Battle Log - For Accountability

[musicalgal123]

So... I've attempted to focus on my health numerous times over and over. And, I've pretty much always failed. It's definitely not helpful in any way at all. But I'm watching myself getting incredibly unhealthy. I'm watching my body start to fail me. I'm only thirty years old. My body may be disabled but it shouldn't be failing to the level that it is. So... I really desperately need to fix this. I need to get healthy. On so many levels. If I don't, I'm going to die young and that's literally something I don't want at all.

 

Starting point - I have the following list of diagnosis: Ehlors Danlos Syndrome - Hypermobile Type, Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome, Raynaud's Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, ADHD - Inattentive Type, OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm also around 200 pounds and only 5'3" with very little muscle and almost all fat.

So, I'm starting to try and desperately get healthy. I am using the Nerd Fitness Academy. I'm starting through the mind set portions and took my photos today. Measurements will happen tomorrow morning. So yeah... we're trying to get started on this because I don't want 30 to become the new 60.

[musicalgal123]

Day two - A note, if it looks like I'm going through the NF Academy and using this as a recording space while I go, I am. It made sense to me for now. I'm looking for other ways to be held accountable on a more personal level, but this is a start. I'm going through the mindset portion so setting things up and making sure they're all written down.

 

Measurements complete. 193.4 pounds. I also recorded my physical size in cm. I'm gonna probably build some kind of tracker in Google Drive (because that place is my life right now).

 

Why am I doing this -

• I'm afraid I'm going to die young. My health is awful. I'm terrified I'm going to die young. I'm afraid my partners (yes you read that correctly) will suddenly get a phone call going "she had a heart attack" and God, I don't want that. I don't want that at all. I don't want to die. Not yet.
• I hate my body. I'm working on that in therapy because a bunch of my body hatred comes from having chronic illness and chronic pain and hormone issues. I'm addressing that. I'm changing how I dress to learn to be more comfortable with it. But, I still hate my body and I can at least do something about that. So I am.

My Goal - I am someone who will be 125 lbs, healthy, and confident in her body.

 

Current tiny wins - 3 aimed for the physical healthy (125 lbs and healthy) and 2 on the emotional healthy/confident in my body part.

• I will go for a fifteen minute (or more) walk at least 3 days a week for the month of April.
• I will drink at least 8 cups of water (or more) at least 3 days a week for the month of April.
• I will limit fast food to once a week or less for the month of April.
• I will spend at least 15 minutes (or more) doing something I enjoy every day in April.
• I will find at least one part of my body to be genuinely happy with every day in April.

For motivation, a lot of healthy rewards for me are hobby based. Getting more craft supplies. Buying albums off iTunes. Buying books that I want. I'll stick with this smaller list because it's less expensive than me buying a bunch of video games. So, my loot options for April are -

• 3 April little wins equals any one of the listed loot items.
• All 5 April little wins equals any two of the listed loot items (and yes, they can be doubled up, so two skeins of yarn or two albums from iTunes is acceptable).
• Every 10 pound mark can equal one additional listed loot item (because that's a big deal for me at least)

Environment updates I can make to help make this actually happen. These should be revisited for May.

• Since my biggest fast food enemy is Dunkin Donuts during breakfast, I can making sure my breakfast supplies are out and ready to go. This way I'm not falling back into that habit of stopping for fast food but making a conscious food choice instead.
• I can grab and label one of the water bottles in my house and keep it out and ready to go. This will help me keep track of my water intake. 
• I will keep things I like within easy access in my living room. This keeps them within reach and ready to go for me so I can spend time doing things I enjoy. Self care keeps my head healthy which in turn can help me learn to love myself.
• I will keep my hiking boots out of my closet. I wear my hiking boots when I purposefully go walking. The rest of the time, I have easy access to my cane and when I'm purposefully walking, I try not to use my cane. My boots have my specialized inserts in them and provide a lot of support. By keeping them out, they're ready to go so I'm moving more often.
• I will stop carrying cash. If I don't carry cash, then I force myself to go inside the fast food place. If I carry cash, then I'll often use a drive through. If I don't have access to the drive through, then I have a better chance of not falling back into this habit.
• I will stop buying myself sugary drinks. If I don't have them in the house, I'll drink water when I'm thirsty instead of sugary drinks.

