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Salinger

Salinger's twenty first challenge!

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21 minutes ago, shaar said:

Hihi~

 

I get stressed before trips too.  Even the WOW THIS IS AN AMAZING ADVENTURE ones, the ones I'm excited about riiiight up until I have to leave, then I want to stress puke in my carryon and just cancel the whole thing.

 

You will be just fine and have an amazing time. <3  Once you get out the door and on your way the nerves will just FRICK OFF and away you go!!~ <3

 

Hey Shaar!

 

Oh i hope so......

 

Not been thinking, or not had TIME to think about tomorrow much. I went out last night to my mates gig. Drank too much really i suppose, was out then we ended up at a house party and didnt arrive till 3.30am ffs....safe to say ive been napping all day. But i just tidied my room a bit, put washing on, and hoovered everywhere. Now im listening to D12, and got the football on (on mute) 

 

Ill have a shower later and try to get an early night. 

 

Oh and i need to pack of course hahahaah. Im SO NERVOUS about finding the place. its annoying as i cant check in till 5pm and i dont know if to go somewhere on the way (and leave in the morning) or just leave early afternoon and get there around 4.....???

 

Is adding another stop just asking for more anxiety? 

 

xx

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I ALWAYS

GET NERVOUS

ABOUT FINDING THE PLACE

 

Dude, you have NO idea.  I Google maps my directions 3987 times, and then if it's a NEW place I research the frick out of it online so I know exactly what it looks like and EXACTLY where to park.... I had to drive into Boston last week and my lordy y'all would have laughed at me as I'm sitting here the night before, squinting at Google Street View and trying to commit this new city driving area to memory because I need to be 497% prepared.

 

Maybe go somewhere on the way so you can stop mid-way and relax??  I like breaking drives up into parts for like.... motivation, you know, "Oh okay I've already made it halfway there and that was easy, only one half to go and it's gonna be a cinch!", yanno??

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2 minutes ago, shaar said:

I ALWAYS

GET NERVOUS

ABOUT FINDING THE PLACE

 

Dude, you have NO idea.  I Google maps my directions 3987 times, and then if it's a NEW place I research the frick out of it online so I know exactly what it looks like and EXACTLY where to park.... I had to drive into Boston last week and my lordy y'all would have laughed at me as I'm sitting here the night before, squinting at Google Street View and trying to commit this new city driving area to memory because I need to be 497% prepared.

 

Maybe go somewhere on the way so you can stop mid-way and relax??  I like breaking drives up into parts for like.... motivation, you know, "Oh okay I've already made it halfway there and that was easy, only one half to go and it's gonna be a cinch!", yanno??

 

HAHAHAHA ive been doing the same !! Street view, following the road up to the house etc hahahahaha xx

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2 minutes ago, Salinger said:

 

HAHAHAHA ive been doing the same !! Street view, following the road up to the house etc hahahahaha xx

 

Oh my lord this is an ACTUAL THING ISN'T IT?!!?!?!  Phew ok okokok.

 

I think for me it's an issue of... familiarity?  Like once I've been somewhere once I'm good to go but I never want to be that dingdong that makes a wrong turn and cuts someone off and disrupts the flow of Everything Local because I hadn't put in proper time ahead of time to prepare myself, you know???

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14 minutes ago, shaar said:

 

Oh my lord this is an ACTUAL THING ISN'T IT?!!?!?!  Phew ok okokok.

 

I think for me it's an issue of... familiarity?  Like once I've been somewhere once I'm good to go but I never want to be that dingdong that makes a wrong turn and cuts someone off and disrupts the flow of Everything Local because I hadn't put in proper time ahead of time to prepare myself, you know???

 

Oh yeah defo. Ive just screen shotted the end of the drive that i THINK is the house, and emailed the host to check its correct hahahaha if he says yes, ill feel better. xx

 

 

 

 

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16 hours ago, Salinger said:

 

We drew 0-0 this weekend. How boring hahah :) 

at least you didn't lose!
We still have the thorn of losing the Libertadores final against River in Madrid THAT WAS EMBARRASING

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Hey all it’s 3:30 and I am eating fish and chips by the beach in a place called Llandudno ... I’m still about 70 mins away from my air bnb - but I decided to stop along the way. See the beach and rest a little. 

 

Took about 2 hours 20 mins to get to this point, a little traffic but not too much. 

 

My knee hurts a bit from driving hahah loser. 

 

Anyway I feel very sad for no reason and I’m looking forward to getting to the air bnb and resting up for the evening. 

