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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos – Pretends To Act Like I Know What I Am Doing

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So last challenge, I got beat up HARD. I think I was Captain Marvel, getting knocked down, and I stayed down almost the entire challenge. Finals, the wedding, semesters ending, work needing done, kids having things that need a mom present, yardwork, helping my parents,  I just was done. I stopped. I just couldn’t try to do a challenge or even really think for more than I had to. Once it was all over, I tried to convince myself that it was time to get up, but I was just too tired, too drained, too done.

And I did nothing. I ate junk, I felt horrid, I didn’t stretch or move and I started to get stiff and hurt. Walking was a “when I feel like it thing.” I totally just stopped and laid there. I never felt good, I was still tired and felt not great from lack of doing anything good for me

 

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But as of tomorrow, the first day of zero week, I can no longer just lay on the ground. I have reached a new path I need to take. A path that might actually lead to an end and or a beginning. This would get me out of school and to a better job with less dead things and actual money.

 

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Tomorrow I start (unofficially) my internship. This means I will be working 2 jobs (one paid, one unpaid). My boss is on the way out of her current job, and I plan to try for her job when it is listed. I am still a mom with the end of the year crazy hitting, and a garden that is at least in planted and now should only need weeded, watered and cared for (unless I end up at the nursery for fun). I still have an extra class that will need started in June, but the world won't wait for me.

As such, I need to get back up, I need to get going and I need to do this.

 

 

tenor.gif

 

(Can anyone figure out how to make me all glowy and shiny or look like her... maybe then I may not get knocked around so much).

 

I need to walk in there and spend the next 10 weeks acting like I have it all together, and hoping my anxiety isn’t going to get in the way. The best way to do that, just get my act together and pretend I have it. So, here I go. Time to act like I got this until I do.

 

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My plan is going to be do the boxes like before. I don’t have to do everything, but I need to do enough where I feel like I am still rocking all the things.  The plan is:

 

Strength

1

Balance ball crunches

 

1

Squats

10

1

Wall Sit (sec)

 

1

Side kicks

Do 6

1

Leg lifts

6

1

 Reverse sit ups

 

1

sit ups

 

1

Knee to Elbows

 

1

Push ups

 

1

Balance Ball push ups

Flexibility

1

Wrist Extension Stretch

12

1

Upward dog/Child pose

 

1

Meditating Groot

 

1

Lord of the dance Yoga (ankle above head)

 

1

Butterfly

 

1

Bridge

Do 8

1

Ballet/toe Touch

                                                8.00

1

Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch

 

1

Warrior 1

 

1

Warrior 3 (Eagle bird thing)

 

1

Side stretch

 

1

Forward bend

Life and Family

1

Play with Cats

 

1

NF time

 

1

Water the garden

 

1

Soak up the sun

15

1

Spend time with Agents

 

1

Harvest

 

1

Walk the garden

 

1

Plan

 

1

Be in bed by 11:30

 

1

Floss in morning

do 10

1

Floss before bed

 

1

Work on one thing off of Part B list Daily

10

1

One good thing

 

1

Read at least 5 minutes a day

 

1

Homework time daily

Fight Chaos

1

Pennisula/Island

Clean all these daily

1

Table / Half wall

8

1

Desk

 

1

Bathroom up

 

1

Clean off file cabinet

do 5

1

Bathroom down

5

1

Clean off door to basement

 

1

Clean off Dresser

At least 5 minutes per room (at least one)

1

Garage

 

1

Front room

 

1

Computer room

9

1

Basement

 

1

Clean 1 thing in file cabinet

do 5

1

Clean off nightstands

5

1

Counter over dishwasher

 

1

File 1 thing a day

 

1

Purge 1 thing a day

Walking

1

Walk 10500 steps

4

1

Walk 15 minutes a day

2

1

7 hours with 250 steps

do 2

1

Walk to Mordor

Fuel

1

No eating after dinner

13

1

No stupid sugar

 

1

Track breakfast

 

1

Track Second breakfast

do 10

1

Track Elevensies

 

1

Track lunch

 

1

Take Probiotic

10

1

< 3 bottles of tea

 

1

Eat Bananas Daily

 

1

Eat dried Apricots

 

1

Eat Breakfast

 

1

Eat Lunch

 

1

120 oz of water

 Wish me luck. And if I don't pop up every couple of days, POKE ME. We need to make sure Goose didn't get ahold of me.

tumblr_pkwkfmgr7l1xesfv3o2_540.gif

 

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Reserved for the list of doom not yet made

 

The list is made, but I know I missed some things. Mostly since I am not yet ready to think past the end of this month.

