Treva Fights for Herself

[Treva]

Weekly Wrap Up: 

Internal Change: I have not been meditating on things that make me angry, because I am not angry.  Interesting.

External change: I think I have practiced for an hour at some point this week.  I am practicing about 20-30 minutes a night consistently, which is good.

Homework Goal: I got up to date on India, a little, and am reading about some of the things I can do to help.  It is more active than thoughts and prayers or sending money.  This is cool.

Relaxation Goal: going to play video games tonight with pizza and maybe a smol alcohol.

 

I have been beating up on myself to lose those "last five pounds" for several months now.  I had the opportunity to do an exercise cardiac and pulmonary stress test today, which I did.  It turns out I am in very good shape, with numbers consistent with recreational or regular athlete and am very energy efficient.  My anaerobic threshold is consistent with an athletic male, so as a "non-athletic" female who thinks she still has a few more pounds to lose, this is very cool.  The best part is that my insides are all not ischemic and work like the machine I have been hoping they would.

So

I may not look like much but I guess I've got it where it counts.

 

I never planned on being an elite athlete, but having this reassurance that what I'm doing works, is really, really nice.

 

For next week, I want to look into toxic body positivity.  I want to tackle that.

[Treva]

Well, I gave myself a break from no facebook no extra scrolling, and I found that I really don't need to scroll any more than I usually do.  I realized I am angry less because I am looking at facebook less, and there is less of the "woe is me" in my life from people who don't matter.  

 

I haven't found great resources for how to talk to patients about toxic body positivity yet.  i haven't found a lot of resources on toxic body positivity; which is a little frustrating.  

I am not practicing consistently enough.  I really really need to build consistency; my history of discipline is there, I just need to prioritize it.  My bosses are encouraging me to not overwork myself with the extra research projects.  Maybe now is a good time to build some consistency.  

 

Major Changes

I realized tonight that the act of practicing is not necessarily selfish; I do it to be better and to be a better person.  By working on myself, I can be a more positive force for change in the community, and I can bring better music to people.  Just because I enjoy it doesn't make it selfish.    

I am not going to decon after work unless I am on a covid service. 

 

I am going to aim for after work piano practice for 30 minutes, 45-60 minutes of working out, and 45-60 minutes of organ practice.  I will be flexible with the piano practice; if I'm leaving work after 530PM, I'll toss it.  

 

Secrets to making this work: Minimizing Meal Prep.  I can use pre-prepped lunches and easy-prep dinners to keep me from having to spend a lot of time in the kitchen.  

[Treva]

Been a few days overdue to posting, but here we are. 

I've substituted my decon time with an extra 30 minutes on the piano at work.  I still hate it when people try to talk to me for more than 5 minutes.  I came to play, not to chat.  A little frustrating.  

 

I revamped my diet again, ish, and overall is more veggies with protein, and legume and veggie based carbs for the most part, very little added sugar.  Buying my celery sticks precut really helps.  Roasting everything in the oven at dinner time means I can get all my meals made/prepared for the next day in 20 minutes, and then I save a bunch of time for self care and practice.

 

I liked the internal/external change model to keep myself motivated initially and overcome some mental blocks.  Now I am moving towards setting tasks for the day, the week, and the month.  

Goals for this week: 

Internal change: don't be anxious when talking to bosses at work

External change: drink more water

[Treva]

It feels like a hot minute since I last posted, but honestly probably not.  

I stopped playing piano at work in favor of getting home earlier for more quality organ time.  I got sick of being bothered while trying to play.  

 

The diet revamp has worked out, I think.  I'm down a couple of pounds.  I haven't stopped baking sweets, but keeping lots of healthy snacks with me at work has been a solid good.  I have still been roasting stuff in the oven, which is a game changer.  I've added in small potatoes as my starch instead of bread or pasta, and it keeps me less hungry after dinner.  And weirdest of all, waking up to have breakfast before I rush into work puts me a little more on my game.  I drink my espresso before I go to work so I'm a little more awake.  

 

Still struggling with anxiety.  I think it is because first day in a new place always makes me anxious.  I also have a lot of background stuff going on.  I haven't meditated, and I haven't used my journal in a while.  I've ben getting pretty bad headaches, and I feel like my personal life is s**t right now.  

Workout life is ok, music life is pretty good, work life is stressful, and personal life is crap with a veneer of sanity or something overtop.  I'm keeping it together.  I'm just tired too.  Today was double stressful because I had research meetings, and I'm overdue for a bunch of work documents that I legitimately tried to do today, even though the server kept crashing.

Anyways.  Time to turn on something funny and get back to work

 

Goals for this week/two weeks

- continue to have breakfast before work

- either meditate, journal, or both at night.  no excuses.  I have five minutes, I can meditate

- return all emails within 24 hours, or as they come in and Do Not Stress about the language

- make decisions at work.  Don't hedge, don't fret.  Identify the problem, algorithm to solution, modify based on current factors.  

- hydrate goddammit.

[Treva]

So, while I would like to join up on the recent PVP, since I would like to lose 6 pounds in 6 weeks, I am definitely not comfortable posting my weight.  So for now, keepin on doom blogging into the void.  

 

At work: I was able to start handling some more critical care stuff and you know what?  nobody died.  In fact, my workup and diagnostic acumen was spot on.  So I was like, ah yes, I have achieved some level of badassery.  That is pretty damn cool.

I have essentially gotten started on the very long road, which is nice.

