• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

iatetheyeti

[iatetheyeti] Battlemage Vol. II: The Art of Healing

Recommended Posts

I hurt everywhere and strongly dislike everything right now. I'm sure it's been longer than a month this time around, which is probably why it took me by surprise. Again.

 

Self-care: I did nothing, and nothing was perhaps the best kind of self-care I could give today. when I say I hurt, I hurt. It isn't usually this bad, but from time to time I do have to just curl up into a ball for a few days and shut out the world until I feel more human. Today is one such day.

 

Food: Fairly awful. One bowl of pasta. An endless line of mugs of cupasoup, hot chocolate, and coffee. My first instinct is to berate myself for this, but first and foremost, something is better than nothing. Also, I feel awful and my body wants what it wants, and right now I'm not going to argue with it. I suppose that's another kind of self-care. I know tomorrow I'll have to be more careful and actually have a proper meal or two, but today is just what it is.

 

Fitness: Nope.

 

  • Like 1
  • Sad 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another Saturday, another meal prep day. It was successful. The only thing successful about today, really.

 

Self-care: I'm in two minds about whether 'stayed in bed for a very long time' counts as self-are. On one hand, I had a very bad night, woke every hour or so, and therefore needed to make up rest somehow. On the other, it's not helpful when I'm trying to get myself into a consistent routine. Tried to take things slowly today as well. I've been rundown and exhausted all day, and though the pain isn't as bad it's still there and very much present.

 

Food: A little better than yesterday, but not much. My food efforts went into meal prep for the week ahead. Plenty of mango and chicken curry, a curried cauliflower soup that may or may not taste like it should given that I deviated from the recipe very early on and didn't bother to go back to it, sweet chilli ribs to use as the base of a quick meal after work (add veg and we're sorted, right?), lots of brownies, and a loaf of bread.

 

Spoiler

tLjOlep-3LJ5we8FENQ-HUPGmwm3RvNuULfX1G0w

 

Not bad, though I do wish I'd been able to make some pretty tubs like I did last week. My beef, pumpkin, and green bean tubs looked really quite good. Though I suppose there's only so much you can do with a tub of curry!

 

Fitness: I am the place where good intentions go to die. That's two in a row, so let's not make it three. I can't physically do anything else tonight, I'm already struggling, but tomorrow, in the morning, before work, that's when I make the change and do the work.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Turns out I'm ill. That's fun.

 

Self-care: Back to basics for a short while, or at least until this has passed. Today it was all about making sure I took care of my personal hygiene (though showering is surprisingly difficult when you can't really breath all that well), that I ate as best I could, and that I will be getting a good amount of sleep. I suspect the next few days will be exactly the same.

 

Food: I'm not sure cupasoup counts as food, but that's what's been happening today. My throat is somewhat swollen, enough so that taking my vitamins this morning was extremely difficult, so I decided that, while I'm not doing much, I'll take the option that's easiest. Tomorrow I'll have no choice but to force the solids down as it's a long work day, but today it was soup, soup, soup, and more soup.

 

Fitness: Somewhat surprisingly, I actually did something. It was a very short mobility session and I ended up doing it with my nose plugged up entirely. Thankfully I live alone, therefore there were no witnesses...

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is proper illness. What joy! I got sent home from work three hours into an eleven hour shift yesterday, which was a new and unusual experience. Although I do feel more functional today, I will absolutely be calling in sick for tomorrow's shift. More functional does not mean able to do eleven hours of moderate labour. Although I know what I need to do this whole experience is incredibly frustrating. I'm unable to continue even the light amount of working out I was doing prior to this, I'm barely able to force down solid food, and I've got the feeling that I'm dancing around the edge of a downward spiral with no clue when the drop is actually going to happen. I just have to keep going and hope for the best.

 

I know a lot of that is this current illness talking. I know a few days of rest and a gradual, sensible return to where I was won't be the end of the world and if anything it may even do me some good. The time off work will certainly do good and aid in both recovery from both this illness and from the acute stress my job causes me anyway.

 

And with my time off, I can plan. Kind of.

 

I made the decision a few months ago that next year would be a recovery year of sorts, one where I absolutely would not race (though I'm not gonna lie, that decision hurt and I've been very much tempted by the fact that the new location for Spartan in Scotland is right on one of the bus routes I use often) and therefore would not subject myself to the kind of competitive environment that had such a negative impact on me. I believe that, if I return to it with the correct mindset, I would thrive in that same environment. It's like working under pressure, and that's something I do very well despite all outward appearances. But if I go back into things with the wrong mindset then I'll have a repeat of this year, and I don't want that at all.

