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Thom Stépan

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This challenge coincides with my next Life Coaching in class time. This time I am studying NLP.

 

This will be an interesting period. 7 days of intensive training in Neuro Linguistic Programming will be fascinating experience.

 

My challenge is focussed on this period of learning and helping myself out of the funk I have been in for the past couple of weeks.

 

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Following. When I first learned about NLP I was very skeptical. Now I'm not skeptical.
I first heard about it whilst studying Linguistics in uni. It was only in passing, but piqued my interest.

Back in 2016 as I did the SuperDad programme I learned a bit more about NLP. I used it to help me beat depression.

Whilst I don't believe it is the be all and end all, I do believe reframing thoughts around certain topics can help a person to move forward in their lives.

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cool!

 

so how does that work, exactly (or approximately)...

is there a lot of meditation?  is it based upon blogging or journaling??

 

:curious

 

as for the funk.  yeah.  its really Hard to stay out of it.  its like the mud I'm always walking through on my hikes.  unwelcome, uncomfortable, and while not Unavoidable- difficult to walk around at the very least.

 

anyways; following.

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cool!
 
so how does that work, exactly (or approximately)...
is there a lot of meditation?  is it based upon blogging or journaling??
 
:curious
 
as for the funk.  yeah.  its really Hard to stay out of it.  its like the mud I'm always walking through on my hikes.  unwelcome, uncomfortable, and while not Unavoidable- difficult to walk around at the very least.
 
anyways; following.
Works more along the lines of affirmations.

You reframe a limiting belief (negative thought) and then focus your attention on the new thought/belief that will help you move forwards in your life.

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On 4/17/2019 at 9:44 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following. When I first learned about NLP I was very skeptical. Now I'm not skeptical.

 

I hadn't heard of it until Thom mentioned it. I looked it up. Based on the Wikipedia page (which I know is superficial and can be biased), I'm skeptical. But skeptical just in the sense that I have no experience with it and wouldn't swallow it wholesale.

 

On 4/18/2019 at 10:21 AM, Thom Stépan said:

Whilst I don't believe it is the be all and end all, I do believe reframing thoughts around certain topics can help a person to move forward in their lives.

 

The way you've phrased this I'm vastly less skeptical :-)

Sounds like there are useful elements of the technique.

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I will have to look into this word magic you speak of. Curious indeed.

Glad you are here and doing the thing.

As always, with my pompoms and my broomstick.
Katrin

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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Following! :)

 

On 4/20/2019 at 9:45 AM, Thom Stépan said:

You reframe a limiting belief (negative thought) and then focus your attention on the new thought/belief that will help you move forwards in your life.

I like how this sounds, very interested to learn more about it

((hugs)) my friend!

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I have had an enjoyable Easter break. With nearly a week with my youngest three kids.

I went to Bec's house on Thursday and stayed the night. Friday we went to the local park had a late breakfast and mini Easter egg hunt for the kids. We then headed to a local reserve to hike one of the trails there.

After lunch I brought my youngest three home. We had a relaxing weekend, colouring in Easter pictures, watching Yugioh, and taking trips to local parks for walks.

Tomorrow I am driving my kids home to their Mum's.

Jen, the daughter that I struggled with, took that photo of me heading down the trail in my blue shirt and with my walking stick. She said to her mum that I was like the cool family friend or uncle that visits to do fun stuff with.

That is massive change in her thoughts towards me. Last year she threatened to stab her mother and younger sister Emmy because I lived at home. She was a big reason I moved out.

She stopped calling me Dad, and calls me Thom. I still consider her my daughter. The one I failed to be the dad she actually needed. 6500bbd82ba4ff1a1406d146a56d83c9.jpg9e47dda4b07ac4c76f3a10c5929ad726.jpg11094b9728d7131b6c13de4cc4bda79d.jpg4c23d5fce43e10aedf779018c0a7cfd8.jpg3419960ce283a9a44641754d06dd5e1f.jpgbaf1121a62d1c3ac8c364bb76b1181d9.jpg5a3a27525c1ce7c44a0c25efd685a7d4.jpgc78906ad11d0a4aa83d608021dbadef3.jpgc1e5ab893b3c07343379f5cf543b5fe9.jpg

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Sounds like a nice weekend. Glad your relationship with your daughter has improved, even if it might not be what you would like. As you've said, she's still your daughter, and we are all works in progress.

