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aramis becomes Bob the Builder


aramis

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On 10/30/2019 at 2:30 AM, aramis said:

...With all this, the list looks like bragging, and I don't want to show off or anything. Damn, saying I'm good at something feels awkward... 

On the other hand when I feel down I sometimes need kick in the butt to go and train. I really don't know...

 

I wanted to comment on this cause I had similar thoughts the other day.

 

Consider that; any statement of our goals, abilities and acheivements might  be either spectacular OR awful! depending on who we are comparing ourselves to.

 

for example. I have a solid 11:00min/mile (6.8min/km) pace on a flattish road with minimal effort.

 

compare that to a c25k beginner (or myself, when I began running in 2017) and it looks Awesome- espacially considering I can do that for a LONG time.

OTOH; compare that to many runners, its rather bad and to an Elite runner- 11:00 its Painfully, Horribly slow.  even on hills and trails- it is very slow to them!

 

so would I be bragging to mention it on my challenge?

...

IMHO it isn't bragging cause we don't know whether something is really impressive to you or not.

 

so don't worry about the bragging. its not a problem.

I don't view people's ability/skills/performances/program as relevant to my own situation.  I know I can't run as fast as many other people and I know some people's exercise program make mine look weak and unimpressive.

 

alternately, I don't take on "airs" when I write to people that don't seem to have the same exercise program as myself.  I know people are trying hard to be mentally and physically strong and healthy.  in many cases, I view them as a stronger Ranger then myself; for I know they are overcoming bigger challenges.

 

people don't need judgments or comparisons.  they need support and advice. don't we all?

 

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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Week 1, Thursday (Oct. 31st)

 

Today was one of THOSE days. I came back home totally bummed for no real reason - at work was quite okay, I left on time, traffic was tolerable etc.

I remember I was at home at 4pm. I ate dinner and... suddenly realized it was already 6pm and wife was leaving for another night shift. Not that I napped - I just was so apathetic I didn't even noticed the flow of time.

I needed to gather all my strength to kick my ass hard enough to do my burpees. And resist the urge to gorge on anything edible I saw. Damn this compulsive eating... resisting the cravings is so fucking hard when I feel down... and leaves me exhausted mentally even more. This bloody gremlin on my shoulder whispering "nobody will know, treat yourself, you love this, why you deny yourself things you crave?" etc... I will drown the bastard in coffee, that's what I'm gonna do!

 

 

Building self-esteem:

...

what for?

 

anyway

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm

- morning stretching 

- took my vitamins 

- did my share of burpees

- hanged curtain in the bathroom window (wife took it down and washed)

- put kids to bed. 

EDIT:

As I wasn't too eager to go to bed, I decided to occupy my mind with something else than overthinking my mood. And got one more win for today - I just repaired my friend's Colt 1911 airsoft replica (the slide was getting stuck halfway back after every shot). I did a field strip, removed pneumatic system from the slide, stripped  and cleaned it (some goo blocked piston head from moving freely in cylinder). Bit of silicone oil here and there, reassembly and now it works like a charm :D

 

As I told - today I was completely lost. Not so sure if I found myself yet. 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

 

Building bond:

I lost it. My younger one was told to find his slippers. He went upstairs, then came back down, wandered for half an hour (doing everything but searching for his slippers). The slippers were under the dining table - he looked there three times...

 

As I think of this, I start to worry about him. He is more and more absent-minded lately, he behaves bad at preschool, and at home he pays no attention to anyone. It's really pain to convince him to do something (or rather to finish what he started). He instantly distracts himself with toy/book/anything and forgets the thing he was doing - to the point he wanders around with pants around his ankles because he was going to put them on, started doing this and then saw a toy on the windowsill and decided he wants it NOW.

 

After me doing burpees my older one did Sun Salutations with me again. I start to have some hopes about it. 

 

Building quality time

Not today.

 

Building  strength

I found actual beginner training program on OCRWC site. Gotta take closer look. 

  • Like 1

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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Thank you Jason. 

20 minutes ago, TGP said:

people don't need judgements or comparisons

The problem isn't someone judging me. I am the problem judging myself. I think it is some flaw in how I was raised - in conviction that evaluation of one's worth isn't his to do. That bragging is reprehensible. That I should be humble and keep my head low. I don't blame my parents for this - I was born long before Iron Curtain crumbled, and Poland was on the not-so-lucky side of it. Times were tough, many who was too "visible" was labelled an instigator and disappeared. People needed to cope somehow. Being gray, invisible was safe.

 

That being said, it doesn't help a bit today. Adding my brittle self esteem and you get a guy who doesn't want to admit he's worth his weight. 

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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yeah. I can see the background.

 

at any rate, it IS your challenge and you have my full support in whatever you wish to share.