Part B list or LIST OF DOOM depending on the day. Only till end of challenge

(Does not take into account regular activities for Agents. This list will probably grow during the challenge as I find/think of things that need done.)

o   Post challenge

o   Create spreadsheet

o   Update sig   

o   Gift cards for Youngest school

o   Meeting at Youngest school 5/21

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Change rank patch on scout shirt

o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

o   Fix reusable bag

o   Get tie for Youngest Sweat pants

o   Clear Youngests Flower garden

o   Deal with tote of dirt in back yard

o   Clean garden cart

o   Look into extending driveway

o   Calculate out cost of driveway expansion

o   Get supplies for driveway

o   Clean up homework mess

o   Clean computer room up

o   Make bread as goodbye for Youngest school

o   Take bread as goodbye 5/23

o   Popcorn at youngest school 5/23

o   Popcorn at youngest school 5/24

o   Grad card to neighbor daughter

o   Graduation party for nephew

o   Agent’s hair cut 6/7

o   Youngest Agent shots 6/10

o   Get rest of work ready for classes by 6/3

o    

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And how unobservant am I that I got a new title and just noticed? I love it, so thank  you to whichever of our wonderful admin's did it.

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Maybe you just need that new Captain Marvel hair style to get all glowy :) Good to see you back. Good luck at the internship. Hopefully, this leads to a great position that pays you some money :)

 

 

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Okay before responses
 

I am having a moment. I couldn't find anything to wear this morning and now I am in a white shirt that mostly fits under a lighter sweater. Youngest Agent gave me a dragon necklace that looks way too young, but I am wearing it and I will just blame here. I really don't feel like I am ready for this or dressed appropriately. I mean I remember them all in polos and jeans, so I am hoping I can wear that tomorrow, but first day I should probably be nicer right?

I do know I am working on the database migration today. Which is the same class I had the issues with at the end of last semester. I totally need to scream but can't because kids and things. 

 

Please don't let me make a fool of myself.

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5 hours ago, Tateman said:

Maybe you just need that new Captain Marvel hair style to get all glowy :) Good to see you back. Good luck at the internship. Hopefully, this leads to a great position that pays you some money :)

 

 

Sadly, I did just get my hair redone but now it is more a red/brown than glowly and cool. And I lost my colors.

Thanks for the good luck. I am hoping for this to go well but right now I am just hoping I don't fall on my face, make a complete idiot out of myself, or break anything.

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4 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Bean! You can do it!
Be gentle with yourself, two jobs is really tough even without a family and all the rest!
And you rock!

 

Thank you. I hope I can juggle all of this. Right now, I want to go hide in my bed and not do this.


 

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11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

And how unobservant am I that I got a new title and just noticed? I love it, so thank  you to whichever of our wonderful admin's did it.

GLs no longer have the mod powers to change titles (they apparently did, but before my time), so my part was just putting in the request for you. It only just got changed Friday, so don't worry about not noticing it. I just wanted you to have something nice as a congrats for making it through finals, and a reminder as you keep pushing on. I'm glad you like it. <3 

 

2 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

first day I should probably be nicer right?

I usually use this logic and I usually feel overdressed, BUT a wise woman once said to me (when I was panicking before a blind date) "Would you rather feel overdressed, or underdressed?" And for me the answer is definitely over, because at least then people look at me and (if they think about me at all) think, "she put in too much effort" as opposed to "wow, what a slob." 

 

11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I start (unofficially) my internship.

Good luck! You're gonna kill it, even if it is database migration. You got this, Chaos-master! 

 

11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I can no longer just lay on the ground. I have reached a new path I need to take. A path that might actually lead to an end and or a beginning. This would get me out of school and to a better job with less dead things and actual money.

So here for this! You're gonna rock this challenge, Bean. 

