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Countess D'If

Countess D'If had fun last time, so let's keep going

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I have a TON going on right now. I am in completely uncharted territory and I am freaking out.

 

 

 

I am starting a job on the 6th of May. New job. First job as an attorney. Right now I am a law clerk. But on May 6, I start being an attorney. I’m SO NERVOUS!!

ermahgerd.jpg

 

 

I am wracked with guilt because I am leaving my clerkship 3.5 months early and we haven’t found a replacement. I am also bitterly bitterly disappointed because I didn’t get a different job that I REALLY REALLY WANTED. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about my new job and it is a freaking AWESOME job. But I had my heart set on a different one and we all thought they were going to offer it to me. I thought they were going to offer it to me. And they didn’t. And I’m really quite hurt about it. I’m going through for reals grief about it. Which is not helping the guilt or the nerves.

 

BUT! On a less teenage angst entitled bullshit note, we got work to do!

 

 

 

 

I am going to have to craft a whole new schedule for myself here in a minute, so I may as well keep enjoying the current schedule:

 

GOAL 1: Enjoy your normal

Gym

Work

Walk at lunch

10,000 steps/day

Play sportsball with my fam after work

 

GOAL 2: Be in a calorie deficit

 

GOAL 3: Don’t freak out

Post here

Allow myself to feel feelings because they are valid and I'm allowed to have them. Even if they are super dumb feelings

Keep up with the mood tracking in my bullet journal thing (Not really a bujo, kind of a planner. but also kind of a bujo)

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Suffering from an intense desire to SCREAM MY HEAD OFF this morning. I think I'll take a xanax at lunch. I don't need one, per se. But I really hate feeling like this. So there.

 

 

P.S. "like this" just means frustrated, panicky, jumpy, and all around nervous. As opposed to having a real panic attack where I'm convinced I'm going to die. We're not there rn and hopefully we won't get there today. 

 

P.P.S. My older sister called and screamed at me about X. But she's insane and she has problems dealing with things, so it was pretty obvious she want not actually mad about X but was dealing with Y and decided to take it out on me. I understand that. But I'm still pissed off that I got screamed at. That has put me in a super foul mood since Monday night.

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The job thing is super lousy and I totally would feel shitty about it too, but hopefully the more time goes by and you settle into your new job and find whatever awesomeness there is to find there, you'll be less and less bothered by it. Also, their bloody loss. 

 

Remember, keep your swagger:

underworld_swaggiphy.gif

underworld_swag

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2 hours ago, Severine said:

Remember, keep your swagger:

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Little hand says it's time to rock and roll

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2 hours ago, Tateman said:

Hopefully, the new job will be super awesome. Good luck getting all settled in!

The new job is going to be SO awesome. I'm so excite

 

 

 

But for reals, y'all. Thank god for xanax. I'm having a MUCH better day now

Art-poster-340.jpg

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I am sorry your sister took her frustration out on you. at least you know it wasn't really X but it still stinks. Hopefully today is better overall.

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7 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I am sorry your sister took her frustration out on you. at least you know it wasn't really X but it still stinks. Hopefully today is better overall.

Yeah, she's a nightmare sometimes. I know what she's like but yeah, I don't like being yelled at for no reason. 

 

 

12 hours ago, Waanie said:

That sounds like a tough work-situation! Just a few weeks to go until the awesome job, you can do it :).

 

I KNOW! So much nerves and excitement! The Marine told me that I'm not allowed to keep coming home in a pissy pants mood anymore because he's over it. He's going to start kicking me out - by which he means sending me to the gym to work out and calm the hell down. I don't see any downside to the suggestion. . . 2 a days would probably really help me rn.

 

 

Confession ONE a day would also be a significant improvement at the mo. . . Oops. I'm slacking REAL hard. My mental health is just not being cooperative and I'm milking that excuse for ALL I can get :D

 

But it is Midget Mayhem's spring break so everything feels all loosey goosey and. . . spring breaky. The weather finally came around and all I want in the whole wide world is to sit on the porch and gossip with my friends and drink wine. 

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7 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

Turns out, 23:08 on a Thursday night is not a good time to discover a new YouTube channel called “Michael’s Orchids.”

 

fml

 

but I do SUPER love orchids 

 

Orchids are so good! They're super fussy to take care of, but so beautiful. When I was in university I learned about a monument in ancient Rome that had the oldest known depictions of orchids in the western world. I can't remember which monument, but it was a cool thing to see flowers I quasi-recognized on ancient art...a good reminder that whatever bullshit humans are up to, plants are always just plants, hanging around and watching.

 

Also did you know that vanilla (the plant) is in the orchid family? So they're delicious with the eyes and mouth.

 

/plantnerd

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Oh, P.S. Did I mention I have to take the california bar exam? Yeah. Not thrilled

 

Also, NOT 100% convinced that this lap top is going to survive another bar exam TBH

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6 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

Oh, P.S. Did I mention I have to take the california bar exam? Yeah. Not thrilled

 

Also, NOT 100% convinced that this lap top is going to survive another bar exam TBH

Oof. I believe in you, but oof.

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Example of how long The Marine has been personally victimized by my mother

 

Me: everything is going OK and nothing is on fire today. 

 

Him: give it time, your mom will show up.

 

:glee:

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On 4/20/2019 at 1:30 PM, Countess D'If said:

Oh, P.S. Did I mention I have to take the california bar exam? Yeah. Not thrilled

 

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1 hour ago, Countess D'If said:

TODAY I HAVE CLEANED MY BATHROOM!

 

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Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. . . 

 

 

 

WHY DID THEY HIRE HIM BUT NOT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

giphy.gif

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6 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. Someone else's success does not diminish my success. . . 

 

 

 

WHY DID THEY HIRE HIM BUT NOT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Bad judgement? 

 

giphy.gif?cid=790b76115cbe39c55341504c51

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