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Zaethe: Winter in the Summerlands


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It's my favourite time of year!  Blisteringly hot, relaxed, perfect time to chill.

 

Plus a couple of days after this challenge ends, it's my birthday.  So lots going on!

 

We don't really do Christmas here, my Dad and I.  I usually do the cooking part but that's it.  There are no decorations up in either house, no plans for parties or anything.  We're just not overly big on Christmas Spirit.  So I often forget how close we are to the holidays in general.

 

That being said, because it's just business as usual for us, there's no reason I can't maintain some decent habits.  We are in the height of summer over here though, so have to account for that if I want to do thing outside.

 

So this month's goals are:

 

1)  Stay hydrated  

       I'm gonna keep making this a goal until it sticks.  I'm terrible at drinking enough fluids, and at this time of year that isn't a good thing.  I routinely end up with heat exhaustion thanks to some serious dehydration.  I have a good bottle, now I just have to keep getting up and filling it with water.

 

2)  Move with purpose

        I've learned over lots of trial and error that I really don't seem to lose weight unless I'm backing up my good eating habits with activity.  I have a specialist appointment on the 13th to try and learn why my joints hate me, so I'm not specifying a type of activity.  Just get up every day and move with the purpose of moving.  Moving because I have to do something (cook, dishes, bathroom, take the trash out) isn't counted.  The intent matters.

 

3)  Clean

        I've kind of let my house fall to shambles because my joints hurt.  Most people looking at my house would laugh at that statement, because I've seen what their places look like and mine is pristine in comparison.  But I know what the messes are and they grate on me.  I have a list of things to do and then keep on top of.  So I'm going to do them and then try and keep on top of them.

 

4)  Show a little self kindness

        I have a habit of beating on myself when I don't get things the way I want them.  I've kinda learned how to stop doing that, but I haven't quite figured out how to be kind to myself either.  2019 has bee one hell of a ride, and it's almost over.  Learning to be a little kinder to myself doesn't sound so bad, before 2020 shows up.  So, make time for myself that isn't just taking a brisk shower and calling it self care.  Spend a few weeks learning what still makes me actually happy, and finding ways to put that into my daily life.

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Fight your foes in the field, nor be burnt in your house.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Zaethe said:

It's my favourite time of year!  Blisteringly hot, relaxed, perfect time to chill.

 

Are you an Antipodean? I am. I am displaced, however, in America. 
 

1 hour ago, Zaethe said:

 

4)  Show a little self kindness

        I have a habit of beating on myself when I don't get things the way I want them.  I've kinda learned how to stop doing that, but I haven't quite figured out how to be kind to myself either.  2019 has bee one hell of a ride, and it's almost over.  Learning to be a little kinder to myself doesn't sound so bad, before 2020 shows up.  So, make time for myself that isn't just taking a brisk shower and calling it self care.  Spend a few weeks learning what still makes me actually happy, and finding ways to put that into my daily life.


I'm trying to learn not to blame myself for stuff, too. Here, I made a flowchart for us.
IMG_6862.JPG.162429cac0641da865d324a7476f5c14.JPG
 

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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4 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

Are you an Antipodean? I am. I am displaced, however, in America. 

 

I sure am, Western Australia :) 

 

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

I'm trying to learn not to blame myself for stuff, too. Here, I made a flowchart for us.
IMG_6862.JPG.162429cac0641da865d324a7476f5c14.JPG
 

 

 

This is an excellent flowchart!  That most likely I will completely ignore 90% of the time and then when I've finished beating myself up glance at and think "oh yeah I shouldn't have done that"

 

I r smert.

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Because I don't do zero weeks.

 

Hydration has, as per usual, gone terribly.  Most of that is because I took a three hour nap this afternoon.

 

I haven't moved with any kind of purpose, so after I finish writing this I'm going to stand up and just stretch.  No defined stretches, just loosening up joints and muscles, hopefully feel a little better after it.

 

Cleaning hasn't happened, but once I stretch I'm going to go sit and go through the ridiculously large collection of CDs my dad gave me, pull out the ones I want to keep (my car still only has a cd player, no aux), and get the rest set up to take to cash converters tomorrow.

 

Self kindness is that I'm going to delete the part where I called myself an idiot for taking a nap, and accept that I must have needed one.  

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54 minutes ago, Zaethe said:

Self kindness is that I'm going to delete the part where I called myself an idiot for taking a nap, and accept that I must have needed one.  

 

This is the hardest one for me. If you ended up napping for some reason, it was probably needed. The big thing here is that you got the rest you needed so you could do things later in the day.

