"Smart" guy looking for financial guidance

[Devout_Haruhiist]

Hi there! While I originally came for the fitness stuff was glad to see there are other branches like this too.

 

I am almost embarrassed to post this but I really need some fresh advice or strategies for budgeting and finances in general. I am 30 years old, single, and live in an apartment. I have a full time job that actually pays me quite a bit of money and also yearly bonuses. That said, even with all that money my poor spending habits leave me with basically no savings and sometimes struggling to pay my bills. I'd like to think I am a smart guy, a math guy, etc. buy my compulsive spending on things for pleasure (and also for "self-improvement" which to my naive self always seems to cost money) has damaged my finances severely leaving me with a lot of credit card and unsecured debt in general. I keep trying to level set but fail every time and end up with even more debt.

 

For example, almost a year ago I took out a personal loan with a lower rate to finally address getting my credit cards paid. Within 6 months I had maxed out my cards again and now had that loan eating up a chunk of income every month (and still have it). Then I got my big yearly bonus and, while at first I used most of it to pay off debt I quickly racked it up yet again. Finally and most recently I started selling stuff I didn't need. Made a tidy sum of a couple hundred dollars and yet that completely evaporated. It's like the only thing that keeps me from spending money is not having it. I am getting tired of panicking about money every few weeks but here I am.

 

I know at the end of the day it just comes down to making the hard choices and breaking spending habits. I have read tons about it, talked to people, etc...but ultimately whether because of core problems with depression or anxiety or just because I am so used to buying things I cannot seem to stick to even a simple budget (and I need a lot more than a simple budget to pay off the debts I have). What's more, when I think that it will take me 3, 4, 5 or more years to pay off the debts I basically wasted money to get, it leads me to despair and inaction.

 

Just want to see if there are any fresh perspectives out there. Thanks for your time.

[Deckard Gainz]

Maybe the problem with the general advice is it's too generalized. What kinds of stuff are you buying? Online subscriptions, toys/games, clothes, methamphetamine? Also, for what purpose are you buying these things? Sustenance, survival, entertainment, social status, attempting to fill an unfillable void?

 

It seems wise to address this as a symptom to a larger problem, but in this case, it's probably fairly important to treat this symptom specifically, in addition to addressing the overarching issues.

 

I mean, my general advice is just to stop buying stuff for a while. Pay to continue living in your home, buy food, and pay off your debts. Oh and internet of course! I suppose that's all easier said than done and probably not incredibly helpful. But maybe? It can really be that simple. Can you eat it or live in it? No? Then don't buy it (for a while). Seriously though if we have some more information about the situation we may be able to provide some more targeted strategy.

[Defining]

There are lots of different solutions, but you'll need to experiment a bit to see what works for you. The first step will need to be an audit - go through ALL of your bills & spent money for the last month. Identify which are fixed are variable expenses, and then which you would deem 'unnecessary' spending. Then make a plan.

 

From what you're describing, you're dealing with an impulse control challenge with spending. Just setting a budget isn't going to do much, because your brain likely won't 'let' you follow it anyway. So the next option is to change your environment to make spending more difficult.

 

A few ways to do this:

- Have automated payments come out of your paycheck every payday (assuming you get paid a salary/wage regularly?) for your debts. You will need to see how much you can afford to put towards that debt each payment from your audit. Taking debt repayment out first means you can't inadvertently spend it first!

- Take a look at your fixed costs: can you move to a cheaper rental, lower your phone bill, reduce your cable package, swap down to a cheaper car lease (if you have one), etc? 

- Cancel your credit cards. At the moment, they are enabling bad behaviour - you can't keep them. If you must keep one for certain bills, then wrap the card itself in rubber bands - don't carry it around in your wallet, and you'll need to 'unwrap' it every time you need to use it (which shouldn't be too often, since it should mostly be for automated bill payment like phone/utilities/etc.).

- If you can, cancel any online shopping accounts you may have.

