• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

fleaball

Flea Learns How to Human, Part 2

Recommended Posts

Apparently the key to success for me is to start with the absolute most basic things and work my way up from there. Boring, but I'm not going to complain about finding something that works. So here we go again: no nutrition or fitness goals, just focusing on getting my shit together so I can at least pretend to be a functional human being since I was never taught this shit in the first place.

 

Goals:

  • Take my allergies seriously: wash/change sheets weekly, vacuum and dust my room weekly, brush the cats if I can ever convince them to sit still for it.
  • Eat 3 meals a day, aiming for at least 10g protein each. (I didn't lie when I said no nutrition goals! This is 100% because I don't know how to eat like a normal fucking person and will either forget to eat or just eat a ton of crap that has no nutritional value and leaves me hungry.)
  • Figure out what works for me as a sleep routine.
  • Do a de-stressing thing every day.

 

Bonus goals: 

  • Get rid of e v e r y t h i n g from last challenge's purge by the end of this challenge.
  • Play with cats more.
  • Like 14

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, fleaball said:

I don't know how to eat like a normal fucking person

I had instant mashed potatoes and a bag of frozen corn. 

 

For dinner. 

 

At midnight. 

 

 

 

 

(At least there was a vegetable?)

  • Like 4
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

help I suddenly have an intense desire to buy a futon for my room. 

 

I wanted to buy a comfy chair because I’m tired of my bed being the only place to sit, but apparently they’re expensive. Target has a basic futon for only $20 more than the chair I was looking at which is on clearance. 

 

The worst (?) part is that I’d actually have room for the futon once I finish all my purging. So my go-to excuse of “whoops, no room” is toast. 

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, fleaball said:

I wanted to buy a comfy chair because I’m tired of my bed being the only place to sit, but apparently they’re expensive. Target has a basic futon for only $20 more than the chair I was looking at which is on clearance. 

 

I think having a place other than your bed to sit is a really good idea. I'm working on breaking the habit of using my bed for things other than sleeping as part of training myself to sleep better and doing the same might help your sleep routine goal.

 

What are the advantages of the futon over the chair?

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Look at you buying furniture like a grownup!

I literally thought the same thing lol 

 

9 hours ago, Whisper said:

I think having a place other than your bed to sit is a really good idea. I'm working on breaking the habit of using my bed for things other than sleeping as part of training myself to sleep better and doing the same might help your sleep routine goal.

 

What are the advantages of the futon over the chair?

Yeah that's another motivation for it. I'm hoping it helps. 

 

The chair I was looking at has some bad reviews. It has no arms, which I could live with, but a lot of the reviews say it's also low to the ground and the back is really low so it feels more like a kid's chair. Which isn't ideal but I was kinda willing to put up with it. There's a decent-looking chair for the same price at IKEA, but the only IKEA in New England is a bitch and a half to get to and really not worth the hassle. Futon would have arms so I could sit in whatever position I wanted without falling off, there'd be space for the cats to hang out with me (because we all know this is the most important part), and there was another pro to it but I forget what it was now. Honestly I just hate spending money even on things I want/need. But a $20 difference between a futon I like vs a chair I'd be settling for makes it seem silly to do anything but the futon. 

 

6 hours ago, Rookie said:

I am not seeing the issue with wanting a futon lol. Having a couch is badass. 

The price is not badass lol. That's my issue. 

  • Like 10

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Forum ate my post D:

 

I'm getting the stupid futon since y'all are terrible influences. I'll wait til Sunday to see if it goes on sale and then I'll order it. I think part of why I'm hesitating is just that I feel like I'm spending a lot of money on my room now. The mattress was non-negotiable, really, since I'd needed a new one since like last year. But I also just bought a huge white board for my room so I can keep track of shit better, I'm going to get a small one to put near my "pantry" bookcase so I can keep track of what I have, and now this. In the long run it's not going to bankrupt me and I can always do some extra driving, but I don't like spending money. Also it's buying things for me because I want them which has always been a big no-no. 

 

I had butternut squash ravioli today and I am a happy kitty. 

 

Anyway. Got rid of some more stuff. Went to Staples and: got rid of all the stuff that needed shredding, shipped a box with boots I bought last year and never got around to returning until now, dropped off some old cords and CDs to be recycled. Honestly I only went because I told my therapist last week I'd get it done before I saw her tomorrow, but I still went. I have two laptops I need to drop off there at some point but I have to wipe them first. I was going to just take out the hard drives but I don't want to deal with that tbh. So now there's even more space in my room, whee. And I'll probably do some little things tonight as well. Putting in the futon will require moving some things around which I wasn't planning on, but I think I'll live. 