 

I think , generally, we should try hard to refrain from judging ourselves-

 

or at least when we notice that we are starting to do that,  we stand back and say

"this is not mentally helpful. is there a better way to look at where we are"

 

still I'll not deny this is very hard.

 

as an example I'm sure you noticed - I felt pretty bad about cutting wood with dad.  as you Say, Dad didn't judge me... but I felt bad about my low heart rate and muscle soreness.

 

therefore it took me a day or so to shake off the bad vibe.

---

 

but I'm not sure that this is an exact similarity.  I know one's culture, and upbringing have a powerful effect on how we think of things.

 

---

so maybe the most helpful thing to say is that I enjoy your current posts.  you concentrate on being grateful for things, describe things that frustrate you (we Might be able to offer advice!) and list how you propose to do better.

 

the latter part is what I see as "accountability" and allows one the opportunity to recommit to our goals.

 

its great! and enjoy reading it.

 

it is inspirational to watch people such as yourself tackling tough goals.

 

and I also remember, vividly, the difficulties of small kids.  they can be frustrating, yet have so MUCH potential.  how do help them unlock it!?  I think this is one of the biggest hardest challenges in the whole world!  

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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34 minutes ago, aramis said:

Building self-esteem:

...

what for?

Because you matter, that's why!

 

I do my lists to try and instil this belief in myself that no day is completely lost. At the moment, I list things like 'I got out of bed' because I wake up most days having to convince myself to get out and start getting ready for work. It's a win to get up and face the day. The size of the win is irrelevant. You got out of bed, and you did the things! You won today!

 

 

39 minutes ago, aramis said:

As I told - today I was completely lost. Not so sure if I found myself yet. 

Been there. It's okay. It is okay to be lost. It's okay to feel like the day has wrung you out. You're doing great Aramis. 

 

43 minutes ago, aramis said:

And resist the urge to gorge on anything edible I saw. Damn this compulsive eating... resisting the cravings is so fucking hard when I feel down... and leaves me exhausted mentally even more. This bloody gremlin on my shoulder whispering "nobody will know, treat yourself, you love this, why you deny yourself things you crave?" etc... I will drown the bastard in coffee, that's what I'm gonna do!

I understand this so so much. But you know why it's a damn liar, that gremin? Because it isn't treating yourself. It's applying a bandage to a wound that'll bleed through anyway. And then you'll have to deal with the self-hating and regret. (My experience, anyway). I've never regretted NOT binging. 

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Rangers Gonna Ranger

Current Challenge: The Adventures of Rhovaniel: Vol I

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25

 

2021 Quests:

Run 3 Laps of Oblivion| Run and Complete Man vs Lakes | Achieve a full pull up| Achieve 10+ unbroken push ups| Write 90,000+ words of a novel (0/90,000)| Read at least 20 books (4/20)

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22 hours ago, TGP said:

you have my full support in whatever you wish to share [...]

 I enjoy your current posts [...]

the difficulties of small kids [...]  is one of the biggest hardest challenges in the whole world!

 

22 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

Because you matter, that's why! [...]

 It is okay to be lost. [...] You're doing great [...]

 I've never regretted NOT binging.

 

Thank you for those kind words and support, it was much needed yesterday. I was just sitting in front of the screen and reading those two replies over and over again until it finally started getting to my stupid brain. 

 

 

And about today:

 

Week 1, Friday (Nov. 1st)

 

Today was way better than yesterday. Not everything went according to plan, but in bigger picture the day was good enough to call it a win :) 

 

As in Poland All Saints' Day is national holiday (thus non-working day), but All Souls' Day is not, there is a tradition to visit graves of our relatives on this day. We clean the graves, put flowers (almost always some type of chrysanthemums) and light candles - so our cemeteries look like this:

naleczow_cmentarz_noc_1_listopada_2009_159.jpg

 

After dark the view is... magical. I refrain from expressing religious believes, but visiting our graves on these days has this heavy spiritual and emotional charge - you just feel it like an aura emanating from the burial grounds. 

 

Anyway, back to challenge.

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed 30 min later than usual. It was conscious decision because I went to bed hour or so later yesterday,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins,

- browsed through ISO certification audit documentation I took from work, found two missing things and emailed consulting company asking for completing the papers, 

- when younger one woke up, we cuddled on the couch for half an hour or so,

- made breakfast for kids and wife (she came back from night shift around 7:30),

- we drove to wife's parents, left boys there and went to visit graves at local cemetery (apart from wife's relatives, also my aunt and uncle are buried there),  

- after coming back, I changed engine oil+filter and air filter on my car,

- did my workout,

- put kids to bed and sat with them till they fell asleep. 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

 

Building bond:

Today I won this! I kept my temper on all times - the closest to raising my voice was using stern tone when boys misbehaved or ignored me or wife.