 

I am still a little annoyed that I haven't lost as much weight as I want to, but I also respect that I am pre-shark week, and I am 3 pounds down from last month's pre-shark week weight, which is probably a good sign of weight loss.  I'm gonna keep on roastin them veggies, but I think I need to work on my portion control.  

Personal life continues to be sh*t , but you know what, I am ignoring it.  It's not there right now.  Just going to let everything burn.

 

Breakfast and espresso before work, even if I have to get there at 6:30, has also been a game changer.  I am so much more awake and alert and my plans are much better.  I feel much more confident and I interact with attendings in a more positive and constructive way.  

I am cranking through the research still.  It is feeling very overwhelming, so I have been doing a lot of mirrors edge catalyst.  highly recommend.  

 

I am still not meditating.  Goddammit.  

I am also still bad at hydrating at work again.  

I am making decisions!! at work!! that aren't wrong!! god it's amazing!!!

I am returning emails regularly.  Good job self, overcoming communication anxiety.  I still have it, but I am managing it better.  

 

Right now I just want to identify roadblocks to weight loss.  After that, I will identify solutions.  I will also plan to go to the gym sometime in july to reactivate my membership and ask them when they will open the pool again.  I want to swim again.  I know I lose weight when I swim.

 

I recently started taking B12 and vitamin D, and I have felt a huge difference in my mood.  '

 

Goals for this week

- Talk to my attending

- don't order crappy food when on call

- meditate

- hydrate

- identify road blocks to weight loss.

[Treva]

Weekly wrap up

 Talk to my attending: did not, because shenanigans.  I may just email tonight because I am so heck tired and I am too chicken to ask in person 

Not ordering crappy food: I ordered chipotle, because I know what those calories are and I can control "portions" a little better.  I counted it out and the salad that I got is around 450 calories, which is right for a dinner on a 28.

  Meditate: started this.  Feeling better.

  Hydrate: also started this.  also feeling better

  Identify road blocks to weight loss: inconsistent schedule leading to inconsistent diet and training.  Stress leading to poor sleep, probably wacky hormones, and not helping myself with weightloss.  I still want to think more about this one too.  Do I eat too much chocolate?  Probably.  Is that my only vice?   I drink zero calorie sodas because I need the caffeine, and I eat a few pieces of chocolate every day.  Sometimes a small dessert, like a lemon custard cup with some warm skim milk.  That's it.

 

So the inability to lose weight is probably coming from my actual lifestyle, which, to be honest, is not going to get better.  Out of morbid curiosity I'm interested to see if a health coach can actually offer anything.  The answer will probably be no.  Something has to give, and other people's health trumps mine right now.

 

 

I reorganized my apartment a little bit this week, which has helped me feel more efficient. 

I baked lemon bars to bring in to the team. 

I'm working on getting  my hair less frizzy, changed out some of my skincare products and am sticking with an adapalene gel that has helped me in the past.  I still feel overwhelmed by a lot of what I need to get done for work and the upcoming application cycle, but I am starting to make progress.

[Treva]

Weekly wrap up

New trainees this week.  I think I am still stressed, and I missed one or two things this week.  I am trying to be better.

 

Hydrating: going well.  A new trainee and I are both health nuts, and it has been helping to have someone on the same bandwagon as I am.  

Weight loss: I was thinking today that even though there are a lot of things about my health that I can't control, these are probably the same for a lot of people, and I shouldn't stress out too much over the things I cannot control.  I can control how efficient I am during the day, what time I go to bed, how much water I drink.  I can't control how hungry I feel.  I think that's important for me to recognize.  

Meditation: still bad at this.  Will keep trying to make time for it before bed.  I guess the good news is that I'm usually so tired I pass out the minute I hit the pillow.  

 

I am practicing more; even if it's 15-20 minutes at the end of the day, I'm finding I can get home at 7 or 8 pm and still get in s&s, techniquework, and skincare. 

 

My at home studying has been suffering since february, mostly because I have had to devote extra time to applications and research.  something came up at work that I should have known about but ran out of time to listen to the podcast.  I really want to make time for lectures and learning, but it's hard to carve away that space.  Even an hour.  Maybe I will try to just pick a lecture a week or something to listen to.  

 

The team loved the lemon bars.

 

I bought myself flowers for reasons.  the human and I need to have a talk.  I am not as upset about this as I used to be.

 

Goals for this week

- Listen to 1 lecture and take notes

- Finish metronome work on the bach trio

- finish my research stupid

- start my research talk

- make postcall cinnamon rolls

- keep working out in whatever way I am able to each day

[Treva]

Early?  Weekly wrapup.  I have the time today, so I am using it.

 

Goals follow up

- Listen to 1 lecture and take notes: I listened to three!

- Finish metronome work on the bach trio- still time, almost there

-Finish my research stupid just needs final review and then done

- start research talk - still to do

-Make postcall cinnamon rolls - doing today for tomorrow yumminess.

- keep working out in whatever way I am able to - I am sure getting my steps in at work. 

Hydrating: I switched units again.  I need to get myself hydrating again.

Weight loss: I am just less hungry these days, which is probably a good thing.  Overall I am eating less for some reason, but drinking a lot more water.  We will see if that makes a difference.

Fruits and vegetables: 5+

Bread carbs - 2

Proteins - 4-5

High sugar foods - 2

I think this is an ok balance.  That is usually what I need for weight loss.  The only thing I can cut at this point is dessert.

