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Salinger

Salinger's twenty sixth challenge!

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Hi it’s 3:20pm - I drove to the vets and got Jackson’s flea stuff. Will give it him later. Now I’m back in bed. But at least I got something done?!

 

Duno what to do really. Lying in bed crying on and off. Jess (my friend) is now wondering if she can afford deposit and months rent upfront to move ... so I may have to look alone, and meet some random person :(  im stressing cos I will have to be reassessed for benefits once I do move . And it can take ages and I’ll be without income whilst that happens?!

 

what then? I NEED DESPERATELY the arts funding...

 

im kind of hungry. Barely eaten. I’ll try to cook something in a bit. 

 

x

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I understand

one step at a time, right?

 

you've got to collect up money so you can make the leap.  surely Jess knows that doing it together means more money available etc for the leap.

 

the trick is now, you guys gotta have a little patience.  your in this squeeze at least partially cuz your out of money.

 

you need time to collect it up.

 

i'm glad that your still in good terms with stu, but you can't just MOVE!

friend or not, he's got to give you time.

 

legally you have rights to 84 days.

 

Do eat. I don't think its as bad as you think.

----

I also don't think you should go in with a random person.  that seems too risky. IMHO.

----

 

try NOT to worry about the reassessment; make it clear Why you need benefits NOW- you just spent two days crying and very very stressed.

 

Rule#1  you gotta survive (and NOT self harm yourself)

Rule#2  One problem at a time.  (not every worry is a current problem)... big problem? don't look far ahead. it doesn't help.  some things may happen but other better things will too....

 

Question:

when does the reassessment happen?

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19 hours ago, TGP said:

 

this is where, shaar's superior wisdom is much better than my own.  (it was very wonderfully expressed).

 

 

I think the beauty of this site - one of them at least! - is that we get to see EVERYONE'S wisdom expressed collectively at times like this!  We've all been through different crap and have taken things from it, and we're able to dispense our thoughts from our own different perspectives, which rocks when it's so hard to get out of your own head!  While my esoteric brainthoughts may have been helpful, you sat down and did the nitty gritty research - 84 days, all the legality bits, yadda yadda (see where I fall short?? hahaha)

 

So don't sell yourself short - collectively we are AWESOME!!

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

afford deposit and months rent upfront to move

 

This is why moving sucks... people all like OH JUST MOVE uhhhh yeah, you really think I have a few thousand sitting around for first, last, and security deposit?? Cripes on a bike it sucks, and can take a lot of planning...

 

Sending you <3 today!!

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My Father in Law prefers to rent to people on benefits as he knows they have a more stable income than not. Hopefully you can find one of those.

 

I know the thing that helped me with my depression when it was at its worst was to do one thing. Rather than try and tell myself to stop being depressed (which didn't work at all, turns out) I told myself that I had to do something even if I was depressed. Pick one thing and say to yourself, "I need to do this thing, yes I am depressed, but I'll just have to get it done while depressed and feeling miserable." That helped me, as I found myself getting things done and then started feeling better.

I know that what worked for me, and I know what worked for me won't work for everyone, but my attitude at the time was, "I'm going to be depressed anyways, might as well get something done."

 

We are all pulling for you.

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1 hour ago, TGP said:

 

----

I also don't think you should go in with a random person.  that seems too risky. IMHO.

 

Hey Jason. 

 

Its not really that risky actually, the past three people i have lived with, were strangers at first. I use a site called Spare Room (google it!) I guess we must trust people?! I duno. I just feel like its my only option right now?? 

 

Wish i could...but i think its too expensive to live alone!

 

1 hour ago, TGP said:

 

try NOT to worry about the reassessment; make it clear Why you need benefits NOW- you just spent two days crying and very very stressed.

 

Rule#1  you gotta survive (and NOT self harm yourself)

Rule#2  One problem at a time.  (not every worry is a current problem)... big problem? don't look far ahead. it doesn't help.  some things may happen but other better things will too....

 

Question:

when does the reassessment happen?