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Lovely pictures, Thom which part of Aus do you hail from? I've never been, though I admit it is on my list of places.
Such a beautiful place. Not traditionally beautiful, admittedly, but I am an earth person and I did study biology for a while, for me it is quite beautiful.
Looks like you all had a share of the hammock. Well done!

Quite the compliment, she did you there, and quite a different tune than in the past. Glad to see you all in so much a better place.



send from my new phone, bear with me.

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wow.

there's a heck of a backstory there;

but happily

 

it seems that things are healing up nicely.

 

life with kids can be hard and complicated.  but beautiful moments like that can help so much!

 

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Morag, I grew up in West Australia, moved to South Australia in 2005 and moved to New South Wales in 2012. I live some 4000km from my parents.

The bush walk photos are from a small town called Cootamundra. The hill we were on is literally on the edge of town.

Cootamundra's biggest claim to fame is that it is the birth place of Australian cricketing legend Sir Donald Bradman.

The landscape is fairly typical bushland for this part of Australia. Most of the rest is farming country primarily wheat/sheep.

My kids live with their mum in Cootamundra, which is 91km from my home in Wagga Wagga (pronounced Wog-gah). We all live in Wiradjuri country which is the local aboriginal people.

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Thank you, Thom, I found it both on google maps. I much appreciate it.

I have a mate over in Brisbane, but that is a bit off. Haven't gamed with him in forever... dang it has been ages since I had the time to play mechies (MW:O) for any length of time.

I myself live in Kiel, Germany. When you look that up there's another bay just a bit farther north (Eckernförder Bucht) I drove around the tip of that and on country roads alongside the northern shore for a little while, through some fields and through a small forest, there's the beach (and camping grounds) where I grew up.

I am weirdly excited... (teaching kids botanical knowledge, potion cooking plans, spring cheer, sunny-windy-warm-weather...)

send from my new phone, bear with me.

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That sounds like an amazing week. 

I sympathize with you regarding issues with children. Unfortunately mine were influenced by their father into believing that I left them (he had a hard time accepting that I left him,not them)...fortunately as they grew up they realized that wasn't true, I have a great relationship with all of them now :) 

Loving the smile my friend!! :love_heart:

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@Morag, Brisbane, or Brisvegas as it is often referred to in Oz, is about 14 hours drive from Wagga. More than 1200km. I have a couple of mates up there, that I will have to visit in the next year or two. I haven't been to banana-bender country yet.
@TGP, yeah things went really bad in my family.
@RES, thank you for the compliment gorgeous. It is so difficult when kids are involved. I am glad you regained the good relationship with your kids.



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I am feeling frustrated. The money I set aside to go to Sydney for my week of NLP hasnt been released yet.

So instead of waiting to get on the train tonight, I have had to cancel attending the training this week.

My drop off for the kids was rough. Bec had a go at me, criticizing me for not changing or growing or improving. A complete change from the pick up on Good Friday. Sigh.

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wow, that's harsh.

 

why the attack?  this smacks me MORE of her problem not yours.

 

but relationships are like that; (even perhaps relationships with huge, difficult backstories).

 

myself I would handle it like this

*FIRST (and foremost) I will NOT let someone be authority on ME.  let me Honestly Evaluate by mental/spiritual/physical health MYSELF.

*SECOND, its important to understand why someone might be trying to put me down.  Did I do something? or is this more an issue THEY are struggling with

*THIRD, Even if you Did somehow  do something that caused the strong reaction; you are guilty of nothing MORE than exactly what you did.  Fix the problem from a strong place! YOU are ok.  they have an issue. so...

*LASTY, can I do something to help this person get over their problem with me

 

IOW; is bec's new issue something you can resolve? NO? whats the best attitude you can have for the sake of the Kids.  Do that- and instead of Bec's narrative of your stagnating; actually you've been Pretty utterly fantastic at adapting to whatever is bothering Bec.  Credit where credit is due.

