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Mike Wazowski

Mike Wazowski: Just Barely Getting By

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Following! I like the optimisation aspect :)

 

On 4/16/2019 at 4:08 PM, Mike Wazowski said:

I had sort of a mini-lightbulb moment while on the phone with a job recruiter who reached out to me yesterday afternoon. The role was theoretically on paper my dream role - using analytics to make a social impact - but it just wasn't getting me excited about the possibility of moving companies and cities (especially cities). But this wasn't fear of the unknown as much as knowing I'd be losing ties to the community I've built - especially the kids whose lives I get to be a part of through dance and that are really special to me. I realized that I really, truly, love connecting with students and teaching and mentoring and that's what really gets me excited, much more so than any sort of personal achievement in a professional realm (other than as a dance competitor). I don't know what this means for future moves exactly, but it reinforced that my semi-definite plan to transition into teaching dance at least part time (above and beyond what I do for my youth program) is a step in a direction I want to take. And also makes me feel better about just not being *that* excited to keep working on my mini master's degree online - I'll for sure see my current course through to the best of my abilities, but I may not end up taking the next course in the sequence (although, there's *only* one more left, so I might just power through).

 

That is a great realisation and I personally think you're digging the right stuff, that relationships/community/meaningfulness are > career achievements.  It depends what people mean by "achievement" I guess.  Sometimes we can get lost trying to meet a picture in our head that has actually been a bit pressured into our brain and has little to do with what we *really* want. It's still good to try and take risks sometimes to get a sense of what the real picture looks like, but if you already have a sense that's not a good match, it's very very useful.

 

16 hours ago, Mike Wazowski said:

I am great at devotion and rituals, but I'm much less good at having faith and hope. He spoke of his own struggles with pessimism and it really connected with me and got me excited to try and take 5 minutes each day to reflect on hope and faith and allowing them to play a part in my life.

 

I find this very interesting from a pretty faithless point of view. There is a Jewish story about two rabbies having an argument about whether God exists or not. They spend the night on it, arguing and arguing, and they eventually conclude that God does not exist. Then one of them says "it's prayer time now", and the second goes: "but why do want to pray if we concluded that God does not exist?". And the first one answers: "That's irrelevant, we still need rituals and the morning has come".

And this makes total sense to me. The story is not about rituals being idiotic or hypocritical at all, it's about the fact that we need them, faithless or not, to get on with life. The humanist community has rituals too and possibly needs to develop more.

If I may recommend a little book if you don't know it: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2082009.The_Little_Book_of_Atheist_Spirituality

(reviews may be interesting to read, especially from people with a faith). The author kinda identifies as a "mystic atheist" and points out how important rituals are (to reflect, create meaning and connections with others, in the past, present and future...). As I have grown older, I've really started appreciating rituals, even without faith involved. So it's interesting for me to read about your experience. Do you feel a disconnection between the two, rituals vs faith (or feelings like hope) ? or is it that you feel the need to introduce a new little personal ritual (daily reflection)?

 

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20 hours ago, Mike Wazowski said:

He spoke of his own struggles with pessimism and it really connected with me and got me excited to try and take 5 minutes each day to reflect on hope and faith and allowing them to play a part in my life. I'm not sure exactly where this'll lead, but I'm hoping for and starting to experience one effect of it - I'm more at peace with the aspects of dating that I really can't control

 

This is awesome. No one really taught me how to be hopeful and not pessimistic--my father in particular is a fact-collecting worrier. Hope isn't based (exclusively) on facts, so I guess it's more of an emotional skill or choice that you have to keep making? Excellent that you are feeling more chill about the dating. It's really true that people like different things and it doesn't necessarily reflect on your worth if it's not a good match. 

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1 hour ago, Harriet said:

 

This is awesome. No one really taught me how to be hopeful and not pessimistic--my father in particular is a fact-collecting worrier. Hope isn't based (exclusively) on facts, so I guess it's more of an emotional skill or choice that you have to keep making? Excellent that you are feeling more chill about the dating. It's really true that people like different things and it doesn't necessarily reflect on your worth if it's not a good match. 