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14 hours ago, Zaethe said:

4)  Show a little self kindness

        I have a habit of beating on myself when I don't get things the way I want them.  I've kinda learned how to stop doing that, but I haven't quite figured out how to be kind to myself either.  2019 has bee one hell of a ride, and it's almost over.  Learning to be a little kinder to myself doesn't sound so bad, before 2020 shows up.  So, make time for myself that isn't just taking a brisk shower and calling it self care.  Spend a few weeks learning what still makes me actually happy, and finding ways to put that into my daily life

 

2 cents' advice: if you wouldn't say it to a hurt friend or a little kid, it probably doesn't help to say it to yourself, either. A therapist got through to me several years ago when she said "what would it look like to treat yourself like you treat people you care about" and that really stuck. 

 

8 hours ago, Zaethe said:

This is an excellent flowchart!  That most likely I will completely ignore 90% of the time and then when I've finished beating myself up glance at and think "oh yeah I shouldn't have done that"

 

I r smert.

 

Change is tough, takes practice. You is improving. :) 

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1 minute ago, Manarelle said:

 

2 cents' advice: if you wouldn't say it to a hurt friend or a little kid, it probably doesn't help to say it to yourself, either. A therapist got through to me several years ago when she said "what would it look like to treat yourself like you treat people you care about" and that really stuck. 

 

 

Change is tough, takes practice. You is improving. :) 

 

The kid part will be most effective.  I am most efficiently blunt at almost all times, the people I care about tend to come to me for honesty over empathy.  I have that big brother mentality of "I get to be mean to you, but woe betide anyone who even thinks about doing the same thing".  But learning a little extra kindness and empathy is never a bad endeavour!

 

There's gonna be so much practice, not sure how much improving there will be vs repeating the same mistakes over and over again, but I figure if I smash my head against the same barrier enough times I'll either break the barrier or lose all sensation in my forehead.  

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13 minutes ago, Zaethe said:

There's gonna be so much practice, not sure how much improving there will be vs repeating the same mistakes over and over again, but I figure if I smash my head against the same barrier enough times I'll either break the barrier or lose all sensation in my forehead.  

 

I approve this strategy.

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Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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In other news re: nap.  While I get that I needed one, the actual frequency is getting concerning.  I mean, 8 hours of sleep a night and a three hour nap in the afternoon concerning.  There are chronic illnesses that have fatigue as a symptom that would also explain the joint pain, but if it's actually fatigue linked to one of those illnesses?  Not a lot of "fix it" options.

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So, this month has just started, and I figured out today that I was going to get well and truly railed by bills.  I mean.  I live very...very simply, my income afford me my rent and bills and very little else for the most part.  Only this month, it's a double whammy.  Usually I have two pay cycles a month.  The first one is generally bill-heavy, it's when my internet, phone, etc all get paid, so after that I have enough to get a couple of basic groceries and maybe a quarter of a tank of fuel with prices how they are right now.  My second pay day, all my bills are paid, which lets me fill up the car, get more groceries to last the whole month, and maybe splurge a little on something if everything else is in order.

 

Only, this month, my car registration is due.  Again.  The downside of living paycheck to paycheck is that I really can't save to be able to pay off a year of registration at a time, so I have to pay it quarterly.  And this time it comes due on the 21st.  Only problem is I miscounted the due dates on a one-off purchase, and I will still have a payment due on the same pay cycle.  Which means not only is that entire paycheck completely swallowed, but I actually have to save my grocery money from this paycheck to cover both those bills.  Not good!

 

So as it does, my brain went into anxiety mode, and I started going over literally every scenario possible to try and figure out how I was going to live for the month.  I could technically do it just fine, provided I was willing to eat white rice and vegetables once a day, every day, for a month.  Cause that's what I have in the house right now.  Asking my dad is a no go zone, we've been down that particular route before and I have too much previous trauma to ever...ever consider asking him for help ever again.  

 

The plan is to currently sleep on it, and talk to a friend about loaning me 50 bucks.  Which I hate, because I don't like that ick feeling I get of thinking my friends think I'm only after them for money or favours.  But sometimes I gotta put my big boy pants on.

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4 hours ago, Zaethe said:

So as it does, my brain went into anxiety mode, and I started going over literally every scenario possible to try and figure out how I was going to live for the month.  I could technically do it just fine, provided I was willing to eat white rice and vegetables once a day, every day, for a month.  Cause that's what I have in the house right now.  Asking my dad is a no go zone, we've been down that particular route before and I have too much previous trauma to ever...ever consider asking him for help ever again.  