Meditation: goddammit.  I fall into bed so tired most of the time I don't even get around to it.  I need to link it with exercise again.

 

I still need to practice more this week, start my research talk, and make cinnamon rolls for myself.  I can almost certainly get all that done today. 

[Roamer]

Random encouragement: Lookin' good! Keep at it! Dieting is always difficult... Especially when you are trying out new recipes. Haha In my experience I've lost nearly 30lbs just counting calories and generally ignoring macros. So as long as you're not going over your daily calorie intake you should be good. (Though I have changed that strategy here lately just to see how it goes.)

[Treva]

On 7/2/2021 at 10:48 AM, Roamer said:

Random encouragement: Lookin' good! Keep at it! Dieting is always difficult... Especially when you are trying out new recipes. Haha In my experience I've lost nearly 30lbs just counting calories and generally ignoring macros. So as long as you're not going over your daily calorie intake you should be good. (Though I have changed that strategy here lately just to see how it goes.)

Thank you for chiming in!!  I appreciate you visiting, and congratulations on your weight loss!   What strategies have you tried, and what are you using right now?

[Roamer]

On 7/4/2021 at 10:46 AM, Treva said:

Thank you for chiming in!!  I appreciate you visiting, and congratulations on your weight loss!   What strategies have you tried, and what are you using right now?

 

Thank you! I'm happy to offer encouragement! Like I said before all I really did was just monitor my calorie intake based on my TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure). There are many free online calculators to figure yours out and it only takes a few seconds to do. But, if you want to go beyond that you could keep track of your macros: carbs, proteins and fats - which is what I'm currently doing. I'm looking to reshape my physique though so my weight is no longer a relevant factor to me. My goal was originally to do a 40/40/20 split but... I have been having trouble pulling it off. (That's 40% carbs, 40% protein and 20% fat) My normal range is closer to 40/30/30 or sometimes even 50/20/30. But I recently started taking protein supplements and cutting back on carbs so maybe I can get it more to where I want. 

 

I've heard carbs are bad and that you should use fats instead... But I don't know personally about any of that. I'm going to finish a month of my current plan before I go making any more drastic changes.

 

And again, these are more "fine tune" strats. You might be just as well only measuring your calorie intake if weight loss is your only goal.

[Treva]

11 hours ago, Roamer said:

 

Thank you! I'm happy to offer encouragement! Like I said before all I really did was just monitor my calorie intake based on my TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure). There are many free online calculators to figure yours out and it only takes a few seconds to do. But, if you want to go beyond that you could keep track of your macros: carbs, proteins and fats - which is what I'm currently doing. I'm looking to reshape my physique though so my weight is no longer a relevant factor to me. My goal was originally to do a 40/40/20 split but... I have been having trouble pulling it off. (That's 40% carbs, 40% protein and 20% fat) My normal range is closer to 40/30/30 or sometimes even 50/20/30. But I recently started taking protein supplements and cutting back on carbs so maybe I can get it more to where I want. 

 

I've heard carbs are bad and that you should use fats instead... But I don't know personally about any of that. I'm going to finish a month of my current plan before I go making any more drastic changes.

 

And again, these are more "fine tune" strats. You might be just as well only measuring your calorie intake if weight loss is your only goal.

 

Hey, thanks for chiming in.  I'm really glad you've found a macro range that works for you, and for what it's worth, labeling a macronutrient as "bad" doesn't seem to have panned out well in the science.  I hope you get towards the physique you want with your cuts and workout plan! 

 

I've been calorie counting for >10 yrs, using variants on TDEEs, playing with macros for probably the last 3+years, and combining a few of the most recently studied diets. I usually don't end up posting them here.  My biggest barrier to weight loss is that most TDEE calculators and macros don't account for my day-to-day activity accurately. 

[Roamer]

On 7/7/2021 at 9:21 AM, Treva said:

 

Hey, thanks for chiming in.  I'm really glad you've found a macro range that works for you, and for what it's worth, labeling a macronutrient as "bad" doesn't seem to have panned out well in the science.  I hope you get towards the physique you want with your cuts and workout plan! 

 

I've been calorie counting for >10 yrs, using variants on TDEEs, playing with macros for probably the last 3+years, and combining a few of the most recently studied diets. I usually don't end up posting them here.  My biggest barrier to weight loss is that most TDEE calculators and macros don't account for my day-to-day activity accurately. 

 

Yes, I have noticed that is an issue with TDEE calculators. The definitions for how much physical activity you do are very vague. You exercise 1-3 times a week? What exactly does that mean? I guess it's just meant to be a guideline of sorts. Either, way it is better than not tracking anything - that much I can at least give it. lol

[Mistr]

Found you!

 

Not that you were hiding, just that the new notification system doesn't show me when my friends post anymore. I was wondering how you were doing, and now I know. You are making excellent progress.

 

On 5/7/2021 at 5:32 PM, Treva said:

Weekly Wrap Up: 

Internal Change: I have not been meditating on things that make me angry, because I am not angry.  Interesting.

External change: I think I have practiced for an hour at some point this week.  I am practicing about 20-30 minutes a night consistently, which is good.

Homework Goal: I got up to date on India, a little, and am reading about some of the things I can do to help.  It is more active than thoughts and prayers or sending money.  This is cool.

Relaxation Goal: going to play video games tonight with pizza and maybe a smol alcohol.

