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Morag

Morag swishes and flicks - and ennunciates

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Well... It's that time again: time for a new challenge!

The Hype is real.

 

So I have been going to school - by train - for a couple of weeks. Now I am interning and writing applications. Soon I will go back to school for another two weeks.

 

It's not quite platform 9 3/4, but close enough, don't you think?

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I have a heaping lot on my plate (don't we all???):

 

* I am getting certified to be a non-medical care person for elderly homes.

* I have want to find a place to work.

* I have want to write and hand in my paper on time.

* I have want to present the content of my paper well in front of my classmates.

 

* I am getting therapy for my neurasthenie (sp).

 

* My hubby and I struggle with our marriage.

 

* My weight is going in the wrong direction (up vs down).

To keep the stress-related kitchen raids in check I currently play with an intermittent fasting app. The black&white nature of fasting (now you can eat, now you can't helps me preserve willpower, because I don't have to watch and moderate my actions all the time. Some of the time it's a solid "no, wait till later". This week is rather all over plan wise, but I am still complying, although I had to move fasting intervals a few times to make them work with life.

 

* I had a "don't buy bullshit food" thing, at the end of last challenge, but not doing so well with that. This needs refining.

No one is born a potions master, I just need additional tutoring... I do - just have to find the time.

 

Talking about time: no cheating!

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So for my current curriculum:

 

* Write application(s?) - find a place of employment for myself

* Write term paper

* Study and work hard

 

* Smile

 

* Schedule and execute breaks and me-time segments at least two per week. I get a bonus thingy for the third. (Knitting while watching Sabrina, or rewatching any of the HarryPotter/NewtScamander movies counts. Non-magical movies/shows count too.)

 

* Smile some more

 

* Get to bed before 22h (unless fasting all day, then you can stay up until end of fast and have a Light meal before bed). (This needs fixing. I know varying the fasting time keeps my body on its toes and all that, but my eating should serve me, I shouldn't serve my fasting schedule. Especially with going out of the house for interning, school and -hopefully soon- work.)

(Will adjust when I have had time for a good thinking-through)

 

 

 

Everyday things that are always on my list:

* parent my boys (and myself, admittedly),

* be present with hubby - aim to think possitive things - don't imagine the worst,

* breathe

 

Hubby saw a plushy the other day... aint he cute? (No, we didn't bring him home.)

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send from my new phone, bear with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Truly lovely to have you along for the ride, guys. What a week! (Yes, it is only thursday. Le sigh.)

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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Was out for a spontaneous, sunset/moonrise trip to the beach of my childhood last night. So worth it! I went alone, and I thought I'd packed the matches but didn't, but here, have a look see.
It was so very beautiful.

I complied with all my fasting shennanigans, though I wasn't sure that I would be able to (30h fast is a beast). But I did it and I am stronger for it. Gotta work this afternoon/evening, but it will be ok.

Thought hubby and I were close to done with each other. He disagrees. Vehemently. Hope. Funny thing, hope.

So far so good.
Sat work till 6:30p.m.
Then off until Tue 9a.m. looking forward to "going back to normal" (whatever that may mean) next week when school resumes.

Can't find my meditation pillow or the one book of starhawk I really want to find. Basement? Inlaws? Harumpf.

Anyway, here have some April full moon sunset moonrise pictures.fce3649e7a7e81dc2450442834b6c5da.jpg0d9ff4ae1edefb8a2f8cd8683b0bd438.jpg4b058b820ba85c09795bcb389e618977.jpg3b87f755ab01a99e2a251c0a429819c1.jpg0619d8830160d39ac64d17ef01a034fa.jpgeb08f3bf663b41d248250518e9f6163d.jpg0a0b6ce8f1803bca9dc9c628049b0803.jpgdd05496a225f4fc145b163381dc1bdf6.jpg

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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What beautiful pictures! Maybe this could become a challenge of hope for you? Hope can be a very powerful thing. 

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It is Tuesday morning. I am sitting at the bus stop to work. I brought my bike and chained it to a lamp post here, so I have the bike when I get back this afternoon: after work grocery shopping for the win.

I had a lovely if a bit mad easter weekend. Having the kids back at home is nice yet infuriating. It does take a bit of getting back in sync with each other after more than a week of "vacation at grandma's / childless bliss".

