Baby's First Battle Log

[Rox]

First of all, I want to give a huge thank-you to everyone who helped me out in my first thread a few months ago - I ended up with a longer recovery time from my infection and the side effects of the antibiotics than I would have hoped, plus a lot of stuff has happened, plus time is fake when you have depression, but I'm feeling much better now and I'm ready to give this a second try. Thank you guys also for replying to my thread asking about nut-free breakfasts, and I'm sorry I didn't get back to anyone there.

 

While I know there's a separate intro thread, I just figured I'd introduce myself here and get the ball rolling on tracking my progress right away. I'm Rox! I'm a 26 year old ladynerd who plays too many video games and can't finish a writing project. I'm in grad school and I work as a student assistant, and I'm trying to solidify my career path so that I don't end up in the customer service trap again. I'm not very talkative and tend to get overwhelmed easily, so I apologize if I'm not very active outside of this thread. Still, it's nice to meet everyone!

 

My plan is to post daily updates about my eating and exercise to keep myself on track and accountable; my only goal today is to (finally) get this posted and to outline what I'm going to talk about each day, so that way I know what I need to do and I can be slightly less terrified of the Big Blank Forum Post Box.

 

I do want to lose weight. I've gained quite a lot over the past couple of years, going from hovering around 160 (which I was already uncomfortable with) to averaging around 187 - part of it is simply because I'm older, and women in my family tend to hold more weight as we age. I'm sure of this because my body has changed dramatically despite my habits being mostly the same. I accept that. But I know a lot of it is inactivity, and regardless of my feelings about what I see in the mirror, I don't feel good or healthy on the inside, so I know I need to work and make changes. 

 

In regards to diet, I know you all are huge fans of keto and paleo...and while that's fantastic, I don't plan on doing either. For me these diets would be particularly difficult because I'm allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. While I know that, theoretically, it would still be possible, nuts are such a staple of keto/paleo that it's just way too stressful for me to consider trying to add such a major lifestyle change to my goals, while also constantly having to modify recipes and never being really sure that I'm properly replacing the nutrients I should be getting from nuts. Besides, honestly, you can take pasta and noodles from my cold, dead hands. Love me some spaghetti.

 

What I want to do instead is simply focus on eating more mindfully, and being aware of my limits and particularly my sugar intake. What I plan to do each day is to take general notes about what I've eaten and try to look back critically on my choices and learn from them, so that I'm keeping track, but without the stress of item-by-item calorie counting. I might reconsider later, but after a lot of past trial and error I think it's best that I start with simpler, less time-consuming steps. One concrete change that I already know I want to make is to eat more fruits and vegetables, and to greatly increase the proportion of those I eat in comparison to the carbs I eat. Servings of pasta and bread are small for a reason, and it's so hard to remember that when I'm used to them making up the bulk of my diet - I've got a lot of learning to do! Another thing I want to do is to commit to for the most part making anything indulgent that I want myself - no easy desserts save for rare treats. I feel like I'm already good about this, because I love to cook and bake, but we'll see if that holds up to scrutiny when I'm doing a daily write-up.

 

Fitness is going to be the biggest and hardest thing for me. I have never been fit. I wasn't an active child, and while I've always admired physical strength and ability in my favorite characters from books and movies, I never thought of fitness as something I could really emulate - I cultivated a bookish, nerdy image, and devoting time to running and moving felt contrary to that. Plus, I was sick a lot, and I still do get sick a lot. As I got older I did participate in my school's dance class, and I did aspire to be fit, but I've never successfully maintained momentum. I sincerely hope that changes; I hate that I keep failing. For now, I'm going to try the Beginner's Bodyweight Workout three times a week, and I'll go from there. I'll track my daily numbers on this thread.

I was going to make a table that I could copy and paste, but I, er, couldn't find a way to do it here. So instead I'm going to keep it simple. Each / is to separate the circuits, and if I didn't complete something I'll just leave an x in it's place.

 

Template

 

Bodyweight Squats - x/x/x

Push-Ups - x/x/x

Walking Lunges - x/x/x

Plank - x/x/x

Dumbbell Rows - x/x/x

Jumping Jacks - x/x/x

 

 

So, first goal accomplished! I'll be back tomorrow.

[Rox]

So, I'm very tired, but I don't have much to report today. Fitness-wise, I didn't start the bodyweight workout today, because my fiance and I had an Ikea date! So, while I didn't do any dedicated workouts, at the very least I was not sitting on my bum all day. She and I walked through the entire store and bought two sets of shelves, a bedside table (that is actually a cat shelf, but I liked it), and a storage unit and dining table, plus some other odds and ends - things that we've been meaning to get since we moved into a bigger apartment with less built-in storage back in October. Kinda hurt budget-wise, especially since my fiance is currently out of work and I don't pull in much money, but we have savings and we certainly got a lot for what we spent. We also had to carry everything, arrange it in the car, bring it to the house, ect...so yeah, no workout, but I'm gonna be sore(r than I already am) tomorrow.

