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fleaball

In Which Flea Self-Medicates

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Had half a post written yesterday and it got eaten. Oh well. Long post is long now.

 

Good things: Don't need new glasses AND I have 20/20 vision, which I didn't realize. I currently wear glasses for reading and the computer, because apparently both my eyes turn inward a bit and the glasses bring them back to center? Idk. I was afraid I'd need glasses for driving because I've been getting ridiculous headaches, but it turns out my eyes are just insanely dry. I'll take eye drops over new glasses. I also don't need that root canal, which is awesome. Wasn't looking forward to that price tag. Also my brother has finally started stepping up and taking over the nighttime cat pills. I'll take it. 

 

I do feel sort of guilty about the dentist appointment yesterday. My appointment was at 2:15 and they'd called to say they had time open up at 1 and could I come in early? I said no because I had barely slept and was a ball of anxiety and needed the extra time to prepare myself for it. (As it is I didn't shower, which I never do, and was STILL almost late just because I was so exhausted I couldn't make myself get out of bed.) And then I get there and it looks like I was the last appointment for the day, so I feel kinda bad. And it turns out to be a super quick appointment because she couldn't find anything to really justify a root canal right now. And then she didn't charge me for the appointment! Which I am grateful for, obviously. But I feel bad for keeping them there and I feel bad for not paying even though they wouldn't let me? I know there's no reason to feel bad but my programming still says otherwise. So I think I'm just annoyed that I feel guilty, more than anything. 

 

I also realized last night that I've been extra dead this week because I've had something to do at specific times every single day. Not just "ugh I have to run errands and I don't want to put on pants," but several appointments for myself and one for my father. And it ramped up the anxiety/pressure because I had to get up at a given time and shower and be ready and then worried about not getting enough sleep. So by the time it was all over I was just dead. I'd planned on driving all day Saturday but I said fuck it and just took the day to catch up on sleep and just not worry about anything. And surprise, I wound up blitzing through some of my last remaining KonMari tasks that I've been putting off forever. I had 10 left. I finished 3.5 today, 3 others are just finding places to donate certain things, and the other 4 aren't too bad either. I also rearranged some stuff that wasn't on the to do list yet, but since I was in cleaning mode I just went ahead and got it done. 

 

I'm so tired. So. Fucking. Tired. All of a sudden it doesn't matter what time I turn off the electronics or what time my ass is in bed, I can't fall asleep until early morning. I'd been getting better at falling asleep, and then it seems like once I got Fat Kitty's pills it turned around again. I picked 11am to give them to him because it was late enough that I could get decent sleep, but now it's almost like I stay awake because I'm subconsciously afraid I won't wake up on time or something. Which is stupid and I want my brain to get with the program. I usually go back to sleep after giving him his pill, but then when the alarm goes off again I don't want to get up. If I don't make myself get up, I wind up going back to sleep without even trying, and then wake up in the early evening with a nap hangover and am even more dead and useless for the rest of the day. I know I should probably not be going back to sleep after giving him his pill, but when I only get like 4 hours staying awake for the rest of the day feels like a terrible idea too. I even skipped therapy this week because I was just so dead that I could not get moving. Not thrilled about that but shit happens. 

 

I've decided I'm going to return the Instant Pot I got from Target. I'll get a cheap rice cooker instead like I originally planned forever ago. I know the IP has its merits but it was definitely more of an impulse buy than an actual need. I have a habit of buying things that are theoretically helpful for being healthy and kind of just assuming I'll use them and magically be healthier. And then they just collect dust. So yeah, bye bye Instant Pot. I'll get one in the future if I ever get out of this house. 

 

I had a lot of other mopey stuff I wanted to write about, but right now I don't actually want to deal with it. I think a lot of it came up just because I was in a terrible mood all week. So hooray for mopey stuff going away, I guess. 

 

I didn't do a lot challenge-wise.last week. Hopefully this week goes better. Right now I'm going to stop worrying about shit and spend some time with Fat Kitty and hopefully get some sleep.

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Also I deleted everyone on Fitbit that I didn’t immediately recognize, so if you want to be friends feel free to add me. Link’s in my signature, I’m fleaball there as well. 