 

I need to fill out the forms, send them back, they will go through them, then write to tell me about the assessment date. I dont have it yet, i havent filled out the forms...i havent even thought about it, too stressful. 

 

But when i move, ill definitely have to be reassessed... which is a worry. Say i move into a new place, i then need to let the council know i have moved....what if they stop my money (100% they do whilst the council assess stuff) Ill maybe have a month or TWO....without income. 

 

IF the funding for arts is accepted, ill be 'ok' but if its not accepted....im screwed. Im just trying to work it out. xx

 

46 minutes ago, shaar said:

 

This is why moving sucks... people all like OH JUST MOVE uhhhh yeah, you really think I have a few thousand sitting around for first, last, and security deposit?? Cripes on a bike it sucks, and can take a lot of planning...

 

Sending you <3 today!!

 

Yes exactly! Its a big fucking thing and costs a lot... and right now im skint. 

 

Thanks for the love xx

 

33 minutes ago, GoodDoug said:

My Father in Law prefers to rent to people on benefits as he knows they have a more stable income than not. Hopefully you can find one of those.

 

I know the thing that helped me with my depression when it was at its worst was to do one thing. Rather than try and tell myself to stop being depressed (which didn't work at all, turns out) I told myself that I had to do something even if I was depressed. Pick one thing and say to yourself, "I need to do this thing, yes I am depressed, but I'll just have to get it done while depressed and feeling miserable." That helped me, as I found myself getting things done and then started feeling better.

I know that what worked for me, and I know what worked for me won't work for everyone, but my attitude at the time was, "I'm going to be depressed anyways, might as well get something done."

 

We are all pulling for you.

 

Can i rent off your FIL??? hahah

 

Thanks thats good advice, in fact i did the thing i wanted to do today (go get Jacksons flea stuff) i also had some soup for lunch. 

 

Thanks a lot Doug xx

 

 

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Hey all. 6pm almost. Writing here is helping, sorry for so much posting!!

 

I slept a bit. I listened to The Cramps...i stroked Jacks, I ate some soup. I now made a cup of tea.... and im thinking of what i could make later for dinner. Prob tuna salad again. easy and healthy so at least im not killing myself over unhealthy foods. 

 

Ive contacted a few places regarding renting off them. One was a really nice house but he was alergic to cats :(

 

I feel like im messaging then cant stop checking emails to see if they get back to me!!! I hate the panic, the rush, the competition to find a place before someone else does!!!!

 

House rent prices have also increased since last year, everywhere is much more, like £50/80 more. I suppose this means, i must stay home less once i move. Spend LESS. 

 

God i need my funding to come through. I wonder if the people who decide know that they have such a life changing decision in their hands?? Probably not. 

 

My friend in Edinburgh messaged me to see if i was ok. We spoke  a bit , i might drive to see her soon. In fact i will, maybe next week ... its a 4 hour drive. I miss her. 

 

xx

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ok, I stand corrected about the bit of renting with people you don't know. if you got a system that you can trust....

 

i'm glad to see you've got people checking in on you.  Awesome!  I think , you need a break from the darkness that has haunted you.  and maybe a halloween that is not scary but fun.

...

I see your working on the situation.  thats Good!

I like the tone.

 

---

I still reiterate the bit of handling one thing at a time.

 

During my extreme hiking days*, I felt a great analogy between a hard hike and other hard kinds of problems and difficulties.

 

if you look too far ahead with your mind and think of ALL the obstacles you face; you soon feel overcome.

but sometimes; in hiking- things just get Very hard.

 

you've got a bad blister! your backpack is killing you!!  even OMG what the Flip am I??

 

I HAD to keep it small and worry Less about things further "down the trail."

 

I don't know how realistic it is too tell you NOT to worry about things; I know worry is very hard to stop (and I've already written of the difficulty of dealing with feelings).  but I can SAY with some experience that if you can get over the next little bit; then the next (etc)... things change.  in hiking perhaps you figure out where you are; or your really hard hill is overcome.  Tough times pass that can leave you in a more positive mental place.

 

Hiking ... and running too... can be a matter of just Enduring things and dealing with physical discomfort, for Long term, slow self-improvement.

