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Salinger

Salinger's twenty second challenge!

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Hey all. 4.45pm. Depression has hit me hard. Oh man. Crying and frustration today. Ive managed to work a bit though, and worked on my new video piece. Played a bit of guitar for it. Made some strange images. Its ok. Self doubt is rife though. 

 

Ive been TRYING to research and work with this too... for an installation im building. Need to read more about it. 

 

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Its tough...very technical ugh. Well it is to me, cos its something new...

 

I lay on the sofa and Jules came over to me and was kissing me. Very sweet, think he knew i was upset. Jackson also cuddling me. 

 

64763984_10156949952441201_3073450417737170944_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=f58e029a78966e09f5fe9da1177e1d3e&oe=5D93DB94

 

 

Anyway, ive marinated some chicken for dinner (salad and chicken) and for lunch i forced down a pitta bread, filled with salad and cottage cheese. I really am trying not to go off the rails. 

 

Ok better get back to work. xx

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Awww what a lovely cat :3

 

Please try not to feel bad for feeling bad - depression is a nasty beast, and that isn't your fault. Working despite it is a Lot, good on you <3 Your lunch sounds great!

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4 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Awww what a lovely cat :3

 

Please try not to feel bad for feeling bad - depression is a nasty beast, and that isn't your fault. Working despite it is a Lot, good on you <3 Your lunch sounds great!

 

I agree with Miaulin.  :D  You've been traveling, pushing yourself, doing a lot of new and stressful things - it's understandable that you're rebounding from that a bit. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to one of us - you're just as worthy of that as we are!

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What a precious kitty! I love his big blue eyes <3 And gosh, depression is such a jerk. I hate when it does that. I hope things get better for you soon. <3 sending you lots of love and support!

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14 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Awww what a lovely cat :3

 

Yes he is amazing! I love him!

 

14 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Please try not to feel bad for feeling bad - depression is a nasty beast, and that isn't your fault. Working despite it is a Lot, good on you <3 Your lunch sounds great!

 

It was yummy yes, you are right thanks Mia x

 

9 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

I agree with Miaulin.  :D  You've been traveling, pushing yourself, doing a lot of new and stressful things - it's understandable that you're rebounding from that a bit. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to one of us - you're just as worthy of that as we are!

 

Yes again, true. Thanks Sky. <3 x

 

6 hours ago, NicTheRugger said:

What a precious kitty! I love his big blue eyes <3 And gosh, depression is such a jerk. I hate when it does that. I hope things get better for you soon. <3 sending you lots of love and support!

 

Gorgeous isnt he :)

 

Thanks a lot Nic, i appreciate your love and support x

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Morning all. 9am here almost. Bloody builders outside being idiots. So loud. 

 

Anyway im up, cup of tea and yawning!

 

Im meant to be meeting a friend later, around 1pm i think, taking my laptop into town and both doing work whilst catching up as well. Should be nice :) i think ill get the bus in, so i can have a beer after working. I wont go mad, just want a couple!!

 

Will be mindful of what i eat. I understand i may have something out, but wont be stupid with choices. ALSO ... gym will be tomorrow and Friday/saturday now.

 

Need to ensure i dont go off track...

 

x

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you sound like exercise has been happening consistantly in the last little while.  if so; That is a Huge win!

 

how does it go?  are you still working on running on a treadmill??  what is your program like???

 

"curious minds want to know"?

 

 

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6 hours ago, Salinger said:

Im meant to be meeting a friend later, around 1pm i think, taking my laptop into town and both doing work whilst catching up as well. Should be nice :) i think ill get the bus in, so i can have a beer after working. I wont go mad, just want a couple!! 

 

Will be mindful of what i eat. I understand i may have something out, but wont be stupid with choices.

 

This sounds like an excellent plan my friend :D I hope you have a great time! 

 

6 hours ago, Salinger said:

ALSO ... gym will be tomorrow and Friday/saturday now.

