Adventurers of the Lucky Vale III

[Sciread77]

On 8/1/2019 at 6:57 AM, Aquarii said:

 

Wait...that isn't normal? This is interesting because I feel like as a female, I am told that strong, quickly changing emotions are just...a way of life? But when men experience strong, quickly changing emotions it is a disease? Like, my emotions are like Ohio's weather, you don't like it, wait five minutes. Though I feel like for me I can get a little dis-associative about it, like if my emotions are just all over the map, what is the point of acknowledging them or treating them as valid if they are just going to change? Like those people who say "you can't argue with someone's emotions" have clearly never been inside my head. 

 

 

I think they’re more common and normal than people like to admit. Based on everything I’ve read, it’s largely the intensity and disruption that makes any of this DSM-worthy. I also think many men like to blame everything on hormone problems rather than learn how to exercise empathy. I mean, female hormones can throw emotions seriously, especially in some cases. But our culture also has a lot of men who think it’s manly to hide their emotions and wait for them to express themselves through outlets like alcoholism, sex, violence, anger, etc. 

 

In a LOT of ways, I’ve been able to empathize better with women than some groups of men because of my experience with mood swings. 

 

Still, the best I have is second hand information when it comes to being a woman.

 

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Those were my exact fears surrounding alcohol. They were both 100% founded and 100% unfounded, depending on the environment and intent. I quickly found that if I intend to use alcohol to harm myself, that is going to happen, if I intend to use it to have a good time with friends, that is going to happen, if I intend to go crazy and just see where I end up on the other side...it is going to happen.

 

Pretty much. I just realized that I drank to try to numb loneliness way more than I drank to have fun. Now, I only drink for fun. We have this super full and well-stocked liquor cabinet that we use on our birthdays, our 4th of July bbq, and a handful of times per year when we have parties for adult friends rather than having kids over. 

 

Quote

 

This is interesting. I feel like I will sometimes let things slide with my husband because he does something similar. A small criticism or suggestion can sometimes be received as a huge issue.

 

See, I wish she wouldn’t hold back. Or, really, even give those reactions a second thought. I never say anything. I never raise it as an issue later. I KNOW my reaction is completely irrational and based on issues I have (including years of living with my mom who was actually angry over a lot of small things). I just haven’t been able to wrest control of my facial expressions, or my feelings in the moment. I have some thought processes that, after some time, fix it. The worst part, to me, is that if she does act on them, she is succumbing to a generationally passed manipulation tactic that some people in my family use on purpose and others just have beat into our heads. Through years of therapy and help with medicine, I’ve been able to minimize its appearance. It just sometimes hits me out of nowhere. Contrast with my mom and my grandma, who actively use it when people ask them for anything different in a relationship or attempt any sort of discussion about improving a relationship or taking it to the next stage in life. 

 

I am glad that I’ve been able to become someone I generally like in spite of all of this. I am a person who values improvement and change and learning.  I think others generally like me. Except, of course, when I get those depressive and negative thoughts. And I think maybe they all tolerate me at best. 

 

[Sciread77]

The really funny thing is, in spite of that feeling I also have a desire to have a place in the middle of nowhere to just go camp or hang out at. As long as I can then go back and access people. A place I’d take family and friends to. 

[Sciread77]

Push-up AMRAP: 19. Down quite a bit but I’ve not really done them regularly for a long time either. I’ll probably  give a Pull-up and dry squat AMRAPs sometime today or tomorrow. Gotta fix a garage door or two tonight so we’ll see about that. 

[Aquarii]

9 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

 

I think they’re more common and normal than people like to admit. Based on everything I’ve read, it’s largely the intensity and disruption that makes any of this DSM-worthy. I also think many men like to blame everything on hormone problems rather than learn how to exercise empathy. I mean, female hormones can throw emotions seriously, especially in some cases. But our culture also has a lot of men who think it’s manly to hide their emotions and wait for them to express themselves through outlets like alcoholism, sex, violence, anger, etc. 

 

In a LOT of ways, I’ve been able to empathize better with women than some groups of men because of my experience with mood swings. 

 

Still, the best I have is second hand information when it comes to being a women. 