 

I went through THAT with the 100mile walk.  IN no way did I Master that kind of challenge; instead I did terribly!  I got lost, didn't sleep and was Way too slow for nearly the whole thing! but I hung with it and got to the end and I'll forever be proud of my accomplishment.  I can brag that I did NO better for the last half-marathon; being near the last of a huge group of 77.

 

alas that Life sometimes doesn't give people credit for overcoming HUGE challenges.  People Don't give credit for enduring the difficulty of bipolar (as an example) and all you get is some NHS lackey wanting to take away needful mental health support.  (please let me hate on HIM, at least!...)

 

thats why we are here.

 

we are a rebellion to the normal "rules" of society and a great admirer of people that do wonderfully handling huge burdens.

I am and will always be your admirer; watching you deal with those heavy burdens.

 

feel free to write frequently,  sincerely Jason

 

(*warning; personal experiences that might not be useful are coming.  they are IMHO but use my advise only if it seems helpful)

 

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Finally caught up ... I'm so sorry all these upheavals are happening all at once, and I echo the excellent advice that the others have given: Please aggressively prioritize self-care during this time, as much as you can. That may mean sleeping enough, eating enough, gentle exercise, meditating or reading positive thoughts, taking your meds, loving on Jackson, getting help making your packing plans, asking for help finding a place to live - whatever makes you feel grounded, supported, and cared for during this time, that's what you need to be doing. Some things won't get done right now and that's fine. Exercise may not be a priority. Food may be "junk" or less healthy than usual. Meditation may be less helpful for you than browsing packing plans on Pinterest. But that's okay. Please don't beat yourself up, shame yourself, yell at yourself or do any of the things you would never, never do to us in the same situation. Remember that the care and encouragement you always show to us is what we want you to show yourself. And of course, we're all here for you, rooting for you and never too far away.

 

You will get through this. It will suck. It will hurt. It will be scary. And then? You will be past it. You'll be settled in your new home, you'll know what's happening with your benefits, you'll know what's happening with your dad. This period is finite; the change and turbulence isn't permanent. It has an ending.  :) 

 

Feel free to vent here as much as you need to. That's what this space is for. You won't scare us, bore us or drive us away. That's not how the Ranger family works.  ;) 

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Hi guys, thanks a lot for messages last night. Appreciate it a lot. 

 

Last night was kind of strange. Ste (my landlord) asked if i wanted to go to a pub quiz with him. So i did. He bought me a few drinks...we didnt really discuss me having to move out. But it was kinda nice, normal really... 

 

I do feel a bit better today as well. Still very stressed with money and with having to leave this place, im confused about where to go etc but the urge to self harm has gone. PHEW. 

 

My good friend has invited me to hers for homemade chilli tonight, so ill drive there in a few hours. Be nice to see her. x

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5 hours ago, Salinger said:

the urge to self harm has gone

That alone is a great news! 

 

Enjoy the chilli, enjoy your friend's company, hold to those good emotions :) You will sort all this mess out. Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually it all will fall it it's place. 

We are happy you feel better :D

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6 hours ago, Salinger said:

Last night was kind of strange. Ste (my landlord) asked if i wanted to go to a pub quiz with him. So i did. He bought me a few drinks...we didnt really discuss me having to move out. But it was kinda nice, normal really... 

 

He probably (hopefully) realizes how stressful this is... I'm glad it was a nice time!  A thoughtful gesture! ^_^

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3 hours ago, aramis said:

That alone is a great news! 

 

Enjoy the chilli, enjoy your friend's company, hold to those good emotions :) You will sort all this mess out. Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually it all will fall it it's place. 

We are happy you feel better :D

 

I had a nice time, drove too, so i didnt drink. The chili was tasty and the chat was good :) 

 

And thanks, i hope so... xx

 

2 hours ago, shaar said:

 

He probably (hopefully) realizes how stressful this is... I'm glad it was a nice time!  A thoughtful gesture! ^_^

 

Maybe yes. Thoughtful, yep!

