Novaurora Will Not Bow Down to her Vices

[Novaurora]

“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen.  Henry David Thoreau

 

So, I am taking this quote a little seriously this month because last challenge, I tried to do way too much and got burned out way too fast.  My biggest problem is a cyclical cycle of procrastinate, get overwhelmed, get anxious, shut down, rebound into crazy energy gotta get shit done mode, burnout.  Repeat.  So this challenge is really about strengthening my systems I already have im place by looking at the bigger picture (the whole week) and giving myself permission to adjust and change and adapt.

 

And if quoting a transcendentalist wasn't enough nerdiness for you, I came up with an acronym for my challenge

 

S: Schedule it out

I: Initiate activities instead of avoiding them

M: Make time for things you enjoy

P: Prepare Prepare Prepare

L: Let things go when they don’t work out

I: Improve the plan when it isn’t working

C: Cut down on the mindless scrolling and binging 

I: Increase my sleep so I'm not tired all the time

T: Talk about what’s bothering you before it’s a big deal

Y: Yield to your body and don’t overdo it.

 

So, what does this look like in actionable items?

 

S: Every WEEK sit down with planner and look at what you have going on.  Set short term goals, and from there create:

1. Meal plans (batch breakfasy, bento lunch, healthy dinners that feature a veggie)

2. Grading Schedule (spread the madness so I don't get overwhelmed)

3. To do lists (cleaning, workouts, weekly engagements, etc)

 

I: Take care of any tasks right after I get home from work

• Do the hardest thing first

• Use forest app (grow 20 trees before the end of the challenge)

 

M: Schedule 30 minutes of you time every day

• Read

• Write

• Color

 

P: Use Sunday as a day to..

• Meal Prep

• Create schedules

and evenings as the time to...

• Have everything set up for workouts

• Pack lunch and school bag

 

L: If we start to get anxious about stuff

• Identify toxic thoughts using moodspace

• Reflect and focus on improvement through journalling

• Focus on what people are actually saying, not what my anxiety thinks they are saying

• Breathe, and remember I am an imperfect human like everyone else

 

I: After reflection, take action by

• Changing the schedule

• Rearrange things

• Approach the issue from a different angle

 

C: Actually follow the set limits of your phone tracking app instead of clicking “ignore” every time.

1. 1 hour social media time per day

2. 1 or 2 shows (if everything is done)

 

I: Get in bed by 9:30 every night.  No ifs, ands or buts

• No phone in the bed (plug it in on the dresser)

 

T: Don’t let things fester inside

• Communicate daily with hubs

• Attend therapy for me and us

 

Y: Pay attention to what the body is saying and only give it what it needs

• No extra sugar (coffee creamer and 1 snack a day)

• Cut down on caffeine (1 cup of coffee per day)

• Take a nap

• Etc

 

[Sloth the Enduring]

So... schedule things and do them?

Following.

[Novaurora]

9 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

So... schedule things and do them?

Following.

You say this like it is simple to do.  ha

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Following.

[Sloth the Enduring]

You say this like it is simple to do.  ha

 

Just making sure I had the Tl;dr correct.

 

There’s simple and there’s easy. Scheduling and doing is far beyond my skill set. I’m hoping to learn something here.

[Novaurora]

35 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

 

Just making sure I had the Tl;dr correct.

 

There’s simple and there’s easy. Scheduling and doing is far beyond my skill set. I’m hoping to learn something here.

Thus far is has evaded me...but I am improving.  Here's hoping we both learn something.  Ha.

[Novaurora]

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Just making sure I had the Tl;dr correct.

I'll start adding them.  Lol.  My terrifying verbosity knows no bounds.

[Salinger]

Great challenge Nova... here to follow and support you xx

[deftona]

Here to watch your simpleness! 

[Novaurora]

9 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following.

Welcome!  Hope you, Sra. Tanque, and Little Bit are all doing well!

 

8 hours ago, Salinger said:

Great challenge Nova... here to follow and support you xx

Thanks!!  Back atcha!!

 

3 hours ago, deftona said:

Here to watch your simpleness! 

You and me both.  Ha.

 

Morning all!!  Hopefully you've all got that 0 week hype on!! I do!!

 

So, technically my challenge started yesterday, but only kind of.  I was out most of the day doing "basic bitch" things at a pumpkin patch with friends (picture in spoiler because of size)

Spoiler

 

So, I got home at 7, but still managed to get my weekly list of things written out and make my grading schedule (the real key to my success, ha).  Right now it is A LOT because I got sick right after I collected essays and then I had journals and one page responses due, plus regular assignments...so, I'm starting this challenge a bit in the hole, but that's what a schedule is for.  I did make a decent dent this weekend. I graded 11 essays and 18 assignments (I did stations last week which means I collected 16 assignments in one day  ).   So, I could have been much worse off coming into this week.

Spoiler

 

I did get up and workout this morning, which is more than I can say for the last two weeks.  Woop woop.  Not much more to report here, to be honest.  New challenge here we go!

[shaar]

YESSSSS PUMPKINS!!!

 

Also yessss new challenge go!!  I'm glad to see you mindfully taking a look at what needs to be done, and making it work for YOU! <3

[TGP]

I LOVE The Acronym!

 

I love the distinction between simple and easy.  improving may be "simple" but its NOT easy.

I'm following your challenge all the way til the end.

 

[JuiceeTarget]

Very nice challenge!

[Novaurora]

On 10/21/2019 at 4:53 PM, GoodDoug said:

Very nice challenge!

Thanks

 

On 10/21/2019 at 12:29 PM, TGP said:

I LOVE The Acronym!

 

I love the distinction between simple and easy.  improving may be "simple" but its NOT easy.

I'm following your challenge all the way til the end.

