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Salinger's twenty sixth challenge!


Salinger

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Hello and welcome to my TWENTY SIXTH challenge. 

 

Been thinking about my goals a bit, i tend to do the same ones and kind of fail each challenge. Maybe i need to rethink how i do this? Or is sticking with the same goals, until i get it right, the way to go!?

 

I think my main goals this time will be determined by life moving forward. Had a scare recently with my liver results being a worry... had bloods done last week and the docs are keeping an eye on my liver. I do drink too much alcohol so need to watch it.

 

Im not exercising at all ... really a big problem actually. Im massively overweight, im unfit, im weak...all the things i HATE about myself. Yeah yeah, i say it needs to change every challenge but for some reason its tough. 

 

Ok Ok ...

 

giphy.gif

 

 

Right, enough. 

 

*GOALS*

 

 

  • Cut down on alcohol consumption. No booze at home. 
  • Self Care. Read more, meditate more, wash more, naps if needed, TAKE MEDS DAILY. 
  • Get a haircut before 1st November.
  • Go for ONE hike. 
  • Eat better. Veggies/salad at LEAST once per DAY. 
  • Snack less. There is no need for that extra biscuit. 
  • Drink more water. TWO glasses per day.
  • Keep on top of work, emails etc. Take breaks. 

 

This month has a few stressful things in it actually, im going to the Lakes for my dads 60th on 2nd November...im worried about it because of the walking we will be doing and i am ashamed that i cant keep up. I also feel very self aware when with my family, of being so fat. :(

 

Anyway. Im sure it will be ok. 

 

Also, i got the letter whilst away, to fill in forms for my benefits assessment. Currently scared to death over it. Need to send that in this week. 

 

OK....lets try to do my best, have some fun along the way and be a better person. 

 

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Hey all. its 2.45AM haha 

 

Im up and drinking tea. I got home around 7.30pm yesterday and crashed out early. Ill go back to bed later on for a while, im sure. Was craving a cup of tea though so got up :)

 

As you can see, new challenges up...feeling sort of apprehensive about this one, mainly due to a few things happening throughout it. (money situation, dads bday trip etc) 

 

I need to relax more, accept myself more etc. 

 

I will drink my tea, and write up my diary for the week...want to go for a walk, go to the cinema, do work, get a food shop ETC. Also try to chill out a bit more this week too. 

 

My housemate wants to 'talk' later, im scared :(  and anxious as hell about it. What if he wants me to move out?? 

 

Anyway. I want to plan my diet out more. I never know what to have for lunches...any ideas give me a shout :) xx

  • Like 1
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18 minutes ago, Salinger said:

need to relax more, accept myself more etc. 

You and me both.  It's so dang hard, but we got this.

 

19 minutes ago, Salinger said:

My housemate wants to 'talk' later, im scared

I hate when people do this.  Do not give my anxiety time to fill in the blanks.  If you have some thing to say, please just say it.  Now.  Hopefully it's nothing bad!!

 

20 minutes ago, Salinger said:

have for lunches...any ideas give me a shout :) xx

So, I just started the mix and match bento lunches last week and I love them.  I choose 1 fruit, 1 veggie, 1 protein, 1 dairy, and 1 carb per day.  I usually have two different options per week that I swap between.  

 

For example: last week I had grapes or strawberries, cucumber or carrots, boiled eggs or turkey, cheese stick or spreadable Swiss (rolled up in the turkey) and pasta salad or goldfish.  I also had hummus or guac for dipping.  It came out to 550ish calories per serving and was easy prep.

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“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck

“Do I dare disturb the universe?” – T.S. Eliot

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” – Toni Morrison

"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us" JRR Tolkien

 

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Would it help if i nagged a bit...

 

4 hours ago, Salinger said:

OK....lets try to do my best, have some fun along the way and be a better person. 

 

OK...lets get this thing sorted out RIGHT FROM THE START, the only one you need to be a better person to is yourself!

 

You are a fantastic person, so [bold part] is not needed!

 

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor got that gif

  • Like 4

... a little odd in the head ...

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1 hour ago, Mr_Willes said:

Would it help if i nagged a bit...

 

 

OK...lets get this thing sorted out RIGHT FROM THE START, the only one you need to be a better person to is yourself!

 

You are a fantastic person, so [bold part] is not needed!

