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Morag's unexpected journey.


Morag

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Hello friends... my name is Katrin [cut-reen]. I go by Morag around here, and Katrin Morag almost everywhere else. I have been around  these forums since April 2016 (2015?). Last challenge was the first challenge in all that time that I missed entirely.

 

I am a 35 year old mother of two lovely boys, ages 8 and 15. We live in Kiel, Northern Germany. I weigh in at 97kg, which is a problem, but it's currently so far down the list of priorities, that I don't even have time to worry about it.

My husband of 16 years is in the process of moving out. Actually he is almost entirely moved out, but the books and boardgames we collected over the decade-and-a-half of marriage, which turns out neither of us wants to keep, are a forest in my entryhall/diningroom.

 

I am still in therapy. This break week is the last week of school before 6 weeks of summerbreak.

 

I have a PILE of paperwork to do to get all the running costs to be send to my name and run through my bank account. And just a "minor aside" I need to find a job, so that I can indeed continue to rent our apartment, our home.

 

I started sorting out my bedroom and library first, cant pour from an empty pitcher, and it is almost done.

I have a tendency to make a floordrobe. I can't get myself to put worn-but-still-fine clothes back into the wardrobe. To keep that in check I have plans to build a kind of coat rack / silent butler in my bedroom. The space is there, I just need wood.

 

I moved some furniture around, now I am finally sleeping under the windows again and the former space where the bed had been is a library reading corner. Which BabyBoy and I have been using quite a lot already.

 

Next: livingroom. Still to be unearthed from all the clutter, need to decide if I keep the coffee table or get the other one out of the hall closet. Besides being able to walk through the room again would be nice. I dream of vacuuming.

 

Second week of summer break, Wed 10th through Sun 14th, the kids and I will be out for a much needed camping break. Hubby and I never went camping with the kids. It's not so expensive. And the kids and I deserve a treat after all this bullshit.

 

Hubby and I are in a weird place. He doesn't want to break up with me, but he doesn't want to continue living here either. I thought I knew what I wanted. I am not entirely sure any more, beyond "the apartment sorted" and "all this chaos out of my living area".

 

The kids are stressed, confused. Yesterday hubby was here most of the day, putting things on ebay and taking boxes/bags to his place. Afterward the elder kid asked me, why Papa doesn't sleep here any more (because he's moved out). And BabyBoy has been sleeping in my bed for an entire week now.

 

They suffer, but it will be better once the living arrangements don't resemble a garbage pile any more.

 

I have plans for living room and entryhall/dining room. Both need a few things which I can't budget for yet, might not even be able to this challenge, but the kids are very brave and we will be okay.

I am FLYing, have been for a while. My energy levels are iffy during shark week, but that's almost over now, and I am starting to get back into things. BabyBoy made a list for himself too, things he wants to do every day, tick off... it's cool.

 

I gotta get the three of us moving. I have a lot on my list for the week, and I WILL make a dent in it today, so that I get a good solid start.

 

Life is different than Hubby and I had planned, different than I had worked towards for the last 16 years. But maybe I get less compromises and more what I myself want afterall now... time to see what is possible.

  • Like 7

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

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Thanks Salinger,

Yes it is tough, and when I stop and sit down and look around see almost exclusively things neither of us wants, things that make both of us unhappy, I am really sad. And angry and sad some more.

But I am also not going to take this hit and roll over. I have no other adult to blame, that I do not live in a place that I LOVE. My appartment, our (=mine and the kids') appartment is a lovely sunflooded corner place with 3m high ceilings, oak (I believe) floors and beautiful trees outside half the windows. It's gorgeous! And I love it. What I do not love is the clutter of a decade and a half, that I wasn't even a fan of while we accumulated it.

So I am numbing the feels for a while, getting shit done while I have the strength, and in private, I let the feelz be feelz.
I made myself a lovely corner for reading, and sharing stories with the boys. I have morning light wake me up. We're getting there.

I have three (?) more shelves to sort out in the library before I am done with that room... or at least, as done as I am going to get for now.

My next step is: remove all my papers and important stuff from the last accessible corner of the dining table, remove all the shit that is not mine from the livingroom, and declutter in there, make it a nice, calming room to come home to.
Side project: call all the places and change things to my name, and bank account, and side side project: think about writing applications to find a job.

Eventually I will be able to go around the apparment with my hotglue gun and put hotglue to things (so the soap dish doesn't do that weird thing any more, add a tiny threshold to two of the bookshelves so I can display some books (cover side not spine side) without them falling out, hang some of my drawings and stuff, though the later probably less with hotglue more with picture frames, but I was thinking about a trip to the hardware store for some camping stuff (diy fridge, diy candle oven, poster-wallpaper (bark- or cliff-structured) to spruce up the open sides of my bookshelves? I'll show you sometime...).

