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ElizeElvinFoxRyder - Running with the dogs


MrsVan

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I know I say this every year, and then I renege on it... but I really need a break. The negativity that I've been under (still feel very negative and struggle to control it), the sometimes feeling of hopelessness, and that there won't be a change... is becoming too much, and I feel that I'm spilling that negativity into everything.

 

The utter relief this morning when I realised that I'm on 'school break', that I don't have to go to Sabie, that I don't have to do things if I don't want to, that I can take a break, and I won't push myself so much, was just... it was huge. And every time I start a new challenge I put myself under some pressure again to get things done, get it right. The only reason I've managed to do some things is because of your support, and I feel as if I've failed most of you. I need to pull myself together again.

 

Brandt and I had a bit of a talk about everything going on last night, and this morning. He left for Sabie two hours ago. I sat here contemplating cleaning the house and decided not to. The house really isn't that dirty. A little bit of dust here and there, as we cleaned it well on Monday. Basics are done: dishes, laundry, food, and I'm actually looking forward to perusing the mall with the boys later this morning. See... I can't even write a 'have a happy break' note without pointing out what I've done, haven't done, have I met goals, asking myself where am I falling short.

 

Have a great December, and Christmas!

You mean the world to me.

:love_heart:

image.png.68e4213aa36d141a175f73ace7683055.png

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Zechariah 4:6

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4 hours ago, ElizeElvinFoxRyder said:

And every time I start a new challenge I put myself under some pressure again to get things done, get it right. The only reason I've managed to do some things is because of your support, and I feel as if I've failed most of you. I need to pull myself together again.

 

I've had to examine to examine the results of my own challenge and, by some measures, I've only managed accomplish one fifth of what I set out to do (and that's only if I finish something today). However, if I look at it a different way, I've accomplished things that I wouldn't have if it weren't for the challenge. I've also learned some things about myself and about goal-setting in general. I've concluded that these are all valuable experiences and lessons.

 

Though you haven't achieved everything you set out, you've also accomplished more than (I imagine) you would have if you hadn't set those goals. Some things are also beyond our control---there's something to be said for setting goals that depend less on those things (I'm thinking, for instance, of the shift in your boys' routine).

 

I think the important thing now is for you to enjoy your break.

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I think its a great thing that you decided NOT to clean... not to double down on what tiny bit might be left to clean.

 

this is philosophical and even spiritual IMHO.  there is Always something wrong, dirty, and unhappy if we spend enough time and attention to closely inspect it.

 

but why Do that to yourself?  yes, dirt comes and problems arise.  goals are left unfulfilled. Life gets in the way.

 

but God is wonderful too and the sun rises, flowers bloom,.... Life is pushes back against decay and problems and you (and I) are meant to be happy.

 

instead of looking at the dirt; look at the good side of things too.  You are given a break; a break from school and a break from a situation in Sabie that would not be good for you.

 

I imagine South Africa looks beautiful in November, although perhaps rather hot.

 

we must find peace and happiness just as much as we need goals and challenges.  anytime I have felt peace and contentment; its always been in the quietness of a special moment.  the result of sincere searching.  

 

I love the picture of the monkey.

you are right, christmas is coming!  I also appreciate the kind words about how we encourage each other.  What a wonderful community we have become.  you Can do it!

 

 

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the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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7 hours ago, ElizeElvinFoxRyder said:

See... I can't even write a 'have a happy break' note without pointing out what I've done, haven't done, have I met goals, asking myself where am I falling short.

That's not fair to yourself. We typically report on how our days went and what happened when we post on here, that's all you were doing. I saw no judgement or criticism in what you wrote until this sentence. If anyone else got onto you like this I would have told you that person was out of line. I'm going to ask you not to talk about my friend like that.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Agreeing with Tank. Writing for you is a way of processing your feelings, and that is what you were doing. I do think there is value in writing goals. But, the drawback is that then we think we take our value in completing goals. Your value does not come from completing goals. Your value comes from the fact that you are made in the image of God, and that you are His adopted daughter, chosen to live for Him and His glory. Remember God loves you, He has forgiven you, and He will continue to do His good work in you

You are doing awesome. You are undertaking a HUGE responsibility in not just parenting your two boys, but in homeschooling. Add to that fact that you are figuring out all the how to's of migrating to a  new country- wow. that is amazing. I know how much work homeschooling is, and if I had to figure out how move to a whole new country as well as homeschool, I might have  run and hid under my covers😎

Now that you've realized you needed a break, give yourself a bit of a break. Read a book, take a walk, spend some time reading the Bible and praying, do what recharges you.

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Thank you guys, your words are all true. I just need to dig really, really deep to not be negative at the moment. Telling myself that I have a break, I can do what I want, also helped that I didn't feel so negative. Going out with the boys, so many people were friendly towards us, no hostility. Again this morning.

Brandt send a lot of messages yesterday to tell me where he was, driving up. Again when he got to his mom's house, and he phoned this morning just before starting the race. I think it is the most we've ever chatted when apart.

