• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

Bean Sidhe

Bean Si Vs. Chaos – Just Survive

Recommended Posts

9 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

I appreciate this so much. You have no idea how much I am worried I may not keep my A in both classes. Ugh. I know Bs are okay, but part of me just feels like that is still failing. My brain is stupid, that is all.

I get it. There was a class I was praying for a B- in because the prof was super strict with grading papers and such. And then I ended up getting a B+ and the relief of passing lasted for about a second before troll brain took over and said "but you were so close to an A-, you suck." 

 

At the end of the day, GPA really only matters if you're going to grad school. And even in that case, it can be balanced out with a portfolio/resume/etc. So while I know your upbringing is going to insist that you get all As no matter what, there's really not a lot to worry about. You'll get the same diploma as everyone else. <3

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, Rookie said:

Well than I call you being here and having boxes a win. And a double win when you get some checked off. 

 

Thanks, Sometimes I need the reminder this is the win.

 

23 hours ago, Rookie said:

I really don't get why people see someone is clearly in their bubble and think its okay to interrupt. This happens to me when I am reading a book at home lol (bf will randomly start talking to me... stop long enough for me to start reading again then start talking)... at the cottage same thing with my family... at work I'll be intense in coding and a coworker will come in and stand there until I acknowledge them. I need to put a "do not disturb" sign on my bubble. I mean what do you mean you can't multitask reading, retaining knowledge, hold a conversation and do you taxes at the same time!?!?!??!!?!?!? Silly people.  

 

This was a "Oh, shes not in a bubble. She is visiting for their 1 week a year, I must spend time with her. Nevermind the fact she was up till 1 Am last night doing homework and then up early doing it again.  Part is they are just so excited to see us, but part is they have no real idea what I am doing.

 

 

23 hours ago, Rookie said:

It is hard to have such a big heart sometimes ;) but its important too. 

 

-internet fist bump-

 

It is

giphy.gif

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Tateman said:

Crossing fingers and toes ;) 

 

Thanks, I am hoping for a real answer today with details and things.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, fleaball said:

At the end of the day, GPA really only matters if you're going to grad school. 

Yes.... none of my employers have cared about my 4.0 that I worked for lol... Once you are out of college/uni they do not care. At least that has been my experience so far. 

 

Image result for crossing body gif

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

This was a "Oh, shes not in a bubble. She is visiting for their 1 week a year, I must spend time with her. Nevermind the fact she was up till 1 Am last night doing homework and then up early doing it again.  Part is they are just so excited to see us, but part is they have no real idea what I am doing.

 

It would be hilarious if you had a neck sign "Shhhh.... studying in progress" haha. Yah family is hard lol cause usually it is meant with good intentions and they are oblivious. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, fleaball said:

I get it. There was a class I was praying for a B- in because the prof was super strict with grading papers and such. And then I ended up getting a B+ and the relief of passing lasted for about a second before troll brain took over and said "but you were so close to an A-, you suck." 

 

I was cleaning up some stuff and I found a test from when I was in school the first time that I missed one question on. ONE.  I wrote the write answer down then apparently wrote "Why did you answer this you *** *** you know better."  Yeah. The me back then was harder on me than I am now.

 

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

At the end of the day, GPA really only matters if you're going to grad school. And even in that case, it can be balanced out with a portfolio/resume/etc. So while I know your upbringing is going to insist that you get all As no matter what, there's really not a lot to worry about. You'll get the same diploma as everyone else. <3

I know GPA won't matter that much, and the same diploma helps some (It also demotivates because I am killing myself and the guy that got a just enough GPA still gets one, why bother) but its more a pride thing. A Maybe I will actually know this stuff, but I doubt it.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Rookie said:

Yes.... none of my employers have cared about my 4.0 that I worked for lol... Once you are out of college/uni they do not care. At least that has been my experience so far. 

 

Image result for crossing body gif

 

 

Thanks

 

I know they won't care but my lack of experience seems to make this whole finding an internship let alone a job harder.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Rookie said:

It would be hilarious if you had a neck sign "Shhhh.... studying in progress" haha. Yah family is hard lol cause usually it is meant with good intentions and they are oblivious. 

 

That was the last time we said we would ever do that. I felt guilt being with the family doing fun things because I needed to study. I felt guilty studying because I should be enjoying family.

Youngest Agent has put signs on my chair more than once that say "Mom is studying, go away. Do not disturb"

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Update stuff:

 

Yesterday was headed to a HUGE dumpster fire. I had told the offer place I wasn't going to be able to work for them. Nothing was going right and I was just done.

Then this thing popped up and its looking pretty solid. I don't want to say it out loud yet, but I am pretty certain it will happen.

After that, I was still tired and over people, but I got a new wind. I didn't study that much last night, but I did some. I got all my boxes and went to bed earlier since I was just tired. But this may be the turning point I need.

 

Point wise, I only got 54 pts which is the lowest yet this challenge. Looking at the spreadsheet it kinda feels like I am going the wrong direction, but we will see.