Thanks for your support.  I appreciate it

 

So, life has changed a bit.  Okayokayokayokay a lot.  I'm only kind of okay right now.  And by kind of okay, I mean I took the day off work because I just could not with the children today.  Yesterday, hubs and I discussed a trial separation and decided it was in our best interest to give each other some space.  He is really depressed and can't really pull out of it while also being surrounded by the ups and downs of trying to make this work every single day when nothing feels like it is changing.  I mean, I agreed, I get it, but that doesn't make it suck less.  He went camping for a few days, but when he gets back, we are going to lay down ground rules for communication, we will continue going to therapy, and hopefully this will be the break we need and not the beginning of the end.  I am going to spend today getting caught up and trying to frame this in a positive way and let it be a time for me to work on me as well.

 

The important thing is that I can't let myself fall apart.  I need to keep moving forward.  I can't think of this as the beginning of the end, I can't give into the fear that I am going to end up alone and that I'm not relationship material because of my mental health, I can't let this stop me from doing my best for me.

 

I want this to be good for us and those thoughts will not help.  I'm not sure if this is going to change my challenge.  I guess we will see.

[Salinger]

I’m sorry nova. You are incredible, strong, beautiful, funny, kind and all the things that make the world a better place. 

 

You are certainly relationship material - who isn’t ?! We all are in are crazy ways I suppose ...

 

this isnt the end. A trial apart may be good for you both!! Time to assess what is best for YOU. 

 

Sending you masses of love - I’m proud of you always xx

[TGP]

wow. tough!

 

yes, time and emotional spent to get to a better place is worth all the effort you can give it.

 

but huge valient effort is likely ahead of you fellow ranger!

 

you have all the support you can imagine and more.  I think the acronym fits even better than it did given recent developments.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

That stinks. I hope everything works out.

[JuiceeTarget]

We are here for you in however you want to be here.

 

2 hours ago, Novaurora said:

I can't think of this as the beginning of the end,

True, but you can think of it as a beginning. “It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

I hope that you can trust that wherever this "adventure" takes you it is where you are meant to be. I am really hopeful you can make it work together, you both deserve to be happy. And hopefully the space will give you perspective.

[shaar]

2 hours ago, Novaurora said:

I can't think of this as the beginning of the end, I can't give into the fear that I am going to end up alone

 

I kinda wanna highlight this bit... and I feel like I've been playing Devil's Advocate on a LOT OF PEOPLE'S THREADS LATELY (sorry friends i love you all so much) and I know that this is scary because for the longest longest longest time this was MY biggest fear, too.  Like, paralyzing fear.  Like, I remember laying in bed some nights unable to fall asleep because I kept thinking this over and over, what will I do if I end up alone, I just couldn't bear to think about it happening.......

 

And I worked real hard to stave off the beginning of the end, but the end came, and I'm alone.  But you know, once the dust settled and I was able to look around at my life with fresh eyes... it was fine.  It was actually better than fine.  It's wild for me to think that right now, at 39, I'm pretty much living my best life that I've been able to live so far, and I'm doing it alone.  BUT I'M NOT ALONE YOU KNOW, and neither are you, I'm grateful to have so many friends and family, and you do too!  No matter what you're NEVER alone, just look around you at the connections you've created and you'll be just fine.

 

I know my experiences are not yours, but I think what I'm trying to get across here is - it's ok to be scared, but don't let it live with you for too long.  Do your best 100% but don't let your efforts be fueled by fear because it's a reckless emotion and will never take you where you need to be.  And do your best but please remember in situations like this, it's a 50/50 split and the end result will not always be up to you when others are involved.  You are strong and kind and resourceful, and no matter what happens,

 

you will be just fine.  Promise.

<3

[Elastigirl]

So sorry. You are worthy of a relationship. You are kind, smart, and have worked hard at improving yourself and the relationship. Yes, I am sure  you have flaws. But we all do. That's part of a relationship, learning how to love your partner, even though your partner (like you) has flaws

[The Most Loathed]

3 hours ago, Novaurora said:

Yesterday, hubs and I discussed a trial separation...

Hang in there. I recently went through a bit of this sort of stuff. You'll make it. It will suck some days but you'll make it. 

[deftona]

I really hope this trial separation works as a way to reset everything and to help you both realise what it is you both need going forward. I hope whatever happens, you both get to a place where you're ok with whatever you choose going forward. 

 

We're all here for you, Nova. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

I’m sorry. I hope everything works out for the best.

[Novaurora]

Thanks guys.  I wish I had the energy to respond to you all individually because I truly appreciate the support and love and encouragement.  It's so great to have you guys because I'm really not ready to tell anyone else.  It's embarrassing and I feel like a failure.. Even though I know both of those feelings are irrational 

 

Today was okay.  I held it together a lot better than I did last night (there was lots of scream crying after his abrupt exit while I was trying to lesson plan for the sub).  I did a good job distracting myself with school work and other stuff.  A friend met me and we had a great time at music trivia for dinner and drinks.

 

Then I came home.  I'm going to have to get more hobbies or start taking classes because the empty house is the enemy.  And it's literally like the dumbest shit.  Like I started crying because I forgot to turn the bedroom fan on because he always does that.  And I just cant sleep because it's too quiet because he always snores or I can hear his keyboard across the hall when he stays up late playing games.  Not seeing his truck in front of the house had me choking up.  Literally.  The stupidest tiniest most trivial shit and I just cant get a grip. 

 

I am going back to work tomorrow mostly so I get away from this stupid house.  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Hey, your feelings might be "irrational" but they are still valid. You are feeling them, and they are normal to feel. You are having a normal reaction to a not normal situation. Thaose tears aren't just about the fan. The fan is a reminder of the situation. Your tears are a result of being in a sad situation. Sad people cry.

 

It all sucks. I'm sorry you are having to go through it.