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Welp, it finally happened. 2,523 Lyft rides and someone finally snapped when they asked me what kind of job I was looking for. Told this woman what I initially wanted to do and said it’s not working out because reasons. She straight up told me no, I’m wrong, it’s not because we’re taking in fewer refugees recently or because funding has been cut at the organizations I’m looking at. It’s because iLlEgAlS aRe RuInInG tHiS cOuNtRy. 

 

I let her rant and just didn't respond. When she finally ran out of steam she said there must be other things I can do with my degree. To which I said yeah there are, but my mother kinda screwed up my plans by dying right after I graduated. That finally bought me silence, yay. 

 

I’m so annoyed. Not just because of her opinions, but like, you didn’t even know my field was a thing until two seconds ago but you’re going to lecture me about why I can’t find a job in it anyway? Fuck off. 

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2 hours ago, fleaball said:

Welp, it finally happened. 2,523 Lyft rides and someone finally snapped when they asked me what kind of job I was looking for. Told this woman what I initially wanted to do and said it’s not working out because reasons. She straight up told me no, I’m wrong, it’s not because we’re taking in fewer refugees recently or because funding has been cut at the organizations I’m looking at. It’s because iLlEgAlS aRe RuInInG tHiS cOuNtRy. 

 

I let her rant and just didn't respond. When she finally ran out of steam she said there must be other things I can do with my degree. To which I said yeah there are, but my mother kinda screwed up my plans by dying right after I graduated. That finally bought me silence, yay. 

 

I’m so annoyed. Not just because of her opinions, but like, you didn’t even know my field was a thing until two seconds ago but you’re going to lecture me about why I can’t find a job in it anyway? Fuck off. 

That person gets a negative review. 

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4 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That person gets a negative review. 

She absolutely did. And I hope she misses her flight in the morning. 

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It’s 2:30, I got back from driving a few minutes ago. I just wanted to make a sandwich and watch an episode of something before going to bed. And it turns out the Internet is down because of an issue on Comcast’s end. And we’re nearly out of data because my brother has used 13 GB of our 16 GB plan in addition to what my father and I have used, so I can’t stream anything on my phone. Ugggggggh. 

 

Also my father broke his key in the front door today, so there’s something else for me to fix.

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I just ate a cheese sandwich with entirely more cheese than I needed. I want to make another one. 

 

Monday is going to be an absolute shitshow. Someone remind me to wake up during normal people hours and make the phone calls I need to make. 

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3 hours ago, fleaball said:

Monday is going to be an absolute shitshow. Someone remind me to wake up during normal people hours and make the phone calls I need to make. 

 

Wake up during normal people hours and make your calls!

 

But also hopefully get some sleep because you posted this at 3 AM.

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5 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Wake up during normal people hours and make your calls!

 

But also hopefully get some sleep because you posted this at 3 AM.

Phone calls made, although they’ve led nowhere, yay. 

 

Sleep questionable. Because Monday. 

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41 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Who wants to come over and make me pasta as a reward for not punching any family members in the face yet?

As soon as I posted this my father asked if I was ready to help him try to get his broken key out of the lock. 45 minutes later I might actually punch him. 

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After all of the bullshit leading up to today it was fairly anticlimactic. I think I was definitely dreading it for a month and a half and as soon as we actually got to the 12th it didn't matter anymore. Weird, but I'll take it I guess. If my father or brother remembered that it was her anniversary (doubtful) they didn't say anything. So that made it better. 

 

I made my phone calls this morning after giving FK his pill. I didn't want to, but NTB told me to. I called to try to make an appointment with a new GI since the woman who was supposed to call me 2 months ago hasn't called me on her own or returned my calls to her. I thought maybe I could schedule something on my own and maybe that's why she wasn't calling me. Nope. No note or referral or anything in my file saying that dickhead doctor approves my seeing someone else. Awesome. Called the patient advocate woman and left a message about it, never heard back. I have to go to the main hospital on Wednesday after therapy to get blood work done, so I might just find her office and try to figure this out in person. This is beyond ridiculous now. There are other hospitals in the area that I could go to, but they're all on the far side of the city from me and public transportation to get there is basically non-existent. But seriously, I called in January to get an appointment with Dr. Dickhead and his first available was at the end of May, which is obviously the one I took; it's now the middle of August, I asked for a new appointment at the beginning of June and still have nothing. At this rate I'll be lucky if I can see someone before the end of the year. Which is fucking unacceptable. 