 

I think it's a combination of emotional skill, intellectual choices, and personality, as well as what kind of faith a person has, if any.

 

My thoughts have a tendency to spiral into negative patterns the moment I am stressed. It jumps straight to worst case scenario, convinces me that it's inevitable that the worst will happen, and of course at this point I freak out and the anxiety takes off like a wildfire. So one of the things my therapist has had me work on is to learn to identify negative thought patterns early, and to redirect them away from the disaster scenarios. As a result of this, I am a lot less pessimistic and feel more hopeful in general. :)

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On 4/23/2019 at 5:29 AM, @mu said:

Following! I like the optimisation aspect :)

:) Welcome aboard!

 

On 4/23/2019 at 5:29 AM, @mu said:

That is a great realisation and I personally think you're digging the right stuff, that relationships/community/meaningfulness are > career achievements.  It depends what people mean by "achievement" I guess.  Sometimes we can get lost trying to meet a picture in our head that has actually been a bit pressured into our brain and has little to do with what we *really* want. It's still good to try and take risks sometimes to get a sense of what the real picture looks like, but if you already have a sense that's not a good match, it's very very useful.

I think so too - though I guess it's up to each person what the right balance is, but feeling a sense of community and personal connection is definitely important to me and I'll make sure all my future work choices reflect that (I am playing around with the idea of getting certified to teach junior high or high school once I've saved enough that I'd be financially comfortable even with the lower salary that would entail, but that's one of many options with teaching dance near full-time, being a private tutor, and teaching part-time at local colleges also in the mix).

 

On 4/23/2019 at 5:29 AM, @mu said:

I find this very interesting from a pretty faithless point of view. There is a Jewish story about two rabbies having an argument about whether God exists or not. They spend the night on it, arguing and arguing, and they eventually conclude that God does not exist. Then one of them says "it's prayer time now", and the second goes: "but why do want to pray if we concluded that God does not exist?". And the first one answers: "That's irrelevant, we still need rituals and the morning has come".

And this makes total sense to me. The story is not about rituals being idiotic or hypocritical at all, it's about the fact that we need them, faithless or not, to get on with life. The humanist community has rituals too and possibly needs to develop more.

If I may recommend a little book if you don't know it: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2082009.The_Little_Book_of_Atheist_Spirituality

(reviews may be interesting to read, especially from people with a faith). The author kinda identifies as a "mystic atheist" and points out how important rituals are (to reflect, create meaning and connections with others, in the past, present and future...). As I have grown older, I've really started appreciating rituals, even without faith involved. So it's interesting for me to read about your experience. Do you feel a disconnection between the two, rituals vs faith (or feelings like hope) ? or is it that you feel the need to introduce a new little personal ritual (daily reflection)?

Iiiiiinteresting. I actually feel a pretty strong sense of faith, or at least spirituality, and I've found a subsegment of the Catholic rituals (Ignatian / Jesuit spirituality) that overall really resonates with me. I haven't implemented a ton of ritualistic practices from there, but when I do I notice that ritual is a great way to ground myself. But I think what I've noticed, is I haven't consistently associated the rituals of my faith (daily prayer, weekly mass) with refiling my reserves of hope and faith, and as a result I've let them languish because they feel like just another obligation. So this is sort of a renewal of that more fully realized approach - making sure that I make these rituals a part of my life and that my heart is in them (and my mind cleared enough for them) that I can really get the benefit.

 

I also just found* a blog / community / ministry specifically focused on LGBT Catholics written by two gay millennial Catholics like myself, so that's been reaffirming for my faith as well - just knowing there are others like me struggling with the same issues I struggle with is reaffirming to know I'm not alone in my journey.

 

*Or, more precisely, a priest I follow on Facebook posted a link.

 

On 4/23/2019 at 9:05 AM, Harriet said:

This is awesome. No one really taught me how to be hopeful and not pessimistic--my father in particular is a fact-collecting worrier. Hope isn't based (exclusively) on facts, so I guess it's more of an emotional skill or choice that you have to keep making? Excellent that you are feeling more chill about the dating. It's really true that people like different things and it doesn't necessarily reflect on your worth if it's not a good match. 

