[iatetheyeti] Battlemage Vol. II: The Art of Healing

[Mortimer]

Rather belated but how are the new people going around with their training? Will they help cut down your workload some since it seems the place is severely understaffed? 

 

I try to plan my meals a week in advance. There's this keep notes app my BF introduced to me, I'm using it to make a shopping list. It even comes with reminders so your phone will buzz when you're due to go shopping for your groceries. And it's repeatable every week. Like a real list you can tick off those checkboxes as you go along. 

[iatetheyeti]

On 10/30/2019 at 1:09 PM, Mortimer said:

Rather belated but how are the new people going around with their training? Will they help cut down your workload some since it seems the place is severely understaffed? 

 

Oh this place is for sure severely understaffed. Corporate is trying to get more work out of less people and it is not going well at all.

 

But the new starts are very promising. They're both hard workers, they're both quick learners, and they're both willing to get stuck in to things from the get go. But I doubt they'll help cut down my workload all that much considering they're on very small contracts with limited overtime options.

 

On 10/30/2019 at 1:09 PM, Mortimer said:

I try to plan my meals a week in advance. There's this keep notes app my BF introduced to me, I'm using it to make a shopping list. It even comes with reminders so your phone will buzz when you're due to go shopping for your groceries. And it's repeatable every week. Like a real list you can tick off those checkboxes as you go along. 

 

I'm going to try and put together a weekly plan over the next couple of days to help me out. I reckon if I keep it as simple as I can I'm in with a good chance of it working out.

 

[iatetheyeti]

I kind of forgot I had this going for a while there, no great surprise given how things are going at work...

 

Self-care: For today it was most definitely getting away from work early (only by fifteen minutes though, which is nothing after ten and a half hours there...), and right now it's ensuring my flat is well heated and that I've got a hot drink. Later it will be going to bed without setting an alarm for tomorrow morning.

 

Food: Breakfast was not exactly healthy, but what a full Scottish breakfast lacks in diverse nutrients, it makes up for in calories, and those I needed because work was non-stop busy today. Lunch was pretty decent though, the canteen staff made meatloaf and served it with veg, so I had a massive helping of that. Something will happen for dinner, but I need to warm up a bit first. All in all, though, not bad for having replied solely on work canteen food!

 

Fitness: Work was my workout. I've put a temporary damper on things after having a bit of a scare yesterday on the way home, but I feel a lot better even now and will evaluate things properly tomorrow and get things moving again.

 

[iatetheyeti]

What a soggy rest day this was. I did have some plans that involved being outside, but they got postponed until such time as the rain goes away.

 

Self-care: Mostly just rest today, taking the time I need to allow my body to recover and my mind to process everything that's happened over the past handful of days.

 

Food: Things started off well and then sort of... tapered. Concluded with ordering pizza. Not exactly what I'm aiming for, but if I had to pick between ordering pizza or not eating, which were my two options at that point (thanks brain...), I'd go with the pizza. My depression eating habits mostly include not eating, which is more harmful than the occasional pizza.

 

Fitness: Admittedly something of a minimal effort after I twinged my tendinitis. Sometimes working on your mobility can have downsides, and I think it was one step too far for my overworked wrists.

 

[iatetheyeti]

Even soggier rest day today, but that's what full waterproofs are for.

 

Self-care: Really moving along with this prepping for the next few days thing, which is nice (and needed) so I'm hoping it'll take some pressure off for the remainder of the week. I did also remember to buy some vitamin D today, and multivitamins with iron since it was on offer and my nutrition is still bad enough that I'm bound to need a little extra help for the time being. I think the next self-care thing I really need to work on is getting out of bed on time on my days off, because it was late when I eventually got up today and considering that I need an early night for my 4am wake up tomorrow... I'll figure it out.

 

Food: Not so bad eating today, and of that there were two very nicely put together meals that were particularly colourful with various veggies. On the downside my hydration was coffee and only coffee.

 

Fitness: Went for a walk in the rain. Right now we've got late autumn as it should be, wild and unpredictable, plenty of rain, lukewarm temperatures, and a fantastic colour palette. Fiery orange leaves set against a sky full of dark storm clouds? I'm loving this. I'm loving it enough to purposefully go out and get myself thoroughly soaked.