 

In other news, I'm so tired of being tired all the time. I keep waking up a million times during the night. When my alarm goes off I feel like I haven't slept at all. Even though this mattress is so much better than my old one and it's actually comfy. I'm sure the fact that I'm not eating well has something to do with it too. Blaaaah it's so frustrating to have so many problems to fix.

  • Like 10

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nothing at all wrong with starting from the super basic stuff, especially if that's actually working for you! And it seems like it really did work in the last challenge, you crushed it :D

 

On 6/25/2019 at 3:36 PM, fleaball said:

Play with cats more.

Wholeheartedly approve! I'm also allergic to my pet but the extra cuddle time is totally worth it. Mega kudos for your goal of more laundry, laundry is the worst!

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, fleaball said:

In other news, I'm so tired of being tired all the time. I keep waking up a million times during the night. When my alarm goes off I feel like I haven't slept at all.

This sounds like something else going on...I can't remember if you've seen a Dr about it? Sleep is so important for...well everything!!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, fleaball said:

 

I'm getting the stupid futon since y'all are terrible influences. I'll wait til Sunday to see if it goes on sale and then I'll order it. I think part of why I'm hesitating is just that I feel like I'm spending a lot of money on my room now. The mattress was non-negotiable, really, since I'd needed a new one since like last year. But I also just bought a huge white board for my room so I can keep track of shit better, I'm going to get a small one to put near my "pantry" bookcase so I can keep track of what I have, and now this. In the long run it's not going to bankrupt me and I can always do some extra driving, but I don't like spending money. Also it's buying things for me because I want them which has always been a big no-no. 

I'd say the act of spending that money on yourself is even more important than getting the couch. It's a way to train yourself to see you as worth it. Behavioral psych always says it's easier to change someone's beliefs after changing their behavior. In your case, it may be easier to believe you are worth it after actually doing actions that show you are worth it. I'm proud of you.

 

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

Honestly I only went because I told my therapist last week I'd get it done before I saw her tomorrow, but I still went.

This is an awesome reason to do something. You might be temypted to discount these actions since you "only did it not to get in trouble." On the other hand, you did it because you said you were going to do it and Flea is an honest person who does what she said she'll do. In my head cannon, it's the second one. I'm proud of you.

 

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

In other news, I'm so tired of being tired all the time. I keep waking up a million times during the night. When my alarm goes off I feel like I haven't slept at all. Even though this mattress is so much better than my old one and it's actually comfy. I'm sure the fact that I'm not eating well has something to do with it too. Blaaaah it's so frustrating to have so many problems to fix.

Yeah, that's really frustrating.

2 hours ago, RES said:

This sounds like something else going on...I can't remember if you've seen a Dr about it? Sleep is so important for...well everything!!

I tend to agree there might be some medical stuff going on, but given your [Flea's] frustration with the medical community, I'd give you a pass on putting that on the back burner for a while, especially given how much progress you are making in other areas. That's not permission to ignore it forever. RES is right that dealing with it will help in a lot of areas, I'm just saying it's ok not to deal with it RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE OH MY GOD!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, fleaball said:

I'm getting the stupid futon

I am a little confused.  The only kind of futon I know is a big sleeping mat you roll up and stuff in a closet during the day.  What is this thing you are buying?

 

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

Also it's buying things for me because I want them which has always been a big no-no

Being able to buy things just because you want them is one of the greatest things about being an adult.  10/10 would recommend

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Nothing at all wrong with starting from the super basic stuff, especially if that's actually working for you! And it seems like it really did work in the last challenge, you crushed it :D

Thanks! :)

 

Quote

Wholeheartedly approve! I'm also allergic to my pet but the extra cuddle time is totally worth it. Mega kudos for your goal of more laundry, laundry is the worst!

The sad thing is my two don't really like to play much? They're like "oh cool, a shiny thing. I'mma go back to napping now." So we'll see how well this works out. One is an absolute cuddle monster though, and the other will generally only cuddle with my father who wants nothing to do with it. Womp.

 

11 hours ago, RES said:

This sounds like something else going on...I can't remember if you've seen a Dr about it? Sleep is so important for...well everything!!

Quote

I tend to agree there might be some medical stuff going on, but given your [Flea's] frustration with the medical community, I'd give you a pass on putting that on the back burner for a while, especially given how much progress you are making in other areas. That's not permission to ignore it forever. RES is right that dealing with it will help in a lot of areas, I'm just saying it's ok not to deal with it RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE OH MY GOD!

I talked to my doctor about sleep issues when I saw her in May, but at the time I was just having trouble falling asleep, not staying asleep. I sent her a message this morning but her nurse replied saying she's on vacation until July 5. The nurse sent me some info on sleeping better but it's the standard "avoid blue light, drink some tea, only use your bed for sleep and sex." So I guess we'll see what she has to say next week. I honestly think a big part of it is that I'm not eating properly. Most of the times when I wake up I notice that I'm hungry, but I ignore it and go back to sleep because it's stupid o'clock in the morning. 

