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JessFit

JessFit goes full warrior

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Date update: Date two went well and he said he'd like to see me again. The thing is, I'm not getting the vibe that he wants to spend time with me as much as he just wants someone to spend time with. I'm game for another date to see what happens, but in general I've given up hope on ever having a good date again. Dating after 30 is just dismal. 

 

Other than the date, last night I did pull-up work and skincare. I'm heading back home for the weekend, about 200 miles away, so I've got to get laundry and dishes done tonight and pack the car so I can leave right after work tomorrow, then fit in a lift. I'll also be home next weekend, and I really am not budgeted for this many trips home what with home buying in my near future, but I skipped Easter last week to save money, and I can only skip so many family events without them getting cranky over it. 

 

Happy almost weekend! 

 

Goals:

1: Lifting sessions 3/12

2: Pull-up/Chin-up work 6/15

3: Greater than 95% compliance with the Renaissance Periodization diet. 97.74%/95%  Weight: 150.8/148

4: Recovery and mobility. 5/15

5: Skincare 6/20

6: Projects half done 3/5

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5 minutes ago, JessFit said:

Date update: Date two went well and he said he'd like to see me again. The thing is, I'm not getting the vibe that he wants to spend time with me as much as he just wants someone to spend time with. I'm game for another date to see what happens, but in general I've given up hope on ever having a good date again. Dating after 30 is just dismal. 

 

All dating is dismal. If only one in twenty men* would be a decent enough match to see what happens next, then you have to consider and dismiss 19 men. So instead of "this date went badly, it is proof that there is no one out there", can you think "two down, seventeen to go?" 

*I don't know what the actual number is. But the point stands. Meet and dismiss as many bad matches as possible. 

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4 minutes ago, Harriet said:

All dating is dismal. If only one in twenty men* would be a decent enough match to see what happens next, then you have to consider and dismiss 19 men. So instead of "this date went badly, it is proof that there is no one out there", can you think "two down, seventeen to go?" 

*I don't know what the actual number is. But the point stands. Meet and dismiss as many bad matches as possible. 

 One of the reasons I got married, didn't have to date anymore.

(Nevermind the fact that my wife loves me and is amazing and I would do anything for her. Completely irrelevant)

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6 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

All dating is dismal. If only one in twenty men* would be a decent enough match to see what happens next, then you have to consider and dismiss 19 men. So instead of "this date went badly, it is proof that there is no one out there", can you think "two down, seventeen to go?" 

*I don't know what the actual number is. But the point stands. Meet and dismiss as many bad matches as possible. 

I'm not discounting a potential relationship, I'm just stating that dating changes as you get older. I can count on one finger the number of dates in the last 6 years that I've actually felt excited after. I'm adjusting to that reality, the fact that grown up dating means dates are boring as hell. 

 

3 minutes ago, Grumble said:

 One of the reasons I got married, didn't have to date anymore.

(Nevermind the fact that my wife loves me and is amazing and I would do anything for her. Completely irrelevant)

True, but you have to share a bathroom. I'm sure the perks outweigh that drawback though. 

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1 hour ago, JessFit said:

Sanity? I thought that was a joke, who is actually sane? 

 

il_794xN.1180334800_55q4.jpg

 

9 minutes ago, Grumble said:

 

 One of the reasons I got married, didn't have to date anymore.

 

Filling out the triplicate forms needed to receive the formal certificate of exemption, and file one copy with the Dating Police so they know there is no need to punish us for refusing to go on dates was a real pain though...

 

(Side-note: Since I grew up in a culture that does these things completely differently, the American way of dating genuinely baffles me, because it seems like such an ineffective and disingenius way of ever successfully meeting someone worthwhile. It's almost like whoever invented it genuinely believed that if you take two strangers and put them in an artificial situation with high outside expectations and pressure for both of them to appear at their best, was a really good way to find someone you want and can have a fulfilling intimate relationship with... to me it sounds more like a sure-fire way to set oneself up for a string of disappointments.)

 

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21 minutes ago, scalyfreak said:

 

il_794xN.1180334800_55q4.jpg

 

 

Filling out the triplicate forms needed to receive the formal certificate of exemption, and file one copy with the Dating Police so they know there is no need to punish us for refusing to go on dates was a real pain though...

