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Akari

Akari keeps moving forward

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Hey all,

I'm Akari, a 28-year-old female from Germany. Some of you know me already. I am not very consistant with my challenges but I havn't given up on it yet ;)

In January I finished my apprenticeship and since March I have a new well payed job. I really like my new company. The people are really friendly and the best thing is that I can influence things. They have a new investor and this man wants to modernize the company. They offered me already to be responsible for the apprentices in the administration. I am really exiced about this task. But it has to wait after my babybreak. It was a shock for my new boss when I told him that I am pregnant. He is a straight forward man and he said he would have expexted me to tell this news already in the job interview. But I couln't do that. Someone else wouldn't have given me a job. Who wants a woman which stays 5 months and then takes a baby break?

There are some other news: I have ended the relationship with my boyfriend. I realized more and more that he is still half a teenager (He is two years younger than me) while I am a grown woman. I want to live my own life and make my own decisions. And I don't want a man to tell me what I have to do what I don't have to do. He didn't take the sudden break easy. For him his world crashed. And so he accused me of not behaving like an adult, insulted me and tried to make me feel bad. In reaction I blocked him on whatsapp. Unfortuatly I forgot about facebook since I don't use it very often. I tried to explain him why I blocked him after he accused me of beeing emotionaly so instable that I would be a thread to my child. He apologized and then he tried to manipulate me again. So I blocked him there too. I don't regret breaking with him but his behavior is emotional stress for me. I know I can't deny him his child but until it's born I won't talk to him anymore.

For now I just want to enjoy my single life and my new job.

 

Learning

I've started to learn French again by using Memrise and a new app called Fluent Forever. Fluent Forever is out of beta now but it's still work in progress. They have a 14 days pay free trial, if someone wants to try it out. I also try to lean Swedish and Japanese. I can't decide which language to learn first so I do all at once. :D

French: 15 words a day

Swedish and Japanese: 5 words a day

 

Nutrition

I can't do a diet with reduced kalories now. But I am currently eating for two which isn't a good idea. I want to focus more on what I eat and how much I eat. Planning ahead meals might be a really good idea to avoid overeating. Today I'll gonna make a plan what I am going to eat the rest of the week.

 

Moving

At work I sit the whole time. And at home I sit too either reading, learning or playing pc. My goal for this week is to go each day 20-30 min for a walk or to take the bike.

 

To create some accountability for myself I am using Habitica for the past two weeks. Works pretty well.

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Nice to see you around again :D

 

Congrats on the new job and the pregnancy!! You're so much further ahead than when we started on here, and I'm glad that things are looking up for you <3 

 

How is the language learnings coming along?

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I make slowly progress. Really slow.

My French isn't actually that bad. I still know a lot. But it's only useful for translation, can't speak actively. Currently I read a children's book in French :D

 

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Yesterday all my plans got crashed. I came home after work and couldn't open the front door. I always look that I take my keys with me since the door fell into the lock years ago while the keys were laying inside. This time the lock was broken. Nobody broke in, it was just defekt. My neigbors were not home and I had to call a locksmith.

The whole evening I couldn't concentrate on anything. I somehow felt guilty even so it wasn't my fault and my landlord will give me the money back I had to pay to get inside my apartment.

@Infinity.Creates is right. I am so much further than I was two years ago but the baby and the break up with my boyfriend are tearing on my nearves. I know I have full support from my family, I have a job that I really like and I don't have to worry about money.

 

I usually went once per week to a card game evening but I wasn't there in a while. First I had over 3 months trouble with the pregnancy sickness and now I am afraid to meet my exboyfriend. Maybe I should just take the courage and go there and hope that my ex won't make trouble when there are lots of other people.

Yesterday I searched for yoga for pregnant woman and found some cources which fit into the time frame before my baby will be born. I wrote them an e-mail and asked if they still have free places. I want to do something about my anxiety. In the therapy, I did last year, I learned how to deal with it. Now I just need to apply what I learned. And the most important is to go out, meet people and face the anxiety.

At work I had no problems from the start. I got already praised for beeing brave to break the relationship, for beeing calm in each situation at work, for searching solutions for problems while others just complain and for telling and defending my opinion in a business like manner. It shows me that people view me differently than I view myself. And that I am not the anxious little girl anymore which I was two years ago. The hard work is now to apply this to all aspects of my life.

 

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6 hours ago, Akari said:

I make slowly progress. Really slow.

My French isn't actually that bad. I still know a lot. But it's only useful for translation, can't speak actively. Currently I read a children's book in French :D

 

Ngl that's basically my Korean level :P

It's sort of frustrating? BUt I'm glad I know more than nothing!

 

I'm glad you managed to get inside your home at last, and as for the anxiety, that is also slow progress, but it is progress and I believe that you'll continue gaining ground and you'll be wonderful, both as a single woman and as a mother. <3

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3 hours ago, Infinity.Creates said:

Ngl that's basically my Korean level :P

It's sort of frustrating? BUt I'm glad I know more than nothing!

If I wouldn't try to learn 3 other languages I would start Korean too.

How do you learn Korean? What do you use?

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14 minutes ago, Akari said:

If I wouldn't try to learn 3 other languages I would start Korean too.

How do you learn Korean? What do you use?