 

I have been beating up on myself to lose those "last five pounds" for several months now.  I had the opportunity to do an exercise cardiac and pulmonary stress test today, which I did.  It turns out I am in very good shape, with numbers consistent with recreational or regular athlete and am very energy efficient.  My anaerobic threshold is consistent with an athletic male, so as a "non-athletic" female who thinks she still has a few more pounds to lose, this is very cool.  The best part is that my insides are all not ischemic and work like the machine I have been hoping they would.

So

I may not look like much but I guess I've got it where it counts.

 

I never planned on being an elite athlete, but having this reassurance that what I'm doing works, is really, really nice.

 

For next week, I want to look into toxic body positivity.  I want to tackle that.

 

On 6/3/2021 at 4:53 PM, Treva said:

I stopped playing piano at work in favor of getting home earlier for more quality organ time.  I got sick of being bothered while trying to play.  

 

That makes a lot of sense. Playing in public is a different thing than playing for yourself, even if you are not giving a scheduled performance.

 

On 6/3/2021 at 4:53 PM, Treva said:

The diet revamp has worked out, I think.  I'm down a couple of pounds.  I haven't stopped baking sweets, but keeping lots of healthy snacks with me at work has been a solid good.  I have still been roasting stuff in the oven, which is a game changer.  I've added in small potatoes as my starch instead of bread or pasta, and it keeps me less hungry after dinner.  And weirdest of all, waking up to have breakfast before I rush into work puts me a little more on my game.  I drink my espresso before I go to work so I'm a little more awake.  

On 6/22/2021 at 3:28 PM, Treva said:

Weekly wrap up

 Talk to my attending: did not, because shenanigans.  I may just email tonight because I am so heck tired and I am too chicken to ask in person 

Not ordering crappy food: I ordered chipotle, because I know what those calories are and I can control "portions" a little better.  I counted it out and the salad that I got is around 450 calories, which is right for a dinner on a 28.

  Meditate: started this.  Feeling better.

  Hydrate: also started this.  also feeling better

 

You have been making steady and sustainable changes in your eating that are getting you close to your goal weight. I think that is amazing, considering the work stress you have to deal with. 

 

On 6/22/2021 at 3:28 PM, Treva said:

  Identify road blocks to weight loss: inconsistent schedule leading to inconsistent diet and training.  Stress leading to poor sleep, probably wacky hormones, and not helping myself with weightloss.  I still want to think more about this one too.  Do I eat too much chocolate?  Probably.  Is that my only vice?   I drink zero calorie sodas because I need the caffeine, and I eat a few pieces of chocolate every day.  Sometimes a small dessert, like a lemon custard cup with some warm skim milk.  That's it.

 

So the inability to lose weight is probably coming from my actual lifestyle, which, to be honest, is not going to get better.  Out of morbid curiosity I'm interested to see if a health coach can actually offer anything.  The answer will probably be no.  Something has to give, and other people's health trumps mine right now.

 

As you said, you are dealing as well as you can with a difficult situation. Let me reframe your question "Do I eat too much chocolate?" as "Do I eat too much of other foods to allow me to eat the chocolate I need to maintain my sanity?".  

 

I'm betting you selected your goal weight based on what you weighed or how you look at some point several years ago. At that time you were probably working 90% instead of 110% and did not have the stress of a pandemic going on. Your body may be keeping a few extra pounds as a reserve in case things get worse. That is a good thing from an evolutionary point of view. You just found that you are in excellent physical health, so maybe just let this goal move to the back burner for a while.

 

On 6/3/2021 at 4:53 PM, Treva said:

Still struggling with anxiety.  I think it is because first day in a new place always makes me anxious.  I also have a lot of background stuff going on.  I haven't meditated, and I haven't used my journal in a while.  I've ben getting pretty bad headaches, and I feel like my personal life is s**t right now.  

Workout life is ok, music life is pretty good, work life is stressful, and personal life is crap with a veneer of sanity or something overtop.  I'm keeping it together. 

 

Goals for this week/two weeks

- continue to have breakfast before work

- either meditate, journal, or both at night.  no excuses.  I have five minutes, I can meditate

- return all emails within 24 hours, or as they come in and Do Not Stress about the language

- make decisions at work.  Don't hedge, don't fret.  Identify the problem, algorithm to solution, modify based on current factors.  

- hydrate goddammit.

On 6/22/2021 at 3:28 PM, Treva said:

I reorganized my apartment a little bit this week, which has helped me feel more efficient. 

I baked lemon bars to bring in to the team. 

I'm working on getting  my hair less frizzy, changed out some of my skincare products and am sticking with an adapalene gel that has helped me in the past.  I still feel overwhelmed by a lot of what I need to get done for work and the upcoming application cycle, but I am starting to make progress.

 

You are doing well on a lot of your goals and coping with the others. Lots of good things happening, just in a background of chaos.

 

Elf likes Coconut Curls products for their hair. Also several creams. I can get the names if you want to try more different things.

 

Where are you at in the process of medical education and career progression now?

[Treva]

On 7/21/2021 at 5:02 PM, Mistr said:

Found you!

 

Not that you were hiding, just that the new notification system doesn't show me when my friends post anymore. I was wondering how you were doing, and now I know. You are making excellent progress.

Wow, thank you very much for dropping by and giving the positive reinforcement!! It is very appreciated.  I am sorry it has taken me so long to get around to writing a reply.  July is New Docs month, and I have been getting the very very green interns adjusted.  They have probably had the least clinical training of anyone coming into residency in some time, so they have a very steep learning curve to accomodate.  Blah blah, I am sorry I have taken so long to thank you for writing.