 

 

 

aww thank you man ... I know i slip up with the self hate stuff ... ill make sure i try harder to be kinder to myself. Thanks for the reminder <3 xx

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4 hours ago, Novaurora said:

 

So, I just started the mix and match bento lunches last week and I love them.  I choose 1 fruit, 1 veggie, 1 protein, 1 dairy, and 1 carb per day.  I usually have two different options per week that I swap between.  

 

For example: last week I had grapes or strawberries, cucumber or carrots, boiled eggs or turkey, cheese stick or spreadable Swiss (rolled up in the turkey) and pasta salad or goldfish.  I also had hummus or guac for dipping.  It came out to 550ish calories per serving and was easy prep.

 

Thanks Nova....this is a good idea. Will also google easy lunch ideas...i just dont tend to eat lunch, which generally leads to snacking when i get hungry later on. Diet is probably 80% fine, its just that i barely move with my general work so im piling on pounds constantly :(

 

Ill maybe go back to tracking... xx

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How about starting small?  Every hour, do a thing.  Have stairs?  Go up & down X number of times (or until your heart rates goes up a bit). Or walk around the outside of the house X times.  Or do X squats, pushups, crunches etc.  You don’t need a gym, or to leave the house to get started.

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Hello again!

not much time to talk- but I wanted to quickly assure you that I'm following your awesome efforts at good physical and mental health.

 

Goals are tricky. I've been wondering about mine too?

 

it def doesn't seem to helpful to make ones that I don't do Over and over again

however; trying to do something Hard- consistently- is very helpful!

 

you tend to make small progress that is Nevertheless as Much as you can do.

 

whats the expression?  "aim for the moon for if you miss you will land among the stars"

 

either way I felt kind of inspired by my last post to Aramis and would say similar things to yourself.

(You are NOT the sum total of your negative emotions, etc)

 

be kind to yourself, and hang in there.  when I have more time I will catch up a little.

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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3 minutes ago, Rinna said:

How about starting small?  Every hour, do a thing.  Have stairs?  Go up & down X number of times (or until your heart rates goes up a bit). Or walk around the outside of the house X times.  Or do X squats, pushups, crunches etc.  You don’t need a gym, or to leave the house to get started.

 

well said! 

that's good too.  but I've just GOT to know.  what happened to the personal trainer?  I remember you were doing something 2x a week for a while??

 

was that too hard and/or did something happen.

 

I'm kind of guessing that kind of thing MIght be pretty expensive.  

 

my bodywork routine (it was actually a fitness class) crashed Now 9 months ago and I've been struggling to get it back and failing at that for quite a while now.

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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HI SAL <3333

 

I'm glad to see you here!!  I admire you because no matter what you've got going on or whatever your fiendish brain tells you (that are LIES you know) that you always persist, no matter what~

 

giphy.gif

 

You can do ALL OF THESE THINGS <33

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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3 hours ago, TGP said:

 

be kind to yourself, and hang in there.  when I have more time I will catch up a little.

 

Thanks Jason xx

 

3 hours ago, TGP said:

but I've just GOT to know.  what happened to the personal trainer?  I remember you were doing something 2x a week for a while??

 

was that too hard and/or did something happen.

 

 

Nothing has happened, i have just not really been in Manchester, or too bloody busy to find time when we have both got free hour. On the days i could do it, Matt wasnt free or was fully booked up etc. Plus yes right now i dont have the money to pay him (even though he was giving me a big discount) :( xx

 

2 hours ago, Cheetah said:

Happy Challenge!

 

Thank you xx

 

1 hour ago, shaar said:

HI SAL <3333

 

I'm glad to see you here!!  I admire you because no matter what you've got going on or whatever your fiendish brain tells you (that are LIES you know) that you always persist, no matter what~

 

 

 

Thank you Shaar. I certainly dont feel i deserve to be admired today. But thanks a lot. You are always so kind to me. xx

 

 

________________________

 

Today has been scary. Im suicidal, or getting close to it. I want to self harm. I havent cut myself for a long time, yet today...im ashamed to say the urge is there. 

 

This morning i realised my rent was due yesterday. Due to the past week being so intense/busy, i lost track of what date it was. I checked my bank to pay, and ive had another bank charge (overdraft charge) and a pay day loan has taken their interest, almost £200. They told me last month but i forgot. And didnt plan for it. 

 

So im £300 short for rent, due yesterday, already late. My housemate is DEFINITELY angry (understandably) and we have a talk later and i can not cope. I really cant. I think im going to have a nervous breakdown. 