[musicalgal123]

So, I've reached the lesson in the Academy for "Ain't Nobody Got Time for That."

 

I'm going to try tracking some of the things I do that are more time waster things over, on top of switching the phrase "I don't have time for that" to "It's not a priority." So, we'll see how that goes.

 

I also officially joined the NF Academy FB group for women folk. So, hopefully that helps too cause it's more support. Tomorrow should also be good for my building trackers for my little wins to start tracking them in April, though I've already started focusing on the water one. I've been drinking it more and was low enough on the other things I drank in place of water that I just finished them off. They're gone, so I just won't buy more. I have my fun things in easy access (my spinning wheel, knitting, coloring books, piano, and chainmaille supplies). I have a water bottle going for my constant water refills. So, I've already got some of my environmental changes done.

Here's trying and getting my life together, one piece at a time.

[musicalgal123]

Okay, so been working on switching my language from "I don't have time for that" to "It's not a priority." I know and tracked that I spend a LOT of time on Facebook and Netflix. These do not surprise me. So I'm going to try and use that to my advantage and start putting in a little more specific times for planned movement and such (like my fifteen minute walks).

I read through the sleep article in the mindset section of the academy today. I'm lucky I have some pretty solid sleep schedules. I tend to go to bed around 10 and get up between 6 and 7. So I'm getting a solid 8 hours a night. I also tend to start waking up before my alarm goes off at 7. This really helps. I have a technique I use to clear my mind before bed every night (a counting backwards by threes technique). So for the quests related to this module, I need to work on practicing a sleep journal. I'll record it here, to make things easy. And go to bed by a certain time every night. I'll aim for 11 to give me some wiggle room for the nights that 10 is a tad tough (especially because it'll still give me a solid 8 hours).

 

I can do this.

 

As for my mini goals: I'm drinking water right now (yay). I didn't go for a walk today, but that's okay. I did not engage in Fast Food today. I ate out, but it was at a Deli and I made conscious decisions about my food choices while there (such as loading the wrap with veggies). It wasn't Dunkin, my biggest vice. So, I'm giving myself the point there. I also actively and truly complemented my body today (my hair is on point, yo!) and as soon as I'm done with some homework, I'm gonna spend 15 minutes coloring or knitting while watching tv (the coloring/knitting being the key important part as it's something I enjoy and find relaxing). So, that's a really good start for the mini goals in my first day of April.

 

I can do this.

[musicalgal123]

Sleep journal entry 1 -

Yesterday, I woke up around 7:30. I actually got out of bed closer to 9. I did not hit snooze, but I also did not have an alarm set at all. I actually watched very little television yesterday, which is good. Though I did have quite a bit of screen time that was NOT productive. Probably a good 3 hours spread out through the day, including when heading to bed. I finally went to bed at about midnight, which is not the plan I had in mind. I did sit in bed for about 20 minutes or so on facebook before falling asleep, but once I actually tried to fall asleep, I was out really quickly. I'm not too upset about going to bed after my planned time. I was legit working on something important and not just facebook scrolling til about 10:30. But, I definitely have some work to do on getting better sleep.

 

I started in on my "20 seconds of courage" thing and finally started looking for a dentist. Long story short, my previous dentist is the reason I'm terrified to go to any dentist. I know I have some issues with my teeth that need to be worked on. I know that fixing your teeth and gums can help your overall health. But I'm severely phobic now. I started looking for a dentist this morning to finally deal with the hole in my tooth. So, that's pretty big.

[musicalgal123]

Sleep Journal Entry 2 -

Yesterday, I woke up around 7:30 and did not hit snooze. I relaxed in bed for a bit and finally got up and moving around 9 am. I watched no television yesterday, though I did have non-productive screen time, it wasn't right before bed. I was a tad late on the 11:00 time and actually went to bed for 11:30. I had my rehearsal and didn't get home til 11 because I spent time after rehearsal catching up with an old friend (which, as far as I'm concerned, totally counts towards the at least 15 minutes a day doing something that makes me happy).  I had no screen time right before bed, I just passed out cold.