So the little one has been pumping the tear ducts last night and this morning. But for right now I have the energy to hold my ground. Half a year ago that was not the case at all, and I am cherrishing it.
(Yes, you will brush your teeth in the morning, and no, that does not mean you don't have to do it right now, does grandma let you get away with this(?) Get a move on!
10th repeat: go back to bed, you can't fall asleep standing up, I know your bed is unfamiliar, but go back to bed. (AGAIN.)
Neither kid wants to take a packed lunch, and I am really not a fan of them having no food, if they change their tiny little minds lateron... le sigh)

But such is life and I wouldn't want to miss it.

I have been reading quite a lot in my Vicky Gabriel book, I have had this urge to get more meditation and other "spiritual things" back into my life, the book is sorted along the year, set up so one can "hop on" anytime along the path, so I plan to do that, possibly, with the next new moon, which is chapter 3 and will be starting on May 6th, it will entail a chapter about the Lindentree, seeing that sent me down an entire rabbits burrow of tunnels: read up on lindentree flowers and elderflowers and such... making plans to collect/harvest and dry my own, make a insect bite remedy (Spitzwegerich-Creme) and a cough syrup (also Spitzwegerich) and a tea mixture against flu-like plagues (Lindentree flowers, Elderflowers and "Mädesüß", whatever that is.
I took a minor walk (the kids took their bikes) with the kids, found a few lindentrees far enough from the road, for flower collecting and meditation, similar for Elder (sambucus nigra) found a loooot of plants growing and flowering right now, no surprise, (no Spitzwegerich though). The kids' basic botanical education is seriously lacking. I was appalled at them not knowing the simplest Flowers even by their common names. I took first steps to remedy that.

So that was my easter monday morning. Afternoon was boardgames and chat with dear friend from my uni days, he's moved to Berlin and was here for part of the easter break, was really nice. He's the one who pushed me towards stoicism way back when.

That happened, had some fresh baked bread (not the improvised full moon thing, but an actual bread recipe) and tomato-margerine (friend is vegan - I like butter better, but I can adjust).
During game break, LittleBoy and I planted a hydro culture of tomatoes, basil and Kapuzinerkresse, and prepped the container for our potato-experiment (have to read up how to grow potatoes). And I even cleaned up the kitchen enough to not be ashamed of myself... not proud yet, just not ashamed.

Today, is my next to last day at work... I have no idea what to make for my colleagues for a going away treat... they were so nice to me...
Maybe waffles? Or a cake? But what kind? I have no idea...

So far my Tuesday morning ramblings. I have two more days at work. And I seriously don't want to be done with my internship. I just want to find a place to put down roots... I know it will come, but still.

Easter Monday duck family on the pond in our park.
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BigBoy threatening tongue, LittleOne tickling my ear with a leaf of grass. Life could be worse indeed.
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Love you Rangers.

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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Today is the last day of my internship. I've loved working there, it's been good. I hope I'll hear something possitive from my application.

 

Late last night I made waffle dough (12 eggs, 500g fat, 5 tbsp sugar, 4 pcks vanille sugar, 1kg flour, 1l milk, and put that ouside overnight) today I will pack that up. Today I am taking all that with me to work, plus waffle iron, plus ingredients and tools to make the same amount again. and I'll make waffles for my lovely coworkers and the inhabitants of the home.

 

I hope it'll all turn out well.

I am not just a little nervous.

 

I had a super long day yesterday (Wednesday).

I send the kids to school.

I tied a dreamcatcher web into one of the wooden rings I had ordered, and hung that onto the outside of our apartment door.

I hopped onto my bike (forgot the helmet again).

Cycled to market, bought beeswax and a tin of lipbalm and a pot of Lindentree honey from the honey person.

Went and bought too many plants (one each: thyme, oregano, Liebstöckel, spearmint, Sauerampfer, and strawberry) which then stayed with me through almost every other thing I did until I planted them on the balcony with Bigboy.

 

Went (=cycled with plants in my bike basket) to the Asia market to buy a Yubu Chobap kit. Looking forward to showing that delicious magic to my korean-and-japanese-food-loving kids. And bought a pair of metal chopsticks for way too much money.

 

Went (=still same) to Aldi, bought stuff. They have those air fryers for 70€ at the moment. Way too big a box to buy while out with a bike, _thankfully_. Plus 70€ is a sum of money for a kitchen appliance i have no room for in my kitchen and have not budgeted for.

 

I hit Rossmann (drugstore) and printed some of the recent pictures and bought a "beautiful memories" photo album.

 

Went to therapy. Had a talk. Sorted some stuff out, had time to talk about some things I struggle with, and to make plans to talk about that more too.

 

Journalled in my therapy journal.

