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fleaball

Flea Hates Everything

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14 hours ago, fleaball said:

This is the thing that scares me. I asked the doctor about it last week and he completely brushed me off despite my having it for at least 3 years now. 

 

The hubby's doctor did say it was very unlikely to be causing any issues, and he's been diagnosed longer than 3 years. He's also been having flare ups even with the medication and all of his tests came back normal. So I can say that your doctor is probably just saving you a bill. But if you want to, you can push for an Endoscopy. 

 

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

And don't want to wind up being labeled a difficult patient or something even though I don't want to go back there anyway.

 

FWIW, even if one doctor labeled you that way, most likely no one else would even know. I say this from working in a doctors office, not just as a friend. Most of the staff doesn't care about your interactions with the doctor as long as you aren't difficult for them and most doctors just chalk it up to differences in personalities. I'm sure logically you know that, but I'm just confirming it as someone who dealt with difficult patients. :) 

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I am currently upset over something that’s not really worth being upset about, so I’m also upset about being upset. Which is annoying as hell because I told my godmother I’d submit two applications to the hospital tomorrow and let her know when they’re in so she could poke the HR folks for me. I’d planned on doing them tonight (just found them both yesterday and wanted to ask her about them today when we went out for dinner) but instead I’m just moping because I can’t shake off this mood. So much fun. Now I have to do them tomorrow and screw up my other plans. (Realistically it shouldn’t take too long because all I really have to do is tweak some working in my resume and cover letter, but this is me we’re talking about.)

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Ugh can someone just do these job applications for me so I can move on with my life? There are so many other things I want to be doing right now. 

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Hokay. Just told my godmother I wouldn’t have those applications in before she leaves work today but they’ll be done before she gets in tomorrow. I have been working on them and they’re mostly done, but the anxiety over them is insane and I need to distance myself for a bit. Blah. 

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Aaaaaand of the two positions, the one I want so much more also requires a transcript to be submitted. And of course my transcript still says I was on academic probation since my academic adviser gave no fucks about her job and gave me the wrong information. Whee.

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Crisis averted. I didn’t know this was a thing before now, but I just got a copy of my official transcript emailed to me as a secure PDF, and it doesn’t mention academic probation. Best $5 I ever spent. 

 

Now to have some dinner and get cracking on this shit. Instead of working on my actual documents I spent the last several hours agonizing over how I was supposed to explain away the probation without spending half my cover letter on it. 

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May I suggest to you that you have persisted with these applications in the face of really pain-in-the-ass-levels of anxiety. You have stayed in the fight, you have not given up, you have made progress.

 

I am really impressed by your bravery and I am very proud of you.

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32 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

May I suggest to you that you have persisted with these applications in the face of really pain-in-the-ass-levels of anxiety. You have stayed in the fight, you have not given up, you have made progress.

 

I am really impressed by your bravery and I am very proud of you.

I really want to say something along the lines of “lol nah” but I can’t actually come up with an argument. Damn. 

 

So thanks, even though I hate when you’re right. :)

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Grad school flashbacks! It's 1:15 am and my godmother gets to work by 7. I've made progress, I'm working on everything, but I keep having to take breaks because I get so overwhelmed by anxiety. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if I'd applied first and told her after the fact, but it's too late to undo that. Womp.

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[2 am]

Flea: I'm totally gonna get this shit done by 2:30!

 

Fat Kitty: So you're saying now's a good time to start coughing and breathing weird and totally freak you out? Cool.

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25 minutes ago, Diadhuit said:

You can doooo it!!

I got one in! The one I care more about, which also has more requirements than the other which is more entry level. Now it’s 4:07 am and all I really have to do is change some keywords for the second one and then I should be able to sleep lol

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Protip: always check your fucking PDFs to make sure they converted properly. Thank fuck this website lets you edit/remove and reupload documents. :rolleyes:

 

Now it’s 4:51 am and I’m finally done and off to bed. Huzzah. 

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4 hours ago, fleaball said:

 

Fat Kitty: So you're saying now's a good time to start coughing and breathing weird and totally freak you out? Cool.

 

That's so scary! I hope fat kitty's ok!

 

And that you get lots of sleep - yikes!

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Protip: always check your fucking PDFs to make sure they converted properly. Thank fuck this website lets you edit/remove and reupload documents. :rolleyes:
 
Now it’s 4:51 am and I’m finally done and off to bed. Huzzah. 


Ugh 4.51! Sleep well and take care of your sleep
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Thanks y’all. I did get some sleep (not enough, of course) and the stupid cat is fine. Idk what his deal was but it never happened before and hasn’t happened again. It was like a mix of when you have to sneeze but it won’t come, and like maybe there was a hairball except without the threat of barfing on my bed. So he’s a dumb fuck but he’s alive which is all that matters. 

 

I am intensely frustrated about how these applications went down. I’m not mad at myself for having anxiety, but I’m perpetually bothered by the fact that I can look at a job posting and say “yeah I can totally do all that” but then freak out over just the *thought* of applying for it. When I was at dinner with my godmother she said “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re talented...”  and I just wanted to scream because I know. Literally everyone tells me these things and I know you’re not all conspiring to lie to me. I know that if I look objectively at what I’ve done, there are things that not everyone has done or is capable of. (For fuck’s sake, I know multiple people who applied for the same scholarships I did, who I thought were smarter than me, who didn’t get them. Even my fucking roommate was waitlisted for them where I just won outright.) It’s just infuriating that I can’t get around it. I know it’s something to keep working on in therapy and I’ll eventually get over it, but ugh. I’m so tired of this. 

 

Semi-related, last night I was thinking “this is about the time when mom would tell me I need to work on my time management skills and completely dismiss me when I tried to explain anxiety for the millionth time.” And I realized that while I can’t necessarily say I’m glad she’s dead, I’m really glad she’s not around and I don’t have to deal with her anymore. 

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Also I’m going to send a complaint to the patient advocate at the hospital about dr doucheface. Just not today. Because no. 

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Anxiety is something that is worse in smart people, maybe because everyone else need a bit of a fairer game?
You applied to two things and you went through it even if anxiety hit. Well done! And you will push through and complain about the doctor when you will. Take it easy now :)

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