It's time to take a "before" picture of this mess and get to work.

Thanks for popping in, Salinger, I do appreciate the camaraderie here in these forums.

send from my new phone, bear with me.

  • Like 7

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

Link to post

Damn. It is a hard process to go through all of that.

Hugs from down under. Catch up here as you can.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk

  • Like 3

Where to find me: Current Challenge : Battle Log Facebook : Instagram :

"Each day, just focus on getting 1% better in whatever it is you're trying to improve. That's it. Just 1%." ArtofManliness Article.

"That which is wise and holy helps the health and wholeness of the chain of generations." D. R. Miller. 

"We do not rise to our expectations. We fall to our level of training." Archilochus

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You always have all off us here to vent to. Either in your challenge thread, or privately as needed. We love you and will support you as you get your life back together.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk

  • Like 3

Where to find me: Current Challenge : Battle Log Facebook : Instagram :

"Each day, just focus on getting 1% better in whatever it is you're trying to improve. That's it. Just 1%." ArtofManliness Article.

"That which is wise and holy helps the health and wholeness of the chain of generations." D. R. Miller. 

"We do not rise to our expectations. We fall to our level of training." Archilochus

Link to post

Hey Morag. 

 

It's really sad to read what are you and your boys going through, but as Salinger noticed - you are strong, determined and I belive you'll definitely endure this and come up as a winner. 

3 hours ago, Morag said:

But maybe I get less compromises and more what I myself want

Compromises are base of any relationship, but they need to work BOTH ways. Sometimes it's your way, sometimes your partner's, and sometime you meet somewhere in the middle. But everybody needs to get something. 

It won't be "all by myself", because of boys, but remember not to sacrifice yourself in sake of others.

 

Waving to you from southern Poland :encouragement:

  • Like 4

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges: Current#15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

Bike build

Left hand Out-of-Order till x-mas until further notice. But I'm happily splint-free already and working on getting the mobility back.

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Welcome back.  :-)

 

I'm sorry for the upheaval; that's never fun.  But it sounds like you're doing some really important house clearing, and having gone through that myself, I know you'll feel better once your home space is in order.  I'll echo what's been said; this is a great place to vent feels and we're always here to listen.  Stay strong.  You've got this.

  • Like 3

  Level 44 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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Oh my dear friend!  You have been moving in this direction for a while and now that "it" has finally happened I hear a strength in what you wrote above.  Remember that you are strong, capable and oh so amazing!  Those boys are so blessed to have you as momma!  

 

Like @Thom Stépan  said above if you ever need to talk please reach out to us.  You know how to find me on FB too!  

 

Decluttering and re-finding/remaking your home into the space you love is amazing therapy. I hope it brings you peace and happiness!  Sending you strength, empathy, and all the positive vibes that I can muster!!!  Take care of you in all this mess.  

 

I like the analogy of a wave crashing.  It has so much power/turbulence, and can be very destructive. Yet in the end the water will recede and who knows what beauty it leaves behind on the beach and in the tide pools.  Your connection with nature makes me think this might help...  Hugs to you!!! 

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  • Like 4

Ranger-Monk Hybrid

I am a strong little powerhouse 

Current Challenge: Recovery

Battle/Quest Log and Instagram: TerraOracle

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Just a quick before bed update.
I did amazingly well today. I hit all the things on the routine lists, and even got four of the six things on the home blessing list (which is new to me again) done, or helped do.

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I did one timer of decluttering in the living room, one timer of writing out and updating my routines, and one timer of sitting and not being productive at all.

It took me a while to get going, and I wasn't even in the vicinity of "fast", guess slow and steady does win the race. Or in my case the pretty home.

But today is mixed.
One very dear dear friend of mine gave birth this morning in the wee hours. Everyone is healthy and I am so very glad that they are.
Yay New Human! Woot!

My offspring are each in their own bed after a long and productive day of school and household, minecraft and stuff. In case of the little one it'll be his first night alone in his bed since his dad stopped sleeping here.

For me too.

I'm sad. Glad too, all the bullshit, sacrificing and enduring and shit escalating, that's done, over. I am sad. If "I wish..."s were stars, the night sky were lit like daylight. Tonight I sleep in a huge bed, my huge bed. Alone for the first time.

Note to self: formulate s.m.a.r.t gos for this challenge... sth beyond "do the things".

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts. You guys are wonderful, and I am so amazingly blessed I found you!!

send from my new phone, bear with me.