- For other expenses: take out cash for the month. Spending cash makes you more aware of when it's dwindling. For example, if you had a jar or envelope each for groceries($300-400/month as a suggestion), entertainment ($100/month), eating out & miscellaneous ($120/month), transportation ($ depends on your commute), and household items ($50-80/month) - it would become pretty clear when you start running on empty! 

 

Depending on your debt repayment plan, you'll also want to decide how much money you want to keep available to yourself as an emergency fund. I'd recommend putting that into an entirely separate savings account (maybe an e-savings account so it's not easy to access without thinking about it first?), so as to avoid using that money for something other than a rainy day.

 

Also depending on where you live, and what reputable options are available to you, you may want to consider a formal debt reconsolidation plan to help you avoid some of the compounding interest on the credit card debt. I know it's hard to ask for help, but the sooner you do the faster you'll solve this challenge!

[Elastigirl]

I struggled with budgeting until we started following Dave Ramsey's plan from the book "Total Money Makeover" I really like how he has   step by step plan for you to follow. He recommends getting rid of your credit cards. Another thing that helped was writing out a monthly budget. Then we have actual , real cash money to spend, and we put that in envelopes. So, for example, I have a envelope full of money for clothes. If there is money in the envelope, then I can buy those cool new shoes, otherwise I have to wait until next paycheck. 

Also, I think since you said you seem to buy things when you are depressed or anxious, make a list of free things (or cheap) you could do instead. We have really gotten into geocaching, which is a fun activity that is fairly cheap. Board games aren't exactly cheap, but if you buy a couple of favorites to play they can last for a long time. Those are just ideas, I don't know what works for you. Think through what you think would work for you

 

 

[Jean]

^^^ all of these.

 

Some resources:

• I'm a big fan of Mr. Money Mustache. Not everything he writes may fit your situation and how you want to live your life but frugality through badassity has a levelling up our life ring to it and there's bound to be some useful advice in there.
• Some people like Ramit Sethi. I'm not a fan myself, mainly because I feel a deep disconnect between the cultures in which he and I live.
• There's some talk about the snowball vs avalanche methods of repaying debt. I like to better focus on my spendings and automated payments myself which, if you do, will get you there no matter which method you use.
• If you're a budgeting kind of guy (I have a profound hatred for budgets myself), I've read good things about You Need a Budget, which can be tried for free.

 

A word of caution against money gurus: if someone is willing to take your money to teach you how to manage it better, run the hell away from them: it is the opposite of what you want. Your money is your main asset, here, you want to have the most of it working for you and fueling your own progress, not filling their pockets.

 

As in fitness, a good plan is the one you'll stick to.

As in fitness too, it all starts by some tracking. It's very important that you know what your expenses are and where your money goes, even if it is a little scary. I'd not recommand using credit cards records to do that in your situation so I'd stick with spreadsheets (I, for one, find pretty exciting to get a new piece of graph every day I log more data in it). You can look here if you want a peek at how I am handling it.

 

While you're tracking your expenses, I'd already start handling the big fishes. while you can forego the little things shaping your life (that expresso you take on the way to work), going too hard on frugality can result in binge shopping. This may be especially true if you know yourself to do emotional shopping in times of depression or anxiety (I do it too) and the purpose, here, is for you to be happy, not feel miserable. Something you can tackle immediately are all those passive bills that you have: insurances, subscriptions, cable, phone, internet, ... Basically every bill that comes back every month or year, no matter what. There's a huge potential for saving, there. For every bill, ask yourself:

• Do I use it? If you don't, cancel it.
• Is there something cheaper with equivalent benefits on the market? If yes, switch to it or negociate your current bill.
• Do I really need all of it? (For example, could I do with less internet speed? Less amount of data on my phone plan? Do I really need cable TV?) If you can tone it down while not sacrificing happiness, go for it.