 

Oh, I know. I say that half-jokingly. Teros already knows I deal with depression and anxiety, so I am not a "normal" case. But, I do think there is something to be said about the way that emotions are treated in men and women, and I think it can be easier to pass off mood swings in women as "oh, she is just being hormonal." In the same way that a guy might get criticized as being "weak" for expressing emotion, which is also unfortunate. 

 

And yes, hormones do have a huge impact on some women's emotional and mental health, me being one of those people. It is sad though, I think a lot of us, after hearing "you are just being hormonal" enough times, internalize that and don't actually acknowledge our emotions as "real" because they are being impacted by hormones.

 

9 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

Pretty much. I just realized that I drank to try to numb loneliness way more than I drank to have fun. Now, I only drink for fun. We have this super full and well-stocked liquor cabinet that we use on our birthdays, our 4th of July bbq, and a handful of times per year when we have parties for adult friends rather than having kids over. 

 

For me, I basically just need to avoid drinking alone and I am good. Which is like rule 1 of drinking - never drink alone, but I needed to learn that the hard way.

 

9 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

See, I wish she wouldn’t hold back. Or, really, even give those reactions a second thought. I never say anything. I never raise it as an issue later. I KNOW my reaction is completely irrational and based on issues I have (including years of living with my mom who was actually angry over a lot of small things). I just haven’t been able to wrest control of my facial expressions, or my feelings in the moment. I have some thought processes that, after some time, fix it. The worst part, to me, is that if she does act on them, she is succumbing to a generationally passed manipulation tactic that some people in my family use on purpose and others just have beat into our heads. Through years of therapy and help with medicine, I’ve been able to minimize its appearance. It just sometimes hits me out of nowhere. Contrast with my mom and my grandma, who actively use it when people ask them for anything different in a relationship or attempt any sort of discussion about improving a relationship or taking it to the next stage in life. 

 

For me, the fact that I hold back is rooted in my own issues. Like yes, he has a tendency to overreact, but I have a tendency to avoid upsetting people due to growing up with a parent with anger management issues. I was also close to a few emotionally manipulative people who would intentionally overreact and ignore me to get what they wanted. So, sometimes it is just easier to let stupid stuff go.

 

9 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

I think others generally like me. Except, of course, when I get those depressive and negative thoughts. And I think maybe they all tolerate me at best. 

 

I am pretty sure my friends tolerate me at best...all the time. But that is fine. As long as I am happy with who I am, I don't care what they think of my crazy self, haha.

[Sciread77]

5 hours ago, Aquarii said:

 

Oh, I know. I say that half-jokingly. Teros already knows I deal with depression and anxiety, so I am not a "normal" case. But, I do think there is something to be said about the way that emotions are treated in men and women, and I think it can be easier to pass off mood swings in women as "oh, she is just being hormonal." In the same way that a guy might get criticized as being "weak" for expressing emotion, which is also unfortunate. 

 

Yeah. I recall you mentioned things like that before. 

 

5 hours ago, Aquarii said:

 

And yes, hormones do have a huge impact on some women's emotional and mental health, me being one of those people. It is sad though, I think a lot of us, after hearing "you are just being hormonal" enough times, internalize that and don't actually acknowledge our emotions as "real" because they are being impacted by hormones.

 

Just because hormones (or mental illness, or whatever else) act as a magnifier or cloud a perception doesn’t mean you don’t have a feeling. Invalidation isn’t cool. 

 

5 hours ago, Aquarii said:

 

For me, I basically just need to avoid drinking alone and I am good. Which is like rule 1 of drinking - never drink alone, but I needed to learn that the hard way.

 

 

I really only enjoy drinking with friends or, with newer people, if I am in a very specific mood. Also, Jessie isn’t a big drinker and neither are our families either, so it just doesn’t come up much. 

 

5 hours ago, Aquarii said:

For me, the fact that I hold back is rooted in my own issues. Like yes, he has a tendency to overreact, but I have a tendency to avoid upsetting people due to growing up with a parent with anger management issues. I was also close to a few emotionally manipulative people who would intentionally overreact and ignore me to get what they wanted. So, sometimes it is just easier to let stupid stuff go.