 

[iatetheyeti]

I had every intention of posting here yesterday, but then yesterday actually happened and at the end of it my energy was just gone. Today, so far, has been a little better. I did get up with my alarm and I have done a few essential tasks I needed to do. Now just to update here, head to work, and try not to despair that I'm doing a closing shift onto an open. It's a familiar nightmare...

 

Self-care: I didn't see the sun yesterday, which is definitely a factor in having no energy whatsoever. Nor did I do very well in setting boundaries with the CO. Apparently it's my fault the new starts aren't doing as well as I'd first been told? Wonderful. And which one of us is the department manager again, the one actually responsible for training? No sense beating myself up for that now though, despite what my inner idiot keeps telling me. I spent what little time I had to myself ensuring I ate properly, did something enjoyable, and got to bed at a reasonable time. So I did have some teeny tiny little self-care wins yesterday, despite how it all turned out.

 

Food: Yesterday was surprisingly good. Breakfast was the usual canteen fry-up, lunch was only soup as I was feeling really off (but chunky vegetable soup, fresh made), and on arriving home, dinner was a giant-sized chicken salad. Think half a chicken with a veritable rainbow of veg, plus half an avocado. Got some work to do on balancing things out, but considering how low my mood was I'm genuinely impressed I ate three actual meals. On the downside, my hydration was terrible again. One of these days I will figure out how to eat well and hydrate appropriately at the same time.

 

Fitness: An eleven hour shift counts as extended cardio, right? I did have the intention to do some yoga after work, but as I said, no energy. No willpower. No real drive to do it even though in retrospect I know that it would have taken fifteen minutes tops and I'd have felt better for it. Got to work on that too.

 

 

[iatetheyeti]

A day behind myself again. Once more, intended doing a quick update last night, did not happen.

 

Self-care: Pretty thin on the ground yesterday. Got up at a reasonable time and did some things I needed to do, but self-care went out the window and never came back once I left for work.

 

Food: Also not great. Didn't eat enough, for one thing, especially not for a work day.

 

Fitness: Now this one was something of a success. The day had built-in work cardio, but I also did my leg mobility exercises and this. The former went quite well. No new flexibility breakthroughs, but neither was there pain with the stretches and so far no ridiculous DOMS from them either. The latter... I tried, I really did, but apparently I'm hilariously unbendy still, in spite of my best efforts. I was looking for something that wouldn't put any pressure on my feet as my arthritis has been exceptionally painful the last few days, and found this. I knew it would be a push. I did it anyway. But the results were funny rather than discouraging, and it might be nice to keep this as a monthly sort of test to see how well I'm coming along with the flexibility side of things. Hopefully over time it stops being humorous and starts being impressive!

 

There will be a current day update tonight. I'm only working a half day. No excuses this time.

 

[Mortimer]

Don't worry, I'm not particularly bendy myself. 

 

I had a look at those poses and this was the result:

 

Elbow tuck : Fold and Hold  - Looks simple enough

 

Lock: Fold and hold - eh I can barely touch fingertips on my left hand, my right side totally cannot reach

 

Hands lock and extend – eh never tried it

 

Pigeon pose, ok comfortable enough for me, I could be sitting there happily for a long while

 

Foot tuck and hug – never tried it

 

Forward fold and hold – forget it. I’m not going to be able to reach the floor.

[iatetheyeti]

8 hours ago, Mortimer said:

Lock: Fold and hold - eh I can barely touch fingertips on my left hand, my right side totally cannot reach

 

Pretty sure I was miles away on both sides with this one! My shoulder flexibility has suffered somewhat over the years thanks to injuries, and that hold was just impossible for me...

 

8 hours ago, Mortimer said:

Forward fold and hold – forget it. I’m not going to be able to reach the floor.

 

Heh, yeah, I had the same reaction to that. I couldn't quite get my legs right and in the end I managed an extremely hunched over pose.

 

It'll be interesting to see if I can do any of this any better next month, though I'm guessing I probably won't notice any improvement for a while yet. Flexibility is irritatingly difficult to improve on even without pre-existing injury concerns.

[iatetheyeti]

Seems like I've caught up with myself and I'm hoping to stay caught up.

