Heidi: Emerge

[Heidi]

Hi there.

It's been a weird couple months.

 

The concussion symptoms are still with me, but the physical whiplash symptoms are abating. The headaches are less frequent. I can do a little screen time each day.

 

It's time for me to return to the Light, even if it has to be slowly. Emerging back into my life is strange and new -- so much about me has changed since the autumnal equinox.

 

I'm looking forward to having you along for the journey. Thank you for walking this piece with me as I watch for the Way to open.

[Heidi]

Details

Yoga has fallen off since the end of October, as it often does, only to be rediscovered in the Spring. This year has an added element - Sound Savasana with healing singing bowls (random offerings, but usually at least twice a month) and Restorative yoga (Tuesdays). I can't do even basic inversions yet, and it feels as though the Universe is nudging me toward this more Yin, deeply intuitive path.

 

Council of Zen: sponsor, sponsee, Meeting for Worship, recovery meetings, Fellowship of Friends, a Companion. Look at all the wonderful visibility, understanding and support I have in my life. I'm blessed to have this personal family and community.

 

Legal: lawyer, personal counselor. If you remember this time last year, I had neither of these. Over the last several months, we have gotten to know each other and I feel as though I have a team that I trust and that we are all working together.

 

Medical: Physical therapist, and a new medical overseer, who I haven't met yet. I have a neurological appointment in August - I was told this is the earliest they have. Oi! Double vision, emotionality, balance issues, cognitive difficulty and fogginess. Looking forward to getting some relief. On that front, the acupuncturist is a dream come true. Combined with physical therapy, I might recover yet!

 

Classes: yep, I'm still in classes. I took Spring semester off, and it was a piece of Wisdom to do so. I have a piece due to my workshop on May 1, and a response paper to write reading. Also, given that I only have thirteen moons before I graduate, I better get it in gear and figure something out ish for the 80+ page final manuscript that I'll turn is as my thesis. I have over 25 pages on living in Roanoke, but I'm not certain that they qualify. I have over ten pages on getting up after getting knocked down, but I can't see having the emotional stamina to expand that. There's plenty of material, though. Future reports as events warrant.

 

Vivian: I still visit every Thursday and every other Saturday. It's still tense. I do it because I matter to her and because she has my whole heart.

 

 

 

[Heidi]

Week One April 22-28

 

I was able to go to restorative yoga on 4/16, but have been suffering from headaches, dizziness and all sorts of brain weirdness like double vision and an inability to think. It's irritating.

 

Physical Therapy is going well enough to drop down to twice a week.

 

The weekend had a lot of difficult symptoms, including feeling emotional and then exhausted. No one tells you that a head injury might have these results.  The blood pressure is a problem, too, getting dangerously high at times. The hot tub and sauna help, as does knitting.

 

Today, Tuesday, is a rest day other than acupuncture, and I have a friend taking me, so I don't even have to drive.

[Heidi]

Week Two April 29-May 5

 

I am healing, though in fits and starts, and erratically.

 

I managed to visit the strawberry festival downtown on Friday, and then went to a town nearby on Saturday for a second May festival and a visit to my friendly like-minded Knitters. This is good for my soul. I am blessed that I have a friend to drive me who is excellent company.

 

Discovery: yurts are not very insulated against sound.

 

Acupuncture happened, thank goodness, and I've been gardening at the beds I have in the community garden just over the bridge.

 

Sauna almost every day helps make everything better.

 

I talk with a few friends almost daily, and I have been talking with some other friends regularly. This has really increased my connectedness and sense of community, which is brilliant for me. Spiritual possibilities are supported in ways I had not imagined. We are all very deeply engaged in honesty and transparency and living our most authentic lives, so it feels a bit as though I have a Druid Council. This is a good thing.

 

I am loving the weather, including storms and rain as well as glorious sunshine and warmth. 

 

Visits with Vivian continue to be fun and delightful. Even though this week was weird with a new time schedule and adjustments, getting to see her even just long enough for a hug is meaningful and centering.

[Heidi]

Week Three May 6-12

[Heidi]

Week Four May 13-19

[Heidi]

Extra Week May 20-26

 

Dang.

The seizures from the head injury hit me hard.

 

Ended up in the ER, then at the neurologist's office, then an EEG. 

 

In between there have been moments of gardening, brief bouts of Writing. I am graced by so many beautiful people in my life. My daughter is a continual source of love, centering and inspiring.

 

There are strawberries, kale, and companionship.

 

I got asked to be on a panel about Love in Public.

 

The MFA is coming along.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Here for the healing.

[Heidi]

9 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Here for the healing.

Thanks, @Tanktimus the Encourager. Always good to have you around.

Also:

That graphic is both trippy and mesmerizing.

[Tova, Warrior of the Wilds]

Following along as well

[Heidi]

 was able to go to restorative yoga last Tuesday, but have been suffering from headaches, dizziness and all sorts of brain weirdness like double vision and an inability to think this week, so yoga is out. It's irritating.

 

Physical Therapy is going well enough to drop down to twice a week.