 

For diet, I had cereal for breakfast (Frosted Mini Wheats...yes, judge me, I deserve it) with flax seeds added. I also have a pound cake that I made about a week ago that I'm almost done with, and I had a small slice of that. For lunch I had spaghettios, and then we went to Kura revolving sushi bar for dinner, and I mostly had nigiri, plus watermelon and a bowl of miso soup. So....yeah, not super great, BUT! I'm excited, because early this morning I picked up my very first fruit and veggie basket from a local co-op! There's a ton of stuff in there and I'm brainstorming what to do with all of it, so I'll probably ramble more about that tomorrow.

 

Today's morning tea...was coffee. Normally I'm a tea drinker, but I decided to pull out my aeropress and make some of the laurina I bought from a local roaster - I've had it for about a month now, so it's probably good to use it up anyway. I made it like a Starbucks Doubleshot on Ice, only I didn't add simple syrup because...........I have Peeps coffee creamer I need to use up that I used in place of milk. I'm not just gonna let it go to waste!

 

Anyway, it was delicious.

[Rox]

Keeping it brief today, didn't do anything too impressive. I definitely exhausted myself yesterday - I slept until after 2, and I couldn't get out of bed until 4. I've been sluggish and tired and a little sore all day, so fitness-wise I have nothing to note. I built a shelf, though! I tried to get some work done on food today, but with mixed results given my energy levels and how much I slept. I ate a protein bar when I woke up. A bit later I had a salad with some spring greens, persian cucumbers, and green beans I got from my co-op basket, with taco meat my fiance made and a bit of cheese, tossed with balsamic vinegar, soy sauce, black pepper, and garlic powder. I just ate a bowl of popcorn with powdered cheese and Penzys seasoned salt. Depending on how we feel we may or may not be going out again tomorrow, so...we'll see what happens? If not, I want to make homemade tomato sauce. We'll see what happens!

[Devout_Haruhiist]

Keep up the good work and positive attitude!

[Rox]

Yikes, I forgot to post yesterday!

 

On 5/27/2019 at 5:51 PM, Devout_Haruhiist said:

Keep up the good work and positive attitude!

 

Thank you so much, and I'll keep doing my best!

 

I still haven't done anything terribly impressive, but I can give an update on how I'm feeling. Yesterday I was still very tired overall, but thankfully we decided not to go out. My fiance has absolutely knocked it out of the park with getting our furniture put together, though I did at least manage to do one other piece myself and I helped her a bit. I haven't started working out yet, but given that I'm feeling much better that may have been for the best. I plan to start tomorrow, though I'm a bit nervous about it.

 

One thing I did yesterday was start working with all the produce I got - I made tomato sauce from scratch for the first time, and it's delicious! I'm especially happy because I understand the technique now, so that next time I can do it differently. All the recipes I found were for a specific purpose, but next time I want to create a tomato sauce that can serve as a base for whatever I'm making, like when you pick up a can at the store. Next time!

 

Today I used some of the lemons I got for other projects. Three I blended up into puree to freeze and throw into smoothies later, and one I used the zest and juice of to make a recipe for Lemon Curd Chia Pudding that I've had sitting around on Pinterest for ages. I still have a few more that I'm not sure what to do with, since lemon is not something I like to use very often, but I'll keep thinking. Other things I got were persian cucumbers (which I've just been using in salads), spring greens (again, salad), zucchini, acorn squash, green apples, peaches, bananas, and oranges. The ones I really need to brainstorm are the zucchini, acorn squash, and green apples. Hopefully, everything else will be easy enough to use (knock on wood).

 

Gonna skip going over specifics for food I hate, just because I keep doing this wayyyy too late at night and I'm not up for remembering two days of food. I've got to do this earlier! Which will probably get easier as I get better at planning meals, which will be better as I get more staple recipes under my belt - it's all a process.

 

But I will call myself out on having both hot chocolate with the peeps creamer and a milk tea bun from 85 Degrees today. Also the only thing I've had with my tomato sauce is pasta, and my breakfasts have all been cereal. I had a salad for lunch? And the last slice of the pound cake is gone. But yeah, calling myself out because I can do better!! And I will, gosh darnit!

 

No tea of the day, because I keep meaning to make something and not managing to do it. Yesterday I had Red Berry Burst from Lia Leaf, the last of a sample I got from my Sips By box a few months ago.