That's free money! You negociate/do the administrative work once and reap the benefits every month/year freely from there. As a bonus, some companies where you'd make new, cheaper subscriptions may offer to handle the administrative work of switching to them themselves. That's one less hassle for you (just make sure there's no overlap on your subsciptions and that your previous subscription is actually cancelled).

 

If you want to cut big amounts in a few steps, big spendings usually are:

• housing: can you find a cheaper rent/live in a smaller appartment?
• car: can you drive a smaller car with less gas consumption? Do you really need a car?
• commuting: could you live closer from work?

You could even move closer to work, in a cheaper appartment, so that you don't need a car anymore, killing three birds with one stone. As a bonus, less commuting means more time for yourself, which is one less factor of stress, which is one less reason to shop emotionally.

 

Once you've done your tracking and you know:

• what are the bills happening every year;
• what are the bills happening every month;
• where the rest of your money goes,

it's time to see what buying habits you'd like to change in order to get your incomes minus spendings on a positive balance, allowing you to pay off debt. Put things on automatic transfers as suggested by Defining and your debts should start to melt. The bigger the balance you manage to achieve, the quicker the debts get repaid so there's some incentive in watching it all happen and working toward it.

 

Then, it's time for the slow and boring part of waiting for your debts to be paid off and either live a happy life on the side without thinking about it anymore or taking aditionnal measures (generating more income) toward getting it done quicker.

 

Hang in there and have fun on the way!

[Hazard]

Study The Richest Man in Babylon.  <--- That's the pdf file, viewable online, now, for free.

 

[muadib]

Hello Devout_Haruhiist!

 

 I use to be broke!  I was so far behind in my student loan that they called my mom, my aunt, and my grandmother!  Well, I got an earful from my mom and I lied to her and said it was some sort of mistake.   I finally got my stuff together and years later, yes it WILL take time, I am doing very well.   I have an emergency fund that will hold my family for 8 months.  My investments are doing very well and I have peace in my life.  I also have a nice car, paid for, and this is a far cry from where I was when I was broke.  I was living in a one-room apt, sleeping on a futon. Just my credit card debt was 45K ALL above 18%!

 

I credit my turn around to Dave Ramsey. I can find you free resources online so you don't have to pay for the information.   

 

If you ever need anything else, budgeting tips..etc...etc.. let me know I am here to help. 

 

Check out this guy!

https://youtu.be/o_8ebac0ZWc?t=4592

[Harriet]

Sounds like your income is adequate, but that you're using shopping/buying as an emotional coping mechanism. I was recently reading about behavioural addiction, and the book said something that made sense, namely that anything pleasurable can become addicting when we use it to cope with emotional distress. I guess your next steps would be to figure out some concrete tactics for addressing emotional buying. These could include:

 

1. Identifying triggers (do you shop at night, on the weekend, on the computer, at the mall, when anxious, or when happy, what sort of thoughts or feelings trigger the urge?)

2. Developing other coping mecanisms (unfortunately, healthy coping is hard and takes time to learn, but maybe you could use some CBT or meditation, also, there might be other not-exactly-healthy but not-really-damaging coping mechanisms in the form of less immediately harmful pleasures... like, IDK, video games? knitting?)
3. Put in place some restrictions that make it more difficult to automatically start shopping. (If you shop online, you could delete the websites you visit often, or even get a programme to block them. If you shop spontaneously when you're out and about you could leave your cards at home)

4. You could make some rules for yourself that are simple and clear (I'm not buying anything with credit this month... or I don't need any clothes for the next three months... or I'm spending no more than x dollars on pleasures this month) so that you can practice saying No in specific situations. 

Good luck. 

[Devout_Haruhiist]

Wow, thanks for the huge amountof replies! I am traveling at the moment but will get back to all of them!

[Devout_Haruhiist]

On 6/6/2019 at 8:42 AM, Deckard Gainz said:

Maybe the problem with the general advice is it's too generalized. What kinds of stuff are you buying? Online subscriptions, toys/games, clothes, methamphetamine? Also, for what purpose are you buying these things? Sustenance, survival, entertainment, social status, attempting to fill an unfillable void?