 

woohoo! This is with your trainer? i'm so hyped for you on this, Sal, so very very hyped. :barbershop_quartet_ 

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23 hours ago, TGP said:

you sound like exercise has been happening consistantly in the last little while.  if so; That is a Huge win!

 

how does it go?  are you still working on running on a treadmill??  what is your program like???

 

"curious minds want to know"?

 

 

 

oh, no! I only went once to the gym!! SO no consistancy yet.... :(

 

Programme not fully written yet....but i said a few posts before what i did in my first session with the trainer. No running at the moment. I guess he is building me up fitnes wise. So lots of squats, kettlebell swings, high incline walking, pull ups etc. 

 

x

 

21 hours ago, Miaulin said:

 

woohoo! This is with your trainer? i'm so hyped for you on this, Sal, so very very hyped. :barbershop_quartet_ 

 

Nope, just on my own. With the trainer each Monday sessions!! x

 

15 hours ago, Cheetah said:

Hope you're having a great day!

 

Thanks Cheetah. x

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Hi there - 1pm here, kinda warm (ish) sun is peeking out a bit. 

 

Yesterday, well i drank too much really, unfortunately AND ate half a pizza **SIGH** feel self destructive. :(

 

Feel stupid. 

 

Anyway, today im working on the raspberry Pi computer stuff and its hurting my head, its so difficult. I dont know what im bloody doing. :( ughhhh frustrating. 

 

Im thinking i may have to put the London show off, postpone it a bit. which is a shame and sad. 

 

food not been good, need to pull it back. Have salmon and veggies for dinner. 

 

I bought a new duvet cover and i plan to tidy my stupid room up this afternoon and make it all lovely. Fed up of it being a fucking mess. If i do it, ill take a photo for clarification....actually if i dont do it, i have to show you the embarrasing tip its in. Ok deal ... either way you will all see my bedroom later HAHAHA

 

x

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Ok, update. 

 

Managed to connect the Raspberry Pi and the sensor, so code is written when it sensors a person in the vicinity. However. I need a sound to be produced when the sensor is triggered.

 

AGHHHHHH

 

64784522_10156954619176201_1735463922011471872_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=ddda75dbb8085b23f61e2a354defed6d&oe=5D91A1B0 

 

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Might leave it for an hour, and go tidy my room. Such stress. hahah 

 

Hope everyone is well xx

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more photos.....

 

BEFORE AND AFTER. 

 

65152498_453545005462219_7509855208747302912_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=912a2d227c27345a705be44725e0ef10&oe=5D861940  64604246_1742980775846729_1474120487809318912_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=07250814731908bb6ab8fe0c3a512b92&oe=5DC64F55

 

Got some nice smelling candles lit....and listening to music IN MY ROOM. I never sit in here cos its always such a fucking tip. 

 

Feel a bit more relaxed now. 

 

Might even have a bath and read in here later :o shock horror hahahaha

 

Oh Jackson just came in and settled himself on the bed with me <3 

 

Will do some work here then tackle downstairs. 

 

xx

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3 hours ago, Salinger said:

Yesterday, well i drank too much really, unfortunately AND ate half a pizza **SIGH** feel self destructive. :(

3 hours ago, Salinger said:

pull it back. Have salmon and veggies for dinner. 

 

this is a good plan. The thing about making mistakes is that dwelling on it and beating yourself up over it won't help. The best thing to do is to acknowledge it, which you've already done, and to keep moving. You can't undo what's already happened but you can control what comes next. In this case, having your good dinner and keeping your gym appointments...cleaning your room as you mentioned below...doing your work and your self-care to make today as good as you can, and nevermind yesterday.

 

if it helps at all, think of your previous session with your trainer, and how many good healthy meals you've had recently. You're not eating half  pizza or drinking too much every day, or even most of the time. it might be  a little setback, but as long as you get right back up and keep moving, you're good. You've been making progress and the occasional slip won't change that.