[Rox]

Oh my goodness, I keep missing days!

 

My energy levels have been low. I have a really easy job with good people in a good environment, so I don't think that's the cause. Today a slept a whole lot, and still spent the day feeling very tired; my dog woke me up at about 8 to go outside, then I went back to bed and didn't wake up until nearly 2. I went to bed at midnight, so all told I slept nearly 12 hours. I don't know why!

 

Anyway, I did start the bodyweight workout yesterday. My results:

 

Warm-up: Elliptical, 3 min

Bodyweight Squats - 10/x/x

Push-Ups - 10/x/x (modified)

Walking Lunges - 10/x/x

Plank - 10 sec/x/x

Dumbbell Rows - 10/x/x

Jumping Jacks - 30/x/x

 

I hate being watched while I exercise. Unfortunately, that's unavoidable right now - my fiance is jobless and my apartment gym is, well, a gym. Since I'm so self-conscious, I might be doing some of these wrong, but I'll keep working on it. I'm sore today, so I at least did something right...probably?

 

I cooked with zucchini for the first time today, and it was tasty! I made this and added some chili powder, parmesan, and seasoned salt for dinner.

 

Still no tea of the day, for the same mysterious reason that my energy levels have been low.

[Rox]

I...listen. I'm doing my very best. My two brain cells are trying VERY hard.

 

Food

 

Breakfast:

 

Friday - I can't remember, but I think this was another cereal day. I know, I need to do better. It's a goal. But...for a baby step, I'm just gonna try to get something better than frosted mini-wheats next time I'm at the store.

 

Saturday - I started with fruit from my co-op: a peach, a banana, and half of a honeydew melon with some of the chia seed pudding I made (which sadly didn't turn out well, but I do know what I did wrong). This leads into a story (warning for moldy food adventures and germophobia issues/mild emetophobia).

 

Remember my Ikea adventure? The thing about it is our apartment has been a construction zone. In the process of trying to create more room, we've had to make do with a whole lot less this past week. While I have been gradually pulling from the bags of produce I brought home from the co-op as I've used it to make things, I never properly unpacked it and allowed it to try.

 

Three guesses where I'm going with this.

 

I finally pulled the bananas out of the bag Saturday morning, and my sleepy butt didn't really look in the bag while I did it. I grabbed a peach, too - same deal. I noticed the peach didn't taste as good as it had a couple days before, but it looked fine and I didn't think much of it. The bananas were already overripe, but again, my mostly-asleep ass didn't think twice about eating one.

 

A few hours later, I noticed that whenever I passed the island separating the kitchen from the living area (where the bags were placed), I smelled something weird. My fiance, who is braver and has a better nose, got up and immediately identified the source.

 

Readers, a lot of the fruit was very, VERY moldy.

 

I am unashamed to say that I am a gigantic goddamn baby when it comes to mold. I immediately began to freak out. I threw everything in the bag away, and the bag itself immediately went into the washer. As I was throwing the fruit away I swear to god I felt something hit the back of my throat and immediately fell into a coughing fit. My fiancé, a literal saint, comforted me the whole time. I kept thinking about what I had eaten that day and how very badly I wished I could just scrub out my insides because MOLD and I'M ABSOLUTELY GOING TO DIE and tbh I sort of wished I could throw up so that I could get rid of it. Logical me is grateful that didn't happen.

 

Anyway, that was awful, I learned a valuable lesson about leaving wet fruit in bags, and I never want that to happen again. 0/10 do NOT recommend. While I haven't done it yet, I will probably throw out the remaining veggies, too, even though they were in a separate bag and look okay. I just can't break the association. However, I do plan to do a new order this week and start fresh. If at first you don't succeed...?

 

Sunday - I was still suffering from Produce Trauma, so I ate the last of the cereal with some flax seeds and raisins.

 

Monday - I sorta did a bad and opted to go to Einstein for bagels. Got one cinnamon sugar and one jalapeno cheddar. I should feel a lot worse about this, but...look, they were really good. Didn't use shmear or any extras, but I never do. I just devour my bagels whole and call it a day. Delicious.

 

I do know this is yet another symptom of not having many easy grab-and-go breakfasts that I'm in the habit of putting together, though, so again, I'll work on it!

 

Tuesday - Cereal with flax seeds and a banana.

 

Lunch:

 

Friday - Went to a coffee shop next to campus that I love and got a cinnamon cold brew with cream and a bacon, egg, and cheddar muffin. I'll probably ask for half-sweet next time because I noticed that they use what is probably more syrup than necessary, but for now, no regrets. It was all tasty.

 

Saturday - I was too busy yelling NOPE NOPE NOPE into the void to eat lunch, I think?

