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SkyGirl

Lightbearer: Liminal

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On 6/7/2019 at 11:30 AM, Salinger said:

Hey sorry i totally missed you here. Hope youre ok. Miss chatting!! xx

 

Hi Sal! I am okay, thank you for checking! Loving your work on IG and FB!  :) 

 

On 6/7/2019 at 4:29 PM, Cheetah said:

But I plan on doing the exercise that I enjoy, in quantities that fit into a balanced life, and that will be totally good.

 

This was really helpful! You're right, I don't want to be a professional weightlifter; I want to be strong for daily life, which involves other aspects of fitness besides becoming ripped like an Instagram lady. I want to have good cardiovascular health and lung capacity; I want a strong core and lower body for climbing stairs, and a strong upper body for hauling groceries and stuff; and if possible, I would like to look like I work out on occasion.  :)  But I hadn't sat down and thought about those goals for a while. So thanks for reminding me!

 

On 6/7/2019 at 5:27 PM, Elastigirl said:

Great thoughts. It's so easy to look at Instagram photos and been tempted to wish we looked like that/feel guilty when we don't. I've had similar thoughts. But, like Cheetah, my big goal is to stay healthy and active as I age. I don't need to be the best, or do cool tricks, or have 6 pack abs. Right now in my life, I do have more time, so I want to use some of that time to get healthier, but it isn't the only thing (or even most important)

 

Another drawback for me is that I just want to do all the stuff because I think it's fun. Which is great, until that somehow twists into guilt that I am not doing it. 

 

Finding the "fun" is actually what I want to get back to. I've lost a little of the "fun" aspect lately, for whatever reason. Maybe it's time to try mixing some things up, try something new? Excuse to let RangerBrain take over for a bit?  ;) 

 

On 6/8/2019 at 10:16 PM, Miaulin said:

Sky Sky Sky i forgot to tell you - the narrative you have going right now, with Iyashi! It reminds me of Bucky's stay in Wakanda after Civil War, and it's a vibe i like a lot! You're very brave and i wish you a peaceful time as you continue to adjust and learn who you are and want to be :love_heart: *sends hugs and many shakes of pompoms*

 

Thank you my sweet friend!! I have a couple more story segments coming up shortly!  :D 

 

On 6/8/2019 at 10:16 PM, Miaulin said:

*stealthily scribbles into notebook list* i might have to check this one out. From your description , and the ultra-pretty gifs, it sounds really interesting.

 

I REALLY NEED SOMEONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD TO WATCH IT BECAUSE LAST NIGHT MY BEAUTIFUL RUN YU JUST SUFFERED THE MOST HORRIFIC THING I CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE AND HE'S FINALLY ABOUT TO STAND UP AND TAKE VENGEANCE ON THE WICKED EVIL ROYALS AND ASDGFGHDFAKJSHD

 

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On 6/8/2019 at 10:16 PM, Miaulin said:

ahhhhh i'm sorry to keep quoting things at you but! That documentary! The fam and i haven't actually seen it yet but we were so excited to hear it was a thing! He truly was a wonderful, inspiring person. I get all misty-eyed just reading the wikipedia article about him :P

 

Do you know, I think the most powerful parts were when we got to see him being angry?? Like, I loved him when I thought he was perfectly peaceful and serene all the time; but seeing his eyes spit fire as he got passionate about the welfare of children was another ASDFHGLAKSHDF moment!!!

 

On 6/8/2019 at 10:16 PM, Miaulin said:

*sends so many hugs, every single one of them* the reflections in your other post about the Instagram Lady are so good, and the stuff in the quoted post are so good. You do what's good for Skygirl, what's going to make Skygirl happy, and that's enough <3 <3

 

Happy Weekend my friend!

 

What would I do without my wonderful pom-pom friend!!

 

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1 minute ago, SkyGirl said:

Finding the "fun" is actually what I want to get back to. I've lost a little of the "fun" aspect lately, for whatever reason. Maybe it's time to try mixing some things up, try something new? Excuse to let RangerBrain take over for a bit?  ;) 

 

Yes! When I start feeling tired of working out, I know it's time to chase something new and shiny!

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Hey Sky, just letting you know i was in here. At work now, but in a quiet moment i will certainly watch your vlog. I LOVE seeing other NF-ers, so this is also for @jonfirestar to get it up :D 

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013995c7af5d11f9e5b84399cd2ac9f9aa971537

 

GUYS THIS SHOW IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME I DECLARE

 

I CANNOT HANDLE THIS MUCH MELODRAMA AND ALL THESE KIND AND NOBLE CHARACTERS SUFFERING FOR THINGS THAT THEIR WRETCHED PARENTS DID BEFORE THEY WERE BORN

 

*coughs miserably*

 

Anyway. Hi.  :D 

 

Today was a good day. I worked very late trying to get my story finished, but realized toward 7PM that I was getting slower and slower and needing more and more breaks, so I gave up and came home to rest.  :P  I'm still doing fine time-wise, but I was supposed to have it out for review today, and realized I'm terribly anxious about it because it's reminding me of missing deadlines in grad school and I don't want to go back to - whatever that was. I think I will have it finished tomorrow - I hit a good flow toward the end of the day and I know what I'm going to say when I come back to it. I'm just eager to get it off my plate and back on schedule.