 

The weekend had a lot of difficult symptoms, including feeling emotional and then exhausted. No one tells you that a head injury might have these results.  The blood pressure is a problem, too, getting dangerously high at times. The hot tub and sauna help, as does knitting.

 

Saturday I made my first batch of mozzarella from scratch, and fried up some naan bread to go with it. Absolutely delicious. I put a smattering of spinach, tomato, green onions and carrots on the naan, then the cheese, and some garlic rosemary infused olive oil. Totally delicious.

 

Later that afternoon, my world fell apart a bit. This seems to be a trend, and I'm less than into it. The insight of yesterday is that I have a great set of team, the folks listed above, and I am not alone. I like me. I want good things for myself.

 

Today, Tuesday, is a rest day other than acupuncture, and I have a friend taking me, so I don't even have to drive.

[DarK_RaideR]

Hello friend! Missed you, both literally and metaphorically.

[Heidi]

I am healing, though in fits and starts, and erratically.

 

I managed to visit the strawberry festival downtown on Friday, and then went to a town nearby on Saturday for a second May festival and a visit to my friendly like-minded Knitters. This is good for my soul. I am blessed that I have a friend to drive me who is excellent company.

 

Discovery: yurts are not very insulated against sound.

 

Acupuncture happened, thank goodness, and I've been gardening at the beds I have in the community garden just over the bridge.

 

Sauna almost every day helps make everything better.

 

I talk with a few friends almost daily, and I have been talking with some other friends regularly. This has really increased my connectedness and sense of community, which is brilliant for me. Spiritual possibilities are supported in ways I had not imagined. We are all very deeply engaged in honesty and transparency and living our most authentic lives, so it feels a bit as though I have a Druid Council. This is a good thing.

 

I am loving the weather, including storms and rain as well as glorious sunshine and warmth. 

 

Visits with Vivian continue to be fun and delightful. Even though this week was weird with a new time schedule and adjustments, getting to see her even just long enough for a hug is meaningful and centering.

[Heidi]

22 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Hello friend! Missed you, both literally and metaphorically.

I miss you too!

A friend is reading me Latro in the Mists (Gene Wolfe) and I can't help but create a little but of @DarK_RaideR cosplay while the scenes unfold.

[Heidi]

Week 3 - Monday: Lots of activity around arranging rides. Not driving is an exercise in communication. I managed to pull a muscle in my back, so acupuncture tomorrow will be a relief. A friend is coming into town to join me for acupuncture and lunch, and maybe a trip to the local toy store.

 

The sauna helps, and another spinach salad (with dried cranberries, golden raisins, and sunflower seeds on top of portobello mushrooms).

 

I am thinking about how distracting anger is. It easy and available, a simple response to a perceived wrong. But it's so demanding!! It has as its main focus the idea of redress, which is just a black hole energy suck -- as if anything would make us say, "Yes, this means it's okay that I was wronged." No. Nope. This is the lie that anger tells, that scales can be balanced. We must sit with loss, with hurt, with disappointment, rejection, isolation.

 

We must meet the world where it is, and meet ourselves where we are, especially when we fear the feelings beneath the anger. Using anger as a distraction from our authentic selves is a cheap trick, and a management-heavy hobby.

 

When we feel into the discomfort, we find our way to compassion for ourselves and, through this, the Way opens for compassion for others.

 

May you have love on your Way today, friend.

[Heidi]

Also, it's a great time to tap into some new moon intention setting energy.

 

NEW MOON IN TAURUS

When the new moon is in Taurus, our comfort turns to matters of stability, being grounded, luxurious surroundings and meaningful connections with others.

Find your own self-respect in order to ensure that you do not mistakenly seek it in material things. When you accept yourself for who you are, it will become easier for you to find peace and tranquility in the outside world.

Venus, ruler of Taurus, loves the number five. The pentacle is a tracing of Venus' paththrough our night sky, even. New moons are ideal times for setting intentions, and with the new moon in Taurus, the idea of planting seeds is as literal as it is metaphoric.

What would you like to manifest before theTaurus full moon in six months?

Taurus rules grounding, nourishing andconnectedness, including our monetary base, luxury purchases, relaxation and rejuvenation (massages, our homes), and romance.

Write five desired manifestations on a piece of paper as a list.

Fold your list and plant it in a garden to tap into Taurus' earthy power, or you can burn the list in a fire safe dish if you prefer, sending the wishlist out into the Universe on the tendrils of smoke.

Make a note in your moon journal on Nov. 12 2019 to see what items from your list have begun to manifest in your life

[Heidi]

Dang.

The seizures from the head injury hit me hard.

 

Ended up in the ER, then at the neurologist's office, then an EEG. 

 

In between there have been moments of gardening, brief bouts of Writing. I am graced by so many beautiful people in my life. My daughter is a continual source of love, centering and inspiring.

 

There are strawberries, kale, and companionship.

 

I got asked to be on a panel about Love in Public.

 

The MFA is coming along.

[DarK_RaideR]

Woah, that's quite a bit! Sending good vibes your way.