 

On 7/21/2021 at 5:02 PM, Mistr said:

That makes a lot of sense. Playing in public is a different thing than playing for yourself, even if you are not giving a scheduled performance.

Yes.  The piano is actually broken at work!  So I have not even been playing there anyways.  I have been making progress on my own stuff, which makes me happy.

 

On 7/21/2021 at 5:02 PM, Mistr said:

You have been making steady and sustainable changes in your eating that are getting you close to your goal weight. I think that is amazing, considering the work stress you have to deal with. 

This is a very positive view.  Thank you.  The outside reinforcement is incredibly helpful for my poor beleaguered brain.  Another thing I ended up being stuck with is some inadvertent intermittent fasting, because the needs of the new trainees are so great I could not leave the unit.  So that helped with my appetite too.  

I am glad you think so.  It makes me feel better. 

 

On 7/21/2021 at 5:02 PM, Mistr said:

As you said, you are dealing as well as you can with a difficult situation. Let me reframe your question "Do I eat too much chocolate?" as "Do I eat too much of other foods to allow me to eat the chocolate I need to maintain my sanity?".  

 

I'm betting you selected your goal weight based on what you weighed or how you look at some point several years ago. At that time you were probably working 90% instead of 110% and did not have the stress of a pandemic going on. Your body may be keeping a few extra pounds as a reserve in case things get worse. That is a good thing from an evolutionary point of view. You just found that you are in excellent physical health, so maybe just let this goal move to the back burner for a while.

Thank you for this perspective, it actually has helped me a lot over the last couple of days.  Eating the chocolate I need to maintain sanity is a good way of thinking about it and looking at what I need to do for myself.  I need to be able to have hot chocolate with alcohol every night so I can sleep, so making sure I make room for that in my diet is probably important.

 

I did select my goal weight based on that.  You make a very good point, that there is a new level of cosmic stress that is keeping those extra 3-5 pounds on, that I would love to lose but just can't seem to peel off.  It's the cortisol.  that is a good point.  Maybe I should put my scale in the closet for a while, and focus back on fitness and sanity instead of the numbers (which are driving me crazy).  Also, not getting sleep probably isn't helping me in meeting my goals - either from the functional fitness part or the weight loss part.  

 

 

On 7/21/2021 at 5:02 PM, Mistr said:

You are doing well on a lot of your goals and coping with the others. Lots of good things happening, just in a background of chaos.

 

Elf likes Coconut Curls products for their hair. Also several creams. I can get the names if you want to try more different things.

 

Where are you at in the process of medical education and career progression now?

Thank you thank you!  In other news, the human and I split so.  That was a thing.  It was a little hurtful.   Also new interns and new fellows.  Hooooboy the chaos.  

 

Sure!  If it is not a hassel to try things, I would love to know what worked for other people!  As long as it would not trouble Elf.

 

Thank you for asking!! I am applying for fellowships in pulm critical care.  It is...going.  Nervewracking, but going.  😬  It would be another 3 years of training, but I want it very badly.  It is weird, that I want something this badly.  Applications went live a few weeks ago, and I have a couple of interviews already, which is nice.  

 

Thank you for sticking around.  It really does mean a lot to me.

 

 

I haven't updated in a while because work has been quite busy, hopefully will have a moment soon to recoup and recover and figure out what the heck has gone on in the last month and a half.

 

 

[Treva]

 I can't even remember what sort of structure I was using before, because that was almost two months ago?  Something like that.  It's been a long set, between getting through the unit, new interns, and then back on the unit with new interns, which was a learning experience for all involved.  This year's class has a much steeper hill to climb because of how short their clinicals were.  Because covid.  So there's a lot more to teach, and a lot more patience required.

Working out: the gym is back open (yay!) and I just bought myself some new workout masks from underarmour.  #frontlinediscounts.  

I am sticking with simple compound workouts.  S+S plus One Other Thing (pilates, barbell squats, or Arms Circuit) plus 20-30 of cardio.  When the pool opens, I want to go back.  

I also found that getting as much sleep as humanly possible for recovery is really important.  I am getting better at sleeping.  This is a lot easier when I work a normal schedule.  And not 28s.  

 

Academics: Work's ok.  See above.  everyone is burned out.  I finally got some publications through, so now I can focus on a few other projects.  I took on too many, so now I am trying to catch up.  Still taking time to do lectures weekly, and trying to get up early in the mornings to read or learn a new fact.  I fell off the bandwagon with "write down one thing you learned " when I hit the unit.  Lots of things fall off when I hit the unit.  

Applications are in.  Gonna see where things land.  I'm off to a strong start.  

 

Personal: so no lie, I stopped posting for a while because public perception of what is going on is rarely matching what we're seeing in the hospital.  Frankly, if I have to deal with one more anti-vaxxer I'm gonna throw myself out a window.  I've heavily restricted my feed to only my colleagues or food blogs.  I can't tell you how many times I've walked away from science arguments in public because I'm just done trying to change people.  We've said in public health for a long time, you can't fix stupid.   You can get vaccinated and live, or you can not get vaccinated and be really dead or in the unit.  It's pretty simple.

Enough ranting.

