• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

Snarkyfishguts

Snarky is habit forming

Recommended Posts

I cooked a new chicken recipe last night. It was a creamy parmesan garlic sauce with sun dried tomatoes and spinach. It called for two cups of heavy cream, and I used half and half. So the sauce took a really long time to thicken up, but it was worth it. I’d like to try it again and make a healthier version of it.  I’d also like to try it again and add bacon :D

 

Venting about parental units

Spoiler

My folks are driving me a little crazy these days. They’re too busy, and it brings out a side of them that is just difficult. Dad gets clingy and has outbursts of frustration, and Mom gets really overwhelmed and starts accusing me of doing nothing while she does everything. Which isn't true. And I’m there to remind them of the reality of the situation and everything that they’ve done in the last week, (and to my mother, what I’ve done) because they really forget. And then they’re like “oh, that’s why we feel crappy”  it’s like they are so focused on their present feelings they aren't aware of anything else. And it wears me out. I’ve been put in the parenting role since I was a kid to comfort and reassure them in these moments because their parents were so shitty. As an adult, I am aware that there are scars from childhood that never heal, so I have more patience with my folks, but I’m also still very, very, tired. They are great people and super supportive and amazing, and I love them. I also need my own space and My own life separate from them. I need to move out and I need a steady income and I need to work to get the income to move out into my own space.

 

I also needed to vent and acknowledge how much this impacts my days. I’m gonna go workout now. Thanks for listening!

 

 Today I plan to workout, work, and maybe go shopping this evening. I’d like to buy some shorts to replace the ones I got paint on, and I need to return some things that I ordered the wrong size in. Oops!  I also want to take some time today to just gather my thoughts and plan for the next few days. I can feel events pulling my life out of my hands, so I just need to stop for a moment, get my footing and a grip and then move forward a bit :) 

 

 

 

 

Here is a picture of my chicken dinner from last night!

 

img_1371.jpg

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

And it wears me out. I’ve been put in the parenting role since I was a kid to comfort and reassure them in these moments because their parents were so shitty.

It sounds like it would be.  It puts unnecessary strain in you having to 'raise' them at the same time.

 

Also that chicken looks awesome.

 

On 7/8/2019 at 6:38 PM, Snarkyfishguts said:

I liked the Halle Berry Catwoman movie. It was so bad, but it was so much FUN.

  Well then:

     

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Teros said:

It sounds like it would be.  It puts unnecessary strain in you having to 'raise' them at the same time.

 

Also that chicken looks awesome.

 

 

  Well then:

     

 

It turns out I'm not alone. There's like a bunch of people on Twitter who feel the same way about their parents. It was super healing and just like "I FEEL HEARD"

 

I think the hard part is, they're really great. And I love them, and I am really grateful. They do so much for me. But it IS hard to be the person who has to reassure them that they're not completely screwing up as parents and as people when I'm their kid. :/  ………………………………On one hand, it feels really good to just say I'm frustrated with this, and I need to make a plan to move forward, but on the other hand, I feel completely shitty and ungrateful and horrible for talking about it. 

I'm going to go clean something. Maybe get out of the house a bit. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two hours later. 

 

I am cleaning and doing laundry and I ordered some stuff we need for the house. Cleaning feels good. Cleaning is putting the world back to order and restoring civilization as we know it. :) 

 

I know its still a problem, and I know I need some help. But I do feel less like crying over a pizza right now, and being able to vent really did help me step back enough to realize I can take charge of things and I still get to have a life. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

 

It turns out I'm not alone. There's like a bunch of people on Twitter who feel the same way about their parents. It was super healing and just like "I FEEL HEARD"

 

I think the hard part is, they're really great. And I love them, and I am really grateful. They do so much for me. But it IS hard to be the person who has to reassure them that they're not completely screwing up as parents and as people when I'm their kid. :/  ………………………………On one hand, it feels really good to just say I'm frustrated with this, and I need to make a plan to move forward, but on the other hand, I feel completely shitty and ungrateful and horrible for talking about it. 

I'm going to go clean something. Maybe get out of the house a bit. 

 

I know you aren’t alone. And it is frustrating and draining to have to be an adult for someone who is supposed to be more of an adult/supporter/guide.  You do a lot. 

