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Elennare

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Zero week and Halloween costume updates are going to be in last challenge thread, so if you want to see what I'm up to between now and the 28th, go here:

 

New challenge!

 

So, things have not been going well lately.  I keep trying, and failing, and I am now back to the highest (non-pregnancy related) weight I have been.  The weight that started my crazy fitness journey something like 12 years ago when I stepped on the scale and went "oh no."  Beyond that, said weight has chosen to distribute itself in a different fashion that makes me go "oh no" even more.  Not. Good.  I've also been having some mental health struggles that have gotten worse lately, and I've just figured out it's almost certainly tied to my cycle.  Said issues have been fixating on my body image, so I spend 3 weeks a month feeling ok, accepting of though not especially pleased with how I look, and one week feeling awful, like a failure at everything I try, and thinking I look like a giant fat ugly pile of mush.  Not. Good.

 

Life is crazy.  Like always.  But there's been a lot of extra stress the last several months, and none of that is going away any time soon, and may get significantly worse in the next few weeks (or it may not, and may continue to be a sword of damocles hanging over my head for months because it's work-related and no one currently knows when the event that will be driving said stress increase will actually happen).  Plus, we're heading into the holidays.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years.  There are others in the next few months, but those are the ones I celebrate.  All of that means my ability to stick to diet changes is not great.  Plus, all the stress is making me store all the fat on my belly.

 

I am not in a place where I can easily fix things right now.  But just accepting that stuff sucks and I can't do anything about it and just have to watch myself fall apart is not an ok answer either.  Given that the holidays especially mean I lose control of what I'm eating (not because I binge, but because I spend extended time with family and they don't eat like I want to), trying to change my diet is just a recipe for failure.  I really NEED to be able to succeed at something right now.  So.

 

I will do a pilates video, or go to the gym, or skate every day of this challenge.  I will go lift twice a week, since I won't have practice for most of this challenge.   Unless I get sick (because it's also getting sick season), in which case I will only take a break as long as I need to recover and then I will get back at it.  No minimum time, no, just do the thing.  Yoga is awesome, but not active enough for my current purposes, so will not count towards my daily goal.  On days I'm really not feeling it, I will also accept a 15 minute or longer intentional walk (meaning, I'm specifically walking for exercise, not I happened to walk that time cumulatively over the course of the day), or if I'm really feeling nuts, a run of any length.  Let's do this.

 

0/35

Edit: added more gym because derby is going on a break for the end of the year, and gave myself a few more options for exercises.

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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Also following. You've got this!

 

(Suggestion: on the days when you are sick / really not feeling it etc., it helps me to just get my workout clothes ON and sit on the mat. Just to keep that habit in your mind.

 

It might even make you go (like it does for me:) "There are "yoga for when you are sick" videos, let's do one of those!" Although Idk how scientifically tested those effects are, I do not shy away from a good placebo effect every now and then if I can get it. :p If it works for you. Habits are difficult to gain and easy to lose.)

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 3 | STA 3 | WIS 6 | CHA 6

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I feel liiiike adding yoga as an option for your daily activity could be a good thing for those days you are feeling really run down! Maybe set a max of yoga days per week to count toward your daily activity if you feel like you might lean on it too much?

 

Anyway, yes! Moving is good! Sorry things are so stressful, but carving some time for yourself to get going might help with all sorts of things! 

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Raptron, alot assassin

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16 hours ago, analoggirl said:

Also following. You've got this!

 

(Suggestion: on the days when you are sick / really not feeling it etc., it helps me to just get my workout clothes ON and sit on the mat. Just to keep that habit in your mind.

 

It might even make you go (like it does for me:) "There are "yoga for when you are sick" videos, let's do one of those!" Although Idk how scientifically tested those effects are, I do not shy away from a good placebo effect every now and then if I can get it. :p If it works for you. Habits are difficult to gain and easy to lose.)

 

I have asthma, and when I get sick (unless it's something like a stomach flu), it tends to go straight to my lungs, and it's been worse since I got pneumonia.  So, for me, exercising when I'm sick is NOT a good idea.  I like the thought though!

 

9 hours ago, raptron said:

I feel liiiike adding yoga as an option for your daily activity could be a good thing for those days you are feeling really run down! Maybe set a max of yoga days per week to count toward your daily activity if you feel like you might lean on it too much?

 

Anyway, yes! Moving is good! Sorry things are so stressful, but carving some time for yourself to get going might help with all sorts of things! 