 

Im so fucking busy with work, yet i have no money. Im getting rejections for funding and i cant keep doing this. Putting every bit of my being into this work, to be rejected when i need help from others. What im doing is important, i know that. But i cant keep doing it with no financial security or reward. I feel sick. 

 

The stress of waiting for funding decisions, only to be let down is taking its toll. I have a permanent headache. My liver is fucked. Im destroying my body. 

 

I dont know what to do, perhaps im over reacting? Maybe it will be ok next week...but right now in this moment its really not ok. 

 

I have spent most of the day sobbing and sleeping. Ive had nightmares whilst asleep and been waking up scared and freezing cold. 

 

I fucking HATE that once again my challenge descends into misery but fuck it, i try to tell the truth and not lie about things. Im just boring i know that. 

 

Im worried about my dad dying and i cant stop myself throwing up at the worry of that. A deep panic that wont go away. A lump inside my throat. 

 

Thats all i can say. I just needed to write it down. Im sorry i cant be more cheerful and helpful for you all. I really want to be able to come here and say - yes everything is great, i worked out, i ate well, i drank my water blah blah. 

 

Thanks for reading xx

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wow

I can feel your anxiety

 

1st center yourself this is really REALLY hard and any way of getting through this day is wonderful!

 

I'm not sure if this is helpful... but I'll give it a go point to point

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

Today has been scary. Im suicidal, or getting close to it. I want to self harm. I havent cut myself for a long time, yet today...im ashamed to say the urge is there. 

 

wow. scary. we LOVE you though and I want to MOST want to say. Don't do it!  other days will be much better/happier. I promise!

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

 

This morning i realised my rent was due yesterday. Due to the past week being so intense/busy, i lost track of what date it was. I checked my bank to pay, and ive had another bank charge (overdraft charge) and a pay day loan has taken their interest, almost £200. They told me last month but i forgot. And didnt plan for it. 

 

So im £300 short for rent, due yesterday, already late.

 

this happens and while Not good. isn't the end of the world.  money is in the bank, right?  pay up as soon as you can.  its better to leave something else go and take care of something like this, espacially with a room-mate that needs you to do your part. Speaking of that...

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

So im £300 short for rent, due yesterday, already late. My housemate is DEFINITELY angry (understandably) and we have a talk later and i can not cope. I really cant. I think im going to have a nervous breakdown. 

 

Please Don't anticipate his reaction.  this guy knows you and knows how you try really hard to stay above water.  I got to believe that he will act as nicely as he can.

if he gets you GRIEF tell him you gotta a whole international gang of mobs/tough guys to can his junk if he loses perspective.  seriously say JUST THAT.

ha.

yay- really though don't make it worse by allowing a demon to speak THROUGH his voice. 

sometimes people come through and are kind and empathetic in moments like these..... NEXT....

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

Im so fucking busy with work, yet i have no money. Im getting rejections for funding and i cant keep doing this. Putting every bit of my being into this work, to be rejected when i need help from others. What im doing is important, i know that. But i cant keep doing it with no financial security or reward. I feel sick. 

 

yeah, money.  Money sucks.

we are exactly privy to all your financials; but I think you Are over-reacting here.

 

certainly Art is a little risky.  the gig economy is to cling onto fierce competition for limited grants and funding, yes.

 

so your doing wonderful- but you're going to have to be brave and get a LOT of no's for the yes's that you need.  You CAN keep doing that and we believe in you.  remember what I said about london. its wonderful that you can make it work there; but you're going to have to try all kinds of places to draw enough income to make this work.

and You have!  you've been to venice,etc.  your doing wonderfully.  remember your victories.

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

The stress of waiting for funding decisions, only to be let down is taking its toll. I have a permanent headache. My liver is fucked. Im destroying my body. 

 

 

Stress is hard; another demon Right there!  don't let youself down too much, by Not getting too overoptimistic over anything.  sometimes things work and things don't.  No one thiing is a make and break and SOMETHING will help you continue ON.

 

the Liver thing is NOT something to add to that list.   you went a couple dry days when you wanted some Right!?  thats a huge win and your liver thanks you.

your NOT destroying your body.

 

don't let the demons wind you up!  oh and moving to that.....

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

I dont know what to do, perhaps im over reacting? Maybe it will be ok next week...but right now in this moment its really not ok. 

 

I have spent most of the day sobbing and sleeping. Ive had nightmares whilst asleep and been waking up scared and freezing cold. 

 

I fucking HATE that once again my challenge descends into misery but fuck it, i try to tell the truth and not lie about things. Im just boring i know that. 