23 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

I think it's a combination of emotional skill, intellectual choices, and personality, as well as what kind of faith a person has, if any.

 

My thoughts have a tendency to spiral into negative patterns the moment I am stressed. It jumps straight to worst case scenario, convinces me that it's inevitable that the worst will happen, and of course at this point I freak out and the anxiety takes off like a wildfire. So one of the things my therapist has had me work on is to learn to identify negative thought patterns early, and to redirect them away from the disaster scenarios. As a result of this, I am a lot less pessimistic and feel more hopeful in general. :)

Same as SF - I'm still very much a work in progress here, but I think it'll be really helpful for my ability to roll with the punches in the future.

 

Quick drive-by update: Hope and water are going well, sleep rituals have gone off the rails. I'm going to make a concerted effort to get that in check starting today by putting the phone in its spot and not letting it move from there once I'm home from practice for the night. But we can turn this around!

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28 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Iiiiiinteresting. I actually feel a pretty strong sense of faith, or at least spirituality, and I've found a subsegment of the Catholic rituals (Ignatian / Jesuit spirituality) that overall really resonates with me. I haven't implemented a ton of ritualistic practices from there, but when I do I notice that ritual is a great way to ground myself. But I think what I've noticed, is I haven't consistently associated the rituals of my faith (daily prayer, weekly mass) with refiling my reserves of hope and faith, and as a result I've let them languish because they feel like just another obligation. So this is sort of a renewal of that more fully realized approach - making sure that I make these rituals a part of my life and that my heart is in them (and my mind cleared enough for them) that I can really get the benefit.

 

Also very interesting. Do you think it's because those particular rituals weren't actually effective and needed to be replaced with other rituals that suit you better, or because they felt like an obligation at the time? The reason there are millions of different variants of each major religion (and the minor ones) is that people are different and have different spiritual needs. It stands to reason that rituals that work for Person A will not be as effective for Person B, and vice versa.

 

I like that you refer to sleep hygiene as "sleep rituals"! Rituals as a concept are not limited to religion and spirituality, but the way people talk about them sometimes  makes it seem that way, Rituals are an important part of group dynamics and communication when building and maintaining close relationships, but they're as important on an individual level, for our peace of mind and comfort. Most of us have a much larger number of personal rituals than I think we realize, and we perform them without recognizing their importance for our equilibrium. An obvious example is the things we do to "wind down" before going to bed. My ability to go to sleep, and sleep restfully, vanishes if I don't have my skin care ritual, followed by the tooth brushing ritual, followed by the read-for-a-while ritual.

 

And sleeping makes it easier to stay positive. :)

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1 hour ago, Mike Wazowski said:

I also just found* a blog / community / ministry specifically focused on LGBT Catholics written by two gay millennial Catholics like myself, so that's been reaffirming for my faith as well - just knowing there are others like me struggling with the same issues I struggle with is reaffirming to know I'm not alone in my journey.

Please share, as a Bi Millennial Catholic I'd love to read that. It can be a struggle at times. 

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2 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

Also very interesting. Do you think it's because those particular rituals weren't actually effective and needed to be replaced with other rituals that suit you better, or because they felt like an obligation at the time? The reason there are millions of different variants of each major religion (and the minor ones) is that people are different and have different spiritual needs. It stands to reason that rituals that work for Person A will not be as effective for Person B, and vice versa.

I think they weren't effective because of the stress to fit them in as obligations - kept me from going into the ritual in the right frame of mind. I think part of it will just be adding prayer time as part of my lunch break ritual (along with checking NF) and part of it will come from adding some rosary time to my evening wind down ritual (because nothing clears the mind for me quite like reciting prayers I know by heart, and I like that it lets me hold something that was near and dear to my grandparents in my hand as part of a daily ritual).

 

2 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

I like that you refer to sleep hygiene as "sleep rituals"! Rituals as a concept are not limited to religion and spirituality, but the way people talk about them sometimes  makes it seem that way, Rituals are an important part of group dynamics and communication when building and maintaining close relationships, but they're as important on an individual level, for our peace of mind and comfort. Most of us have a much larger number of personal rituals than I think we realize, and we perform them without recognizing their importance for our equilibrium. An obvious example is the things we do to "wind down" before going to bed. My ability to go to sleep, and sleep restfully, vanishes if I don't have my skin care ritual, followed by the tooth brushing ritual, followed by the read-for-a-while ritual.