 

Following <3 <3 

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1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I am having a moment. I couldn't find anything to wear this morning and now I am in a white shirt that mostly fits under a lighter sweater. Youngest Agent gave me a dragon necklace that looks way too young, but I am wearing it and I will just blame here. I really don't feel like I am ready for this or dressed appropriately. I mean I remember them all in polos and jeans, so I am hoping I can wear that tomorrow, but first day I should probably be nicer right?

First day in a "polos and jeans" place? I think your outfit sounds just fine.

 

A truth that I have found in life is that feelings follow actions. Want to feel more confident? Act confident and the feeling will follow. You've got this!

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Thank you. I hope I can juggle all of this. Right now, I want to go hide in my bed and not do this.

 
That is a valid feeling and I have been in your shoes for much less.
But you are going to do it, I am sure you are
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13 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I am having a moment. I couldn't find anything to wear this morning and now I am in a white shirt that mostly fits under a lighter sweater. Youngest Agent gave me a dragon necklace that looks way too young, but I am wearing it and I will just blame here. I really don't feel like I am ready for this or dressed appropriately. I mean I remember them all in polos and jeans, so I am hoping I can wear that tomorrow, but first day I should probably be nicer right?

Oh man, that only ever happens at the least opportune moment! Whenever that happens I try to remind myself "It's not the clothes that are bad; your mood is bad because you're stressed." I'm sure you'll fit in just fine, the dragon's a good luck charm! You're gonna crush it :D

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Quick update since I am suppose to be making lunch before I run off to Day 2 at internship. (I made lunch and came back, but now I need to go get Agent's to school oh and finish getting me ready).

 

Yesterday went fairly well. I didn't fall or break anything and they didn't tell me not to come back. (I know, low expectations here). Apparently I am being dropped into a fairly busy project that is being done by one guy who said "Yeah, if we don't get this running right by a certain point, the entire department might be fired." Right, no pressure. I think he meant them "we" but I am assigned to help him at the moment.  He was fairly positive saying he might have more for me to do today besides just "watching him" and that he thought I didn't seem too lost so That was a good sign that I may be able to help him. I do think I will take my DB book today since we are working on a thing in SQL and this has my notes in it.

Challenge wise, I did okay. My walking was horrible since I didn't feel I could just get up and walk around so I am hoping as I get a bit more independent work I can do that. We will see. Overall though, I did get most of the things done and that helped. The stretches felt good since I haven't been and I have been getting sore and stiff and its been getting pretty uncomfortable. I did notice I lost some of my reps of the exercises and most of my flexibility. I am sure it will come back, but it is annoying.

 

Total points - 64 out of 46

Strength - 7 out of 6

Flexibility - 12 out of 8

Life and Family - 14 out of 10

Fight Chaos Clean - 7 out of 5

Fight Chaos Purge - 9 out of 5

Walking - 2 out of 2

Fuel - 13 out of 10


Here is to day 2 - Do not fall, do not break anything, and hope they don't tell me not to come back.

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10 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

My walking was horrible since I didn't feel I could just get up and walk around so I am hoping as I get a bit more independent work I can do that.

It always takes me a while at a new job to feel like I'm "allowed" to get up and move around, too. I don't think there's anything wrong in accepting some lower walking scores while you find your way at work. It sounds like you're doing great so far, so I'm sure you'll be settled in no time! 

 

10 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Here is to day 2 - Do not fall, do not break anything, and hope they don't tell me not to come back.

Cheers! You've got this, Bean. 

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On 5/20/2019 at 6:53 AM, Wobbegong said:

GLs no longer have the mod powers to change titles (they apparently did, but before my time), so my part was just putting in the request for you. It only just got changed Friday, so don't worry about not noticing it. I just wanted you to have something nice as a congrats for making it through finals, and a reminder as you keep pushing on. I'm glad you like it. <3 


Thank you for it. I think it is so cool.  And I think is a good reminder that I keep trying, even if I don't feel like it. You are awesome.

 

On 5/20/2019 at 6:53 AM, Wobbegong said:

I usually use this logic and I usually feel overdressed, BUT a wise woman once said to me (when I was panicking before a blind date) "Would you rather feel overdressed, or underdressed?" And for me the answer is definitely over, because at least then people look at me and (if they think about me at all) think, "she put in too much effort" as opposed to "wow, what a slob." 