 

 

YES But Don't let that demon win either. its Totally OK to have a panicky moment/hour/half day under such a stressful situation.  

 

I'm sad that sobbing and having nightmares and we all feel for your suffering.  but Please Do continue to tell us the truth, no matter how negative they feel.

 

IMHO when I write that Negativity is a demon; you never win just by hating it.  you've got to wait it out, bear it, and try to fight back with what thoughts you can.

we know those are going to seem sad and inadequate.  but time will pass and things will be better.

 

I'm not exactly here on solid ground; I'm not a therapist.  but I believe in you and know you can handle this.

 

you've reached out to the right place and have all the support (and more!) that you can imagine.

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

Thats all i can say. I just needed to write it down. Im sorry i cant be more cheerful and helpful for you all. I really want to be able to come here and say - yes everything is great, i worked out, i ate well, i drank my water blah blah. 

 

Thanks for reading xx

 

that would be (frankly) a little boring and if very thick; a little unbelieveable.

Nobody just does EVERYTHING perfect, do they?

 

even NF guys that are REally cool and have it all together still admit to the less-then-perfect day and the moments they fall short,etc.

 

I would say that Everyone HERE and writing is usually doing so; cause they are falling short of their goals- not doing what they hope to do, and are looking for a support group to (hopefully) do more and be healhier.

...

I don't always know how I  come across.  do I come across as braggy?  

remember my persona is skip- that clutzy lad that gets beat up in bars and does little right.  thats how my timid efforts feel when I lay them out here

 

but... idk.  on the other hand; I have good moments too and enjoy what I sometimes manage to do and like the nerdy planning on how to double down on my fitness particularly.

 

its all in the spirit of NOT judging and total support for each other as people striving to get over challenges and be healthy.   Your part of that Club!

cuz I know you have some real demons to battle.

 

that you do what you do- is amazing, awesome and wonderful.

 

unfortunately, some orcs exist in the world as it IS and it can be a tough social fight to have other people see your genius.

 

so lean on OUR vision of you.

 

NOW... please Self-love yourself a little.  is there anything you can do to make today go a little better.

 

and this 'talk' with stu when is it happening?  I wish we could intercede a little and tell him to behave.  but I still feel he prolly will for your sake.

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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PS hopefully that big response isn't over the top

 

my kids all claim I go ON and ON and ON.

 

PPS.  forgot to mention you DAD.  he Loves you.  try Not to allow the demons to add THAT to your bad day.

 

tell THEM (the demons ofc) that I think  its a little mean for THEM to use him to hurt you. hope you understand what I mean.

 

---

as  a dad myself I would hate my difficulties to burden the lives of my kids.   (on the other hand, I'm real enough to Know that this happens).

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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Here we go! If I may make a suggestion given my recent lapse into "Too Much Ranger Brain™" try and focus and see if you can gain momentum on one thing that will help you then gain some excellent momentum on the other things.

 

You've got this, and you have a great cheering squad here.

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18 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hello and welcome to my TWENTY SIXTH challenge. 

 

Been thinking about my goals a bit, i tend to do the same ones and kind of fail each challenge. Maybe i need to rethink how i do this? Or is sticking with the same goals, until i get it right, the way to go!?

 

I think my main goals this time will be determined by life moving forward. Had a scare recently with my liver results being a worry... had bloods done last week and the docs are keeping an eye on my liver. I do drink too much alcohol so need to watch it.

 

Im not exercising at all ... really a big problem actually. Im massively overweight, im unfit, im weak...all the things i HATE about myself. Yeah yeah, i say it needs to change every challenge but for some reason its tough. 

 

Ok Ok ...

 

giphy.gif

 

 

Right, enough. 

 

*GOALS*

 

 

  • Cut down on alcohol consumption. No booze at home. 
  • Self Care. Read more, meditate more, wash more, naps if needed, TAKE MEDS DAILY. 
  • Get a haircut before 1st November.
  • Go for two hikes. 
  • Start to get back to the gym (once a week is a start)
  • Eat better. Veggies/salad at LEAST once per meal. 
  • Snack less. There is no need for that extra biscuit. 
  • Drink more water. Four glasses per day.
  • Keep on top of work, emails etc. Take breaks. 

 

This month has a few stressful things in it actually, im going to the Lakes for my dads 60th on 2nd November...im worried about it because of the walking we will be doing and i am ashamed that i cant keep up. I also feel very self aware when with my family, of being so fat. :(

 

Anyway. Im sure it will be ok. 