 

eta: I talked about it with my therapist today too and she said it could definitely be a depression thing. Or I'm just fucked since there are a million different things that can affect sleep. oh well.

 

8 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'd say the act of spending that money on yourself is even more important than getting the couch. It's a way to train yourself to see you as worth it. Behavioral psych always says it's easier to change someone's beliefs after changing their behavior. In your case, it may be easier to believe you are worth it after actually doing actions that show you are worth it. I'm proud of you.

brb going on a shopping spree

 

Quote

This is an awesome reason to do something. You might be tempted to discount these actions since you "only did it not to get in trouble." On the other hand, you did it because you said you were going to do it and Flea is an honest person who does what she said she'll do. In my head cannon, it's the second one. I'm proud of you.

It was mostly the latter. I wasn't afraid of getting in trouble, it was more like "I said I'd do it and I don't have a good reason for not doing it soooo yeah."

 

7 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I am a little confused.  The only kind of futon I know is a big sleeping mat you roll up and stuff in a closet during the day.  What is this thing you are buying?

Couch-y thing that can also fold down into being a bed. I won't use the bed part but if it's nearly the same price as the cheapest chair I can find, meh.

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also general FYI: for the next 6-7 weeks there’s a chance I’ll either be a lot quieter than usual or make more random bullshit posts. July 2nd was the day my mother went to the ER and started the whole downward spiral. Last year it caught me off guard and I spent July and August reliving all of the shitty memories and my perceived failures during the whole thing, because my brain is weird and I remember random dates so I super helpfully kept remembering “today last year was when she had that surgery,” “a year ago today she went to the nursing home,” “this is the day I did X and fucked it up.” This year I’m obviously aware of all that and hoping it won’t affect me as much. But of course I have no way of knowing until/unless it happens.

 

And I know by now that I didn’t fuck up. There are things I wish I’d done differently, mostly for my own sake, but I did the best I could under the circumstances. I spent 6 weeks doing fucking everything I could in a shithole of a house, with my lifelong abusers, to take care of a woman who refused to accept that she was dying. And let’s be real, no matter what I did she was always going to find fault with me anyway. She can choke on her fucking ham and cheese sandwich in hell. 

  • Like 9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Didn't start off that last post thinking I'd get as bitter as I did, but oh well. 

 

Haven't done much of anything today yet and it's almost 8pm. Rawr. I definitely woke up a bunch of times last night but thankfully I felt pretty rested when I woke up for reals. I still need like a month's worth of sleep, but I'll take what I can get for now. 

 

Today's plan: make pasta immediately after this post is done. Finish off the remaining things I need to sort through. Maybe take photos of the handful of things I'm going to try to sell on Nextdoor/Facebook/etc; it's not much, but there are a few things I could maybe get a few bucks for. And then work on a job application. I got an automated email today from the hospital system saying a posting that "matched my profile" just opened. It's not 100% what I want to do, but judging by the description it's something I'm definitely qualified for AND would involve me interfacing with people all over the hospital so it's worth trying for it. I'm going to ignore the part where it say "5 years of experience in a health care environment required." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

I have no frozen veggies to put in my pasta and I am a sad kitty. I've walked down the frozen aisle so many times and just forgotten that I actually needed things. Boo.

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

boobcat would like you all to know that I took too long giving him his portion of tuna and he died of starvation.

  • Like 2
  • Haha 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, fleaball said:

boobcat would like you all to know that I took too long giving him his portion of tuna and he died of starvation.

 

Poor Boobcat!! 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, fleaball said:

And then work on a job application.

I got as far as opening my Google Drive folder with all my applications for this hospital before the panic set in. Silly Flea, thinking you could actually do an application in one night. :rolleyes:

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sucked it up and did the bare minimum: cut & pasted the job description into a word doc and highlighted things that need including in the resume. Also looked up the department this job is in. Turns out I totally misunderstood what it is, but I’m still going for it. 

 

Also finally opened the dashcam I bought on Black Friday. I’d been putting it off because I was afraid it would be crazy complicated to set up. Seven fucking months later... it’s pretty easy to deal with. Ugh. This is how my life works. 

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ordered ramen for dinner. Got what I ordered but there was also miso soup, a salad, and sushi in the bag and I feel bad. I also loathe sushi. Sad face for wasted food. 

 

Buuuut I also trashed my science fair projects from grade school that I thought I’d gotten rid of long ago, and that felt good. Yay. 

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fucking lawl. Put a cheap thing up on Facebook marketplace and currently having massive anxiety over the whole process. Whee. 

 

Edit: aaaaaaand panicked and deleted the listing after two people inquired about it. Womp. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now