 

(Side-note: Since I grew up in a culture that does these things completely differently, the American way of dating genuinely baffles me, because it seems like such an ineffective and disingenius way of ever successfully meeting someone worthwhile. It's almost like whoever invented it genuinely believed that if you take two strangers and put them in an artificial situation with high outside expectations and pressure for both of them to appear at their best, was a really good way to find someone you want and can have a fulfilling intimate relationship with... to me it sounds more like a sure-fire way to set oneself up for a string of disappointments.)

 

That's why I always thank everybody's friend Tom for setting us up. 

First date: chili burgers and Pixars Cars at her place under the pretense of fixing her printer. 

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29 minutes ago, Grumble said:

 

First date: chili burgers and Pixars Cars at her place under the pretense of fixing her printer. 

 

Because the printer didn't need fixing, or because you never fixed it...?

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Hang in there! Dating is sometimes "blah," but there are some good ones out there - or at least that's the hope I keep holding on to as a guy inching ever closer to 30.

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17 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Hang in there! Dating is sometimes "blah," but there are some good ones out there - or at least that's the hope I keep holding on to as a guy inching ever closer to 30.

I'm not saying that there aren't good ones out there to be found, I'm just saying that as you get older, the tone of the dates changes dramatically. They're not even remotely exciting anymore.

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27 minutes ago, JessFit said:

I'm not saying that there aren't good ones out there to be found, I'm just saying that as you get older, the tone of the dates changes dramatically. They're not even remotely exciting anymore.

Yuck - my most recent first date was with a Gen Z'er and had its own quirks in the dynamic (namely, I felt like I needed to google some words later because I only had a half clue what they meant).

 

What makes the dates unexciting? Does it feel like it's just a scripted reciting of basic biographical info? I try to spice up even normal coffee / drinks dates by attempting to ask more creative questions, though I'm not 100% sure I succeed?

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29 minutes ago, JessFit said:

I'm not saying that there aren't good ones out there to be found, I'm just saying that as you get older, the tone of the dates changes dramatically. They're not even remotely exciting anymore.

 

Counter-point/Devil's Advocate:

That's not the dates, it's the people you're going on dates with. An exciting and interesting person makes the most dull activity more enjoyable. A dull and boring person could ruin the opening night of Avengers: Endgame just by being there.

 

Food for thought. :)

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22 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

Because the printer didn't need fixing, or because you never fixed it...?

It was out of ink. Couldn't fix it.

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On 4/25/2019 at 12:52 PM, scalyfreak said:

 

Counter-point/Devil's Advocate:

That's not the dates, it's the people you're going on dates with. An exciting and interesting person makes the most dull activity more enjoyable.

Yes, exactly, because we're all over 30 and not exciting anymore. We're all workaholics who don't get enough sleep and replace carbs with cauliflower and worry about our 401Ks. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just means that all my dates feel the same, and boring. I've seriously just come to accept this as part of growing up. 

 

Got pretty sick Thursday, took Friday off work, likely not working a full day today. I didn't totally let that stop me, I tried to work toward my goals, I just took it easier than I usually do. I got no PHDs done this weekend, other than the little bit of super chill gym time I got in, I mostly just slept and read. Bleh. I even skipped going home to Chicago this weekend, which was good because they got a bunch of snow. 

 

It has been difficult to stick to my diet program while being sick, but I've managed. It is also difficult because I'm trying to bake a bunch for a bake sale coming up this weekend to benefit my Civil War Reenactment group. I'm making lots of amazing 1860s cookies and tea cakes and fudge and freezing them and not even having a bite. Bleh. I know why I'm doing this, I fully believe that I don't need those cookies, but it isn't exactly fun. 16 days left in this diet, 2.1 lbs to go. 

 

Goals:

1: Lifting sessions 6/12

2: Pull-up/Chin-up work 9/15

3: Greater than 95% compliance with the Renaissance Periodization diet. 97.91%/95%  Weight: 150.1/148

4: Recovery and mobility. 7/15

5: Skincare 9/20

6: Projects half done 3/5

 

 

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9 minutes ago, JessFit said:

Got pretty sick Thursday, took Friday off work, likely not working a full day today. I didn't totally let that stop me, I tried to work toward my goals, I just took it easier than I usually do.