 

Self-care: I'm floundering on that right now. Anxiety has been incredibly high all day, no idea why, and I'm completely blanking on how to fix it. Right now my mind is refusing to move past the fact that there will be a delivery person in my home at some point between now and 9pm, which may or may not be part of the problem, I have no idea. Either way, once that piece of the problem is over and done with, I do need to figure out a way to calm down before attempting to sleep, otherwise sleep won't happen. Meditation, probably, and maybe reading something reasonably calming or distracting.

 

Food: This was not good. In fact, this was very bad. I only had a short break this morning, being on a half day shift (which, hilariously, is just an hour shy of what the average full work day is here), so I opted for beans on toast as I knew that I would be able to eat a large amount of it in a small amount of time. Not the healthiest, but not entirely awful. That was the high point of the day. On my way out I saw dairy-free ice-cream on offer, so I got a couple of tubs with the intention of sticking them in the back of my freezer, forgetting about them, and being pleasantly surprised at some distant point in the future. Neither tub even saw the freezer. I haven't had a slip up like that in a long time and while I try to keep a 'shit happens, just not too often' kind of attitude about things, I'm actually a little disgusted with myself. I can only conclude I was eating my anxiety. And failed spectacularly. That is definitely not happening tomorrow.

 

Fitness: I reorganised a large freezer, so I got my work cardio and some lifting done. Aside from that and some stretching, nothing much for today at all. I can't get myself to settle for anything. I'll try yoga once the delivery person has been and gone, but I'm not optimistic.

 

Despite being on a closing shift tomorrow I think it's probably a good idea to get up early, mostly to see if I'm still feeling this ridiculously heightened anxiety, and if so what I can do to calm it as best I can before work. And also do some actual exercise before I'm too tired from doing all my work related exercise... That's a balance I'm still trying to get the hang of, but hopefully I will get it at some point soon.

 

[iatetheyeti]

Well, I didn't really do what I set out to do today, but I seem to be over the worst of the mystery anxiety so I'm not too upset by it.

 

Self-care: I had some strange dreams last night and followed that up with waking up at 2:30am, then dealt with hours of doze-wake-doze again and again. And then, instead of getting up and working to improve my mood like I planned, I threw myself a pity party in my bed. On the plus side, I did eventually get up with enough time to eat something before going to work. Tonight my self care has consisted of putting on the heating and actually have a post-work meal despite how late it is because my body needs fuel.

 

Food: It happened. Carb-heavy before going to work, then got canteen leftovers (not going to turn down free food), and now we're back to carbs.

 

Fitness: ...didn't really get anywhere with this today.

 

Luckily I have tomorrow off, and I actually have plans to use it as a day of meal prepping (and housework...). Hopefully it'll give me a push in the right direction, because I seem to be struggling with that right now.

 

[Mortimer]

Just for fun, I ran through the whole lot after the nerd fitness star wars workout. 

 

Tried beginner level for 20 s cos I don't want to sprain anything. 

 

Elbow tuck : Fold and Hold  - no issues

 

Lock: Fold and hold - Barely touched fingertips on my left hand, my right side totally cannot reach. Could do full 20s. 

 

Hands lock and extend – no issues

 

Pigeon pose - no issues

 

Foot tuck and hug – tuck was OK, hug, I don't think I got very close to my face. How close were you supposed to get? 

 

Forward fold and hold – I did manage to to put my palms on the floor(barely) . My body didn't get anywhere near my legs though. 

[iatetheyeti]

17 hours ago, Mortimer said:

Foot tuck and hug – tuck was OK, hug, I don't think I got very close to my face. How close were you supposed to get? 

 

Not sure, picture isn't completely clear, but in my case the answer was also not very close!

 

 

[iatetheyeti]

Self-care: I don't know what to say about this today. On one hand, I did a whole heap of meal prep, I did a lot of housework, and I actually took some time to neaten myself up, but all of that was motivated by me making my best effort to avoid dealing with a mistake I made first thing in the morning. Now, the whole productivity streak was a good thing, of course it was, and I do feel good about getting all of that done. But. On the other hand... Every time I slowed down the negative self-talk came crashing in, the beating myself up and berating myself. I've definitely made a mountain out of what should have been a mole hill, something relatively easy to fix. That's not self care, that's self harm.