 

Sunday - I...think I had a protein bar? I think???

 

Monday - Mango greek yogurt with chia seeds.

 

Tuesday - Vanilla yogurt with chia seeds and a granola bar.

Dinner:

 

Friday - I honestly can't remember.

 

Saturday - Homemade curry udon with pork, onion (no, not from the co-op), scallions, an egg, and cheese, using dashi as a base.

 

Sunday - Homemade curry udon done lazy (i.e. using instant ramen as a base). Same as above, just used the packaged noodles and soup as a base and cooked it all in one pan

 

Monday - I tried something new! I made pork loin for the first time, cooked on the stovetop in garlic butter and thyme after being coated with Penzys seasoned salt (love that stuff), with leftover noodles tossed with the cooking oil.

 

Tuesday - Pork loin with noodles again, this time also with cooked baby bok choy in oil, garlic, shallots and soy sauce, topped with crushed red pepper. In hindsight, I should have cut down on the butter and oil for the pork after cooking the bok choy (I used the same pan, though of course I cooked the veggies first!), but lesson learned and I'm still pleased with how it came out. The pork wasn't dry at all either time I made it.

 

 

Fitness

 

I have to leave off my Friday stats, because unfortunately I neglected to bring anything to the gym with me to write them down. This will all be Monday, and since I'm already talking so much I'll go a bit more in-depth on my thoughts.

 

Our apartment complex has a gym, which is great because right now there isn't enough space to do all of the exercises I need to do. The big downside, though, is that I don't own a yoga mat, so I can't get on the gym floor (trust me, I can't). This means that I've been doing the plank and push-ups at home, which is fine for now, but will obviously be a problem when I get strong enough to actually do circuits. I don't know what my solution will be at that point. Yesterday while I was at Target I had a mind to actually buy a yoga mat...until I discovered that some of the cheaper ones averaged $30. I. Dude, it only exists to separate you from the floor. I'm not paying more than $10 for that.

 

(yes, I'm cheap, at least for certain things. buying shoes is a nightmare for me, because I hate having to spend more than $20 for them and that's just not a realistic expectation to have anymore, especially when you're lucky if a large store has more than two or three options for your weird unicorn shoe size.)

 

So my routine still feels weird right now. Hopefully it evens out later, but yeah.

 

Warm-Up: Elliptical, 3 minutes and 20 seconds.

 

Back when I was diligent about going to my college gym, I regularly did 30 minute runs on the elliptical with a separate warm-up, cool down, and all sorts of modified settings. When I stopped for awhile and started trying to form the habit again in Japan, I found that I was only able to go for 15 minutes at first, but I worked myself back up before I lost the habit again after a couple months. I've tried off and on at various times since then, and honestly, I thought that the five minute warmup requirement for the bodyweight workout would be easy. It most definitely wasn't - I was only able to go three minutes that first day before I just couldn't push anymore, with no increase in incline or resistance and no pushing myself to go any faster than necessary to keep moving. I was horrified. On the second day I tried to push for 15 more seconds, but while I made it that was just way too much of a gain to keep going with, so for now my goal is to add five seconds each time.

 

Squats - 11 (I REALLY hope I'm doing these right, oy)

Lunge - 10 (I tried to push to twelve, but I lost my balance at 9 and decided to stop at 10)

Dumbbell Rows - 10 on each arm with 10lbs weights. I started with 5lbs and realized it wasn't really a challenge, but I think 10 should work for awhile.

Jumping Jacks - 30

Push-Ups - 6, modified/on my knees

Plank - ......I didn't write this down, good job me. I think I went for 8 seconds.

 

Afterwards, I've been doing the Blogilates Bedtime Stretches video, which has been working except it keeps reminding me that our bed is a mess. Oy.

 

Overall, I'm actually concerned that I haven't been sore in the days after my workouts, and I'm worried that I'm not doing it right, or that having to split between my apartment and the gym is having a negative effect. In the moment, I push myself until I feel like I can't go anymore, so I don't know what, exactly, my issue is. 

 

 

 

Other

 

For months I've left the newsletter emails from when I signed up for Nerdfitness sitting in my inbox, because I wanted to read them when I could actually take action. I've picked them up now, and I'm reading about one a day. The other day, I read the "You are flawed, and so are your heroes" article linked in one of the early emails. On the one hand, I feel like this article would infuriate a lot of people in my circles, and not without cause - it's clearly written from a place of privilege, and some of the assertions are handled...less than gracefully in regard to real issues and objections people have with "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality. I'm fully aware that I was able to read through it and find value in it without losing my shit because of my privilege as a cis/white/able-bodied person.