 

As for how I did on my goals yesterday? I got a solid start to my water intake but then forgot to have more, oops. I tried though. I also didn't get out and walk for at least fifteen minutes. This is the hardest one for me to get started on so far. I did genuinely love my outfit yesterday. It felt very much more like me and I've been trying to find work clothes where I still feel like my punk self. I also did go to Subway, but I'm counting it towards not having fast food because I went in and made very conscious food choices as opposed to going to Dunkin and getting way too many sweets because it's quick and through the drive through. That's my biggest thing with the fast food. It's making sure I'm making conscious food choices. You know?

So far today, my water intake has been going well. Very likely going to get that 8 cups in. Haven't succeeded at the walking, but loved that my tattoo was visible today and that felt really good and gave me some confidence while at work. No fast food at all today. Everything was home chosen and packed. Later tonight I'll make sure to grab some fun time in.

[musicalgal123]

Haven't responded much because I haven't been home. In fact, I was two states away, but still doing my best.

 

Update on the April Mini Win Goals -

• 15 mins or more of walking at least 3 days/week each week of April - Yup, I failed this one. I only walked the once. But that's okay. I'm starting to build new habits. If I keep working on this goal now, when I try it again in May, I'll succeed then. Practice. Build it up. Try it again. It's not a reason to give up and, I'm okay with this goal not succeeding already. I can still work on it and use it to my advantage.
• 8 cups of water or more at least 3 days/week each week of April - I succeeded for the first week of April. I got my 8 cups in for three days. Days that I'm working are actually the easiest because I pack 6 cups of water into my lunch box and then a glass of water at dinner is another 2 cups. But I did succeed so far. 
• Limit fast food to once per week - I'm being a little more lenient on this one because it's mostly aimed at the fact that when I'm on the go, I tend to not make deliberate food choices and I look for convenience. My biggest enemy is Dunkin Donuts. I only went to Dunkin once last week. Every other food choice, healthy or not, was a deliberate food choice. I specifically knew I was short on time to make dinner and chose Subway as a healthier option to Dunkin (and loaded my sandwhich with veggies and no sauces). So, I'm considering this a success because it's got me already in the direction that I need to be going in.
• 15 mins or more a day of doing something I enjoy - I succeeded at this, but it wasn't always easy. Dealing with Depression and full time grad school is a tough combination. But I succeeded at doing this and I really think it's important.
• A daily complement to myself focused on my body - I succeeded at this, though some days it was hard. Some of my complements are about the way I dress, and I'm okay with that. Part of my learning body confidence is my learning to feel comfortable in my clothes too. Part of my learning not to hate the symptoms of my PCOS is learning to dress in the ways that make me feel confident about how I look. So, I succeeded in this, even if it was difficult.

SO right now, that's 4 of my 5 goals are well within reach of success with one already failed and I'm very okay with all of it.

 

On the sleep quest front? That has not succeeded at all, but I can just keep trying. Each day I mess up is just restarting the quest is all. I'm still tracking my bed times, but I know that was thrown off by my not being home. I am trying to journal my sleep habits here, but some days I don't succeed and it's okay. I'm getting there. I'm not giving up. And that's what's important.

 

As for yesterday, I woke up around 9:30 (I was tired) but didn't really get up and moving til noon. I was visiting my girlfriend so I wasn't complaining or upset. I went to bed last night around 12:05 and absolutely had a LOT of screen time yesterday, including right before bed. But I also know my going to bed late had a lot to do with my husband not being home yet and I can't fall asleep without a partner next to me. Usually, it's my husband. This weekend it was my boyfriend and girlfriend. It can even be a best friend, but I can't sleep alone at all. So, staying up last night made things easier. It meant I was tired when my husband came home and I fell asleep very quickly. But it also meant that I was able to sleep because he was there. So, gonna keep trying at my 11pm goal, and we'll get there, slowly but surely.