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aramis

aramis becomes Bob the Builder

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aramis the assembler

Nah, that sounds stupid.

 

 

This Challenge round will be again more focused on self improvement and family than on health and fitness. On the other hand, my nutrition, workout/running habits and sleep schedule are well established and I don't have much problem sticking with them. Keeping in mind my BIG GOAL of debuting in OCR next year, I will work this direction a bit too.

 

To stick with general theme, I will be building different things on my way here. 

 

 

Building self-esteem

 

Last challenge taught me some uncomfortable things about myself (my mental health?). Or just forced me to acknowledge stuff I was aware of, but decided to ignore/put aside. I'm very insecure about my worth. I depend way too much on other's opinions. I actively look for criticism even if none is present (or just make up some). I'm overreacting (especially in negative side of the spectrum) and jump to conclusions that fit my martyr-like mindset. It looks like I want to suffer, to feel mocked and depressed. 

Probably above statements are also negatively exaggerated...   You get the point.

 

I will write a daily list of accomplishments, big and small. Especially small, because they often matter most. I want to prove myself I'm not a failure, that I'm capable of succeeding. 

 

I will create a list of my skills and proficiencies by adding one thing to a list on a daily basis. This will show me I can do a lot of things. 

 

Additionally - when my self esteem fails me and I succumb in dark thoughts I WILL speak up more. I'll tell what's bugging me to my wife, to my Mom, maybe even call my sister. This feels like burdening them with my problems and fears, but I think they won't mind me opening more to them. If I have the courage to open up to strangers here (sorry to call it this way, but we are all strangers here even if it doesn't feel like this), I can find the strength to open up to my loved ones. 

 

 

Building better bond with kids

 

I want to further improve relationship with my kids. I did some progress last challenge, but there is still lots of work ahead. 

 

I WILL keep my temper while with kids. It will be easily to evaluate if I got angry/mean/raised my voice or not. I will aim to stay calm all the time.

 

My older one came to me lately and was devastated because other kids laugh at him in Phys.Ed. class because he's not very coordinated. To help him I will organize at least two workouts/fun activities other than walks during this challenge. Bonus points* if I can make it weekly.

*No actual points involved. But it would be nice If I could work it out.

 

 

Building quality time

 

I caught myself (again) spending way too much time in front of computer, especially in the evening, mindlessly browsing internet and/or even this forums. Self explanatory - LESS COMPUTER TIME!

 

I will refrain from computer use in the evening. I will prioritize family time or self care. I allow myself 15 min for posting reports here and on battle log to keep up with my accountability.

This one most probably will force me to keep off of others' Challenge threads (huge time-eater for me), but I will try to visit at least from time to time.

 

 

Building functional strength

 

I already run 5K weekly and started doing burpees, but I need to do exercises better tailored to prepare me for obstacles I will find during OCR. 

 

I will use week 1 and 2 for research, and then in week 3, 4 and 5 to add/swap exercises in my workouts to better tailor it for OCR training.

 

 

 

Can We Build It?

 

YES, WE CAN!

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Hey!

 

Please dont diminish your mental health issues. That wont help. Just because you are undiagnosed does not mean you arent struggling. And dont think just because someone may have it 'worse' that your troubles arent important. YOU are awesome and wonderful and kind and we appreciate you being part of our family :) xx

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22 hours ago, aramis said:

* Last challenge taught me some uncomfortable things about myself. Or just forced me to acknowledge stuff I was aware of, but decided to ignore/put aside. Anyway, I definitely want to work on my mental health. 

Just saying this out loud makes me feel guilty for usurping the position of someone with real mental issues. I'm not diagnosed with anything (I never spoke with psychologist), so I tend to diminish my problems (see what I did there? I just suggested my problems aren't real).

 

Feeling like you don't have real problems because it isn't diagnosed is a real struggle. It makes it hard to validate feelings and struggles that aren't severe enough to warrant a diagnosis, and it can blind people to significant problems. I've had friends try desperately to convince me (and themselves) that they're totally fine, while demonstrating symptoms at the same level of severity as someone who is diagnosed and on medication for a condition. Lots of people tell themselves they're fine, and sometimes that's a useful tactic and sometimes it's not. If it's stopping you from seeking real help, that's a problem. If it's stopping you from acknowledging your current state and doing something about it, also not helpful. For me, I tend to get into negative spirals and brooding introspection and attempts to self-diagnose because I feel like my struggles and problems aren't valid unless they're clinically diagnosable.

 

Surprise surprise, that tends to make things worse.

 

You can have a tendency toward anxiety or episodes of anxiety without having an anxiety disorder. You can have periods of depression or a negative mindset without having clinical depression. My sister once told me you don't have to be broken to ask for help. More and more people are seeing the value in therapy for sub-clinical problems or just self-improvement. Working on your mental health is a good idea, even if you're mentally healthy. In fact, it's probably just as important as if you have a mental illness, because maintaining your mental health while you're healthy can potentially help you cope with difficult times and avoid a period of mental illness.