 

 X

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Hello everyone, im here. Sat with a cup of tea in the air bnb...im kinda proud of myself. I got here, its a long way to drive, i stayed safe and i managed to find the place with no trouble at all. 

 

Im kind of desperately sad and annoyed that depression has taken over a bit. How annoying. The weather isnt brilliant, its cloudy. And you cant see the top of the mountains due to fog!!!! So if i get there, i wont be able to see anything HAHAH oh well. 

 

The air bnb, is stunning. I met the owner, and she had lit the fire for me <3 im now settled on the sofa, replying to some emails and feeling sleepy and sipping tea. 

 

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How bloody lovely is it.....

 

I picked up some milk and bits to make food with, on the way. This place really is in the middle of nowhere pretty much...so its a good job i thought ahead. 

 

I feel so sad, i want to go walking though, tomorrow or Wednesday. Its going to rain a little but thats fine, i have a waterproof jacket. Just need to find somewhere to go and park etc...ill do some research tonight. Its 6pm - i may nap. Or just wait and get a shower and early night. I cant decide. But thats ok. 

 

Trying not to put pressure on myself during this break. Its a mind detox really i suppose. 

 

x

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Beautiful!

 

rainy/cloudy days all have tendency to get us down.  I wouldn't waste away your whole vacation for it- but if its going to drizzle some; then break out into sunny weather.

 

Research now; self-care then walk when the sun shines!

 

 

 

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oh!

and another thing.  quite obvious. but

 

just to say- you mention fog.  that can be another pretty big hazard.  you do NOT want to add the Adventure of getting lost, while vacationing.  so, yeah.

thats another reason to be cautious about the weather and walking.

 

idk; maybe (this warning) is not very helpful.it is what it is.

 

If I was there AFTER driving to the Trailhead and more less mentally ready to hike the hardest trail in the area- THEN I would give this (relatively good) advice to myself.  and prolly drive myself nuts with anxiety.

 

;)

so, your less dysfunctional than I am/would be... at least you want to carefully research stuff

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1 hour ago, NicTheRugger said:

What lovely scenery! I hope that you find time to recharge and relax. 

 

Thanks Nic! x

 

1 hour ago, TGP said:

Beautiful!

 

rainy/cloudy days all have tendency to get us down.  I wouldn't waste away your whole vacation for it- but if its going to drizzle some; then break out into sunny weather.

 

Research now; self-care then walk when the sun shines!

 

 

 

 

Maybe it IS the weather?? I dont know....

 

Yes the sun seems to break out late afternoon, so ill set off a bit later in the day i think (the rain is morning) it also means i can have a lie in!!

 

I dont think ill be able to climb the main mountain, but there are others i can do, im going to have a bit of food then research into hiking routes. 

 

I took a 40 minute nap, i think it helped a bit? I HATE having depression. I feel a little bit strange as well. So i feel glad to have you guys around. Probably just because im anxious and in a new place. Im sure after tomorrow i will feel more settled...

 

x

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9 hours ago, Salinger said:

Probably just because im anxious and in a new place.

 

Travel makes me SO WONKY. Like I cannot even tell you. I feel like nothing is real and I'm just kind of drifting or whizzing along with all the things I'm supposed to be doing and oh my goodness can I go home yet???  :D  So I'm glad you're taking it easy, and hopefully being gentle with yourself. That Airbnb is simply gorgeous and now I want a house like that. And the view is so restful even with the fog!!

 

I hope you're feeling a little more settled in the morning!! I'm loving your adventures!

 

Edit: This is a traditional folk music group that my mom always put on when we took trips in the hilly country or anyplace that wasn't a city - I always found it comforting:

 

 

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1 hour ago, SkyGirl said:

 

Travel makes me SO WONKY. Like I cannot even tell you. I feel like nothing is real and I'm just kind of drifting or whizzing along with all the things I'm supposed to be doing and oh my goodness can I go home yet???  :D  So I'm glad you're taking it easy, and hopefully being gentle with yourself. That Airbnb is simply gorgeous and now I want a house like that. And the view is so restful even with the fog!!

 

I hope you're feeling a little more settled in the morning!! I'm loving your adventures!

 

Edit: This is a traditional folk music group that my mom always put on when we took trips in the hilly country or anyplace that wasn't a city - I always found it comforting:

 

 

 

Thanks a lot Sky, im trying to be gentle with myself yes. 

 

The place is so lovely isnt it, i want a house like this too haha! The fog has lifted this morning and the views are breathtaking. 