 

That said, I am here for self-improvement. I think that means that I need to be aware that I read this with a critical eye, understand the issues, and accept that I still found worthwhile mindset advice in it. I don't like being selfish, but in order to work towards self-improvement, I need to be deliberately, purposefully selfish in some ways. I know that. So, in this case, I'm going to be selfish by allowing myself to take advantage of my privilege and say that...hell, there really is something empowering about being told/reminded that even if there is plenty that you can't control, there's a lot that you do have power over. I have power over how I handle the choices presented to me each day, and power over how I exist within my circumstances and how I work, or don't work, to change those circumstances. I can account for myself.

 

And maybe, if I learn how to use that power, and use it well, someday I can help others who are far more limited by their circumstances than me.

[Rox]

Ugggghhhhhhhhh why am I like this

 

I could've written nice, short, simple posts, but nope!! Here I am!!!!

 

I'll be honest - I was good on Wednesday and went to the gym, but stuff happened on Friday and I was really bad both yesterday and today. I didn't go to the gym, I've been to Einstein Bros twice this week, and this morning I had donuts + made a homemade frappuccino. That's the cliff notes version, but yeah. It hasn't been good. I know I should recount it in detail, but the thought of how much I missed and how much of a tone shift there is from Wed/Thurs to Fri/today is making me just dread it.

 

So uh, this is another "I fucked up" post and now I guess I'll try again. Here's hoping I haven't lost every bit of my process in one grand goddamn fell swoop.

[Sloth the Enduring]

My advice, skip the I-fucked-up detailed post, gird your loins, and start fresh.

[Rox]

Fair! Writing a post gives me context, though, so by making at least a note I can stop putting stress on myself to make write up all the missed days. Maybe one day I won't need to, though!

 

Just to get a head start, I just ate a pear and I'm gonna make myself some bacon and eggs. 'v'

[Rox]

For yesterday!

 

Breakfast: A pear, bacon (3 slices), and eggs (2 sunny-side up, topped with Penzy's Sunny Paris mix and a bit of garlic salt)

 

We went out for the day to see my sister and my baby niece!

 

Lunch: My brother-in-law made us hot dogs and hamburgers - I had two, topped with ketchup and a slice of sandwich-sized cheddar each, and I had a root beer. The root beer is really rare for me, because I'm not much of a soda drinker! I also don't usually have hot dogs, but I appreciated the food and I don't feel too bad about it. My fiancé and I also went to Ben and Jerry's afterwards, which I swear to god is also rare, but I got a small in a waffle cone and had a wonderful time hanging out, so while I could have eaten better, I don't feel like I overwhelmed myself or anything.

 

Dinner: Kept it light and had some cereal with flax seeds and a banana while I worked on Kingdom Hearts 3 critical mode.

 

Other - I keep forgetting to account for my liquid calories, even though I had planned to wax poetic in each post about my tea, so I'll try to get back to that plan. I've been doing a lot of cold brewing the last week or so, for both coffee and tea, because it is most definitely the season. Yesterday I had cold brew mango black tea - I'm at work and the brand escapes me right now, but it's very good! I added milk and half a tablespoon of sugar (melted into water for easier stirring), though that was probably too much, so I'll adjust it down next time.

 

 

Back to the gym today! It'll be a pain since I didn't have time to get my clothes ready before work, but I'm gonna do it anyway. I'm going out of town at the end of this week, so it's especially important for me to be diligent about Monday and Wednesday.

 

[Rox]

So, confession - didn't make it to the gym yesterday. The day ended up being even rougher than expected, and ultimately it just didn't happen. I will be going today instead - my gym clothes are ready and waiting in my car and I have no errands to run, so it should be all good.

 

Breakfast: Cereal again, with a banana.  Had the last of my cold brew coffee with half a tablespoon of homemade cardamom syrup and half and half.

 

Lunch: Cheese and a peach. This was around the time of my misadventures yesterday so eating was sort of an afterthought.

 

Dinner: I made a really yummy pasta bake with a mixture of homemade and canned tomato sauce (the tomatoes from my last co-op basket didn't produce enough sauce for the recipe), fontina, asiago, and parmesan cheese, mushrooms, spinach, onion, and topped with mozzarella (and mixed with lots of spices, of course). So goodddd, and the leftovers will keep me for days.

[Rox]

Fitness

 

I was feeling low in motivation yesterday, which was expected after missing so many days, so I simplified the parts of the workout that were stressing me out the most.

 

Warm-Up: I switched from the elliptical to five minutes on the treadmill. The difference is that I know I can do a five minute walk, as opposed to struggling on the elliptical. I was going to start off really slow and work my way up over the course of time until I hit my limit, but the slowest speeds ended up being intolerable and I messed around with it until I settled at 3.5 MPH. I'll be going up gradually until I feel like I've hit the right point for a proper warm-up.