This sounds hard. I hope you figure it out without too much more anxiety. 

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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12 hours ago, Zaethe said:

Hydration has, as per usual, gone terribly. 

 

Maybe try drinking some water before or while posting and call it even? The beauty of a hydration goal is that if you "mess up" it's pretty immediately fixable.

 

6 hours ago, Zaethe said:

In other news re: nap.  While I get that I needed one, the actual frequency is getting concerning.  I mean, 8 hours of sleep a night and a three hour nap in the afternoon concerning.  There are chronic illnesses that have fatigue as a symptom that would also explain the joint pain, but if it's actually fatigue linked to one of those illnesses?  Not a lot of "fix it" options.

 

When you mentioned fatigue, I wondered if it was related to your joint pain. It's really good that you will be seeing a specialist and hopefully can get some more insight.

 

Sorry to hear about the financial crunch and the associated anxiety. Wishing you all the best.

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I'll be sweltering with you in solidarity!

 

21 hours ago, Zaethe said:

I'm gonna keep making this a goal until it sticks.  I'm terrible at drinking enough fluids, and at this time of year that isn't a good thing.  I routinely end up with heat exhaustion thanks to some serious dehydration.  I have a good bottle, now I just have to keep getting up and filling it with water.

If you're into apps, I started using an app called Plant Nanny last week and I'm enjoying it so far. It just reminds you every few hours to have a drink, it doesn't make you feel bad if you don't, and it's super cute! 

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7 hours ago, Harriet said:


This sounds hard. I hope you figure it out without too much more anxiety. 

 

My friend was more than happy to spot me 50 bucks til Jan.  I don't have many really good friends, but the ones I do are ones I can really rely on when things get tough.

 

5 hours ago, Xena said:

 

Maybe try drinking some water before or while posting and call it even? The beauty of a hydration goal is that if you "mess up" it's pretty immediately fixable.

 

 

When you mentioned fatigue, I wondered if it was related to your joint pain. It's really good that you will be seeing a specialist and hopefully can get some more insight.

 

Sorry to hear about the financial crunch and the associated anxiety. Wishing you all the best.

 

Oh I was still chugging water.  The deal with hydration is that I'm a big guy, like, 190/180kg big.  My recommended water intake based on my size is somewhere around the 5l mark.  And on some days I'm not even drinking 1l of fluids.  So messing up is still really feasible on this one.  We're in the time of year where it's 33 degrees (91 fahrenheit) at 9am and continues to climb until the afternoon.  Dehydration is a big problem for me right now, heh.

 

And yeah, I've been paying more attention to my issues and kind of treating them as symptoms of a whole instead of individually like I have previously, and there seems to be a lot of correlation there.

 

5 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

I'll be sweltering with you in solidarity!

 

If you're into apps, I started using an app called Plant Nanny last week and I'm enjoying it so far. It just reminds you every few hours to have a drink, it doesn't make you feel bad if you don't, and it's super cute! 

 

I've downloaded plant nanny before!  The biggest issue I've had with the app is the push notifications, which only work consistently if you have the app running constantly in the background, which my phone battery isn't fond of.  It really is cute though!

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Current mood:

 

giphy.gif

 

I got up four hours ago and I'm just done.  If the bogans who live upstairs weren't shouting at each other as they usually do, I'd probably be asleep again already.  I'm kinda treating this like it's Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so a very gentle stretching routine and trying not to overdo it, but like, I went to get two bags of groceries from the store an hour ago and now I can't even chill on the couch because I'm just that tired I almost fell off.  Less than two weeks to go til hopefully I know what I can do about this.

 

Also, I want a cigarette.  I don't understand this.  I haven't smoked in around four years.  What is going on.

 

And I have a mad craving for mac and cheese.  But like, fancy mac and cheese.  The kind you put lobster in and serve at restaurants.  Never mind that I'm allergic to wheat and milk, let's just crave them anyway.  Yay!

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11 hours ago, Zaethe said:

And I have a mad craving for mac and cheese.  But like, fancy mac and cheese.  The kind you put lobster in and serve at restaurants.  Never mind that I'm allergic to wheat and milk, let's just crave them anyway.  Yay!

 

Gluten free, dairy free mac and cheese does exist... Probably can't put lobster on it with your budget, but might be worth splurging for a box of the stuff occasionally (assuming it turns out ok).

 

 

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8 hours ago, Whisper said:

 

Gluten free, dairy free mac and cheese does exist... Probably can't put lobster on it with your budget, but might be worth splurging for a box of the stuff occasionally (assuming it turns out ok).

idk if Daiya brand things are available in Australia but I tried it once and found it to be absolutely fucking vile. So don't try that one. 

edit: I mean their vegan GF mac & cheese specifically. Haven't tried anything else of theirs yet.