 

Seconded on the chicken. It looks delicious. 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

 

I know you aren’t alone. And it is frustrating and draining to have to be an adult for someone who is supposed to be more of an adult/supporter/guide.  You do a lot. 

 

Seconded on the chicken. It looks delicious. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you. I can't tell you how much that means to me. Well I can. It means a lot. Thank you

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

giphy.gif

 

 

I'm a Grouch today, and will be turning off all screens for the rest of the day and probably tomorrow. *hugs* Have a wonderful day! I mean, HAVE A ROTTEN DAY :D:D 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

 

 

Thank you. I can't tell you how much that means to me. Well I can. It means a lot. Thank you

 

Everyone needs to hear that sometimes! Even if you know something, it’s good to be told it. Because it’s really easy to normalize something. I never knew how weird my childhood was until my sister and I were adults in therapy lol. 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
46 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

 

TRUTH. It still feels incredibly normal. 

 

Yeah, same for me. It’s part of why I avoid certain environments. Like family reunions if Jessie can’t make it. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Sciread77 said:

 

Yeah, same for me. It’s part of why I avoid certain environments. Like family reunions if Jessie can’t make it. 

 

I keep wanting to say to you “It’s really not that bad.” But then I find myself explaining why it isn’t, and I read what I’ve written and then I erase it and say “shit, that’s not really normal, is it?”    They broke a lot of abusive parenting chains when they raised me and my brother. I felt loved and cared for. But I also knew how to take care of someone who was depressed or having an anxiety attack. And I think... that’s not normal. But knowing where they came from, I feel compassionate. But looking at where I want to go in life, I know I can be compassionate and still create some healthy boundaries so I can have a life too. :)

 

Thank you. I’ve been thinking a LOT about this over the last couple of days, and it’s been really helpful to have someone understand and say “YES, I get it!” And seeing that you have a life :) That’s very, VERY encouraging! Thank you for being such a supportive friend. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’ve made a decision to count calories. 

 

With my healthy habits challenges, I’ve lost 10 pounds overall! I LOVE it. I feel really good about myself, and I even bought a size smaller shirt and shorts yesterday when I went shopping to replace the clothes I got paint on. 

 

So the exercising, the strength training, and the not snacking after dinner/ avoiding candy is working. Also the stress relief of taking an hour of quiet to myself and an hour of work has been really great.  

 

But I’m really surprised I haven’t lost more than that by now. I think an average weight loss of a pound a week is great, but I feel like being 110 pounds overweight, I should be losing more weight in the beginning than I am. So I’m on a mission to discover “Where are the sneaky calories?” 

 

So here are the guidelines for calorie counting. 

1. Take a morning each weekend and plan menus. Import recipes and meals into My Fitness Pal. Create meals out of daily food combinations like sandwiches, how I make my coffee, and cereal, so I’m not always entering the same minute details everyday. Coffee, 2tsp sugar, 1 tbsp cream. BOOM  ONE ITEM NOW.

 

2. This is not a punishment or a diet. Aiming for perfection is not the point. The point is to find the Sneaky Calories. My prime suspect is PORTION SIZES. :D I am not going to fall into categorizing food as bad or good. That’s a diet trap.

 

3. Take time off as needed. Maybe I’m at a party where I can’t really count what’s in Brenda’s casserole. Maybe I’m at a conference and I can’t plan ahead what I’m eating. This is a tool that I use, I am not the tool. No diet traps.

 

 

Also my mum looked at my squat challenge and said it was crazy. Which means now that I’m DEFINITELY going to do it, because I’m feeling extra-rebellious these days being an independent adult. LOL

 

 

I’m using myfitnesspal. If you would like to be friends on my fitness pal, PM me your email, or I’ll PM you mine, and we can be friends! And if you don’t want to be friends on MFP, I’ll never know, and we can continue to be supportive teammates here :D 

 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love your approach to calorie counting and how to keep it manageable and balanced. I also love your "this is not a punishment diet." As someone who DIDN'T set those boundaries once upon a time, I cannot admire and encourage that enough.

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Nova Aquarii said:

I love your approach to calorie counting and how to keep it manageable and balanced. I also love your "this is not a punishment diet." As someone who DIDN'T set those boundaries once upon a time, I cannot admire and encourage that enough.