 

Since I asked to make an appointment with a specific doctor, the first receptionist I talked to transferred me to that doctor's scheduler to see if maybe she had the approval I needed. Left a message there. That girl actually called me back at the end of the day, didn't say anything about having the approval or otherwise, but said she talked to the doctor who looked at my medical records and said I'm better off seeing someone else because she's not well-versed in fatty liver disease and the other problems I'm having. It seems like her area of expertise is acid reflux and other esophageal issues, which I do have questions about but at this point the liver issue is a bigger concern for me so I didn't push the issue.

 

I have my regularly scheduled dental cleaning in about 12 hours. I'm hoping they can figure out wtf my issue is while they're poking around. I remember when I was in DC and called to make the initial appointment for my eventually root canaled tooth, the guy I talked to asked if I'd eaten popcorn or anything recently because sometimes food gets stuck under your gums and a lot of people think it's something else when it hurts like that. It would be hella gross if that turns out to be my problem this time, but if it solves the problem I'll take it. 

 

On the plus side, I'm really glad I did that random burst of cleaning the other day. I came home from driving last night and was like "whoa, there's so much space here!" I don't think my room will ever be the cozy, relaxing haven that a bedroom should be, but the more I organize and discard shit, the better it feels. With the added bonus of knowing it will be easier to pack everything if I ever manage to get the hell out. 

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I’m fucking livid. I told my father yesterday that I’d be busy all day today and tomorrow so if he wanted a locksmith to come by he’d either have to come home for it or convince my brother to get up. I asked him last night what his plan was and he got pissy and snapped that he didn’t know and he’d have to think about it.  Fine. 

 

Today I didn’t get to sleep til 8am. I had a conversation with him at 6, so he knew I didn’t sleep super well at some point. Just after 11 I get a text asking “are you home? I’m looking up local locksmiths.” He called 5 minutes later. I ignored it because fuck him. He called twice more in the next 3 hours. I still ignored him. He called again right as I was getting in the shower to come to the dentist and asked again if I was home because “I’m trying to get a locksmith but I don’t want to pay double time if they have to come after 4pm.” You get out of work at 2:30 and it’s a 15 minute drive home, fuck you. So he’s super pissy with me. 

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37 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I’m fucking livid. I told my father yesterday that I’d be busy all day today and tomorrow so if he wanted a locksmith to come by he’d either have to come home for it or convince my brother to get up. I asked him last night what his plan was and he got pissy and snapped that he didn’t know and he’d have to think about it.  Fine. 

 

Today I didn’t get to sleep til 8am. I had a conversation with him at 6, so he knew I didn’t sleep super well at some point. Just after 11 I get a text asking “are you home? I’m looking up local locksmiths.” He called 5 minutes later. I ignored it because fuck him. He called twice more in the next 3 hours. I still ignored him. He called again right as I was getting in the shower to come to the dentist and asked again if I was home because “I’m trying to get a locksmith but I don’t want to pay double time if they have to come after 4pm.” You get out of work at 2:30 and it’s a 15 minute drive home, fuck you. So he’s super pissy with me. 

giphy.gif

He's pissy all the time anyway. At least you didn't do anything you didn't want to do.

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I was pleased with myself for my victory this morning, but it was short-lived. Because now he's even more pissy since at some point while I was out a kitchen cabinet decided to detach itself from the ceiling. It's been falling down literally for years and no one ever wanted to do anything about it aside from take out all the heavy dishes and shit and just leave paper plates and napkins etc in there. 