In the morning when younger one woke up, I intercepted him and we cuddled on the couch for some time. As boys grow up they want to cuddle less than before, so I want to treasure every occasion. Additionally, I kept him with me so he wouldn't wake everybody else up. Win-win scenario :) 

 

When boys had their computer time, I was actively watching* them play.

 

*I asked questions, gave advice etc. I tried to give them the feeling I'm interested in their activity.

 

My older one did Sun Salutations with me again after my workout. YAY! :D 

 

Building quality time

When boys played Minceraft, wife napped with head on my laps. After supper she was just falling asleep standing up (she was after 12h night shift and didn't sleep during the day), so I took care of putting boys to sleep and sent her right to bed. She needs this.

 

Building  strength

No time for this today. 

  • Like 3

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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Week 1, Saturday (Nov. 2nd)

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on time,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins and readied some for my wife,

- lubricated squeaky hinges on kitchen door, 

- I broke my favorite coffee mug (not a win), but controlled my emotions and got sad instead of covering it with anger (win), 

- put away clean laundry from dryer, 

- made another laundry and hanged it to dry,

- prepped my work lunch food for next week, 

- did my 5K run,

- started gluing up my coffee mug - I might be able to save it.

 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

 

Building bond:

This is tricky. On one hand, most of day was fine. On the other hand there was one situation when I totally lost my nerve and jumped on my older one. I overreacted, but he was acting super-asshole'y towards his brother and me. He took my younger one's toy, the younger one started to cry "give it back" and he started mocking him - he hid the toy in his pocket and acted all innocent. When I came and interfered, he was like "what you want from me, I'm not doing anything" and told me younger one was aggressive. He stood there with cunning smirk on his face when younger one reached to his pockets - "You see, he constantly attacks me" he said. And younger one just tried to get his toy back. 

 

How the flying fuck a 9yo can be such an asshole? 

 

Building quality time

Had a long talk with wife in the evening. We sat on a couch, cuddled and discussed my insecurities and self-esteem issues. Turns out she didn't realize half of this because I'm so bloody good at hiding emotions.  

 

Building strength

Nope.

  • Like 2

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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Week 1, Sunday (Nov. 3rd)

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- went to put out the fire at someone's house in the middle of the night (from 10:45 to 1:15),

- my knowledge about frame house construction was helpful to commanding officer - he overlooked some places where fire might go and I found two actual fires inside the walls,

- got out of bed on first alarm despite 2.5 hour rescue operation,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins and readied some for A.,

- made coffee for A. to take to work,

- made breakfast for boys,

- made another laundry and hanged it to dry,

- put away clean laundry from dryer, 

- replaced rusted break dust shield in my car, 

- made dinner for boys, 

- worked a bit on saving my coffee mug,

- found simple macro tracking app - it may save me some time (I was tracking my nutrition pen&paper style, because apps like MFP are too big and bulky),

- helped A. with connecting pedant to a necklace (small metal rings vs her freshly painted nails ;) )

 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

 

Building bond:

Sigh. Today F. (older one) behaved okay(ish), but Ant. (younger one) behavior was... less than optimal. I really don't know what is happening with him, but he ignores everything and everyone, when told to he just walks away, when asked a question, 90% of times he just says "I don't know". This is so bloody annoying I just can't keep my temper when with him. At some moment I yelled at him, because he admitted (with great bright smile) he lied to me. And I really don't think anything I said got to his brain. 

I feel so fuckin' powerless about it. I ran out of ideas how to deal with his behavior. If nothing changes, I will be forced to take him to some psych professional to check if he's okay under the dome... 

 

Building quality time

While I type this, A. is sitting at the couch knitting. When I post this, I will just plop by her and interfere her with cuddling. I hope I won't got stabbed with knitting pins :) 

 

Building strength

Gonna re-read things I found and distill most common areas/exercises. I know it will be mostly focused on arms/shoulders (I already focus that), grip strength and core. Running endurance isn't a problem as I do offroad 5K weekly, so this one is already well covered. 

  • Like 2

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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Im totally impressed with the list of abilities

Its a really AWESOME list.  GJ

 

regarding having your kid talk to a the pychchiatrist; yes. I think you really should.  but you should talk to him as well.

when it comes to a family; one person's problem becomes everyones' problem.

 

my experience is that success in parenting is halfway between amazing, inexhaustible patience and small consistent corrections- done very consistently.

but that is "success"

success if very difficult.  

 

mostly; continue to strive to control anger.  being angry about it, often, doesn't help.

(there is a limited time and place for anger though)...

 

  • Like 1

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

Link to post

Week 2, Monday (Nov. 4th)

 

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins and readied some for A.,

- tracked all food in app,

- wasted too much time on shopping, but managed to get nice thermal underwear for boys (needed to visit three locations of specific chain store to find proper sizes...)