 

Strength - 6 out of 6

Flexibility - 9 out of 8

Life and chaos -   13 out of 11

Fight Chaos - Clean-  5 out of 5

Fight Chaos Purge-   5 out of 5 

Walking -   4 out of 2 

Fuel  -  12  out of 10

Total 54 out of 47

 

Okay, off to adult or something. I am not really feeling the whole "go to work" thing, but I need to anyway.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
56 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

That was the last time we said we would ever do that. I felt guilt being with the family doing fun things because I needed to study. I felt guilty studying because I should be enjoying family.

Youngest Agent has put signs on my chair more than once that say "Mom is studying, go away. Do not disturb"

I love that Youngest Agent (and it sounds like the rest of your family) have your back. I like that kids style lol. 

 

58 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

I know they won't care but my lack of experience seems to make this whole finding an internship let alone a job harder.

Yah it was really sucky to get my first and second co-op because I was against other co-ops with more experience and honestly it felt way harder in the moment. Plus there was all the added pressure of your peers getting co-ops before you or getting them "so easily". Its a really shitty dance! 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here and following! Really crossing my fingers that this new thing works out.


And I totally understand the overachiever self-excoriation. It can be so brutal. It does sound like you're more balanced about it than you used to be (if that message you wrote on your old test is any indication) so try to remember that even if you're still stressed about grades, you do have more perspective than you used to, and it can continue to get better. 

 

I'm taking two classes in the evenings right now and I find it hard enough to find time for everything - and I don't even have kids! You're playing at a really high difficulty level and you're doing extremely well.

 

I also agree with the people who said that you still being here and doing your boxes is a victory. Not every challenge goes as well as you want, but I think we can all agree that keeping your goals in mind, continuing to try, results in a better outcome than not trying at all. So you keep coming back because it does work. Whenever someone says something works, my first question is always..."works to do what?" and I think it's important to remember that the definition of "it works!" in this case isn't that all your problems suddenly disappear or healthy living becomes magically easy or any of that. The definition of "it works" is just that each day you do a little better for yourself than you would if you weren't thinking about it. That's a victory.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Severine said:

You're playing at a really high difficulty level and you're doing extremely well.

 

yes. YES. Yes. This. You may not feel like it and you may even straight up disagree, but you are KILLING it right now. 

boom-strong-woman-index-finger-up-P112RE.jpg

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Rookie said:

I love that Youngest Agent (and it sounds like the rest of your family) have your back. I like that kids style lol. 

Ditto... and I'm pretty sure she gets that from her mom. I'll concede Dad could have some influence too, but it seems like it's got Mom written all over it.

 

5 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

yes. YES. Yes. This. You may not feel like it and you may even straight up disagree, but you are KILLING it right now. 

this too!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay, I need to share this with someone and the Agents are asleep and Hubby is running an errand


I got my CODE WORKING..... Not going to lie, it's in a weird language that makes almost no sense and IT IS WORKING CORRECTLY...

 

This is me right now

giphy.gif

 

giphy.gif

giphy.gif

 

Okay, now to figure out what the hell I did so I can write the documentation. (which would make one big project DONE)

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/18/2019 at 8:21 AM, Rookie said:

I love that Youngest Agent (and it sounds like the rest of your family) have your back. I like that kids style lol. 

 

In many ways, Youngest Agent likes to be little mommy. She loves to help and do things that she thinks just needs done or I say I need too do. Sadly, that does not involve her chores. LOL

 

On 4/18/2019 at 8:21 AM, Rookie said:

Yah it was really sucky to get my first and second co-op because I was against other co-ops with more experience and honestly it felt way harder in the moment. Plus there was all the added pressure of your peers getting co-ops before you or getting them "so easily". Its a really shitty dance! 

 

It really didn't seem like it should be this hard. And yeah, I have a ton of professional workplace experience, but not much in the way of "technical" experience. Another really crummy part of the "changing careers thing"

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Severine said:

Here and following! Really crossing my fingers that this new thing works out.

 

Glad to have you. I didn't get a chance yesterday to follow up on the thing. Something about coming into work and finding 40 cases of gloves blocking my way into my prep room needed dealt with. At least between moving those and dealing with a heavier thing I got my weight lifting in. For those who want to know what I was lifting, see the spoiler

 

Spoiler

I work in an Anatomy and physiology lab, so there is lots of dissection.  Yesterday I was preparing the fetal pigs which meant moving boxes of 15 pigs (40lbs) and preparing them then putting them in buckets that had probably closer to 50-60 lbs and carrying those around.

 

I have gotten started on the follow up thing. I need someone to check my wording (who knows it is coming, so I should get a response soon) and then I do the real follow up. (and then wait for them to get back to me)

 

21 hours ago, Severine said:

And I totally understand the overachiever self-excoriation. It can be so brutal. It does sound like you're more balanced about it than you used to be (if that message you wrote on your old test is any indication) so try to remember that even if you're still stressed about grades, you do have more perspective than you used to, and it can continue to get better. 