 

Other than that, Lily and I had dinner together for only the first or second time since she arrived, and that was great - we swapped stories and laughed about our day and it was very nice.  :)  After dinner I did some online chatting with friends, then jumped right into crocheting on my friend's baby afghan and watching three episodes of THIS ROTTEN LOUSY WRETCHED TV SHOW "Ashes of Love".  :P  

 

(In fact, as a side note, if I am a little less present than normal in the next couple of weeks, I made the foolish decision to completely start over the baby afghan I was making for my friend who is due in less than two weeks; and some evenings I intentionally stay off the computer so I get a few inches done. It will not be as nice as the first one I was making, but it will be very warm and soft and cuddly on a new baby's skin, and that's the most important thing.  :) )

 

No real exercise today besides lots of walking to meetings. Tomorrow I am going to look and see what fitness and dance classes are being offered at my community center - at @Elastigirl's excellent suggestion, I think I need something new to freshen up my routine.  :)  There are also free clubs at work that I can check out too.

 

......... but for tonight, it's once again 1:20 in the morning and I am going to be DED when that alarm goes off.  *brief lament*

 

GOODNIGHT FRIENDS

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18 hours ago, Salinger said:

Good night Sky, sleep soundly! 

 

You are doing so great, keep at it :) xx

 

Thank you, Sal, so are you!!!

 

giphy.gif 

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18 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

GUYS THIS SHOW IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME I DECLARE

 

I CANNOT HANDLE THIS MUCH MELODRAMA AND ALL THESE KIND AND NOBLE CHARACTERS SUFFERING FOR THINGS THAT THEIR WRETCHED PARENTS DID BEFORE THEY WERE BORN

 

*coughs miserably*

 

well, darn. now i'm gonna have to watch it.

 

18 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I made the foolish decision to completely start over

 

this is what they call a MOOD. Arrrrg just about every time i crochet i wind up starting over at least once :lol: This afghan you're making sounds wonderful!

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On 6/12/2019 at 8:15 PM, Miaulin said:

well, darn. now i'm gonna have to watch it.

 

It is visually exquisite and SO emotional.  :D  It isn't as upsetting as some of the other shows I watch, because it's made very clear from the beginning that Fate wants the two main characters together, so you don't really have to worry much about how it turns out. You also get a pretty good sense early on of which characters are either so pure or so horrible that they're going to die by the end. The only thing you DO have to worry about is falling for one of the characters who is very obviously doomed.

 

Ashes+of+Love+EP10.2019-03-25+18_04_14.g

 

My poor Runyu.  :(  :(  :(  :( 

 

On 6/12/2019 at 8:15 PM, Miaulin said:

this is what they call a MOOD. Arrrrg just about every time i crochet i wind up starting over at least once :lol: This afghan you're making sounds wonderful!

 

The one I started was pretty on the front and ugly on the back, and I just didn't like that. So I got some super thick, soft, squooshy chenille yarn:

 

zprd_16083586a.jpg

 

And am doing a simple design that looks nice on the front and back.  :)  It's so warm and heavy and comforting on my lap while I work that I almost don't want to give it away!!

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So firstly, today was a really, really, REALLY good day.  :)  It was my third straight 10-hour workday, so I'm pretty tired (more on that in a second), but I got to meet some amazing scientists, including one whom I've wanted to meet for more than a year; one of my colleagues from last summer came back to the center today, and I got to see him, which was wonderful; I volunteered / got asked to help with two VIP events that I'm crazily excited about; I got both of my big articles off to my editors; I got to chat with my favorite TV producer and my favorite photographer, which is always a treat; and I took some simply spectacular photos of the sunset after the storm that roared through this evening. Plus, as horrible as this sounds, Lily told me at the last second that she's spending the rest of the week and weekend with her fiance in the city; so I get my apartment back to myself for several days.  :D  It was a long day but really amazing, and full of lots of goodness that reminded me how much I love working at this place.

 

But as I mentioned, and unsurprisingly so, I'm tired. I realized this evening that I am feeling more than just tired; I'm feeling incredibly undernourished, physically as well as emotionally and spiritually.