  • Like 6

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

Link to post

Well done. Even the sitting down and doing nothing is good work.

Rest well my friend.

Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk

  • Like 2

Where to find me: Current Challenge : Battle Log Facebook : Instagram :

"Each day, just focus on getting 1% better in whatever it is you're trying to improve. That's it. Just 1%." ArtofManliness Article.

"That which is wise and holy helps the health and wholeness of the chain of generations." D. R. Miller. 

"We do not rise to our expectations. We fall to our level of training." Archilochus

Link to post

Today was rough.
Slept alone last night for the first time. Badly. Was very slow to get moving at all.
After the kids were off to school, I put new sheets on my bed as per the promise to myself from the day before. Realized that one set of pillow and blanket looks damned weird on such a huge bed. Was sad about not knowing what things would cost this way and that way and all the thoughts. Sat down and browsed ikea website to put a pricetag to my ideas, turns out, it's not so huge a deal afterall. Especially if I don't buy EVERYTHING in one haul. And even in one haul it would be 200-250€, entirely doable, with an income and a budget... once I am saving money for things. All of which is not yet the case, but still.

Stressing about appointments tomorrow and not having written any more applications since the one I handed in at the internship place, which didn't lead to anything.

Accompanied my mother to a specialist for ... arteries and operating in there and all that, sorry too tired to google this on my phone right now amd give you the propper translation in german it's "Gefäßchirurg". My mum being a type 1 diabetic since age 9, smoking since age 14, and with cholesterol needing medication. He is NOT happy with the tests he made. So that's stressing me out... and no, that's about 1/3 - 1/2 of ir all.

Went for a quick walk with@Casbin because he is awesome (you are!!) and I even finished what was left of my evening routine too. And Casbin could read one of my favourite treasures in my new reading corner... and he learned the lure of said corner: the chair is sooooo compfy!

Little one is in my bed, cuddling close but finally blissfully asleep. The elder kid is in his own bed. I am enjoying crisp fresh sheets, it is not yet getting cooler.... or it is, but the kid's bodyheat is slowcooking me... either way: sleep is calling.

Speak tomorrow.



PS I keep looking at the ocean wave,@Terra , thank you!

send from my new phone, bear with me.

  • Like 6

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

Link to post

Today was supposed to be pretty stressful and awful.

Instead I got my intentions set, pushed my sleeves up, got shit done, went out to meet the appointments and difficult conversations, got message that both appointments were cancelled from their ends, one due to IT difficulties and one due to my life changing completely from where and when the appointment was made to now, and they not being responsible for me anymore... so... yeah... I went to the bank, got some cash, will check for things the kid asked me to check for at the drugstore, then I'll head home, get some more decluttering and budgeteering done and will go and enjoy my day?

I'm still between giggles and confusion, but happier than the last day and a half.

Yay life and curveballs.

send from my new phone, bear with me.

  • Like 8

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

Link to post
2 hours ago, Morag said:

got shit done [...] and will go and enjoy my day

You GO girl! Show this reality who's the boss!

 

Cheers :) 

  • Like 1

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges: Current#15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

Bike build

Left hand Out-of-Order till x-mas until further notice. But I'm happily splint-free already and working on getting the mobility back.

Link to post

Early evening update.

It's been crazy hot here these last few days. And dry. It's nice summerly, don't get me wrong, it's nice and all, but I'd love to open a window and it actually gets cooler... but no...

Still quietly hoping for a thunderstorm or at least some nightly rain...

I was out and about unsuccessfully as I told you. The two appointments I was kind of stressing about evaporated. I finished my morning routine before heading out, made up a new budget for the new life situation... some huge chunks are still guesswork, since state support (financial aid?) has not come through yet, but that's all good. We'll prevail.

I had to call my mum, because hubby had something come up so he can't take the kids to their appointments, and in this weather, and Kiel Week still going strong, I am not taking the bus. Nope. So talked to mum, got some advice, vented some, talked about sleep and things that bugged me yesterday, and her heath and her plans and general mother daughter chatting.

 

Then my mobile phone rings, our city's area code, but I don't know the number.

Brushing my mum off, I answer. I have an interview Monday for a job that I REALLY would like to do. For a home that I can really see myself working for for quite a while.

 

Called mum back. Talked some more. Made Ikea plans with her for next week.

 

So yeah. I am struggling to keep hydrated, guagh! But apart from that, life is throwing me one weird ball after the other. At least it's not lemons this time around. But even if it were, ice-cool lemonade sounds good right about now.

 

I have a PILE of shit to do still, but there is light in that tunnel and it is not coming from behind me.

