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Treva Fights for Herself


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Weekly Wrap Up: 

Internal Change: I have not been meditating on things that make me angry, because I am not angry.  Interesting.

External change: I think I have practiced for an hour at some point this week.  I am practicing about 20-30 minutes a night consistently, which is good.

Homework Goal: I got up to date on India, a little, and am reading about some of the things I can do to help.  It is more active than thoughts and prayers or sending money.  This is cool.

Relaxation Goal: going to play video games tonight with pizza and maybe a smol alcohol.

 

I have been beating up on myself to lose those "last five pounds" for several months now.  I had the opportunity to do an exercise cardiac and pulmonary stress test today, which I did.  It turns out I am in very good shape, with numbers consistent with recreational or regular athlete and am very energy efficient.  My anaerobic threshold is consistent with an athletic male, so as a "non-athletic" female who thinks she still has a few more pounds to lose, this is very cool.  The best part is that my insides are all not ischemic and work like the machine I have been hoping they would.

So

I may not look like much but I guess I've got it where it counts.

 

I never planned on being an elite athlete, but having this reassurance that what I'm doing works, is really, really nice.

 

For next week, I want to look into toxic body positivity.  I want to tackle that.

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Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

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Well, I gave myself a break from no facebook no extra scrolling, and I found that I really don't need to scroll any more than I usually do.  I realized I am angry less because I am looking at facebook less, and there is less of the "woe is me" in my life from people who don't matter.  

 

I haven't found great resources for how to talk to patients about toxic body positivity yet.  i haven't found a lot of resources on toxic body positivity; which is a little frustrating.  

I am not practicing consistently enough.  I really really need to build consistency; my history of discipline is there, I just need to prioritize it.  My bosses are encouraging me to not overwork myself with the extra research projects.  Maybe now is a good time to build some consistency.  

 

Major Changes

I realized tonight that the act of practicing is not necessarily selfish; I do it to be better and to be a better person.  By working on myself, I can be a more positive force for change in the community, and I can bring better music to people.  Just because I enjoy it doesn't make it selfish.    

I am not going to decon after work unless I am on a covid service. 

 

I am going to aim for after work piano practice for 30 minutes, 45-60 minutes of working out, and 45-60 minutes of organ practice.  I will be flexible with the piano practice; if I'm leaving work after 530PM, I'll toss it.  

 

Secrets to making this work: Minimizing Meal Prep.  I can use pre-prepped lunches and easy-prep dinners to keep me from having to spend a lot of time in the kitchen.  

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

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Been a few days overdue to posting, but here we are. 

I've substituted my decon time with an extra 30 minutes on the piano at work.  I still hate it when people try to talk to me for more than 5 minutes.  I came to play, not to chat.  A little frustrating.  

 

I revamped my diet again, ish, and overall is more veggies with protein, and legume and veggie based carbs for the most part, very little added sugar.  Buying my celery sticks precut really helps.  Roasting everything in the oven at dinner time means I can get all my meals made/prepared for the next day in 20 minutes, and then I save a bunch of time for self care and practice.

 

I liked the internal/external change model to keep myself motivated initially and overcome some mental blocks.  Now I am moving towards setting tasks for the day, the week, and the month.  

Goals for this week: 

Internal change: don't be anxious when talking to bosses at work

External change: drink more water

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

It feels like a hot minute since I last posted, but honestly probably not.  

I stopped playing piano at work in favor of getting home earlier for more quality organ time.  I got sick of being bothered while trying to play.  

 

The diet revamp has worked out, I think.  I'm down a couple of pounds.  I haven't stopped baking sweets, but keeping lots of healthy snacks with me at work has been a solid good.  I have still been roasting stuff in the oven, which is a game changer.  I've added in small potatoes as my starch instead of bread or pasta, and it keeps me less hungry after dinner.  And weirdest of all, waking up to have breakfast before I rush into work puts me a little more on my game.  I drink my espresso before I go to work so I'm a little more awake.  

 

Still struggling with anxiety.  I think it is because first day in a new place always makes me anxious.  I also have a lot of background stuff going on.  I haven't meditated, and I haven't used my journal in a while.  I've ben getting pretty bad headaches, and I feel like my personal life is s**t right now.  