 

[Possible trigger warning: Unhealthy thoughts about food / weight / dieting]

 

Spoiler

 

Physically, I lost another pound and I'm lighter than I have been since high school. I can feel and see bones in places I forgot I had them. I'm not unhealthy and I'm still solidly within the normal weight range for my height, but I feel sort of pinched; and I've tracked my food for a couple of days and was astonished at how far below the recommended calorie limit I was falling. Worse, what comes along with that is the little self-destructive whisper of What if you kept eating like this for a while just to see what happens? What if you kept losing for a while, just to see what you would look like? What if you could finally get rid of your thick arms and jiggly stomach and thighs? You're looking slender and pretty now, what would you look like if you lost a few more pounds?. And when that happens, even when my stomach is growling and my head hurts because I'm so hungry and dehydrated, I don't want to eat. I want to hold out and feel the growling stomach that means I'm losing weight. But not eating, of course, makes me feel even worse. 

 

So tonight, even though I was proud of the pound lost and didn't want to eat, I reheated some protein-rich Chinese food from earlier this week and made a whole bowl, and I drank two glasses of Sunny D, and MFP says I am just 40 calories below the recommendation for today (I walked 4.5 miles, so without the exercise allotment I'm right on target). 

 

 

Emotionally I have not felt well either; and of course that's connected to not getting enough sleep, food or mental rest time this week. Anything and everything has set me off crying, even at times of day when I'm not normally sad, like first thing in the morning. I haven't been sad over anything specific, just - raw, I think. I feel like my feelings are all very close to the surface and that little things set them off. 

 

Most of this, I know, will be fixed with some food and sleep and recovering from 30 hours of work in 3 days.  :)  But it's all been much more severe than usual and a little surprising. My weekend is pretty full, but I'm trying to leave some time for self-care and rest to try to replenish everything I've drained. And I'm going to keep tracking my food in MFP and push myself to stay on target. Depriving myself of what I need is no way to live.

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That is awesome that you enjoy yor job and the people you work with.  Tonight, get some good sleep. I like your plan of eating more. It's easy when yo are super tired to eat less, which makes you more stressed, and  keeping that cycle going.

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18 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

That is awesome that you enjoy yor job and the people you work with.  Tonight, get some good sleep. I like your plan of eating more. It's easy when yo are super tired to eat less, which makes you more stressed, and  keeping that cycle going.

 

9 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm glad you recognized the destructive tendencies early enough to keep them from getting a foothold. Self care is sometimes very difficult, and very important. Get that rest.

 

7 hours ago, Salinger said:

Sending you masses of cuddles Sky <3 you are doing well. Keep checking in with yourself, so important xx

 

Thanks guys.  <3  <3  <3  Eventually I'll learn not to post late at night when I'm tired, and to wait until things are brighter the next day. But you guys are always patient and kind with my tired late-night angst.

 

Still not as much sleep as I would have liked last night; I jolted awake several times and had weird dreams, so I'm still pretty tired today. But I intentionally took it easy at work, since my big projects were done, and caught up slowly on smaller tasks and prepped for next week. I'm starting to be included more in conversations and jokes and things, which makes me start to feel like I really belong.  :)  Plus, it was a simply exquisite, beautiful day and it's one of the prettiest evenings we've had all year. I'm not going out because it's almost sunset (WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE EAST COAST WHY DOES THE SUN SET SO EARLY), but I have all my windows open so I can enjoy the breeze.

 

I was tempted to eat an intentionally tiny dinner again tonight, but I didn't let myself, and I'm glad.  :)  Had a chicken patty and tomato sandwich, butternut squash soup, Sunny D, and three cookies for dessert. I'm full and happy.

 

Tonight Guy (the dude I've tried to get interested in me for about 10 years and who usually provokes an existential crisis when I speak to him) says he wants to call and talk for a while, but he's also canceled on me multiple times in the past week, so we'll see. I'm honestly not bent out of shape one way or the other, and I mean that. I wouldn't mind talking to him, but I also have crocheting and karaoke and melodramatic Chinese TV shows and probably ice cream laid out for my evening plans, so I am going to have a great evening regardless. 

 

This weekend is going to be very busy, which is sad; but it does include a haircut and some kittens, which is very happy.  :D  My local animal shelter is having a "kitten shower" to take donations for families who have just adopted kittens, and they're bringing other adoptable kittens for pets and play. I am not getting a kitten right now (*STERN LOOK AT SELF*), but I will never ever ever turn down a chance to pet and play with them!

 

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GUYS

NO ONE WARNED ME


THAT "RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET" WOULD ALSO BREAK MY HEART

 

original.gif

 

tumblr_pkfxon5rTw1vhnnka_540.gif

 

BUT IT DID SO

 

IMMA GO WIPE OFF ALL THE MASCARA THAT IS DRENCHING MY FACE AND GO TO BED NOW

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1 hour ago, SkyGirl said:

GUYS

NO ONE WARNED ME


THAT "RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET" WOULD ALSO BREAK MY HEART

 

original.gif

 

tumblr_pkfxon5rTw1vhnnka_540.gif

 

BUT IT DID SO

 

IMMA GO WIPE OFF ALL THE MASCARA THAT IS DRENCHING MY FACE AND GO TO BED NOW

If you need to laugh first, sing.