 

 

PS I started playing Wizards Unite, anyone else playing?

 

 

send from my new phone, bear with me.

 

 

 

 

  • Like 6

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

Link to post
4 hours ago, Morag said:

Wizards Unite

 

Oh, yes.  Several people have posted their friend numbers on the Ranger Facebook group.  Mine is 9972 8934 0829 .  :-)

 

Good luck with the potential job!

  • Like 2

  Level 44 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

Link to post
 
Oh, yes.  Several people have posted their friend numbers on the Ranger Facebook group.  Mine is 9972 8934 0829 .  :-)
 
Good luck with the potential job!
Friend invite sent. Mine is 9646 4280 8495 and thanks Cheetah, fingers crossed.

send from my new phone, bear with me.

  • Like 1

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

Link to post
23 hours ago, Morag said:

have an interview Monday for a job that I REALLY would like to do. For a home that I can really see myself working for for quite a while.

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Happy Dancing!!!  Wahoo!!!

 

23 hours ago, Morag said:

PS I started playing Wizards Unite, anyone else playing?

Got your friend invite.  

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  • Like 2

Ranger-Monk Hybrid

I am a strong little powerhouse 

Current Challenge: Recovery

Battle/Quest Log and Instagram: TerraOracle

Link to post

Sorry for the delay.

Was out and about and was ambushed by the little one when I got home. Went straight to bed and slept like a log.

Spending the day with hubby was heart twisting and exhausting. Cuddly too, but mostly exhausting.

 

Bought some clear nail polish, and florist's wire, and collected some twigs... AND the kid has crafty ideas of his own and was very excited to make a date with me for today after school for some Arts and Crafts. I have to get into the hallway walk-in (there's stuff in front of it) and get the fishing line from way in the back... yes, you all will get to see what I come up with when I come up with it. Hope the printer cooperates.

 

Apart from my weird yet fun plans I am a bit on the snotty side, enjoyed yesterday's cooler weather, without jacket, no regrets, and I am not sick, yet. Yes, I will wear a jacket today. Excited to catch up with a dear friend from Berlin who while here will come by for a chat. Wixards unite is FUN. Backpack space is severely limited and thus annoying. But I am not yet spending money on it, when I don't even know how long I'll play, and how the situation with my phone contract and all that will be sorted out.

 

So far from my day to day. I love the rotating evening meal duties. Mondays are decided on the spot and together, but Tue through Sunday the kids and I take turns making sandwiches or cooking. Yes, the LittleOne needs help, but I enjoy not being sole provider of things they may or may not enjoy eating at the flip of a coin.

Tue&Fri is my turn, Wed&Sat is LittleBoy's and Thu&Sun my eldest gets to enjoy the fun of "what do you want to eat?"-"I dunno."-conversations.

 

LittleBoy has now slept in my bed every other day. Night before last, he was in his bed, and it was easier for me than the first. And last night I was happy for the cuddly company. I guess we will continue to play it by ear.

 

Food is still not veggie-heavy enough, but I am slowly getting the freezer emptied out (needs a defrost) and I am buying less garbage food, and eating when hungry, and not when not. I even got to a place where I stopped eating once or twice BEFORE I was stuffed. Yes, it's baby steps, but they count and they are in the right direction.

Want to try sorrel soup (Rumex acetosa, Sauerampfer) which I have growing on my balcony and have loved since I was a child. There's this recipe in one of my herb/gardening books I stumbled upon while sorting my books into categories... but I haven't had the headspace yet to try it. Maybe mentioning it here will help.

 

I had a nice walk and talk with[mention=49606]casbin[/mention] again. Then I went through the park behind his house and took the scenic walk home. Even got into a fortress. Lvl 1 and 2 of the fortress of "1" runestones of animals (which I as a Magizoologist am strong against) where entirely doable (alone). Sadly my battery did die, but such is life pre power bank shopping.

 

The ElderKid still can't install, his phone is not compatible apparently. This is bumming me WAY out.

 

Ok, I gotta get up and get these offsprings of mine moving. It's last day of school before summer break. Report cards and hauling shit home...

 

Plus lot's to do for me too.

 

Pretty plant I have not yet classified:

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Some Hypericum perforatum with Lavandula angustifolia:

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A Tilia in flower:

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And some sunny wider angles around the one fortress that killed what was left of my battery:

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Love you guys!!

Speak more soon.

 

send from my new phone, bear with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 5

Katrin the Morag Lvl 22 Cadet, half klingon, c-licensed trainer, mother of two, gaming nerd

 

Current Challenge

 

Road map to Level 50

Link to post

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