Workout life is ok, music life is pretty good, work life is stressful, and personal life is crap with a veneer of sanity or something overtop.  I'm keeping it together.  I'm just tired too.  Today was double stressful because I had research meetings, and I'm overdue for a bunch of work documents that I legitimately tried to do today, even though the server kept crashing.

Anyways.  Time to turn on something funny and get back to work

 

Goals for this week/two weeks

- continue to have breakfast before work

- either meditate, journal, or both at night.  no excuses.  I have five minutes, I can meditate

- return all emails within 24 hours, or as they come in and Do Not Stress about the language

- make decisions at work.  Don't hedge, don't fret.  Identify the problem, algorithm to solution, modify based on current factors.  

- hydrate goddammit.

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

So, while I would like to join up on the recent PVP, since I would like to lose 6 pounds in 6 weeks, I am definitely not comfortable posting my weight.  So for now, keepin on doom blogging into the void.  

 

At work: I was able to start handling some more critical care stuff and you know what?  nobody died.  In fact, my workup and diagnostic acumen was spot on.  So I was like, ah yes, I have achieved some level of badassery.  That is pretty damn cool.

I have essentially gotten started on the very long road, which is nice.

 

I am still a little annoyed that I haven't lost as much weight as I want to, but I also respect that I am pre-shark week, and I am 3 pounds down from last month's pre-shark week weight, which is probably a good sign of weight loss.  I'm gonna keep on roastin them veggies, but I think I need to work on my portion control.  

Personal life continues to be sh*t , but you know what, I am ignoring it.  It's not there right now.  Just going to let everything burn.

 

Breakfast and espresso before work, even if I have to get there at 6:30, has also been a game changer.  I am so much more awake and alert and my plans are much better.  I feel much more confident and I interact with attendings in a more positive and constructive way.  

I am cranking through the research still.  It is feeling very overwhelming, so I have been doing a lot of mirrors edge catalyst.  highly recommend.  

 

I am still not meditating.  Goddammit.  

I am also still bad at hydrating at work again.  

I am making decisions!! at work!! that aren't wrong!! god it's amazing!!!

I am returning emails regularly.  Good job self, overcoming communication anxiety.  I still have it, but I am managing it better.  

 

Right now I just want to identify roadblocks to weight loss.  After that, I will identify solutions.  I will also plan to go to the gym sometime in july to reactivate my membership and ask them when they will open the pool again.  I want to swim again.  I know I lose weight when I swim.

 

I recently started taking B12 and vitamin D, and I have felt a huge difference in my mood.  '

 

Goals for this week

- Talk to my attending

- don't order crappy food when on call

- meditate

- hydrate

- identify road blocks to weight loss.

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

Weekly wrap up

 Talk to my attending: did not, because shenanigans.  I may just email tonight because I am so heck tired and I am too chicken to ask in person 

Not ordering crappy food: I ordered chipotle, because I know what those calories are and I can control "portions" a little better.  I counted it out and the salad that I got is around 450 calories, which is right for a dinner on a 28.

  Meditate: started this.  Feeling better.

  Hydrate: also started this.  also feeling better

  Identify road blocks to weight loss: inconsistent schedule leading to inconsistent diet and training.  Stress leading to poor sleep, probably wacky hormones, and not helping myself with weightloss.  I still want to think more about this one too.  Do I eat too much chocolate?  Probably.  Is that my only vice?   I drink zero calorie sodas because I need the caffeine, and I eat a few pieces of chocolate every day.  Sometimes a small dessert, like a lemon custard cup with some warm skim milk.  That's it.

 

So the inability to lose weight is probably coming from my actual lifestyle, which, to be honest, is not going to get better.  Out of morbid curiosity I'm interested to see if a health coach can actually offer anything.  The answer will probably be no.  Something has to give, and other people's health trumps mine right now.

 

 

I reorganized my apartment a little bit this week, which has helped me feel more efficient. 

I baked lemon bars to bring in to the team. 

I'm working on getting  my hair less frizzy, changed out some of my skincare products and am sticking with an adapalene gel that has helped me in the past.  I still feel overwhelmed by a lot of what I need to get done for work and the upcoming application cycle, but I am starting to make progress.

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

Weekly wrap up

New trainees this week.  I think I am still stressed, and I missed one or two things this week.  I am trying to be better.