 

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16 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

This weekend is going to be very busy, which is sad; but it does include a haircut and some kittens, which is very happy.  :D  My local animal shelter is having a "kitten shower" to take donations for families who have just adopted kittens, and they're bringing other adoptable kittens for pets and play. I am not getting a kitten right now (*STERN LOOK AT SELF*), but I will never ever ever turn down a chance to pet and play with them!


KITTIES THE KITTIES THE KITTIES YES PET THEM ALL oh i love the idea of a kitten shower! it sounds like such a fun time, and what a good way to raise some donations and get attention for the little ones still waiting for their homes ^_^ 

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18 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

If you need to laugh first, sing.

 

To be fair, the reason the movie broke my heart was primarily the ending, as Ralph and Vanellope are separating ... it reminded me so much of my own move, especially being separated from Ayre. So while the movie itself was amazing, it was honestly the echoes of my own experience that made it so heartbreaking.  :)  That said, I am immensely happy that Vanellope found a crazy, weird place to live out her dream - its strangeness suits her so well!!

 

7 hours ago, Miaulin said:

KITTIES THE KITTIES THE KITTIES YES PET THEM ALL oh i love the idea of a kitten shower! it sounds like such a fun time, and what a good way to raise some donations and get attention for the little ones still waiting for their homes ^_^ 

 

I am SO excited (it's tomorrow)!!! I bought a small bag of kitten chow this evening to give to some lucky kitten mama (or dad!!), and I can't wait to see and play with the cute babies! Honestly buying the kitten chow made me wish I were bringing it home for a kitten of my own .......  :D 

 

49 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Congrats new Guild Leader!

 

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So, yep ... this happened.  :D 

 

88ba8ecbc176db74b70370e683d297f1.jpg

 

When I first joined the Rebellion (almost exactly 3 years ago!), I knew I didn't just want to find information and support for myself; I was looking for a place where I could pass on to others the good things I learned. I wasn't ready back then to take on a leadership position and I knew it; but thanks to all the mentoring, encouragement, guidance, advice, listening ears, and love I've found here, I hope I'm ready now. I know what a huge role Tank and the other guild leaders have played in my life - not just online, but offline too - and I hope and pray that I'll be equipped to do the same for other Rangers coming up behind me. 

 

I'm sure for some people, NF is a small part of their life; but for me, and I know for others too, it has become part of the fabric of who I am. I try to be brave, because I am a Ranger. I push myself outside my comfort zone because I am a Ranger. I grapple with ideas and undertakings and obstacles that frighten me, because I am a Ranger and I know that you guys are out there doing the exact same thing in your lives. I've gained so much more than just knowledge about healthy eating and lifting weights. I've gained boldness, strength, confidence, and perspective. And as grandiose as it sounds, I hope I can do a little bit to help build a place where others find the same things.

 

-----------

 

Cheesiness aside, today has been a lovely day.  :)  I got up early to go to the membership class at my church, which was very long and kind of felt like I was drinking out of a fire hose (think "cramming an entire religion's foundational beliefs into 4 hours of teaching"). But it gave me a lot to think about and study, which is a good thing.

 

After class, I rushed home, ate a granola bar, and went to get my hair cut, which was also lovely. The hairdresser didn't cut it quite as short as I wanted, but it still looks much better than it did before. I also got an object lesson in lack of boundaries at the salon - when I came in, the lady in the chair was telling the hairdresser all about her delinquent son and how much she hates him; and as I walked in, she looked right at me and started telling me the same thing, even though I was a complete stranger. She treated me like an old friend the whole time she finished her appointment and even said she'd hug me the next time she saw me.  :o  No, thank you, I'd really rather not.

 

I came home this afternoon and took a nap, then had the great idea to go down to the little park and swing on the swingset, forgetting that I am now 30.5 years old and swinging makes me very sick very quickly.  :(  So I wobbled back to the store, bought some kitten chow and then wobbled home. I am indulging slightly on pizza and breadsticks this evening because a) I barely ate today and b) I'm celebrating my promotion to Guild Leader.  :D 

 

Tonight will be a shower, a little TV and hopefully an earlier bedtime - although my friend for whom I'm making the afghan had her beautiful baby girl today, so I need to hurry up and get it finished! 

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3 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

Wait! What? DId I miss something?! Congrats!

 

Thanks EG!! I can hardly believe it!  :D 

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*POM POMS INTENSIFY MORE THAN THEY'VE EVER INTENSIFIED*

 

sooooo many many congratulations, Sky!

 

New Ranger: "Take me to your leader"

Skygirl, the absolute champion:

 

giphy.webp

 

 

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