Not even started, already feeling down

[Karegdm]

My weight has always been a huge issue in my life. I was really petite during my childhood, gained some kilos over puberty, and have been up and down since then within a reasonable margin. Perhaps it wouldn't be a big deal if my family would just save their opinions. They have been the hardest critiques of them all: they have made me feel really bad being fat as much as being skinny. It's like nothing pleases them and, don't get me wrong, their approval is not my goal, but they don't shut their mouth, so... I moved to Argentina a year ago and it has been difficult. I came alone and emotional ups and downs have been my companions during all this time. Anxiety showed up as never before. I got really sick in November (stomach bacteria) and antibiotics + emotional issues caused a whole series of other stomach problems to the point that, almost 10 months later, I'm still doing all I can to recover my health. When I arrived in Buenos Aires, I was at my ideal weight (48 kilos), I felt comfortable and liked how I looked. I like eating healthy but I was so happy knowing I could have some treats here and there and not putting on. Now, it is a different story... Because of my gut issues, I started seeing a registered dietitian and, in the first appointment, I got to the scale and realized I was now a 53-kilo girl. It is not THAT bad if you look at the numbers, but I felt so, so, so bad because I knew where I was heading to emotionally speaking. This first weigh-in was in April. Yesterday, in the 4th appointment, I had my second weigh-in and the scale showed 56 kilos. I cannot express how bad I felt and feel. I am now almost 10 kilos bigger than I was a year ago and I'm just 1.55 meters, so those 10 kilos (around 5 pounds or so) really show. The saddest part to me is that I just established my first challenge on Monday thinking I was aiming at losing just 5 kilos, not virtually twice that! I now see that I've been fooling myself thinking I was eating "just like before" and feel I just cannot find out how my body wants me to eat to get back in shape. My dietitian tells me I need to focus on healing the gut right now and that stuff but I cannot deny I just want to lose those extra kilos. Is that shallow? I'm having the same obsessive thoughts than when I was a teen and I just feel hopeless. I'm going to start my challenge, though, just that I'm not getting into it in a good mindset.

I know many people are feeling like this right now. Hope things get better for us all!

[Jean]

Hi there,

 

What's important is that you feel good in your body. So, shallow? No, I don't think so.

 

Now, around here, we're set on taking on long term sustainable changes one step at a time in order to become and stay the best self we can be so, a good mindset might be to start your challenge with the goal of reverting your weight evolution and loose weight instead of gaining it. Making it 5 or 10 kg probably won't help too much at this point because it can turn a victory (yay, I'm going in the right direction!) into despair and defeat (What!? Only 3 Kg! I'm sooo slow at it!).

 

Getting into the shape you want will take time (two challenges? Three? A lot more?) but once you'll get there, you'll have set into motion the habits that'll allow you to stay there for the rest of your life (why, yes, I'm an optimist, why do you ask?).

 

I'd listen to the dietetician and focus on building habits instead of scale numbers (tracking calories, eating healthy, practicing whatever kind of exercise you like so that it's easier to do it regularly and sustainably and so on). Things like journaling, gratitude thoughts or meditation may help too with building acceptance toward yourself but we're each different people and different things work for each of us.

 

Be safe, be wild, go for who you want to be!

[Karegdm]

Thanks so much, Jean!

Actually, my first challenge is to improve my body composition, no figures stablished. But, reading at what I posted, I now believe that subconsciously I am setting a number. Your approach is much wiser and healthier. Thanks so very much for your nice words!