 

I'm so tired of all the problems with this house. I point them out, ask what we can do about them so it doesn't seem like I'm shoving it all on him, sometimes I even do the research and send him links about how to get things fixed or what kind of professional to look for, and then nothing ever happens. But I'm not going to pay my own fucking money to fix things in this house that aren't life or death emergencies. He just doesn't give a shit until it's far too late. Cf. the ridiculous water bill, or even his key breaking in the lock that he's been talking about needing to spray WD-40 on for months.

 

I need him and my brother to get raptured or something. Just literally disappear out of my life, leave me their money and the cats. 

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Conveniently, he’s no longer mad at me because he needs help with his phone. 

 

i want to clean more but both cats are flopped in the middle of my floor. 

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58 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Conveniently, he’s no longer mad at me because he needs help with his phone. 

 

Another important lesson in saying-no-to-the-manchildren-ology: The length of their anger periods will never exceed the time it takes them to need something else.

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Another important lesson in saying-no-to-the-manchildren-ology: The length of their anger periods will never exceed the time it takes them to need something else.

Oh yeah. Learned that one a long time ago. Still pisses me off though.

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I know this might not be possible... I have never dealt with people like that before...
Do you think he would set apart a budget for house repairs and you can manage this shit without him?

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Actual post to come later, but for now I have a gross question for people who adult better then I do. 

 

Apparently one of the furry bastards barfed on the hardwood floor in my room while I was out, and one of the human bastards threw some napkins on it and walked away. It all dried and no one told me so now I have napkins glued to the floor with dried cat barf. How the fuck do I get it off??? I’m not terribly worried about wrecking the floor because it’s already fucked, but my father will throw a fit if it’s super obviously trashed so I don’t want to wreck it too much because I don’t want to deal with him. 

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24 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Apparently one of the furry bastards barfed on the hardwood floor in my room while I was out, and one of the human bastards threw some napkins on it and walked away. It all dried and no one told me so now I have napkins glued to the floor with dried cat barf. How the fuck do I get it off??? I’m not terribly worried about wrecking the floor because it’s already fucked, but my father will throw a fit if it’s super obviously trashed so I don’t want to wreck it too much because I don’t want to deal with him. 

 

Spray it with some strong cleaning spray and let it sit for a few minutes, then use some paper towels to get it off. If it's really bad you could use a sponge with the scrubby bits. It might take a few rounds if it's really on there.

 

My cat used to puke/hairball on the hardwood floor in my room when I was a youth and I was too grossed out to pick it up so there were a lot of spots like that. 

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20 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

I know this might not be possible... I have never dealt with people like that before...
Do you think he would set apart a budget for house repairs and you can manage this shit without him?

Nooope. If he were a normal person who was just bad at adulting, maybe. But for him specifically there's no way this will work. A lot of it is that he doesn't want to spend the money on stuff. He has no problem dropping hundreds of dollars on unnecessary bullshit, but when it comes to intentionally spending a lot of money on things that are totally needed, he drags his feet and makes excuses. (And then winds up paying even more money when the problem gets worse and he never learns.) Like he didn't want to replace one of the two toilets that was constantly running because he's been talking for years about getting our actual bathroom redone but first he wants to put a small shower in the "bathroom" in the cellar so that we have something to use while everything's getting redone. There is zero logic there. But that's how he approaches a lot of house stuff - he knows he should get things fixed, but why spend all the money for it now when he wants to do something different later?

 

Also I don't think this man even knows what a budget is in the first place.

 

5 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Spray it with some strong cleaning spray and let it sit for a few minutes, then use some paper towels to get it off. If it's really bad you could use a sponge with the scrubby bits. It might take a few rounds if it's really on there.

 

My cat used to puke/hairball on the hardwood floor in my room when I was a youth and I was too grossed out to pick it up so there were a lot of spots like that. 

Like just regular Lysol or something? That's do-able. Thanks!

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What a day. 