 

It seems wise to address this as a symptom to a larger problem, but in this case, it's probably fairly important to treat this symptom specifically, in addition to addressing the overarching issues.

 

I mean, my general advice is just to stop buying stuff for a while. Pay to continue living in your home, buy food, and pay off your debts. Oh and internet of course! I suppose that's all easier said than done and probably not incredibly helpful. But maybe? It can really be that simple. Can you eat it or live in it? No? Then don't buy it (for a while). Seriously though if we have some more information about the situation we may be able to provide some more targeted strategy.

 

Hey Deckard, thanks for the reply. I can certainly give more information that might help explain my particular situation (since I agree some advice can be too general) and I agree that just "not buying stuff" is a lot harder than it sounds (and the fact that it is hard for me is another source of shame too).

 

I would say my expenses fall into 3 main categories:

1. Necessary Expenses: Rent, electric, food (though I am sure I pay too much for food since I don't cook), internet, insurance, etc.

2. Pleasure Expenses: Video games (buying more than I can even play, especially in the past), Board Games (ditto), some other things like subscriptions (I have cut these down recently) and, admittedly some stuff that is NSFW too that eats up a lot and is particularly impulsive.

3. "Self Improvement" Expenses: This is a new category in the last 2 years or so for me where I ended up spending a ton on dating sites, matchmaking, gym/training, coaching, therapists, career advisors, etc. all to try and figure out my life to no avail so far

 

On 6/6/2019 at 11:30 AM, Defining said:

There are lots of different solutions, but you'll need to experiment a bit to see what works for you. The first step will need to be an audit - go through ALL of your bills & spent money for the last month. Identify which are fixed are variable expenses, and then which you would deem 'unnecessary' spending. Then make a plan.

 

From what you're describing, you're dealing with an impulse control challenge with spending. Just setting a budget isn't going to do much, because your brain likely won't 'let' you follow it anyway. So the next option is to change your environment to make spending more difficult.

 

A few ways to do this:

- Have automated payments come out of your paycheck every payday (assuming you get paid a salary/wage regularly?) for your debts. You will need to see how much you can afford to put towards that debt each payment from your audit. Taking debt repayment out first means you can't inadvertently spend it first!

- Take a look at your fixed costs: can you move to a cheaper rental, lower your phone bill, reduce your cable package, swap down to a cheaper car lease (if you have one), etc? 

- Cancel your credit cards. At the moment, they are enabling bad behaviour - you can't keep them. If you must keep one for certain bills, then wrap the card itself in rubber bands - don't carry it around in your wallet, and you'll need to 'unwrap' it every time you need to use it (which shouldn't be too often, since it should mostly be for automated bill payment like phone/utilities/etc.).

- If you can, cancel any online shopping accounts you may have.

- For other expenses: take out cash for the month. Spending cash makes you more aware of when it's dwindling. For example, if you had a jar or envelope each for groceries($300-400/month as a suggestion), entertainment ($100/month), eating out & miscellaneous ($120/month), transportation ($ depends on your commute), and household items ($50-80/month) - it would become pretty clear when you start running on empty! 

 

Depending on your debt repayment plan, you'll also want to decide how much money you want to keep available to yourself as an emergency fund. I'd recommend putting that into an entirely separate savings account (maybe an e-savings account so it's not easy to access without thinking about it first?), so as to avoid using that money for something other than a rainy day.

 

 

You are right that it is an impulse control challenge. I have tried multiple times in the last year to have an excel sheet, written list, etc. in an attempt to budget and they have all ended up getting blown through. I do use a lot of automatic payments but then I just end up overdrawing my accounts and paying more fees.

 

Looking at fixed costs is a reasonable idea I can look into, but I do not think at first glance there will be a lot of wiggle room there. I have looked at debt consolidation/management plans formally and think they could still be an option but I am intimidated by the amount of time I will be paying the debt and not sure I can reliably make the minimum payments required.