 

 

Excellent. It would have been super easy to do nothing instead of a bit. So taking it easier but still doing something is excellent. Get well soon. 

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24 minutes ago, JessFit said:

Yes, exactly, because we're all over 30 and not exciting anymore. We're all workaholics who don't get enough sleep and replace carbs with cauliflower and worry about our 401Ks. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just means that all my dates feel the same, and boring. I've seriously just come to accept this as part of growing up. 

 

What would be exciting to you? Go on THAT date. You don't have to do the boring coffee/dinner/lunch thing because it's the expecation.

Minor rant incoming

Spoiler

 

Bull.

Shit.

I have a kid, a wife, and am in the military. So far this year I have managed to get drunk on a mountain I got to take a tram back down, run a marathon, play with liquid nitrogen, make a bunch of new friends, pull off some of my greatest FPS gaming achievements, watched more movies in the theater than the last 4 years combined, thrown axes for fun, and generally not act like I'm past my prime and my world is over. Not being single, I have different challenges than you, but that doesn't change the fact that being over 30 means you have to be boring. Make of it what you will, but make the most of it.

 

 

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6 minutes ago, Grumble said:

 

What would be exciting to you? Go on THAT date. You don't have to do the boring coffee/dinner/lunch thing because it's the expecation.

Minor rant incoming

  Hide contents

 

Bull.

Shit.

I have a kid, a wife, and am in the military. So far this year I have managed to get drunk on a mountain I got to take a tram back down, run a marathon, play with liquid nitrogen, make a bunch of new friends, pull off some of my greatest FPS gaming achievements, watched more movies in the theater than the last 4 years combined, thrown axes for fun, and generally not act like I'm past my prime and my world is over. Not being single, I have different challenges than you, but that doesn't change the fact that being over 30 means you have to be boring. Make of it what you will, but make the most of it.

 

 

I do a lot of incredible things with amazing friends and family, I have an exciting and rewarding job that I love in stem cell research, I travel a ton, and I generally have a blast. I'm not saying my life is boring, I'm only saying my dates are! (Relevant note: I live in a University town: there's the town, and then theres cornfields. The town is 4 miles across. My dating options are fairly limited to college kids looking for a Puma and a handful of single adults who also work for the Uni/Hospital.) I'm not feeling a loss because I don't have a relationship, and I'm not getting in to a relationship unless it happens to be something that will be wonderful. I'm just kvetching about adjusting to dating in this area and at this age. Also, coming from Chicago, I'm used to having a much more exciting and expansive dating pool and date options. This whole thing is taking some getting used to. In the end, I'm pretty ok being single, which is why none of these boring ladies or gentlemen have stuck and I'm still single. When I meet someone that resonates, that will change. 

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11 minutes ago, JessFit said:

I do a lot of incredible things with amazing friends and family, I have an exciting and rewarding job that I love in stem cell research, I travel a ton, and I generally have a blast. I'm not saying my life is boring, I'm only saying my dates are! (Relevant note: I live in a University town: there's the town, and then theres cornfields. The town is 4 miles across. My dating options are fairly limited to college kids looking for a Puma and a handful of single adults who also work for the Uni/Hospital.) I'm not feeling a loss because I don't have a relationship, and I'm not getting in to a relationship unless it happens to be something that will be wonderful. I'm just kvetching about adjusting to dating in this area and at this age. Also, coming from Chicago, I'm used to having a much more exciting and expansive dating pool and date options. This whole thing is taking some getting used to. In the end, I'm pretty ok being single, which is why none of these boring ladies or gentlemen have stuck and I'm still single. When I meet someone that resonates, that will change. 

I did not realize how small your town was, even with you mentioning it being small previously. And It wasn't a dig at you, but at your blanket statement. Although I feel like that's a fairly accurate blanket statement now. I just get very grumpy when i read about people complaining that you get boring in your 30's. 

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12 minutes ago, Grumble said:

I did not realize how small your town was, even with you mentioning it being small previously. And It wasn't a dig at you, but at your blanket statement. Although I feel like that's a fairly accurate blanket statement now. I just get very grumpy when i read about people complaining that you get boring in your 30's. 

Nope, I didn't take it personally. I just wanted to clarify for you. You're right, life should never get boring just because you get older. I adore who I am in my 30s, much more than the person I was earlier in life. Life is what you make of it, and I think many of us on here are living it with gusto. 