:lol: I didn't even catch that I did that!!!! Must've been a subconscious processing thing coming from the discussion of spiritual / religious rituals. But totally true, the various rituals of daily and weekly and monthly life are so key for me to stay in touch with the many people who matter to me in my life. :)

 

2 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

And sleeping makes it easier to stay positive. :)

PREACH IT! I'm such a grump if I'm sleep deprived too many days in a row.

 

1 hour ago, JessFit said:

Please share, as a Bi Millennial Catholic I'd love to read that. It can be a struggle at times. 

https://vineandfig.co/blog Didn't realize you were also Catholic - talk about the magic of the internet finding another LGBT Millennial Catholic who's into weightlifting and nerdy stuff!

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4 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

https://vineandfig.co/blog Didn't realize you were also Catholic - talk about the magic of the internet finding another LGBT Millennial Catholic who's into weightlifting and nerdy stuff!

My family is so damn Irish Catholic, I even went to Catholic High School and College. I've still got the plaid skirt laying around somewhere to prove it... 

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4 hours ago, Mike Wazowski said:

I also just found* a blog / community / ministry specifically focused on LGBT Catholics written by two gay millennial Catholics like myself, so that's been reaffirming for my faith as well - just knowing there are others like me struggling with the same issues I struggle with is reaffirming to know I'm not alone in my journey.

this is so important in all aspects and one of the great things to have come from the internet is finding out how much "not alone" you are. 

 

4 hours ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Quick drive-by update: Hope and water are going well, sleep rituals have gone off the rails. I'm going to make a concerted effort to get that in check starting today by putting the phone in its spot and not letting it move from there once I'm home from practice for the night. But we can turn this around!

i will put my phone away with you tonight! we needs the sleep!

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1 hour ago, CourtnieMarie said:

this is so important in all aspects and one of the great things the greatest thing to have come from the internet is finding out how much "not alone" you are.

 

There, corrected that for you ;)

 

If there is only two other people in the world who have your hobby, you can now find them online. Previously isolated freaks of the world, unite!

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1 hour ago, scalyfreak said:

 

There, corrected that for you ;)

 

If there is only two other people in the world who have your hobby, you can now find them online. Previously isolated freaks of the world, unite!

Yeah Yah GIF - Yeah Yah Yass GIFs

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22 hours ago, JessFit said:

My family is so damn Irish Catholic, I even went to Catholic High School and College. I've still got the plaid skirt laying around somewhere to prove it... 

Haha definitely one-upping me - I only have the Catholic college. And probably actually prod my parents to go to church more than the reverse - blame it on mandatory theology classes in college? Or maybe finding solace in prayer after breaking up with my ex-fiancee. Probably the combo of those two.

 

21 hours ago, CourtnieMarie said:

this is so important in all aspects and one of the great things to have come from the internet is finding out how much "not alone" you are. 

20 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

There, corrected that for you ;)

 

If there is only two other people in the world who have your hobby, you can now find them online. Previously isolated freaks of the world, unite!

19 hours ago, Grumble said:

Yeah Yah GIF - Yeah Yah Yass GIFs

<3

 

21 hours ago, CourtnieMarie said:

i will put my phone away with you tonight! we needs the sleep!

I succeeded in parking it (after some fiddling to get it to air play to my bedroom speaker correctly - how'd yours go? (I also only half succeeded, because prior to that I spent a buncha time eating easter candy and scrolling instagram in between little bursts of packing - not my most productive time).

 

Wednesday Update:

Went out to lunch with friends and just generally didn't have a super productive work day, but that's ok - these things happen and it fueled some productive navel gazing about my work habits that led to me tweaking my approach today and hopefully keeping that tweaked approach going into future weeks. Dance practice after work was productive - we walked in with a plan to just do a buncha reps, we did it, and we left. Then I went home and packed while also eating leftover easter candy and periodically refreshing every possible source of stimulation on my phone. Still working on healing that relationship and viewing my phone as a tool for human connection forging, not just a distraction dispenser. But I did dim the lights and pray the rosary while winding down for bed, and I felt like it really helped me get into a peaceful mindset.