 

Also things with the human ended multiple times, in multiple painful ways, and I haven't wanted to tell anyone because the "I told you to break up with him three months ago" doesn't make me feel better.  I stuck with him because he needed someone and he was going to break down if left alone.  Screw me if I decided to be kind.

 

I've picked up practicing again, made overtures to try and find a teacher.  no luck yet.  But at least I'm setting goals, making progress on pieces, getting out in public to play more often.  

 

Whelp, to be totally honest, don't have a whole lot of hope for the future to get better.  Just maybe going to be a different location where everything remains on fire.  But it's ok, I'm not dead, my apartment is clean, I have weekends!!!!!!  A whole month of weekends!!!! God what an amazing thing.  Weekends.  Two whole days off  in a row.  and maybe I made a difference in someone's life in the last 18 months.  But I'll be here, practicing and studying and working out.  Back to the trenches, I guess.  

 

If I'm going to set a goal, its to find things that refuel me.  Not sure what that looks like anymore.  Or if I find it, if I'll have time for it.

[Treva]

I had thought about doing this month's challenge, but I'm a little behind and stuff at the gym won't open up until next week.  So, for now, will do my own mini challenge to see if I can participate in the next one?  That might be fun.  

 

Let's make sure I'm hitting my minimums.  I'm going to evaluate

S&S 4x a week

Weekly 125 minutes of bike cardio

Pilates/yoga once a week

Practicing 150-200 minutes a week

20 minutes of video gaming a week.

 

I can keep track of these in my anti-anxiety journal, which I want to do every night.  I'm hoping to be able to stop everything at 9:30 and just take care of my brain.

 

Here goes!

[Mistr]

On 8/7/2021 at 1:51 PM, Treva said:

Academics: Work's ok.  See above.  everyone is burned out.  I finally got some publications through, so now I can focus on a few other projects.  I took on too many, so now I am trying to catch up.  Still taking time to do lectures weekly, and trying to get up early in the mornings to read or learn a new fact.  I fell off the bandwagon with "write down one thing you learned " when I hit the unit.  Lots of things fall off when I hit the unit.  

Applications are in.  Gonna see where things land.  I'm off to a strong start.  

 

Yay for getting your applications in and getting interviews! I am glad that you found an area of medicine that really interests you. Keeping my fingers crossed that you will get an offer at an institution with good people in a nice area to live.

 

On 8/7/2021 at 1:51 PM, Treva said:

Personal: so no lie, I stopped posting for a while because public perception of what is going on is rarely matching what we're seeing in the hospital.  Frankly, if I have to deal with one more anti-vaxxer I'm gonna throw myself out a window.  I've heavily restricted my feed to only my colleagues or food blogs.  I can't tell you how many times I've walked away from science arguments in public because I'm just done trying to change people.  We've said in public health for a long time, you can't fix stupid.   You can get vaccinated and live, or you can not get vaccinated and be really dead or in the unit.  It's pretty simple.

Enough ranting.

 

I have heard a lot of stupid lately. I'm sure you have heard more. I think restricting your feed is a wise move. I have my instagram set up to mostly show friends pet photos and lots of pretty yarn from indie dyers.

 

On 8/7/2021 at 1:51 PM, Treva said:

Also things with the human ended multiple times, in multiple painful ways, and I haven't wanted to tell anyone because the "I told you to break up with him three months ago" doesn't make me feel better.  I stuck with him because he needed someone and he was going to break down if left alone.  Screw me if I decided to be kind.

 

Deciding how to deal with relationships is always hard. When you care about someone, you want to give them the chance to change their behavior. As things went, you did everything you could and are quite clear that the relationship was not going in a direction you wanted. Three months of extra time to be sure and deal honorably with a person is reasonable. A year would be pushing that limit. Good for you on standing behind your decisions on how you handled this.

 

On 8/7/2021 at 1:51 PM, Treva said:

Whelp, to be totally honest, don't have a whole lot of hope for the future to get better.  Just maybe going to be a different location where everything remains on fire.  But it's ok, I'm not dead, my apartment is clean, I have weekends!!!!!!  A whole month of weekends!!!! God what an amazing thing.  Weekends.  Two whole days off  in a row.  and maybe I made a difference in someone's life in the last 18 months.  But I'll be here, practicing and studying and working out.  Back to the trenches, I guess.  

 

Excellent attitude. I hope things will actually be better by next spring, but that is a long way off. For now, celebrate having weekends. 💐

 

17 hours ago, Treva said:

I had thought about doing this month's challenge, but I'm a little behind and stuff at the gym won't open up until next week.  So, for now, will do my own mini challenge to see if I can participate in the next one?  That might be fun.  

 

Let's make sure I'm hitting my minimums.  I'm going to evaluate

S&S 4x a week

Weekly 125 minutes of bike cardio

Pilates/yoga once a week

Practicing 150-200 minutes a week

20 minutes of video gaming a week.

 

I can keep track of these in my anti-anxiety journal, which I want to do every night.  I'm hoping to be able to stop everything at 9:30 and just take care of my brain.

 

I'm with you on the mini challenge. I just set my alarm for 8:45pm to turn everything off and head to bed. My body is insisting that I need more sleep than my brain wants to admit.

[Treva]

On 8/9/2021 at 1:05 PM, Mistr said:

I'm with you on the mini challenge. I just set my alarm for 8:45pm to turn everything off and head to bed. My body is insisting that I need more sleep than my brain wants to admit.

I don't know about you, but I am presently failing this one pretty badly.  I am still not heading to bed until 11 ish, which is much too late.