 

Hydrating: going well.  A new trainee and I are both health nuts, and it has been helping to have someone on the same bandwagon as I am.  

Weight loss: I was thinking today that even though there are a lot of things about my health that I can't control, these are probably the same for a lot of people, and I shouldn't stress out too much over the things I cannot control.  I can control how efficient I am during the day, what time I go to bed, how much water I drink.  I can't control how hungry I feel.  I think that's important for me to recognize.  

Meditation: still bad at this.  Will keep trying to make time for it before bed.  I guess the good news is that I'm usually so tired I pass out the minute I hit the pillow.  

 

I am practicing more; even if it's 15-20 minutes at the end of the day, I'm finding I can get home at 7 or 8 pm and still get in s&s, techniquework, and skincare. 

 

My at home studying has been suffering since february, mostly because I have had to devote extra time to applications and research.  something came up at work that I should have known about but ran out of time to listen to the podcast.  I really want to make time for lectures and learning, but it's hard to carve away that space.  Even an hour.  Maybe I will try to just pick a lecture a week or something to listen to.  

 

The team loved the lemon bars.

 

I bought myself flowers for reasons.  the human and I need to have a talk.  I am not as upset about this as I used to be.

 

Goals for this week

- Listen to 1 lecture and take notes

- Finish metronome work on the bach trio

- finish my research stupid

- start my research talk

- make postcall cinnamon rolls

- keep working out in whatever way I am able to each day

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Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

Early?  Weekly wrapup.  I have the time today, so I am using it.

 

Goals follow up

- Listen to 1 lecture and take notes: I listened to three!

- Finish metronome work on the bach trio- still time, almost there

-Finish my research stupid just needs final review and then done

- start research talk - still to do

-Make postcall cinnamon rolls - doing today for tomorrow yumminess.

- keep working out in whatever way I am able to - I am sure getting my steps in at work. 

Hydrating: I switched units again.  I need to get myself hydrating again.

Weight loss: I am just less hungry these days, which is probably a good thing.  Overall I am eating less for some reason, but drinking a lot more water.  We will see if that makes a difference.

Fruits and vegetables: 5+

Bread carbs - 2

Proteins - 4-5

High sugar foods - 2

I think this is an ok balance.  That is usually what I need for weight loss.  The only thing I can cut at this point is dessert.

Meditation: goddammit.  I fall into bed so tired most of the time I don't even get around to it.  I need to link it with exercise again.

 

I still need to practice more this week, start my research talk, and make cinnamon rolls for myself.  I can almost certainly get all that done today. 

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

Link to post

Random encouragement: Lookin' good! Keep at it! Dieting is always difficult... Especially when you are trying out new recipes. Haha In my experience I've lost nearly 30lbs just counting calories and generally ignoring macros. So as long as you're not going over your daily calorie intake you should be good. (Though I have changed that strategy here lately just to see how it goes.)

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I'm training to be (like) Batman physically, mentally, and financially.

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On 7/2/2021 at 10:48 AM, Roamer said:

Random encouragement: Lookin' good! Keep at it! Dieting is always difficult... Especially when you are trying out new recipes. Haha In my experience I've lost nearly 30lbs just counting calories and generally ignoring macros. So as long as you're not going over your daily calorie intake you should be good. (Though I have changed that strategy here lately just to see how it goes.)

Thank you for chiming in!!  I appreciate you visiting, and congratulations on your weight loss!   What strategies have you tried, and what are you using right now?

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

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On 7/4/2021 at 10:46 AM, Treva said:

Thank you for chiming in!!  I appreciate you visiting, and congratulations on your weight loss!   What strategies have you tried, and what are you using right now?

 

Thank you! I'm happy to offer encouragement! Like I said before all I really did was just monitor my calorie intake based on my TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure). There are many free online calculators to figure yours out and it only takes a few seconds to do. But, if you want to go beyond that you could keep track of your macros: carbs, proteins and fats - which is what I'm currently doing. I'm looking to reshape my physique though so my weight is no longer a relevant factor to me. My goal was originally to do a 40/40/20 split but... I have been having trouble pulling it off. (That's 40% carbs, 40% protein and 20% fat) My normal range is closer to 40/30/30 or sometimes even 50/20/30. But I recently started taking protein supplements and cutting back on carbs so maybe I can get it more to where I want. 