Thanks! I also fell into the punishment diet trap before, and it is really damaging to one’s well being! My goal is to use it to help me right now, and then after I reach my goal, use it to get back on track if I start gaining weight again. Even with setting boundaries, it feels like the Hordes of Diet Gremlins are constantly at the door shouting “let me tell you the truth about eggs!”  Or “this week, coffee is good for you!”

I get so angry about it. Thank you for your kind words, it helps remind me to just do what I need to do and not let that anger fester. 

 

 

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My uncle is visiting and he’s talking politics. He was getting lost in ranting about things, and mom was like “OOH did you see Star Trek?”

She’s better. Someone flipped a switch. We were going to the store to get stuff for dinner and she said “You have to move out. You have to get a life. We’ll need help later in life, but one day you’re going to wake up and you’ll wonder where your life went. Don’t let us suck your life away.”

 

I’m reading a book called “You are not lost” by Maxie McCoy. It’s a self help book about basically getting your shit together and moving on with your life. :D I think it’s wonderful.  It’s simply put and I feel like each paragraph is directed at me.  So my brain hurts a little, but in a good way :D

 

Well, I better go be not so rude!  TTYS

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Don’t let us suck your life away.”

Powerful stuff.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

  Or “this week, coffee is good for you!”

 

How I feel about coffee:

Image result for coffee memes braveheart

 

But in all seriousness, I can definitely relate, all the changing information in the diet industry can definitely make things confusing and frustrating. What I have learned from years on my mental and physical health journey that it really comes down to figuring out what works for YOU and what makes you feel healthy and your best, and ignoring the noise.

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Nova Aquarii said:

 

12 hours ago, Nova Aquarii said:

How I feel about coffee:

Image result for coffee memes braveheart

 

But in all seriousness, I can definitely relate, all the changing information in the diet industry can definitely make things confusing and frustrating. What I have learned from years on my mental and physical health journey that it really comes down to figuring out what works for YOU and what makes you feel healthy and your best, and ignoring the noise.

 

Same here. My challenge is honestly dealing with family members and friends who are still trying to keep up with trends and explaining to them how damaging that was for me, and that while I can't tell them what choices to make in their lives, I am finding my choices and creating my path. :)

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Day 3 of counting calories and it’s not too hard. Making meals out of things like coffee and cereal seemed silly, but it’s really nice to check one box instead of looking up the same individual components every day. Again, the emotional connection to food is a bit of a shock to me. I never realized how eating was this comforting reassurance. Just in a few days I found I was thinking 

 

“I’m going to eat a candy bar, and I’m not telling you about it, and I’m not sharing it.”  

 

”I can’t deal with this. I’m going to eat a cookie and calm down then deal with it.”

 

“Life is really hard right now. These chips will be fun. We need to have some fun”

 

 

With counting calories, there’s no emotional eating. It’s all planned out, counted, and shared with MFP friends. Yesterday I ate half of what I actually put on my plate because I found I wasn’t physically hungry, and the food wasn’t fulfilling my emotional need anymore. 

 

It is both wonderful and uncomfortable.  I’m going to have to deal with my life a little better and face the things I don’t like about it. Find solutions. Which will take time. I have time. Blah. ;)

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Yes! I'm in! 

 

Oof peeps. Me too. Can I join this bandwagon?

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes I don’t count a vegetable. 

Like if I eat three pepper strips with lunch, I don't count it.  

 

Because I’m a rebel. :D

 

Dad is now coming to Maine with Mom and I and they are both so relieved and happy now. Apparently this was a huge weight on both of them about Dad being alone for a week. His vision is worse than he let on, and he cant fake it as well anymore. So with this burden off their shoulders, they are okay again. They’re pushing me to get a life and a career and move out. They’re fine on their own. Until the time comes when they’re not.

 

I am going to write myself a note. A reminder to myself that the next time they suck me into their anxiety spiral that I am not their therapist. A permission slip to be a selfish daughter and let them figure their own shit out. Because they did, and they are fine, and I’m the one who is having trouble falling asleep because she’s completely burned out emotionally. They truly are fine on their own. 

 

And thats all the more energy I have for it.  Next challenge, I am going to set very healthy and firm boundaries!

 

 

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now