 

This is a really wordy way of validating whatever you're going through. Taking some time to work on your mental health is important if there's something you want to improve, regardless of whether it looks anything like someone else's mental illness.

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Thank you all.

Doing fitness challenges is so much easier than this. To be honest, sometimes I don't even know what am I facing, is my self-diagnose is at least a bit acute. Am I just having a worse day and just whining, or there is really something to work on. And there are days when I feel great, with no signs of problems. It's so complicated. 

9 hours ago, foxinthenorth said:

you don't have to be broken to ask for help

Well said. Problem is I sometimes subconsciously convince myself there is nothing I need help with. Acknowledging the problem is the first victory in this battle. 

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On 10/22/2019 at 2:05 PM, aramis said:

* I think I'm starting to be obsessed with my weight. I try to micro-manage my body - weight goes up 0.5kg, I want to cut 150kcal on the next day, weight drops 0.3kg, I think on adding 100kcal. And with 1kg change overnight I start panicking. Of course I know it doesn't work this way, but this knowledge doesn't stop me from THINKING on trying. I should find a way to keep an eye on the scale, but with less involvement. 

______________________________

NOT a goal. I just need to suck it up and observe trends more patiently.

Do you weigh daily? Have you tried weighing weekly, or taking an average of your daily numbers at the end of each week and tracking the weekly trends instead? I know you didn't make this a goal but increasing your measurement increment may help you not sweat the micro changes. That sounds like extra stress you don't need.

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Yeah, daily. When I tried to stop losing weight it was handy, and now I just used to this. In big picture I work on average/trend (I use Libra app for calculating those), but sometimes small numbers makes me sweat. As I said, I need to suck it up :) 

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On 10/22/2019 at 10:05 PM, aramis said:

Keeping in mind my BIG GOAL of debuting in OCR next year, I will work this direction a bit too.

Ooh nice! Which races are you looking at? (OCR happens to be my hobby and one of the main focuses of my training :))

 

On 10/23/2019 at 8:09 AM, Salinger said:

Please dont diminish your mental health issues. That wont help. Just because you are undiagnosed does not mean you arent struggling

3

So much this. I was struggling so hard before my diagnosis. 

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2 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

Which races are you looking at?

I look at local races mostly. My first bet was one of Runmageddon races in southern Poland. Currently one in Praha (it's still not so far - 4-5h drive) looks promising too. 

There are more smaller events I need to research and I plan on signing up in one during this challenge round. 

2 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

OCR happens to be my hobby and one of the main focuses of my training

What's the best time of year for OCR in your opinion? I was thinking on late spring/early summer to avoid extreme temperatures, but does it really matters that much?

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Hey Liz!

Yesterday was really good, today... not so, but tolerable. 

 

Yesterday wife took boys to her parents and I went to work (overtime happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). After I came back I did my 5K run, ate dinner and still managed to do some meal prep for next week's work lunch. In the mean time I did some laundry, helped my Dad install new water heater in the kitchen and fixed leaking faucet in the bathroom. 

Wife came back aroung 6:30pm so boys went straight to watching their share of cartoons. After this we gave them supper and I put them to sleep. They behaved well and I had no problem to keep my cool. In the evening wife decided to do some knitting (she's working on scarves for boys for x-mas). It wasn't very exiting for me, so I just laid with head on her knees and read a book. That was nice :) 

 

Overnight was time change from 3am to 2am resulting in one hour longer night. I raised at 5:15 and did some stretching. As everybody were still asleep, I portioned and packed my lunch food and did the dishes. At around 8 I made breakfast for wife and kids. Then I walked around the house and set all the clocks to new time. Then I sat with my older one and helped him with math homework. I did poorly, because I got angry with him (he wasn't paying attention).  

Later wife took boys to playground and... I succumbed. Out of the blue my mood collapsed and I just sat there staring into the wall.

The rest of the day I spent just wandering from place to place, trying to shrug off this mood. With little success. Right now I'm sitting here, trying to create this post for almost an hour and I can't quite concentrate on what I'm typing... ugh. I'm perfectly aware I'm way overdue with my allowed computer time in the evening - which is additionally depressing. 

 

Wife is nervous (tomorrow she will have tough day at work) and in not very cuddly mood. Sigh... I think I'll just grab a book and hide somewhere for a bit. 

Good night.

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Hey Liz. Some days are better, some are worse. I think everybody has it this way...

 

On books - I just finished Dave Canterbury's "Bushcraft 101" and next in line awaits "Humans: A Brief History of How We F*cked It All Up" by Tom Phillips. Should be a fun read.

 

 

Week 1, Monday (Oct. 28th)

 

Building self-esteem:

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm

- morning stretching

- took my vitamins and readied some for my wife

- I set up recurring payment order at my online banking to automatically pay off installments, 

- at work I laminated some cards for my wife, 

- did my workout

- after putting to beds, I sat at boys' room to keep them company till they fall asleep, 

- finished reading a book.