 

 

That makes sense. 

 

5 hours ago, Aquarii said:

I am pretty sure my friends tolerate me at best...all the time. But that is fine. As long as I am happy with who I am, I don't care what they think of my crazy self, haha.

 

Well, I’m glad you’re here. 

 

We signed up for membership at the YMCA tonight. So I may start doing cross challenges with the Warriors one of these days. Doing so, however, put us home pretty late so the garage doors are still busted and no Pull-up /Squat AMRAP numbers. 

[Sciread77]

Yesterday was good. But not great for eating well. I ran out of lentils and dried peas so I only had about 3 bites. I had to go by the post office so I grabbed lunch at QT, taquitos and the buffalo chicken dog with peppers, tomatoes, sauerkraut, and chipotle mayo. Then on to an amazing board meeting that really helped emotionally connect me to the organization and feel like I have something to contribute beyond being the resident bean counter.  But no dinner. The kids stayed with my parents last night, so Jessie and I went up to the YMCA and joined, grabbing Taco Bell at 10:30. Calorie wise, nbd. Likely we’ll within when I burned. But nutritionally lacking for what has recently been a healthy, diversified diet. 

 

I don’t feel guilty, but I DO feel bloated and didn’t sleep well. 

 

We’re going to go with 2 on the Pull-up AMRAP. I accidentally started with a hammer grip chin and then couldn’t make the third actual pull up. So I’m not sure if I just would have missed it by less or I’d have made it to 3. In any case, I don’t want to redo it and my best AMRAP on them is 3 or 5 or something and I Doubt I just hovered at my all-time best.  

 

Depending on the workload today I hope to round out with the squats. We’re having a celebratory lunch today for our team member who is leaving for another firm. He’s a great guy and I’ll miss him. 

[Sciread77]

Or Rangers.  Maybe I'll go see the Rangers. 

 

Still gotta fix that garage door. Marinara is coming over to play board games with us tonight so that ought to be fun.  We don't really have anything to do this weekend, except a short work event Jessie has Sunday.  So I'm hoping we can spend some time at the YMCA over the weekend.  I'd like to get to know the equipment a little bit more and intro the kiddos to the place.  Weekends will have low switching costs since we can go dressed and ready for just about anything.

[Sciread77]

 

Garage doors are both fixed. One got knocked off track by a tennis ball guide wrapped around the chain and the other was victim to a teething puppy. I fixed both and now I just have to clear out the garage. 

 

This is morning I made some more progress, but not as much as I’d have liked. We haven’t been grocery shopping except for party supplies before the bridal shower so we spent from the end of breakfast to noon replenishing all of our staples. And preparin for a surprise bbq for Marinara. So last night he came over, played games, and it was great. Rex discovered Woody was invited to a small, 6-7 year old only party hosted by their mutual friend (who just moved). But the kid was only allowed to invite 3 friends from his class. Rex was devastated and only promises of fishing and bbqing with Uncle Marinara helped. So that’s what we’re doing. Pork ribs in the smoker and chicken on the rotisserie attachment for the grill, which I’ve never used. Fun times but not quite what we envisioned lol. 

 

I almost never eat pork, and I’d not miss it if pork disappeared forever. But I do like pork ribs. And we’re having bbqed lentils with it all as well. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

On 8/3/2019 at 4:36 PM, Sciread77 said:

I almost never eat pork, and I’d not miss it if pork disappeared forever

Agreeeeed

[Sciread77]

Yesterday was completely torched, but appears to have turned out ok. Our original plan included a lot, including substantially more work on the house.  Instead, I got an emergency call from Jessie as our little Cruze, which she was driving to a sales demo an hour and a half away, overheated. So I had the kids throw their shoes on, grabbed a random T-shirt and flip flops for myself, and grabbed a bunch of bananas and some waters from the freezer before taking off.  We were able to get her and make it to the demo pretty close to on time. My parents live reasonably close so I took the kids by there for food. Only Rex managed to eat anything beyond the bananas I grabbed. They killed a box of Egos while we were there and played in the basement. My parents, it turns out, we’re at a flea market and gone almost exactly the time we were there. 