 

xx

 

 

_________________________

 

 

Hey all. 11.15pm. Got home around an hour ago, like i said to Aramis, i drove to my friends, around 20 mins away, so i wouldnt drink. We had a lovely meal, very tasty!

 

Just had a cup of tea. Trying not to let the night demons in, when its night i tend to overthink. No one has gotten back to me about houses etc :( stress. Ill try to sleep soon and try again tomorrow x

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I'm so sorry I haven't been around all this week for you, but I see that @TGP and others have been holding it down.  I can't give any better advice than you've already been given, but I am sending ALL THE LOVE!!!  HUGHUGHUG

 

giphy.gif

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4 hours ago, Novaurora said:

I'm so sorry I haven't been around all this week for you, but I see that @TGP and others have been holding it down.  I can't give any better advice than you've already been given, but I am sending ALL THE LOVE!!!  HUGHUGHUG

 

 

 

Thank you Nova, yes TGP was a saver for me :) and others of course. Love my family here....xx

 

 

______________

 

 

Hey all. So i met Jess my friend (i know her because she goes out with my friend Billy) ... we get on well. We met for coffee and discussed the option of finding a place together. Im in two minds, its so different living with someone isnt it...but i suppose it isnt forever and will be fine. I dont have long to find a place and i get on with her so....

 

We are going to look for a two bedroom place. I have found a nice one, but looks 'too good to be true' sort of. Its right in town, it looks great from photos, but its also mega cheap hahha something must be wrong with it?! Ive emailed to see if we can look this week. 

 

Not much else out there but we have time. I suppose just have to check each day. I hate this waiting for something though, stresses me out massively. I just want to KNOW where ill be living. 

 

I drove to town, so i wouldnt have alcohol. Good decision...its pouring with rain as well today, horrible weather. 

 

Ive got a cup of tea, lit some candles and put the fire on. Now i need to do some work :(

 

xx

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Sounds it's slowly getting calm. Good to hear that. 

Sometimes "too good to be true" is really good, don't scratch it off tle list just because you suspect something. Go and check it, but be suspicious anyway :ph34r: - check for skeletons in the closet and roadworks outside the windows.

 

Hugs!

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yeah, looks very good to me Liz

ofc, making these huge changes aren't going to be FUN.

 

the weather is no good HERE too... and often I feel it tug at my mood too.

 

I think it will turn out for the best.

 

whats happening Next in your life; are there gigs,etc planned?

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10 hours ago, aramis said:

Sounds it's slowly getting calm. Good to hear that. 

Sometimes "too good to be true" is really good, don't scratch it off tle list just because you suspect something. Go and check it, but be suspicious anyway :ph34r: - check for skeletons in the closet and roadworks outside the windows.

 

Hugs!

 

Thank you Aramis. Yes ive asked if i can view the place, so just waiting for him to get back to me...and i may be viewing another one on Sunday. xx

 

10 hours ago, TGP said:

yeah, looks very good to me Liz

ofc, making these huge changes aren't going to be FUN.

 

the weather is no good HERE too... and often I feel it tug at my mood too.

 

I think it will turn out for the best.

 

whats happening Next in your life; are there gigs,etc planned?

 

Thanks TGP <3 

 

Next? Yes stuff planned. 

 

- 2nd November - Dads 60th in Lake District for two nights

- 7th November - Meeting in Nottingham (gallery)

- 15th November - Exhibition in Blackpool

- 21st November - Exhibition in Nottingham

- November/December - MOVE HOUSE

- December - Christmas 

- New year....plan for MASSIVE exhibition in Middlesbrough. 

 

These are main things booked in so far. xx

 

 

___________________________

 

 

Morning all. 8am here. Im listening to David Thomas Broughton, drinking tea, waiting for the rugby world cup semi final!! England v New Zealand eeeek  should be a great game :) starts at 9am! Not sure we will win it really...but fingers crossed. 

 

Slept kinda crap last night, got a bit of ear ache and was stressing out about stuff. I hate waiting for emails, and at the moment im waiting for funding decisions and replies about houses...

 

Its horrendous weather still...rain rain rain. But tomorrow it will brighten up for a few days apparently. 