 

Thank you for the song <3 xx

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Morning all.its almost 7am. I havent slept much, struggled to get off to sleep and then woke early. Im sure tonight will be easier to settle. I can nap this afternoon ...

 

Like i said to Sky, the fog has lifted and its much clearer this morning, so i can see the top of the mountain. Its cloudy still though but thats ok. I am drinking tea and have a croissant fresh from the oven!

 

I dont THINK im going to be able to hike up the mountain...i dont think i am fit enough, even to do the beginners track...i just dont know?! Im stressing a bit. Silly i know!

 

There is a train thing that you can get, to get to the top....so thats an option. Then walk down?! I dont know. 

 

Wish i was fit and healthy :(

 

Ok ok I need to STOP being so hard on myself...this can just be motivation to get back to the gym, to work harder etc. 

 

Its not as if this is the only time i have to climb it? I can come back...

 

Or maybe i just give it a go? If i cant do it, then i turn back? HELP ME hahahahhahaha

 

Anyway its tomorrow i will go/attempt. Today i will relax i think, have a bath at some point or a shower. Read, meditate, maybe a shorter hike somewhere later on. I need to look for routes. But if i dont go out thats ok too...

 

x

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8.30am. 

 

Recently (the past 4 days) i have been feeling very strange, almost like other worldly...like i dont belong. Sort of like im dissociating. Its not nice at all as  you can imagine. I feel like this:

 

giphy.webp?cid=790b76115cc7f8ae523461792

 

All i do is complain though, and its not something i want to be doing constantly. Its boring, not only for you, but for me as well. 

 

I know i say it a lot, but i want to be strong and healthy and be able to touch my toes and run up the stairs and chase my dogs when im visiting my parents, and go for long hikes and climb mountains and play football and tennis, and not feel like im going to pass out. I want to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with myself. 

 

giphy.gif?cid=790b76115cc7f8ca72684f777315b0d0&rid=giphy.gif

 

 

I know its laziness a lot of the time, which stops this. I have good intentions, but when it comes down to it, i talk myself out of exercise and eating right. Terrified of failure...failing AGAIN and again wears you down. But i have so much to motivate me...(as mentioned above) 

 

Maybe i need to really discuss all this, think about it properly. There must be a reason apart from being scared of failing again. 

 

xx

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just logged.

 

first relax, lessen the anxiety.  you're fine.  as sky said, about the travel.  its wierd.  you mention some pretty philosophical ground when you talk about how you WISH you were more fit.

 

but first let me google a tiny bit and see If I see anything plausable for walking thats not hardcore tough/long.

 

it would be a shame not to get in the woods!  I'll be back in a mo'

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2 minutes ago, TGP said:

just logged.

 

first relax, lessen the anxiety.  you're fine.  as sky said, about the travel.  its wierd.  you mention some pretty philosophical ground when you talk about how you WISH you were more fit.

 

but first let me google a tiny bit and see If I see anything plausable for walking thats not hardcore tough/long.

 

it would be a shame not to get in the woods!  I'll be back in a mo'

 

I just spoke briefly to @Charlie_Quinn who says i 'absolutely' could, and should try the walk tomorrow. Up the mountain. So im going to do it..... fuck this stupid anxiety xx

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16 minutes ago, TGP said:

ok.

well

just out of curiousity, what trail is that?

 

I was googling at:

https://www.walkupsnowdon.co.uk/top-10-easy-walks-snowdonia/

 

am I at the right place?

 

All these look beautiful! Might try to get on one on Thursday before i head home, depending how i feel. 

 

The walk / trail ill be doing is the Llanberis Path, UP Snowdonia :o xx

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Anyways, to finish off my thought...

I want to go to one thing that you say...

 

5 hours ago, Salinger said:

I want to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with myself. 

 

giphy.gif?cid=790b76115cc7f8ca72684f777315b0d0&rid=giphy.gif

 

 

I was JUST noticing yesterday during the shower the "flab".  Sigh. the Flab, moi? the HIKING CONSTANTLY- obsessed with exercise guys who's been at this 3 YEARS!

 

how can I have flab!!??

 

yet I do! I truly do. 

 

Exercise is a HARD way of life, Really hard and while its everything that the experts say (good for your health; makes you functionally strong during, and tends to create purpose in your life)...

I think it falls short on its promises.