 

What I need in the mean time is a rough plan, more like guidelines, really, that I can follow and lean on to help me stay on the path I want to be on.

 

I've got the bigger picture in my head. I've got the image of where I want to be at the end of next year, of who and how I want to be. I've also got the start of this next journey, what I know I need to be doing to kick things off. What I don't know is how to link the start and end together, and I suppose I don't really need to know in any great depth right now. i just need to know where the path is, so to speak. Maybe pick out some sights to see along the way. But nothing set in stone. If I do that, that's when I start edging into unhealthy competitiveness with myself, and that's when I start causing myself all manner of problems.

 

It does make proper planning a little tricky...

 

But I do need to learn to listen to my body and my intuition. If I don't, I end up in the situation I'm in now.

 

I'll figure it out somehow. I don't really know how, but at the moment that's part of the appeal. I will get to that end image in my mind, and there's no reason the journey itself cannot be as rewarding as the end result.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I'm officially on sick leave now? Maybe? All it took was one horrifying 57 second phone call.

 

Self-care: Took it very slow today, but didn't just lounge around. Not entirely by choice, I have to get the place clean and tidy for tomorrow because the rental agency is coming for an inspection in the morning and because I forgot I am very unprepared. The difficult part with all of this is that now that I can't do things, of course I want to. And that's frustrating.

 

Food: Plague rations still. Lots of soup. Some pasta. I'm definitely a little concerned about that, but I'm limited in choice right now.

 

Fitness: The tidying effort is counting purely because it's getting me up and moving. Can't really do anything else fitness wise. I could go for a walk, but do I want to go for a walk in the rain when I'm already ill? Well, yes, but the sensible answer would be no.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very quiet kind of sick day today.

 

Self-care: Funnily enough, self-care has come in the form of gaming today. Earlier in the day I felt entirely too restless and stressed, so I channelled that into the original Doom and Doom II (considered 3, decided I wasn't in the mood for new school Doom). When I calmed down somewhat and still felt restless, I decided on Oblivion and my battlemage save. We're still early days on that one and I've got plenty there to keep me occupied in a more constructive way than blasting apart demons.

 

Food: Getting better. Moving away from soups and back onto solids. Still need to up my intake before I go back to work, but I think I'm on the right track.

 

Fitness: Actually, yes. I did a very brief yoga session earlier, and when I was taking my stress out on Doom/Doom II I decided to put in a one kill = one rep feature. Shotgun Guys/Imps were squats as there are a great many of those and squats are the least tiring thing for me to do right now, demons and spectres were push ups, a cacodemon or pain elemental down meant ten seconds of plank, and a hell knight was a pistol attempt (three tries, none successful today). It was good fun, and a good way to make sure I didn't spend all that time sitting and stagnating. I'm pretty wiped out now though, which is kind of funny and kind of frustrating at the same time.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Mortimer said:

Seriously that's a very creative way on getting your exercise in on what appears to be a couch potato day. My hats off to you for that one =D

 

It's good fun :D And if I was better at the games themselves (my lack of coordination does not lend itself to these kinds of things but I enjoy them nonetheless) pretty good workout! As it is, it's a good way to break up what would otherwise be long periods of time sat hunched over and staring at the TV.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Self-care: I've been trying to keep myself relaxed and stress free in the run up to my return to work (and the phone call I'll have to make beforehand to confirm that I am indeed returning to work). Mostly it's involved playing Oblivion.

 

Food: I am eating mostly normally again, but I can't pretend I wasn't hit with weird cravings and I certainly can't pretend I haven't eaten an entire block of cheese (vegan cheese, I'm not stupid enough to ingest anything dairy so soon after being ill!). But on the whole I'm almost back to normal.

 

Fitness: Yes! Started off with some mobility and a very short yoga session, then did some circuits that about floored me. Nothing strenuous, but more than I've done all week. Slight step backwards noticeable (although I can still do a forward fold and touch the floor for a few seconds), but nothing getting back into a routine won't fix. On the whole I'm feeling more optimistic than I have done in a while.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Apparently I forgot about this again...

 

Self-care: Forced myself into doing basic personal hygiene tasks, which is always equal parts amusing and horrifying. Being a grown person means I really should be capable of such basic things, but I am not really a grown and functional person, and I need to keep reminding myself that sometimes this is just what depression does. No need to shame or berate myself over it. Fortunately my other main self-care point today was baking a fresh batch of brownies.

 

Food: Not all that bad, all things considered. Had a large lunch of sausage and roast veggies that doubled as exceptionally late breakfast, snacked on veggies throughout the day (and managed to devour an entire cucumber while I was at it, which is amusing), and had my standard fallback of veggie pasta for dinner. Plus a fresh brownie for dessert.