 

I'll be in Boston all weekend for a dance competition (hopefully seeing some awesome Boston nerds on Friday for dinner and/or drinks) and will just in general enjoy exploring the city - I'll check in with y'all on Monday, cause one of my work tweaks is only checking NF around my lunch hour.

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44 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

I succeeded in parking it (after some fiddling to get it to air play to my bedroom speaker correctly - how'd yours go? (I also only half succeeded, because prior to that I spent a buncha time eating easter candy and scrolling instagram in between little bursts of packing - not my most productive time).

 

i parked it during dinnertime and then had to have a house buying call and kind of forgot... oops. although i wasn't mindlessly scrolling insta so not too bad!

 

44 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

I'll be in Boston all weekend for a dance competition (hopefully seeing some awesome Boston nerds on Friday for dinner and/or drinks) and will just in general enjoy exploring the city - I'll check in with y'all on Monday, cause one of my work tweaks is only checking NF around my lunch hour.

tenor.gif

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On 4/15/2019 at 3:36 PM, Mike Wazowski said:

Don't overcommitI have a tendency to assume I have INFINITE ENERGY when planning out my weekends and weekdays with activities

Are you me? :) This is a major problem of mine. It drives my husband slightly crazy. 

 

Awesome on the good parent time :)

 

Also, the hope thing--love it! 

 

Sorry I am behind the curve here. 

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On 4/24/2019 at 6:36 PM, scalyfreak said:

The reason there are millions of different variants of each major religion (and the minor ones) is that people are different and have different spiritual needs. It stands to reason that rituals that work for Person A will not be as effective for Person B, and vice versa.

 

This is so true. And the reason that I never got into any spiritual routine (I mean shared with a community - those are the ones I feel I'm lacking of) is that there was always something that I'd disagree with. But now I see it was a rather idealistic expectation and I might as well have a finger in every pie... I mean, I'm not that opportunistic,  basically I join when invited, but I rarely go on my own initiative.

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1 hour ago, @mu said:

 

This is so true. And the reason that I never got into any spiritual routine (I mean shared with a community - those are the ones I feel I'm lacking of) is that there was always something that I'd disagree with. But now I see it was a rather idealistic expectation and I might as well have a finger in every pie... I mean, I'm not that opportunistic,  basically I join when invited, but I rarely go on my own initiative.

 

I see joining a religious group/community a little bit like entering into a committed life-long friendship or other kind of partnership. It's impossible to agree on everything, but you should absolutely make sure that you agree on the things that matter, before you make that kind of commitment.

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1 hour ago, @mu said:

 

This is so true. And the reason that I never got into any spiritual routine (I mean shared with a community - those are the ones I feel I'm lacking of) is that there was always something that I'd disagree with. But now I see it was a rather idealistic expectation and I might as well have a finger in every pie... I mean, I'm not that opportunistic,  basically I join when invited, but I rarely go on my own initiative.


Have you tried starting your own spiritual tradition? I mean, you could tailor it to your preferences. Actually inventing custom faiths sounds very sensible. But then there would be no community, so you would have to proselytise, which could be a lot of work. 

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1 hour ago, scalyfreak said:

 

I see joining a religious group/community a little bit like entering into a committed life-long friendship or other kind of partnership. It's impossible to agree on everything, but you should absolutely make sure that you agree on the things that matter, before you make that kind of commitment.

 

Good point. And that might well be why I'm a bit shy. When it comes to love relationships, I found that I'm monogamous, when it comes to spirituality, it seems I'm more of a polyamorous type (which does not imply a lack of commitment or loyalty, [digression] I liked that book on that specific topic: The Ethical Slut [/digression]).

You're right though that there has to be some kind of commitment to get deeper into those rituals otherwise they will remain a bit superficial if you're only an on-looker. Does it have to be unique, single-community based? I don't know.

