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Treva Fights for Herself


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Weekly Wrap Up: 

Internal Change: I have not been meditating on things that make me angry, because I am not angry.  Interesting.

External change: I think I have practiced for an hour at some point this week.  I am practicing about 20-30 minutes a night consistently, which is good.

Homework Goal: I got up to date on India, a little, and am reading about some of the things I can do to help.  It is more active than thoughts and prayers or sending money.  This is cool.

Relaxation Goal: going to play video games tonight with pizza and maybe a smol alcohol.

 

I have been beating up on myself to lose those "last five pounds" for several months now.  I had the opportunity to do an exercise cardiac and pulmonary stress test today, which I did.  It turns out I am in very good shape, with numbers consistent with recreational or regular athlete and am very energy efficient.  My anaerobic threshold is consistent with an athletic male, so as a "non-athletic" female who thinks she still has a few more pounds to lose, this is very cool.  The best part is that my insides are all not ischemic and work like the machine I have been hoping they would.

So

I may not look like much but I guess I've got it where it counts.

 

I never planned on being an elite athlete, but having this reassurance that what I'm doing works, is really, really nice.

 

For next week, I want to look into toxic body positivity.  I want to tackle that.

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

Well, I gave myself a break from no facebook no extra scrolling, and I found that I really don't need to scroll any more than I usually do.  I realized I am angry less because I am looking at facebook less, and there is less of the "woe is me" in my life from people who don't matter.  

 

I haven't found great resources for how to talk to patients about toxic body positivity yet.  i haven't found a lot of resources on toxic body positivity; which is a little frustrating.  

I am not practicing consistently enough.  I really really need to build consistency; my history of discipline is there, I just need to prioritize it.  My bosses are encouraging me to not overwork myself with the extra research projects.  Maybe now is a good time to build some consistency.  

 

Major Changes

I realized tonight that the act of practicing is not necessarily selfish; I do it to be better and to be a better person.  By working on myself, I can be a more positive force for change in the community, and I can bring better music to people.  Just because I enjoy it doesn't make it selfish.    

I am not going to decon after work unless I am on a covid service. 

 

I am going to aim for after work piano practice for 30 minutes, 45-60 minutes of working out, and 45-60 minutes of organ practice.  I will be flexible with the piano practice; if I'm leaving work after 530PM, I'll toss it.  

 

Secrets to making this work: Minimizing Meal Prep.  I can use pre-prepped lunches and easy-prep dinners to keep me from having to spend a lot of time in the kitchen.  

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

Been a few days overdue to posting, but here we are. 

I've substituted my decon time with an extra 30 minutes on the piano at work.  I still hate it when people try to talk to me for more than 5 minutes.  I came to play, not to chat.  A little frustrating.  

 

I revamped my diet again, ish, and overall is more veggies with protein, and legume and veggie based carbs for the most part, very little added sugar.  Buying my celery sticks precut really helps.  Roasting everything in the oven at dinner time means I can get all my meals made/prepared for the next day in 20 minutes, and then I save a bunch of time for self care and practice.

 

I liked the internal/external change model to keep myself motivated initially and overcome some mental blocks.  Now I am moving towards setting tasks for the day, the week, and the month.  

Goals for this week: 

Internal change: don't be anxious when talking to bosses at work

External change: drink more water

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

It feels like a hot minute since I last posted, but honestly probably not.  

I stopped playing piano at work in favor of getting home earlier for more quality organ time.  I got sick of being bothered while trying to play.  

 

The diet revamp has worked out, I think.  I'm down a couple of pounds.  I haven't stopped baking sweets, but keeping lots of healthy snacks with me at work has been a solid good.  I have still been roasting stuff in the oven, which is a game changer.  I've added in small potatoes as my starch instead of bread or pasta, and it keeps me less hungry after dinner.  And weirdest of all, waking up to have breakfast before I rush into work puts me a little more on my game.  I drink my espresso before I go to work so I'm a little more awake.  

 

Still struggling with anxiety.  I think it is because first day in a new place always makes me anxious.  I also have a lot of background stuff going on.  I haven't meditated, and I haven't used my journal in a while.  I've ben getting pretty bad headaches, and I feel like my personal life is s**t right now.  