 

After getting Jessie we met the tow guy, who took the Cruze back to the Valvoline it was services at last Wednesday. It appears that there was no coolant in it, even though they had just topped it off, so we left it at a shop a short piece down the street. Jessie picked up Taco Bell during the refill and check at the Valvoline since it was across the street. 

 

Next, we went by Target. Originally, we thought we’d pick up more booster seats. Since it’s the tax free weekend, we got the boys school clothes and decided to put off the boosters until we knew more about the car. 

 

We got home late in the afternoon. Bo Peep went down for a nap, finally, and I finished the lawn job that Marinara started when he asked to check out our electric mower. I also attached my wind speed indicator to the top of the playhouse with Woody’s help and finished setting it up. I have a rainfall sensor that I should attach somewhere but I don’t know exactly where to do it so far and it works just fine on a table outside for now. 

 

I also put away and organized some in our room. So it’s getting better. 

 

I’ll be following up with the mechanic soon to see what’s going on/if they’ve had a chance to look at it. I really hope they do and that nothing major is wrong with it. Frankly, the thought of being forced to buy a new car again or having a massive repair bill is enough to give me a panic attack. We want a new car, but we also want to choose when and how we buy it. The last time we bought in a panic (mostly I was panicked) and I got completely hosed on it. I want to plan out a nice transition rather than being forced into settling for a stopgap when we really didn’t budget for a new car. What we have SHOULD last us until then. 

 

 

[Sciread77]

16 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Agreeeeed

 

It’s not that I dislike pork. It’s just that the only pork I ever crave is bacon, and I like turkey bacon better than pork bacon. Pork is good. Every other kind of meat is better. As are most plant sources of protein. 

[Teros]

23 hours ago, Sciread77 said:

It’s not that I dislike pork. It’s just that the only pork I ever crave is bacon, and I like turkey bacon better than pork bacon. Pork is good. Every other kind of meat is better. As are most plant sources of protein. 

  Almost a weekly staple.  I have to disagree on dining on swine. However, I will agree on turkey bacon.  I don't understand why people like super salty, sometimes rubbery and raw or burnt and bad-smokey tasting bacon.  I feel like it is rare for me to enjoy regular bacon.

 

How old is the Cruze?

 

[Sciread77]

46 minutes ago, Teros said:

  Almost a weekly staple.  I have to disagree on dining on swine. However, I will agree on turkey bacon.  I don't understand why people like super salty, sometimes rubbery and raw or burnt and bad-smokey tasting bacon.  I feel like it is rare for me to enjoy regular bacon.

 

If I talk about bacon we cook, it’s always turkey bacon.  I actively enjoy turkey bacon more than pork bacon 

 

I’d totally eat the sausage weekly, too. It’s good. BUT. My wife, who also likes it, gets sick every time she eats it. About the only pork she can handle is the occasional rack of pork ribs. Everything else just destroys her stomach. I used to eat regular bacon and pork sausage all the time, but since it started bothering her and we basically stopped eating it, I don’t miss it. I can’t remember the last time I was at home and thought that I just wanted <insert pork product here>.  

 

I find in’s when I eat the way my body tells me, I’m vegetarian most meals, have fish or poultry once a day, and beef on occasion. 

 

I love beef beef tacos and smoked beef. But if I eat too much or have it too often I’ll notice my joints swelling and hurting. 

 

46 minutes ago, Teros said:

How old is the Cruze?

 

 

I got the Cruze on... was it Christmas Eve of 2011? Right around then. It’s about 7 1/2 years old with about 100k miles on it. It’s had overheating and turbo issues that destroyed an engine before, apparently due to a recall issue. I got a brand new and supposedly fixed engine out of the deal but I’ve given it the side eye since. 

 

 

[Aquarii]

On 8/5/2019 at 12:29 PM, Sciread77 said:

It’s not that I dislike pork. It’s just that the only pork I ever crave is bacon, and I like turkey bacon better than pork bacon. Pork is good. Every other kind of meat is better. As are most plant sources of protein. 

 

My family quit eating pork about...mmmmm, 15ish years ago? Never looked back. 