 

55 minutes ago, Harriet said:


Have you tried starting your own spiritual tradition? I mean, you could tailor it to your preferences. Actually inventing custom faiths sounds very sensible. But then there would be no community, so you would have to proselytise, which could be a lot of work. 

 

I could be my own prophet ;) I see what you mean though, and at some point I did try to have some custom rituals. But as you say it's pretty lonely at first, and I did not manage to get a new cult started :P Actually these days I'm much more interested in sharing grounds with what already is (which is pretty rich and diverse), rather than focusing on differences or creating my own custom melting-pot. It's already there in a way and it comes from somewhere, it's not like I have invented anything new and it is this grounding/anchoring that I'm interested in. 

I like to share spiritual moments with a community, listening to sermons from existing traditions, reflecting on shared experiences, shared feelings, shared questioning. I have felt ah ah moments like Mike is talking about, in very different spiritual/religious environments. They gave me different perspectives and I really enjoy it. But I'm a bit shy because I don't feel like I reach the expected level of commitment with the whole of each of those environments. I don't really have a problem with that personally, I can deal with some level of inconsistency and I definitely do not want to commit on some items. But sometimes I'm not sure about the other side / don't want to offend.  So I let it go. But maybe I should work a bit more on that because it's actually easy/lazy to hide behind this sort of assumptions.

 

On 4/25/2019 at 7:48 PM, Mike Wazowski said:

I'll be in Boston all weekend for a dance competition (hopefully seeing some awesome Boston nerds on Friday for dinner and/or drinks) and will just in general enjoy exploring the city - I'll check in with y'all on Monday, cause one of my work tweaks is only checking NF around my lunch hour.

 

Enjoy! Will you be doing the same routine at this new comp?

 

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On 4/26/2019 at 1:28 PM, Harriet said:

Have you tried starting your own spiritual tradition? I mean, you could tailor it to your preferences. Actually inventing custom faiths sounds very sensible. But then there would be no community, so you would have to proselytise, which could be a lot of work. 

Step 1: Create your own traditions

Step 2: Use those traditions to be a better person (in your eyes)

Step 3: ???

Step 4: Prophet?

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On 4/26/2019 at 3:28 PM, Harriet said:


Have you tried starting your own spiritual tradition? I mean, you could tailor it to your preferences. Actually inventing custom faiths sounds very sensible. But then there would be no community, so you would have to proselytise, which could be a lot of work. 

Its hard man, there's all this expectation and historical record around what a faith community needs to look like; similar beliefs, similar practices, similar lifestyles; but there are other ways to do spiritual life with other humans. Like disjointed mystics that honor the longing for god in each other, even while they don't share a lot of specific practices in common. Like massive marriage contracts where everyone is each others spouse, and you make really good silverware. Like the unitarian church where you only agree on social justice and human kindness.

 

On 4/26/2019 at 3:06 PM, scalyfreak said:

 

I see joining a religious group/community a little bit like entering into a committed life-long friendship or other kind of partnership. It's impossible to agree on everything, but you should absolutely make sure that you agree on the things that matter, before you make that kind of commitment.

What about dating a religious community, like going out with one or several to see if they flip some important switches? Even being polyamorous with a few religious communities at once, like witch friends that love both their synagogue, and love the feminine divine with their coven? Some dear catholic friends interact with their faith community in a way that my baptist upbringing would disparage; the Catholics practicing the rituals faithfully, but not sharing Monday through Saturday secular life with their faith community. My old baptist perspective would term those Catholics as weekend cohabitors. But damnit, have you met some couples that work in different cities and really only get together to fuck each-others brains out over the weekend, spend perfect lazy afternoons at the farmers markets, then go back to work sore and smiling on Monday? It werks for some folks, and those folks are some of the most grounded and deeply spiritual humans I know.

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On 4/29/2019 at 3:21 PM, Laghail said:

What about dating a religious community, like going out with one or several to see if they flip some important switches? Even being polyamorous with a few religious communities at once, like witch friends that love both their synagogue, and love the feminine divine with their coven? Some dear catholic friends interact with their faith community in a way that my baptist upbringing would disparage; the Catholics practicing the rituals faithfully, but not sharing Monday through Saturday secular life with their faith community. My old baptist perspective would term those Catholics as weekend cohabitors. But damnit, have you met some couples that work in different cities and really only get together to fuck each-others brains out over the weekend, spend perfect lazy afternoons at the farmers markets, then go back to work sore and smiling on Monday? It werks for some folks, and those folks are some of the most grounded and deeply spiritual humans I know.