 

Fitness: A short walk and mobility today. Had very noticeable stiffness that needed working out. It's probably something to do with finally being back at work, oversleeping, and the cold spell we've been having. Either way, more movement is needed.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Self-care: There was a short while during work today that I thought things might take a turn for the more self-destructive. Long story short, some jokes were made about my indifference to Christmas and my spending it alone constantly, most of which were fine and I encouraged, but one of which was basically that it's because no one loves me, and that hurt. And it hurt because it's actually true, not that it's really something I like thinking about. My family situation is what we'll call Not Ideal and never in living memory has a family member told me they love me (or acted like it, really). Nor has anyone else that I recall. Now, on one hand I try to keep reminding myself that it ultimately doesn't matter, that what matters is that I find a way to make peace with myself. And hey, some people like me, which is a comfort and far better than being entirely unliked as well. On the other hand I have no clue what love feels like and do actually want to know. And that was circling around in my head as I worked. I did manage to talk myself down to a reasonable, somewhat rational standpoint, and I know that the co-worker who made the joke didn't mean it to be so hurtful, and really still has no idea it was. So, funnily enough, my major self-care act for today was reassuring myself that caring for myself is a fine and wonderful thing and I don't need to rely on other people to do it.

 

Food: Much food today. Breakfast took a slightly wrong turn when I decided I didn't want my prepped meal and instead ate a carby feast from the staff canteen. Lunch, however, stayed on track. And I either had two dinners or a two course dinner plus a brownie dessert. I was furiously hungry and am still quite peckish, but I'm not eating anything else because I want to go to bed at a reasonable time and need to digest. Still, a big appetite is usually a good sign for me.

 

Fitness: Just the eleven hour work shift and some mobility for today. Arthritis was playing up and complained throughout the first half, but I took it reasonably easy and applied plenty of Deep Heat afterwards. Things seem alright now.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, darkfoxx said:

Woof. That’s a big ole pile of not-fun on your emotional plate, but it sounds like your coping mechanisms really helped. Good going! 

 

Oh it is so much not-fun, but thankfully it's a subject I've had plenty of practice dealing with, and it's actually a massive relief to know that I am moving in the right direction as far as coping mechanisms go and that they do work when needed.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Self-care: I think not letting the mood I woke up in ruin my day counts as self-care. Unpleasant dreams last night, though I can't say I'm surprised. But I managed to work through it and by the time my second cup of coffee was gone I was feeling better and even managed to hop into the shower without needing to fight myself too much.

 

Food: Could have been better. Lunch and dinner were actual meals, but there was a lot of grazing going on and that, I've found, doesn't help matters. So until I've got a handle on what I'm eating in actual meals, I want to cut that out entirely. So far, not much success.

 

Fitness: Mobility and a walk today. I did intend to do some circuits but I got a sudden case of hitting the wall, which usually only happens to me at work. Strange, but I have been ill recently, so nothing I'm worrying about.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have this thing for a reason. I need to remember to use it.

 

Self-care: Mostly just trying to keep myself afloat and functional right now. Had a major anxiety event that's spread to every aspect of my life and I don't want to be living like that, so I'm trying to be kind to myself, but also firm. Things need doing, after all.

 

Food: Good food day today. Skipped on a work breakfast and instead feasted on meatballs and veg, lunch was chicken and mango curry with rice, and a brownie piece for dessert, and dinner was burger with as much salad as I could fit onto the plate (two corn cobs, a small mountain of spinach, a third of a cucumber, a handful of cherry tomatoes, a hard boiled egg, and a few other odds and ends), and there will be a couple of slices of banana bread for dessert. At some point I am going to have to start tracking calories to ensure that I am actually eating enough as well as eating the right kinds of things, because I spend most of my time hungry.

 

Fitness: Just some mobility work today. Plus a ten hour work shift.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Self-care: Pretty much just going slow today, doing what I needed and wanted when I could, with no pressure.

 

Food: Good and bad. Bad in the sense that I didn't eat until mid-afternoon because of poor planning, and good because I've eaten decent stuff today. Plenty of veggies too, which has ever been a problem for me. Seems like I'm on the way to fixing it though.

 

Fitness: Lots of walking, some mobility. Did intend to do a workout today, but that has not happened.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Self-care: Honestly, really not much of that today.

 

Food: Did quite well with this one today. Meatballs and veg for breakfast, curry for lunch, and a burger and veg for dinner. Plus a couple of brownies.

 

Fitness: Mobility. That's it.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.