Looked up how to grow potatoes.

 

Went and met with dear friend who recently beat cancer (hopefully for good). Had lunch and a long chat and that was lovely.

 

Recieved message from hubby. Hopped on the bike (= again with the plants) to hubby because he wanted me to come to his work.

Did that. Stood with my bike and my plants in front of the bookshop in main station and realized he wanted to see Endgame, and if I don't want to that he'd watch it alone.

Hubby put plants into employees lounge and I put bike away and messaged BigBoy about taking care of himself and the little one. It all worked.

 

Afterwards we meandered home. Then I enlisted Bigboy (Littleboy was being a devil) into helping me pot the plants into the planter boxes and that took it's own sweet time.

 

When we were done with that, everything cleaned back up, I whipped up half a badge of lactose free waffle dough and made waffles for everyone (leftovers packed for today).

Had a waffle and some mini salamis.

 

Finally I washed all the tools, and did it two more times with normal milk, packed that up and put it on the balcony.

 

Then I went straight to bed and slept like a dead person (until hubby's alarm at quarter to four) and napped since then. My alarm came and went, and eventually my "get a move on" alarm did the same.

 

Now it's 20min until the kids have to head out for school. I better get moving.

 

My therapist is right, I do am doing a lot more, putting a lot more on my plate and I do handle it better.

 

But still: some me time coming up (as soon as I figure out what).

 

 

Remember that episode of Sabrina (the old show) where she made a double of herself, multiples as I remember to get all the things done and still relax...?

 

I remember only vaguely too, it backfired somehow... but still...0e9ead8b7eb8338adffc0d8dcf4a9558.jpg288415d2e702e4fc31df83233eb7fb3e.jpg64bff626334b62b83a603f7a06da4510.jpg72f2891157943ea5957eddc450ca2e24.jpg

 

send from my new phone, bear with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Waffles, plants, photos, farmers market, and a movie ...  It all sounds lovely!  Busy but lovely!!! 

 

 

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I came to the (not so sudden) realization that I don't want to do this 16/8 thing for the rest of my life.
I am now giving 14/10 another serious consideration. But last night I realized HOW MUCH not eating phases stand in the way of family meals, breakfast, or dinner, no matter, and that's just not worth it. When I am out and about to work or school, I adjusted my schedule to fit that, but recently I have found the pleasure of sticking to my plan way, way less rewarding than the "sry, I can't I'm still fasting" is annoying.

I am giving the 14/10 another week, if that doesn't allow itself to be worked into my life either I will have to return to the drawing board. I like the NF way of eating. I never reached lvl 7 for any length of time, but I will look into it. Or that intuitive eating tging so many talk about, I may have to read up on that...
Not sure.

Long family day. Having pictures printed, buying containers (creme tins and weck-glasses). Then teenage cloths shopping from hell. Then lunch with my mum, then window shopping and buying nothing. Then Fair (big wheel and auto scooter and ice cream) and getting home before rain.
Now I am knackered (!!)

Relaxing on the couch. Putting pics in the new album, watching some elementary, possibly GrimDawn later.

Found some plantago lanceolata... not enough away from roads, but there may be hope still for the insect bite cream and the cough syrup...

No pic today



send from my new phone, bear with me.

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I feel unhappy.
I am in the mood to make some potions and I will brew another cup of ginger tea for myself and cook a (bigger than last time) pot of onion soup for my cold. But the things I really want to make, I can't make yet, because the plants outside aren't there yet.

Grandma's Holler syrup (Sambucus nigra flowers)
Pic from last year:
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Cough syrup (Plantago lanceolata)
Insect bite creme (same)
Tea mix against colds (flowers of either Tilia cordata or Tilia platyphyllos (Linden tree), Sambucus nigra (Elderflower), as well as the flowers of a plant I don't know yet Filipendula vulgaria (meadowsweet Mädesüß)).
If I can't tell the later with confidence I will buy it in the shop (no surprises).
But they are all not ready yet. And I have studying to do. But I want to play! Yes, I am aware that I sound like a spoiled child.

I've been struggling to make myself sit down with a journal at all. Same goes for bedtime. It's like I am a child again, dragging my feet and clawing at thw doorframe because she doesn't want to be put to bed.
It's ridiculous! And I don't mean the spell against boggarts.