That paragraph took a hard turn....lol. As one of those Catholics (who doesn't even engage with his community every Sunday), I will say that for me there's almost a weekly and a daily rhythm to my faith life. Daily, I try to make time to acknowledge God / find God in something in the world around me (side note: "finding God in all things" is a very Jesuit idea that I've tried hard to incorporate into my worldview - harder some days and with some people than others).

 

On 4/25/2019 at 1:36 PM, CourtnieMarie said:

i parked it during dinnertime and then had to have a house buying call and kind of forgot... oops. although i wasn't mindlessly scrolling insta so not too bad!

I've been so bad at this! But tonight, I get back on the wagon!!

 

On 4/25/2019 at 1:36 PM, CourtnieMarie said:

tenor.gif

It was great meeting you and seeing @raptron again!!!! DP (dance partner) and I will definitely be back in Boston again, so hopefully we can make this a recurring thing. :)

 

On 4/26/2019 at 11:58 AM, Katerina said:

Are you me? :) This is a major problem of mine. It drives my husband slightly crazy. 

Kindred spirits for sure - I was that kid in high school who did ALL the things (like literally, one day might be morning swim practice then more swimming after school THEN getting on the bus to go to a mathletes competition and not getting home til after 10 pm - and my mom, bless her, would deliver dinner to me as I was walking from swim practice to the math bus because there wasn't enough room in my backpack for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner).

 

On 4/26/2019 at 11:58 AM, Katerina said:

Awesome on the good parent time :)

:D

 

On 4/26/2019 at 11:58 AM, Katerina said:

Also, the hope thing--love it! 

Yep, it's still inconsistent, but working to make it a regular part of my life.

 

On 4/26/2019 at 11:58 AM, Katerina said:

Sorry I am behind the curve here. 

Zero apologies necessary, ever - you're showing up to share in my journey in a way that works with everything else you've got going on in your life. And I'm happy to have you here! :D

 

On 4/26/2019 at 1:46 PM, @mu said:

This is so true. And the reason that I never got into any spiritual routine (I mean shared with a community - those are the ones I feel I'm lacking of) is that there was always something that I'd disagree with. But now I see it was a rather idealistic expectation and I might as well have a finger in every pie... I mean, I'm not that opportunistic,  basically I join when invited, but I rarely go on my own initiative.

Honestly, I've been evolving in this way too - I used to need to agree 100% with my faith community, but I've become more accepting of differences in what folks think is right - even if I'll make a passionate argument on my viewpoint for some things (like the Church being more accepting and welcoming of LGBT Catholics including their sexuality).

 

On 4/26/2019 at 3:06 PM, scalyfreak said:

I see joining a religious group/community a little bit like entering into a committed life-long friendship or other kind of partnership. It's impossible to agree on everything, but you should absolutely make sure that you agree on the things that matter, before you make that kind of commitment.

I *think* I do this - even though now I commonly describe myself as a "Catholic heretic" in a tongue-in-cheek way when describing my faith :lol:

 

On 4/26/2019 at 5:05 PM, @mu said:

Enjoy! Will you be doing the same routine at this new comp?

Sort of - we keep basically the same 5 routines (one for each of the five competitive latin dances) for our entire competitive careers, just evolving it either as things naturally start to cry out for changes (usually, if we're ready to be more challenged in the choreography OR if happy accidents improve it artistically in some way OR if one section starts really shining and begs to be evolved into a longer bit so it can highlight our skill) and occasionally doing a complete overhaul if we feel like we really need it. For this competition, we had one half of a new routine because we're actually competing with some practice routines standing in for our eventual choreo. But now we're in all hands on deck mode to get our full program up and running, so by the end of May we'll have everything learned. 

