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Hello my name is: Derian Fly and this is my journey starting at 11/3/19 on Sunday, I wanted to start at the beginning of the week.
Today is the day, the beginning of the end..... Just for some backstory on myself:
Over the past 15 years(currently 21 turning 22 in February) I've been a consistent procrastinator since I was six, before I was six I had huge ambitions like being a video-game designer, an inventor(I made up a legitimate way to levitate and do mag lev, before ever reading about it or seeing anything about it.) My mom always supported me and would bend over backwards for me, I took it for granted, now not to say she was the perfect mother, far from it, of course she had her own faults, but she always did her best to raise me and give me ever opportunity she could give me. After I had turned 6 I would consistently procrastinate my work in school, never went out with friends, maybe on the rare occasion.

I got much much worse, at the age of 12, I started to become severely depressed and was the year where I can really pinpoint that my severe depression(diagnosed) really started to take hold of me, I would spend my days fucking around on the computer all day, procrastinating over and over, never taking care of myself, eating over 1 can of Pringles or even a whole bag of party sized chips a day! Insane I know, I'd sit in the most awkward of positions ruining my posture, and ruining my neck and spine health, would never brush or shower(only to the point where it was unbearable for my mom and she'd force me to and had to double check to make sure) at the age of 12, before I turned 12 I was introduced to weed as I lived in quite the ghetto neighborhood(not the houses per se, but the residents and type of people who lived there) I became a heavy stoner, smoking all the time, learned about porn and masturbation around when I was 9, so I started to literally "jerk-around" and do nothing but masturbate and do everything you could think of that wasn't productive.
I'd masturbate up to 12 times a day sometimes, maybe even more consistently throughout the week, not like I really counted. Smoking at such a young age consistently til now(been off of it for a bit to get clean, especially to find a job, but I have no plans on relapsing), being addicted to porn and sex(was raped a few times when I was 6-15, not trying to find pity but explains why I was introduced to sex and porn at such an early age) I even had sex somewhat on and off when I was 13-20, I became a sex addict, porn addict, video-game addict, and masturbation addict, honestly I was addicted to the life of procrastination, the easy road, and everything that could be used as an excuse to not feel like shit from my severe depression, even though it all fucked me up worse. I tried to commit suicide on four different occasions starting at 15/16 the first two were right when my mom was coming home and I had a shotgun inside my moms closet and I panicked, as I started thinking it over, I didn't want my mom to have to clean up a mess and seeing her son scattered across her own clothes, I didn't want to be that selfish at least. I was taken to a psych ward where I lived there for around 3 months.
Smoking at such a young age on a developing brain, fucked up my endocannabinoid system majorly, never did any good on my already shrinking hippocampus. At the age of 18 I was introduced to magic mushrooms(which I was researching 3-4 years before about the very early studies on it's effects on depression and neurogenesis, especially in the regions of the shrinking hippocampus of severely depressed patients.) I took them and it showed me that I need to love myself and that it was possible to get out of this hole, but I never acted on it, I just turned a blind eye as my body & mind were in the habit and so used to taking the easy road. I had three other trips til 21, one of which landed me in the hospital after I called 911 on myself after mixing a 1000mg THC edible(thought it was 150mg) on top of a triple shot of turkey 101 whiskey~Another story for another day. But all of these experiences have made me who I am today, but maybe they were necessary to show me what is possible, and to make me not want to experience anything like it again. My last trip really opened my eyes and showed me that I have to stop walking the same path I've always been taking, I need to throw myself out of my comfort zone and start doing things for me and the future I never thought I had.
So, you may be wondering, what is with this title? "THE BEGINNING OF THE END!!!"?
Because this is:
The end of procrastination in my life
The end of excuses
The end of victimizing myself
The end of laziness
The end of the path of self-destruction
The end of poor nutrition and health
The end of no goals or thinking I have no future
The end of smoking weed
The end of sugar and processed foods
The end of letting my mind be in control of me instead of vice versa
The end of not caring how I look anymore
The end of suicidal thoughts
The end of not making the most of the opportunities given to me
The end of lack of self-betterment in mind, body, and spirit
The end of my sex and porn addiction
The end of jerking around(literally) and not being productive
THE END OF THE OLD ME AND THE BEGINNING OF THE TRUE ME WHO HAS BEEN SEALED AWAY IN A VEIL OF SELF-PITY AND SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR!!!

Thanks for reading up to this point if you have :) Greatly appreciated! Feels nice to talk about this stuff and getting a lot of it off my chest.

So you may be wondering how I will be accomplishing this? Well starting today: Sunday, the 3rd of November, 2019, I will be starting a full self-betterment program daily, completely revamping my life and who I am at the center of myself, and completely reforming into the most optimized, best version of myself I can possibly be. I jerked off for the final time last night to start day 1 on this week, with the rest of my self betterment program.