 

It was more I don't own anything nice for the most part. I mean the Paying job is dealing with biohazard and dead things and chemicals, so why wear nice clothes. Plus, I purged a whole bunch of my nice stuff last year with the "I don't wear it, so why is it here logic."  And I  was totally overdressed but even the secretary that I asked if I could wear jeans was like "I get it, first day, but be comfortable for the rest of your time here"

 

On 5/20/2019 at 6:53 AM, Wobbegong said:

Good luck! You're gonna kill it, even if it is database migration. You got this, Chaos-master! 

 

I am not Chaos's master, I wouldn't have so many rocks thrown at me. That being said, I am not making a total idiot out of myself, so yay?

 

On 5/20/2019 at 6:53 AM, Wobbegong said:

So here for this! You're gonna rock this challenge, Bean. 

I hope so, right now, not as sure.

 

On 5/20/2019 at 6:53 AM, Wobbegong said:

Following <3 <3 

I am glad you are here.

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On 5/20/2019 at 7:55 AM, StillStar said:

Love your list of doom, looks very familiar :) Good luck with everything! It's a lot, but you can do it, one thing at a time. 

 

Sadly/Happily, this is a shorter list. Usually it is longer, but to be honest, I was doing the "Oh yeah, I need to make that" since I know I have a ton to deal with that doesn't fit on the challenge point list.  Thanks, here is to a good challenge for all.

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On 5/20/2019 at 8:31 AM, Whisper said:

First day in a "polos and jeans" place? I think your outfit sounds just fine.

 

Thanks, it seemd to be okay, but I am much happier in my jeans.

 

On 5/20/2019 at 8:31 AM, Whisper said:

A truth that I have found in life is that feelings follow actions. Want to feel more confident? Act confident and the feeling will follow. You've got this!

The hard part for me, (and this may show up within the challenge), I can make everyone believe I have this all under control and I have confidence, but here and few other places, you see more the real me, where I have almost no confidence or self esteem. And that is when other issues sometimes pop up or the trolls that live in my brain (they have names, Grog is the one who says I Can't do anything right and Blarg tells me no one likes me).  So yeah, I am trying to act it, but I also know that I am faking it, which  can be negative as well.

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On 5/20/2019 at 4:24 PM, Diadhuit said:

That is a valid feeling and I have been in your shoes for much less.
But you are going to do it, I am sure you are emoji5.png

Thank you. I hope so. And I know I say it all the time, but all you here at NF have so much more faith in me. You guys all believe I can do it, when I am not sure I can. (And after the last 2 days of coming home and going "nope" for about 2 hours, I am starting to wonder).

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23 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Oh man, that only ever happens at the least opportune moment! Whenever that happens I try to remind myself "It's not the clothes that are bad; your mood is bad because you're stressed." I'm sure you'll fit in just fine, the dragon's a good luck charm! You're gonna crush it :D

 

Actually, it was the clothes and the fact I hate what I look like so nothing ever looks good, and then the whole "I got rid of all my nice stuff since I never wear it/its too small" didn't help. The dragon was a good touchstone to remind myself WHY I was there. Here is to hoping I just don't make too big a fool out of myself.

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2 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

It always takes me a while at a new job to feel like I'm "allowed" to get up and move around, too. I don't think there's anything wrong in accepting some lower walking scores while you find your way at work. It sounds like you're doing great so far, so I'm sure you'll be settled in no time! 

 

Its more at this point, I work when the guy I am working with works, and I got to lunch or on break when he does mostly. My walking is lower, which isn't great since I know if I don't get at least 6000 steps, I don't sleep all that well. Here is to hoping I can get up more or I go for WALKS at some point. That would be good too.

 

2 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

Cheers! You've got this, Bean. 

Thanks. I appreciate the support.

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Thank you. I hope so. And I know I say it all the time, but all you here at NF have so much more faith in me. You guys all believe I can do it, when I am not sure I can. (And after the last 2 days of coming home and going "nope" for about 2 hours, I am starting to wonder).


We have seen what Bean can do and Ielive in Ireland so I really know the power of Bean Sidhe!!
Rule of thumb: you can't know if you like your job within the first month (and that means also knowing if you are a good fit).
It's really hard to be an intern and you'll be ok!
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