 

it doesn't make athletic challenges that MUCH less.  its effect on your body is subtle, slight and slow! and Weight. oh Boy!!! thats even Harder!!!  some monumentally athletic people Struggle hugely to cut any fat.  even when the diet is also controlled; optimally!  weight loss is slow and uneven.   myself I've lost some weight, yes.  but not very much!  its NOT equal to the amount of work I've put in.

 

 I'm not so sure what I've said is convincing; but i KNOW, very personally KNOW.  that being an athlete is TOUGH very TOUGH, and the changes are agonizingly slow and subtle.  instead, I think the changes are Mental MORE than physical.  and Those changes are Really difficult to make!

 

I've done thousands of miles in steps and Hundreds in trail Hiking.  so Why am I gasping when I climb a good Hill!"?  (feelings of failure/anxiety).

 

-push them aside.  (mentally to me:)  THIS is what being an athlete is all about - struggling to get to the end, so suck it up Buttercup! {why buttercup?}

 

alas.

 

experience and conditioning just doesn 't make it as easy as it Looks!  and the rub is- to GET experience.  you really just need to push yourself.  you've got to take challenges like this and say- I WILL do it!  who cares if this my first big hill.

 

EVERYONE has a first Big hill!!!

...

I agree with Charlie, strongly!  your Stronger than you feel, you can hike harder than your body says!!  Big challenges feel monumentally Difficult and uncomfortable but the REWARD is SO big!!!  there's an Ugly internal critic in your head that just needs to be told to SHUT up!  the key is only to divide the uncomfortable from the dangerous.   

 

Dare to do the uncomfortable ESPACIALLY if it Just out of reach.  and remember; when you get to the TOP!

 

 

Also if you listened to that voice, you'd DO nothing...

 

Flab will not stop you getting up that Mountain Lizz!   you can SO do it!

Cotswalds-Quotes-21.jpg

 

...ah

I'm ranting.  ha! sorry.  Wished I was there.  I look forward to seeing you stretch towards new horizons.

this place that your at is really, really awesome.

 

PS.

I'll add just one last experience.   on my first hiking challenge walk; me and my friend both did very little to prepare for it.  the attitude was/is.  HOW FAR can a person walk?  whats the end, really of their strength.  where's the last footfall- the last second that they can stand and put one foot in front of another.

 

We never really found it.  we made 50miles (~75km)... and We WERE SORE!  no sleep (tired, hungry, legs, shins, ankles, toes, knees, hands, waist HURTS).  but Never got to the end of our strength.

it was the first time trying to do a crazy hard task!

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Thank you TGP, you never fail to motivate and inspire me, and i thank you for that. <3 

 

I am scared, sad, and anxious. (yes anxiety is different to being scared!) 

 

But i am hoping tomorrow will be fun as well as extremely difficult. Im a little worried about my knee, but ill rest it this afternoon. Im sure it will all be fine. If i fail to make it to the top then so what? I can train and come back and attempt it again!?

 

I did you guys a vlog.... i think @Miaulin asked me to do one? Well its in two parts (you will see why if you watch HAHA)

 

 

 

 

 

 

OH WHAT AWFUL THUMBNAILS :o :(

 

ok bye xx

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39 minutes ago, Salinger said:

fuck this stupid anxiety

that's absolutely the right attitude to have! Multiple psychologists and therapists have said that when you're feeling depressed or anxious, if your anxiety/depression is telling you to do one thing, or that you can't do a thing, do the exact opposite. 

 

Depression says "hey, we're useless so stay inside and don't talk to people"? You say "No! I'm going to go and spend time with a friend or family member," and then go and do that. 

Anxiety says "you're not in good enough shape to climb this mountain"? You say "Watch me. I may not make it to the top, but I'm going to do my best to prove you wrong." And then go and climb that mountain as high as you can go

 

You've got this. Your brain and your anxiety may be trying to stop you, but, as you said. Fuck that anxiety. Go climb that mountain! Take the beginner trail, go as far as you can, and then turn around and go back home. You'll be proud of accomplishing what you did, and prove your anxiety wrong. 

 

6 hours ago, Salinger said:

Recently (the past 4 days) i have been feeling very strange, almost like other worldly...like i dont belong. Sort of like im dissociating. Its not nice at all as  you can imagine. I feel like this

With the disclaimer that I'm not a medical professional, that does sound like dissociating. Unfortunately, it can be hard to snap out of it. But I believe in you! Find things that ground you, whether it's the smell of the earth after it rains (I think you mentioned that it rained where you are recently), or by splashing some water on your face. Find something that reminds you of home. 

 

Stay strong. I believe in you and I'll be cheering you on!

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