 

Went to therapy, but was nearly late because lol what is time management. Went to the hospital and wound up being half an hour early for the blood test stuff, so I stopped by the patient advocate office. The lady was available, yay me. She apologized repeatedly for what's happening, said she's actually embarrassed by the way it's been handled (or, you know, not) and she's been in touch with the GI lady on a regular basis and doesn't know why nothing is happening on their end. She validated my parking for me "because that is something I can get done for you, at least" and that was awesome. Went to go meet the research guy who went to the lab with me. Turns out he went to undergrad in the same city I did, although a different school and several years later. So we chatted about that. Phlebotomist calls me, tries my left arm first and can't get a vein. Tries my right arm, finds one, says "ah! now we will have some success!" and points to my tattoo there. Turns out he's from a city in Morocco that was about an hour from the school I studied at. istg I should have bought a lottery ticket today given how things were going. So that was cool. 

 

Went driving after leaving the hospital because I have another bonus. Wound up knocking out half of it in a few hours. During that time my father texts me "are you home tomorrow or do you have to go to the hospital?" I saw I'm home tomorrow but currently driving and can't talk. "ok. how did it go at the hospital today?" I'm driving, I'll talk to you later. :rolleyes: 10 minutes later I'm at a Starbucks to refuel and he fucking calls me. Asks me what we did the other day when taking apart the deadbolt because the HQ for a locksmith company is less than a mile away from our house and they said it'd be like $100 if they came out to us, but $20ish if I just take them the piece with the key stuck inside. So I tell him yes, we took it apart like that before, don't you remember holding the fucking piece for me so I could work on it??? I also asked him if he saw the TWO messages where I said I'm out driving and can't talk. He did. "But this has to get done." :rolleyes: Had I had someone in the car I'd've ignored the call, obviously. So anyway tomorrow morning I have to take the deadbolt apart again and go over to that shop. Never mind that they're open til 5 and he's home by 2:30-3 every day, but whatever. 

 

Then while I was driving, the GI lady finally fucking called me!!! Except I had a passenger at the time and couldn't answer, and by the time I dropped that person off the office was closed. Boo. Made my way home after driving because I told my brother I'd take him to the mall because he needs a new phone and he wanted to try Chik-fil-A to see what all the hype is about. We left the house at 7:30. It takes about a half hour to get there and the mall closes at 9. I'd been trying to get him to leave earlier but whatever. Go to the food court first, he literally makes me stay with him while he orders and waits for his food. Apparently his anxiety is worse than I thought? So then I go order food elsewhere because fuck Chik-fil-A, and it takes forever. I sit down with my food at 8:20 and scarf what would have been a really enjoyable sandwich so we can get to Verizon with enough time. In other circumstances I would have said fuck it, but *I* need him to get a new phone so he stops using all our data. Book it down there, find out the new model of the phone he wants comes out next week. So he doesn't want to get a phone tonight. Fucking kill me. He did apologize for not checking that ahead of time, but christ. What are the fucking odds.

 

And then I came home and had to renew my father's car registration and pay another bill for him online because I just didn't want to hear him bitch about it anymore. And I've just been dicking around on the computer for the past 3 hours since. I wanted to work on another job application but I'm so fucking tired and words are hard. Meh. 

 

Plan for Thursday is to get the stupid door thing done, return shit to Target before traffic builds up, and then finish the other half of my Lyft bonus. Job application might happen if driving doesn't take forever. If not, definitely Friday because I refuse to drive Fridays in the summer. There are beaches both north and south of Boston so highway traffic is infinitely worse than the rest of the week and surface roads get fucked too. 

 

I still haven't done anything about my challenge. Even though I'm not as miserable as last week, the challenge stuff just isn't on my radar. I even have my goals written on a whiteboard directly in my line of sight, and I just don't think about it. Womp.

 

edit: also dentist appointment on Tuesday went well. Somehow I'm apparently taking really good care of my teeth? So that's a good thing. The hygienist said that sometimes shit gets trapped and gross under the implant (it's not 100% tooth shaped and there's a bit of a gap) and can feel like a toothache to a lot of people. So she went hard at that area and it sucked. So far it hasn't hurt nearly as much today though. Still hurting, but meh. I'll keep up with aggressive flossing there and chugging Listerine and hoping it resolves itself. 

 

Now I'm going to break another challenge goal and go stuff my face with pasta at nearly 1am because I'm starving. 

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