 

I have also heard of the cash method but not tried it yet because I buy almost nothing in physical space, other than food. I guess that is kind of the point though. I will give your bullets another read through though and see if I can make some better choices.

 

On 6/6/2019 at 11:56 AM, Elastigirl said:

I struggled with budgeting until we started following Dave Ramsey's plan from the book "Total Money Makeover" I really like how he has   step by step plan for you to follow. He recommends getting rid of your credit cards. Another thing that helped was writing out a monthly budget. Then we have actual , real cash money to spend, and we put that in envelopes. So, for example, I have a envelope full of money for clothes. If there is money in the envelope, then I can buy those cool new shoes, otherwise I have to wait until next paycheck. 

Also, I think since you said you seem to buy things when you are depressed or anxious, make a list of free things (or cheap) you could do instead. We have really gotten into geocaching, which is a fun activity that is fairly cheap. Board games aren't exactly cheap, but if you buy a couple of favorites to play they can last for a long time. Those are just ideas, I don't know what works for you. Think through what you think would work for you

 

 

 

Thanks! I saw you and some other posters mention Dave Ramsey. I had always thought that a little too extreme but maybe that is what I need. I will read more into it. I have tried a bit at looking at free things but I think the buying itself and the anticipation of getting something new is the emotion I am getting temporarily charged from that I need to overcome.

 

 

I will come back a bit later to address the other responses. Thanks for all the advice and resources so far though! It will take me awhile to read through it all haha.

 

[Defining]

1 hour ago, Devout_Haruhiist said:

I buy almost nothing in physical space, other than food. I guess that is kind of the point though.

That's exactly the point. You need to make it more difficult to spend money. Credit cards make it easy, and therefore have a low impulse barrier. If you can only buy stuff in cash, or restrict your credit card limit to what's required for only your fixed cost bills that go through it, then you make it significantly harder to get stuff 'just because'. You'll need to think through the purchase/expenditure because you'll have an extra couple of steps before being able to click 'checkout'!

 

The trick is to automate the necessary stuff (housing, insurance, debt, etc), and make everything else a bit more difficult. That's not to say that you CAN'T spend money on fun stuff, just that you'll have to stop to think about it first.

[Jean]

8 hours ago, Devout_Haruhiist said:

I do use a lot of automatic payments but then I just end up overdrawing my accounts and paying more fees.

 

I'd try to have several accounts:

• A basic, checking account: that's where your salary goes when you get paid. Once you've set your automatic payments, you don't touch it anymore. Ever.
  • set automatic payments for your essentials :
    • housing
    • debt repayments (start with the minimal payments, adjust once you've determined how much you can commit to it)
    • insurances
  • set an automatic payment for your yearly expenses (see below)
  • set an automatic payment for your disposable money account (see below)
  • you may set an automatic payment toward a secured prepaid credit card used for food (groceries would be better but you can use it for whatever your habits are at first)
  • you may set an automatic payment toward another secured prepaid credit card used for your leisury purchases, if you want to keep some of them that require a credit card.

• A savings account without fees: that's where you put the money you save for yearly expenses. Set a monthly amount to go there automatically from your checking account, every month, directly after pay day (corresponding to your expected yearly expenses). Whenever a planned yearly bill happens, the money comes from there and you have it, magically, because you've set it up there and couldn't use it for other things in the mean time

• Another checking account (without fees). This is your disposable money account. What goes there can be spent on whatever you want. Do make sure that you can't get it in the negative (ask your bank about it. I don't know if they do it where you live but it's pretty standard in Switzerland). When there's no more money on it, you can't spend anymore money. Period. The essentials are covered and the debts keep getting repaid so even with no available money, you can live a decent life with fee less activities.

I'd take grocery money appart. The cash enveloppes system seems fine, otherwise, you can create another accout for it with a dedicated debit card. Then, it's up to you not to play with it. If you spend it on other things, you won't eat...