Yes, I think moving is more is going to help with a lot of things.  I have purposely excluded yoga this time, because when I let that count for my challenges I tend to end up doing pretty much a 5 minute stretching video and calling it good, and then before long I'm not even doing that because really, what's the point?  So, I want to have a more active goal this time.  Probably going to add a 15+ minute intentional walk as an option, though!  This challenge is also a low-key start to trying to shift my mindset/goals from losing fat to performance/gaining muscle.  We'll see what happens.  :)

 

Also might be revamping things slightly, because I just found out that derby is done for the year after Nov 9.  So that would make Nov-Dec an ideal time to try to get in some good cross-training without worrying about being too sore at practice.  Got a few things to think about this week!

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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19 hours ago, Elennare said:

I have asthma, and when I get sick (unless it's something like a stomach flu), it tends to go straight to my lungs, and it's been worse since I got pneumonia.  So, for me, exercising when I'm sick is NOT a good idea.  I like the thought though!

Ah, thanks for explaining.

 

19 hours ago, Elennare said:

have purposely excluded yoga this time, because when I let that count for my challenges I tend to end up doing pretty much a 5 minute stretching video and calling it good, and then before long I'm not even doing that because really, what's the point?  

 

Relatable. :)

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 3 | STA 3 | WIS 6 | CHA 6

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I have decided I'm going to go to the gym twice a week through the end of the year. I don't know where I'll end up over the holidays, but I am sure I can find a Y to go to (I know I'm good for Christmas, Thanksgiving will be the interesting one). It'll be tough, but I won't have derby, so I can think of it as replacing practice. I'll update the main post when I'm on a computer rather than my phone.

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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First post updated!  And, ya know that "except if I'm sick" qualifier?  I seem to have caught whatever Little One had over the weekend.  He was really only down for about 24 hours, so I'm hoping I will be better quickly as well.  I don't seem to have it quite as bad as he did, but I definitely don't feel good.  Not going to go to practice tonight.  We'll see if I'm feeling up to doing any exercise this evening.  Might do an arms video?  But ab exercises while my belly is unsettled seems like a recipe for being miserable.

Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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Well, it's now about 24 hours since I started feeling not great, and I am feeling like I'm getting better. Didn't go to practice, which I don't think was at all the wrong choice, but I did do an arms workout. It was actually more shoulders, but probably all stuff I needed work on - for helping with shoulder mobility if nothing else.
And with that, I'm off to bed so I can really get over what ever this is.

1/35

https://youtu.be/AyL-gHmIB0Y

(link to the video I did, if you were interested)

 

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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Hope you feel better soon!

Raptron, alot assassin

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Following! 

I love that you looked at the challenges ahead and instead of saying "I'll get back on track after the holidays," you looked for something positive you could do now. That's something I'm working on myself. 

Hope you continue to feel better! 

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Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's more like a cha-cha.

Member of CNF: TOS

 

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Well, I'm done with costumes for Halloween. Started taking out the bad seams in my skirt, then thought "maybe I should try on the corset before I do this." Good thing I did, because it turns out it fit and looks fabulous everywhere except the boobs. Where it is so hilariously large that it looks like I'm a little girl trying on mommy's bra. Someone screwed something up big time when they made this pattern from the tiny size it was clearly designed for into the larger size I need. I do not have time to fix that and the skirt and the wings and also make the sleeves. But here, have a picture of the stupid thing (not on me), so at least you can see how pretty it was supposed to be.

20191029_210928.thumb.jpg.d101c4d96a942269162a519602c3e765.jpg

 

And here's more or less what the skirts were going to be:

20191029_211424.thumb.jpg.2f16a1e734cb3ad6afeb5b7e02bb1772.jpg

 

The sleeves that didn't happen were going to be...kind of like a collar attached to the strap sleeves from a tank top in the same fabric as the over skirt with long flowey off the shoulder sleeves made of light pink sheer fabric.

 

Anyway, enough moping about the costume that's not happening ( :'(  ). With that, I'm going to do an exercise video of some sort and then go to bed. Especially since I thought I had mostly escaped bad mental health stuff this cycle, but I can feel it trying to suck me down now, more so than just being really disappointed.

 

2/35

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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So I clearly haven't gone to bed despite the fact that I wanted to be there like an hour ago. Sigh.

 

My brain is stuck on the Halloween costume. I feel like maybe if I share this with someone it'll shut up and let me sleep? Can't vent to Husband because he's off hanging out with people.

