versus what's the best, and best-ranked-doesn't-mean-best-training type of deal.  My best may be never getting below 22% body fat and never really being great at cardio, but I have other things I can be good at, and other limits I can push.  I may never be a cathedral organist, but I can be a really good one who still plays big spaces now and again.  I may never work at mass gen, but I can work other places that might make me happier.  I may never be the prettiest belle at the ball but I can still make a statement with my fashion if I want to.

 

All of this is great. There is no earthly reason why you should want to match someone else's ideal of beauty or success. Aside from the fact that women are pressured constantly to be insecure about their appearance so that they will buy beauty products and clothes. Schools also have a strangely distorted view of the real world. Med schools say that they want to train more primary care doctors, then they look down their noses at them. My grad school had this crazy attitude that everyone wanted to grow up to be university professors. Because that was what they did, so that has to be the best job ever, right? I am very happy you are thinking for yourself on these issues.

 

Spoiler WITHIN a spoiler for those who don't want more of my musings on emotions.

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Additional fallout includes I am also in a place where I actually don't want to date anybody right now.  I kind of want to focus on myself a little bit without the distractions of school.  I've had a string of Not Great Dudes in my social sphere, and now that they're out I'd like to detox.  I also don't want to deal with all the BS that comes with dating.  I don't need a manchild to take care of, I don't need the drama of "why didn't you text me" after a long day with likely multiple codes, and after hearing many women I know complain about their husbands/s.o.'s/boyfriends, I don't feel particularly motivated to find one myself.  Maybe I'm focusing on the negative, but I'm not sure the positives I've heard about outweigh them.  Right now relationships feel very overrated, and the concept of another guy trying to get close to me makes me feel ill.  I'm tired of feeling used, and I have little interest in putting myself in a position where that could happen again.

So uh, romance as a thing that could actually happen to me is not a thing right now.  I'm open to that changing, I just needed to say it somewhere I wouldn't get told to go make an okcupid profile.

 

Smart choice. You are going to be under a LOT of time pressure during your internship year. Not conducive to starting a new relationship. When you are done with your training you might decide to take a job in another city. Also not good for relationships. One of my MD friends ended up getting divorced because she and her spouse could not find jobs in their respective specialties in the same city. They still loved each other, but they did not want to have a long-distance relationship indefinately. You have plenty of other things to spend your time and energy on over the next couple years.

 

I've been doing some practicing (about to do more now), and I've been working on making sure I eat healthy stuff

 

Been falling down a bit on fitness, meditation, that sort of thing.  I did look at fitness equipment today at the store and realized I have most of the gear I need, and it would be cheaper to order the belt I'm interested in online.  I also found home is not going to be a good place to do my hangs or pull ups because the bar we have isn't high enough (har har har).  I will want to bring home my kettlebells, though, and I can get creative with those for more pull workouts.  I could...also...go to the park like an adult once it gets a little warmer.  Next week looks great for some outdoor training. 

 

Related image

 

On the not training note, I am really, really tired.  I've been falling asleep on random pieces of furniture and repeating myself.  BUT! I did splurge and get myself some assassins creed swag, because I love assassin's creed and you can't stop me okay I am part of the brotherhood until I die.  Yeah.  

 

You are taking the steps to keep up your training. Give yourself permission to rest and recover. You've done a huge thing. Congratulations!

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RE:  Spoiler stuff -  ALL the hugs.  You are doing good and you absolutely need to put yourself first.  You are doing more than most to take care of yourself and you're doing it on top of a very heavy load already designed to stress-test people. 

 

Get ALL the sleep.  You need and deserve it. 

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On 4/5/2019 at 6:39 PM, Mistr said:

Yes. You've been driving yourself like a maniac for the last couple years. No surprise that you need a lot of sleep. Plus your last rotation was one long exercise in sleep deprivation. Just do the critical things for graduation and planning your trips. Your exercise goals can wait until the next challenge rolls around.

Yes.  Well.  I didn't slow down enough, and my body did the usual thing which was make me pay for it.  It was an emotional and a physical crash all at once and I do not recommend it to anyone.  I came down with something gross over the weekend, and am starting to come out of it.  I was halfway through arm day and realized I wasn't well enough to do cardio.  Been a bit bedridden, had more fascinating mind revelations.

 

On 4/7/2019 at 3:24 PM, Teirin said:

RE:  Spoiler stuff -  ALL the hugs.  You are doing good and you absolutely need to put yourself first.  You are doing more than most to take care of yourself and you're doing it on top of a very heavy load already designed to stress-test people. 

 

Get ALL the sleep.  You need and deserve it. 

Many thanks, Teirin, I deeply appreciate it.  I appreciate the hugs and the reminders that I am doing the things that you have said.  I forget that it's supposed to be hard.