- discussed with wife our anniversary plans for this year (it's already 15 years of marriage).

 

I will add another list to this goal - a list of skills, things I am able to do etc. I will add one thing a day and see where it can take me. This sounds like bragging, but I found this idea in some article about building self esteem/confidence so I will give it a try. 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

 

Building bond:

I remained calm most of the time at home. I got angry with boys when they misbehaved during their bath, but forced myself not to raise my voice - I became "forcibly calm", even tepid, and started to give orders instead of asking (using "please"). After a while everything settled and was back to "okay" state. After my wife read them bed stories they asked me to stay with them for a while when they fall asleep. 

 

Building quality time

I'm writing this now because I used up my computer time in the evening and just switched PC off not finishing this report. Helped wife with ironing shirts, then we talked about our plans for anniversary and then went to bed to read some. 

 

Building  strength

Did some research, found whole lot of articles on beating various OCR obstacles. Now I need to read through all this and pick what will fit me.

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On 10/26/2019 at 4:22 PM, aramis said:

I look at local races mostly. My first bet was one of Runmageddon races in southern Poland. Currently one in Praha (it's still not so far - 4-5h drive) looks promising too. 

There are more smaller events I need to research and I plan on signing up in one during this challenge round. 

What's the best time of year for OCR in your opinion? I was thinking on late spring/early summer to avoid extreme temperatures, but does it really matters that much?

ooh nice. I actually want to try some OCRs on the continent, like Strong Viking. 

 

Best time of year - I really do like Summer OCRs. British weather is a fickle beast, but one of the best endings to a race is one where I don't feel like it's a race against hyperthermia to get warm and dry, and I can chill out for a bit afterwards. That said, I tend to stretch my season out from March/April to late October, so I get a spectrum of races. I did do Nuclear Fallout once, that takes place in November (it's next week in fact). It's doable, with the right gear. Neoprene socks are my bestest ever friends on cold races :D. But they are more effort. There's more of an urgency to get out of the water obstacles, to keep moving fast enough to stay warm, etc. At a race last October my lips were blue and I was shivering so badly I couldn't think or talk straight. Then again, it was raining and cold. Spring races are fine though. Cool temperatures can be lovely, especially when there's hills involved!

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Week 1, Tuesday (Oct. 29th)

 

Building self-esteem:

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm

- morning stretching (actually done at work because I forgot it at home...)

- took my vitamins and readied some for my wife

- when at grocery, I smiled to already-angry-with-previous-dick-customer girl at checkout, and she smiled back,

- I set an appointment at mechanic for changing tires for winter,  

- hauled from attic three sets of tires (mine, my wifes' and my Dads'), and talked with Dad about him managing appointments for him and my wife,

- took dry laundry from dryer and put mine away, 

- did my burpees,

- invited my older one t odo Sun Salutations with me, 

- put kids to bed, 

- made a supper for wife (she was at work all day).

- prepared coffee maker for the morning.

 

I'm not sure if I should include things like workouts, waking up on time or taking vitamins here - these things are established habits and come quite easy. With all this, the list looks like bragging, and I don't want to show off or anything. Damn, saying I'm good at something feels awkward... 

On the other hand when I feel down I sometimes need kick in the butt to go and train. I really don't know...

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

 

 

Building bond:

I kept my temper. 

And... I invited my older one to do Sun Salutations with me. We'll see where it will lead, but for now he is eager to do it daily :) 

 

Building quality time

Almost no computer in the evening. Only music from YT and checking offers for our anniversary runaway weekend.

 

Building  strength

For the things I already read, I need to work mostly on grip strength, pull-ups and overall upper body pull movements. And maybe balance.

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Week 1, Wednesday (Oct. 30th)

 

Building self-esteem:

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm

- morning stretching 

- took my vitamins and readied some for my wife

- during work I asked my boss for 20min break so I could drive to mechanic for changing tires (good it's like 5min walk from my work). I left the car and picked it after work.  

- put summer tires back in garage attic, 

- did a bit of organizing in the attic, 

- disassembled backyard swing for winter, 

- did my workout,

- put kids to bed. 

 

As I think about today, I see I didn't do much. This is because I totally didn't feel passage of time while organizing stuff in the attic. I wasted over an hour for this. No, not "wasted". "Used" is better word, because the work I did was needed. Now everything there is more accessible and I even managed to create some free space (for more clutter).

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

 

Building bond:

I kept my temper. Sadly, I didn't spent much time with kids due to attic decluttering that absorbed me more than I wanted. 

I invited my older one to do Sun Salutations with me again. He's still eager :) 

 

Building quality time

Wife left for night shift, so I will dig into reading after I post this.

 

Building  strength

Nothing done here today. I had no time for research. And now I'm not in the mood. 

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I like how you're tackling this. I was in a similar place in regards to mental health for a while (not recognising I had issues because I wasn't as bad as some) and it's a real problem, but with awareness you can tweak and get better. And figure out if you need extra help or not.

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