[Sciread77]

1 hour ago, Aquarii said:

 

My family quit eating pork about...mmmmm, 15ish years ago? Never looked back. 

 

Pretty much. Aside from special bbqs about once a year, we don’t actively buy or eat any pork. It isn’t “I’m against it” so much as “I never think about it.”

[Aquarii]

33 minutes ago, Sciread77 said:

 

Pretty much. Aside from special bbqs about once a year, we don’t actively buy or eat any pork. It isn’t “I’m against it” so much as “I never think about it.”

 

My family went away from it for religious reasons, and though I have left a lot of those reasons behind, I just have no motivation to eat pork again. It doesn't look appealing, it doesn't smell appealing, and I know wayyyyyy too much about it (since people who are opposed to eating pork like to tell you every disgusting reason why they think pork is the most terrible thing, lol). So, I just never went back.

[Sciread77]

17 hours ago, Aquarii said:

 

My family went away from it for religious reasons, and though I have left a lot of those reasons behind, I just have no motivation to eat pork again. It doesn't look appealing, it doesn't smell appealing, and I know wayyyyyy too much about it (since people who are opposed to eating pork like to tell you every disgusting reason why they think pork is the most terrible thing, lol). So, I just never went back.

 

I don’t have most of those in my mind, though I’ve heard quite a few of them. That said, my parents eat tons of pork rinds and I’ve always thought those were gross. They legit look disgusting.  

 

Looks like nothing’s wrong with the car that they can find. Other than the engine and the turbocharger on it run notoriously hot. I should hear soon if they can find anything or not on it. 

 

I’m not feeling great mentally today. If I ever finish this pile of time-sensitive work I’m going outside for a while. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

Outside is good. I hope you get out!

[Sciread77]

43 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Outside is good. I hope you get out!

 

I was able to get out for a mile or so walk. It’s cloudy, but it still helped. I never thought I’d miss the glass box like I do. 

 

 

[Sciread77]

Last night and this morning, I cleared enough toys out to completely set up my sound booth again. It’s better than it was for a lot of reasons, up to and including the fact that I added an old usb mouse and usb keyboard (my keyboard hasn’t had an R for a few years due to a curious then-1-year-old). My mother-in-law also gave us a 32-inch flatscreen we never knew what to do with, and Eureka! I’m able to run an HDMI cable and use it as a monitor. It’s a lot quieter than my computer, which I can isolate with some plastic tubs. This shaves about 2 minutes worth of fiddling between every start and stop and makes the whole process of recording a lot more enjoyable and efficient. I was also able to get my noise floor down a lot, and I can sit up straight without holding anything in place.  I’ve got a lot more room. 

 

There’s still a ton of work to do.  I need to add a couple of feet to the ceiling; a few of Jessie’s students asked to record music auditions for college there so I need to set it up so that someone can stand.  But I’m in a good place where I can now regularly record again, even if it means getting up early. Now I just need to find a way to get to bed early enough to record or soundproof further so I can record during the day. But hey. I realized I can also optimize auditions during the day, especially for books.  I won’t read a book that causes ethical conflicts about the message spreading so I might as well filter them out. 

 

I was stupid and had some peanut butter and honey for breakfast followed by cake for Jefe’s birthday. I knew adding the cake in particular was a stupid move. Sweets always make me sick. And now I’m suffering the consequences, plus my fingers are swelling.

 

I’d love to have a quiet bed I could crash into for a few hours.  Jessie has school orientation stuff tonight so I’ll be hanging with the kiddos. We have a bunch of new library books, but I’m concerned that I’ll be too tired to stay awake and read. I could just have more coffee, but that’s something I’m trying to avoid doing. 

 

[Sciread77]

I had fun with the kiddos last night.  I gave them a plate of veggies while prepping our bean and rice tacos (the chicken sadly turned out flavorless). Bo Peep powered through them like a cartoon. One actually flew off the table. The boys threw a fit even though they eat and have stated that they like both carrots and broccoli. 

 

It’s been getting worse lately and it’s a general aversion to “vegetables.” I kinda have to blame friends and the media because they all started out like Bo Peep, and I’m about at my wits end. 