 

On 8/9/2021 at 1:05 PM, Mistr said:

Excellent attitude. I hope things will actually be better by next spring, but that is a long way off. For now, celebrate having weekends. 💐

Thanks!  oh boy us too.  I really, really hope things are better by the spring. I would love to be able to have something that resembles normalcy.  

 

On 8/9/2021 at 1:05 PM, Mistr said:

Deciding how to deal with relationships is always hard. When you care about someone, you want to give them the chance to change their behavior. As things went, you did everything you could and are quite clear that the relationship was not going in a direction you wanted. Three months of extra time to be sure and deal honorably with a person is reasonable. A year would be pushing that limit. Good for you on standing behind your decisions on how you handled this.

This is really helpful, and really wise.  I appreciate your understanding very much.  Honorably is the correct way to put it.  The least emotionally expensive.  It really only was 3-4 months of letting it fade, and now I'm much better about holding those limits.  Thank you for supporting me.  I appreciate it a lot.

 

On 8/9/2021 at 1:05 PM, Mistr said:

I have heard a lot of stupid lately. I'm sure you have heard more. I think restricting your feed is a wise move. I have my instagram set up to mostly show friends pet photos and lots of pretty yarn from indie dyers.

oooh I love that!  especially the yarn.  I have found following the country's zoos and national parks have also been therapeutic.  

 

On 8/9/2021 at 1:05 PM, Mistr said:

Yay for getting your applications in and getting interviews! I am glad that you found an area of medicine that really interests you. Keeping my fingers crossed that you will get an offer at an institution with good people in a nice area to live.

Thank!!! Me too!!!! I will keep these things in mind as I interview.  I just hope I get a few more!!

 

 

Ok, taking a look at my goals from this week

S&S 4x a week - MET 4/4

Weekly 125 minutes of bike cardio - MET165 minutes - 105 of bike+60 of walking

Pilates/yoga once a week - MET 1/1

Practicing 150-200 minutes a week - MET >200

20 minutes of video gaming a week. - MET?  I think I did this.  

Bedtime - lols no.

So it was a little bit of a push, but I did all these things.  I also spent a lot of time yesterday journaling out my feelings, and baking for about a week straight.  That's helped me heal from the relationship.   I have baked and written thank you notes and can deliver all of them tomorrow, still go to work, and still have time to get home in time for practicing and research, and self-learning.  I am sure there is something I forgot to do, but I won't remember it now.

I also took time today to work on a new study schedule that I can use at work.  We get a one-hour lecture every day that isn't as useful for me.  I am planning to sit in the back and work on flashcards or medication reviews for a more effective use of my time.   I have a longstanding tradition of only half-paying attention in lectures; might as well stick to it.

 

But the most important thing:  The pool at my gym is back open!!!  I am excited!!  And I ordered some workout masks so I can keep going once or twice a week.  I am really excited.  

 

I am going to keep doing the "minimums" with

S&S 4x a week

125 minutes of cardio

pilates/yoga once a week

Pool!  once a week

Practicing 150-200 minutes a week

20 minutes of video gaming a week

Bedtime at 10?  10 is great.

 

Let's see how I do.  

[Mistr]

On 8/15/2021 at 8:19 PM, Treva said:

I don't know about you, but I am presently failing this one pretty badly.  I am still not heading to bed until 11 ish, which is much too late.

 

I am mostly getting to bed by 10. That is late, but not awful.

 

On 8/15/2021 at 8:19 PM, Treva said:

I also took time today to work on a new study schedule that I can use at work.  We get a one-hour lecture every day that isn't as useful for me.  I am planning to sit in the back and work on flashcards or medication reviews for a more effective use of my time.   I have a longstanding tradition of only half-paying attention in lectures; might as well stick to it.

 

LOL! I used to do that when I had to take intro classes to fill a grad school prereq. I always had the notes for the course open so I could jot things down if the professor said something relevant, but mostly I worked on my other classes.

 

On 8/15/2021 at 8:19 PM, Treva said:

But the most important thing:  The pool at my gym is back open!!!  I am excited!!  And I ordered some workout masks so I can keep going once or twice a week.  I am really excited.  

 

Yay for pool access!

 

Can you wear a mask while swimming? I would have thought that was impractical unless you were snorkeling.

[Treva]

On 8/17/2021 at 8:05 PM, Mistr said:

LOL! I used to do that when I had to take intro classes to fill a grad school prereq. I always had the notes for the course open so I could jot things down if the professor said something relevant, but mostly I worked on my other classes.

 

Haha I love that! glad I'm not the only one!  I like to look up every few minutes and nod- it keeps me awake and makes everyone think I'm paying attention. 

 

On 8/17/2021 at 8:05 PM, Mistr said:

Yay for pool access!

 

Can you wear a mask while swimming? I would have thought that was impractical unless you were snorkeling.

We don't mask while physically swimming, but we do wear masks up until the point we get in or out of the pool.  It's good that no one is into drowning.

 

Checking in on my goals mid ish week?

 

S&S 4x a week: 3/4, 4th planned today

125 minutes of cardio: 80+I think 40 of walking earlier this week. More planned today

pilates/yoga once a week: Done

Pool!  once a week: Done

Practicing 150-200 minutes a week: definitely >150 at this point

20 minutes of video gaming a week: done

Bedtime at 10?  10 is great.: not quite making this, somewhere between 9:30 and 10:30, last night was an outlier because of work.