 

I've heard carbs are bad and that you should use fats instead... But I don't know personally about any of that. I'm going to finish a month of my current plan before I go making any more drastic changes.

 

And again, these are more "fine tune" strats. You might be just as well only measuring your calorie intake if weight loss is your only goal.

I'm training to be (like) Batman physically, mentally, and financially.

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11 hours ago, Roamer said:

 

Thank you! I'm happy to offer encouragement! Like I said before all I really did was just monitor my calorie intake based on my TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure). There are many free online calculators to figure yours out and it only takes a few seconds to do. But, if you want to go beyond that you could keep track of your macros: carbs, proteins and fats - which is what I'm currently doing. I'm looking to reshape my physique though so my weight is no longer a relevant factor to me. My goal was originally to do a 40/40/20 split but... I have been having trouble pulling it off. (That's 40% carbs, 40% protein and 20% fat) My normal range is closer to 40/30/30 or sometimes even 50/20/30. But I recently started taking protein supplements and cutting back on carbs so maybe I can get it more to where I want. 

 

I've heard carbs are bad and that you should use fats instead... But I don't know personally about any of that. I'm going to finish a month of my current plan before I go making any more drastic changes.

 

And again, these are more "fine tune" strats. You might be just as well only measuring your calorie intake if weight loss is your only goal.

 

Hey, thanks for chiming in.  I'm really glad you've found a macro range that works for you, and for what it's worth, labeling a macronutrient as "bad" doesn't seem to have panned out well in the science.  I hope you get towards the physique you want with your cuts and workout plan! 

 

I've been calorie counting for >10 yrs, using variants on TDEEs, playing with macros for probably the last 3+years, and combining a few of the most recently studied diets. I usually don't end up posting them here.  My biggest barrier to weight loss is that most TDEE calculators and macros don't account for my day-to-day activity accurately. 

Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

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On 7/7/2021 at 9:21 AM, Treva said:

 

Hey, thanks for chiming in.  I'm really glad you've found a macro range that works for you, and for what it's worth, labeling a macronutrient as "bad" doesn't seem to have panned out well in the science.  I hope you get towards the physique you want with your cuts and workout plan! 

 

I've been calorie counting for >10 yrs, using variants on TDEEs, playing with macros for probably the last 3+years, and combining a few of the most recently studied diets. I usually don't end up posting them here.  My biggest barrier to weight loss is that most TDEE calculators and macros don't account for my day-to-day activity accurately. 

 

Yes, I have noticed that is an issue with TDEE calculators. The definitions for how much physical activity you do are very vague. You exercise 1-3 times a week? What exactly does that mean? I guess it's just meant to be a guideline of sorts. Either, way it is better than not tracking anything - that much I can at least give it. lol

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I'm training to be (like) Batman physically, mentally, and financially.

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Found you!

 

Not that you were hiding, just that the new notification system doesn't show me when my friends post anymore. I was wondering how you were doing, and now I know. You are making excellent progress.

 

On 5/7/2021 at 5:32 PM, Treva said:

Weekly Wrap Up: 

Internal Change: I have not been meditating on things that make me angry, because I am not angry.  Interesting.

External change: I think I have practiced for an hour at some point this week.  I am practicing about 20-30 minutes a night consistently, which is good.

Homework Goal: I got up to date on India, a little, and am reading about some of the things I can do to help.  It is more active than thoughts and prayers or sending money.  This is cool.

Relaxation Goal: going to play video games tonight with pizza and maybe a smol alcohol.

 

I have been beating up on myself to lose those "last five pounds" for several months now.  I had the opportunity to do an exercise cardiac and pulmonary stress test today, which I did.  It turns out I am in very good shape, with numbers consistent with recreational or regular athlete and am very energy efficient.  My anaerobic threshold is consistent with an athletic male, so as a "non-athletic" female who thinks she still has a few more pounds to lose, this is very cool.  The best part is that my insides are all not ischemic and work like the machine I have been hoping they would.

So

I may not look like much but I guess I've got it where it counts.

 

I never planned on being an elite athlete, but having this reassurance that what I'm doing works, is really, really nice.

 

For next week, I want to look into toxic body positivity.  I want to tackle that.

 

On 6/3/2021 at 4:53 PM, Treva said:

I stopped playing piano at work in favor of getting home earlier for more quality organ time.  I got sick of being bothered while trying to play.  