 

Food: Continuing with the theme above, really. On the plus side, this was my food prep yield:

Spoiler

 

 

8 x mango and chicken curry

8 x beef, sweet potato, and apple hash

banana bread

salted caramel brownies

weirdly bulbous bread

 

 

And on the negative side, I barely ate anything today. I did end up having a plate of the curry and some rice (followed by a brownie) at about 3pm, but that's been it. That in itself was an effort and the thought of eating anything else has made me feel ill. This is depression eating, no two ways about it, and like the destructive actions against myself spoken about above, this is also harming myself. I need to eat to keep myself going. It is literally an essential to life. Not eating because I feel bad emotionally is incredibly self destructive and that's not something I can allow to continue. There's no excuse. I have these meals prepped, and tomorrow two of them will be consumed. No excuses.

 

Fitness: Is kitchen cardio a thing? I did have plans, but I did not stick to them.

 

 

[iatetheyeti]

Ok, so things are a little better today, for which I am absurdly grateful.

 

Self-care: Getting out of bed was a trail, but I managed to drag myself out an hour after my alarm went off, and that was still enough time for me to have a decent meal before work as well as ensuring all of yesterdays prep was stored and divided up properly. And due to leaving work early, I also have time to eat dinner before getting an early night.

 

Food: So much better today, so much better. I had one of my beef, sweet potato, and apple tubs before work (which was delightful) along with a brownie and copious amounts of coffee, I had a portion of curry at work (though I should have brought either some rice or some bread because I was hungry enough afterwards to devour two chocolate bars, which was not good), and I'm doing a simple veggie pasta as I type. If I can keep this up for the next week, things will be good.

 

Fitness: This is the week where good intentions have come to die, I think. It isn't going to happen today, I know that. Tomorrow, however, I have planned and I will follow through with that plan.

 

[iatetheyeti]

There are times when I think I am legitimately allergic to my workplace, and this is one such time. My body exhibits many weird and wonderful symptoms during my work hours, yet within an hour or so of leaving work they just sort of... vanish... Except the headaches. But that's either stress, blood pressure, dehydration, or a combination of all three.

 

Self-care: I think leaving work early counts as self-care today considering how bad I felt. Started off ok, then things just went downhill. If I didn't know any better I'd have called what I was experiencing flu symptoms, but flu symptoms don't come on suddenly, stay for five hours, then leave. One thing I did do before work was relocate my Motivationalish playlist on Spotify and ensure I listened to it on my commute, both ways. I'd gotten into a bad habit of listening to sad songs and those only set me up for one kind of mood, and it's not one I should be going to work with. Not much else aside from that today. Planning on stretching and meditating before bed.

 

Food: Pretty good. Stuck to my breakfast (my beef/apple/sweet potato mix and a slice of banana bread afterwards), stuck to my lunch (curry and a chunk of brownie for dessert) without being tempted into buying any of the canteen offerings (and I was tempted...), and now I'm sticking to my dinner, which is once again veggie pasta. It's just an easy thing to make at the end of a very, very long day. Hydration wasn't bad today either.

 

Fitness: I had a plan and did not stick to it, but in a better way than usual. I did a leg mobility session, then somehow ended up turning it into leg day and I can just feel the oncoming DOMS. I'll be hobbling tomorrow, most likely, because it's been a while since I've done a proper workout.

 

[iatetheyeti]

Self-care: It really is the little things that are keeping me ticking over right now. Eating proper meals, trying to stay hydrated, getting to bed early, doing what I enjoy, avoiding what I do not. It sounds so simple, but these are all things I regularly struggle with and that I'm somehow managing them with the most inconvenient work schedule is a bright spot in the darkness right now.

 

Food: Almost exactly the same as yesterday. Took my prepped meals in to work (Canteen Mother was very impressed if a little put out that I wasn't going to eat all of her food like usual), stuck to them without getting any junk food, and I've come home and whipped up a quick veggie pasta.

 

Fitness: I came home with the intention of only doing some mobility work. Instead I ended up doing mobility work and circuits. Nothing major, but it did feel good. I'm hesitant to start making plans around this, instead for the time being (probably the remainder of this challenge cycle) I'll listen to my intuition and my body and just sort of go with the flow.