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1 hour ago, Grumble said:

 

What would be exciting to you? Go on THAT date. You don't have to do the boring coffee/dinner/lunch thing because it's the expecation.

Minor rant incoming

  Hide contents

 

Bull.

Shit.

I have a kid, a wife, and am in the military. So far this year I have managed to get drunk on a mountain I got to take a tram back down, run a marathon, play with liquid nitrogen, make a bunch of new friends, pull off some of my greatest FPS gaming achievements, watched more movies in the theater than the last 4 years combined, thrown axes for fun, and generally not act like I'm past my prime and my world is over. Not being single, I have different challenges than you, but that doesn't change the fact that being over 30 means you have to be boring. Make of it what you will, but make the most of it.

 

 


I can has throwing axes???

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1 minute ago, Harriet said:


I can has throwing axes???

I actually went on a date with Mrs Grumble where we do got to throw axes and kept score. We're doing a group date with some friends next month. I have a video somewhere. I'll try and throw it up here.

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1 hour ago, JessFit said:

replace carbs with cauliflower

 

I'm feeling called out.

 

I understand what you mean though. Building your best life is often incompatible with spending a bunch of it screwing off. It's a balancing act that's different for everyone. Not only that, but we want to put our best feet forward when meeting potential partners, so it seems natural that conversation would be drawn to things that are "boring" but indicate our value as partners. Finding the best of both of those worlds is never an easy task, even in big cities, even as younger people. I'm sure you know all that; I'm just trying to commiserate here! Keep up the good work and keep rolling the dice!

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47 minutes ago, Harriet said:


I can has throwing axes???

IT IS SO MUCH FUN! We have an axe throwing place nearby and I love it, goooooooo. It is way harder than I anticipated but it is a darn good time and a great shoulder workout. 

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13 minutes ago, JessFit said:

IT IS SO MUCH FUN! We have an axe throwing place nearby and I love it, goooooooo. It is way harder than I anticipated but it is a darn good time and a great shoulder workout. 

Seriously, I decided to be an idiot and throw the big one more than the little one, my shoulders and upper back were just knots of soreness the next couple of days. 

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2 hours ago, JessFit said:

I do a lot of incredible things with amazing friends and family, I have an exciting and rewarding job that I love in stem cell research, I travel a ton, and I generally have a blast.

<snip>

I'm not feeling a loss because I don't have a relationship, and I'm not getting in to a relationship unless it happens to be something that will be wonderful.

<snip>

In the end, I'm pretty ok being single

 

I'm reading this and trying to understand why you are bothering to date in the first place? Especially if you're not enjoying the process of dating. It does not make sense to me to continue to go on an activity that you expect will bore you, with people you are not excited to spend time with. What do you get out of it that makes it worth the effort?

 

And to this:

 

2 hours ago, JessFit said:

Yes, exactly, because we're all over 30 and not exciting anymore. We're all workaholics who don't get enough sleep and replace carbs with cauliflower and worry about our 401Ks. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just means that all my dates feel the same, and boring. I've seriously just come to accept this as part of growing up.

 

Every adult I spend time with in person is very interesting and exciting. And if you ever meet them, you will have no idea about that, because we're all introverts and need to feel safe around a person before we show them who we really are and open up about the weird hobbies we have that makes us so interesting.

 

You might want to consider changing your attitude about the people around you, and start assuming that they are interesting, and you just haven't found out enough about them to know that yet. Ever heard the saying that if you assume everyone is a nice person, you'll discover that most of them are? Unsurprisingly, that is true about almost all assumptions we make about the people around us.

 

And I'm going to pretend that calling all of us boring workacoholics wasn't insulting, because the way lay danger and nothing constructive. ;)

 

1 hour ago, Harriet said:


I can has throwing axes???

 

57 minutes ago, Grumble said:

I actually went on a date with Mrs Grumble where we do got to throw axes and kept score. We're doing a group date with some friends next month. I have a video somewhere. I'll try and throw it up here.

 

Next time I take Husband on a date (we take turns) we are going axe throwing. I've found a club nearby that teaches it and has competitions and everything. Very smug to have it confirmed that it's a fun thing to do for a date. B)

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