 

I think its less I am nicer to myself and more "I am not leaving evidence  where Agents can see" since I am trying my hardest to not turn them into me. Although there are times I wish they were more like me (but that whole new grading system makes it hard to know where they really stand).

 

21 hours ago, Severine said:

I'm taking two classes in the evenings right now and I find it hard enough to find time for everything - and I don't even have kids! You're playing at a really high difficulty level and you're doing extremely well.

 

Thanks. I think going to actually classes is the hard part. The one semester I had an actual on campus class, it made it harder since I had to carve that time out. Right now, I can just go "Hey look, I have second, lets work on class A"

 

21 hours ago, Severine said:

I also agree with the people who said that you still being here and doing your boxes is a victory. Not every challenge goes as well as you want, but I think we can all agree that keeping your goals in mind, continuing to try, results in a better outcome than not trying at all. So you keep coming back because it does work. Whenever someone says something works, my first question is always..."works to do what?" and I think it's important to remember that the definition of "it works!" in this case isn't that all your problems suddenly disappear or healthy living becomes magically easy or any of that. The definition of "it works" is just that each day you do a little better for yourself than you would if you weren't thinking about it. That's a victory.

 

I think part of me is just happy I am trying. I know what giving up looks like, and its not good. So I am just not ready to say "and I will end up at 500 lbs and be okay with that" yet. Honestly, I would love to be 100 lbs lighter, but lets focus first on getting past the 15 lbs I have yet to loose I have been working at. And I come back because I like the people here and you all are a great support system, even when I feel like I am failing horribly.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

 

yes. YES. Yes. This. You may not feel like it and you may even straight up disagree, but you are KILLING it right now. 

boom-strong-woman-index-finger-up-P112RE.jpg

 

Thank you, I do disagree but This really put a smile on my face. Now to hopefully feel like I am KILLING it soon.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, J3NN said:

Ditto... and I'm pretty sure she gets that from her mom. I'll concede Dad could have some influence too, but it seems like it's got Mom written all over it.

 

Actually, Dad may have more to do with it. He likes to say "Bean takes care of everyone around her, I take care of her" 

 

12 hours ago, J3NN said:

this too!

 

Thanks, now to work on feeling like I am KILLING it...

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Severine said:

giphy.gif?cid=790b76115cb931ef5744453345

 

 

I may of had to stop myself from screaming "It works" in an effort to not wake Agents

 

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

Yay Bean!

 

I am taking my small victories where I can. Now to write the "hey this is what I did" and actually know what I did.

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So yesterday was a long day. I got out of work late after the 40 cases of gloves showed up and at most of my day. I ended up staying late to do the other weightlifting at work (see my reply above with the spoiler, remember I work in a lab).  But I was mostly caught up

I came home and dinner didn't get prepped. I also didn't take plants out since the high was 52, but I did get some of the tomatoes transplanted until I ran out of dirt. We got more so I can finish them today, but I may have a seedling problem (for the record, call it 2 - 72 cell seed starts 90% survived, a 12 cell seed start 11 survived, and I still have another 36 and maybe one more 12 cell to transplant). The 6 ft bakers rack we put by the back door has developed a small issue. Agent Black has decided the top shelf of this rack is his and his alone. As such, he has started trying to push plants around that are up there. or eating the leaves. Agent white just pulls the Popsicle sticks we use as markers out of the pots to play with. I may have to invest in a taller cat tree for Agent Black once the bakers rack goes away.

 

I did get some homework done (I may still be dancing a bit) and my boxes got done, I didn't get a good walk in, but I did make a point to walk laps of the downstairs last night until I hit my 10,500 steps which means I have hit that step count every day since Monday. I am hoping it helps since the weigh in yesterday showed a 2 lb gain. I would love to think it is muscle, but I know better

 

My point total Thurs was 56 which is better than the 54 the day before.

 

Strength - 6 out of 6

Flexibility - 8 out of 8

Life and chaos -   14 out of 11

Fight Chaos - Clean-  6 out of 5

Fight Chaos Purge-   6 out of 5 

Walking -   3 out of 2 

Fuel  -  13  out of 10

Total 54 out of 47

 

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Tateman said:

well done! I miss growing tomatoes. Home grown are the best!

 

They really are. Since we garden so much in the warmer months, I have such a hard time in winter when the produce is meh at best and all I can think is "I could be growing this for free and it tastes better".

 

Soon, soon I will have dragon egg cucumbers again..

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/18/2019 at 8:20 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

I was cleaning up some stuff and I found a test from when I was in school the first time that I missed one question on. ONE.  I wrote the write answer down then apparently wrote "Why did you answer this you *** *** you know better."  Yeah. The me back then was harder on me than I am now.

Oh wow. Excuse me, I'm going back in time to give past!Bean a hug. 

 

On 4/18/2019 at 8:20 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

I know GPA won't matter that much, and the same diploma helps some (It also demotivates because I am killing myself and the guy that got a just enough GPA still gets one, why bother) but its more a pride thing. A Maybe I will actually know this stuff, but I doubt it.

The guy that got a just enough GPA probably doesn't know the material the way you do though. But I totally get what you mean.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now