 

[iatetheyeti]

Yesterday ended fairly badly thanks to a certain few events at work, but I didn't let myself spiral completely. I wanted to. I was all set to forsake my plans to eat a reasonable dinner and devour everything unhealthy thing I could buy. But I didn't. I made myself walk past Tesco on the way home, all the while giving myself as much of a pep talk as I could muster in the state that I was in. It kind of worked. I had the reasonably healthy dinner I'd planned even if I didn't feel much better or entirely succeed in stamping out the low mood and accompanying thoughts.

 

Self-care: Fortunately, today has been a lot better. I slept for as long as I needed, I've made an effort to have decent meals, I went for a walk, ran some errands, and tidied myself up a little bit. I'm getting very impatient with my hair right now. Due to my refusal to bleach it to get rid of the blue, I have to let it grow out. And that's a long process. Part of me wants to just shave it all off. But I don't actually want to do that right now.

 

Food: I made myself French toast and beans for a somewhat belated breakfast, followed it up with a lunch of sausages and veg, and managed to default to my usual veggie pasta dinner. I suppose there are worse habits to have, really.

 

Fitness: Did a short yoga session, did some leg mobility work (I'm getting a lot better at touching my toes for longer periods of time), and did a short set of circuits afterwards. I'll probably have to foam roll the hell out of every bit of my thighs tomorrow morning if what I'm feeling now is anything to go by. That'll be fun!

 

[iatetheyeti]

Not entirely sure what today was, but it could have been a disaster. It wasn't. Quite. But we're sure headed that way... We might have lost one of our new starts already, bringing my department almost back to where it was just in time for Retail Christmas. Fun times. We'll see what happens over the next week.

 

Self-care: Had some morning meditation for a change, mostly because I had some horrible anxiety-inducing dreams about particular events and people and all the unpleasant what-ifs. Definitely needed to clear my mind of that, and it mostly worked. I did have a lingering trace of anxiousness throughout the day, but it's better than what it could have been. Also ensure I ate properly before going to work, and that I kept myself hydrated whilst there (and today I even delegated some work to avoid too much stress, which is an unusual occurrence).

 

Food: Back to my beef, sweet potato, and apple breakfast followed by a mango chicken curry lunch followed by some veggie pasta. Once I've firmly entrenched this meal prep thing I'll start playing about to get myself a good nutrient balance, but for now it's a major win that I'm eating regularly and I'm eating reasonable food.

 

Fitness: Work was a workout again... I did think about trying something on returning home, but I'm exhausted. So I'll feast, I'll rest, and I'll make good use of my day off tomorrow.

 

[iatetheyeti]

Today has been an incredibly mixed day, but ultimately with more wins than not. I'm ending it in a good mood, which I'm pleased with.

 

Self-care: I said a couple of days ago I didn't want to cut my hair, but actually I did. I feel so much better for it. It's just over a year since I initially shaved it off after having long hair all of my life, so what better way to celebrate that anniversary than doing it again? Heh, it's not all gone, but what's left won't keep my head very warm this winter! That was a surprisingly major self-care point for me, and quite informative. I know what a year's growth looks like now, and I know that's a shade on the long side for me.

 

Food: This is where today's loss comes in. On one hand I did a pretty good job with food prep for the upcoming week, getting ten portions boxed up. On the other hand my actual intake for today was shockingly low and desperately unhealthy. Distraction can't be an excuse here. I was quite literally in the kitchen all day. I could have taken a little from my prep without really having too much impact on the amount there, I could have whipped up something quick and easy, I could have done a lot. I just didn't. Sometimes it really seems like I just can't win here.

 

Fitness: And we're going back up for a major win. I did a quick squat mobility session from NF Yoga, did a short set of circuits, then decided to go ahead and try for a pistol squat seeing as that's my big fitness goal for this challenge cycle. And I did it! Right leg only, fairly wobbly and not quite as neat and tidy ad I'd like, but it was a pistol squat nonetheless. Couldn't manage to replicate that feat on my left leg, but that's ok. I've made progress. Visible progress. And that's encouraged me more than I would have believed.