 

For the workout itself, I eliminated the steps that had to be done at my apartment, so no plank or push-ups. I also did simple stretches on my own instead of a whole 10-minute video session. It was really nice to just go to the gym, do what I needed to do, and then be done when I left. I may honestly keep doing this amended version of the workout, at least until I finally have enough apartment space to work with again (which may or may not happen when everything is set up).

 

Bodyweight Squats - 13/x/x

Walking Lunges - 14/x/x

Dumbbell Rows - 10/x/x

Jumping Jacks - 30/x/x

 

I also didn't strain as much on the squats and lunges, and I honestly worried/felt like I was cheating because they were so much easier...yet, while I'm still not sore, I'm feeling it more now. So I don't know?

 

Food

 

Breakfast: Cereal, milk, banana

Lunch: I was having sinus trouble yesterday and got myself allllll paranoid that I was getting sick again, and I tend to distract myself from how my throat feels with food...not as much as I used to, but I'm working on it. I had these hot sauce-flavored doritos while I was still at work, then ate a peach and an apple at home.

Dinner: More pasta bake from the day before, and then a popsicle for dessert to help my throat.

Other: I had the last of my Motion Matcha packet samples (Strawberry Lemonade - I would love to try the Orange Vanilla, though) from one of my past Sips By boxes iced with milk. The packets are sweetened with...monk fruit, I think? I didn't add any additional sweetener. Later, though, I finally tried a recipe for a Rose Earl Grey Latte that I've had sitting in Pinterest for ages. It was lovely, but I botched the recipe a bit - it involved tea, milk, and two teaspoons of rose syrup. Now that I know where to get rose petals I can try another time, and I still have plenty of the syrup for later. Rose is very aromatic and this particular syrup has a strong flavor, so I don't need to add much to whatever I'm having it with. Plus, it feels so fancy.

 

 

[Rox]

Goddddd, this weekend.

 

Went to visit my mom on Thursday, came home Saturday, and spent Sunday basically dead. She's moving, so I'm working to get the rest of my stuff out of her house (I would've done it years ago, but whenever I took stuff out of my room she got emotional, sooooooo.....), and it's a hell of a lot of work. I have to go back in a couple of weeks for round 2, and that probably won't be the end of it. Oy. I had hoped to keep up and make posts through the weekend, but I was dead and it didn't happen. The good news is, I did make it to the gym on Thursday! I won't post exact stats, but I managed to do more of everything except lunges (still at 14). Biggest news is that I jumped up to 15lbs for my dumbbell rows - it was a challenge, but I did it! I'll probably settle there for awhile.

 

Anyway, just the thought of trying to recall and account for everything from the last few days makes me want to pass out, so I'm not doing that. New week, new me...sort of? Or new week, slightly more functional me.

 

(I do confess that I went to Einstein again this morning. I don't know what my deal is lately! Gotta prep some more breakfast stuff to resist what is apparently my new constant bagel craving.)

[Rox]

Alright, so it's been awhile. I'm still keeping up with workouts, still trying to do my best with food, still aware that I need to isolate specific issues and make major changes because I'm not seeing any progress yet. The big reason why I haven't been updating (and getting a lot of other things done) is because...well, I've been tired. I sort of feel like I'm tired all the time. I don't know if I'm not getting enough sleep or what, but this is a reoccurring issue. I almost wonder if I should see a doctor, but my fiancé still hasn't been hired by anyone, and money is tight.

 

I'll keep working on getting my energy levels back up so I can keep up with things and be better about daily updates. I'm just very tired of being tired.

[Rox]

Still here, still going at it! Still also trying to manage my energy levels. I've been feeling a bit better, but the energy I've gained back has been going in other directions. I do want to get back to doing this daily, but I also feel good because, while I'm not doing everything perfectly, I'm still working out 3 (2, on the recent weeks I've been traveling) times a week!

 

I just wrote up a big paragraph, pressed enter, and then it just...vanished???? I guess I ghosted over another key or something, but WOW I'm annoyed. But, okay, here we go.

 

................it just happened again and I KNOW I didn't touch anything. For fucks sake. SHORT VERSION: DUMBBELL ROWS AT 20LBS, YAY, PULLED MUSCLE TUESDAY, BOO, RESTED SO I COULD DO PACKING AND HEAVY LIFTING THIS WEEKEND, YAY, DIDN'T INJURE MYSELF FURTHER BY DOING A SECOND WORKOUT, GOOD SHIT, NEED TO FIND NEW ARM EXCERCISES TO REPLACE PUSH UPS AND PLANKS BECAUSE THE GYM FLOOR IS STILL GROSS AND I DON'T WANNA.