 

Instead of wearing my derby stuff, maybe I should get one of those stupid "I'm here for the boos" t-shirts, make sure it has a small chocolate hand print on it, and wear it with high-waisted jeans, cheap (very cheap...or one of the sparkly head band variety) cat ears, and draw a triangle on my nose and whiskers with one of the crap Halloween makeup crayons (making sure it's slightly smudged), and be a mom for Halloween. You know, because all that matters is that everyone else looks good and has fun, and I should just disappear into the background (after making a token of effort, so it doesn't look like I feel left out).

 

It'll probably have a shot at winning funniest costume at work, which is better than I can hope for with the derby stuff. Because that certainly isn't funny, won't be "most creative," and I think I'll be insulted if I win scariest. Except, probably no one would even get that I was actually trying to dress up as something with the "mom" costume because it's too real. I already experienced wearing a costume that looked too much like normal clothes (except for the wig, which came out horrible but I wore it anyway, and my manager decided the "silly wig" WAS the costume and went out of his way to point out how silly the awful wig looked and wasn't it so funny? to everyone we came across all day. I wanted to crawl under the rug.) and didn't like it.

 

Anyway, going to bed for real now.

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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2 hours ago, Elennare said:

My brain is stuck on the Halloween costume.

I wish there was a Halloween costume fairy godmother. 

 

Seriously though, I can tell it is not your preferred option but I have seen some pretty good easy to put together costumes on the intrawebz. What would you not mind being that did not require lots of effort?

 

(Because I have found that the less effort I put in and something turns out quite alright, I enjoy it more than something I have put hours of work in and it turns out 'good'. Because then my expectations are higher. Is that my bad Western millenial mentality? Nope, I just have a mom that never enjoyed spending half an hour on her face and is ready to go in 5 minutes haha. As long as her hair is did. Still looks crisp because of the confidence.)

 

Anyway, none of the words I put on here can make your state of mind change however much I wish it would. (I know from experience being on the other side... Not diagnosed but enough down low to grasp the experience of depression.) Take care! 

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
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The "mom" costume idea is pretty funny to meeee at least, but you would probably have to explain it, haha. And it sounds like you don't love doing that?

Raptron, alot assassin

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7 hours ago, Elennare said:

You know, because all that matters is that everyone else looks good and has fun, and I should just disappear into the background (after making a token of effort, so it doesn't look like I feel left out).

 

Sounds like a lot of truth in that statement. I agree it would be funny (to not-moms), but yeah, if you don't like explaining yourself, maybe not the best idea. Do you have to be in the runing for one of the categories, or would doing something just for funsies (and no mental stress) be an option? 

Manarelle the Level 60 Amazon Assassin

Challenges: 1-1011-2021-3031-4041-50, 51-60, Current

 

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11 hours ago, analoggirl said:

I wish there was a Halloween costume fairy godmother. 

 

Seriously though, I can tell it is not your preferred option but I have seen some pretty good easy to put together costumes on the intrawebz. What would you not mind being that did not require lots of effort?

 

(Because I have found that the less effort I put in and something turns out quite alright, I enjoy it more than something I have put hours of work in and it turns out 'good'. Because then my expectations are higher. Is that my bad Western millenial mentality? Nope, I just have a mom that never enjoyed spending half an hour on her face and is ready to go in 5 minutes haha. As long as her hair is did. Still looks crisp because of the confidence.)

 

Anyway, none of the words I put on here can make your state of mind change however much I wish it would. (I know from experience being on the other side... Not diagnosed but enough down low to grasp the experience of depression.) Take care! 

 

So, for me, a big part of the fun is making something awesome and enjoying the comments on it.  I have high standards for costumes (for me), because I know what I can do.  Last year I ended up buying a dress to go with my costume that wasn't perfect but was the closest I could find, because I didn't have time to make something.  I was not thrilled with the result, and despite being a character from a fairly popular movie, the best I got was "hey, you're what's her face from that movie!"  It kind of sucked.

 

6 hours ago, raptron said:

The "mom" costume idea is pretty funny to meeee at least, but you would probably have to explain it, haha. And it sounds like you don't love doing that?

 

I don't especially enjoy having to explain, but I don't mind as much if people get it after I do.  The example I gave, not only did the guy not get it, he didn't listen to me at all and went out of his way to draw attention to the part of the costume I was least happy with because he decided that was the entire costume.  So instead of having a chance to say "I'm this character, and aside from the meh wig I look almost exactly like she did in [this scene in the movie]" I had everyone laughing at the "silly wig" I wore for a "costume."

 

I'm tempted to go with the "mom" costume, but honestly I'm afraid I'd just end up being bitter about it and/or not able to laugh at the "so what's different from normal?" jokes I will be sure to get.