Boy, am I sleeping.  I can follow that order.  

Thank you.

 

Spoiler
On 4/5/2019 at 6:39 PM, Mistr said:

All of this is great. There is no earthly reason why you should want to match someone else's ideal of beauty or success. Aside from the fact that women are pressured constantly to be insecure about their appearance so that they will buy beauty products and clothes. Schools also have a strangely distorted view of the real world. Med schools say that they want to train more primary care doctors, then they look down their noses at them. My grad school had this crazy attitude that everyone wanted to grow up to be university professors. Because that was what they did, so that has to be the best job ever, right? I am very happy you are thinking for yourself on these issues.

 

 

Thank you for saying this, especially with regards to appearance and primary care/success in an academic field.  Thinking for myself and going against the grain has certainly gotten exhausting.  Part of my weekend blechs were probably due to realizing that I thought I'd been fighting lots of head gremlins, when in reality they were all the same "I'm not good enough" gremlin.  I didn't realize it was one thing that was the cause of a lot of these other issues, like not feeling pretty or intelligent.  (I know, now it seems totally obvious, but it was a big deal for me this weekend!).  So that was a bit crazy on the brain, and I am adjusting to the new worldview as best I can.  I'm certainly less angry at my body than I used to be, and I think I have a healthier view of what relationships are supposed to be, with some residual anger at the people who told me I wasn't pretty enough.

 

On 4/5/2019 at 6:39 PM, Mistr said:

 

Smart choice. You are going to be under a LOT of time pressure during your internship year. Not conducive to starting a new relationship. When you are done with your training you might decide to take a job in another city. Also not good for relationships. One of my MD friends ended up getting divorced because she and her spouse could not find jobs in their respective specialties in the same city. They still loved each other, but they did not want to have a long-distance relationship indefinately. You have plenty of other things to spend your time and energy on over the next couple years.

 

 

Thank you.  The reinforcement is really valuable, against everyone else and my own head gremlins. I feel much better about still saying no to dating sites.  That is a sad story about the divorce.  I've unfortunately heard things like that, or where couples live apart for months at a time, and that seems very sad to me and not like the type of relationship I would thrive in.  I like to live under the fairytale delusion that if you do what you love, you end up with people you love.  Maybe that'll work out, maybe it won't, but I will definitely do more damage to myself actively attempting to date during intern year.  Yet again, not going to sacrifice the work fora relationship I don't have.

I have also picked up reading romance novels, which has been a brilliant life decision.  Not a substitution, but a good distraction from the "this won't happen" fears.  It's a decent stopgap, although I know I can't keep substituting books and video games for people indefinitely.  

 

 

tl;dr I understand my own impostor syndrome now!  And when I had the emotional whiplash from it I didn't have any friends to talk to (seven cups of tea to the rescue).  I don't expect my friends to be on call, but it did hurt a little bit that after being available when my friends need me, I didn't have anyone when I needed to talk.  I am glad I found a way to get myself back up, and to reach out in other ways.

Image result for uncle iroh friends gif

Anyways, I'm going to postpone and continue this challenge starting Monday of next week and go through to the 27th, heck or high water.  I will at some point make a decision about whether I'll continue this same thread, or start a new one when this challenge ends.  Getting sick is my body's way of telling me I have to stop.  However, it meant I was able to get a lot of my paperwork and "guerilla warfare" done.

I have also been reading BUCKETS of books, which has been delightful.  

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1 hour ago, Teirin said:

Oooohhh what are you reading?

Anno Dracula, A Study in Silks, The Kitchen as Laboratory are my current!  Next up immediately are Libromancer, finishing the Bone Museum, and The Rook has been sitting on my shelf for a while.  I've been looking at Hexbound for my next romance novel, and I've heard What a Wallflower Wants is pretty good.  I've got a ton more on my shelves to attack too.  

I'm trying to keep a balance between mindless fun reads, engrossing sci fi/fantasy, and science-y type stuff.  

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Ack haven't even brought this one up but I've started learning to cross stitch.  It's actually really fun, and I think it'll be a good way to relax/make christmas gifts hella freakin early.

 

Also, does anyone know much about t-shirt quilts?

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4 hours ago, Treva said:

Also, does anyone know much about t-shirt quilts?

 

A little. I have one all cut up in pieces but not pieced together yet. I decided to use iron on backing for it to help stabilize it but I've read you dont have to (it just sounded scary not to) not sure when I'm going to get to the rest of the project though. 

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Nice!  Libromancer was generally good. 

 

Cross-stitching is fun.  There are some great patterns out there.  I have one for the Metropolis movie poster that I will do some day.

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