 

Regardless of the win, I do need to do some thinking about my eating habits on my days off work. At work it's easy. I take a break, I eat the food I've brought in. At home... not so easy. Either I allow myself to become distracted or I give in to low mood and just don't eat. None of these things is an acceptable option if I actually want to improve my health. I went into this meal prep thing with the idea that I'd cook something fresh on my days off, but perhaps that's not the most sensible option for the time being. Perhaps it's best if I use my prep for every day of the week, removing some of the barriers to actual nutrition.

 

[Mortimer]

Grats on the pistol squat! I'm no where close lol. 

[iatetheyeti]

23 hours ago, Mortimer said:

Grats on the pistol squat! I'm no where close lol. 

 

Thanks! I didn't actually think I was either, so that was a surprise!

 

[iatetheyeti]

It is 0430am,  minus two outside, and I am deeply unhappy about being out of bed and having to go to work. But such is life. Update missed yesterday because of a spectacular energy drain that I think was my consequence from the day before, the one where I barely ate and pushed myself harder than needed. So I'm catching up with myself once again

 

Self-care: Made myself eat proper food. Washed my winter blanket and put it on my bed. Did not devour my entire batch of brownies.

 

Food: Much better yesterday. Beef, sweet potato, and apple for breakfast, beef, garlicky green beans, and roasted pumpkin for lunch (it turns out I'm not a massive fan of pumpkin, but it's not the worst thing I've ever tasted so I'm sticking with it for the next three meals), and the usual veggie pasta for dinner. Plus two brownies. Hydration was incredibly poor and consisted mostly of coffee.

 

Fitness: Work and work alone. I once again had intentions, but was too wiped out to actually follow through with those, which is in itself a lesson in why I shouldn't neglect food at the drop of a hat.

 

[iatetheyeti]

Updating while I have the energy. Yesterday I did not. And missing an update didn't matter too much considering basically nothing got done. Food was good though, that much I do remember.

 

Self-care: Prioritising my limited energy definitely counts as self-care. I've made an effort at working out, am ensuring I get some food, and will definitely be getting an early, early night.

 

Food: Good again today. Falling back on veggie pasta for dinner as I forgot to take a curry portion out of the freezer. Hydration was actually great, two litres gone today.

 

Fitness: Did some leg mobility, then tried to do something resembling a workout. I didn't get far. As soon as I encountered the pain in my left glute I decided it was maybe not the best idea. It doesn't hurt now. It didn't hurt before. Maybe it was just a split squat thing, but it wasn't an ache, it was a sharp pain that quite clearly said Do Not Do That. So I did not do that. In all fairness, I likely could have done something else, but once I stopped my will to go on vanished and dinner sounded like a better option. I'm too tired to argue with myself right now. I'm trying again tomorrow.

 

[iatetheyeti]

Exhausted. But getting on with it regardless. Somehow.

 

Self-care: The past few days have taught me that I, despite my best efforts, do not do well at being kind to myself when I'm tried and stressed. Yesterday in particular was a horror of destructive self talk, feeding into the anxiety loop, and blaming myself for things beyond my control. It led to a very uncomfortable dream last night which in turn did not help me start my day well at all. I know this is a process. I know I'm not going to wake up one day and know I'll never forgo caring for myself again. I know it's difficult. And I know it's worth it. So far today I have given myself time to unwind slowly, to decompress, almost, and allow the accumulated stress to leave (although I could use an actual massage to help with that, my neck is solid). Later on I will do some proper meditation in an effort to calm and clear my mind before going to sleep.

 

Food: Surprisingly enough that's been good today. Had a mince, sweet potato, and apple pot for breakfast, and I have decided that I like this recipe better with mince than I do with diced beef. I've also decided that this is something I always want at least a couple of portions of kicking around in my freezer. Lunch was my last chicken curry and mango portion with a packet of microwave rice. Still making a decision about dinner, but I'll get there soon.

 

Fitness: I didn't want to do anything. It took me a few hours of arguing with myself and convincing the inner idiot that it was actually worthwhile doing even a little. So I did two of the mobility mini sessions from NF Yoga. And it turns out that I can now touch my toes for an extended period of time (I think I held for thirty seconds before changing position). Progress. Another little step towards building the body I want and gaining the skills I want. And on such a tiring day, it's the little things like this that shine through.