 

( would it help to think of some strategies for when this comes up again? some ways you can help yourself make a better choice? Or, since this isn't something that's happening every single day, maybe give yourself permission to eat what/as much as you want either, say in general when you do go out with a friend, or when it's a special occasion, or make it something like a once/twice a month deal? i think a lot of Nerd Fitness members do something along that line...maybe it's the 80/20 thing? Where when you know you're doing 'right' 80% of the time, then it's fine to choose something 'unhealthy' but fun other times? *sends hugs* in any case, please try to be forgiving with yourself! )

 

ahhhhh i can't see the pictures but congratulations on your room! Candles and music, good good good. ^_^

 

i hope you have a relaxing rest of the day/evening/night/whatever time it is where you are :D ( it's just barely 10:30 AM here :lol: )

 

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1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

 

this is a good plan. The thing about making mistakes is that dwelling on it and beating yourself up over it won't help. The best thing to do is to acknowledge it, which you've already done, and to keep moving. You can't undo what's already happened but you can control what comes next. In this case, having your good dinner and keeping your gym appointments...cleaning your room as you mentioned below...doing your work and your self-care to make today as good as you can, and nevermind yesterday.

 

if it helps at all, think of your previous session with your trainer, and how many good healthy meals you've had recently. You're not eating half  pizza or drinking too much every day, or even most of the time. it might be  a little setback, but as long as you get right back up and keep moving, you're good. You've been making progress and the occasional slip won't change that.

 

 

Thank you Mia....yes ive actually done a bloody lot today!! Work, cleaning etc ive done well in hindsight. I could have just self destructed even MORE and done nothing and ate crap. 

 

1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

 

 

( would it help to think of some strategies for when this comes up again? some ways you can help yourself make a better choice? Or, since this isn't something that's happening every single day, maybe give yourself permission to eat what/as much as you want either, say in general when you do go out with a friend, or when it's a special occasion, or make it something like a once/twice a month deal? i think a lot of Nerd Fitness members do something along that line...maybe it's the 80/20 thing? Where when you know you're doing 'right' 80% of the time, then it's fine to choose something 'unhealthy' but fun other times? *sends hugs* in any case, please try to be forgiving with yourself! )

 

 

I am unsure...ive had this issue for years and years. I LIKE alcohol, i like drinking, i like hanging out with my friends and drinking. You are right as well, it isnt every day, its once a week or once a fortnight. Thats ok?? I just get so guilty. Like im being bad, and demolishing progress. ugh. 

 

1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

 

ahhhhh i can't see the pictures but congratulations on your room! Candles and music, good good good. ^_^

 

OH NO!!! Do you have instagram? Ill pop a photo on there :)

 

1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

 

i hope you have a relaxing rest of the day/evening/night/whatever time it is where you are :D ( it's just barely 10:30 AM here :lol: )

 

 

Thank you ! Its 5.35pm here hahaha time is crazy! xx

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almost 7pm now here, im going to have a bath in about half an hour. Just eaten, salmon, cous cous and salad mmmmmm

 

64684848_487084408766797_8144831407240249344_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_oc=AQlpwZ5Eth3BsRufr8moLEXTFGE06PjroSuIBUYyemnRxWz5e63UTw8tbzo9PrCDfyTQNO46rBIW__eCaF5fdaul&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=00a781428fd11b565920e01fdc60c381&oe=5DC6CFBE

 

Was so yummy! :)

 

Oh and my cucumber plant has tiny little cucumbers on it....how exciting. 

 

xx

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that def looks tasty!

 

well... you can't go wrong with bodyweight exercises like lunges, squats,etc.  they are all very functional and usually involve tons of different muscles!

 

I agree with Mia! 

you've got to focus on the positive.

 

now regarding the fitness; are you going to continue to do what you did with the trainer? or do you have a NEW appointment with the trainer (in the future)??

or maybe you are saving to be able to Afford another session with the trainer?

 

I'm sure I've missed important posts regarding this. but it Still sounds good from your posts.  you Think about getting to the gym often.

You Just HAVE to make sure this isn't a self-hate kind of thing.  Nobody (almost) goes to the gym All the time.  