 

ok, hopefully this advice is too unwelcome. IMHO ofc.

 

I see lots of evidence that you are working very hard to improve yourself.  you must not get discouraged.  

 

for reference; I sometimes struggle with this in my life.  people with, anger issues, say a lot of things they don't mean.  so to a point I think I can empathize.

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On 4/26/2019 at 11:20 AM, TGP said:

wow, that's harsh.

 

why the attack?  this smacks me MORE of her problem not yours.

^^this

 

Not to be nosey but is there a specific something she thinks you should be working on/towards? (I ask due to my own situation) or is it just a general "you haven't changed". If it's more general what benchmark is she using to measure whether you have or not?!

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^^this
 
Not to be nosey but is there a specific something she thinks you should be working on/towards? (I ask due to my own situation) or is it just a general "you haven't changed". If it's more general what benchmark is she using to measure whether you have or not?!
It is more of a generic you havent changed. The comments were along the lines of;

"You haven't changed in the past six years. You are the same. You dont live up to your words. You are abusive. You refuse to admit when you are wrong. You must always be right."

It is the same thing I have been accused of since 2013. So yeah nothing new.

The not living up to my words, is true. I will often put aside things for my family and loved ones. Then not get back to them. I struggle with consistency. I have trouble setting boundaries and sticking with them.

Being always right/never wrong is me trying to talk about my personal experiences and knowledge I have gained in my life. Trying to share my point of view on the topic of discussion.

The abusiveness is that I shout, when sleep deprived, frustrated that my needs are not being met (due to me not maintaining my boundaries), lacking proper self care, annoyed that my knowledge and experience is dismissed.



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I think Thom, 

it is important to come to these issues feeling STRONG.

 

ofc, we ALL fail to be consistent, fall short of intentions and feel frustrated.  its important NOT to feel the bite of her accusation.  you are TRYING and that hasn't been adknowledged.  We think SHE is dealing with personal problems, too.

 

whether its helpful to understand those problems is up to you.  maybe it isn't.

 

but, thinking of your training, you need to look at the situation and say,

"how can I help"?  "what can I do"?  even if you don't do it perfect there is huge benefit to TRYING to make things better.

 

thats why the pictures are so cool!  you're trying to make things better- don't doubt those efforts.  instead have faith; that effort and introspection will make you a better person and allow others to heal and have an easier time with you in their life.

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1 hour ago, Thom Stépan said:

It is more of a generic you havent changed. The comments were along the lines of;

"You haven't changed in the past six years. You are the same. You dont live up to your words. You are abusive. You refuse to admit when you are wrong. You must always be right."

It is the same thing I have been accused of since 2013. So yeah nothing new.

The not living up to my words, is true. I will often put aside things for my family and loved ones. Then not get back to them. I struggle with consistency. I have trouble setting boundaries and sticking with them.

Being always right/never wrong is me trying to talk about my personal experiences and knowledge I have gained in my life. Trying to share my point of view on the topic of discussion.

The abusiveness is that I shout, when sleep deprived, frustrated that my needs are not being met (due to me not maintaining my boundaries), lacking proper self care, annoyed that my knowledge and experience is dismissed.



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You sound like I used to when I was still married to my ex. I don't know your situation I want to point out that trying to share your point of view being conflated into being always right makes me suspect someone is projecting.

 

I don't think it's you.

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Thank you my friends.
@TGP, much of what I am sharing is to help give context to my relationship with Bec these days.

She has several issues. All of which she either refuses to acknowledge, or seems unaware of.

Over the past year I have done much work on myself to improve my internal strength. Regain what I have lost and learn anew who I am and what I want from life.

From reading Dr Brené Brown's book Dare to Lead, I have come to understand that my primary two core values are knowledge and encouragement.

I enjoy and feel most at one with myself when learning and encouraging others. This why I have started studying my Life Coaching Diploma.



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Keeping you in my thoughts.  However you sound like you understand the situation and are dealing with it as best as you can.  Bummer about having to cancel that class...  

 

Sending you peaceful and calming vibes!!!  

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