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20 hours ago, Zaethe said:

And I have a mad craving for mac and cheese.  But like, fancy mac and cheese.  The kind you put lobster in and serve at restaurants.  Never mind that I'm allergic to wheat and milk, let's just crave them anyway.  Yay!

 

Aside from the food allergies, this totally reminded me of this song:

 

The upshot is that I think cheap mac & cheese might suffice if you used fancy ketchup and condiments 😉

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On 12/2/2019 at 2:29 AM, Zaethe said:

4)  Show a little self kindness

        I have a habit of beating on myself when I don't get things the way I want them.  I've kinda learned how to stop doing that, but I haven't quite figured out how to be kind to myself either.  2019 has bee one hell of a ride, and it's almost over.  Learning to be a little kinder to myself doesn't sound so bad, before 2020 shows up.  So, make time for myself that isn't just taking a brisk shower and calling it self care.  Spend a few weeks learning what still makes me actually happy, and finding ways to put that into my daily life.

 

This is such an important thing, and so difficult to do. I've been struggling with the same thing for a while now, and though it's slow going, some things are starting to stick and, as it turns out, it does make a pretty big difference. I hope you can find what works for you and put it into place :) 

 

 

On 12/2/2019 at 4:08 AM, Harriet said:

IMG_6862.JPG.162429cac0641da865d324a7476f5c14.JPG
 

 

...might have to borrow this from time to time.

 

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19 hours ago, Whisper said:

 

Gluten free, dairy free mac and cheese does exist... Probably can't put lobster on it with your budget, but might be worth splurging for a box of the stuff occasionally (assuming it turns out ok).

 

 

 

It exists but the minute you get into gluten free and dairy free over here you're paying like six times the price for it.  The actual box stuff doesn't exist at all here in stores, so it would be a make it from scratch thing.  Which means I'd need gluten free pasta, gluten free flour, dairy free butter, dairy free cheese.  Whereas a standard box of easy mac costs $4 for 4 serves, to make it GF and dairy free would set me back around $20.  Which while I would have leftover ingredients, my grocery budget for 2 weeks is around $30.  It's not feasible.

 

11 hours ago, fleaball said:

idk if Daiya brand things are available in Australia but I tried it once and found it to be absolutely fucking vile. So don't try that one. 

edit: I mean their vegan GF mac & cheese specifically. Haven't tried anything else of theirs yet.

 

I've heard mixed reviews about daiya stuff.  I think coles has started stocking a couple of their cheeses in some stores, but they're too expensive for me to justify buying them.  

 

10 hours ago, Xena said:

 

Aside from the food allergies, this totally reminded me of this song:

 

The upshot is that I think cheap mac & cheese might suffice if you used fancy ketchup and condiments 😉

 

If I could eat it, it probably would :P  but cravings have never been reasonable things.

 

1 hour ago, iatetheyeti said:

 

This is such an important thing, and so difficult to do. I've been struggling with the same thing for a while now, and though it's slow going, some things are starting to stick and, as it turns out, it does make a pretty big difference. I hope you can find what works for you and put it into place :) 

 

 

Thanks :) I plan to keep trying til I get it right, for sure.

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water intake is up around the 3l ish mark the last couple of days.  It helps that it's been very very hot, so my system has actually kicked up it's thirst indicators.

 

Got some dishes done today, I had to go to an appointment at midday so some stretches before I left to try and keep my joints from being angry.  This didn't actually work but hey, I tried.

 

Managed to not berate myself for anything for a couple of days which is good.  Now I'm half fighting taking another nap.  I've got to make a hospital appointment at 9am in a week, nd it's really gonna suck with my current sleep pattern

 

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7 hours ago, Zaethe said:

Got some dishes done today, I had to go to an appointment at midday so some stretches before I left to try and keep my joints from being angry.  This didn't actually work but hey, I tried.

 

Can't find the thing that works without trying and finding what doesn't work. Definite A for effort there. 

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I  feel like it wouldn't be one of my challenges if it didn't start with a couple of disgustingly bad pain days.  I've been awake since 1am and barely able to get out of bed to go to the bathroom, but laying down doesn't feel great either.  Trying my best to keep moving forward but days like this I just feel really beaten down.  Typing hurts, but needing a vent of this frustration.  Specialist appt is on friday, I'm seriously hoping for some kind of diagnosis, because can't keep living like this.

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