- did my workout, got some progress,

- made supper for boys, bathed them and put to sleep,

- put away dry laundry from the dryer, 

- budgeting for Nov. (work in progress),

 

Not much, but got stuck at work, then hunting those underwear took longer than expected... and time is a scarce good. But I tried to use what I had at hand to the maximum.

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

- I can make a book (journal, notebook etc) from scratch - sew the text block, make a hardcover and cover it in leather or canvas (with decorations like corner pieces, embossing etc), or replace existing cover on book for more decorative one. 

 

Building bond:

Came home late, but in the evening boys were on my head (A. left for night shift). We all behaved good :) I again invited F. to train with me and this time I gave him 2kg dumbbell to do some clean&press when I did mine with KB. I normally did 10 - 11 reps each side. F. started to cheer for me, went "One more!" after every rep and we finished at 15 reps per side... That's THE motivation :D (but my arms feel like noodles now). After this we did Sun Salutations.  Later was supper, bath time and bed time stories. Surprisingly, I didn't need to ask Ant. multiple times to do things like brushing teeth or putting pajamas on - he did those things quite fast. 

 

Building quality time

Not today. A. is at work and I have stuff to do still (budgeting etc).

 

Building strength

Sigh. Not today. I already defined the range of moves/body areas I need to train, but I need to further narrow it down to specific exercises that will fit my workouts. I think I will be ready with planning before end of week. 

  • Like 3

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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On 11/3/2019 at 6:57 AM, aramis said:

 

How the flying fuck a 9yo can be such an asshole?

I wonder this alot.... my nephews are both 9 (for a very short time, the eldest will be 10 at the end of the month - 11 months between them) and they really can be awful towards both each other and adults they don't respect enough. I have no advice to give, I don't actually have children, but you do have my sympathy!

 

Well done on your lists. Sounds like you are getting alot of winning in!

  • Like 3

Rangers Gonna Ranger

Current Challenge: The Adventures of Rhovaniel: Vol I

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25

 

2021 Quests:

Run 3 Laps of Oblivion| Run and Complete Man vs Lakes | Achieve a full pull up| Achieve 10+ unbroken push ups| Write 90,000+ words of a novel (0/90,000)| Read at least 20 books (4/20)

Link to post

Week 2, Tuesday (Nov. 5th)

 

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins,

- set coffee maker for A. to have freshly brewed coffee when she comes from work, 

- tracked all food in app,

- did my burpees, got some sweet progress,

- put away yet another batch of dry laundry from the dryer, 

- made supper for boys and put them to sleep,

- fixed Ant.'s kindergarten slipper where the sole fell off - I needed to re-sew it,

- as a bit of decluttering I've browsed through heap of receipts lying on the shelf, threw out old ones, put new ones in safe place in case I need them for guarantee claims,

- finished budgeting for Nov., sent all necessary transfers, saved some extra for x-mas. 

 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

- I can make a book (journal, notebook etc) from scratch - sew the text block, make a hardcover and cover it in leather or canvas (with decorations like corner pieces, embossing etc), or replace existing cover on book for more decorative one. 

- I can start the fire with a single match, lighter or ferrocerium rod. I know the theory of starting it with a lens and with primitive means (bow drill, pump drill, fire plough etc.).

 

Building bond:

After I came home, I mostly stayed with or around boys. We all praised Ant. because he behaved good enough in kindergarten to be placed in the "green" group. We want to encourage him to be nice and show him it is nice to be nice.

F. didn't join me in Sun Salutations after my burpees because there was new cartoon on TV and he wanted to watch it, but he asked if we can do Salutations later. So we did some just before them going to beds. Ant. joined as well (as much as scatterbrained 5y.o. can, but still :)). Maybe we could establish this as evening routine? Hmm...

 

Building quality time

Same as yesterday. A. is at work. I'm going to bed.  Well crap. I didn't. I just started writing the part below and lost track of time... It's almost midnight. Sigh...

 

Building strength

Thought about it a bit and slowly some ideas start to emerge.

 

The training plans for OCR I found (there were of course more, but all fell in one of the types below):

- crossfit "Barbara" WOD (pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups, squats) - this is okay for general use, but lacks specialization.

- 400 workout from OCR WC - targets OCR-heavy areas, but not doable in my situation - I train at home and run in the fields, and I don't see how I could mix that. 

- bunch of tutorials on clearing different obstacles - absolute opposition to Barbara - this is too focused on specific moves.  

 

As I can't follow any of this, I need to create my own routine. 