 

You can have a secured prepaid credit card that you'd provision each month with a dedicated amount of disposable money if you feel better with it. Once it's depeleted, there's no more credit card money for the month and you have to rely on free activities for your leisures and coping.

 

I'd put my credit cards far away from me, as in, I'd actually ask a relative/close friend to keep them for me. They're still there if you really need them but you can't access them easily and will have to explain why you really need them everytime you need to use them. I'd even go as far as asking my relative/close friend to sit with me as I do my shopping with them, as to make sure I'm not using it as a way to buy something else.

 

The budget thing is important because if you don't do it, you'll end up without money for essential things (food, bodycare and cleaning products, essential clothing, ...) and you'll feel justified to take in your salary or savings account for it while you really, really should not (chances being that you ran out of "food" money because you've used it on other things in the first place). Cash envelopes sound great. Dedicated debit and secured prepaid credit cards can be fine too.

 

In any case, knowledge is key. You need to know how much of your income is taken by essentials, what your minimal debt payments and interests are, what you spend on things like food/clothing/bodycare, how much money is available once all of that has been taken into account, how much of it you want to dedicate to leisures and how much of it is going to go toward paying down debt. Paying it all may take time (it can also be pretty quick, depending on several parameters) but barring life changing events, your situation won't get worse in the mean time so if you can live with it for a year, then you can live with it for more (and keep levelling up your life in the mean time by doing fun, cheap activities).

 

[Devout_Haruhiist]

Thanks for the additional pointers. I think the biggest problem is definitely a matter of willpower for me, not necessarily technique. I am aware of the problem in that I think about it everyday but my self-destructive nature (see my other thread where I recognize I have some behavioral addictions that also cause financial distress) is preventing me from making real progress. I feel like I am stuck in a bit of a catch-22. I have low self-worth, depression, etc. which fuels my addictions which leads to shame and financial distress, which further lowers self worth and makes me more self destructive, which includes the financial stuff.

[Dilnad]

I'm going to echo people who said Dave Ramsey!!! He is an amazing life changing man and there is absolutely no catch.  We are 100% debt free. Don't owe a dime to anyone, and we are quite content. Dave does weave a significant amount of religion in there. His hook is God's and Grandmas ways of managing money.  I was a bit turned off by it but the fact is every time he quotes the bible or a proverb, the financial message in it makes 100% common sense. I learned to not let those things bother me because the message is absolutely amazing!! "The Total Money Makeover" is the best book I've ever owned. Additionally, while a bit more costly, his Financial Peace University" is well worth it as well. It's a stretched out, in depth 9 week course that covers the stuff within the Total Money Makeover in more detail.

 

BTW If you're a skeptic, check out his show. It's on the radio, satellite, podcasts, you tube, his own app. All free. Listen to a few hours of the show and you'll get the vibe for what's going on. I got sucked in immediately and turned my life around.

 

FINAL NOTE: http://www.everydollar.com is the free budget tool offered by Dave Ramsey. It's the best budgeting software I've ever used. Super easy. I tried the paid version and find I like the free one more. Well worth the download.

[Devout_Haruhiist]

One other related topic I wanted to get advice about wasn't so much about the technique (which everyone here has provided some nice ideas) but the mentality. For me, I feel like I built up a lot of debt in, let's say, the last 4 years. One mental barrier I have to paying it off is basically despair. When I think about the fact that it will take 4+ years for me to pay that debt (and only if I live a more austere lifestyle) I tend to go into regret and despair and wonder if it's pointless. It just kind of leads into that same cycle of low self worth (beating myself up over the debt, then being daunted by the time to get out of it and feeling like I am "wasting time").

[Jean]

My personal trick?

 

Change your focus. You're considering things in the now and are having regrets over what you've done and not done in the past. Switch it. Put yourself in the future and watch present you from there. Will you have regrets because you didn't tackle your debts in the present? Will you be oh so glad to be debt free and have more availability for, for example, raising your newborn children?