 

5 hours ago, Manarelle said:

 

Sounds like a lot of truth in that statement. I agree it would be funny (to not-moms), but yeah, if you don't like explaining yourself, maybe not the best idea. Do you have to be in the runing for one of the categories, or would doing something just for funsies (and no mental stress) be an option? 

That is the stereotype (and what society expects, and I sort of have conditioned into me as an expectation - which I hate), and yeah, way too much truth.  Especially when last week things were starting to go sideways, Husband, trying to cheer me up, said "at least you can take comfort in the fact that everyone else will look awesome."  Like, I know he was trying to be nice and cheer me up, but it hurt.  No, I don't have to enter the contest, but I think by stint of showing up in a costume I will be included.

 

And, I'm fully aware of how whiny all of this is.  Sorry.  Hormones say I'm kinda messed up right now. :(

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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(pretend this posted last night)

 

Left work on time even though I still had a thing to do so I could go to practice. Had fun at practice, died partway through, then got back up after I'd recovered some hit points and finished practice. I think some things I've been working on for a while are finally starting to click. We got candy at the end of practice. A handful on a paper plate that we had to fight to keep for like 5 minutes. It was lots of fun.

 

Then I stopped at the grocery store to get something for the potluck today, and don't think I scared anyone this time. Very disappointed by the lack of Halloween oreos, but I wasn't stopping at another store, so brownie bites with orange and black frosting and ghost sprinkles will have to do.

 

Finished my work, took a shower, and went to bed. Way later than I wanted to, but oh well.

 

3/35

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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23 hours ago, Elennare said:

So instead of having a chance to say "I'm this character, and aside from the meh wig I look almost exactly like she did in [this scene in the movie]" I had everyone laughing at the "silly wig" I wore for a "costume."

 

I'm tempted to go with the "mom" costume, but honestly I'm afraid I'd just end up being bitter about it and/or not able to laugh at the "so what's different from normal?" jokes I will be sure to get.

 

Ugh, the fact that they make such predictable jokes is so cringey to me. If those are your colleagues in general, I understand where you are coming from.

 

Maaaybe it is whiny, just a tiny bit, but these are the things that you should be doing for fun. As people that spend a LOAD OF time together. Team building socialising etc.

 

Having people that poke the same type of fun over and over again at someone that is not enjoying it AT ALL is poor manners :p 

 

I mean, I can kind of get doing that to someone that gets angry a lot at unnecessary things which often destroys the team work & efficiency but the person/those you described kind of sound like the type that just do that to anything they can grasp. Just to have laughs. Just at anything. Whatever it is. As long as they are laughing AT and not laughed at. :') 

 

(And even if you were such a person, everything has it limits.) :)

 

ohhh another idea. Next time you are short on time, do/have an elaborate make-up done?  And make an elaborate headpiece. Then it may be just your head in costume... Ya know, I am going to stop suggesting things because I really do not know what  the reactions would be. Sure, I could tell you you should stick the metaphorical middle finger, zone those folks out and just have fun. But that does not help. :D

 

Basically, it is totally fine to be passionate about your craft and feel bad about not being able to show it off especially when you feel down in general. Get it out of your system asap so you can move on to being awesome. And post pics here when you make something, maybe! 

 

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 3 | STA 3 | WIS 6 | CHA 6

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17 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

Those costumes are great!  

Thanks!

 

Had a crazy day at work today, but I did manage to find enough time to go to the potluck/costume contest, which was fun. The lady who dressed up at the character from Breakfast at Tiffany's won most creative, the bottle of Tobasco sauce (yes really, and it was actually a pretty cool costume) won funniest, and the guy with some inflatable grim reaper thing won scariest.

 

Came home, carved pumpkins, and took the boys trick-or-treating. I'd say half an hour of skating outside in the dark with indoor wheels is enough skating to count for the challenge! Which is good, because I don't think I'm up for doing anything else tonight.

4/35

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Wood Elf Waywatcher Mandalorian (Assassin/Ranger hybrid)

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The little ones look good! I like that the headpiece on the second one is so spacious. I am too much of a wuss to survive in a mask like the first one. Devotion :p

 

PS - I forgot to introduce myself in that, I am usually quite verbose, especially when I can write it all out. And I realise most of what I say can be said more succinct. And I usually take the time to cut my posts down to palpable, non-novel formats but it is exam time right now. So, the self-awareness is there, feel free to call me out on it and say

 

"Enough is enough, I'll manage, I am not looking for pep talks, especially not ones that are this long!" Or something in that spirit :D

 

 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 3 | STA 3 | WIS 6 | CHA 6

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