 

wtf I just had to refresh the page to keep typing??? it just kept going back to the top of the paragraph. At least it's still there this time! 

 

is this karmic punishment for making cookies last night and eating one during breakfast? because I was already sorry, universe, you don't have to make me more sorry!

 

So it is with great fear of losing what I've written so far that I try to finish this update (okay, fine, I'll copy everything so I can just paste it again, don't @ me). Anyway, diet-wise I'm still trying to be mindful and do the best I can. One small change I've made is making my own fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt for breakfast, which gives me something quick, easy, and healthy to eat in the morning. I need to figure out more and continue branching out for meal prep, but I feel like that's a positive step forward. 

 

That said, I'm going to try to make one new change nutrition-wise, because I'm still not seeing any progress, so I know I need to take new measures. I'm not sure how much of an impact this will have, but I'm very much in favor of making small, permanent changes that are easy, so I'm going to put that into practice.  Every Friday, I am only allowing myself to have clear, calorie-free liquids. I still feel like my liquid calorie intake isn't terrible, all things considered, but it isn't zero, and while I don't think it every will be, I do think I should cut down significantly. I'll start with one day a week, see how it goes for awhile, and then either add more days or reassess. I chose the day using random.org, because decisions are hard.

 

That's it! I'll check in again soon.

 

 

[Rox]

I didn't work out yesterday, I ate more cookies, and the healthy dinner I tried to make last night ended up being awful. Overslept this morning, missed an hour of work, had another cookie with my bowl of cereal and I honestly feel like a disgusting blob of failure? My brain is telling me "Yeah, you could go to the gym today like you said you would, but your body is full of sugar and flour and FAILURE and so you'll probably just pass out you unhealthy wreck."

 

I know that's not true, and I do intend to go, but I'm just honestly kind of ashamed of how badly I'm doing - pretty sure I've blown past the "don't miss two" rule at this point, and even though I'm not starting from scratch, it feels like I am, and I just want to sleep. I'm running out of my go-to healthy foods and I don't want to eat crap, but I feel really overwhelmed today and when the time comes and I'm hungry idk what I'll have available. I'm frustrated. I'll try, though.

 

[Mortimer]

You may want to try making tubs of vegetables and keep them in the fridge. Each time you fail a will save, go turn on the microwave and munch some vegetables. 

 

I've found out for keeping myself full, beans/chickpeas are the best. Brocoli and cauliflower aren't too shabby, but I personally find salads a little too insubstantial for my taste(I'm a cooked vegetable person). 

 

And believe me, I know about feeding yourself on budget. Meats are expensive - go get your proteins from beans instead. Chickpeas, blackbeans, name your colour and go get them in. Eating out costs more money then getting a bunch of cheap  vegetables and beans. 

 

I go get a takeout meal and I'm sitting around wondering why I don't feel full, then realize I miss my beans and broccolis and cauliflowers. 

 

Actually I find that sugar does improve my performance - should I have chosen to eat noodles/pasta the night before, my park run timing becomes better. But again it's not as if its a competition so I usually don't bother to do it. 

 

Better beats perfect - I don't usually get all the equipment I want to use in the gym, so I make do with what I have.

 

If you don't feel like going to the gym/lack the time to go to the gym, then don't - body weight squats and push ups can be done anywhere. So can the nerd fitness beginners bodyweight workout.  

 

You're still working out. Rather then beating yourself over why you can't get to the gym, which serves no purpose. 

 

For example, I know I will stress myself out getting to the gym on weekends, so I do the star wars workout instead. I figure that finger grip training will help me with my pull up attempts and rock climbing. And the farmers walk will help me carry more groceries at one time. 

 

I don't think I would do a liquid diet on Fridays if I were you. I have done intermittent fasting before but don't really care for it - since I'm generally very active and without meals coming in my stamina does not regenerate very well. If I wanted to I could do a liquid diet I suppose, but why would I since I would need to use quite some will power on my food demon and each person has a finite amount of will power.

 

I rather direct my food demon to a pile of beans or vegetables. That requires less will power because I don't have to keep suppressing the hunger and if I end up eating more legumes or vegetables, nothing much will happen in the long run. 

 

I tell my family, help yourselves to as many chickpeas as you want - you could go nuts and at the end of the day there would still be enough for me. They'd get full before they made any headway on the chickpeas. 

[Rox]

Mortimer, thank you for your comment! Before I say anything, I just want to apologize if I sounded overly negative before. I realized fairly quickly after my last post that I was entering a depressive episode, which means that I need to shift my focus, perspective, and expectations to accommodate. I can still do this, I just have to work around my brain!