 

For now my training schedule is week based and looks like this:

Mon - focus on upper body pull movements (pull-ups, face pulls, body rows) - in attempt to put on a bit of muscle on my back, with added KB swings and clean&press because it's fun :) 

Tue - 15 minute timer for as much Burpees I can get - I need to be able to burpee my way out of some obstacles. And it's cardio.

Wed - full body workout (KB halos, pull-ups, squats, push-ups, body rows, KB swings and C&P) - for overall training.

Thu - Burpees again

Fri - another Monday workout

Sat - 5K offroad run (dirt roads, grass and gravel)

Sun - rest day

 

I think I leave burpee days, running and rest as they are. I think full body workout will too remain mostly unchanged. On Mon and Fri workouts I think on switching face pulls for active hang with knee raises for throwing in some extra grip strength and core training.

More obstacle-wise I will need to work on rope climbing (never did that) and balance. For rope I will ask my boys' Principal if I could use school's gym once a week (there is a climbing rope station). And for balance, I could add some balancing yoga poses (for example Warrior III) or front and back scales to my after workout stretching routine. 

Any recommendations or tips here?

  • Like 2

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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Week 2, Wednesday (Nov. 6th)

 

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins,

- set coffee maker for A. to have freshly brewed coffee when she comes from work, 

- tracked all food in app,

(yes, all above is copy-pasted from yesterday)

- went to parent-teacher meeting with F.'s teacher (and sank there for two hours),

- prepared supper for boys, bathed them and put to beds,

- did my workout.

 

Yeah, this meeting at school dominated my afternoon... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

- I can make a book (journal, notebook etc) from scratch - sew the text block, make a hardcover and cover it in leather or canvas (with decorations like corner pieces, embossing etc), or replace existing cover on book for more decorative one. 

- I can start the fire with a single match, lighter or ferrocerium rod. I know the theory of starting it with a lens and with primitive means (bow drill, pump drill, fire plough etc.).

- I can make simple wooden furniture (bed, table, shelf etc.)

 

Building bond:

Not much today due the school meeting, but I watched a bit them playing Minecraft (they were building jacuzzi :blink: ) and in the evening I stayed with them after reading bed stories and waited till they fall asleep. 

 

Building quality time

Managed to get like 10 min of cuddles before storming out for school meeting. And now A. is at work (last nightshift of this set), so I will try to go to bed earlier than yesterday... I need to catch up with my sleep schedule - I see myself being more absent minded throughout the day. Han would say "I have a bad feeling about this"...

 

Building strength

Didn't have time to dig into this today. 

  • Like 1

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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Week 2, Thursday (Nov. 7th)

 

Dark clouds are gathering... is it another mood swing?

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins,

- set coffee maker for A. to have freshly brewed coffee when she comes from work, 

- tracked all food in app,

(again copy-pasting FTW)

- ordered some car stuff I want to get sorted out before winter,

- grabbed some groceries on my way home,

- did some burpees.

 

Not much done again. My mood went south after work and I wasn't able to cheer myself up. Driving home for hour and a half instead of normal 30min didn't helped either. And at home I learned that coach at Ant.'s additional sports class asked for him not coming anymore, because his behavior ruins training for everybody else. A. is taking him tomorrow to see counselor/psych. Maybe we will learn something new. 

 

And I had yet another bulimic(?) episode. I like the taste of sugar. Not some fancy sweets - plain white sugar. I like it's crunchiness and flavor, and the feeling of slight numbness on the tongue it leaves. I packed my mouth with several tablespoons of it - I was like a hamster with cheeks stuffed with it, crunching it between my teeth. I was ecstatic. The sweetness overloading my taste buds was magical. And then Second Thought came "Oh my gosh! So much calories! So much carbs! Abort mission!" and I spat all this sugar into a sink. 

And then came pratchettian Third Thought and kicked me in the ass saying "WHAT THE HELL!?!?"

 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

- I can make a book (journal, notebook etc) from scratch - sew the text block, make a hardcover and cover it in leather or canvas (with decorations like corner pieces, embossing etc), or replace existing cover on book for more decorative one. 

- I can start the fire with a single match, lighter or ferrocerium rod. I know the theory of starting it with a lens and with primitive means (bow drill, pump drill, fire plough etc.).

- I can make simple wooden furniture (bed, table, shelf etc.).

- I can sew by hand and with sewing machine. Nothing fancy, but enough to repair clothes or make bedclothes.

 

 

Building bond:

Nope. When I came home and ate dinner it was already TV time. After that I made supper for boys and A. put them to sleep. 

 

Building quality time

All I got was some hugs and A. ogling me doing burpees :) And now A. left to see her workmate/manager (who leaves for short vacation) and discuss incoming audit from aviation agency. A. will be at work during it and wants to be prepared for any questions from auditors. 

 

Building strength

Nope. All I can think of is to shorten my workouts (I use way too much time for them).