NEW SELF-BETTERMENT CHANGES ADDED TO MY DAILY ROUTINE:
Waking up at 5 AM, writing in my dream journal(learning to lucid dream so I can visualize as I have aphantasia) and doing morning mobility/flexibility routine inspired by Ido Portal ~ Along with fixing my posture to get it as good as Miyamoto Musashi
Doing morning cardio(LISS, HIIT, Swimming) with a well made calisthenics strength and conditioning program
Meditating and watching the sun rise to appreciate & show gratitude to the light of a new day filling our world with shining light, to help keep us from the darkness of relapsing and going back into our old ways.
Doing the Wim Hof Method every day combined with cold immersion(starting with daily 5-10 minute cold showers twice a day)
Starting the 30 challenges to enlightenment by High Existence
Taking a shower and brushing my teeth daily, taking proper care of my basic body & oral hygiene
Eating breakfast and not neglecting my nutrition anymore
Consistently looking for a job and bettering my resume and getting better at interviews
Not neglecting my brain by doing & learning: Brain & nervous system training, reading books(inspirational & books of info), Learning chess in my free time instead of jerking around, Consistently studying and getting good grades in school(currently getting As on my tests and on my way to getting a GPA of 3.7+ by the end of this semester)
Starting Martial Arts again: Muay Thai, Boxing, Gracie Jiu Jitsu, MMA in general ~ starting my path again to becoming a pro champ!
Finally: Making the most out of every second, minute, hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, because every single second adds up at the end of the year!!

Thanks SO much for reading everyone! I hope anyone reading this has gotten maybe some ideas to add to their self-betterment routine or just enjoyed reading. Hope you all have an amazing rest of your month, I'll be trying to post on here daily!

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That is quite a story...

And a lot of great resolutions!

 

I agree with fitnessgurl, that maybe you could prioritise some of the changes you want to make to avoid getting overwhelmed, and choose only 3-4 of them to start with. Or maybe you have been working on some of these things for a while already?

 

Welcome!

 

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23 minutes ago, zenLara said:

That is quite a story...

And a lot of great resolutions!

 

I agree with fitnessgurl, that maybe you could prioritise some of the changes you want to make to avoid getting overwhelmed, and choose only 3-4 of them to start with. Or maybe you have been working on some of these things for a while already?

 

Welcome!

 

I've been on and off of self-betterment, but I've put all of this into a doable schedule throughout the week and I'm not doing long sessions of each one just yet, one step at a time, baby steps, I definitely agree I don't want to get overwhelmed and burned-out :)

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One thing I read throughout your message: you CAN. You can better yourself or destroy yourself, you can push for a major breakthrough or live in hedonistic hideouts. You can choose, almost anything. Choice is both a curse and a boon, it makes you feel very lonely at times, it sometimes feels like deep unfairness shoved unto you but it also opens the doors to true fulfillment and happiness. The thing with choice is: nothing is ever really acquired, neither happiness nor personal decay. Each step is a new day. Enjoy the way!

 

You have big goals, don't let some amount of failure on some of them distract you from going in the general direction of your choice. Being on the way is a victory in and of itself, no matter how struggling we are.

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On 11/4/2019 at 12:53 PM, TheHighFly said:

I've been on and off of self-betterment, but I've put all of this into a doable schedule throughout the week and I'm not doing long sessions of each one just yet, one step at a time, baby steps, I definitely agree I don't want to get overwhelmed and burned-out :)

 

 

Welcome!

It's great that you left it all out there. We personally have a lot (and I mean A LOT) in common from what I've read. I'll hope to see you on the Monks section, and the challenges threads soon.

 

.Image result for monk bow

 

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1 hour ago, Machete said:

 

 

Welcome!

It's great that you left it all out there. We personally have a lot (and I mean A LOT) in common from what I've read. I'll hope to see you on the Monks section, and the challenges threads soon.

 

.Image result for monk bow

 

Thank you very much I definitely will! I'm counting today as my OFFICIAL start as I'm now doing everything I listed with the lengths I wanted, and I JUST got my first "real job" today I start tuesday! Huge 180 from where I used to be and it's only going to continue to get better, planning on starting a daily journal on a personal thread here soon! :D

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On 11/22/2019 at 6:41 PM, TheHighFly said:

Thank you very much I definitely will! I'm counting today as my OFFICIAL start as I'm now doing everything I listed with the lengths I wanted, and I JUST got my first "real job" today I start tuesday! Huge 180 from where I used to be and it's only going to continue to get better, planning on starting a daily journal on a personal thread here soon! :D

 

Image result for gif outstanding

 

Keep me updated!

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On 11/24/2019 at 4:43 PM, Machete said:

 

Image result for gif outstanding

 

Keep me updated!

So first two days was a bit rough and exhausting, trying to find energy to do my workouts after a long day of work, keeping up my meditation though! :)

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On 11/29/2019 at 7:50 PM, TheHighFly said:

trying to find energy to do my workouts after a long day of work

 

I find that that's the core of the challenge for me: succeed at it and you're off to great personal heights. Fail and let everyday life swallow you. Having a focus helps, keep on meditating.

 

Also, nice to read you're on your way. Don't let the unavoidable setbacks stop you and keep at it. :)

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