 

Making tubs of veggies is a fantastic idea, and it's something that I absolutely want to start working on. Lately I've been doing small experiments with meal prep as my energy/time allows, and it makes life so much easier. The key is just building up my own library of staple recipes...and I think that's part of why I was so bummed out at my dinner failure the other day. It was a potato recipe that I thought would be great for leftovers, but I had issues with the last few steps of the recipe that really messed up the texture and made it inedible for me. I saved it, though, and I think now that I've got some energy/spoons back I'm gonna try to do some food CPR to save it after I clean the kitchen tonight. It was this recipe for anyone curious - I got a TON of potatoes from my last co-op batch and I don't normally like potatoes all that much, and it seemed like a good thing to try. The sauce was great (if a bit underspiced - it needed something to compliment the chili powder)! The potatoes themselves were pretty alright! But the eggs refused to cook and ended up mixed into the sauce in an unpleasant way, and I added the goat cheese early without realizing that the eggs weren't cooked, and goat cheese doesn't do a pleasant melt, as it turns out. It ended up with that horrible* ricotta texture (*I don't like ricotta at all due to the texture), and the eggs just didn't go with it and...yeah. I think it was all the more upsetting because I was tired, and being tired turns me into an absolute baby. I think what I'll do is strain the sauce out a few times, try to use fresh water to rinse and save as much of the potato and kale that I can salvage, then add some additional sauce ingredients and bake it. Twice-baked potatoes? Or something?

 

You also reminded me that I should start experimenting with beans again. I don't like the texture of beans, honestly, but there are varieties I haven't tried, so maybe it's #notallbeans? I definitely need to pick up some broccoli and cauliflower and throw something together, though...I love broccoli and haven't had it in ages.

 

ALSO I should clarify, I'm not doing a liquid diet on Fridays! I was really unclear, I'm sorry! My idea is to eliminate drinks that I add (or that have added) sugar/milk/ect to, while eating normally. It's meant to be a really small goal - basically, just drink water or clear tea and not doing my normal weirdo black tea/coffee experiments in the morning, because I know that's probably accounting for a lot more calories/sugar intake than I'm willing to let myself admit, so I want to see if it makes a difference. Plus, I have a tea cabinet full of oolong, white, and green tea I've been neglecting for far too long. :c

 

but god no I could never do a liquid diet, I would lose my mind.

 

Sorry, I know this comment/update is kind of all over the place - my brain is honestly all over the place right now - but I really do appreciate the advice.

 

Also, for accountability purposes - I did skip the gym/exercise yesterday after all. We took our dog to the vet for her check-up, and then I went home and ended up sleeping through the afternoon and night. It's not great/super healthy, but I do think I needed it. For tonight, I'm going to take positive steps to take care of myself, and I'll check back in on what form that takes tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

[Mortimer]

OK - I'm not exactly an expert on potatoes(gave them up quite sometime back), but after you pull out the kale and potatoes, how about adding some tomatoes, rosemary, chopped garlic and chopped onion, then make a stew out of them? 

 

If you're doing baked route, I suggest you sprinkle rosemary and black pepper over the potatoes, they go well. 

 

Alternatively bake some bacon and get it into small bits, then sprinkle over your potatoes once they are dry enough, and bake for another 5 min. 

 

The last time I made my batch cooked black bean stew, I was pushed for time and didn't get to stew the beans long enough. They turned out a tad hard, which isn't my preferred texture of beans, but it might be something you can accept. Beans do not need to be soft and mushy. Hard beans with some tomato is fine as well. Another way is to take minimally processed beans like tofu and its firm varieties. If I want the benefits of soy, I am stuck with the processed products, since even though I like boiled soya beans, more then 2 tablespoons will give me the runs. 

 

My BF was telling me about the liquid diet, I told him I'd shape up, in my own way, on my own terms. Fitness isn't about fad diets etc, it's about long term sustainability and having fun along the way. Sure, I may snack like a loon(but you can watch my battle logs and see what I snack ^^)  and don't follow stuff like no meals within 2h of bedtime, but I'm of the school that it does not matter when you consume your calories, rather more how many calories you consume - though because I am trying to build muscle I do time my meals as I'm too cheapskate for protein shakes ^^

 

Going sugarless is a great idea =) I've been mostly sugarless for drinks for a while already. Adding things like cinnamon powder(do it to milk, really, it's great!), cocoa powder(unsweetened)-try with coffee - you get mocha me thinks, and lemon juice to drinks can add variety to drinks. 

 

Oolong, white tea and green tea should be drunk as they are, if you're asking my inner tea snob =)