 

Also, i got the letter whilst away, to fill in forms for my benefits assessment. Currently scared to death over it. Need to send that in this week. 

 

OK....lets try to do my best, have some fun along the way and be a better person. 

 

giphy.gif

 

(to be discussed; WHEN YOUR FEELING BETTER...)

by the way; can I recommend

ONE hike for the 5 week challenge; 2 glasses of water a day and  veggies/salad lunch & dinner.  (isn't it harder to do that at breakfast?)....

 

why? well

 

I have a feeling you're making your goals too hard again.

 

it might not help; to give yourself goals that you don't make or come close to.

 

when You have a little time and feel Better (too....)

 

I retract my question about the gym coach.  Thats ok.  it clearly didn't pan out.

instead, for the future.  what do you want to DO in the gym?  what is doable for you??  what do you like doing?  if you can answer that; when will you next try to do it and whats the NEXT date after that-  if things interfere...

 

everything in exercise is in the consistency of it.  Just doing the TINIEST little thing is SO helpful if you do it regularly.

but from our POV; we don't know you currently do.

we do know somedays are really, REALLY hard.  (they are for many of us)

 

and THATS why I'm chiming back again on the goals.  your really ought to allow for rough days and goals that are Almost being done.

 

FOR EXAMPLE if you tell yourself 4 glasses of water in a day (on monday) and don't get anything but juice in the morning and a little brew at a gig- You'll feel terrible! and suddenly, you've canned your whole motivation.

 

similarly, if a morning is rough- by the time afternoon comes you think , there's Not enough TIME for 4 glasses of water...

 

all this is unneccesary mind games.  your body Doen't NEED 4 glasses of water.

it might need MORE water, yes.

and I'm sure it would be healthier.

 

only you can say where you stand with "motivation" but when your feeling Better; do Talk about your goals a little.

do you figure they are right?

feel free to amend and improvise.

 

PPPS.  I've been a (honestly) tiny bit worried about you.  so in the next few hours, if you can, is it getting a little better.  feel free to PM if you want.

 

I love this place!  but its Not quite "close" and personal enough when people need a little extra support.

 

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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Jason, thank you for such a long and detailed post to me. You have helped me somewhat. Keep calm. Sorry for worrying you all. I mean, i AM worried. About my mood, my frame of mind. I keep bursting into tears. Im exhausted. I was physically sick from stress. 

 

But i do feel slightly calmer right now. I mean, im still frantic, panic etc but less so. 

 

Me and Ste, havent had THE TALK. He went to his room... i think he knows i couldnt do it tonight. Maybe he was giving me some space? He told me NOT to get a pay day loan. 

 

I feel like a failure. Crazy failure. 

 

My friend who i was chatting to, suggested i start a ko-fi page. Get some help for the work i do. ... Maybe?! Ugh i dont know. Is it begging? I hate that. But artists and writers are using this a lot.... https://ko-fi.com/lizzbrady

 

What do you think?

 

Anyway. I have to try SOMETHING!?

 

My friend said i should go to A&E but i cant bring myself to go.... drink tea, chat to you guys and friends. Try not to self harm. 

xx

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1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Try not to self harm. 

xx

 

Please don't.

 

I believe in you very much, ok? I love you, we all love you. <3

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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5 hours ago, shaar said:

 

Please don't.

 

I believe in you very much, ok? I love you, we all love you. <3

 

Shaar, thank you. I made it through the night, without SHing. Phew. Its hard to explain the sensation. Thanks for being there xx

 

 

4 hours ago, TGP said:

Ty 

yes do NOT get a pay day loan.

 

if you can pass the time,it's a win.

 

thanx for letting me know and I will talk later...

 

Look forward to chatting later. Thanks so much for your support last night xx

 

 

_____________________

 

 

Morning. Its 5.45am  - i slept 'ok' but woke around 4.30 and couldnt get back to sleep so i have got up and made a tea. 

 

Wow, yesterday was unbelievably scary. When i think of the day/night, it is as if i was very drunk. Memory is blurred and im unsure what i did and didnt do....what is reality. Does that make sense? Like, I was numb. Horrible sensation to go through. 

 

I do feel slightly better this morning. Maybe im still half asleep and when i wake properly and think about all the stuff going on, i will revert to type. But ill try my best to stay vigilant and aware of my emotions. 

 

I have already taken my medication for the day. I will try to get a doctors appointment for this week as well. 