 

On 4/28/2019 at 1:29 PM, Mad Hatter said:

I love how your passion for teaching shines through, it's lovely. :) 

Thank you!!!! My kiddos really are the highlight of my week, almost every week - it's so fun to see them slowly evolving into their own people. :)

 

So, weekend update (plus Monday and Tuesday):

  • Friday was a great time exploring Boston in spite of the rain - we mostly walked around the Harvard area because my partner was an alum, and it included poking around the main library at Harvard and seeing their extensive non-English language collections; really reignited my passion to learn languages and explore the world through travel in a moment where my partner pointed to an Arabic newspaper and said "wow, that's so cool" and I half-jokingly said "and to millions of people, that's just a newspaper :P" but then realized that I want to really travel and know other places and cultures
  • Friday ended with awesome nerd dinner (plus some dance peeps - my partner and another couple sharing an Airbnb with us) with CM and raptron and it was a grand ole time - but wrapped up early enough we all got to bed with plenty of time for the competition the next day
  • Saturday was spent socializing with our competitors, prepping for and competing - we got some amazing positive audience feedback (multiple groups made a point to talk to us and tell us how much they enjoyed our performance, plus some of DP's college friends specifically complimented the strength of his leg action / command of dynamics and my flexibility in body / hip action on certain steps - so we know our strengths are starting to show up on the floor). Unfortunately, judges' marks were quite disappointing, so we went out afterwards and drowned our sorrows in margaritas and mexican food and generally chatted about life for a while
  • Sunday was a pretty early morning (getting in an Uber at 6:30) and then we flew home, took class, and had a long debrief with our coach - best part of all this was that we got some mindset adjustments to help use the disappointing results to fuel our competitive fire to train, and also to start structuring our approach to practices and competitions differently; all in all, not the worst day
  • Still did my usual meal prep but was mostly trying to catch up on grad school work on Sunday evening - I really am looking forward to a couple weeks' hiatus from this, and even more to being done completely this fall. Just 4 more weeks then 1 more class to power through
  • Got a bit of a dating life disappointment on Monday and I took it hard - I have a tendency to be a hopeless romantic and invest far too much emotionally too early, rather than letting that grow slowly over time (doesn't help that dates are generally spaced far apart because of my INTENSE schedule as an athlete with a day job plus grad school work). I'm still rumbling with the vulnerability and pain that it surfaced for me, I wasn't expecting to be put into that much of an emotional tailspin, especially by a disappointment totally beyond my control. I've made big strides in how I'm coping / handling it, but the process to get there was not as graceful as it could be. I think although romantic prospects are dead, there's still the possibility of a real friendship, so I can take consolation in that.
  • Had a good solo practice yesterday, plus mucking around for a bit learning the kids' routines with a fellow teacher. The mucking around was especially fun, it felt good to push myself to execute at a high level even while learning the patterns for the first time (and I'll hopefully be able to push myself on that execution going forward while dancing with the kids, instead of looking a little lost like I did last competition with them - the curse of not getting many reps leading up to the comp).

Speaking of just barely getting by, I didn't succeed at many of my goals this weekend. I'm gonna goal set even lower than I had for this challenge: I'm just going to get through the rest of the month with grad school, put in good efforts in the gym and in dance training, and do my best to stay on track with food and make sure I reach out for social support from good friends.  Water and prayer / mindfulness are both great, but I'll report on them qualitatively for awareness, without a specific goal for the time being. Oh, and I'll hopefully get back to better sleep habits - i haven't gotten more than 6 hours since getting back from Boston and that's *not* sustainable longer term.

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"I didn't succeed at many of my goals this weekend."

Maybe not, but you had a really intense and busy weekend and it seems like you had good focus on other things that mattered. 

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ugh - sorry to hear about the disappointing scores! though it's almost better to hear good feedback from peers who are "in the trenches" with you as it were. glad you are using is to fuel your fire. and also no one needs an excuse for 'ritas and Mexican food! maybe next time you visit it'll be better weather for that :D 

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1 hour ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Honestly, I've been evolving in this way too - I used to need to agree 100% with my faith community, but I've become more accepting of differences in what folks think is right

 

Think of it this way: If everyone agreed on every single point, you would be in a cult. ;)

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