 

I have the beginnings of a sore throat...annoying and i cant get ill. So will take my vitamins and hope it keeps away!

 

So today, rugby at 9am, footy at 12.30, again at 3, and again at 5.30!!!!I will chill out, do some work whilst watching, listen to music, apply for houses, send my application for travel grant, nap if i want. Should be an ok day i hope. 

 

x

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Hey Liz! You sound way better now :) Even with stressful thoughts, I feel you are getting the hang of things.  

Ear ache and sore throat may be connected - this might be your cold coming back. Take some anti-inflammatory/painkiller pills (ibuprofen or something) to stop the condition from spreading. 

 

Is New Zealand the guys who perform Haka before games? That looks fantastic :) 

 

You have quite packed plans, try not to overwork with all those exhibitions. And hug your Dad from us.

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, aramis said:

Hey Liz! You sound way better now :) Even with stressful thoughts, I feel you are getting the hang of things.  

Ear ache and sore throat may be connected - this might be your cold coming back. Take some anti-inflammatory/painkiller pills (ibuprofen or something) to stop the condition from spreading. 

 

Is New Zealand the guys who perform Haka before games? That looks fantastic :) 

 

You have quite packed plans, try not to overwork with all those exhibitions. And hug your Dad from us.

 

Hugs!

 

Thank you. I will take some pills yes!

 

Yep NZ do the Haka...its cool but i hate it today ;)

 

England are playing amazing and winning!!!!! Great game so far. 30 mins to go. 

 

Ill try to have relax time too yeah...and will hug my dad for you all xx

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Checking in to say I'm just real proud of you for soldiering on and getting shit done despite everything that's going on. You're so frickin' cool~ ^______^ 

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Reading your thread is heartbreaking, but your strength through it is beautiful. I admire your determination to stick to work you find meaningful. Especially as I am someone who let those same stressors and insecurities quickly drive me into a 9-5 that is definitely a far cry from meaningful. Keep your chin up, you are stronger than you think you are.

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23 hours ago, shaar said:

Checking in to say I'm just real proud of you for soldiering on and getting shit done despite everything that's going on. You're so frickin' cool~ ^______^ 

 

Well thank you very much! Cool? oh no hahaha :P

 

xx

 

8 hours ago, Aquarii said:

Reading your thread is heartbreaking, but your strength through it is beautiful. I admire your determination to stick to work you find meaningful. Especially as I am someone who let those same stressors and insecurities quickly drive me into a 9-5 that is definitely a far cry from meaningful. Keep your chin up, you are stronger than you think you are.

 

Hey Aquarii, thank you so much thats so kind. <3 really happy to see you in my thread ! xx

 

_________________________

 

 

Hey all. 11.15am Last night i went to a house party, my friend bought some booze as i have no money...it was nice to get out and see friends. 

 

However....my friend who i was going to be living with, i just dont think i should live with her...basically its Billys girlfriend (i met her through him) and last night he drunkenly told me he is going to break up with her. They have quite a turbulent relationship...its not right (in my opinion) and i think if i lived with her it would be too much hassle???

 

What do you guys think?

 

So back to the drawing board, ill have to look for spare rooms :(

 

xx

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2 minutes ago, Salinger said:

What do you guys think?

 

I'm not sure what social services are available there for housing.  I'm sure you've talked about it before, and I think maybe you've said that the waiting list is the challenge?  

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7 minutes ago, Cheetah said:

 

I'm not sure what social services are available there for housing.  I'm sure you've talked about it before, and I think maybe you've said that the waiting list is the challenge?  

 

Yes, the waiting list can be over 12 months :( im on the list and will keep looking but its very very slim chance ill get something within the year xx

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3 hours ago, Salinger said:

They have quite a turbulent relationship...its not right (in my opinion) and i think if i lived with her it would be too much hassle???

 

I think a lot of it would depend on how she handles it... like, do they yell and scream and fight a lot?  Or is she pretty grounded and steady and doesn't let her emotions run the show?  To me, that'd make the big difference in a living environment.

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