Last night I delegated supper-making (open sandwiches, easy enough) to the BigBoy and thought to myself: why not make that a regular thing? Twice a week one kid does it, twice the other (with help), and twice do I, then we have Monday's off because gaming, and that would be perfect. If hubby wants to help he can support the little one or switch with someone (shift work being what it is) and I think I will speak to the kids about moving their bedtime... Separating quiet time from bedtime. I want them to learn to start quieting their own minds down in the evenings. So an end to screens, getting bed ready, but not needing to go to bed yet, will see what the little ones say to that.

Currently I see my "end of day" / "mom off duty" when they are in bed and the LittleBoy stopped getting back up finally... which can be quite late and unpredictable.

If we get to a place of cooperative (taking turns) supper and an end to awakeness without constant enforcement that would be nice.

Just my sleepy mind rambling on and on, sorry.

Been unseasonably dry this April, worrisome. I hope we get some rain soon, preferably overnights, but I am at a point where I am not too picky any more. Poor flora.

Kids help water the balcony, happy surprise.
Little one found stop-motion-videos... I love my kids. They are a heaping handful sometimes, but I love them to bits.


send from my new phone, bear with me.

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Weird mood in the household over the weekend. Hubby is sad/depressed/melancholic, the kids are all over the place, "all the sceens all the time" / "nope, mum, don't wanna". So, as per usual these days, our one free weekend per month, we had an awesomely exhausting time of it.

And yeah, today I feel like bitching and moaning. Sry.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Or at least a new one.

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send from my new phone, bear with me.

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Or not.

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I figured out why the LittleOne doesn't go to school with joy right now but instead I need a prybar everytime I try separating him from any screen.
I thought yesterday's "everyone pitches in - we are co-habitat-ing-team or else" was a success, and I guess it was: BigBoy vacuumed the livingroom, LittleBoy emptied out dishwasher, both together filled dishwasher again and hung up washed laundry...
It worked. I made waffles for dinner (yeah, I know, not healthy, moving on) they did chores. We laughed.
Sounds good in my head.
This morning, running late, the LittleOne confessed to the teacher writing a letter to me, and him not showing me, he is missing a book without which he can't propperly participate, and he didn't at all want to go to school. Under tears he didn't want to go.

Wrote a return letter, promised we'd take care of the situation. Asked she be kind to the kid, he didn't want to go at all, appreciate him being there at all.
Big picture I have these bucking and fighting children, they are like that every time I get them back from grandma's. It has been getting old for a WHILE. But I don't know what to do about it. I am glad they take the kids sometimes. Working internship, or anything really, during school break or weekends... that's a huge safety net... but arguing with the kids about everything from brushing teeth to bed time it's just not cool.

I pulled the reins some last night, insisting they both help. It's stupid that I overslept this morning and woke the kids up with too little time to get ready, no wonder they (=the little one) were (was) bucking and planting his verbal feet.

Le sigh.
Gotta do a grocery haul and meet myself in my favourite food place for lunch. Then therapy, then couch(?). Possibly.

I just don't know. Life is weirdly hard right now.

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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image.png.a40a11951155ffc87f243838601d4a2f.png

 

Sorry everything is so rough right now. The kids helping with dinner is a great idea though. They can do that.

I love your potion making. Can't wait until all the flowers come out. So cool!

 

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Sorry everything is so rough right now. The kids helping with dinner is a great idea though. They can do that.
I love your potion making. Can't wait until all the flowers come out. So cool!
 
Thanks guys.

Life is life (nanananana!). It's just what it is. Sometimes I have been an adult for too long of a time, and just have to throw a tantrum for a bit. You know, for balance.
I am bullsh!tting, I have no clue why I sometimes feel like a spoiled child. Moving on.
Started the day with kids getting up reasonably on time, without need to argue with them, made strawberry-banana-milkshake because I wanted to do that yesterday, but came home too late to do that. Made a dish of breakfast and a casserole dish of lunch to bake up later as in now (https://www.marksdailyapple.com/keto-zoodle-alfredo/?utm_source=like2buy.curalate.com&crl8_id=57a4cd3c-0a36-4a03-b6e0-a26d84e2012d) with some variations made. Sat with candle, blanket and tea, did some meditation/wicca reading, took some notes.
Made a list of priorities, actionable steps for my homework thing... actually for the must-do's for this week.
Added a few "woudn't that be nice"s just to be sure it's not all serious.
Read some more. Had a long-ish talk with friend.

Weekend was big. Said friend got a puppy. We had LittleBoy with us to pick the puppy up, I drove back, so that she could be with the pup, puppy got car sick, among other things, so I am happy for her getting a puppy and seriously bummed that it's not me getting a puppy and my kids are super-awesome kids and yeah... a bit of everything, but way less bitchy than last week.