 

That makes a lot of sense. Playing in public is a different thing than playing for yourself, even if you are not giving a scheduled performance.

 

On 6/3/2021 at 4:53 PM, Treva said:

The diet revamp has worked out, I think.  I'm down a couple of pounds.  I haven't stopped baking sweets, but keeping lots of healthy snacks with me at work has been a solid good.  I have still been roasting stuff in the oven, which is a game changer.  I've added in small potatoes as my starch instead of bread or pasta, and it keeps me less hungry after dinner.  And weirdest of all, waking up to have breakfast before I rush into work puts me a little more on my game.  I drink my espresso before I go to work so I'm a little more awake.  

On 6/22/2021 at 3:28 PM, Treva said:

Weekly wrap up

 Talk to my attending: did not, because shenanigans.  I may just email tonight because I am so heck tired and I am too chicken to ask in person 

Not ordering crappy food: I ordered chipotle, because I know what those calories are and I can control "portions" a little better.  I counted it out and the salad that I got is around 450 calories, which is right for a dinner on a 28.

  Meditate: started this.  Feeling better.

  Hydrate: also started this.  also feeling better

 

You have been making steady and sustainable changes in your eating that are getting you close to your goal weight. I think that is amazing, considering the work stress you have to deal with. 

 

On 6/22/2021 at 3:28 PM, Treva said:

  Identify road blocks to weight loss: inconsistent schedule leading to inconsistent diet and training.  Stress leading to poor sleep, probably wacky hormones, and not helping myself with weightloss.  I still want to think more about this one too.  Do I eat too much chocolate?  Probably.  Is that my only vice?   I drink zero calorie sodas because I need the caffeine, and I eat a few pieces of chocolate every day.  Sometimes a small dessert, like a lemon custard cup with some warm skim milk.  That's it.

 

So the inability to lose weight is probably coming from my actual lifestyle, which, to be honest, is not going to get better.  Out of morbid curiosity I'm interested to see if a health coach can actually offer anything.  The answer will probably be no.  Something has to give, and other people's health trumps mine right now.

 

As you said, you are dealing as well as you can with a difficult situation. Let me reframe your question "Do I eat too much chocolate?" as "Do I eat too much of other foods to allow me to eat the chocolate I need to maintain my sanity?".  

 

I'm betting you selected your goal weight based on what you weighed or how you look at some point several years ago. At that time you were probably working 90% instead of 110% and did not have the stress of a pandemic going on. Your body may be keeping a few extra pounds as a reserve in case things get worse. That is a good thing from an evolutionary point of view. You just found that you are in excellent physical health, so maybe just let this goal move to the back burner for a while.

 

On 6/3/2021 at 4:53 PM, Treva said:

Still struggling with anxiety.  I think it is because first day in a new place always makes me anxious.  I also have a lot of background stuff going on.  I haven't meditated, and I haven't used my journal in a while.  I've ben getting pretty bad headaches, and I feel like my personal life is s**t right now.  

Workout life is ok, music life is pretty good, work life is stressful, and personal life is crap with a veneer of sanity or something overtop.  I'm keeping it together. 

 

Goals for this week/two weeks

- continue to have breakfast before work

- either meditate, journal, or both at night.  no excuses.  I have five minutes, I can meditate

- return all emails within 24 hours, or as they come in and Do Not Stress about the language

- make decisions at work.  Don't hedge, don't fret.  Identify the problem, algorithm to solution, modify based on current factors.  

- hydrate goddammit.

On 6/22/2021 at 3:28 PM, Treva said:

I reorganized my apartment a little bit this week, which has helped me feel more efficient. 

I baked lemon bars to bring in to the team. 

I'm working on getting  my hair less frizzy, changed out some of my skincare products and am sticking with an adapalene gel that has helped me in the past.  I still feel overwhelmed by a lot of what I need to get done for work and the upcoming application cycle, but I am starting to make progress.

 

You are doing well on a lot of your goals and coping with the others. Lots of good things happening, just in a background of chaos. :D

 

Elf likes Coconut Curls products for their hair. Also several creams. I can get the names if you want to try more different things.

 

Where are you at in the process of medical education and career progression now?

Level 56  Viking paladin

My current challenge    Battle log 

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