  • Like 1

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

Link to post

I don't think thats bulimia ; but it is curious.

 

what made you think of sugar?  can you make it hard to get too or have your wife hide it??

 

I was reading the other day that "cues" where an essential part of having a habit (both good ones and bad).

so I think its useful to wonder Why you had such a sugar attack; and whether you can use the same cue to eat something healthier  -like fruit.

 

this all said, habits are Hard.  I don't have a problem with Sugar (exactly).. but sometimes I get urges to buy candy.

 

this is nearly the same thing

and it almost always turns out to be so Unsatisfying.  the mind wants when it wants it;  but its really Not so very awesome.  certainly it doesn't do any good thing.

 

like you say; a split second after eating it; the urge will pass; the appeal spent.  and the more disciplined, part of you cries out for what you are doing to your diet!? 

 

but spitting it out; really doesn't fix the problem.  you must first learn to recognize When you have the urge and fight it off, when you feel like that.

 

I think there is a critical moment when you have a bad habit when you can put a stop to it.

---

be good to yourself; this is Hard!   I find when it comes to bad habits that punishing (mentally) yourself afterwards does not Work (for me).  it makes me too absolved or somehow forgiven.

 

you are not Really forgiven until you overcome it.  certainly, a bad habit leaves it mark upon you no matter who badly /ashamed you feel about yourself.

 

so IMHO work on more positive thoughts. even take it One day at a time.

 

THIS day I am NOT going to eat sugar!

 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 2

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

Link to post
12 hours ago, TGP said:

I don't think thats bulimia

Not fully developed, of course. But it's a good start to binge-purge cycle, isn't it?

 

The sugar itself is not a problem (my philosophy says everything is allowed, but in moderation). To be honest, sugar is my only way to sweeten things on low FODMAP diet (the others are maple syrup, but this is bloody expensive here; and stevia that gives me heartburn). So it's not about eating forbidden sugar. I could easily balance this urge in couple of days. 

 

It's about the act - next time it may be cheese, roast or anything else... I'm terrified of things this situation leads to - that I developed some sort of obsession about my weight. I want (or at least I try to convince myself that I want) to gain weight and put on some muscle, yet I frown every time I see bigger number on a scale. I am upping my target of calories, yet I stay in lower range. It's like my subconsciousness is sabotaging my work to bulk up. The sole thought of gaining some fat puts me in mental lock-down. I guess my low self esteem clings hysterically to my body image I have created over last months (damn, it will be a year soon), and is terrified of losing this.

I am a bit perfectionist which doesn't help either, because I try to balance my nutrition to my target macros and stress over 1-2 grams deviation. It's madness and I'm sick of this, but I can't force myself to cease. 

Another thing is my martyr-like mindset I mentioned some time earlier. This applies here too, because I will waste time on counting macros, balancing meals etc instead just do something productive or get some rest. Sacrificing my well-being for feeling of being useful. 

Damn, I need to see a psych. 

 

 

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

Link to post

you DO seem to have to lot to work out mentally.

but lets return to basics.

 

the key to improving anything we struggle with is to get back to basics, small efforts, little victories and patience with some failures*. right?

 

you said you need to see a therapist and I agree that it would be a good idea.  sometimes, though, doing that is tricky and takes time.

 

my advice to you is very similar to what I often say to Liz;  No self-hate, do things that calm yourself, and don't have a lot of self hatred for past mistakes.

 

for example you say you are worried about becoming bulimia.  not a unreasonable fear- but not something to accept either.  you don't yet have bulimia.  its a Demon that hasn't yet taken over your life.  

 

 

 

 

  • Thanks 1

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

Link to post
6 hours ago, TGP said:

you DO seem to have to lot to work out mentally

Yeah, it feels like going down the rabbit hole. The more I try to analyze, the more issues emerge. I don't even know anymore if those are real ones, or my inner hypochondriac puts those into my head... Ugh...

 

But you know what? I used my 20 Seconds of Courage™ and actually called and made an appointment with therapist. The best part? He had free slot tomorrow morning. Guess who will be anxious all the night about speaking with psych for the first time in life? What if he tells me I'm making this all up? What if I don't? Argh! 

 

Anyway, back to challenge:

 

Week 2, Friday (Nov. 8th)

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins and readied some for A.,

- made coffee for A., 

- tracked all food in app,

- at work was given unusual task to manage (to check if our company is obliged to register in new national waste management program) - and I figured all this legal gibberish out,

- called and made appointment to see the therapist, 

- did my workout,

- took care of boys when A. left for work (another nightshift).

- readied coffee maker for the morning. 

 

Not very productive at home, but I opted for spending time with boys. 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

- I can make a book (journal, notebook etc) from scratch - sew the text block, make a hardcover and cover it in leather or canvas (with decorations like corner pieces, embossing etc), or replace existing cover on book for more decorative one. 