Workout life is ok, music life is pretty good, work life is stressful, and personal life is crap with a veneer of sanity or something overtop.  I'm keeping it together.  I'm just tired too.  Today was double stressful because I had research meetings, and I'm overdue for a bunch of work documents that I legitimately tried to do today, even though the server kept crashing.

Anyways.  Time to turn on something funny and get back to work

 

Goals for this week/two weeks

- continue to have breakfast before work

- either meditate, journal, or both at night.  no excuses.  I have five minutes, I can meditate

- return all emails within 24 hours, or as they come in and Do Not Stress about the language

- make decisions at work.  Don't hedge, don't fret.  Identify the problem, algorithm to solution, modify based on current factors.  

- hydrate goddammit.

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

So, while I would like to join up on the recent PVP, since I would like to lose 6 pounds in 6 weeks, I am definitely not comfortable posting my weight.  So for now, keepin on doom blogging into the void.  

 

At work: I was able to start handling some more critical care stuff and you know what?  nobody died.  In fact, my workup and diagnostic acumen was spot on.  So I was like, ah yes, I have achieved some level of badassery.  That is pretty damn cool.

I have essentially gotten started on the very long road, which is nice.

 

I am still a little annoyed that I haven't lost as much weight as I want to, but I also respect that I am pre-shark week, and I am 3 pounds down from last month's pre-shark week weight, which is probably a good sign of weight loss.  I'm gonna keep on roastin them veggies, but I think I need to work on my portion control.  

Personal life continues to be sh*t , but you know what, I am ignoring it.  It's not there right now.  Just going to let everything burn.

 

Breakfast and espresso before work, even if I have to get there at 6:30, has also been a game changer.  I am so much more awake and alert and my plans are much better.  I feel much more confident and I interact with attendings in a more positive and constructive way.  

I am cranking through the research still.  It is feeling very overwhelming, so I have been doing a lot of mirrors edge catalyst.  highly recommend.  

 

I am still not meditating.  Goddammit.  

I am also still bad at hydrating at work again.  

I am making decisions!! at work!! that aren't wrong!! god it's amazing!!!

I am returning emails regularly.  Good job self, overcoming communication anxiety.  I still have it, but I am managing it better.  

 

Right now I just want to identify roadblocks to weight loss.  After that, I will identify solutions.  I will also plan to go to the gym sometime in july to reactivate my membership and ask them when they will open the pool again.  I want to swim again.  I know I lose weight when I swim.

 

I recently started taking B12 and vitamin D, and I have felt a huge difference in my mood.  '

 

Goals for this week

- Talk to my attending

- don't order crappy food when on call

- meditate

- hydrate

- identify road blocks to weight loss.

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

Weekly wrap up

 Talk to my attending: did not, because shenanigans.  I may just email tonight because I am so heck tired and I am too chicken to ask in person 

Not ordering crappy food: I ordered chipotle, because I know what those calories are and I can control "portions" a little better.  I counted it out and the salad that I got is around 450 calories, which is right for a dinner on a 28.

  Meditate: started this.  Feeling better.

  Hydrate: also started this.  also feeling better

  Identify road blocks to weight loss: inconsistent schedule leading to inconsistent diet and training.  Stress leading to poor sleep, probably wacky hormones, and not helping myself with weightloss.  I still want to think more about this one too.  Do I eat too much chocolate?  Probably.  Is that my only vice?   I drink zero calorie sodas because I need the caffeine, and I eat a few pieces of chocolate every day.  Sometimes a small dessert, like a lemon custard cup with some warm skim milk.  That's it.

 

So the inability to lose weight is probably coming from my actual lifestyle, which, to be honest, is not going to get better.  Out of morbid curiosity I'm interested to see if a health coach can actually offer anything.  The answer will probably be no.  Something has to give, and other people's health trumps mine right now.

 

 

I reorganized my apartment a little bit this week, which has helped me feel more efficient. 

I baked lemon bars to bring in to the team. 

I'm working on getting  my hair less frizzy, changed out some of my skincare products and am sticking with an adapalene gel that has helped me in the past.  I still feel overwhelmed by a lot of what I need to get done for work and the upcoming application cycle, but I am starting to make progress.

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

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