 

Last night was complicated by Jessie working late for Freshman Orientation at her school and the kids were missing her. So, and I’m not sure how, I managed to get the kids to pretend that the carrots and broccoli were the reason she was working late. And that the only way to exact they’re revenge was to... eat them... 

 

It was a glorious session of playing with our food. I told Woody to bite off the head. He took a bite of the carrot. Horrified, I told him he actually bit off the butt. I made tony carrot death noises. Woody bit off the other side and crunched it up, and the noises ceased. Then I told him the best meat was in the middle and he powered through that. Then Rex did the same thing. 

 

So I stood and cooked tacos while making death noises for broccoli and carrots while we all laughed. Not one survived. We all enjoyed our tacos and the younger two went to bed. Woody stayed up and read an entire 5-in-one  Cars book to us. I was gonna read chapter to of the first book in the Series or Unfortunate Events to him but I was barely holding my eyes open so he gets one from each parent tonight. 

 

I was able to get up this morning and submit an audition before going to work. It’s a good feeling and I want to get into the habit again. Hopefully without totally killing myself. 

[Aquarii]

On 8/9/2019 at 10:26 AM, Sciread77 said:

I had fun with the kiddos last night.  I gave them a plate of veggies while prepping our bean and rice tacos (the chicken sadly turned out flavorless). Bo Peep powered through them like It was a glorious session of playing with our food. I told Woody to bite off the head. He took a bite of the carrot. Horrified, I told him he actually bit off the butt. I made tony carrot death noises. Woody bit off the other side and crunched it up, and the noises ceased. Then I told him the best meat was in the middle and he powered through that. Then Rex did the same thing. 

 

This is so clever. Sometimes it can take a lot of creativity to get kids to eat foods they aren't thrilled about. I used to convince my little brothers to eat healthy foods by explaining to them that it was what their favorite super heroes have to eat to be strong and muscular. Which is technically true, those actors do have to eat their protein and veggies for those physiques. 

 

On 8/9/2019 at 10:26 AM, Sciread77 said:

I was able to get up this morning and submit an audition before going to work. It’s a good feeling and I want to get into the habit again. Hopefully without totally killing myself. 

 

I am here for this. I love seeing people pursue their creative passions! Keep up the good work

[Sciread77]

20 minutes ago, Aquarii said:

 

This is so clever. Sometimes it can take a lot of creativity to get kids to eat foods they aren't thrilled about. I used to convince my little brothers to eat healthy foods by explaining to them that it was what their favorite super heroes have to eat to be strong and muscular. Which is technically true, those actors do have to eat their protein and veggies for those physiques. 

 

 

At the time I felt less clever and more desperate lol. Although it’s always fun to be silly, and even more so when it works!

 

20 minutes ago, Aquarii said:

I am here for this. I love seeing people pursue their creative passions! Keep up the good work

 

I hope I can make this regular. I tried this around the same time last year and just ran out of gas. I’ve a better “booth” now though. I was 5 minutes into recording an audition around 6 am today when... I heard piano music. I raced upstairs to find my boys playing a duet of cacophony. Sweet, but also early and we try to not wake people up unnecessarily in our household. So that got cut short today but I should be able to do it tomorrow. 

 

I need creative in my life. It’s part of what I love about being involved with Jessie’s theatre program; too. 

 

 

[woodandbronze]

Since I haven't checked in recently, I just wanted to add my 2 cents on the pork discussion: 

Haters gonna hate. I LOVE pork... "it's the other white meat!" And I'm not talking ribs - I'm talking bacon, roast pork, pork chops (my favourite way to cook them right now is Modena style with sage & tomatoes). I could go on... 

[Sciread77]

5 minutes ago, woodandbronze said:

Since I haven't checked in recently, I just wanted to add my 2 cents on the pork discussion: 

Haters gonna hate. I LOVE pork... "it's the other white meat!" And I'm not talking ribs - I'm talking bacon, roast pork, pork chops (my favourite way to cook them right now is Modena style with sage & tomatoes). I could go on... 

 

You do you! I just think it’s funny that I basically never crave pork and rarely cook, even though I really enjoy a good pork dish when it’s served.