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TL'DR I want a puppy too, my kids are awesome!

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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Well, it happened again: I have a high priority item on my list, and in favour of getting that one thing done I completely blocked out every other thing I ever learned, including but not limited to getting to bed, handling my procrastination tendencies, reading on the forums, posting on the forums, posting on my own thread.

So, yeah, sorry?

 

I got the report done, of course, as per always, right around midnight the night before I have to hand it in. With less than 6h of sleep I am now awake, will do the shower and dressing myself thing right after this post, then wake the kids, print out the report and pack it up, hussle the kids and myself out the door... it's the 10th last day of school, Friday next week I will get my certificate and be done with school for now again. In no particular order: I have not found a place of employment yet, only written the one application, I have not finished the baby blanket for my friend yet (train rides I believe in you!), I have not saved my marriage, I have not gotten a puppy (nor will get one anytime soon get), my weight is not moving down, I have stopped the intermittent fasting thing, I just hate not eating with my kids more than I like any potential benefits of which I have seen non thus far anyway. My therapist has me doing the gratitude log again, it may be helping, life's in turmoil again, so I am not entirely sure. Kids are beautiful, but need a firm hand regarding personal hygiene and personal space hygiene, bu,t heck, so do I.

 

Biggest (!!!) thank you ever to[mention=49606]Casbin[/mention] for helping me unfuck that report of mine, even reading the last edit way after your bedtime and sending me a confidence boosting message too. You are seriously an unbelievably good friend!! And I am so very utterly grateful and appreciative and thankful. I know those all mean the same thing, just one wasn't nearly enough though.

 

Anyway I gotta hussle. Hoping in the shower, making breakfast and lunch boxes, and waking kids and all the things.

 

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts, guys. I am glad I have this corner here to hang out in. Even though I am a sucky friend sometimes, as self-absorbed as I am so often these days, I think of you guys often. Thanks for having me.

 

 

Lot's of Love

Katrin

 

 

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Planter boxes for @Thom, yes, I have the benefit of living in a decidious kind of environment. But a south facing, 5 1/2-sides enclosed, painted white balcony does get kind of oven-esk at times...

 

 

PS papercrafts Elite: Dangerous Cobra Mk. III.

Also been practicing on the piano (keyboard really), almost have the beginning of 'My Bonny is over the ocean' down, finally doing things I wanna do, and if it's just 5min/a day that's 150min/month more than I did for the last 10 years! A win is a win.

 

send from my new phone, bear with me.

 

 

 

 

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Life is such a messy thing!!

Note to self: go to fucking sleep at night!
Doing shit with less than 6h of night sleep sucks.
Doing it with less than 5 is just bullocks.
Remember this. Please. FFS PLEASE REMEMBER THIS.

'Nuff said.

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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On 5/13/2019 at 12:55 AM, Morag said:

Well, it happened again: I have a high priority item on my list, and in favour of getting that one thing done I completely blocked out every other thing I ever learned, including but not limited to getting to bed, handling my procrastination tendencies, reading on the forums, posting on the forums, posting on my own thread.

So, yeah, sorry? I really focused and did it.

 

I got the report done, of course, as per always, right around midnight the night before I have to hand it in. With less than 6h of sleep I am now awake, will do the shower and dressing myself thing right after this post, then wake the kids, print out the report and pack it up, hussle the kids and myself out the door... it's the 10th last day of school, Friday next week I will get my certificate and be done with school for now again. I worked really hard and now I'm graduating. I'm rightfully proud of that.

 

In no particular order: I have not found a place of employment yet, only written the but I have filled out one application and will look for other opportunities, I have not finished the baby blanket for my friend yet (train rides I believe in you!) but I've been really really busy. I like knitting, so I'll get it done when I can. I have not saved my marriage, but I'm doing what I can. This is really stressful, and it's amazing that I've managed to hold the family together in the midst of all this strain. I have not gotten a puppy (nor will get one anytime soon get), my weight is not moving down, I have stopped the intermittent fasting thing, I just hate not eating with my kids more than I like any potential benefits of which I have seen non thus far anyway. My therapist has me doing the gratitude log again, it may be helping, life's in turmoil again, so I am not entirely sure. Kids are beautiful, but need a firm hand regarding personal hygiene and personal space hygiene, bu,t heck, so do I.

 

Something like this is how I see it.

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Something like this is how I see it.
Xena, you are a wonderful friend, thank you.

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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