Ok, I'm going to take a break. I'm going to do what I have to do to get away from this negativity.

You guys are true friends.

:love_heart:

 

 

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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Give you luck on taking a break, and also saying yes to giving yourself applause. 

You are not only juggling a home, sons/homeschool and paper work. Your flippin' been losing weight with the chaos of a country that keeps you on your toes. 

 

As Elastigirl said, I myself have been just dealing with my own stuff and can't let go of sugar until classes are over. No less just getting out of my blankets every morning. 

 

 

Enjoy your rest!!

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On 12/1/2019 at 11:16 PM, LovelyBouncer said:

Give you luck on taking a break, and also saying yes to giving yourself applause. 

You are not only juggling a home, sons/homeschool and paper work. Your flippin' been losing weight with the chaos of a country that keeps you on your toes. 

 

As Elastigirl said, I myself have been just dealing with my own stuff and can't let go of sugar until classes are over. No less just getting out of my blankets every morning. 

 

 

Enjoy your rest!!

Thank you. I did realise since before Friday that a lot of my negativity has come from reading and teaching old South African History to the boys. As I've mentioned to someone else I've been chatting to, I've come to realise how the truth of the past has been distorted in a lot of ways, and then stupid idiot politicians came into play in late 1900's on all sides. It has made me negative and that is topped with all that is happening in the country. Topped again with us seemingly not moving forward on the migration, although I know it is most of the time, a long process. I've decided to stop with the history lessons. The boys have been watching modern history videos anyway, so they know how badly things went wrong. All I'm trying to say is that for the most part, what happened in SA's history before, I'm still very proud of what everybody, but especially my ancestors have done in and for this country. And that is where I'm going to bury that hatchet, because it is killing me otherwise.

 

That negativity was really spilling into everything. Luckily Friday, when the boys and I were out celebrating we saw people whom we've known for years. People the boys have grown up in front of. Yes, black people, like waitresses, car guards, shop managers, that I haven't seen in a while, and they were so friendly, reminiscing about 'old times' with the boys chatting, none of the hostility that I've felt in general public the last couple months. Some strangers talking to me while standing in queues waiting, new mom at the swimming lesson today. Friendly, no hostility, trying to joke. I think this is what might help us. Anyway... I'm trying not to let the negativity about things get me down. I'm trying to see the positive, and it helped to feel it as well. (I'm not being racist, by mentioning their race, I'm just trying to paint the picture of the situation).

 

I truly do need a break though. This morning when I had to decide what to do, I felt so lost without my little NF goals page to tick off. It was as if I couldn't think. I'm not saying it isn't a good thing to have goals, I'm just saying that everything seems to be a goal and a mission for me right now, and I'm struggling to find the joy of just taking the opportunity to relax, sit down, and just do what I want to, or don't do what I don't want to do. I'm struggling to stay positive about myself if I don't get that mission/goal. I need to let go a bit and give myself some slack.

 

I still have a lot of things I have to do, but I am trying to not feel bad if I do something like *gasp* watch a movie during the day! By the way... started watching NCIS (season 14) and The Seals this week. I love our DVD shop that tries to keep up with what's available elsewhere.

 

I'll probably pop in to keep tabs on you guys, because I'll probably need my NF nerd fix.

Love you lots.

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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4 hours ago, LovelyBouncer said:

Will hope to get to see yah, but enjoy those relaxed times :) 

 

Just want to say you are an amazing person I’ve been happy to get to know!

Thank you! I really like you a lot too. We'll definitely chat some more some time. You should also get some down time in, ok?

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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I think part of your negativity is part of the grieving process of saying goodbye to your home country. And that must be a hopeless, frustrating feeling, that your country has become  unsafe to live in. I think letting yourself grieve, without overly dwelling on it is good. And remember , God is in control. This is a dark time for your country, but perhaps God will use this time to bring revival to your land, and your children as adults may have the option of moving back to a country they love

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"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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21 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

I think part of your negativity is part of the grieving process of saying goodbye to your home country. And that must be a hopeless, frustrating feeling, that your country has become  unsafe to live in. I think letting yourself grieve, without overly dwelling on it is good. And remember , God is in control. This is a dark time for your country, but perhaps God will use this time to bring revival to your land, and your children as adults may have the option of moving back to a country they love

I never thought of it like that, but you are definitely on to something. It makes sense, because it is not just negativity, but an immense sadness and feeling of being helpless to change things. Focusing on the past also doesn't help, because the bad can't be changed, and the good... the good at least gives me peace of mind that I come from good people.

With God there is definitely always hope. I've started writing bible verses on my kitchen black door/board again. It helps to see it, then read it. :love_heart:

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Mrs. Van's Latest Challenge

 

 

Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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What a good idea to write verses on the kitchen  black door.

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Wisdom 18   Dexterity 11   Charisma 12   Strength 16  Constitution-12

Elastigirl Endeavors, Experiments, , and Explains - Current Challenge: May 9 to June 12 - Nerd Fitness Rebellion

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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