- I can start the fire with a single match, lighter or ferrocerium rod. I know the theory of starting it with a lens and with primitive means (bow drill, pump drill, fire plough etc.).

- I can make simple wooden furniture (bed, table, shelf etc.).

- I can sew by hand and with sewing machine. Nothing fancy, but enough to repair clothes or make bedclothes.

- I can fight in an infantry unit with a pole arm like glaive or guisarme and a tower shield. I know the drill and commands of 14th century german-type infantry. 

 

 

Building bond:

Actively watched them play games (and cuddling with A. in the same time - multitasking FTW :)), then helped with decluttering their desks. After their cartoons usual routine - supper, bath and off to beds, reading and staying till they fall asleep. 

Invited F. to do Clean&Press with me - I gave him 2kg dumbbell and I used my KB. This time he actually paid attention to his form. After this we did Sun Salutations. 

 

 

Building quality time

Some cuddling with A. when boys played games. After that I did my workout and A. left for work. Maybe today I will go to bed earlier? I could use some extra sleep.

 

Building strength

Week 2 is coming to an end, and so planning phase for modifying my workouts. Aside of tailoring them to fit OCR demands, I decided to cut them shorter, because they (especially full body workout) started to take too long. Nothing surprising, given I added rather randomly various isolated exercises that I found interesting. 

 

For starts, I will add to my upper back workouts (Mon., Fri.) active hang with knee raises to additionally work on my grip and core. If the workout will come out too long, I will throw face pulls and trap raises out and settle with pull-up/hang/body row circuit finished with KB swings and clean&press. 

IF I can negotiate access to climbing rope at school I will substitute one of those workouts for plain rope-climb-learning workout. If I can't, I will consider buying some length of 40mm hemp/jute rope (those are used in our OCRs) and hanging it in my barn/garage. 

 

My Wed. workout (full body) needs most modification, so I will give a try to this Kettlebell workout instead (maybe add some push-ups). 

 

For Tue. and Thu. I will try to keep up with my burpees. I'm not sure if I should in regards of resting between workouts as burpees hit all the main muscle groups in addition to being great cardio. I will see how the things unfold. I don't want to over-strain my body. I still have some use for it.

 

Sat. is 5K offroad run day and it will remain this way. The only consideration here is where to run when snow falls. But I still have some time to find good running track (probably in the forest).

 

Sun. is sloth rest day. Not "active recovery". REST. Domestic Rangering is most demanding activity allowed :) 

  • Like 1

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

Link to post
10 hours ago, aramis said:

I'm terrified of things this situation leads to - that I developed some sort of obsession about my weight. I want (or at least I try to convince myself that I want) to gain weight and put on some muscle, yet I frown every time I see bigger number on a scale. I am upping my target of calories, yet I stay in lower range. It's like my subconsciousness is sabotaging my work to bulk up. The sole thought of gaining some fat puts me in mental lock-down. I guess my low self esteem clings hysterically to my body image I have created over last months (damn, it will be a year soon), and is terrified of losing this.

It's really hard for most people to change that mindset. We hear so much about losing weight, and if you've worked to lose weight you know how hard it is. So it's really hard to switch and allow yourself to gain weight. I'm there with you. I lost weight recently with just that intention , to allow myself to gain weight to build muscle. But then I worry that I'm deluding myself and just gaining fat and not muscle. and freak out when the scale goes up. No advice, just saying the struggle is real, and you are not alone

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1

Wisdom 18   Dexterity 11   Charisma 12   Strength 16  Constitution-12

Elastigirl Endeavors, Experiments, , and Explains - Current Challenge: May 9 to June 12 - Nerd Fitness Rebellion

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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On 11/8/2019 at 10:12 PM, Elastigirl said:

No advice, just saying the struggle is real, and you are not alone

Thank you. No advice needed :) Sole feeling of inclusion makes world of difference. 

 

Week 2, Saturday (Nov. 9th)

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins,

- made coffee for A., 

- tracked all food in app,

- went to see the therapist,

- did some groceries on my way back home, 

- cooked and packed my lunch food for next week,

- got my 5K offroad run, 

- did some laundry,

- did some dishes,

- took long and relaxing shower, 

- made a supper for boys and A. (spinach and dried tomato buckwheat flour omelette),

- readied coffee maker for the morning.

 

My appointment was early in the morning. I'm not sure what to think about it - the guy told me he needs 3-4 visits to just "know me better" and then we can start working on solutions for me. Sounds legit. At the beginning I was so tense I couldn't build a proper phrase, but later my talkativeness took over and all went smooth. The guy asked some questions, but not too much letting me talk. 