 

anyways, my friendly advice is to have a plan.  make appointements to go the gym and stick to it- Even if it means only 1-2 a week.  if that is challenging, look for a ways to make normal life more athletic!

----

guilt is Hard and must be rejected.  you doing really, really good.   and if you can do a little bit more; you'll creep up on your goals.

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Hey @TGP it was tasty yum!

 

I have been using a 10kg kettle bell when squating and swinging. ... Want to get that up, quickly....but must move slower (i tend to rush into things!) Hoping my trainer can help me use the actual squat machines or free weights with barbells....but thats a long way off. 

 

Im going to be seeing the trainer every Monday for now...and ill do what we did on Mondays, two more times in that week (but alone) 

 

Thanks a lot :) i hope so to start going towards goals yes. xx

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Morning all. 7am here, slept really well last night. I had an amazing hot bath, then basically hung out in my room, with Jackson. I read my book for an hour or so, then decided to go to sleep. (around 10pm) 

 

I think the clean room plus new bedding, helped relax me!

 

Now today...gym this morning, and pick up some milk, then work this afternoon. Want to also focus on self care, reading, music etc Its going to be nice today so maybe i could cut the grass? Then sit in the garden?

 

Ive got my food planned out for the day. Need to stick to it!! Ill also plan this weekend out. Sunday is meant to be 'cheat day' but because i drank and had pizza the other day, im going to eat well all weekend. 

 

My friend has said do i want to go out tonight, but i will probably say no. I shouldnt really get drunk twice in a week. Also im meeting a friend tomorrow morning for coffee, and I am driving into town, so dont want to be over the limit!!!!

 

Instead ill try to relax and be ok with that decision. xx

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6 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey @TGP it was tasty yum!

 

I have been using a 10kg kettle bell when squating and swinging. ... Want to get that up, quickly....but must move slower (i tend to rush into things!) Hoping my trainer can help me use the actual squat machines or free weights with barbells....but thats a long way off. 

 

Im going to be seeing the trainer every Monday for now...and ill do what we did on Mondays, two more times in that week (but alone) 

 

Thanks a lot :) i hope so to start going towards goals yes. xx

Cool!

that's even better than I thought.  you HAVE a program liz!  

....

Kettle bells are a really good workout.  equal to the barbells if you ask me.

 

whats nice about working with people is that you get feedback and good technique.  and they can "step" back better - evaluate where you are and plan for stronger days in the future.

 

 

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58 minutes ago, TGP said:

Cool!

that's even better than I thought.  you HAVE a program liz!  

....

Kettle bells are a really good workout.  equal to the barbells if you ask me.

 

whats nice about working with people is that you get feedback and good technique.  and they can "step" back better - evaluate where you are and plan for stronger days in the future.

 

 

 

Yep, pleased to have more structure! Kettle bells were HARD!!

 

x

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Hey guys, its 2.15pm. Man, im SWEATING. Just mowed the lawn, its kinda big garden plus the mower is heavy. AND the sun is shining. So im hot and sweaty, bit of a workout!! 

 

 

It rained a little last night so the grass has torn up a bit in places, but it looks ok i hope..... hope Ste isnt mad with me ... 

 

Saw three frogs racing away from the mower so stopped to move them. haha

 

Might get my chair out and read in the garden with some ice cold juice. mmmmmm 

 

UGH but im putting off work...i have so much to do. I feel a bit sick actually. EGGS making me feel nauseous. ANNOYING. I had an omelette for breakfast. Maybe ill make a smoothie. YES i will :D

 

Feeling a bit manic again, that reminds me to take meds!

 

OK done. 

 

ciao x

 

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As all the others have said, you're doing good, Sal.  :)  You're doing really, really good. I'm so proud of you.

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Hey guys. Not doing good. i kinda hate myself right now :( got drunk last night, and slept with some guy. Feel guilty and awful :( self destruction.... 

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*sends hugs* Just do what you can to make today Better, Sal, that's all anyone can do. <3

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