 

I'm 34, life hasn't ended for me and what I did and did not do when I was 30 does impact what I can and cannot do right now. You've got 35 years of working life ahead of you, are 4 years of sacrifice worth more freedom for the 31 other of them?

 

 

On 6/14/2019 at 3:14 AM, Devout_Haruhiist said:

I have low self-worth, depression, etc. which fuels my addictions which leads to shame and financial distress, which further lowers self worth and makes me more self destructive, which includes the financial stuff.

 

Motivational speeches have helped me a lot in the past. Here are a few of those I'm still listening to when I need a little boost:

 

Vision: to project myself in the future and look at present me doing his choices;

Dream: to help me keep a broader vision and aim big;

Failure: to remind myself that we are all failing all the time - other people just don't show it but we can't hide it from ourselves - boosting my sense of self worth (because others are just as covered in shit as I am and what really matters is to just keep going forward).

 

On 6/14/2019 at 3:14 AM, Devout_Haruhiist said:

I think the biggest problem is definitely a matter of willpower for me, not necessarily technique.

 

Willpower is overrated. What really works for me is building a system and having choices precut for me. That's what you get with automation. All it really requires is one meeting with your bank advisor, putting things on the table and requesting your accounts to have a hard line at $0 not allowing you to dig in them below that, ever.

[Renate]

Good thread! Mentality wise, I would also hammer on the "freedom" aspect of being debt free. 

 

All sorts of companies, but esecially loan and NSFW companies, live off of your insecurities and pry on you weaknesses.

 

(Both establishments are probably the oldest professions in history, just modernised?)

 

I used to spend a lot of money on cosmetics because I felt insecure about my skin, and other body image stuff, for example.

 

All the while my skin actually needed me stopping to eat so much chocolate, junk food and drink more water. Not the solution for everyone, but it was in my case. But I eat sweets when I am emotional, so the cycle continued.

 

Have your own crusade against/be your own hero to save yourself from those damned sleek companies making money off of you! 

 

And then maybe inspire others?

 

Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor. 

 

No idea what to add to this. Good luck! 

[Renate]

Right, this topic stayed on my mind. Don't know if this is useful, but I wanted to say that you should not berate and shame yourself for falling to these weaknesses.

 

Sure, one person is more prone to addiction than another, but these circumstances are inherently human.

 

Great (wo)men have fallen because of the temptation of easy money and/or easy readily available pleasure. So what of us regular folks, who much less often feel like we can control our outcomes? 

 

We have to strengthen our cores, and not rely on our human selves to be able to make the right choices while we are still strengthening those cores.

 

Thus precutting and automating choices (as mentioned above) so you can spend your "willpower points" on your work and important relationships is smart, not weak.

 

Why keep candy on the kitchen counter, when you can throw it in the bin, unless you enjoy torturing yourself. Well, if you do, then just go to birthday parties. Or stand in the breakroom when someone has brought brownies or something. Keep the difficulty level on 'easy' at home :p throw the candy in the bin! / block websites / automate grocery shopping by getting a Hellofresh membership or something. And maybe look for a support group/forum. You do not have to do it alone.

 

Yeah, I much prefer the above messages that are much more down-to-earth and give you concrete next steps. But on the off chance my rambles are useful to you, here they are.

 

Have a good day.

[Diadhuit]

This is a great thread, one thing I always reccomend is to still keep at least one thing that keeps you happy.
As in dieting, if you go too restrictive you binge, it is the same with a budget.
Also can you find something you have already to 'win you' money? For example, you mentioned you might spend too much when eating out and you have a collection of tabletop games. Can you have a gamenight at yours with the rule 'guests bring food'? I personally would find it a good tradeoff as I would enjoy a night with friends, not in a loud pub but in a relaxing home, and all I have to do is to cook for 10? Bargain [emoji16]