Bonus actions:

- going to hit the gym for hopefully squats!

- sword work and balancing done on my yoga/pilates day

- gave all my bakes away.  Made many people happy

- finally put in some maintenance requests/got my apartment into a state of Clean

 

So far so good.  It's been really nice to have a little extra time off.  I'm looking forward to getting back to my research and going to interviews. 

[Mistr]

Excellent work this week!

 

I am impressed that you can practice and get exercise in so regularly while you are working. I am working mostly normal (40 hours) right now, with no commute and I'm still struggling to get things done. I'm especially envious of the State of Clean. I've been doing one or two small things a day. That is not enough to keep up with entropy. My house is far from a state of clean.

[Treva]

On 8/20/2021 at 3:29 PM, Mistr said:

Excellent work this week!

 

I am impressed that you can practice and get exercise in so regularly while you are working. I am working mostly normal (40 hours) right now, with no commute and I'm still struggling to get things done. I'm especially envious of the State of Clean. I've been doing one or two small things a day. That is not enough to keep up with entropy. My house is far from a state of clean.

I think it helps this week that I only had to be in the hospital for about 20 hours, and could work from home/was not scheduled to be in for 3 days this week, which was amazing.  I also do not live with other people - I don't envy you having to keep up with the entropy generation of at least 3 humans!  I do not know that I could keep anything in any state of clean, or prioritize my own health as much as I can right now.

 

Also it is crazy to me that I was only in the hospital for 20 hours last week, when I also at times exist in the hospital for 28 hours.  Can't process that fact. 

 

Summary of the last week -

 

S&S 4x a week: 4/4

125 minutes of cardio: 115+80 of walking, so I think it counts.

pilates/yoga once a week: Done

Pool!  once a week: Done

Practicing 150-200 minutes a week: definitely >150 at this point

20 minutes of video gaming a week: done

Bedtime at 10?  10 is great.: NOPE

Bonus actions:

- Squats!  Done!

- sword work and balancing done on my yoga/pilates day

- Went home and kept baking. 

 

I am doing well, except for bedtimes.  Bedtime is not expected to get better, now that I'm transitioned to evening shifts.  This week will be a little more challenging to keep up with the minimums.  Here are my goals for this week

 

S&S 4x/week

125 minutes of cardio (walking time/2=adequate cardio addition)

Pilates/yoga 1x/week

Pool 1x/week

Barbell squats 1x/week

Practicing 150-200 min/week

Video Games 20min/week

Bonus Actions:

1 interview this week

Try to leave work before 11 PM once.

Pick one:
   - Set up lessons

   - set up a dating profile

   - hang out with a work friend

   - order new sheet music

[Mistr]

Maybe instead of a bedtime goal, you change it to a total hours of sleep per week goal?

 

Clearly you can't have an early bedtime when you are working the late shift, but you can still prioritize getting enough rest.

 

Yay for sword work and baking!

[Treva]

On 8/24/2021 at 12:56 PM, Mistr said:

Maybe instead of a bedtime goal, you change it to a total hours of sleep per week goal?

 

Clearly you can't have an early bedtime when you are working the late shift, but you can still prioritize getting enough rest.

 

Yay for sword work and baking!

omg I love this idea.  New goal for this week.  That's a fantastic idea.  Thank you!!

I missed the sword.  And the baking.  This week I went savory, and I'm excited to try a star wars recipe tonight (ronto tacos, but chorizo/pork fun things.  I'm psyched.  So so psyched to be cooking stuff). 

 

S&S 4x/week -4x

125 minutes of cardio (walking time/2=adequate cardio addition) : 100 min+90 min walking=145

Pilates/yoga 1x/week - DONE

Pool 1x/week - DONE

Barbell squats 1x/week - DONE

Practicing 150-200 min/week - definitely done!

Video Games 20min/week - did not do

Bonus Actions:

1 interview this week - Did it!  good start.  Learned what I needed to work on in a safe-ish setting.  Also, I hit my NNM (number needed to match, or the number of interviews needed to be reasonably assured one will match into my desired fellowship).

Try to leave work before 11 PM once. - did it, regretted it.  Will not do that again.  Already told my program how bad the system is and that I cannot do with my colleagues.  I handoff like every body else - safer, even - just one time, and then the patient needs their care escalated in the morning when the attending shows up.  Never, never doing that again. 

Pick one:
   - Set up lessons - emailed today!  God that was scary.

   - set up a dating profile

   - hang out with a work friend - tried but no dice

   - order new sheet music

 

Overall I am pleased with my progress.  It is still challenging to squeeze in the basics when I am home for 3+ days of the week, but it be what it be.  The other issue is that I usually don't do S&S on swim day.  In any case, this coming week I may not meet requirements because of holiday travels.  I ran into an old music mentor today, and I was just glad to be enveloped into the fold like I never left - I was there for five minutes before he was like "can you page turn also choir?" and I'm like YES can all the things.

 

Goals for this week

S&S 4x/week* flexible due to travel for the weekend.

125 minutes of cardio (walking time/2=adequate cardio addition)

Pilates/yoga 1x/week

Pool 1x/week

Barbell squats 1x/week

Practicing 150-200 min/week

Video Games 20min/week

Sleep total: 50 hours/week

Go to Choir

 

Bonus Actions:

3 interviews this week

Pick one:

   - set up a dating profile

   - set up a practice time on the organ next week (mah baybeeee)

   - order new sheet music