 

Obviously, my rent is not paid, my finances are still horrific, that hasnt changed since yesterday. BUT three people have donated a bit on my art support page. Thats nice and i appreciate that support. Picked me up a little. 

 

Regarding rent, i will need to discuss it with Ste :( im scared and anxious. But i have to. He is working today, so it will have to wait till tonight. *sigh* maybe he will say i must move out? But i wont project my insecurities onto him. I just hate putting him into these positions, it must be tough for him too...to be my LANDLORD not my friend. 

 

Its so cold this morning. brrrrrr and quiet. So so quiet. Jackson is on the arm of the sofa, sleeping. Jules is probably in Ste's room. I should cherish this moment of peace. 

 

My friend told me to try and write a gratitude list when i am suicidal. Should i? OK i will try. 

  • I am grateful for my cats, cuddling them and hearing them purr in happiness. 
  • I am grateful for cups of tea, warming my body.
  • I am grateful for the thought of discovering new music, books, films that will inspire me in the future. 
  • I am grateful for the sea and how it calms me down. (I must visit the coast soon) 
  • I am grateful for my friends and how they show me love, no matter what. 

Struggling to think of more, but these seem the most important ones right now anyway. I will try to add to it as i go along...it does help a bit to think of these. 

 

Looking at my diary i do have quite a bit to do...its hard to motivate myself but ill try to get through some list as the day progresses. xx

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7 hours ago, TGP said:

 

(to be discussed; WHEN YOUR FEELING BETTER...)

by the way; can I recommend

ONE hike for the 5 week challenge; 2 glasses of water a day and  veggies/salad lunch & dinner.  (isn't it harder to do that at breakfast?)....

 

why? well

 

I have a feeling you're making your goals too hard again.

 

it might not help; to give yourself goals that you don't make or come close to.

 

 

Edited the goals, thanks for the suggestion, it makes good sense. 

 

7 hours ago, TGP said:

 

I retract my question about the gym coach.  Thats ok.  it clearly didn't pan out.

instead, for the future.  what do you want to DO in the gym?  what is doable for you??  what do you like doing?  if you can answer that; when will you next try to do it and whats the NEXT date after that-  if things interfere...

 

 

If and when my finances become better, i will see Matt (the PT) again. It was helping. He is great and i miss hanging out with him!

 

In regards to what i want.... i think thats the problem ... im unsure. I want to do everything. Obviously ranger brain. But i think its overwhelming me? I want to like running, im unsure if i do, because i cant do it....!! I want to hike, i want to be strong and lift, i want to do boxing, i want to play football, i want to play tennis. 

 

All this feels impossible right now due to my size, my weakness, my horrific fitness. 

 

Thanks again for all your encouragement <3 xx

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Oh crap, you had a really hard time. I'm so happy you did manage to go through this mess victorious. I know there are obstacles ahead, byt you already beat some of them, so beating others is only matter of time :) 

I LOVE your gratitude list. Doing this when you are down and numb is sooooo powerful.

And cats! Did you know it is scientifically proven that petting a cat reduces stress and lowers blood pressure?

 

There are people way better in giving good advice, so I'll just stay here in the corner, crossing my fingers and cheering for you. We all love you Liz! 

 

55 minutes ago, Salinger said:

im unsure. I want to do everything.

Turn off your Ranger Brain. Pick ONE activity and start doing it. Others will come with time. 

  • Like 1

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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3 minutes ago, aramis said:

Oh crap, you had a really hard time. I'm so happy you did manage to go through this mess victorious. I know there are obstacles ahead, byt you already beat some of them, so beating others is only matter of time :) 

I LOVE your gratitude list. Doing this when you are down and numb is sooooo powerful.

And cats! Did you know it is scientifically proven that petting a cat reduces stress and lowers blood pressure?

 

There are people way better in giving good advice, so I'll just stay here in the corner, crossing my fingers and cheering for you. We all love you Liz! 

 

 

Thank you Aramis, still a long way to go to get through this but im trying hard. The suicidal urges arent there this morning, thankfully.

 

Yes important to do a gratitude list, ill do more. 

 

Thats so great about cats, they definitely do help me. Im looking at Jackson now, his little feet haha so cute. 

 

You always give me good advice! Love you too Aramis <3 glad you are here xx

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ok. wow, I hear the difference.

wonderful.

 

glad to hear that those feelings are past.  

 

I'm not sure i have advise, per se.

but you've already done some awesome things.

 

is there a date when you get a new chunk of money and the rent is resolved? 

 

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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