I've got the advantage of having spoken some of it all my life, so I mainly pull from dramas and demanding longer conversations with my family in Korean. I'm also using Duolingo and learning a lot of new vocab!

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Duolingo is a problem for me. To use it I have to chose Englisch as start language. And if I remeber correcly they demand that you write down sometimes the english translation. That results in me switching between 3 languages. (To demanding for my brain.) Memrise just uses Englisch to target language. Thats easy.

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My family is German, and to this day I can barely count to 5 in German. I can however, recite a dinner prayer. My great-grandfather would not let the eating begin till this prayer was said. Komm Herr Jesus, Sei unser Gast, Und segne was Du uns bescherret hast. Amen 

 

Apologize for any misspellings

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I had the glorious idea to do stretching yesterday. I thought it might be good to make it a habit to do that each day. I searched some videos on youtube and followed the exercise. The result: Today in the morning, I had a cramp in both calfs. Nice when the pain eases.

Maybe I have done too much with the best intentions.

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3 hours ago, Akari said:

I had the glorious idea to do stretching yesterday. I thought it might be good to make it a habit to do that each day. I searched some videos on youtube and followed the exercise. The result: Today in the morning, I had a cramp in both calfs. Nice when the pain eases.

Maybe I have done too much with the best intentions.

That must have been a lot of stretching!

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1 hour ago, Infinity.Creates said:

That must have been a lot of stretching!

It wasn't that much. Maybe 15 to 20 min and not just legs.

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Last few days I had problems concentrating at work. I also slept really bad because so many dark thoughts were spinning in my head. Today it was better and I made good progress with my tasks. I also took the courage and asked if there will be a card gaming evening on Friday, even so I am afraid to meet my exboyfriend. But I want to play and most importantly go again among people.

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One week since I wrote the last time. Last Friday I went to a card game evening and had some fun playing. I've met my ex boyfriend and was glad that there were like 15 people so he didn't try to talk to me. As I attempted to go he did. I've just said to him that I don't wanna speak with him. I felt do uncomfortable when he did stand next to me looking down on me while I was sitting. On the weekend I pushed any thought about it away. I took my bike and enjoyed the nice weather. I also planted flower seeds in the garden.

The first part of the week I've played online pc games with a friend after I came home from work. It helped me to relax and push all worries away. I have again a Hugh feeling of fear. It feels like pain in my chest. The reason why it is back, is that my insurance and my landlord refuse to take over the cost for the lock picker. I had my keys with me but the damn lock was defekt. I have done nothing wrong and got punished for it. Its not like I am ruined because of that but it bothers me. Playing pc helps me avoiding to think about it but it doesn't solve the problem. I'm trying to tell myself all the time: you have a good job, you can pay for everything you need and also for pc games, books, cinema or what ever you like to do in your free time. You have a family who fully supports you and you have some good friends.

But I still don't know how to get rid of this anxiety. 

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One week since I wrote the last time. Last Friday I went to a card game evening and had some fun playing. I've met my ex boyfriend and was glad that there were like 15 people so he didn't try to talk to me. As I attempted to go he did. I've just said to him that I don't wanna speak with him. I felt do uncomfortable when he did stand next to me looking down on me while I was sitting. On the weekend I pushed any thought about it away. I took my bike and enjoyed the nice weather. I also planted flower seeds in the garden.

The first part of the week I've played online pc games with a friend after I came home from work. It helped me to relax and push all worries away. I have again a Hugh feeling of fear. It feels like pain in my chest. The reason why it is back, is that my insurance and my landlord refuse to take over the cost for the lock picker. I had my keys with me but the damn lock was defekt. I have done nothing wrong and got punished for it. Its not like I am ruined because of that but it bothers me. Playing pc helps me avoiding to think about it but it doesn't solve the problem. I'm trying to tell myself all the time: you have a good job, you can pay for everything you need and also for pc games, books, cinema or what ever you like to do in your free time. You have a family who fully supports you and you have some good friends.

But I still don't know how to get rid of this anxiety. 

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The last two weeks went by in a blur. Work is boring at the moment. I got moved to sales department and the colleague who is responsible for training me has mentally quit. In a few days he will quit physically, too. I've told my supervisor that i needs more tasks because I'm going crazy because of boredom. He told me he has some tasks where he would be glad if someone could do them, but he hadn't had the time to explain them to me. I really like my supervisor. It's an intelligent man who knows everything about the processes in the company. And he is always willing to teach me. Currently, the company is in a process of restructuring. That is really exciting and interesting. It is kinda sad that I will stop working in five weeks due to my pregnancy. But I look forward to my free time before my baby will be born.

After work I played a lot of pc. Half  the time with a colleague from work. Sometimes we were just talking which helped me a lot with my anxiety.

This weekend I made an effort to stop playing all day. I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. And i took my bike and explored the neighbourhood. It us the suburb of a city with around 100.000 people but it looks like a little village. Lots of small houses wuth gardens. Everything around is green and there are nice ways around the area where you can go by bike or hike and enjoy nature. When i moved at the beginning of april i terribly missed the apartment where i lived the ladt two years. Now I noticed that this area us much more beautiful than the village I lived in before. And I just need 10 minutes to work.

On weekend I also grabbed my trumpet and played a bit which I haven't done in months and I painted. I really enjoyed this weekend and I want to keep this feeling and not fall into depression again. 

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