 

After I came home A. took boys to her parents (and to visit Cat's exhibition :)) and came back after 6pm, so I was able to do some productive stuff.

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

- I can make a book (journal, notebook etc) from scratch - sew the text block, make a hardcover and cover it in leather or canvas (with decorations like corner pieces, embossing etc), or replace existing cover on book for more decorative one. 

- I can start the fire with a single match, lighter or ferrocerium rod. I know the theory of starting it with a lens and with primitive means (bow drill, pump drill, fire plough etc.).

- I can make simple wooden furniture (bed, table, shelf etc.).

- I can sew by hand and with sewing machine. Nothing fancy, but enough to repair clothes or make bedclothes.

- I can fight in an infantry unit with a pole arm like glaive or guisarme and a tower shield. I know the drill and commands of 14th century german-type infantry. 

- I am pretty good with computers - both software (Windows based - sorry, I'm a peasant) and hardware.

 

 

Building bond:

Due to my morning trip and A. taking kids to Gliwice later, not much. All I did was making them dinner and later keeping them company till they fell asleep. 

 

 

Building quality time

Same as above, but replace keeping company for cuddles :) 

 

Building strength

Ugh, I hate my brain. I wasn't paying attention, and my subconsciousness already designed monkey bar station to build in my backyard. I of course could use some monkey bars, as those at playground are way too low (I can touch ground with my knees while hanging on them), but come on. I don't want to be Mr DoAllTheThings...

 

Wait, isn't it a Ranger thing to do all the things? 

 

...

 

Sigh... (grabs wooden beams and a saw).

  • Like 3

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

Link to post

Week 2, Sunday (Nov. 10th)

 

Building self-esteem:

 

My "Things done good" list:

- got out of bed on first alarm,

- morning stretching, 

- took my vitamins, readied some for A.,

- made coffee for A., 

- made breakfast for A. and boys, 

- did the dishes, 

- put away dry laundry, 

- grinded and polished my coffee mug - looks like I saved it :D 

- replaced malfunctioning thermostat in my car, 

- played some Lego with kids,

- made dinner for family, and another one for me (because my low FODMAP diet),

- did some dishes again,

- hanged laundry to dry, 

- sat with F. and helped him with his failed math test material (he will be doing it again on Friday),

- made supper for boys, put them to sleep and read them bed stories, 

- tracked all food in app,

- readied coffee maker for the morning.

 

Quite busy day for a rest day... but I mostly enjoyed it. I'm happy as a clam I managed to fix my coffee mug. It's far, far away from Kintsugi, but I'm happy with it anyway. 

Spoiler

DSC_1689.thumb.JPG.5a70117a6a87c3cec9f0633480bb640c.JPG

The crack goes from the top all the way down and across the bottom (the mug almost broke in half). I've cut the groove halfway through the wall, filled it with epoxy, grinded and filed down to shape, then polished and put some clear coat on top. On the inside the crack was filled with acrylic glue and polished.

 

 

List of skills/abilities:

- I can speak second language (English) communicatively. 

- I'm active volunteer firefighter, (squad leader, power equipment operator and first-contact paramedic).

- I can repair lots of things, from broken toys to household appliances or even car engine.

- I can cook. 

- I probably got rusty on this one, but I used to be quite decent Game Master. 

- I can make a knife from scratch.

- I have very Rangery knowledge (lots of things from various areas) I can use in unusual conditions.

- I can make a book (journal, notebook etc) from scratch - sew the text block, make a hardcover and cover it in leather or canvas (with decorations like corner pieces, embossing etc), or replace existing cover on book for more decorative one. 

- I can start the fire with a single match, lighter or ferrocerium rod. I know the theory of starting it with a lens and with primitive means (bow drill, pump drill, fire plough etc.).

- I can make simple wooden furniture (bed, table, shelf etc.).

- I can sew by hand and with sewing machine. Nothing fancy, but enough to repair clothes or make bedclothes.

- I can fight in an infantry unit with a pole arm like glaive or guisarme and a tower shield. I know the drill and commands of 14th century german-type infantry. 

- I am pretty good with computers - both software (Windows based - sorry, I'm a peasant) and hardware.

- I can fix cracked ceramic / pottery (obviously :D).

 

 

Building bond:

Besides feeding, I spent some time with kids playing Lego and watched together come cartoons in the evening. Kept my cool all the time. 

Additionally I helped F. with math test he failed lately. I showed him where he made mistakes, explained the proper way to find solutions etc. I plan to repeat this at least once more during the week, as he will be correcting it at Friday.

 

 

Building quality time

Some hugs throughout the day, some in the evening. A. is nervous and anxious about incoming audit at work. I try to relax her, but with poor results. 

 

Building strength

Nope. I deliberately decided not to think about it today. The plan is made, will introduce it from tomorrow. 

  • Like 2

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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